A/N: 'Loneliness, though a heavy burden, has a weak shell, one easily shattered by the soft smile of a woman and the cool touch of her hands.'-Peter Ramirez
One thing I've always wanted to explore more about is Molly and Remus's relationship/friendship. I like to think both he and Tonks would have probably gone to Molly at some point for advice/solace, so this is mostly a Molly chapter, with a little Remadora at the end :)
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Molly Weasley shook her head in amusement and exasperation before catching sight of Remus Lupin's familiar towering form as he stood guard outside of a room in the ward of St. Mungo's for Permanent Spell Damage Injuries.
Dumbledore had sent a Patronus to Headquarters intended for Molly, biding her come at once to St. Mungo's and keep Remus Lupin company, as well as a watchful eye on the man, and had gone into rather hasty detail over the encounter with Dolores Jane Umbridge in Nymphadora Tonks's private room.
If she had not heard it straight from Dumbledore, his recounting of events, she'd not have believed it possible of Remus to say such things to such a high-ranking official in the Ministry of Magic, though given the volatile way he had behaved towards Severus last night, she supposed she shouldn't be too surprised.
Professor Dumbledore had given Molly permission to escort both Nymphadora and Remus back to Number 12, Grimmauld Place, maintaining a staunch belief that Headquarters was the best place for the wounded witch to heal, given that it was seemingly more homely than that of the St. Mungo's ward.
Molly supposed she could make the argument that it wasn't quite up to receiving more guests at this time, given that wretched little house-elf, Kreacher, hardly cleaned, though if Remus was comfortable staying in the upstairs guest bedroom, then Mrs. Weasley supposed she could make up the space just opposite his.
Dumbledore had wholeheartedly supported this idea when she'd mentioned it, and that it was of his belief that as long as Lupin remained by the young woman's side, then she could not be in more capable hands.
Molly was inclined to agree and barely stifled her smile as she finally found Lupin after a bit of searching.
The matronly witch could not help but notice the strange look of apprehension and longing that the younger man would cast over his shoulder as he occasionally checked in on his new partner and their newest recruit to the Order of the Phoenix.
Who Nymphadora could possibly be visiting in this particular ward, Molly had no idea, though admittedly, it was not her business to learn whom.
Her business is hers, Molly thought, a little sadly as she offered a slight wave of her hand and pulled her shawl tighter around herself as she moved to stand next to Remus, who momentarily looked surprised to see Molly here, though the man did not look entirely displeased, and she could tell that the lonesome man who was often so melancholic and depressed was grateful for her company.
Molly murmured a brief hello under her breath as she moved to stand next to Remus, carefully studying the man's light brown orbs, which were slightly red-rimmed and irritated, glistening with unshed moisture that was not exactly tears, per se, but rather an emotion, one that he did not precisely know what it was or how to process it, who she could tell, might give off the appearance of maintaining his solemnly sworn duty to protect his partner and guard the ward, though what the man wanted more than anything else, was to go inside and be with her.
With Tonks.
At that thought, Mrs. Weasley's mouth twitched, the corners of her lips curling upwards and she did not bother to fight back the beginnings of a genuine smile.
The young man standing before her, an extraordinarily talented wizard, and an even kinder and gentle soul, had spent entirely too much time alone and had taken quite a ridiculous stance on his life.
More specifically speaking, his love life. Or rather, his lack of a love life. Something of which, when Molly had recounted the full version of events last night to Sirius, Remus's best friend was only too happy to provide suggestions of his own as for what to do about the man's 'problem,' which she had shot down.
Molly knew that Remus would undoubtedly take the stance, just as Sirius knew, that he was 'too dangerous' to ever risk meeting a young woman and daring to form a connection that was more than friendship out of an unbridled and severely misguided fear that he would be putting the woman's life at great risk.
Though he did not seem capable of realizing that life for people afflicted with his condition had improved, in small ways here and there, at least for him.
For with Dumbledore as the lead founder in the Order, and with Severus Snape, a member of the Order of the Phoenix, one of the stipulations, the agreement between Albus, Severus, and Remus, was that the two men would put aside their personal feelings of immense dislike for one another and cooperate.
And it did not hurt matters either that Severus, under Albus's orders, provided Remus with an unlimited supply of Wolfsbane Potion faithfully every single month.
What hurt Molly even worse to see Remus so self-deprecating and wounding this way, was that despite the rest of the Order accepting him as one of their own, most of the rest of wizardkind did not view his condition in that regard, and as a result, whenever Remus was out in public, the poor man chose to focus only on the sole few that occasionally whispered horrible things behind his back, once someone learned of his affliction and could barely speak to him or look him in the eye.
Something which Molly aptly tried to discourage him from focusing on, as did Arthur, Sirius, Emmeline, Hestia, and Kingsley Shacklebolt.
Molly sighed sadly as she regarded Remus out of the corner of her eyes, brushing a lock of shoulder-length, wavy ginger hair back behind her shoulder.
She had a feeling she could ascertain exactly what was happening to the poor man because she had seen the same process time and time again for herself in past.
There was a growing look of intrigue, anger, and…something else, something that Molly had an inkling in Lupin's eyes regarding his new partner as to what this 'feeling' might be, but she was more worried for Nymphadora for the time being and the extent of her wounds, though Sirius had been more interested in learning of Remus's fascination of this 'fantasy woman' from his best friend's dreams, and the unbridled enthusiasm when Molly had let it slip that the young woman of the man's interests was in fact, his own cousin, he was only too eager to attempt to set the two up, claiming it was high time Lupin had a woman in his life, something which Molly vehemently disagreed on.
