Author's Note

I do not own A Series of Unfortunate Events.

Mr. Poe hurried into the General Store to find the Bald Man and argued with him at great length about unlocking the car, which he finally did.

"The Boss isn't going to like this," the Bald Man rumbled as Mr. Poe left the store to gather the five Baudelaire children by his own vehicle. Elias had scooped up Kyra, who really was too big to need carrying, and was holding her very tight to his chest.

"I don't care what Count Olaf is going to like. Allowing a group of children to go off with a strange man who then let one of them wander along around train tracks is simply not good parenting."

"He tried to kill us!" Elias snapped.

"Let us not exaggerate Damien-"

"Elias."

"-the car wasn't even in gear."

"It was parked on the train tracks!"

"While the train was coming!"

"He's sent Damien, Lav and Phoebe off to who knows where!"

"Children, children, please." Mr. Poe stopped to have a long coughing fit into his large hankerchief. "Do get into the car. You're going to miss your own performance."

Loki looked at Finn, Finn looked at Elias, and Elias looked at Klaus.

"Oh no," said Klaus in a very small voice.

"The play."

Mr. Poe opened the door for them, and the children climbed one by one into the car, Finn first, then Loki, then Klaus, and finally Elias, who sat Kyra on his lap.

"If we're quick, we might not miss all of the second Act."

Sofia had a handful of big regrets in her life.

She regretted eating too much pudding at one of their parents' parties when she was five, and spent the entire night throwing up in the bathroom with Indigo stroking her hair.

She regretted jumping in at the deep end of the pool when she was seven and learning to swim, and needed to be pulled out by Damien.

She regretted climbing that tree with Elias when she was eight, and fell out and broke her wrist.

She regretted eating a whole chilli on a dare from Elias when she was nine.

She regretted sitting in Violet and Damien's igloo with them when she was ten, because it then collapsed on top of them.

She regretted not arguing more with Mr. Poe when she met with him at the bank.

She regretted not finding a way for Violet to get out of this awful, awful play when she had stayed up all night reading with Klaus and Elias.

She regretted leaving her sisters behind when she ran like a coward.

And, right now, she was really, really, really regretting getting in the rockstar's car.

He had this big, black automobile. Sophia wasn't entirely sure what it was, but she was pretty sure it was old.

She didn't really care right now anyways.

The point was, he drove like a madman.

He was going far too fast for comfort, hurtling around the other cars on the road, veering onto the wrong side of the road, and at one point riding the pavement for several feet, forcing a number of pedestrians to flatten themselves against the nearest shops and walls. Sophia, who had initially set the twins down either side of her and buckled them in, had picked them up again and was holding them very tight to her, bracing her knees against the seat in front of her and squeezing her eyes shut as though that might somehow help with the fact that she had:

a) got in a car with a stranger.

b) got in a car with, apparently, a madman.

and c) was currently driving far too fast through the centre of the city.

"Gonzalas," said Sunny miserably.

"Flas," agreed Noah.

"Wuff," said Dog.

Violet had been separated from Indigo, who was, according to Count Olaf, to remain in the dressing room.

"To ensure good behaviour from my bride to be," he said with a leering smile. Violet parted from her eldest sister with a bitter smile and was immediately taken off by the two White Faced Women to a small, dusty room covered in mirrors and tiny lights. There were people everywhere talking and laughing as they changed their clothes.

It would be interesting, Violet thought, if she didn't have anything to do with it.

One of the Women thrust a lacy white dress at her to change into. She looked about herself, but there didn't seem to be anywhere with any privacy, so she took a deep breath and resigned herself to pulling off her nightgown in the darkest corner she could find and pulling the white dress on as quickly as she could. Her mind was still working, with different corners trying to track down all her siblings but the main part still thinking about the play and the all too looming marriage.

"Isn't this exciting?" said a voice, and Violet turned to find Justice Strauss standing there, wearing her judge's robes and wig.

"Oh, Violet, you look simply beautiful."

"You look nice too," said Violet, noticing she was holding a small book.

"What's that?"

"My lines. Count Olaf told me to perform the real wedding ceremony, in order to make the play as realistic as possible. All you have to say, Violet, is 'I do,' but I have to give quite a speech.

"You know what would make it easier? If you just performed a condensed version of the ceremony. It's not like the audience would know."

Justice Strauss made a very odd expression. "Oh, I don't know. I think it would be best to follow Count Olaf's instructions. He is in charge."

At that moment, a voice called her through to the makeup artist, and she hurried away. One of the White Faced women handed Violet a flowered headdress, which she pulled on on top of her tangled dark hair. She closed her eyes and whispered a little prayer. She was fairly sure Sofia and the twins couldn't be dead – there hadn't been enough time – but the boys and Kyra could be, and so could Damien, Lav and Phoebe.

She couldn't lose any more of her siblings.

Indigo's safety relied on this working.

A man waved a clipboard in the air. "Act Three of The Marvelous Marriage by Al Funcoot is about to begin!"

Count Olaf hurried past, and then stopped to sneer down at her. "I advise you to do

exactly as planned. If you do even one thing wrong…" He waggled his walkie-talkie at her.

"Yes, yes," Violet muttered. There were a lot of people around and she felt very exposed and very, very alone.

The person of indeterminate gender hurried across the stage to join him. "Boss, we've got a problem."

"What?"

The henchperson looked at Violet pointedly. Count Olaf huffed, waved his walkie-talkie at her one last time, and followed his henchperson to the edge of the stage. Violet watched them, wondering what that was all about. Count Olaf looked ridiculously angry, she thought. Maybe something had gone wrong and they were cancelling the play.

No, that wasn't it, because the man with the clipboard called again. "Everyone, please, get in your places for Act Three!"

Count Olaf smiled and hurried off to take his place on stage. Violet took a last look around the stage, wondering if anyone could help, but she was sure they would not even if they could. Everyone seemed to be deferring to Count Olaf for the precious play.

There was applause from the audience and the curtain began to rise.