She was traumatised.
My little girl too scared to go to sleep due to the nightmares. Scarred for life, both physically and mentally.
My fault.
My fault for being the aggressor.
My fault for leaving her alone.
My fault for not getting to her.
My fault for not protecting her, as her father should.
My fault…
And I wallowed in that guilt, every hour of every day, allowing it to eat away at me. Vexa at first blamed me, which didn't in any way aid my mental state. She soon stopped, telling me that our little girl still had her life and she would be alright. My wife hadn't left her side since we departed wherever that land had been, day and night spent watching over Siegnette.
I had forgotten my hatred of ships, opting to staying below decks with my family. Guilt led to paranoia that my daughter would get hurt more; I slept at the foot of the bed with my musket. Skin around my knuckles turning translucent with how tight I was gripping the piece.
I was beyond grateful to Vixen, he had protected her and gotten her to Doctor Zecht. Siegnette hadn't lost the use of her left eye, but the scar would be a constant reminder that I had failed to protect her.
"Jonathon," Vexa whispered, running her fingers through my hair.
I wasn't listening, only kept oiling my dog-lock. I kept thinking that if I kept my weapon in good condition I could avoid her getting hurt again.
"John," Vexa tried again. She reached for a crust of bread beside us and dangled it before me. The rag in my hand was dropped and oily fingers took the piece of loaf. "Thank you, my love," I tore a chunk away with my teeth, chewing 'til it was no more than mulch before swallowing.
It would have been better with some oil and not the kind on my fingers.
I propped the musket up against the cabin wall and leant back against Vexa, resting me cheek to her breast. "Is it alright for me to relax?"
The redhead sighed, gently placing her lips upon my head and leaving chaste kiss. Her heart was beating slowly. "You should have started relaxing the moment you knew Siegnette was going to be alright," She whispered into my ear.
"Vexy, I'm terrified. I..."
Her finger touched my lips.
"Blame yourself one more time husband and we will start to have problems," She warned, lifting her finger away.
I puffed out my cheeks, "If you let me finish...I want you to keep her by your side at all times. I don't trust myself any more."
A silence settled over us. We both knew I would continue to act as I did, no doubt I was still a disgrace to Lucatiel, forever the thug.
I reached for the remaining piece of loaf, nibbling at the crust. My mind began to wander, you know how it does, thinking of how I could have done it differently, if I had said something to the boy and stopped his people attacking us at the farm.
Vexa whacked my left temple. "Stop it," She snapped, then tightly gripped my fingers. The pain distracting me long enough to focus back on my loving partner. I closed my eyes and continued to focus on her heartbeat, my rock. Speaking of rock, or more specifically rocking, seasickness had taken hold of me. My hand darted to the bucket on the floor, into which I voided my stomach violently.
On my back Vexa rubbed one of her hands in a circle. It didn't help, bile burned in my throat and the nausea was excruciating, almost as bad as the guilt. Have I mentioned I fucking hate boats? Yes. Well, I fucking hate boats and the sea.
I was enveloped suddenly in a coarse woollen blanket. She hushed me, then completely taking me by surprise began singing. Now Vexa won't kid you and pretend that she has the voice of a nightingale, yet to hear her sing had the cancerous guilt within me quelled.
When she finished, Vexa placed her head on my shoulder and whispered, "Remember I'm here for you, John. Don't ever forget that. You are mine, I am yours, that's what we told each other."
Why I never put an actual ring on that woman's finger I don't know, a damn bloody shame. Hindsight though.
"Are you warm enough?"
"Freezing, my love. I'll live though," I put on my brave face, letting Vex take my full weight. "I love you, Vexy," I must have told her that a billion times.
She nuzzled her cheek against mine, "You tell me every day, I'm not likely to forget."
"You are getting on in years, senility could take your mind. I have to keep telling you before you go mad," Cracked lip split into a grin, and she whacked me over the back of the head. Unfortunately I lost control of my stomach again, coughing up more bile. When would we get off these bloody fucking boats and onto proper dry land for good?
The latch on the door clacked and the door was pulled back, Siegnette tiptoed in looking pale as a sheet. The scar down the her left side of her face was rather noticeable, the skin surrounding was a bright, burning red.
Dysentery, then that wound, and PTSD. Just what every teenage girl wants before they turn 18. Poor bairn couldn't catch a break.
"Is Father alright? You're not dying are you?" The girl already jumping to conclusions and starting to panic.
Her mother reassured her that I was fine and that it was only seasickness. She opened the blanket from around me and allowed Siegnette to clamber in, then wrapped us both up tightly. Her delicate nose wrinkled at the unpleasant mixture of gun oil and sick.
"Your father needs some time to rest, sweetie. You do too," Vexa said, with a forceful, motherly tone. It was the tone she used whenever she knew Siegnette would put up an opposition.
"Yes, Mother," The girl didn't even put up a fight, knowing better than to argue with her mother.
Vexa continued, "I don't want so much as a peep out of either of you." Standing up, she allowed us to recline on the bed, and came to rest on the seat under the rear-facing window. The churning of the water below made it look like it was being boiled, and the wind was deafening; a nice little storm was brewing.
I put my arms around my daughter, holding her securely, safely, and in full view. She couldn't be hurt when we were with her. I also had full trust in Vexa. My full, unquestioning, trust.
Siegnette woke with a heart-stopping scream as she had done every night. I didn't know what to do, I never knew what to do. Every time it scared me.
Vexa rushed to her side, hushing Siegnette and calming me. No parent wants to see their child like that.
The marine stationed outside the cabin crashed through the door. Poor man had done this every night too. None of this was good for my head. I needed fresh air and tobacco.