For if there was 'something' between the two, and Dumbledore fully suspected it, it was only natural to allow their feelings to progress naturally, not rushed. It had worked for her and Arthur, after all, and after much grumbling on Sirius's part, the man reluctantly agreed.
As Remus quietly filled Molly in on the extent of Tonks's wounds and what had happened, including the encounter with Umbridge, Molly knew that Tonks faced a rough recovery road ahead of her, and given the young witch's personality, she did not strike Mrs. Weasley as the type to be content to lay idle and rest.
By keeping busy, by remaining focused on her work at Grimmauld Place, once she was hopefully well enough to aid her and Sirius in the grueling, daunting task of making Sirius's parents' house habitable enough for them to live in, then the poor dear would have less time to feel the pain of being away from loved ones, the loneliness that accompanied someone with the extent of her type of injuries, injuries that, unless she was surrounded by a positive network of friends, family, people who cared for her, then she would retreat within herself, wither.
Though judging by the look on Tonks's face, what little of it she could see as the young witch had previously been kneeling by someone's bedside, though the pink-haired Auror moved to stand closer to the unidentified occupant's beside, Molly could tell that the young witch had no real home to call her own, despite her parents being well and alive, Tonks had mentioned to Molly on a few occasions via owl that she did not necessarily get along that well with her mother.
According to Kingsley and Alastor, the incredibly intelligent witch had little friends in the Auror Office, so Molly's first thought was that Dumbledore's assumption for pairing the two of them together, Remus and Nymphadora, was that the two souls, in their own way, were kindred spirits, and perhaps would find solace and comfort in one another. Molly blinked as she heard Lupin emanate a tense exhale through his nose and cocked his head to the side and sighed again.
"Is everything all right, Remus?" Mrs. Weasley angled her head, sure to face the despaired young wizard whose back was resting against the wall and his head bowed, that one stubborn lock of hair once again falling into his eyes, shielding his expression from Molly's view, and she could discern Lupin was unhappy.
Molly blinked owlishly at Remus, feeling quite certain that she was hallucinating this. He should be happy, that Dumbledore had assigned him not only a partner in the Order, of which he'd never been paired with someone before, but it was also this very same mysterious 'She-Stranger' from his dreams.
And Tonks, if she knew of Lupin's condition yet, remained a mystery, though Arthur informed Mrs. Weasley that Nymphadora was incredibly intelligent, having received all 'Outstanding's' in both her OWL's and NEWT's.
She has to know of his condition by now, Molly thought, furrowing her brows. If she is as smart and bright as Moody and Arthur say that she is, she must.
Though Molly could sense that with Lupin, this was not necessarily the case, that something else was waging a vicious war within the confines of his troubled mind.
Mrs. Weasley let out a sigh and pocketed her wand into her cardigan pocket.
She had at this moment neither the grace nor the propensity to smile. Her brown eyes, somewhat dull and somber, searched Remus.
"All right," she sighed, biting the inside wall of her cheek as she shivered, wishing they'd turn up the heat in the building, clutching her shawl tighter around herself for warmth.
Remus said nothing, though the man's slight two-day stubble of his light, rough beard twitched without prompting, which only succeeding in annoying her.
Molly furrowed her ginger brows into a frown and pursed her lips. "Tonks said something to you, didn't she. I know this look quite well. What happened?"
Mrs. Weasley flinched visibly as the words tumbled unprompted from her mouth. Her voice sounded…crude.
The matronly witch felt the taller, young man shy away slightly in hesitation, fidgeting with his wand and twirled it in between his fingers, but then Remus Lupin lifted his chin slightly to regard Mrs. Weasley with what she could only perceive as anguish in his light brown eyes.
A myriad of other emotions danced and flickered in the man's eyes as well.
Hesitation. Uncertainty. Apprehension, all read as glistening moisture within them.
Molly felt her frown deepen as Lupin continued this rather unnerving and unusual behavior of simply staring at her yet offering no response to her query.
"What? Why—why are you staring at me like this, Remus? Have I said something I ought not to have?"
This horrible silence gnawed at Molly's insides like a starving rat desperate for a morsel. It hung in the air like the suspended moment before a falling glass shattered on the ground in pieces. It was a gaping huge void, needing to be filled with sounds, words, anything to break the silence.
Remus's lack of response was poisonous in its nothingness, cruelly underscoring how vapid their very much one-sided conversation had become. Mrs. Weasley licked her lips to moisten them and swallowed nervously. By this point, she fully expected Lupin to grow fangs and dig them onto her neck.
Yet, as she looked into Remus's brown eyes burning bright with worry and apprehension, she saw a strange revolt in the man's face.
And Lupin's eyes were new for Molly to take sight of. The brown within the man's orbs seemed darker. Which no words or oil painting could ever dare to compare with.
Molly could not recall ever seeing a time where Remus was this aghast, save for perhaps the other night when the distraught man had confided in Molly of his nightmares.
That strange look of self-loathing in Lupin's eyes almost seemed to cast a shadow over the man's troubled light brown eyes, which had darkened in anger.
He promptly looked away from Molly, and this offended her. "Fine," she answered stiffly, unable to conceal the frustration that seeped into her tone as she too followed the younger man's gaze, and didn't stifle her chuckle as her inquisitive eyes landed upon the open doorway to the ward for Permanent Spell Damage, where his gaze lingered upon that of his new partner, at her pink hair.
"Don't talk to me then," Mrs. Weasley sighed, swiveling her head back around and resting it against the wall. "I can't help you, Lupin, if you won't talk."
"Tonks is an extraordinarily gifted witch, Molly. And unfailingly kind…."
Molly paused, biting on her tongue as she immersed in Remus's words and felt no shame in her growing curiosity as a small spark of hope ignited in her chest. There was a hint of affection in the younger man's voice. Longing.
