Chapter 25

Cal looked up as he noticed Sam and Ruby walking towards him. Smiling, he nodded towards the two as they walked past, before looking down at his notes. A part of him was slightly nervous about talking to her again, after all, he wasn't sure if she was really interested in him. Maybe, just maybe, he could try to talk to her again.

"Stalker," he jumped as Louise walked up to him, "Why haven't you've asked her out just yet?"

"I'm trying to," Cal mentioned, "But I couldn't find the right time. Right now, I need to make sure Ethan is okay first, you know how it is."

"As someone with an older brother," Louise commented, "It's nice you want to look out for Ethan. But he's a big boy, he could look after himself."

"Yeah, I know," Cal looked at his notes, "I'm just a bit worried about him. He's been struggling with Lily not being here and Alicia hasn't been helping much either."

"She's worried about Ethan dumping her for Sam," Louise commented, "She's feeling ignored."

"Really? Because Ethan has given Alicia no reason to doubt him," Cal put the notes on the table, "And if I remembered correctly, it was Alicia who had been ignoring him."

Louise looked at Cal with a glare, unable to hear him speak ill of her best friend like that. Hoping that this is all just one big misunderstanding and that Ethan and Alicia will get things back on track. Has she only heard just one side of the story? Alicia had been fearful that Ethan would finish with her and dump her for Sam. After all Ethan is spending quite a lot of time with Sam, time that they don't even need to spend. People could train alone, what harm could it have possibly done?

Lily tried to set the bed out ready. She knew what the plan would be, but she was still nervous. Even though she had no reason to be nervous, they've been intimate before. Maybe it was down to knowing it's been a while since it's happened for the two of them. The last time they've done it, they weren't facing uncertainty. It was as if cancer had robbed them of the opportunity to have a normal healthy relationship.

Was Iain feeling just as nervous as she was?

Lily couldn't be sure.

Noticing the mirror, she begun to wonder what is it that Iain is now finding attractive about her. She's lost a lot of weight, she had a lot of marks from having drugs pumped into her veins, and her hair is now on the end table. There isn't anything she found about herself attractive.

Nothing.

Maybe that's why she's putting so much pressure on herself to make this night special for him.

Would it matter to her if it wasn't?

Ruby and Sam waited in the lounge in the ambulance station, Ruby was looking at the coffee morning notice that was being set up in the ambulance bay, wondering if she should bring Luke with her. He'll be starting his chemotherapy treatment in a few days, and he instantly told his family that he doesn't want anyone there with him. Ruby was saddened at that, but she couldn't understand why he wouldn't want anyone with him.

Sam looked up, noticing how worried Ruby must have been. Walking up to her, she placed her hand on her shoulder.

"Thank you," she smiled at Sam, "Luke's first chemo session is Wednesday. He doesn't want anyone with him."

Sam closed her eyes at hearing this. She could just picture the feeling. Only it wasn't Luke and Ruby she was hearing. It was Iain and herself. Sam had tried to carry on things as if they were normal for a while.

Who was she kidding? If things were normal, she would be in the ambulance, having a disagreement with Iain over the best thing to put in a kebab. If things were normal, she'd be training with him, giving her some competition. In things were normal, then he'd be here, placing a poorly made cup of coffee in front her.

Ruby turned and noticed Sam was crying. Carefully, she walked her over to the sofa. But what could she do? What help would she be to Sam?

Ruby never saw Sam crumble like this before.

What could she do?

There are a few things that Iain had learnt from the experiences of having cancer. He's learnt that drunken people were a nightmare to deal with whilst you were sober, he's learnt that some people will always insists that you couldn't look after yourself and he's learnt that no matter how difficult things could get, you will always see a light at the end of the tunnel.

But Iain has also learnt that if people see a grown man in his early thirties, wearing a woolly hat, even while indoors, the word will always be 'cancer'.

It irritated him at first when people moved to one side and when people insists that he cuts in front of them so he can go home, especially during the winter months.

But it makes being in an alcohol aisle of a shop feel even stranger.

Iain hasn't tasted alcohol in months, not wanting to take the chance of dealing with the effects that having it could do when combined with several cancer drugs in his system. In fact, he knew once he got better, he was never going to drink alcohol ever again.