My clothes were thrown on hastily. "I'm going to dance my way to the Hoplite. See if Doctor Zecht has anything to help her sleep," I informed my partner, brushing my little girl's cheek with the back of my fingers.
As I turned to leave Vexa gripped my hand. "Don't be long. Siegnette is not the only one who needs you here," Her eyes wide, pleading with me. Even rock, as strong as they are, can become eroded.
I nodded.
Rain lashed the deck, proper oilskin weather. I was soaked to the bone the very moment I stepped outside. Lighting up a fag was put on hold. A few dour-looking marines patrolled with lamp glowing weakly, each looking more like a drowned rat that a soldier.
My march to the prow was unsteady on account of the whole ship lurching this way and that. Waves broke against the hull, spraying frigid water over the gunwale. If I caught a fucking cold…
The lanterns on the next closest ship made it easy to fix my position and made shadow-dancing a doddle. It was a fruitless journey in the end, Doctor Zecht had nothing. I returned in defeat. Vex had gotten the bairn asleep, she had worked some black magic over her. Siegnette was completely dead to the world.
The near empty decanter of rum called to me.
"Put it down, Jonathon. You don't need it tonight," Vexa's eyes flickered open, sending me an accusatory glance. The look softened and I lost my composure, breaking down into tearful sobs.
Vexa sprang from the bed, got her arms around me and pulled my head to her bosom. Her cheek was pressed to the top of my head.
"I just want to go home, Vex. I don't care for the Lordranian's, I don't care for the cunt we're supposed to be rescuing. I'm sick of it all. I'm tired. Get me home, Vexa. Get me home," The pleading became unintelligible.
"Oh Jonathon," My name was sighed, "What are we going to do with you?"
What indeed?
"Come to bed and sleep it off. A good night's rest and you will feel better," Vexa, very slowly, guided me to the cot. Once I was in she followed, gliding under the covers and held me, like I had done to Siegnette earlier. Her breath warmly brushed the back of my neck. The fingers of her right hand tightly interlocked with my own.
"Don't worry any more. I'm watching over you and her, so sleep,"Her voice, soft and silvery, was all but lost to me. The world around the bed collapsed into utter darkness and I with it. My first proper kip since our skirmish with those natives, it was well needed.
The time was lost on me, the bright light flooded through the windows. The storm had passed us and by the sound of the shitehawks screeching, all was calm.
Vexa was already awake or, to be correct, hadn't been to sleep. Dark bags hung below her eyes and the whites of her eyes were a dull red.
"I think you're meant to sleep too," I held her shoulder and pulled her on top of me.
The redhead smiled down sleepily, "The two people I love most are hurting. I can't sleep until I know you are both better."
And if she got sick due to not sleeping? I understood however, I would do the same. I cupped her cheek, "Whatever happened to the sex-crazed woman-child that I once knew. I pretty sure she wouldn't have gotten this worked up."
Vexa glared, "One evening, when you were passed out with breath stinking of drink and her private parts, I smothered her and took her place." The glare softened and a saddened frown took its place. Her muscles seemingly gave out and she collapsed on top of me.
"I had to grow up, Jonathon. I found myself with a husband and a daughter. Two things I never wanted," That was news to me, "And now I don't think I could live without you or Siegnette and that I know you understand."
"We could actually become husband and wife. We could have someone officially marry us."
Vexa shook her head, "Not a chance in hell, Johannes-Friedrich. We do not need someone to tell us that we are wife and husband. We don not need to make a vow under any God, seeing as you are one."
'The original' I thought to myself, not that I corrected Vexa. She had a point though, even though we Erebayans have kept the ceremonies and vows etc.
Marriage is one of those difficult things for we immortals, there is no death 'til we part or anything like that.
"Alright. I'd never force you, my love."
Her smile returned, brightening up her face and a warm rosy glow painting her cheeks. I took the opportunity to once again suggest making a little brother or sister for Siegnette. Vexa's external defences opened up and shot the idea down in flames.
Baby making was out of the question, snuggling was still on the table and snuggle we did. Made us both feel much better.
"Why are you always like this when I leave the room for more than five minutes?" The young Milfanito interrupted our cuddle session, shielding her eyes like normal.
Vexa craned her neck with her arms still draped around my neck. "If I have time to spend with your father, I am going to use it."
I mirrored the sentiment, "And you know sweetness, it is very difficult to find a private spot on such a small ship, unlike it is in say a palace or country estate. You've come across that problem and don't try to deny it, we both know." Siegnette's cheeks lit up a shade of pink I had never seen before. "If it makes you feel any less embarrassed, your mother still mast-"
Vexa pressed her hand tightly over my mouth and growled into my ear, "She does not need to know that, Jonathon!"
Our daughter wouldn't have heard anyway, not with how she had her hands pressed to her ears. The young Milfanito even had her eyes screwed shut. A good 30 seconds she stood like that, huffing when she re-opened them. The girl then picked up her mother's pearl-handled hair brush from the table and sat at the window, silently stroking her straw-yellow hair.
Myself and Vexa went back to cuddling.
When Siegnette was done she looked over at us. "Uncle Marius was wanting you, Father. It seemed rather important."
And I couldn't have been told this earlier? Before she had brushed her hair for 20 minutes.
I groaned, burying my face into the crook of Vexa's neck.
"Go," My wife ordered softly, "It should be a good distraction for you."
Reluctantly I clawed myself from the bed, the vacuum quickly filled by Siegnette. The girl disappeared under the blankets. I prayed that my little girl would be able to rest in peace for a few hours.
Marius von Strepp was leant against the gunwale of the quarterdeck, the tips of his powdered wig flapping in the wind. He was sucking on a pipe, gazing at a trailing frigate.