He likes her. It's in his eyes. I see that now...
Perhaps Dumbledore had been onto something bigger when he'd thought to pair the two of them together, and that this clever young witch was 'the one.'
Though, there it was yet again. The all-too-familiar tinge of melancholia in his sweet, somewhat reserved, and kind voice.
Mrs. Weasley thought it obscure for the young wizard to have such a murkiness laced throughout his sweet tones.
Remus having been known for his charming, sweet, somewhat shy, and reserved disposition, Molly thought it incredibly strange for Lupin to behave in this manner that was so unlike him.
Very, very new to have seen and heard Lupin speak to her in this regard. Molly might even go as far as to describe Remus's current expression he wore as anxious…glum…sad…perhaps even…afraid.
This was…new.
Remus was not a man who was afraid of much, save for the full moon, though these days since Severus was supplying with the Wolfsbane, that founded fear was significantly less so, for which Mrs. Weasley was grateful.
Lupin broke the silence by exhaling slowly, casting a strange, longing look towards the open doorway, into the room where his new partner knelt at the bedside of someone, his face an alloy of constraining want and restraint and desire.
Mrs. Weasley watched in silence as Remus furrowed his brows into a confused frown, and she heard him sigh. "Do I even deserve her as my partner, Molly?"
"Yes." Molly's answer was immediate and left her lips without any semblance of hesitation. The matronly witch bit down on her bottom lip, hard enough to cause bleeding as she toyed with her wand as she struggled to formulate a thoughtful and apt response to Remus's question, elaborating on her answer.
So many unanswered questions were swirling around in her mind, but only one that she desperately wanted the answer to, and right in this very moment.
"What happened?" Mrs. Weasley asked, trying one last time to reach the man who was a friend to her, and she considered him much like one of her own family members.
When Remus still did not answer her, instead favoring silence as an apt response and turning away from Molly and lowering his head in shame, allowing that one stubborn lock of rough, thick light brown bang to hang over his eyes, she sighed and merely proceeded to reach up a hand and tuck it back.
More questions rushed through Molly's mind like a river in spring. Though she dared not give these queries a voice.
Not this morning. Not today, or even over the course of the next several weeks while she helped Miss Tonks adjust to her new life and living situation in Grimmauld Place with Remus and Sirius.
Instead, she merely watched Lupin as he stared numbly at a spot on the wall opposite them, waiting as a host of ill-concealed emotions receded from the surface of his lined but still quite handsome face.
The sight of Lupin struggled in silence was distressing, despite Molly knowing nothing of what words were exchanged between Remus and Tonks, though Dumbledore had his suspicions.
Molly watched as Remus's face paled considerably, even more than was usual, and for a moment, the matronly witch became concerned, wondering if he was ill, though he quickly brushed away her hand as she moved to feel his forehead.
"Earlier…if…if Tonks would not have spoken up a—and if Dumbledore would not have said something to the Madame Undersecretary, I—I think I would have killed her for what she tried to do to Nymphadora, Molly. I do!"
Mrs. Weasley cringed as she heard the distraught man's voice rise in pitch the more upset he became the longer he dwelled over the unpleasant encounter.
She pondered over a Muggle saying that Arthur had once spouted to her in a fit of excitement, and she thought that the quote in this particular instance had merit.
'Loneliness, though a heavy burden, has a weak shell, one easily shattered by the soft smile of a woman and the cool touch of her hands.'
She could not recollect for the life of her the Muggle that had said this quote, but it applied here.
"Remus. Listen." Mrs. Weasley felt herself shift slightly at the waist as she reached up a tender hand and placed a reassuring hand on Lupin's shoulder, and gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze, and let out a sigh as she assessed Remus's tattered-looking brown jacket, thinking that she would have to mend it for him soon.
"You did not harm nor did you kill Dolores Umbridge, though from what Professor Dumbledore told me and I drew my own conclusions, that I think we would both agree that one day, that miserable old cretin is going to meet her own fate. The Madame Undersecretary is alive and breathing for now, though it is so much more than the witch deserves," Molly snapped meanly, her own features darkening as she recollected how angry Dumbledore's face had looked in his Patronus message to Molly and Sirius.
Sirius had agreed to stay behind and prepare a place for his cousin to sleep, and Mrs. Weasley had purposefully ignored the mischievous look Black had gotten in his eyes when she had told him to prepare quarters for Tonks in the bedroom just across from where Remus was staying.
Exhaling a shaking breath through her nose, Molly paused to consider her choice of words, and then offered the man a small smile, though she had to crane her neck upwards slightly to do it, given how much taller Lupin was than her.
Remus Lupin was a clear head taller than most people Molly would consider 'tall.' He was lanky and gaunt, and Mrs. Weasley for one inappropriate moment wondered how many jokes and comments the man got from Sirius and the others back at headquarters about his stature he got daily, jibes about 'the air being thin up there.'
He let out a groan of frustration and raked his fingers through his hair.
Molly sighed and offered the man what she hoped was a comforting smile.
"You were merely protecting your partner, Remus. As any good man would do. That is what matters, and as her partner and a member of the Order, it is expected of you," Mrs. Weasley added, almost as an afterthought. "Dumbledore informed me that the Madame Undersecretary would have likely strangled Tonks to death had you not intervened when you did. And had you not acted in the manner which you had, could you honestly stand here and tell me to my face that Tonks would still be alive?" Mrs. Weasley pressed urgently, sensing the man's hesitation when he promptly looked away for a moment to compose himself.
Molly bit the inside wall of her cheek as she quickly came to the realization that Remus did not quite believe her words, and she resisted the urge to scream in frustration and seize tufts of her hair and pull them out in agitation over this.
