27 JON XII

Like a dutiful husband, I offered Lya my help in applying the salve to her battered bottom, but she said she would apply it for herself and looked at me as if I am a pervert. Which is totally unfair, she was my wife and I am only human! This really spoiled my mood for a good couple of days. Gods, I didn't know I was looking forward to it to this extent

I was suffering from this close proximity to such a pretty woman and yet, I couldn't have her. Right now, I don't know why I wouldn't, at first I didn't want to father a bastard and she hated me openly, but she was increasing already and I guess she may tolerate me somehow.

Such a frustrating situation

With every day morning hardening in front of her, a total embarrassment, I would rather vanish than scramble uncomfortably to somewhere to solve the problem, doesn't she have pity on me? Can't she see it in herself to ease my pain? Isn't this her duty as my good wife?

But I wouldn't deceive myself, I knew she didn't want me. Get a grip, Snow! To leave her alone was the only decent honorable thing to do but it was hell to me.

Thankfully, today I didn't had any morning problem, apparently the salve disappointment discouraged me well. I lied awake in bed looking to the ceiling rather than torturing myself with watching Lya's sleepy cat moaning and stretches. Soft knocking got me out of my sad musings, it was Wex bringing us hot breakfast. The same minute, Lya got upright and started to eat with a great appetite. If she continue on this rate, she will reach her father's weight in a few months. She noticed my look and said smugly "What? Wex brought a much better breakfast than you"

"Maybe you should marry him then!" I mumbled incoherently then added to myself "Or bring your own breakfast your grace!"

"What are you saying?" she asked while having a good bite of the honey cake, I noticed it was a favorite of her, I make a mental note to bring it when I get the breakfast next time myself

"I can't see what you don't like about my choices" choices was a bit of exaggeration because I actually bring whatever I find in my face

"Really, pork pie boy!"

"What's wrong with pork?"

"It's not edible for human, maybe Ghost will enjoy it"

I huffed and she laughed "Well I like the pickle, I don't know why we don't have it more in the south, you are the only one who bring it" and she smiled to me

I felt stupidly proud at her last sentence!

Every day Lya went for her chores with the queen, hoping to return with the good news but to no avail. One day she came saying the queen threw up and she was so hopeful that might be it but when the others threw up later that day , it was known it was just the sour berries that caused this, not some heir in the making

Then she told me her doubts about the queen drinking moon tea every day to prevent pregnancy, I talked her out of the idea but to be honest, I didn't put it past Alys to be that vengeful. There was nothing to do but wait and hope for the best.

I on the other side, was now assigned as a northern army officer but as most of the troops were released, I really didn't had much to do. So every day, I checked the small garrison left, sometimes practiced with them. The new soldiers assigned for Winterfell guard and kings guard were also left without proper training by Robb's men, so they usually came by to train and learn. I didn't mind, I actually enjoyed doing something useful but I hoped the king and his sellswords wouldn't object

Later that day I was in the yard practicing sword with Larence and few young soldiers, when the king and queen and their entourage graced us with their presence. It was a wholesome bunch of Lady Stark, Prince Trystane, little finger, ladies in waiting and the king's men. They sat at the terrace watching, somehow that reminded me of my father and of the old days

I don't know what happened but Robb decided to descend upon us and he started to weight the steel and wooden practice swords in his hand, then he looked at me "They say you are the best to wield a sword in the north, Snow"

Who are they? I blushed a little and said "I doubt it your grace"

"Oh, don't be modest. Why don't we see for ourselves?" I felt the trap but I am not falling for it

"There is no need your grace, I assure you of my lacking"

"Come on Jon, lets spar like old days" but you are not like old days Robb, I had a bad intuition about this. He wasn't even smiling, His eyes were cold like the steel of the sword he was holding!

"Spare me your grace" I shifted uncomfortably, cursing myself for going to the training yard today.

Why was he doing this, I was always better at the sword and he bested me at lance, this was no lance and this was even an old story now. He can boast all he wants with his undefeated battle streak , his unmatched sword skill and no one will dare to challenge him. I don't want to do that. I wasn't afraid of losing, I was afraid of winning

"No way, Snow, come and get that valyrian steel of yours"

I was horrified. I would never use longclaw in training and against whom? my brother, the king!