"A messenger reached us early this morning?" The Viscount spoke without looking at me, "The ships sent to scout out our first destination have made land. We're still weeks away, but we know our journey on these stinking tubs is coming to a close."
I took a moment for the information to be processed, "The bastard danced all the way from scouts? Is he still alive?"
Marius gestured yes, "He's passed out on the Endurance after delivering the message."
"He passed out on the Endurance," I blinked, far too tired for jokes, "Don't take the piss, Marius."
Viscount von Strepp was not joking, the poor bastard had near enough dropped dead. It was great news however and news I had been itching for. "One step closer to home," It was so close that I could smell then white grass, feel the cool air of the eternal night.
Marius roped me back into reality, bringing up a current issue. "How's your little girl anyway? Any better?"
I shook my head.
"Try giving her warm milk before she sleeps. I know it might sound childish, but it did wonders for our Robert." Robert being Marius' bastard, the one that was currently a Sergeant in the Imperial army. The ship Comet was carrying cattle, not that there were many cows left. Nothing could be lost in trying it. A marine would bring me some milk later on.
Marius went back to his pipe, then stopped me. Thin wisps of smoke leaked from his mouth and nose, "Myself and the other officers are dining this evening. If Your Majesty and the Lady von Bayer would care to join us..."
"We'll consider it," I left..
Returning to my cabin I found Vixen, he came to check up on Siegnette everyday around noon. He had pulled up a chair next to the bed, Siegnette's small hand poking out from under the covers and was clasped in her uncle's giant meat-hooks.
Vexa propped herself up on her elbow, "What did von Strepp want? Good news or bad news?"
"Bad news for Siegnette," I sighed, shaking my head.
"What is it?" The young Milfanito squeaked.
"Oh my sweet little girl, it's terrible," I wiped away a crocodile tear, "Your days of laying about in bed all day and generally being lazy are coming to an end. The long march is coming."
With a grumble and a pout, Siegnette turned her head away. "I'm not lazy, Father," Siegnette argued, looking to Vexa for support. The redhead kept her lips sealed. The girl urged Vexa with her eyes to say something debunking me.
"Well, your father is not wholly wrong. The only time you leave the bed is to eat or to..." She eyed the close-stool.
"Mother!" Hurt, betrayed and slightly embarrassed, she turned to her uncle. The brute gave her hand a squeeze, then asked not to get him involved. Siegnette tore her hand away, folding both across her chest and huffed noisily. "Were you expecting me to take long walks through this land abundant of trees and grass, perhaps take my horse for a short ride," The young Milfanito sarcastically quipped, "There isn't muchto do here, other that eat and sleep."
That was true and I accepted the point, but Siegnette had missed the fact that I was having some fun at her expense. She pulled the blanket up over her nose, brown eyes set to glare. My daughter would remember this and she would get her revenge. Only on me however, too scared to try anything against her mother. She mumbled that neither her auntie Shanalotte or Katie would say such a thing.
"Sure, sweetness," I winked at her and walked over to stand next to Vixen, "We're finally getting off these boats for good. One step closer to Erebay, to home."
The smile that took to Vexa's lips warmed me through; but not once did I think about the Kellantine siblings and how the were dealing with leaving Drangleic behind.
"Anyway, my love. We're dining with the officers tonight," I leant over Siegnette to Vexa, who was holding out her arm, and pulled her up.
"What about me?" The young Milfanito grumbled from underneath the covers.
"What about you? Hardtack and salt-fish or salt-pork, the choice is yours, as it has been every night for the past several months." The choice elicited a groan from my daughter, not really sure what she was expecting. The girl fussed, telling me that the salt-fish always had a funny smell to it which lingered well after it was gone. There was truth to that, but only before it was cooked. I had no idea what Siegnette was talking about.
Vixen stayed and talked with us another half hour, then made his excuses. Then we waited, attempting to make ourselves look vaguely presentable. The redhead using what little remained of her perfume, dabbing the important parts, covering the whiffs of bodily odour with a sickly-sweet floral scent. I had nothing like that, thus had to be a scruffy bastard.
She looked divine in her dress, outshining the officers in their fancy uniforms and decorations.
It was a wonderfully raucous evening for us all, myself and Vexa leaving rather merry. There wasn't enough alcohol left to get rightly soused.
Siegnette hadn't moved an inch, well, she had rolled over onto her belly. An empty glass adorned the table, it must have contained the milk Marius spoke of.
We quietly slipped under the covers either side of her, the girl groaning sleepily and turned into her mother, draping an arm over Vexa's shoulder. The nightmares still came, not as bad as the previous times however and the girl managed to fall back to sleep within in minutes of waking up. It was going to take more than warm milk to get her back to normal.
We were on the boats another 6 weeks before we made land, passing many of the lead ships of the Dranglein navy, now empty bar their crew, on their way back to Shanalotte. I spared a moment's thought for the Herald, was she coping well with ruling Drangleic? Had she given birth to her child and was it a boy or a girl? All of that kind of nonsense. I penned a letter the night before we made land enquiring after her, confessing that I had gotten Siegnette hurt, that she was okay and missing her auntie Shanalotte. I don't even know if the letter ever reached her.
Our ship laid anchor outside a sprawling port city. Standard bearers stood at the wharf where our life-boats moored. Over the hustle and bustle of the city I could hear drums rat tat tatting away in a constant tattoo. An officer I didn't know the name of told me they had been drilling their men from the moment they had landed, the local populace wasn't overly amused to have foreign soldiers turn up on their doorstep. We were tolerated but not loved, especially since we were eating and drinking the city dry and not paying much in return. We were also a foreign army from a foreign nation they hadn't heard of, they feared we were there to invade.