Lupin ducked his head away from Molly's piercing, inquisitive gaze and began to clench his hands into fists and bury his hands in the pocket of his brown jacket.
"No." Remus's voice was quiet, barely above a whisper, and Molly smiled.
"Then I see no reason to trouble yourself over this, Remus. You acted accordingly, and were your roles reversed, there is no doubt in my mind that Tonks would have done the same for you," Mrs. Weasley reasoned, daring to poke her head around the corner and peer into the open doorway of the ward.
Nymphadora was still crouched into a kneel by a mysterious person's bedside, apparently speaking to them, though what was being said was too soft to hear.
Molly knitted her brows in confusion and swiveled her head back around to regard Remus, who had followed her gaze, though his face quickly flushed and he too forced his attention to return to staring at the portrait-covered wall opposite them of the various Healers, witches, and wizard throughout the ages.
Mrs. Weasley shivered as a cold chill wafted through the drafty hallway and she clutched at her shawl and wrapped it around herself.
"Sweet Merlin, it's freezing in this corridor." The matronly witch heaved a heavy sigh as the inexplicable breeze kissed her ginger hair and pinked her cheeks slightly. "But don't try to change the subject. The girl. Your partner. We were discussing Tonks and your behavior towards Umbridge," she commented, as much to remind herself as to keep herself on topic. "You were willing to take another's life if it meant protecting her. I think that she is already proving to be someone who could be close to you, if you would let her in, Remus. Just give her some time, Lupin, and I think that Miss Tonks will prove to be an invaluable person and influence for the better in your life, Remus," Mrs. Weasley offered coyly, a gleam in her dark brown eyes.
Molly all the while pretended to be interested in studying the painting of Gunhilda de Gorsemoor, though all the while discreetly shooting Remus a quizzical look out of the corner of her eyes.
The poor man had such a look of shock on his face intermingled with awe and admiration for the young witch, that was this under different circumstances, Molly might have teased him a bit.
I don't even think he realizes the true extent of his feelings, Molly mused. He's smitten all right. Sirius is going to tease him mercilessly when the man finds out about this, no doubt.
Somewhat hesitantly, Molly reached over and rested her hand on his forearm, which seemed to break Lupin out of his stupor and whatever memory he'd been revisiting.
Remus blinked as he glanced down at Molly's hand, resting idly on the sleeve of his brown jacket, and then up at Mrs. Weasley, his brown eyes beginning to grimace as he struggled to read the matronly witch's emotions.
"I am happy for you, Lupin," Molly replied quietly. "She's a cute woman, isn't she, Lupin? You've never had a partner before. You'll take good care of her. I know that you will, and that, in your own way, you are growing to care for her." Mrs. Weasley could feel Remus stun at her compliments but was good at hiding.
When Lupin blushed and looked away, her smile broadened, and Molly took that as her sign to continue.
"I know that you might not be able to see it for yourself, but I think that one in there," Here, Mrs. Weasley gestured with a jerk of her head towards the room where Tonks had disappeared mysteriously into. "Likes you, whether or not she is aware of her own feelings, and I think that once she returns home to Grimmauld Place with you and Sirius for company, the two of you will become…quite close," she murmured. "You'd be an utter fool, Lupin, to let this girl walk out of your life. Don't push your partner away. You should give Tonks a chance, Remus. You deserve that much at least, Lupin. I tell my sons and Ginny this all the time. Don't for a second lose sight of what's important to you. And I think… she is, isn't she?"
Whatever breeze was wafting through an open window somewhere down at the end of the corridor picked up, lightly pushing the man's bangs off his face.
Molly held Lupin's gaze, determined not to shy away from the scarred flesh that, even she had to admit, at times, even after a few precious years of knowing the man, still sent a pang of pity through her heart, as though someone had taken a dagger and stabbed her with it, for such a kind and gentle man to be cursed with a horrible affliction when he was but five years old was an utter tragedy.
The fact that no cure had been developed for werewolf bites yet either was troublesome to Molly, but more so especially for Remus, who wanted what every other witch and wizard had and took for granted every single day of their lives. To be normal. Someone to love, and be loved in return, children of his own one day.
When Molly refused to avert her gaze and did not look away, Lupin returned her smile and his smile was like that of a warm sunset, lighting his face with a warmth that she had not admittedly seen on the young wizard before. It was her.
"Thank you, Molly," Remus spoke up after a long silence, sounding pained.
"You're welcome, Remus." Molly let out a tired little sigh and pulled herself a little bit closer, and she was relieved when Lupin did not protest when she rested her head a moment against the man's shoulder. "Don't let your condition define who you are, Lupin. It does not, and you would be a fool to think otherwise. With the Wolfsbane Potion at your disposal, you're the only one standing in your own way, dear. You can have a good life, you know. There's someone out there for you. It takes more than looking to see. When you're ready, you'll find her."
Mrs. Weasley could practically feel Remus's scowl of disbelief at her words, the heat he emanated, and when she reluctantly removed her head from its resting place against his shoulder and pulled back to study his face, she was not at all surprised to see him scowl.
He gestured towards the three-lined scars on his face, a mixture of jagged pink, harsh against his pale skin despite their age, even after all this time. He tugged on a lock of his light brown hair in anguish as he raked his fingers through his hair.
"As much as I want it, how? What else could I possibly be, Molly? There is no point in trying to deny what I am. There is no changing it," he snapped bitterly, disgust in his tone.
