"But this is all stuff you should be telling Connie, not me." He furrowed his brow, carefully continuing after the small gap of silence. He'd left an open space for Sam to jump in with an argument but he remained still and quiet. "You know, if she thinks she want nothing to do with this baby, she's probably upstairs feeling extremely afraid and alone right now. I know she asked you to leave but this is Connie we're talking about, that's what she does when she's wounded. She'll push you away, say hurtful things and I know how infuriating that is, trust me. But that's just how she deals with things, just like how you stick your head in the sand and carry on like nothing's bothering you, pretending this baby doesn't exist just in case you lose her." He stopped briefly, mustering his next words cautiously. "Neither of you can do this alone, especially not Connie regardless of how strong she might seem. You need each other, so I suggest you pull yourself together, get back upstairs and talk to one another once and for all! For the sake of your children born and unborn, I have said it time and time again but this is the last time. Go and fix this before it's too late." There was a hint of irritation in his tone now, he was slightly sick of repeating himself. Of course, it was none of his business and he could easily butt out and remain outside of the relationship drama but he cared too much to just sit back and watch them both self-destruct, particularly when the adverse effects would interfere with not one but two young, innocent lives.
"You came back then?" Her voice was extremely quiet and far more subdued than it had been earlier. He'd been stood outside, debating whether to go back in or just let her cool down until the morning. He was never one to leave things as they were though, and now was no different. He had entered the room cautiously, making sure to signal that he came in peace and had in fact calmed down himself.
"I never left." He blinked slowly, his mouth curling at one side with what she figured was a very small smile but it was gone again within the blink of a eye. They both began to speak at the same time before stopping and letting the other continue. "No, go ahead." He urged, knowing that his apology could wait.
"About earlier, I-"
"You don't need to apologise." He interrupted gently, not wishing for her to say sorry for what had happened, after all she wasn't in the wrong in his eyes.
"Actually, I wasn't going to." She breathed, her gaze never leaving his face as he approached the visitor chair once more and seated himself on it carefully. "I was just going to explain why I got so angry." She tried to rein in her slight anger at his assumption that she was going to apologise and for what?
"No, no of course." He stated quickly. "You have nothing to be sorry about, in fact that's why I came back." His words instantly calmed her, he obviously understood the error in his ways. "I've had some time to think downstairs, I know I've been pretty absent lately and I know how it must come across." They locked eyes again, she looked more serene this time. There was no pain or discomfort in her expression and her breathing was regular once more.
"Well, I had Elliot in my ear whilst you were gone and I can only imagine you had Charlie in yours?" She whispered softly, a gentleness in her facial features as she tried to read his expression. His small folded smile as he glanced down at his knees answered her question silently. She was quickly backing out of her decision to open up, a last minute panic at the thought of putting herself in that position. The quietness remained for a few more moments before she spoke again, this time even more lightly, as if she was bearing the worst of news to someone. "I don't think this is working, Sam."
"What?" He sat up quickly, inching closer to her whilst studying her glossed eyes. "No, don't say that." His hand found hers as it lay limply by her side, she wanted to squeeze it back but that would contradict her words. "That's not true, we can't just throw in the towel, not now." He could feel his chest tightening at the thought of losing all of this because of his stupid coping mechanisms.
"I can't." She murmured softly. "I can't keep going on like this." She licked her upper lip slowly, her eyes darting to the ceiling in a desperate bid to stem the tears and she succeeded before clearing her throat and speaking lowly. "I'm exhausted and so are you. Our sole focus should be Grace right now and only Grace. This is all just getting in the way."
"Please, don't shut me out-" He pleaded emotionally but was interrupted instantly.
"You already shut yourself out, Sam!" Her loud response hushed him, his face broken and his expression haunting. He looked crushed. "You know, I've given you the benefit of the doubt countless times and I just can't do it anymore." The last of her retort was softly spoken, like she was emotionally too exhausted to continue arguing back and forth the way they were. "So if this is what it's going to be like with you, a ghost-like presence, the half promises and the never-ending vows to change, then it ends now because I am tired." Her heart-wrenching words were tearing him to pieces inside, and on the outside too. His face looked incredibly reflective, a shade of regret coating his expression. There was complete silence, she avoided looking at him but was forced to after what felt like five minutes of pure quietness. She could see he was battling with his own mind, an internal war going on inside his brain before he finally opened his mouth. His voice was so gentle, as if afraid to speak too loudly and invite her to raise her voice as well.