Our camp was outside the city and was kind of a small city itself. Officers, rankers, camp followers, the whole shebang.
A familiar face greeted us at the centre of the camp. "Auntie Katie!" Siegnette cried jubilantly and jumped into the waiting arms of the Reaper, "I've missed you, missed you, missed you, missed you!"
"Missed you too, Seigy...wait, what happened to your face?" Katie traced the scar, then glowered at me. A low rumble came from her throat, "Explain, now."
The Reaper only turned angrier as I explained. Siegnette interjected on my behalf, trying to calm her auntie before I inevitably got hurt. The Reaper's bottle-green eyes stabbed deep regardless.
"Are you well, Vexa? It must be difficult for you," Katie put my daughter down and embraced my wife.
Vexa smiled warmed, "I will admit, looking after two children is rather tiring. But you know, he only had three mental breakdowns and only started one war. I think that is really good for him, considering how John usually is."
I kept my mouth tightly shut for a couple of seconds and then had a good moan. The old Looking-Glass Knight was in no manner humorous.
"Please do not pout, Jonathon. It does not suit you," Vexa jabbed a finger in my face. I slowly exhaled through my nose and grumbled something of little note under my breath. That something of little note landed me in big trouble.
"You see how he treats me, "The redhead put on a faux offended tone, "Is this what I deserve after so many years of being a loving wife?" Vexa sniffed and pretended to wipe away a tear. She then turned her head and her tongue darted out between her lips. She could sleep of the floor that evening, I thought.
"What's happening then?" I brought everything back to the topic of our mass exodus.
Katie scratched her cheek, "Those two Lordranians were here when we landed and graciously provided us with maps. Why they couldn't have given us the maps from the start, I do not know. Looks like it's going to be rough from here on out."
When wasn't it going to be? It would be a further 3 weeks before the last of the Dranglein navy sailed away and we were at full strength.
The day we marched was miserable, rain coming down sideways and the wind bitterly cold. Marius and the other officers were leading the way on horseback and we marched through ever increasing mud. Vexa, Siegnette and Kat were travelling by carriage behind the main column, in relative comfort and style. Behind them were the supply trains and camp followers/soldier's families.
The icy mud clinging to my stockings was uncomfortable, it would be years before we introduced gaiters to the uniform. I did find some amusement in watching a small, black beetle dragging a nail. Now, what a beetle would need with a nail is beyond me, it was still a welcome distraction. Was it a kleptomaniac or did it perhaps use that nail like a sword? A fanciful notion and a silly one at that. Had fun imagining a world beneath our own, a mighty insect kingdom fallen into ruin like Drangleic and Lordran before it. This was not in fact a beetle, but a knight in black plate and it was going to save the fallen kingdom.
"Oi! You listening?" Don Kyris raised his voice to beat the wind. "You're our Emperor and I'm an Earl. Why are we walking in this piss-storm and not riding in a warm carriage?" My friend shifted his dog-lock so it sat more comfortably against his shoulder.
"Because, at this very moment in time we are both private soldiers in the Imperial army. That and I still still don't want special treatment," I splashed through a puddle, splattering my stockings in even more frigid mud.
The Earl of Andron shook his head and marched on in silence. On and on we went, over countless miles, crossing into different lands, leaving a wake of destruction behind us. The original policy was to pay for all food and necessities, that's quite difficult with 54 thousand people. When we couldn't live off the land, we stole and we pillaged, we took everything that could aid us. On several occasions our column was halted by native armies none too happy with our presence. None were able to best us. Cannon rend steel-plate, musket blast braking fighting will, pike pierced enemy hearts, heavy-cavalry crushing all souls to dust.
We were so out of place in this world, even more so now. The power of the soul could never beat flame and steel, and in some cases bronze. It may not have been so bad if we had met these men with similar weapons or if they had just left us alone. The quicker we completed this job and the way home revealed the better. That dragged bitter thoughts through my head, the want to go home depressed me. I went on however.
Even more months past, More carnage left behind us, along with our rising dead. Dysentery again tore through our ranks. This put the fright on me, fearing for Siegnette's health again. I couldn't sleep at all.
My daughter's health remained good, so it seems that I was panicking for nothing. I still couldn't sleep. I needed Vexa, but she was all the way to the rear of the column.
The only thing that got better was the fact we stopped facing opposition in the way of natives. We felt we should have; the land we marched through felt evil. To our left was a great tower spanned the sky, chains spiderwebbed from it to minor towers. An eeriness bled from the land surrounding it. Our scouts revealing the land poisoned by bogs and abominations roamed freely. Something about the place screamed magic and that meant wytches. There was no way in hell we were marching anyone through there, giving it a wide-berth gave us peace of mind.
We left that evil place behind us, driving deeper into this new land. It was an empty land, we came across few villages and even less people. Wild-life was abundant though, we never had to worry about starving.
For a few weeks we set up camp, it overlooked a narrow ravine into which a small river ran. An unpleasant stench wafted up from it every now and again, the likes you would find at a refuse pit. The more I thought about it the more it reminded me of the gutter under Majula, where the undead residence would drop their breeches and shit directly into the hole in the centre of the town.
I didn't think it wise to set our camp next to such a place. My objections were notes and never acted upon. It left me to become restless, the lack of sleep wasn't helping either.
One evening, after getting Siegnette off to slumberland next to he aunt, Vexa took me out for a long walk. She hoped that the fresh air could clear my head.
"You did not need to bring your full kit, Jonathon," The redhead fussed, grabbing the barrel of my dog-lock and tugged at it. Her lips creased into a frown and her brow furrowed. "You are allowed to relax."
