(A/N) I'm trying to keep the pace up as things pop in my head, so heres the next. I wanted to give a personal thank you to Sexta-Roronoa for the encouragement. You are singularly responsible for some of these chapters getting out with your kind words.

Sound track for the beginning of this chapter is definitely Haunted by Maty Noyes.

Chapter 26

Mara scrubbed at her already clean skin with a vengeance. The blood may be gone but it felt like it was still there in clotted rivulets running down her arms and side and back from where that life force had flowed from Grimmjow as he had protected her and in the aftermath. Her hands and arms were painted so thickly red that you couldn't even see the tattoos on her skin once she had helped to get the shredded man from Hisagi's shoulders and onto a bed in the infirmary.

His back, shoulders, neck and arms had looked like ground meat, bone showing through in many places. Mara had to keep herself from retching as she remembered the sight and scrubbed harder at her own skin as if she could wash away the memory. She was the one that leapt on him and he, in turn, had saved her. Again. This time at the expense of himself.

Hisagi had explained to her that he would heal fast. She understood his hierro more now and knew, by the blessing of Grimmjow simply being Grimmjow, that he wasn't dead when anyone else would have been, but it made her feel no better. Tears pricked her eyes as she ran the sponge over already raw skin, but not at the pain. Maybe she deserved the pain. Today gave her a glimpse inside Grimmjow's mind that she doubted she would ever get to see again.

Yumekanau. Dream come true.

Finally admitting to herself that the water would only continue to run clear, Mara dropped the sponge and curled into a ball against the far side of the tub. She continued to hold back tears as she desperately tried to gather the errant thoughts in her head but it seemed to bring no peace, just like her vigorous washing had failed to cleanse her soul.

Don't look, Yumekanau. Please don't look.

Grimmjow's pained plea replayed through her head like a broken record. He had not only saved her body but had tried to save her mind. He had tried to spare her from this feeling she was having right now. Her heart swelled with pride in the man she could see that he was- even as it collapsed knowing why she was Yumekanau. Dream come true… but only a dream.

Koi no Yokan. Koi…Koi… Koibito.

Following the circle that had been reeling in her head for hours, Mara's thoughts shifted to the captain that had saved them. Hisagi was so different from Grimmjow… but so alike. He hadn't wavered in his steps at all as he picked up the espada and left the building. While she didn't know the whole story of how Grimmjow came to be under Hisagi's leadership she knew enough to realize that this was not the first time that Hisagi had defied all the rules to do what was right. His rebellious nature and dark determination were focused and honed to do good.

Even in the midst of his goodness, Mara knew there would be a price to pay for it. She shuddered as she curled into herself, but not from the rapidly cooling water. No. She hated to think what price be demanded for the events of the day by the powers that be. Her price for safety was being controlled through marriage. She had a feeling it was only sheer luck that she had managed to be linked to a truly good man who did not seek that kind of control. However, if her price was that steep as a Whole, who was meant to be protected, then what would the price be for an espada? What now would Hisagi have to do for a fight that his squad member hadn't even begun?

Ippin.

The bandaged man- Abarai- had kept calling her Ippin. Anger rose at the thought of him. If he hadn't grabbed her, if he hadn't disabled Omaeda (scarily easily, she might add), if he hadn't latched on to her for some strange reason, none of this would have happened. Mara's tears dried and anger filled her more fully at how this was that man's fault… but the anger didn't hold. It couldn't hold because there had been something in his look, a pleading in his voice that had called to her like a siren song.

That was why she hadn't pulled away herself, right? When she looked back- past her fear in the moment- at the look in his eye… she knew that if she had just pulled away he would have let her go. When she first began to replay everything in her mind on repeat, she had thought she hadn't pulled away because fear had paralyzed her like some weakling who would pee in terror or some shit. But no. That wasn't it, she had come to realize. She didn't pull away because she didn't want to.

Her memory had explained why. This Abarai had known her. There was no mistaking the large tattooed hands that had played with her anklet as the same that had thrown the spear at Grimmjow. The description of Senbonzakura was too accurate about the man who was Abarai's captain. And the man in the memory had called her Ippin.

Jewel; Gem; Article of rare beauty.