But he wanted to make tonight special for Lily. It's been months since the two of them were intimate with each other, the last physical contact they properly had was when they shared a bath together the night he was diagnosed and all they did there was cuddle. It was as if their lives have been robbed because of cancer.

He couldn't believe it when Lily suggested they'd try to have a healthy sex life again. He was worried he would make her feel uncomfortable, but he knew that if she wasn't ready to do it, she wouldn't have suggested it.

Knowing that he wanted Lily to feel comfortable and confident in herself, he knew that he would need to do his role to make sure she felt comfortable.

Noticing the bottle of alcohol-free Champaign, he took a bottle of it from the shelf, ready to take it to the till.

Knowing fully well, it's been a while, and he wanted to make the evening perfect for the two of them.

Cal decided to take a gamble, noticing Sam was sitting on the table, coffee cup in hand. He noticed that she wiped a tear away from her eyes. It was a side that he knew she had, but never expected her to show. He felt his heart break for her, he knew he was falling in love with her.

But what should he say to help her?

He suddenly felt jealous of Ethan. It was times like this, he wished he could say the right thing like his little brother could. But the words, even the best words, come out wrong.

Taking a deep breath, he walked over to her.

"Mind if I join you?" he asked her, causing her to look up at him.

"Sure," she whispered, wiping the tear from her eye, "How are you? I feel as if we've haven't spoken in a while."

"I understand," he smiled at her, "I wanted to say thanks for helping Ethan last week. It's been a while since I've last saw him smile like that."

"It's okay," Sam smiled, "It was the best fun I had in a while, even though I wanted to shoot my cousin last week with the paintball gun."

Cal laughed at the comment, wondering why Sam would want to do something like that.

"What about you?" Sam asked, "Was everything okay?"

"Yeah," Cal smiled, noticing Sam holding her hand out, allowing him to take it, "I wished I could be able to help you like Ethan could."

"It felt awkward at one point," Sam admitted, "At one-point Ethan called me, forget it. I don't want things to be awkward."

"What did he call you?"

"He called me 'Lily'," Sam explained, allowing the tears to drop, "It made me realise that once Lily and Iain are back, things will go back to normal. But. but I don't want things to go back to normal. I want Iain and Lily to get better, but things have changed quickly for me. Once they return."

"Maybe the changes could be a good thing," Cal reassured her, "And what is 'normal' anyway? What is the clear definition?"

"I don't know," Sam sighed, looking to see where her hand ended up.

On top of Cal's.

Sam suddenly felt her heart rate rise, the drumbeat keeping pounding and pounding. She looked up at Cal, gazing into his eyes. What is it about him that she admires so much about? He isn't like Dylan or Tom, yet she's still charmed by his eyes. Why is Cal so different and irresistible to her?

Sam found herself leaning forward, closing her eyes, just before her lips touched his.

Cal moved back, shocked. He wanted to kiss her, but she's very vulnerable now. As much as he wanted to kiss her, he couldn't do it when she was upset.

"I'm sorry Sam," Cal whispered, "I like you. I do, but I don't want our first kiss to be when you're upset. I'd be taking advantage of you."

"Oh God," Sam placed her hands over her mouth, "Cal, I'm so sorry."

Sam didn't know what to think anymore! How could she have done that? She tried to kiss Cal; she didn't even realise that he was rejecting her straight away! The one time she tried to take a gamble and he knocked her back!

Feeling humiliated, Sam quickly stood up and quickly left the table. She didn't want to say a word to Cal after the way she embarrassed herself. How can she face him? Have her actions completely pushed him away? Maybe Sam had completely put Cal off now more than ever.

Sam found a quiet area near the garden, lowering herself down. Looking around, she prayed that Cal wouldn't have the heart to follow her here.

Drawing her knees to her face, Sam let the tears fall.

She never felt as alone as she did now.

Lily set the candles on each side table, clearing the table of anything else. Each candle scented with the midsummer night feeling, just like the first time the two of them made love to each other.

The memory of their first time came to mind.

Lily could remember that night well.

It soon dawned on her, that she's been planning a special night for herself and Iain. But they never made schedules like this before. Even their first time was unplanned, as well as a little bit uncomfortable considering the location.