Longclaw against Ice, that would be something to watch if it was the real Ice indeed but the thing is, Robb lost Ice in the red wedding and Tywin Lannister melted it into two swords. However, Robb retrieved one of them after the war and he used it now after restoring the pommel back to the direwolf head. He still called it Ice but no one was fooled. This was nothing compared to the beast Ice was

"Your grace I would never raise a bladed sword to you, not even in training"

"You are always the fun spoiler Snow, get a blunted one then"

What was to be done now? I looked around, while the young soldiers were over excited to watch the legendary spar, older wiser men were grim. Larence looked pensive, Harlan and Ser Gendry seemed not enthusiastic enough to the idea. All the ladies looked worried Lady stark, Lya, Sansa, Dorea and Obella. Only the queen was smirking, god knows why!

I moved to get better helms and padding that might remotely befit a king but Robb said "We are too old for that Snow"

Seven hells, maybe he decided to kill me at last!

But he allowed us the shield at least!

We started to circle each other, the floor was muddy and slippery, not befitting his grace ornamented clothes, I thought humorlessly to myself. I decided to only deflect his attacks and not to counter them and after few theatrical exchange I will yield, that's the best to do Jon. I kept telling myself, this is the time to save your neck rather than your reputation

Suddenly Robb raised his hand high using his height above me to a monstrous blow that I took on my shield, he proceed to hammer me with powerful blows from right and left, I retreated as I was blocking the savage attack. I threw a couple of slow weak blows that I knew he will definitely block easily. A little bit into the spar and Robb realized my real intention, I could see it in his face and instead of playing along, Robb seemed to get angrier at my passive attitude. I was hoping he would take the chance and spare us whatever was coming but his anger only flared and he started to yell at me "Stop it coward" "Damn it Snow" "You bastard", he never called me that to my face before and something just broke inside me. And I heard it, Lady Stark sniggered. The look on her face ignited all the anger inside me

Every insult, every humiliation, every sadness, and something snapped in me, I lost all control. I didn't see Robb, I was just angry, my body acted on its own and I lost myself to the spar. My brain was clouded, I don't know for how long I kept on this way but a loud gasp shock me out of this trance, it was Lya's horrified voice and I saw from the periphery of my eyes, Harlan and Gendry running towards me to take me away from Robb who was on the muddy floor with a bloody nose without his sword. Shit!

Shit, shit, shit

I did it again, as that day with Emmett, Gods, I hope nothing happened to Robb. I gave him my hand as I mumbled some kind of apology or what I thought as thus in my state but they swatted my hand away. It was a mesh of sounds. Lady stark was threatening me, Dorea was fawning over Robb, Larence was fighting with Ser Gendry keeping him away from me. This was a nightmare, I threw the shield and ran to my room with Longclaw still in my hand.

I don't know if I was followed by anyone, if I was wanted for jail, trial or even kings justice. Was the sword in my hand what was stopping them? Was it Robb? I couldn't think properly, I needed to calm, I needed some time to think about this disaster

I just entered the room, welcomed by Ghost, good thing he was not with me in the yard today, he might took the hint and eat Robb alive. I had no time to respond to him as I was immediately followed by a frantic Lya

"Please, Lya, Spare me, I am in no mood for a lecture now, I know I mes…"

I was cut by her throwing herself in my arms holding me for dear life. She was crying bitterly and pleading repeatedly "Don't do that to me again Jon, never again, please, please, please Jon"

She was crying harder than I ever saw her do, I didn't know what I did to her but I promised I wouldn't do it again!

I let Longclaw out of my hand at last and started patting her hair and shushing her, but she was inconsolable. What have I done!

That was the strangest thing ever.

I took her face in my hands, searched the beautiful face for an answer. She looked to me for a long time then grabbed my gloved hand and took off the glove, kissed my marred hand and leaned her face to it!

Could it be what I am thinking? Could it be?

Could it be true?

I didn't dare to hope