While she was fairly positive, she couldn't be sure that his were the eyes she saw in her dreams. Maybe he wasn't who loved her. The nickname indicated some sort of feeling. Maybe- maybe he was but she refused to let her mind go down that path right now. She wanted answers. She wanted to fix whatever was wrong so the two men she cared about most could quit sacrificing…. Well, everything for her. Their freedom, their flesh…

The images of Grimmjow's mangled form being cheered at the Academy made Mara press her fist to her mouth to suppress the sob that threatened to escape her. She could see her arm raised, channeling his flowing blood down onto her own body as she refused to let go of his hand in the face of the heartless masses. Mara reached for the sponge again, her reeling mind focused only on cleaning the blood off herself. She was covered in his blood.

Before she could begin to scour another layer of skin off her body, though, a large hand came around her own and stilled her frantic movements. Deft fingers peeled the sponge from her grasp as concerned gray eyes met her own. Hisagi's face was drawn in an expression of abject sadness as he looked down on Mara who was putting herself through her own mental hell. He did not know if he could pull her out of it. He did not know if she would even want him to be the one to do it.

Hisagi had not missed the heated looks that Grimmjow had levelled on Mara throughout the day when he thought they weren't looking. It explained the combat instructor's disappearances over the past week. The warmth that had infused the espada's eyes was a foreign look in the hard man who normally only seemed to delight in the suffering of others. Hisagi knew that Grimmjow could possibly even extend that cruelty to him as well, though it was kept carefully hidden if it was there. Yumekanau, he had heard him call her. She was Grimmjow's dream come true. Did she know that?

He couldn't fault Grimmjow for falling for Mara. Hadn't he himself been swept up in her upon the first moment of meeting her? Hadn't he fallen in love with her even more quickly? He wanted to believe it a cruel ploy designed by the espada to take down the heart of him but Grimmjow's own actions said otherwise. The one who knew nothing of sacrifice for another had done just that, taking a punishment that few other could have stood to save this precious woman. He had begged her to not even look to avoid this result right here. That action alone would have been remarkable for Grimmjow, a testament to the depths of his feelings.

His mind in a storm of pain, Hisagi looked back down at the shaking figure huddled in a ball as she tried to seemingly divest herself of her own skin. His heart had welled with pride as the small woman had removed her own cloak to cover the espada on the walk out, her own silent defiance to injustice. She had not shirked or weakened at Grimmjow's blood spilling over her with each definitive step as she doggedly maintained a hold on his hand. But she had not looked at Hisagi again. She clung to the espada and seemingly released him in the process.

He hadn't known what to say or how to ask what was in her mind. He was scared to know the answer to the direction her heart had chosen in those fateful moments. Was it strength or weakness to withdraw for her to find her own path? Was it strength or weakness that made him want to fight for her decision to swing in his favor? Was this still even his own righteous fear propelling him?

"Shuuhei…"

Yanked from his thoughts, Hisagi looked down into wide black and amber eyes that sucked him in all over again.

"Shuu," Mara gasped out with a shaking sob, "I can't- I can't get the blood off."

Mara had reached out to cling to him. Her eyes pled for help from him still. Hisagi brutally slashed at his own insecure feelings as he wordlessly added a fresh bucket of warm water to the bath. He desperately ignored her form under the water that called to him. He wanted nothing more than to continue their beautiful morning, but he held himself ruthlessly in check. Even as his muscles strained against his will, his touch was gentle.

"Lean forward," he said in a soft, strained voice, "I will get where you cannot reach."

Watching with wide eyes, Mara did as he asked as he dipped the sponge in the warm water and brought it down in gentle strokes on her back. Her sobs dissolve into sniffles as he gently gathered her hair out of the way. Worry over modesty and scars and tattoos disappeared as he kneaded her shoulders gently with one hand while wiping away the pain in her heart with another.

"You have more tattoos," he murmured, tracing his finger along the delicate lines where they wound from her shoulder blades. "They are beautiful," he remarked, hoping to draw her out from within herself."

"They are," she replied after a minute, surprising him, "I don't know why I got them, but they make me feel better when I look at them. The rising phoenix I can only assume was for strength and resiliency. The cherry blossoms…" Mara's voice became garbled again.

One thousand cherry blossoms. Senbonzakura.

"They- they used to bring me peace."

