Chapter Twenty-Five*

Mojave

USS Enterprise, botany bay, two hundred and seven days later.

Christopher Pike walked into the botany department and inhaled deeply as the doors closed behind him. The fresh scents of flowers, the smell of the newly cut lawn nearby and the rustling of the wind in the crown of trees was slowly soothing his nerves. He strolled down the road and then skittered over a meadow, crossed a small river and continued on the road for a while until he reached an area which had been labeled the North America section.

After Discovery had left for the future, he had finally been able to get back to Earth and his home in Mojave. He hadn't realized how long overdue the visit had been as he'd stepped out of the city hall transporter, inhaled the hot air and seen the sand dunes of the desert far away in the distance.

He had thought he'd be able to get back home earlier; after that strange first contact back in the nebula, long before the Federation-Klingon war. Instead he'd had to sign on to another ship while the Enterprise had been taken back to space dock for repairs under Una's supervision. It wasn't until he'd sat down on the porch at his parents' house that he realized how exhausted he really was. As he sat there, propped up against one of the stable wooden columns that supported the roof, his façade cracked. After everything he'd been through, after keeping up appearances for so long, he came apart in his seams. Had Kat lived to this moment she would have said he was suffering from PTSD and he probably did; she was one of the many reasons for it.

The young ensigns, the cadets, even the more seasoned officers; they looked at him like he was some kind of hero but he was nothing more than a human; a man who'd seen too much lately. He'd received medals, enough so that he could cover his entire chest with them if he wanted, but they held no meaning to him.

He valued people. He believed in sacrifice, love and compassion, he believed in the service; in Starfleet. But he was tired, so very tired nowadays. As he'd been riding one of the many horses still kept in the stable, he'd began to feel alive again but when he'd reined in his horse and stopped to stare at the sunset, silhouetting the large city of Mojave, he was unable to see the beauty in it. He was afraid that if he let go of all the horrors which he'd seen during his many missions lately, he would dishonor those who'd died; those who'd sacrificed their lives for him.

His parents had been very understanding, glad that he was home again, but they could see that he was troubled, that he had a lot to process. They never pushed him, they let him talk when he wanted to talk, let him have his privacy when he needed it. He was grateful to have such wonderful family around him and he was relieved to be able to spend time with all the animals. The fact that everyone treated him like an ordinary person, like a friendly neighbor instead of a Starfleet officer was gratifying to him. Mojave had always been a place of tranquility, a place where he could feel at home and not forced to make life and death decisions on an almost daily basis.

"You look troubled," Una said softly as she walked up to stand next to him in the botany bay.

Chris was brought out of his musings of home and gave her a faint smile. "I was miles away," he admitted.

His first officer and friend nodded. "I know," she replied and sighed as she followed his gaze across the greenery. "I always love to come here, just to breathe; to forget the coldness of space outside."

He turned to her, knowing there was more to this conversation.

"You know, with everything that has been going on, even when the ship was laid up for repairs, we've never had a chance to catch up."

His chuckle was bittersweet as he shook his head. "If I was about to admit to you that I broke apart the moment I returned home to Mojave you would say-,"

"-I told you so," she finished for him and broke into a genuine but slightly concerned smile. "No one, not even you, Chris, can carry everything on your shoulders."

He sighed as he sat down in the grass. She followed suit. They sat there, shoulder to shoulder, none of them saying anything for a while.

"I don't know where to begin, Una," he said in a subdued voice.

"Follow the directions, Christopher Pike," she said, smiling enigmatically as she turned to him.

He turned to her, his lips twitching faintly upwards at her words. "Yeah, those things," he mused. "I recall how they practically invaded the saucer section; using your command codes, and how they communicated using your voice."

"I have to ask. Forgive me if it sounds childish to you," Una began. "Was it fun to ride the saucer section upside down, skirting across that pool of liquid and up in the air until you reached space again?"

He actually laughed at that, amusement clouding his blue eyes. It was typical of Una to ask such a thing. "You would have like that," he admitted. "It was an invigorating ride."

"Well, you can't do it again, at least not without me," she replied with a smirk. "For months I believed you were dead, Chris. I was not ready to take command of this ship."

He gave her a long face. "Imagine what I thought when I saw you and your new friend wrapped around your body," he countered, "-trying to sacrifice yourself in the line of duty."

"No," she protested. "I was only trying to communicate with it. Unfortunately, it got a little clingy."

He snorted at that. "Well, if I can't run around with the saucer section, you can't make new clingy friends."

They shared a laugh at that.

"You know," Una finally said as the laughter had died out. "Whatever happened onboard the Discovery, you can talk about it with me. I know you miss them. I know I would too, if I'd been spending several months with them only to lose them to an unknown future."

Chris shook his head sadly. "It's wrong, Una. Starfleet pictures us as heroes while it's them who's made the ultimate sacrifice in order to save the rest of us," he whispered. "I didn't need another medal."

"Then imagine you wear it for them," she said. "That you carry it proudly as a reminder of what they did; it is enough that you know what happened."

"Yeah," he whispered.

"Now, tell me about the Araxians," she said seriously. "I remember vividly what they did to you the first time; what they did to this ship."

He looked at her in surprise. "How-,"

She made an innocent face. "Since you weren't around, poor Phil had to complain to somebody," she reasoned. "To tell you the truth, I was pretty upset with you after being told of your experiences in the Gamma Quadrant."

"To even think there are more species like the Talosians out there," he mused.

"I am not so sure they're anything like the Talosians, Chris," she said kindly. "I've read the report but I know from experience how much is left out of those."

"Sometimes, I am not sure whether or not I've dreamt everything," he admitted. "It scares me, Una, not to be able to distinguish reality from illusions. "Sometimes I don't know-, I don't know if this is real or another illusion. Sometimes I wake up at nights, wondering if I'm still back at Talos IV."

She looked at him with a mixture of concern and affection. "I can assure you, Chris, this is real."

"I want to believe you-,"

"Then choose to do so; it's as simple as that," she reasoned as she gently squeezed his shoulder.

A moment of silence past between them.

"Do you know why I hate holograms?" he asked suddenly. "Because they remind me of illusions, of things that aren't real; things that shouldn't be real. I have enough problem with reality as it is. The events at Arax VI only strengthened my disdain for them."

"Then you wouldn't like the idea of the new type of recreation rooms which is going to be included to ships layout in a few years," she teased cunningly. "Apparently it is to be called a holodeck. The idea is that you'll run a program, of your own choosing, that lets you walk into a completely different word and live out your fantasies."

Chris shuddered at the mere thought of it.

Una laughed amusedly as she gently nudged his ribs. "Come on, tell me about the Araxians. You could at least tell me exactly why they tried to blow us to bits and pieces back there. I was present; remember?"

"What do you want to know?" he answered.

She made a face. "The basics, the details; everything. Just so that I can look after my captain and friend properly in the future."

OOOOOO

*To understand part of the discussion between Chris and Una, it helps if you've read 'The Enterprise War'.