Holding the lighter, Lily decided to walk back to the kitchen to put the lighter away.

Hearing the door open then close, Lily walked over to the hallway, smiling when Iain walked through. There she noticed the champagne he was holding. Confused, he knew they couldn't drink, not whilst the two are taking medication for their cancers. Lily kept her eyes on the champagne, wondering why he went through the trouble.

"Champagne?" Lily looked at him, "Iain, you are aware we can't drink."

"It's alcohol-free," he held the bottle out to her, allowing her to take the bottle.

Lily sighed in relief, after reading the bottle.

"Has Gem gone?" Iain asked her, checking the house.

"She left fifteen minutes ago," Lily explained, walking to the kitchen, "Jacob gave her a lift. He was asking how we're doing anyway?"

"Sounds good," Iain smiled.

Whilst heading to the bedroom, Iain froze when he saw that both end tables each had three candles, varying in sizes. All in a coal black, it was clear Lily used a Midsummers' Dream scent…and he's been spending too much time with her for him to know that.

Iain suddenly realised; Lily must be as nervous as he was.

But why? They had sex before. Just, not, planned.

And when they did have sex, they weren't under the pressure that they were in now. What was so different?

"Lily?" Iain walked towards the kitchen, "Why have you've placed candles on the side of the bed?"

"Sorry," Lily sighed, "I've been wanting to make tonight perfect. So, I've been trying to…"

"Set the mood?" Iain smirked at her, "I felt nervous as well. I don't understand why. I mean, we've had sex before."

"But this is different," Lily sighed, "And I was scared that you won't find me attractive anymore."

Iain looked sadly at Lily. Was that the reason she's been worried all this time? That he wouldn't look at her the way he normally does?

"Lily," he sighed, pulling her in his arms, "Nothing would put me off."

"But my hair is in the wardrobe, I've spent several days throwing up, and I know I've lost weight," Lily stuttered.

"And what caused that?" Iain reminded her, pressing his lips on her cheek, "No one said it would be easy. But please, don't assume you'll put me off. You are the most beautiful woman in my life. In and out."

Lily smiled at his comment, realising that she's been worried over nothing. Besides, Iain knew all of Lily's imperfections, but instead of commenting and using that on his own judgement, he decided to celebrate them. This made Lily realise that she found her true soulmate, and she didn't want to let him go.

"Thank you," Lily smiled, "I guess I just wanted this to be perfect."

"Really?" Iain chuckled, "Have you forgotten exactly where we first had sex? At the back seat."

"Of Cal's car," Lily laughed with him, "We never planned that night in the first place," Lily pondered, "Every time we've done it was in the moment. I think this is the first time we've planned it."

"That's why we were nervous," Iain realised, laughing in relief.

Lily suddenly felt her mind becoming clearer after the reassurance, all the worries she had faded away. The nerves were still there, she and Iain both clearly wanted something to happen tonight. They just needed to stop thinking about it and start to relax more.

Lily suddenly realised that a perfect night just needs to happen.

"I have an idea," Lily suggested, "What if we put on a film? It could relax us a little bit and take the nerves away. Break the ice a little bit."

"I never thought I'd hear you say the words 'Break the ice'," Iain laughed at her, playfully tapping her nose, "But that sounds like a good idea."

"You taught me well," Lily smiled, "I'll get the champagne, I'll let you pick the film."

Ethan just finished his shift for the day, and it's been a hard day indeed. He spent the day in cubicles, and some of the cases were intense. He was just happy to call it a day and go home to spend some time at home with his revision notes. His consultant exams are in six-month time and he wants to pass them with ease.

The moment he stepped outside, he felt the cold air hit his face, he felt ready to walk home. In fact, he's been walking home a lot lately and he's found that the more he does it, the more he benefited from it.

Ethan took in his surroundings, where he suddenly noticed Sam, still in her paramedic uniform sitting on the stone wall. Hasn't her shift already finished?

It soon dawned on Ethan; Sam has been down about something.

Ethan didn't want to leave her on her own. When he was down, she made sure that he was okay, cheering him up when he needed it. Sam made him feel as if he could confide to her about anything without being judged.

He wouldn't be able to call himself her friend if he wasn't prepared to do the same.