"I'm sorry I asked, Koi. I didn't mean-" Hisagi trailed off, taking a deep breath and focusing instead on rinsing Mara's long hair.

After a long minute, Hisagi finally set down the cup he had been using for her hair and leaned his hands heavily on the rim of the tub. He didn't know if he could do this. There was a fight to come and all he could feel was his heart breaking as Mara sobbed, utterly exposed in from of him, for another man. His eyes shut tightly Hisagi tried to remove himself into his own mind, away from the pain in his heart and the stress that was to come. Away from the mermaid in the tub whose tears rained on his very soul.

So deep in thought that he hadn't heard the rippling of the water, Hisagi jolted his eyes open as a small, wet hand cupped his cheek. Mara's eyes gazed gently into his even as they were red rimmed from tears. He studied her face, the warmth that shone through her wet eyes as she looked at him. He missed the flash of concern on her face as he removed himself from her touch, face like stone, and rose to get her a towel.

Hisagi draped it around her and turned while she dried and dressed before leading her out into the hallway. He said nothing as he wrapped his arm around her waist, still unable to look at her but noting her faltering, exhausted steps, nonetheless. Steeling his will, He opened the door and guided Mara to the futon in the room where Grimmjow had been laid for recovery.

"I thought," he said through gritted teeth, finally daring to cast a glance at her, "that you may prefer to be here."

Mara grabbed his hand, meeting his eyes with an almost angry confusion. "Why are you looking at me like that, Otto?" she asked him.

Hisagi's eyes widened at the endearment that he had thought would be gone and he allowed himself to be pulled down onto the futon next to Mara. He clasped her hand in both of his, raising her knuckles to his lips as he let out the breath he didn't realize had had been holding. He glanced at Mara whose gaze had again shifted to the figure in the bed, but her tight grip on his hand did not waver.

"Those dressings are going to need to be changed soon. He is bleeding through them," she said softly.

"He will be ok, Koi," Hisagi stated with slightly more strength than he had before.

"I know," Mara said distractedly, before turning her heavy gaze on Hisagi himself, "but will you?"

Hisagi stared at their linked hands in silence for a long moment, unable to look in her eyes as he finally whispered, "I don't know. This is going to be a fight, Koi, one I don't know if I can win and I am fearful of the result."

Mara remained silent before tugging his hand to the side and sliding deftly to straddle his lap. On instinct, Hisagi's arms wrapped around her as she clung to him. "Fear," she whispered in his ear, sending chills down his spine, "can drive us. Fear can even make us do things completely out of character to attain what we need."

Hisagi drew back to look at Mara as she repeated his own words back to him.

"What do you need, Otto?"

Hisagi could resist her pull no longer as he crashed his lips into Mara's as an answer. He needed her- god! How he fucking needed her. Mara was pliant in his arms, opening up to him immediately. He raised his hands to frame her face, weaving his fingers in the damp tendrils of her hair, keeping her locked against his seeking mouth.

Her hands found their way inside his uniform top again, soft fingers perusing his strong shoulders and down his chest. He gasped against her mouth as she travelled her hands lower to loop in the waistband of his pants, pulling her hips firmly against his own.

"Otto…"

A whispered groan against his mouth drove Hisagi onward through his fear. He pulled away, gasping for air and courage as he looked at Mara. "You," he said lowly, having a hard time meeting her eyes, "I need you."

Wrapping her hands in his hair, Mara looked at him with confidence. "Done," she affirmed.

Hisagi's eyes were inexplicably drawn to the bed and its prostrate figure before being dragged back to Mara's expectant face. "I need… my friend," he admitted slowly. Even if it kills me, he added mentally, taking in the sigh of the woman glowing with pride in him sitting on his lap.

Pressing another quick kiss to his lips, Mara leaned to settle her head against his solid chest, making it clear that she had no intention of moving. They wrapped their arms around each other and finally spent a moment of companionable silence together. "So," Mara murmured against his chest, "What's the plan?"

.

.

Hisagi lay awake in the dark of pre-dawn, arms wrapped tight around Mara. They had talked into the wee hours of the morning about what had to be done and how to handle it. Her insight and competence made her a valued sounding board. She tended to think 3 steps ahead of their moves like someone puzzling out an intense game of chess.

