Feel Free
"Lucy, is it true... Are you Natsu's rumoured girlfriend?"
I quickly shook my head, "I'm not his rumoured girlfriend."
Mommy glanced at Ashley. It's like she's concerned of my sister's reaction.
"See, mom... I'm sure it's not Lucy," Ashley smiled.
I slightly got nervous. I know that I shouldn't be nervous. I am not really his rumoured girlfriend.
"She's just Natsu's employee. That's all..."
Ashley turned to mommy who looked at me. I feel like she hasn't told Ashley about Natsu being Beau's father. I'm not sure if that's good, though. If Ashley would know, she might tell Natsu.
"When did you last met?" Mommy asked.
"We saw each other for a project —"
"Didn't I clearly told you to drop that project and give it to your sister?" Mommy said with hardness.
Beau suddenly ran towards me with a panicking Aries chasing him. I was about to answer mom but I didn't. I walked to Beau and kissed his forehead.
"I'm sorry, Miss, he said he wants to see you and ran here when I said no."
"Mommy! Done work?" Beau said before raising both his arms, hoping me to carry him. I wanted to hug and kiss him again but I cannot make him stay here while talking about this with mom.
"Yes, I'm done. Mommy will play with you but first, you have to take your night bath!" I cheerfully said.
I smiled. He pouted. He's beginning to really look like his father. I think not even one feature from his face was from me. He just got my skin and a bit of hair colour and everything else was from Natsu.
"Ries, bathe him, please."
"Mommy!" was Beau's cries when Aries carried him to his room.
No matter how much I like to, I just can't leave mommy here. My mom crossed her arms and maintained her expression since she came here while Ashley looks positive.
"What project is that again, Lucy?" Ashley asked in a hood tone.
"It's... It's his house at Caspius Park."
"How did he get you as his designer? In a exhibit? In... what?" She frowned.
"I... made the designs for Infinity Towers. It's where he hired me for his house."
Ashley nodded and sat on the sofa. Mommy turned to her, she's still not contented with my answer.
"Where's that bar again, Ash?" Mommy asked.
"What, mom? The bar where they saw Natsu with his rumoured girlfriend? It's not Lucy! Lucy knows I like Natsu so she can't do that."
My eyes squinted at Ashley. She knows about what's between me and Natsu before. I'm sure Natsu gave her an idea. During those years of friendship they have while I'm not around, I'm sure she was told something about it. She even said that Natsu wants revenge, "I'm not his rumored girlfriend..."
Mommy shook her head, "You saw each other in a bar last weekend, Lucy?"
I know mommy's tone is like that because she wants Natsu for Ashley. What I cannot understand is why she's making it look like us being in a bar together is my fault.
"Yes, we saw each other in Cerberus... It's Levy's birthday. He got invited by Gajeel, Levy's boyfriend..." I shrugged.
It was when Ashley's smile disappeared. She stared at me like I did something wrong to her. Her wide eyes bore into me like I'm the most ridiculous thing ever happened to Earthland.
"Haven't you broken up a long time ago?" Ashley asked in a calm voice.
I averted my eyes from her. "Yes, three years ago..."
She pursed her lips. She stood up and walked towards me. Nervousness crept inside me. Her positive vibe disappeared with her smile earlier.
"Aren't you supposed to be avoiding him, Lucy?" mommy asked.
"I have a project with him. I can't just run because —"
"Then breach the contract, I told you!" Mommy shouted.
I took a step back in shock. I didn't know that there would be a continuation of what happened before in their house.
"So... you are that girl?" Ashley asked in a calm voice.
Her eyes got clouded. I saw pity there, the complete opposite of mommy's eyes which are full of pure anger and rage.
"When you were still overseas, he clearly told me that he wanted revenge," Ashley said with hardness.
Mommy got silent. She turned to her daughter. I clenched my jaw. I know about that, though. I'm just not sure until now with Natsu's actions. We can never truly trust anything in this world. We can only have faith. We can only hope.