Taking a deep breath, Ethan walked over to her, attracting her attention.

"Ethan," Sam wiped her eyes, "I'm sorry. I should have been heading home."

"I thought your shift finished," Ethan whispered, "Do you want some company?"

"Is everything okay?" Sam asked him as he lowered himself down to the floor.

"I could ask you the same thing," Ethan whispered.

"I'm fine," Sam mentioned, "I've just been a bit selfish. I thought about Iain and Lily, but then realised how different things are. I feel guilty as I didn't want things to go back to normal. My life ended up changing, Ruby's amazing, you and I are becoming fast friends and I'm even considering a future with Cal. But if this became the new normal, what would happen to Iain? To Lily? I want them get better and come back to work."

Ethan pulled her in for a hug, letting Sam sob into his chest. It soon dawned on him that there is a possibly that once Lily and Iain return to work, things would go back to normal. It would return to the way things were before they were told they had cancer.

A part of Ethan doesn't want to lose Sam as a friend, but he knew that once Lily returns to work, it may happen.

"I sound selfish," Sam broke away, "All I kept thinking about was myself. I'm happy you and I became friends. I'm happy that things are happening between me and Cal. I'm happy that Ruby and I are getting along. But then I kept remembering that it wouldn't have happened if Iain and Lily had never had cancer. It's as if I'm happy they have cancer and I feel guilty for that. I'm scared that I'm happy that my best friend has cancer!"

"Sam," Ethan reassured her, "Listen. There is no right way to deal with this. Cancer doesn't affect the person that have it, but it also affects the people around them as well, as we must cope and watch it affect the people we care about. I'm still haunted about the day Lily and Iain both felt sick, as I've never seen that happen to them before. It was as if they went to a restaurant and both ate something that went off. It was awful seeing them be isolated from everyone, being the ones to break the bad news, telling them they couldn't go. I felt guilty not being able to tell anyone because, 'What have I got to be upset about?'."

Sam looked at Ethan, realising that this is the most he talked regarding his feelings about having a best friend going through something heart-breaking.

"But the worst part," Ethan sighed, "Is watching them, wonder if this will be your last memory with them. I'm going to be honest Sam; I'm scared that I'll lose my best friend to this horrible disease. And I'm scared I'm going to be alone if that happens."

"You won't be," Sam mentioned, "I'll always be here for you. Ethan, you're one of my best friends. And when Iain and Lily get better and come back to work, it doesn't have to mean we stop being best friends."

"That's good," Ethan smiled, "Because I don't think I could have coped without you."

Ethan and Sam smiled, before playfully fist bumping each other. Sam still felt guilty that all it took to bond with Ethan and potentially have a relationship with Cal was her best friend and his girlfriend being ill with cancer. Sam knew that these relationships are here to stay, and she knew things are looking up.

"Hey," Ethan suggested, "Why don't you get changed, and then we could go to Iain and Lily's tonight? See how they are? Lily said they were going to be home tonight."

"Sounds good," Sam smiled, picking themselves up from the floor.

Neither of them noticed that the stars were glistening in the sky.

Nor did they notice that the chilly air just became colder.

Nor did they notice Louise waiting around the corner, having heard every word of their conversation about how Iain and Lily's cancer battle had been affecting them as well?

Louise soon knew the meaning of Cal's words. Ethan had been spending a lot of time with Sam, because she knew what he was going through. They both have a void, left behind because their best friend has cancer.

Louise wondered if Alicia took any notice of the impact Iain's cancer had on Sam.

She also wondered if Alicia had taken any notice of the impact Lily's cancer had on Ethan.

Lily wasn't surprised that Iain chose a Batman film to watch. The dark settings which sent chills through her whole body, from her brain to her toes. The tones of the characters' voice which normally scared her. And the plot of the film, also creates a tense interest towards the audience as a high budget film should.

But Lily didn't care about the characters, or the setting of the film, or the plot as she found herself unbuttoning Iain's jeans.

She was surprised Iain wasn't paying attention either as she felt his hands drawing circles on her bare skin under her top.

Neither of them knew what was happening in the film…

…they were too busy kissing to be paying attention.

I hope you've enjoyed this chapter!