Her observational skills led to her being steps ahead of him as well, cutting of his bouts of insecurity and worry before they could begin. He had begun to actually feel confident in his decisions in a way he hadn't since before the war. Since his trust in everything had been shattered.

Still, though, he had not had the confidence to bring up the elephant in the room, at least in his mind. Grimmjow was still out cold, most likely from blood loss. His bandages had been changed once in the night by Hanataro. The surprisingly spunky shinigami was the only one bold enough to approach the espada, who growled like a wounded tiger even as he was unconscious. Hanataro had used his zanpakuto to stem the bleeding, but traditional kido healing would not work. It was still going to be a comparatively long process of healing for the man.

Hisagi wanted him to get better. He found he valued Grimmjow in his life now that he had to face that he could be taken and killed, or worse. He couldn't help but fear his recovery, however. Unlike the fear of the blade one wields or fear of something to drive one on, this fear was selfish and heartbreaking and had everything to do with the woman laying in his arms. As if on cue to his thoughts, Mara murmured something in her sleep, nuzzling more deeply into his chest.

With a touch no heavier than the breeze, Hisagi swept the errant strands of hair from her face. He wanted to cradle and touch and kiss her, but he wanted to let the exhausted woman rest. He sighed lightly, fixing his eyes up at the ceiling when he heard her whisper his name gently.

"Shuu," she groaned out more insistently.

"Hmm?" he rumbled lowly, moving to pet her hair gently.

"Ask me what you want to ask me," she said sleepily, "It's clearly keeping you awake."

Hisagi's eyes shot wide open as he looked down at Mara who was raising a speculative brow in his direction. Her dark gaze bore into his but Hisagi couldn't bear it. He shot a look over at the sleeping espada. "I think he loves you," he commented instead.

"Love is an awfully strong word, Shuu," Mara replied not breaking her gaze on him.

"But if he did," Hisagi probed, "What would you do?"

How would you feel? The unasked question hung in the air.

"Shuuhei," Mara said, raising her head to set her chin on her hand where it lay across his heart. He watched her as she processed how to answer both questions that lingered between them. "What do I call you?" she asked him instead.

"Otto," he answered her, brows knitting in confusion as he tried to see where she was going with this.

"I don't remember love, Otto. I don't know what it feels like and I don't know how to make sense of it. I don't know what I feel for Grimmjow right now, and I am so very sorry for that. I wish I could give you the answer that I know you want to hear," Mara explained, glancing at the man in the bed before looking back to Hisagi, "But you Are Otto. My Otto. And that isn't changing."

He could read the truth in her expressive eyes, Hisagi realized as she gave him a wavering grin that he couldn't help but return. He pulled her up and kissed her gently, loving the press of her body on his and how her hand seemed to instinctively drift up hie chest to cradle his jaw like she just wanted to hold him close. He could live with Otto for now, but he steeled in himself a firm resolve. He would have her heart.

They pulled apart from each other when a light knock at the door interrupted their moment. They didn't jolt, though. They had been expecting it.

Hisagi disentangled himself from Mara and rose to answer the door even as his eyes lingered on the small woman who seemed to be piling her own hidden strength into him. He opened the door and was surprised to see Kira facing him, looking even more melancholy than usual.

"They have requested your presence Immediately for an emergency captains meeting regarding yesterday's events," Kira relayed.

"Yeah, I know," Hisagi sighed out, as he reached for his blood soaked haori which hung behind the door.

"They- they are requesting you bring both Grimmjow and Mara with you," he added with sorrow in his voice."

Hisagi paused in his movements, looking hard at Mara. "You sure about this?" he asked her cryptically.

Mara set her mouth in a tight line and gave him a hard nod.

Hisagi looked at Kira with eyes hardened to steel. "Then they are going to dislike me even more than I expected," he drawled, stepping out into the hallway, shutting and locking the door behind him. Mara couldn't hear the words but she could fee the air practically sizzle in the room as he planted a protective kido around it before walking away.

Mara dragged a chair next to Grimmjow's bed, reaching out to hold his limp hand where it hung over the side. She could hear the tramping of feet outside and in the hallway as the entirety of squad 9 formed a defensive position around the infirmary. Looking out the window, she could see the rows of troops revealed in the pale morning light and a blood-soaked captain striding alone out of the gate.