"Who," Molly promptly corrected her friend and fellow Order member, a muscle in her jaw twitching as she watched the younger wizard's face whiplash so sharply up to regard her that she had to quickly move her head back to avoid connecting with it. "You are not a monster, Remus Lupin. You are a man, with thoughts and feelings of your own. You like your new partner, and don't try to wiggle your way out of admitting it," she chastised lightly," reaching over and giving him a playful poke on the arm. "She has made quite the impression on you, hasn't she? And you've not even known her for a full week yet, Remus."
"She—she has. She's an extraordinary witch and young woman, Molly," Remus heard himself admit it, and was surprised to hear himself confess it. "But I don't think that she ..." he started to say, but Molly held up a hand and cut him off from whatever it was that he had been about to say to Mrs. Weasley next.
"No. I don't want to hear anymore. You are a man, Lupin. You are no beast, not a monster. It's time you saw yourself as a man and the extraordinarily gifted young wizard that we all know you to be. I don't want to hear this kind of talk."
Mrs. Weasley felt her voice hardened as she at first looked appalled at Remus's sudden shift in attitude.
He had looked so hopeful for a fraction of a second, and then, as if by witch's curse, it was replaced with such a look of melancholia, that she knew that she had to at least attempt to make him see her side of the view.
Her expression softened at the look of abject horror in the young man's eyes.
"You are a man, Remus John Lupin," Molly sighed, reaching up and tossing her hair back over her shoulders. "Yes, you have your condition, but it does not define you. You're a man first and foremost, my dear. You are someone who has a good, good heart and an incredibly kind and selfless disposition and goes out of their way to help others when there is nothing in it for you. You are right. You could have killed both Crouch and Umbridge for what they both did to Nymphadora, but you didn't let that happen. Dumbledore told me this morning what happened, dear."
Remus felt his eyes widen in terror and suddenly, if it were not for the fact that he felt as though it were completely justified to remain right by Tonks's side and keep an eye on the vibrant, young, pink-haired Auror who'd just had everything ripped out from underneath her by Umbridge, then he would have quit the scene entirely and Disapparated back to Grimmauld Place and would have been content to remain in the shadows of the decrepit house of Sirius's parents, where he knew a creature of the darkness like himself belonged, like it or not.
Fear began to overtake him completely for at least the fourth time in the span of almost twenty-four hours.
Molly…Did Molly know about this?
What would the woman who he sometimes thought of as a paternal mother figure in his life think of him now? Had Dumbledore divulged all the details of how he'd lost his temper, both with Crouch and with Umbridge?
Would she believe of him to be the monster, the Mad Beast, that he himself had always known that he was?
"You heard that?" His query escaped his lips as a horrified, hushed whisper.
Molly nodded slowly, a grim expression overtaking her kind, weathered face. "I did, Lupin. All of it. Dumbledore spared no detail. And you did not kill Crouch. Or Umbridge, though no one would have complained too much if you had done away with that old toad," Molly added, crinkling her nose in disgust.
Lupin pursed his lips into a thin line though he made no remark at her comment. "You could have though," Mrs. Weasley emphasized, reaching into the pocket of her house dress and twirling her wand lovingly in her fingers for something to do as she recognized she was growing restless and wishing for nothing more than to return to Grimmauld Place.
She was afraid that in her absence, Sirius and Kreacher would have burnt all of the headquarters down while arguing among one another, as the disgruntled little House-Elf did not particularly respond in kind to his master's demands, nor did Sirius treat him well.
"And yet, you did not kill either one of them. But you could have, and I would be the first to admit that had you chosen to, you certainly would have had just cause for doing so, for what protect what we love."
It did not escape Molly's attention that the poor man practically jumped out of his skin and startled when she'd dared to utter the word 'love.' She sighed.
"I must confess…I don't know what I would do if another witch or wizard tried to kill anyone that I cared about. I don't know what my own reaction would be, so to that end, I don't blame you, Remus, nor is it your fault, for the way that you reacted. You were merely protecting Tonks, and she is safe. Because of you."
Remus blinked owlishly at Arthur Weasley's wife.
This was…not exactly the answer he had been expecting from Molly, for he had fully anticipated that Mrs. Weasley would have one of her classic outbursts towards thoughts of his fears. One of anger or fear, but not of understanding.
She—Mrs. Weasley was attempting to reason out and rationalize why he'd almost killed a man for a young witch who, for reasons he himself could not explain, had wormed her way under his wretched skin and she was already leaving a lasting impression on him now.
Mrs. Weasley understood why Remus had felt the way that he did and acted accordingly towards his emotions that he was feeling for Tonks's well-being at the time.
She understood, and yet, it was evident on the older witch's face that she did not think ill of him and harbored no resentment towards him for his despicable and somewhat violent behavior over the last twenty-four hours.
She—she did not think of him as a monster. Remus felt as though his mind were reeling. And that was all Lupin could ask for in Molly, really.
For someone like Mrs. Weasley, and hopefully, in time, his partner, to accept him as he was.
Another gust of wind whipped its way through the already drafty hallway and tousled Molly's ginger hair off her forehead and away from her face. She rested her head against his shoulder, and though the man was incredibly warm to the touch, she shivered.
Remus noticed the slight movement in Mrs. Weasley and furrowed his brows into a slight frown as he swiveled his head to the left to regard the matronly witch.
"Are you cold?" he asked but did not give Molly any time to answer before he shrugged out of his brown jacket and draped it over the witch's shoulders.
They stood together guarding the ward to Permanent Spell Damage and did not say a word at first, for it was too precious a moment to ruin by speaking.
It seemed to take Mrs. Weasley an eternity to formulate her thoughts before she spoke again. "I am happy for you, that Dumbledore has given you this opportunity, Remus. You deserve a good life. Your own life. Not what you think you deserve, but what you want." She bit the inside wall of her cheek.