I re-positioned the musket, clutching the weapon across my chest. "I feel much safer like this," I confessed. I was then suddenly gripped by the cheeks and turned to face my wife, the scowl alone would terrify most. I sighed, "Vexy, I know you're concerned. Trust me, please."
The redhead let go of my face only to take a vice-like grip of my free hand, telling me she wasn't letting go until I stopped acting like a fool. And so we walked and walked, the cool evening breeze blanketing the pair of us.
"Where do you think we are right now?" Vexa asked, plucking a blade of grass from the verge we had sat down on to watch the sun set.
I shook my head, "Not a clue. How about Boletaria, from the old man's fairy tales? Those towers we passed fit his description of Latria rather well." Luca had remained adamant up until her death that Ornstein had been full of shit about the land of Old One being real. I always believed him and the tale of the scourge of daemons that besieged Boletaria.
"We are going to Lordran, the birthplace of the first flame. I don not think this land being Boletaria is so far fetched," Vexa stood, dusting herself down, "Come on, we will can have another hour before heading back."
I smiled and held out my hand.
It didn't take long for us to stumble across an interesting sight. A closed grave and a body in well-rusted plate armour, laid against a rock nearby. There was evidence of there once been a marker or something akin sat at the head of the grave. Time had stolen the clue as to who was buried at our feet. The redhead was more interested in the armoured corpse however and dragged me over. Most of the visor on the oddly shaped helm had rusted away, the bleached skull within caught with a permanent toothy-grin.
Our of curiosity my wife removed the crumbling helm and studied it. "Is it just me or does it look a little like a squid?" She passed the helm in front of my face. I though it looked like a piece of old armour and no more. Vexa pursed her lips in annoyance. "Come on, mister. Use your imagination."
"Alright, let me have a proper look," I clamped my musket between my legs and freed up my hand, as Vexa hadn't been joking about not letting go of the other.
I should never have taken the helm, for when I did the familiar sense of nausea gripped me. When was I to be freed of the Ashen Mist Heart? This time was different through, I wasn't alone. In a heap next to me the redhead was sprawled, groaning with the same sudden nausea that had flooded me.
I scrambled over to my prone wife and raised her head from the spongy ground. Her hair was already matted with whatever muck oozed up through the floor, the red stained with a dirty brown.
"What happened?" She asked, choking back a sob. I hushed her, telling her to take a good few deep breaths first. A few gulps of the fetid air and she was as close to better as was acceptable.
I stroked her hand. "That was the gift of the Ancient Dragon and why I disappeared from time to time. We were snatched by the Ashen Mist Heart and thrown into someone's memories." Most likely whoever the helm had belonged to.
The stench hadn't escaped our notice, "Wherever the hell this place is, it stinks worse than the camp latrines."
"I don't know about that. You didn't have to sleep next to you after a few glasses of wine, I swear the covers would float," I got a good thump on the arm for that, and forcefully told me that that never ever happened. Not after she had become Erebayan anyway.
After another telling off, Vexa pushed herself up and dusted herself off. "Now, which way?"
I looked around, a set of wooden planks dropped away into a close by pit. There was not other obvious path for us to take.
Vexa harrumphed, "You know you are supposed to take me to nice places, Jonathon! Not smelly holes in the ground."
I knew better than to argue and to apologise, 'knew better' being the operative word. It wasn't my fault I couldn't control when the AMH was set off and it was she who had made me come out for a walk. You see, it was all her fault really.
"The quicker we find where this memory ends, the quicker we return to where we were," I squeezed her hand reassuringly. Vexa squeezed back, "At least you have not left me alone this time. I would have killed you if that had happened."
"I would never do it on purpose...because you'd hunt me down and I'd rather not think about what you'd do to me afterwards." I shuddered involuntary.
"Damn right I would hunt you down, because I know where you are at all times, mister," She gave me the duck lips, "Just like I would know if you had slept with any other women."
"Yes, my love," A thin smile crossed my lips, "But was that before or after we decided that we loved each other?" I was going to tease her for all it was worth, even if it cost me my life. I could see she was already becoming agitated.
"What do you mean by that? Who was she, Jonathon!?"
"Who was who, my love?" I kept my tone of voice calm, trying to sound distracted as I scanned the environment. Humid air clung to my exposed skin, hands were clammy and the stink was giving me a light head.
Vexa repeated, "Who was she?"
I didn't answer her question, there were dead littering the floor. Each grime covered, sickly, deformed, skulls warped like plague masks. "What are they?" I asked absently.
"People?" Vexa replied, sounding unsure of herself, "Reminds me of the plagued ones back in Drangleic." I remembered Lucatiel cutting one open and the vile ichor spilling out of it, but I could see some of the resemblance. The sickly green skin, the distended paunches (not as bad as those in Drangleic though) and quite frankly just diseased. Neither of us really wanted to examine the body any closer than we were. "Don't touch it," I cautioned, backing away. Vexa needn't have been told.
Rotten planks and rickety ladders took us down further into the valley. A whole rotting city had been erected in the valley, just like in the pit and from what the old man had told me, below the walls of Anor Londo. You humans amaze me sometimes, living in such inhospitable environments and thriving, I'm using the world loosely in this case.
"Next time you take me out for a date Jonathon, I want to be taken somewhere is a lot of pretty flowers and clean air, and has lots of baby deer running about and baby bunnies too," Vexa said without a hint of mirth, her face was serious. "And tell me who the other woman was?"
"I have no idea about what you're talking about, my love." She was making stories up in her head, it was written all over her. Oh, her jealousy was sweet.