"I do want this baby, despite what you might think." His delicate sentence shocked her after what seemed like minutes of painful stillness, forcing her neck to snap in his direction with a look of question on her face.
"Elliot told you?" She asked in disbelief.
"No." He chuckled yet his face showed no signs of humour. "I already had a slight inkling, and everything you've just said made it quite clear. I know that's what you were upset about earlier, it's why I came back. To reassure you that's not the case at all." He paused for only a short breath, not allowing her to interject before continuing. "I didn't realise how much my behaviour has been affecting you and our baby."
"Sam-" She began again, adamant she wasn't changing her mind, but he was desperate to follow Charlie's stern words and finally spill his feelings. Unlike Connie, who was actively avoiding all of Elliot's advice down to the plain and simple fact that she did not like feeling helpless and vulnerable, despite her emotional outburst only minutes ago.
"You don't know what it feels like to hold your dead child in your hands." His statement was dark yet he somehow managed to deliver it with a tender tone. "He was so small and helpless. That feeling will stay with me forever, the image of his pale skin and lifeless body will never leave me." His sorrowful words silenced her immediately as he'd cut her off, her face relaxing with utter regret. "I was already so attached to him and he hadn't even been born, the thought of going through that all over again with this baby-" He halted the dejected speech before swiping his hands down his face as he exhaled loudly. A similar tactic to that of her ceiling glances to avoid getting teary, this was his method. He swallowed hard before continuing. "I can't go through that, not again."
"Sam." She breathed his name quietly, not quite believing she hadn't put two and two together sooner. "Why didn't you say something?" Her eyebrows framed her tired eyes worriedly, his gaze finally meeting hers.
"The same reason you didn't say anything." He exhaled through his nose, a weak smile gracing his face. "I guess we're both stubborn in the department of sharing feelings like that." She looked away sheepishly, his sweet-tempered sentence calling her out on her similar behaviour of not questioning his withdrawn attitude as of late. Sometimes that was the only way to get her to see reason, by likening his actions and behaviours to her own so that she could properly comprehend the thought process behind them.
"You already had so much on your plate, I didn't want to add another serving and push you completely over the edge." She folded her lips together, breaking the eye contact awkwardly. To her surprise he moved closer, squeezing her hand again.
"The last thing I wanted was for you to feel like you're going through this alone. Everything I love is at stake right now and there is not a single thing I can do to prevent it." Resonating back to Charlie's earlier assertion, he tried his best to make her understand that he wasn't rejecting this baby or lacking in feelings towards their unborn child. "I thought if I distanced myself, it'd ease the pain if things go wrong but after the last couple of days, seeing you in here like this, it's made me realise that's not the case." He had a heart of gold, which is what had caused Connie so much confusion regarding his withdrawn presence. He had been so involved with Emma's pregnancy and her own all those years ago with Grace, she just couldn't determine why he wasn't hands-on with this one. And now she knew.
"Sorry to interrupt." Dr. Goldman disturbed the touching moment, popping his head through the door again. He'd been in and out whilst Elliot was visiting and he'd returned once more. "I just wanted to clarify that with the fluctuation of your blood pressure this evening, I'd suggest you don't discharge-"
"I'll stay." She butted in, nodding in a small manner whilst her focus remained on Dr. Goldman. The skilled obstetrician could clearly see the relief coursing through Sam's entire body as he looked back to the side of Connie's face in slight shock.
"Excellent, I do recommend it and I'd say it'll probably be another two or three more days just so we can manage your symptoms, alright?" He remained stood at the foot of her bed. "And I know it's far from ideal, but we will need to discuss the possibility of inducing you prematurely in the case of your symptoms worsening towards the end of the pregnancy."