If her suspicions were correct, and when she followed her hunch, she usually wasn't wrong.
After raising six boys and one girl, she could tell when someone had but one thing on their mind and Molly knew the next question she was about to ask of the man was about to cross a threshold, but she had to know.
"What is it that you want?" she asked at last, watching Remus with wide eyes.
"It's—it's not that simple, Molly," Remus protested hotly, to which Mrs. Weasley responded in kind by promptly cutting the man off.
Molly let out a groan of frustration in bit the inside wall of her cheek, stomping her foot, a release of agitation, and folded her arms across her chest as she turned to look.
"Yes, it is, Remus. Just answer the question. What do you want?" she demanded hotly, putting her hands on her hips and scowling.
Remus blinked rapidly at the matronly witch, startled by her sudden shift in personality at the insistence that he provides an apt response to the question that she had just posed to him.
Words seemed to have temporarily fled the man. Molly frowned as she stared into those bright brown eyes burning with the briefest flickers of confusion, anger, self-loathing, sadness, and a sense of betrayal.
His heart seemed to have fallen silent. His eyes were wide and blank as he stared at Molly in horror and Mrs. Weasley felt her eyes desperately search his.
He just had to answer her! But he could not leave her question hanging like this. Mrs. Weasley could practically see Lupin's mind searching for something reasonable to tell his friend, that would make sense and explain away the slip in his ability to aptly respond. Molly scoffed and turned away, growing impatient.
She shivered and wrapped Lupin's jacket he'd draped over her shoulders tighter around her shoulders, her only barrier against the cool breeze, no doubt wafting in the corridor through an opened window somewhere to provide the Healers and their patients with fresh air.
She made to head back down to the visitor lobby, murmuring she would be waiting for them when Tonks was finished when the soft tones of his quiet and reserved voice wafted towards her, and she was quite certain she had misheard Remus as his heart seemed like it was answering her question for him, and he wasn't making any excuses this time.
"Her. Her acceptance. Her friendship. One day, maybe her... Just...her."
His voice was barely audible, and if Molly hadn't already been hanging onto Lupin's every word, she would have missed it completely.
Mrs. Weasley barely succeeded in stifling the small victorious smile that graced her features as she slowly turned back around to regard her fellow Order member.
This confession was all that Mrs. Weasley needed as a truly wonderful, and yet horrible plan began to form in her mind.
One that she thought for certain Sirius might have come up with instead of her.
One that might anger Remus.
For it would involve the man stepping out of his comfort zone, though if Mrs. Weasley (and with the help of Sirius, for he had expressed interest earlier in doing whatever he could do aid in seeing his best friend happy again), though if she were to be successful in helping Black bring Remus and Tonks together, then he was just going to have to get used to the idea of taking a risk every now and again.
What's life without a little risk? Sirius's words echoed inside of her head. Moony's been alone in his life too long. The love of a good woman, that's what he needs. I'll help however I can.
She realized that, in his own way, Sirius was right, reckless, and careless though he could sometimes be. Molly bit her tongue as she came to the realization that Remus Lupin had opened his heart and mind to her, and this woman, this Metamorphmagus, Nymphadora Tonks, had, according to Dumbledore earlier this morning in his Patronus message, already started to accept Remus for who he was, the choices and actions he had made in her company regarding her.
That was good enough for Molly.
And now, she was going to do the same. Molly did not even bother attempting to conceal the small, playful smirk that graced her features, pulling the corners of her mouth upwards into a soft smile.
"You are not lying, Remus?" she asked. "You truly want her friendship and in time...?"
"Yes." Remus's answer was immediate, and his brows knitted together as he frowned, and folded his arms across his chest and regarded Mrs. Weasley contemplatively.
Now, the man merely sounded put off and offended at the thought that Molly would even consider that he was not being completely honest with her.
She gripped onto Lupin's shoulder tight enough that the man swayed a little bit, though he did not falter in his stance as they continued to stand to watch outside the door.
Molly bit her tongue, hoping that Tonks would be finished up soon. The quicker the two of them got her back to Grimmauld Place, the more comfortable she would be.
And hopefully, she and Lupin would get closer.
"Don't worry, Lupin," Mrs. Weasley reassured him kindly, averting her gaze back towards the portraits of the various Healers throughout the ages. She gave Remus an affectionate pat on the back. "I don't know all of what was said down there between the two of you when you were…tending her wounds..."
Here, she carefully peeked at Remus out of the corner of her eye and was more than a little amused to see a light pink blush speckling its way along the man's pale cheeks, flushing them with a little color. Molly chuckled and shook her head in bemusement.
"But if I'm to help you, dear, then I'm going to need copious details. She said something to you, Lupin."
Remus furrowed his brows into a frown and scowled. "Are you sure this is wise, Molly? How could you possibly even think of beginning to help me? What if she…when I tell her the truth about what I am, what if she doesn't see past the nature of my … 'unfortunate' condition? Would she leave?"
The note of bitterness and anguish in his voice was almost too unbearable for Molly to hear.
It was not Molly's place to admit this next part, but Dumbledore had confided that, as a skilled Legilimens himself, he had dipped into Miss Tonks's mind during her 'interview' with Dolores Umbridge, and the man was not at all surprised to discern that somehow, perhaps given the nature of how smart she was, Tonks had already learned of Remus's lycanthropy, and was choosing to wait for him to approach the subject with her when she felt more comfortable.
"Somehow, I do not think that will be a problem for you, my dear. I think that the best relationships, friendships especially and even romantic relationships , are forged with honesty and trust in one another. I think the best thing you can do to ensure your partnership and your friendship gets off on the right foot is just to be open and honest with her, and she might surprise you. Merlin knows you've certainly surprised me over the last year or two. I think Tonks will understand, Remus. All you can do is talk to her. She'll listen."