"Fine," The redhead seethed, "But I will find out the truth eventually. You had better not be lying to me, Jonathon!" The exact moment she said that Vexa brought her heeled boot down on a slug or was it a leech, either way it's innards were now explosively outards. I think most people at that point would stop their teasing, not me though. Live dangerously and all that.
More ladders and platforms took us to a basin where most of the ground waters ran in to, beneath the water was just stinking mud. Not only that but the kind that sucked with every step forward, making the job to cross the basin a difficult one. I managed to fall twice, but never got my musket wet. It was my lifeline and if it didn't fire...i had a club.
Vexa spied us a set of 'islands' solid enough to walk across, but they were few a far between. What they had in common though were the decorations, even more deformed corpses. Several larger variants lay among them, leading to Vexa expressing that she wished she had her armour and sword.
I would agree, if not for the fact that everything was already dead.
The sight of fat slugs-like creatures slowly inching towards the dead turned my stomach, nasty, slimy things, didn't want to think about them eating the dead. One brushed past my shoe and I made a manly noise of discomfort.
"Now, Jonathon dear. I don't want you think I think any less of you for that scream, but grow a pair, it was only a slug."
"But it's not natural, it's slime in a skin."
"Shut up and shift your bum in that direction, John," Vexa pointed to the end of the basin where solid ground once more reigned supreme. The body of a woman in a winged helmet was propped up against the ravine wall caught our attention. Her throat had been slit, her leather jerkin soaked through with the sticky, now browning, water of life. Her skin was cool and rigor-mortis locked her fingers round her blade, she had been there a while.
There was nothing that could be done for the woman and we left her there, I loaded my musket before so. There was something dangerous ahead and I wanted to be prepared.
Dwellings eventually took the place of rock and flowing sewage, although they were as run down as everything else in the ravine.
"Hey, new faces," A grime covered woman buried within a mound of blankets announced herself and shuffled around, producing some wares. "Won't you buy something? So that I can provide for my child."
There was no such child we could see; had the woman gone mad living in the squalor? Perhaps the child too lay buried under the mountain of cloth. Vexa took my hand. "I think we turn around and walk away from her. She is unhinged and I would rather not catch anything from her," Her voice buzzed round my brain.
"Agreed, my love. Path goes to the right."
We smiled and walked off, the curses of the grimy woman receding into the background as we ascended into what appeared to be a temple, or had been once upon a time. Like everything else it was crumbling and little remained of its interior. I didn't want to think about what they worshipped down there, some abomination probably, it always was.
A creature wailed in pain at the centre of the room, a monstrosity wrapped in wooden panels and cloak of flies. Its heart exposed through a gaping wound, pulsing sporadically before it seized entirely, the monster falling silent with it. The flies all fell as one with the hosts death.
"All of a sudden, I don't feel that Drangleic was all that bad," I said, side stepping the monster and looking for the way out.
"You say that as if you did not like my homeland, Jonathon?" It was presented as a question, in reality it was a landmine. I was nothing but truthful though.
"Absolutely hated it, my love. I hope I never have to go back," I grinned.
Vexa slowly shook her head, "You can lie, you know," The redhead sounded disappointed, "My Mother would have despised you."
"It's a good thing she never met me then, but what does that have to do with my dislike Drangleic?"
"Nothing, I just thought that you would like to know," She turned her nose up at me with a little huff. Her eyes widened suddenly, drawn by the sound of steel clashing against steel we ran through to the next room.
We were back in the ravine, the commotion coming from two combatants. One wore the helmet that had started this whole, damned thing and the other was in a full suit of fluted-plate, wearing a bascinet with houndskull. From the outside it looked like a one-sided fight. The man in the fluted-plate was wielding a piddly little falchion and was up against a man with an overly large hammer. My money was on the hammer, as we all know you can't cut through plate.
The fluted-plate wearing falchion wielding man simply dance around the heavy hammer swings, jabbing at the openings of the other man's armour.
"You will never reach Astraea, not whilst I still draw breath and still have strength to hold my weapon."
It came to me, the man with the hammer was Garl Vinland from the old man's stories. At the very end of the ravine a woman sat, a wimple covered her blonde hair. The once white dress hanging from her thin frame stained in the filth of whatever ran through the base of the ravine. "That's the Maiden, Astraea."
I was, in a manner of speaking, awestruck. This had all actually happened.
A heavy slamming sound echoed around the narrow walls of the ravine as Garl Vinland's hammer smashed the ground. He had overreached, throwing himself off balance and at the mercy of the man in the fluted-plate. One jab at the armpit disarmed the knight, the other man sheathing his falchion and pulled out a dagger.
The maiden's eyes widened in panic, her champion, her guardian, her only friend in this valley of defilement was defeated. He was going to die, then she was going to die and her corrupted soul would go to lulling the Great Old One back to sleep.
Vexa was tightly gripping my shoulder. "Do we get involved?" My wife asked in a hushed voice, watching as intently as I was. I had already made up my mind, pulling the musket tightly to my shoulder.
The cock snapped the hammer and nothing happened. "Powder's damp," I loosed several swears. The gun then went off with a deafening bang, spewing lead and smoke at Garl Vinland's assailant. I hadn't had a hang-fire like that since Brightstone.
When the smoke cleared the man in the fluted-plate was on his knees, a round hole punched neatly through the backplate of his cuirass. Blood dribbled from underneath the faulds, thick and deep crimson. A wet gurgle became louder as I edged closer. Musket reversed, ready to club the cunt if he was still breathing when I got to him.
Not five paces from him the body went limp. Blood beaded the breaths of the visor, a glowing orb pooled at the small of his back. 13 years and I had hoped never to see another soul.