"How early are you talking?" Sam asked quickly, the concern present in his voice.
"I can't say for sure, it could be that your symptoms alleviate completely, in which case we can leave you to go into labour naturally. However, if your symptoms persist and worsen with the likelihood of developing eclampsia, we'd want to induce as early as thirty-two weeks." He noted their expression before continuing calmly. "But like I said, let's just take things one day at a time. If we can keep your stress levels and blood pressure down, I don't see why things can't go smoothly from here onwards." He smiled, sanitising his hands once he'd filled in her chart during his talking. "I'll leave you both to it, just press the buzzer if you need assistance again." With a final smile, he left the room again. Silence cascaded over them once more. Sam knew full well she was staying for his benefit and peace of mind. Obviously the concern for her baby was a huge contributing factor but only hours ago she'd been hellbent on discharging herself tomorrow.
"You'll stay?" He asked gingerly, wanting to properly make sure he wasn't understanding wrongly.
"Yes." She whispered, peeling her eyes away from his. "There's really no point, they can't do anything but monitor me but if it makes you feel better, I'll stay." Her offering was incredibly sweet, yet spoken callously. He had absolutely no control over the situation and was obviously carrying a huge amount of anxiety surrounding their unborn child, so this was her way of offering him some sort of say in the matter. Discovering the true nature of his recent aloof behaviour had seriously shed a lot of light on the situation, he really did care. He was just scared.
"It does, thank you." He breathed with relief. Understanding she could be difficult at the best of times, he didn't want to push her too far and decided to listen her for once. She'd told him this wasn't working and he'd already caused more than enough upset for the evening. Despite his own damaged feelings, he forced himself to leave for hers and the baby's welfare. Standing up, he let go of her hand gently. "I can't force a relationship where it's not wanted, I don't want to be that person." He cleared his throat, her head immediately pulling in his direction in trepidation. "I'll go but I just want you to know I'll still be here waiting, if or when you change your mind-"
"Sam, wait." Her more desperate tone halted him straight away as he'd started moving towards the door. "Don't go." She folded her lips together emotionally. "You can stay." Those three words alone made him want to collapse in a heap on the floor. He wasn't playing mind games, luring her into saying exactly what she'd just said. He truly intended to leave but her sensitive plea ceased his body from moving. Turning around as soon as she'd spoke, he moved back towards her with welling eyes, his brows raised slightly as though asking if she was sure.
"I promise you, I'm here this time. Really here." His raw emotion was making her a teary, against her cool nature, but she couldn't be bothered to try and control them anymore and let them roll poetically down her freckled cheeks.
"I know you are." She whispered softly as he perched himself on the side of the bed facing her. Wrapping his hand around hers, he squeezed it supportively, his heart almost skipping a beat when she squeezed his back just as tightly.
The hours passed slowly for him, it was two o'clock in the morning and he'd wound up laying on the bed with her, his back propped up into the pillows as she lay curled into his left side fast asleep under the blanket. Her head resting on his lower ribcage and her left hand laying comfortingly on his chest. His own left arm was resting around her protectively too as he continued to watch the clock ticking slowly. He felt like he'd been sleep-walking for months, a ghost-like presence as she'd referred to him as earlier. It was the perfect description, he just had no idea how obvious it had been to her. But he was awake now, realising his errors. His undivided attention was quickly snatched from the clock when he felt the smallest of movement by his side. His whole face nearly melted as he pinpointed the disturbance. He couldn't stop the teary smile from creeping across his face as he gasped silently. The blanket was moving ever so discreetly over her bump, her brow furrowing in her deep sleep as the baby kicked. He was a wreck, emotionally. This was the first time he'd seen a movement. Moving his hand to her bump, he placed his palm on it gently. A small laugh escaped him upon feeling his unborn child moving against his touch. He couldn't believe it, smoothing his hand over her gently he continued to marvel at the moment. Enjoying every second of this unparalleled feeling. He'd really been missing out on all of this because of his own fears? He was mentally kicking himself. That ended now. This was all that mattered from here onwards. His small, if not slightly unconventional, family.