Remus opened his mouth and had been about to argue with her, on the basis that when most other witches and wizards knew of his condition, they could barely speak to him, let alone look him in the eye, and he could feel the color drain from his face as Molly had started to ask rather personal and intrusive questions regarding his new partnership with Nymphadora Tonks, when the witch in question re-emerged from the Ward of Permanent Spell Damage, her eyes red-rimmed, and the pair of them promptly put an end to their conversation.
He did not like how pale Tonks was looking, more so than usual, and it didn't take an intellectual genius like Albus Dumbledore to see that she had perhaps taxed her body beyond its ability to cope, for he was not at all surprised to see her beginning to lean forward, and he was internally relieved when he instinctively reached for her arm and looped it around his and she did not protest.
"You don't look well, Tonks. You are all right?" he murmured lowly, doing his best to ignore the swell of warmth that seemed to shoot up his arm, as he felt the heat of her skin pierce as fire through his sweater sleeve. "Is there anything Molly or I can do for you?"
Tonks, for reasons unknown both to Molly and Remus, kept her head bowed, the thick bangs of her dark pink, almost maroon pixie having fallen in her eyes.
"E—everything is fine, Mrs. Weasley," she stammered, and Lupin noticed her fingernails had dug tightly into the material of his thick black woolen sweater.
"Molly, dear, Molly! Please call me by my first name, dear. No one in the Order, especially not friends, calls me Mrs. Weasley. We're all friends and equals here. I cannot even imagine what you are going through, dear, but since you'll be staying at headquarters with us, if there is anything you need during your recovery process, anything you want to talk about, then you will not hesitate to come to me. I'm here to support you through this difficult time, just as Remus is," Here, she glanced upward and saw Lupin give a curt nod that Tonks missed. "Especially given your…special circumstances, dear," she murmured, taking hold of Tonks's other arm, and curling her hand into a tight fist as they walked her back down towards the elevator to head for the main visitor/reception lobby.
Tonks startled and lifted her head and regarded Molly in silence.
Lupin flinched as he could see the evidence of dried tear tracts had run down her cheeks.
He loathed seeing her shed any more tears and wondered if there would come a day in the hopefully near future since he was taking her home to recover if he would ever get to see his new partner's dazzlingly white smile ever again.
"Oh," stammered Tonks, unable to form a coherent reply as the three of them got into the elevator, and Molly pressed the button that would take them to the lobby. "I…"
Her voice cracked and faltered as it trailed off as she stared at Mrs. Weasley, who stood on the other side of Remus regarding the young witch in silence, her dark brown eyes, just like Lupin's, full of unfailing tenderness.
Tonks had not anticipated Mrs. Weasley to be so kind. As the elevator continued its descent, she listened quietly while Molly quickly explained the premises of Number 12, Grimmauld Place, where she would be staying, and how to take extreme precautions not to wake her cousin Sirius's mum's oil portrait.
Mrs. Weasley did not strike Tonks as a witch who minded repeating herself as Tonks listened and struggled to process her words, her mind still reeling from her brief visit with poor Alice and Frank Longbottom, that had left her shaken.
Molly did not seem as though she got angry or impatient much, and the older witch was extremely maternal and generous, having opened headquarters for Tonks to stay in, which Tonks felt moved by.
Rudeness, brazenness, impoliteness, these were all concepts that Tonks could very easily deal with. But in her current physical state of healing, unease, and vulnerability, such unexpected kindness from anyone felt to poor Tonks like a stab in the heart.
She could feel her eyes beginning to tear up and she turned away.
"Well, thank you for your kind words and concern, Molly. I—I will take them into consideration, but…I'm sure that I will be just fine," she murmured, not looking at either one of them, her tone coming across as perhaps a little too curtly and harsh than she would have liked, before bending her head and looking away.
"Of course, dear," Mrs. Weasley replied warmly, not blaming Nymphadora in the slightest for not knowing how to react to her words of compassion or seeming to give a rather cold response.
"You will be. You're not alone, Tonks. Not for a second," he promised, the edges of his voice hardening just slightly. "You'll have Molly and Arthur, Sirius, and…me," Remus reassured quietly in what he hoped was a neutral tone, though Molly's sharp ears perked up at hearing the faintest note of hope lacing through his tones.
Tonks felt her eyes widen as she felt his grip on her arm tighten just a fraction. Not enough to hurt, but enough of a reassuring firm squeeze that indicated to Tonks without the man having to speak another word that he would not leave her alone during the grueling recovery process ahead.
Tonks nodded, blearily lifting her head as the elevator finally brought them to the bottom level and the three of them wasted no time in stepping out into the fresh air and Tonks flinched as a blast of cold air immediately hit her face, which she thought odd considering it was mid-July, though the skies above promised rain, and soon.
"I think we're in the clear to head back. Sirius knows to expect you both, and…we're going to go get Harry soon," Molly offered after a second. Molly could not help but notice how Tonks briefly perked up at the mention of Harry Potter, though her momentarily cheerful expression faltered
Remus nodded, not flinching as Mrs. Weasley Disapparated with a turn of her heel and what followed was the usual loud crack.
"You're not strong enough yet to Disapparate on your own, much less fly, Tonks. If you were feeling up to it, of course, you could come and collect Harry with the rest of us from his aunt and uncle's, but you aren't. You only just got out of St. Mungo's, and as your partner, I cannot allow you to risk further injury. You'll stay at Grimmauld Place with Sirius." Lupin spoke up softly, careful to keep his voice and facial expression neutral, though there was no sensing the disappointment on the young witch's face.