"Bloody hell, Vex," I took a breath and gagged, "Damn… bastard's shit himself. You bloody humans disgust me."
I looked across the Garl Vinland. The warrior in the strange helm was propped up against his hammer, head rocked forward. I helped him with his helmet, raising my canteen to his lips. "It's alight son, drink."
"I won't let you harm her," Vinland struggled against my attempts to help him.
"Calm down, you daft bastard. Lest you do yourself more damage."
Vexa pulled me back, away from the downed knight. "Give him a moment to get himself back together."
"We check Astraea then? Make sure she's alright."
She shook her head and told me to wait, only go when he wanted us to go down. Wait I would, taking the defensive. Those undead bastards could come back, I'd give him a 72 calibre welcome if he did.
Vexa tried where I failed with Vinland, maybe he would see reason if it was the redhead helping him. "We are not here to harm anyone, be grateful we got here when we did," She took a far sterner tone with the knight that I thought she would. The man studied my wife with suspicion, eyeing me even more so. Vex was also giving me the odd glance too.
"What're you staring at woman? Have I got one of those slugs on me!? Get it off me!"
"It is not a slug. I was just admiring you in your uniform, Jonathon," Vexa responded, the hint of a smirk on her lips, "You could do with a wash though."
"Priorities, Vex. You can work your magic on me after we've left," I smiled, then turned my attention back to Vinland. "You doing alright now, hammer boy? Want that drink?" I removed the canteen strap from my shoulder, tossing the whole package over to Vexa. The knight hesitantly took a sip from the canteen and threw it back.
"Who are you and what do you want with the Maiden? And where are you from with weapons that produce thunder and hail?"
"Far, far away, son...well, I was. My wife hasn't even been born yet. That's how far."
Vexa tilted her head. "Oh yes," Her face contorted, "That is really queer. I do not I like this feeling at all."
"What are you two babbling on about? Stop talking and help me get back down to the Maiden. But be warned, try anything with her and I will kill both of you." Using the hammer Vinland got to his feet, a little unsteady at first, held up by my yet to have been born wife. He guided us down a narrow path, part of the ravine wall eroded with time, to the basin below.
One look at what the waters carried and I couldn't take a step further, I lost control of my stomach and felt tears prick at my eyes.
Vexa dropped the injured knight and rushed to my side immediately. "John, what is the matter? Speak to me," She was calm, cradling me in her arms.
"Vex...Vexy," I was struggling to speak, the sight before me was breaking my heart, "T-those...those are. Those are babies, dead babies...hundreds...all dead..why?" Words were failing me, bile rising in my throat. I couldn't turn my eyes away.
"The stillborns, the sickly, the deformed, the unwanted. All are disposed here, all end up at the bottom of the valley," Astraea's disinterested voice reached my ears. This was a daily sight for her. I don't know how anyone could get used to it, I know I never have.
My eyes were closed for me by Vexa, her long fingers covering them and hiding the horror. "Keep them closed and keep listening to my voice. We are going to turn you around, I am going to take my hands away and you are going to focus on my eyes. We are then going to walk over to Astraea."
Her fingers peeled away and took my shoulders, spinning me to face her. I opened my eyes to see hers and only hers.
"Small steps," Vexa raised my chin, "Do not look away from me, not even for a moment." With a gentle touch she guided me away from the little ones. Every step forward she held my gaze, never allowing my eyes to stray. Before I could tell I was standing face to face with the abandoned saint.
Astraea was older that I had thought she would be, creases and crinkles lining her face. She looked tired, at the very end of her rope.
Vinland was resting against the wall, looking very pale. His face was streaked with dirt and sweat. "They never stop coming," He stretched out his hand to Astraea, which she took, the gauntlet squeaking as she wrapped her fingers around his. "I sorry, my Lady. The last one got the better of me."
The Maiden smiled reassuringly, "You are still alive, my knight. Who are they? So unaccustomed to this valley."
I was still shaken; Vexa answered on my behalf, doing her best to explain the ludicrous situation we found ourselves in. It was amazing enough that we could communicate at all, considering the time gap between the demonic invasion of Boletaria and the rise of the second Dranglein empire, that and it was a different country.
That aside, it was difficult to see if the woman truly was a daemon. You would never tell from just looking at her. But you know, books and covers.
"I don't know why you're here. You did save my knight however, I thank you for that," The Maiden shifted on her perch, the fetid water rippling around the hem of her skirt. It washed over my shoes, freezing and filthy.
I swallowed the bile in my mouth. "Right place, right time. No more." Had to keep it short, single syllables, any more and I would lose control of my stomach again. I couldn't wait for this memory to end. I remembered my hip-flask, taking a good long nip of the whiskey inside. "They will get you eventually, Astraea. There's no stopping them."
Vinland seemed to take offence, forcing himself up and in my face. "I will be there to stop them."
"Knock of the bravado, hammer boy. I watched that twat in the fancy armour dance around you and knife your armpit," I shoved against his breastplate, "Astraea should be dead now. The next time I won't be here to shoot the bastard before he slits your throat and then hers."
"Jonathon!" Vexa slapped my shoulder
The knight tightly gripped the shaft of his hammer.
"Garl," Astraea called, "The man is correct. Did you really think we could fight until the end of time?" I think he though he could. When the flag, the ideology or the person is so clear, you think you can fight for a thousand years. The bright light could never fade, yet it does and it all crumbles eventually. Only then does the world become clear.
"Do you remember why we came down here? My dear knight." Astraea beckoned him back to her side. The knight backed off, sitting beside the Maiden and she cupped his cheek. "We came to help the forgotten peoples of this valley-"
"But then the fogs came and what you came to heal you began to corrupt," I interrupted, "You're not human any more, Astraea. Are you?"