"And now that you're here, he'll make sure you're going to be miserable. Especially now that he knows you and Sting aren't really married..."
"I would never be miserable anymore. I have Beau with me. I'm fine with my son. I don't need anyone else."
Mommy laughed, "Lucy, don't make me laugh. I know you still hope for Natsu to take you back. You'll just get hurt since he only wants revenge from you. You should just detach! We don't want you hurt."
I ignored mommy's voice and continued, "I don't know why you two are here. If you just want to tel me about Natsu's revenge or tell me to avoid him because Ashley liked him. I don't really have any other agenda with Natsu. I just want to earn for myself and for my son. We have to prepare for our future."
"Aren't you scared? You'll get hurt again. I know what happened between you and Natsu years ago. I also know why he's angry at you now. He might hurt you."
"You will eventually get hurt. You're hoping for him, so you really will," mommy added.
"Thanks for the concern but I can never hurt again the way I got hurt years ago. I think that's the worse. I managed to survive it so I think I'll be fine. I really appreciate your concern..."
"So you're not interested with him anymore?" Ashley's face brightened.
I couldn't answer. It's true that I'm contented with Beau and how we live today. But I admit it, a part of me wants to have a complete and happy family for Beau. And another thing, I cannot avoid the fact that I still love Natsu until now. Why are they asking me this? Is it necessary? Is it because they're concerned or because they want help from me?
My lips stayed pursed, praying for more patience for them.
"Aren't you supposed to help me get him? I know he loved you becore so he got really angry but not anymore, right? And you don't love him too! And you know I like him now..."
I didn't reply. I stayed looking at mommy who's staring at Ashley. In front of me are my mother and sister, seeking for my help.
"Answer, Lucy! Are you going to help your sister?"
I jumped at her shouts. She's furious with me giving no answer. My eyes stayed at her. I felt the heat slowly creeping in the corner of my chocolate orbs.
For years, I yearned for my parents' love and care. I longed for my mother's love and concern. I want her attention. I did everything in school. I make sure she can be proud of me. I make sure I excel in anything. I make sure I please her. I follow everything she wants just for her to see that I'm a good daughter. For her to appreciate me. For her to just look at me for a bit.
"That's a very simple thing, Lucy! Do you till love Natsu that you cannot answer?" Mommy shouted.
I closed my eyes at her intense voice. I can't answer her. I feel like she'll be disappointed at what my answer would be. I don't want to see it.
I don't want her to be disappointed at me. I want her attention. I want her love. I want her to be proud of me. I want her to accept me.
"You want to be with him again? You'll choose him over your sister? Over your family? We've been here for years and yet you'll set aside your sister... even me?"
My jaw dropped. No... I don't want to ruin my family. I love mommy so damned much. Tears started falling from my eyes. Why is this so hard? I sacrificed everything I have in the past but why can't I do it again now? It's hard. What mommy wants to happen is fucking hard!
Is it really worth the sacrifice? I turned to mommy whose eyes are now also red. She wants to cry because of anger and frustration. I feel like giving this up means giving my all... my everything.
"This is the reason why I didn't want to take you. I know you won't be an obedient child. I know you won't be like Ashley. I know you'll be different. That you'll grow up without valuing your family!"
I felt mommy's words staked my heart. After all the sacrifices I made all these years, she still couldn't see me. I'm still not important to her. I want to do something... just to make her realise that her claims aren't true at all but not this!
"You don't value your family! You can't even give way to your sister! You just want her to get hurt and sad!"
"Please stop..." I begged.
"Stop? Lucy, if the man doesn't love you... only wants you for revenge, do you really think you'll be happy? You know what he wanted with you, you're the one who should avoid him!" Mommy shouted.
I sobbed. I couldn't stop my tears from falling. I was scared at how my decision on this is firm that I cannot even break it myself.
"He's my son's father..." I said.