Tonks heaved a heavy sigh as the cold morning London air licked at her face and crept underneath her set of white St. Mungo's robes. "My—my clothes?"
Lupin nodded. "Mrs. Weasley had your mother pack some of your things. Your belongings are already waiting for you in the spare bedroom. It's just across the hall from mine, so I'll always be close enough to keep an eye on you, Tonks."
Tonks could not be certain as she had glanced down at the ground and offered a shy nod just then, but she could have sworn she saw Remus Lupin smile a little.
"I'm counting on it. I—I'm dead clumsy, even without this damned boot," she sighed, glancing down at the heavy boot her broken ankle rested in for at least a week or two. "Don't let me fall. You'll have to catch me if I do. Partner," she joked weakly, and she could have sworn he stood a little taller than before, prouder, more confident at her words, and he returned the smile as she offered him a faint smile.
She exhaled a shuddering breath through her nose as she felt Lupin's hand curl tightly around her forearm, the other hovering slightly near her waist, ready to catch her if she felt faint or sick.
"Oh, I'd catch you. I'd never miss, Tonks, I swear. And even if I did, I'd sit by your bedside and nurse you back to health, I am your partner after all. Though I'd rather you fall from a height I could catch you from, that way I'd never miss. We look out for each other," he answered solemnly, not a trace of joking in his quiet voice or in his eyes, and Tonks blinked, startled at the man's words. "How are you feeling? Are you still feeling ill? Do you feel ready?" Remus asked, a somber expression etched on his features as his grip tightened.
She knew he was referring to the Side-Along Apparition, and that he was hoping she would suffer no ill side effects as he took her back to Order of the Phoenix headquarters.
Tonks nodded shyly, allowing her fingernails to dig into the material of the man's brown jacket sleeve. She could almost feel him draw in a breath, though whether or not that had to do with the cold morning London air, or the unexpected urgency that she was clutching onto his arm with, she didn't know.
"Take me back, Remus. I've had enough of St. Mungo's to last me the rest of my life," she whispered, shooting him a shy, soft smile.
Remus was kind enough to send another reassuring smile this way and murmured something reassuring to her just before the pair of them Disapparated.
Though Tonks completely missed it, as she was too focused on her partner's eyes, and his face, thinking how kind he had been to her during this whole ordeal, and she'd known the man but a precious twenty-fours at best if even that at all.
Her first thought of her new partner, now that she was in a much more lucid state and better able to have formed the first impression of Remus John Lupin, was that he had sad and somewhat angry eyes.
Those angry eyes were his pain untold, and Tonks wished that he would speak of it and tell her, she really wished for it. She would be his partner, and he hers, but there was one condition for this new arrangement of Dumbledore's to work….
Remus had to keep her safe from them, these storms raging war within his eyes that reflected on the rest of him.
He had to let her all the way in so that he always trusted her, and Tonks only ever saw his kind light brown eyes, the ones that would one-day harbor friendship for her, she hoped, in time. Because she wanted their partnership to work out.
For him to stay with her, but Remus had to be good for her, too. She guessed that this was trust as she dared to meet the young man's eyes and not look away.
It had been so long for her, to trust another so completely, that the feeling felt new. Maybe it is. She guessed that was a pretty sad comment on the state of her life.
Tonks wasn't a fool.
The young woman knew that she had a purpose in this life, whatever that was to her, just as Lupin did, one that was compatible and unique. The Auror supposed this trust was developing much like a photograph does, needing the light to come when the picture was well-formed. She sighed.
Tonks could see it already. She wanted it already. Yet, she had no choice but to leave the timing up to the wisdom of the positive universe regarding… this.
"Wait." The plea escaped her lips before she could stop herself. Remus paused, furrowing his brows into a slight frown as he regarded his partner silently. "Please," she managed to gasp out. "I need to...wait just a minute."
"What is it?" he murmured lowly, grabbing her shoulder firmly to steady her. "Do you feel ill?"
"Before I…we go home…our—our partnership. There's...something I've been wanting to ask you, Lupin a-and I haven't had a chance to until now. Do you even want this for yourself, Remus? I know this is what Dumbledore assigned us, but...has anyone asked you what you want? Because...if you don't want me, then... all you have to do is say it, and I'll leave," Tonks whispered, biting her bottom lip and sticking it out in a slight pout. "I just want to know...if you...want me, and who you want."
She cringed and bit her lip. But Merlin, how horribly, terribly awkward this was for her!
It seemed ages beforeRemus spoke again. "I do. I'm right here where I'm standing, Tonks. I'm not anywhere else. I don't want you to leave. I...want you to stay with me." Lupin's tone was solemn, and he answered immediately without hesitating.
Tonks nodded mutely. "Because…if you and I…if we only get one shot at this, then…I want the best one, and though the waiting is the hard part, for our—our friendship, then I will do it if that's what it takes to get you and me right."
There was such a pain and Remus heard the crack and dip in her voice as it broke and she looked away a moment before turning her head back around to regard her new partner, and when she did, there was such heartbreak within.
That he could hardly bear it. Remus did not know what to say or do to make her feel better, so he favored silence as an opt response and instead felt completely justified in tightening his grip on the young witch's arm. "Let's go home, Tonks," he murmured quietly.
Tonks nodded. "Home. Home sounds nice… Take me there, Remus."
As the pair of partners Disapparated, Tonks was so engrossed in looking into the man's eyes that, if she would have looked back up at the front of St. Mungo's one more time, at the far left wing of the fourth floor for Permanent Spell Damage, Nymphadora Tonks would have seen the curtain flutter slightly.
And she just would have seen the pale face of Barty Crouch Jr. staring down at her.