The Maiden shook her head, "I'm afraid I'm not, Sir. I don't quite know what that fog did to me, yet here I am, changed and not for the better." She sighed and slumped her shoulders. "Abandoned by the church and by God, and now hunted by soul seekers. Poor Garl has fought off more that I can recount. All we wish is to be left alone, to be forgotten with the rest of inhabitants of this valley."
One could only wish. To the rest of us it could never happen, her soul was needed and there was no way around it. Both a beacon and a blight to the world, and that would always attract attention.
I edged closed, what was I to say to the woman? I looked to Vexa but she had nothing, my mouth remained closed. I thought and I thought, nothing coming to me and then. "You were abandoned by one god, there's another that hasn't." Granted he had only just met her and up until then thought she had been a myth.
"Please do not mock me, Sir. What God would love a monster such as I?"
I handed my weapon off to my wife, bending down and scooping up a piece of stone. I performed my little trick, then flashed naked briefly. "I wouldn't go as far as love," I gave Vex a sidelong smirk, "But I might say I respect you and Vinland for fight as long as you have, and I can't really say I respect you religious types."
Astraea gave me a distant look and whispered the name of her own god. I shook my head and told her I wasn't hers. "The truth is you don't need any gods. Hell, I didn't even know you hairless monkeys even existed after the creation of reality, but I'll be damned if you don't always surprise me and all you do is without the aid of any god."
I mean sometimes we are involved and that doesn't always help. You know, two world wars and I was on the losing side twice.
Vexa walked behind me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders. "I am inclined to agree with my husband. You do not need a higher power watching over you."
The warmth of her body was pleasant against my back, I was so very grateful that she happened to be there with me.
"A higher power, no. A loving partner, now that's who'd I'd want watching over me," I rubbed Vexa's arm and gave it a bit of a squeeze. "It won't matter and I think you already know that. Don't give up though. You hammer b...Garl Vinland will fight until the very end. You can't win, but you can make them bleed for every step they take towards Astraea. And you, sixth saint of the church, you are not abandoned and I will never forget about you either, here or here," I tapped my chest and my head, "I can't do no more than that." I tilted my head up, catching Vexa's eyes, "Let's be off, find somewhere quiet we can wait out the rest of this memory and leave them in peace."
"Good idea, mister," The redhead bent over, kissing my cheek.
I stopped and turned before we started to climb from that accursed pit, one last thing to say to the daemon Astraea. "When the time comes, and it will, die well. Die on your own terms, not there's and I hope you find your peace."
Faintly, above the sound of the filthy waterfall, I heard her thank me and Vex. In a way I don't think she was a daemon,. They're dumb, brutish animals. Not her. I don't know what Astraea was, doubt I ever will.
Right...so, myself and Vexa returned to the shanty-town beyond the old temple. The filthy woman sneering as we approached. "Oh, returned have we? Too high and mighty to look at my wares, be gone with you…unless you dealt with that monster, the one that ruined my home, turned all my friends into those things you see. I hope it suffered."
The urge to shoot the woman was overwhelming, what did she know? Eh? It would do nothing though and I kept the musket over my shoulder and walked away. "Don't you have a pox to die of?"
Vexa yanked my arm, dragging me away to find a lovely like cavern in which to wait. When we couldn't find one of those we returned to where we started.
Ever the resourceful woman Vexa got us a fire going, spending minutes bent over a pile of rotten, soaked wood, and managed to set it away. "You better not be staring at my bum, mister," She gave her hips a bit of a wiggle.
"Who, me? No, never. I would never dream of doing such a thing," I looked up to see stars and a new moon waxing, the back down the sight of the redhead's full moon.
Vexa scooted backwards, "Stop smiling like that, you are going to make me blush."
Couldn't help it, "Glad I got stuck here with you, because I know no matter what you'll get me home alright."
"We are not home yet. All the same, someone has to be there to keep your head attached to your shoulders and that someone is me," She took my hat off and brushed my fringe aside, "I hope you never have to see that ever again." The tip of her nose touched mine, green eyes full of support.
Mine closed and I sighed, "So many though."
"Hush now and think of all the thing we are going to get up to when you and I are in Erebay." A hand gently caressed my cheek, the warmth of her skin almost drown out the rising nausea.
No fire, no stars above. Bright daylight flooded into the ravine, shining down on a grave and the corpse of Garl Vinland. We were back.
I like to think that he fought his hardest to protect her and when he couldn't fight any longer, he watched over her grave. Loyalty or fanaticism, I'll let you decide that one dear reader.
"Thank you, my love," I stood, "I think it best we head back to camp...probably worried about us by now."
Oh, we got a bollocking and a good one, we were back though and that was all that mattered.
Still couldn't sleep, but who needs that.
Hello all, I do hope you are all doing alright.
So, I thought that going through Boletaria would be fun. I quite enjoy the fight with Garl Vinland, even though the Valley of Defilement is my least favourite area of Demon's Souls (Closely followed by the Tower of Latria). Thought it would be a good excuse to further the use of the Ashen Mist Heart. On a separate note, did anyone else find the Old king Allant fight piss easy? I did and it left me rather disappointed with the end game. Same thing happened with Gwyn. Artorias took me months, Gwyn took me two minutes.
Anyway, if you wish to give me any suggestions of what to have John & co do in Baletaria I'm all ears. Same goes with general improvements and feedback, and yes I'm aware that there is some much to go back through. It will eventually be edited.
As always I don't own the rights to any of the Souls games.
Until next time.