"That doesn't mean you two should marry! Not just because he's the father, he would love you! Don't use your son as a reason! Use your brain! Stop feeling too much!" mommy shouted at me.
"Don't cry! You're just being weak again!"
I tried stopping my tears but I could. Is it a sin to cry? Is crying the basis of strength?
"I didn't say that he'll love me because he's my son's father, mom. I don't know what's your point. Why are you throwing all these to me now? If you're really concerned and you don't want me hurt, why are you hurting me now with your words?"
Mommy rolled her eyes. It's like everything I said is ridiculous.
"I want you to open your eyes. This is your reality, Lucy. You're hurt because it's true. You still like that man, so you cannot give way to your sister. And he doesn't even like you. He only wants you for revenge!"
"My eyes have been opened for a long time. And if it's true, if he really wants me for revenge, then I don't care! He deserved his revenge! I probably deserve to get hurt. I accused him of a crime he didn't do —"
"Then what about Ashley? You don't care for your sister! Not even a bit! All we did was take care of you since you were still a child and this is what you'll give to us? How ungrateful!"
The thread of patience left in me got got cut. I couldn't swallow everything that mommy said. I love my mom but I can't believe she's capable of saying it!
"Mom! Ever since I was a child, I gave everything to you! Everything I have. May it be big or small! I don't want to count because I gave it wholeheartedly! And even when it's not easy for me, I still gave up some things! I gave up painting for Ashley. I almost gave up art for her! I gave up dad's house because I want to live with you! But in the end, you gave me to others, to grandmama! I know!" I wiped the tears on my cheeks.
"I know I'm just a burden for you and for dad! I wonder how many times you wished for me just to get lost? How many times you prayed for a miscarriage? I wonder how many times have you thought of getting an abortion?!"
Mommy's slap echoed inside the living room. I was stunned for a moment.
"Lucy! Stop it! You're being stupid!" Ashley shouted while touching mommy's arm.
"How dare you say that! I sacrificed for you!"
I touched my stinging cheek. It's slightly wet because of my tears.
"I know... Even if I fooled myself all the time. I always thought that you're just busy so you don't take care of me. I know... Deep inside, I know the reason why. I am the unwanted child. You and daddy didn't plan on making me. And when I arrived, you can just throw me anywhere. I'm disposable. Least priority. No... Not even in the list of your priorities! I know that, mom. I know that but I still chose to believe that somewhere in your heart, you'll be a mom to me. A real family. Because that's what you should be. Because you're my mother!"
"Are you saying that I'm not a good mother to you!? Just because of this? Just because I want you to stay away from Natsu, Lucy?" Mommy shook her head, "Goodness! You're bringing all these things up for that? I just want to protect you! I just don't want you to get hurt"
"No!" I shouted which stunned her, "You just want Ashley and him to get together! You want me to sacrifice again just for Ashley! That's not because I might get hurt! Damn you don't even care if I got hurt, right?"
I saw Ashley's hand aiming for my cheeks. I quickly blocked her with my hand. No. You have no right to hurt me. I turned to her and glared.
"This is not the basis to say how I love you two! I love you two that I can forgive you for anything. Anything that you lacked! But this one? No..." I shook my head.
"I am not going to give Natsu up!"
"Lucy, you've gone mad!" Ashley sneered, "For a man?"
I shook my head again, "if he wanted his revenge... Well then, feel free to hurt me. I am not giving this one up just to prove to you that I'm your family! This shouldn't be the basis —"
"I can't believe you! Don't ever call is he hurt you, Lucy!"
Mommy grabbed her purse and quickly marched to the door.
I tightly closed my eyes. Is that all? I can't believe this is going to end like this. She didn't even understand what I wanted to say.
When I opened my eyes, I saw Ashley still there, "You don't need to give him up. He'll be with me eventually, sis. After he left you torn to pieces," she smiled before following mommy.
She slammed my door with force. I felt my knees waver as soon as the door closed.