THANK YOU for sticking around and reading this story for so long. I appreciate each and every one of you. Special thanks to those who took the time to review along the way. I went through lots of revisions and took advice to heart for this one, and also went through long periods where I did no work, either because I was busy or unsure of where I wanted things to go. I'm not sure when or if I'll ever complete the sequel I had in mind, but I won't let another fic drag on for this much time again. I am blown away that you all are still around after four years (?!). As a little bonus, I thought I'd leave you with some notes and anecdotes from my writing process, along with a playlist of music that inspired me along the way.
Suvi the cook is named for Suvi Anwar from Mass Effect: Andromeda.
Hana (Agent Five) is named for Hana Song, a.k.a. , from Overwatch. Nerf this!
In 'Calamari County Elegy', Mrs. Flumm exclaims, "Land sakes!" This was my great-grandmother's favorite expression.
There is music for the song Marie sings to Goji. I've had those lyrics around for a long time and always had the melody in mind.
Goji was not always the main protagonist. Early versions started in Midori's and Kiyo's perspectives. In these drafts, Goji was a one-dimensional, hardworking big sister who served as a foil to Kiyo's teenage angst. She was a barista at the Monsoon Café and was generically pretty. The other boys' crushes on her were recurring jokes in dialog with Kiyo. As I created motivations for the characters, Goji's history and personality deepened. In one scene, the siblings argued about Kiyo's plan to be a pro turf war player. Goji told him it was a pipe dream, and he responded with, "Mom always believed in me." That raised the matter of what happened to their mother. Their backstories unfolded from there. I realized I wanted to tell that story first, and in the process overhauled the characters.
In the same early drafts, Sera went through several variations. She was first a waitress at the café where Goji worked. Her first interaction with Kiyo was to reproach him for sassing his sister. After I dropped the café plot, Sera became a street artist, then a musician, then a homeless kid who took shelter from a blizzard by breaking into Goji and Kiyo's garage. When it was clear Goji would be a nurse, Sera's sickness and long recovery provided grounds for her to stay connected to Goji and Kiyo after their first encounter.
Goji's journey into and out of depression was informed by Andrew Solomon's book, The Noonday Demon. The personal accounts there formed the basis for Goji's withdrawal from loved ones, reckless disregard for her own health, and belief that she doesn't deserve help or happiness. Her experience with antidepressants is a direct portrayal of mine.
Marie's control issues and nearsightedness in relationships arose from an early tip. In drafts, money and power could solve all the plot conflicts. Marie has plenty of money and power. Something had to get in the way, and Marie needed a flaw to give her depth and room to grow as a person. Thus she inherited her mother's tendency to "help" like a steamroller and disregard others' feelings.
Callie wasn't supposed to have much of a role at all. When she appeared, she was mostly flippant and antagonistic toward Goji. I'm glad I worked her in later to give her a chance to show how much she cares about Marie's happiness and Goji's health.
Working out an ending was part of what took so long. For most of the writing I assumed Goji's crisis would resolve by getting back together with Marie. I realized that made no sense since Marie is a big part of the problem. More importantly, I was using a relationship as a cure for mental illness, which is a bad idea and a bad message. Goji and Marie each needed to reach the cores of their problems separately if they were ever to be happy together.