Avatar cherry: You don't have to worry about her dying, it's not that kind of fic this time. ;P I hope that you enjoy the rest of the fic!
Guest: Thanks so much! That's something I used to struggle with when I first started writing. So I always appreciate hearing that kind of feedback! Also good to know that pushing my way through the boring filler chapters is worth it lmao. I'm excited to say that you're gonna see a bit of Azula & Tylee this time around!
RadioDog77: All the Sokkla fluff! He really wanted her to see those lights! Gotcha I'll have to give that a watch eventually. I say, knowing that I have to finish watching Parysite which has been on my to watch list for like 5 years or something. Lmao that moment when your brain ascends and for like three minutes or so you reach galaxy brain.
^_^ Reading the reviews is my favorite part of posting the new chapters tbh! I've met a whole bunch of cool people like that. I'm not so much worried about them not being as good. It's more so that I have a short attention span and it takes me ages to push my way through the transition chapters because I find them boring. Granted, this one I actually had a steady flow for. Which might be because, while it was more filler, it wasn't quite as filler-y as the other fillers. But yeah, I just get bored writing fillers. I usually update every other day; if I don't odds are I got busy IRL or I'm writing a filler lmao and my brain just wasn't having it.
Sokka groans, she still hasn't spoken to him since the night they'd looked at the lights. She isn't being hostile, but Raava he'd almost prefer it to her cold shoulder. Frankly, he never thought that a firebender could be that cold, perhaps he hadn't wrapped her in enough parkas after all.
He watches Azula emerge onto the deck and tries a little wave. She returns it with a degree of nonchalance.
Alright, he decides to himself, so maybe she isn't giving him the cold shoulder but she has definitely been distant. They are two days into their boat ride and she hasn't come to him with her sleep troubles at all.
The worst of it is that he isn't entirely sure why.
Had not answering her right away really been such an offense?
"Can we talk?" He asks as she passes.
"No." It is a single word and she slips away. Slinking across the deck as though he hadn't spoken at all. He watches her find TyLee and reluctantly invite herself into whatever discussion the girl is having with Mai. He supposes that he is happy for her, she has managed to bring herself closer to the two of them again, even if she lacks some of the social graces.
"You two fighting again?" Katara asks.
"No!" He answers. "Yes? I don't know. She's just not talking to me. But she hasn't lit my close on fire yet, so that's a good sign, right?"
"Well what were you talking about before she stopped talking to you?" Katara inquires.
Sokka gulps. His face might be going a shade pink. He isn't sure if he should tell her. How the hell is he supposed to break the news that he is falling for the person who'd persistently attacked them for the longest time.
"Well?"
"I uh...she asked me if I…"
"If you…" she encourages with a hand gesture.
"If I love her."
Katara's mouth falls agape. "And what did you say?" She sputters, her voice a hair higher than usual.
"Nothing." He replies. "I didn't say anything and then she stomped-sort of, she kind of tried to stomp but her feet kept getting stuck in the snow and so she had to just walk-back to our house."
Katara sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose, giving him the impression that he is absolutely clueless. "You can't just say nothing when someone asks you if you love them!"
"Then what am I supposed to do?"
"Answer the question, Sokka."
.oOo.
"Awww," TyLee gushes and Azula has to turn away to hide the light shade of pink creeping over her cheeks. "And what did he say!?"
"He didn't say anything, TyLee." She crosses her arms.
"Hmmm…" She hums.
"What am I supposed to make of nothing?"
"That he doesn't like you and you should find someone who isn't a moron." Mai shrugs.
"He's not a moron. Unlike your boyfriend." Azula grumbles.
Mai shrugs again, "all of the men on this boat are idiots."
"I don't know." TyLee replies. "Maybe he didn't reply because he's still thinking about it. Or maybe he does love you! And he just got shy."
"Why would he get shy?" Azula asks.
"Because you're...you." She replies. "You're an intimidating person."
And yet he has seen her bawling and shaking like a child or a cornered and wounded animal. He can't imagine that, that is intimidating.
"And you're pretty and smart and maybe he doesn't think that he can match up!"
Her flattery is rather nice, but she takes it with a grain of salt. Granted, she has decided that TyLee is the prefect person to ask about this. At the very least, she is enthusiastic. Azula finds herself glad that she has chosen to try to mend things between the two of them. Though she wonders if it was a feat only made possible because there is such a large portion of her missing.
"I think that you should ask him again." She smiles.
"And this time give him time to answer." Mai adds in a monotone drawl.
.oOo.
She ought to do it, she ought to ask him again, or at least resume talking to him. Her mind is loud again, loud and full of dark visions as it takes her through moments she has already lived. She wants to wander in by Sokka again but she doesn't want to leave him with the impression that she is using him. That she only speaks to him when she needs comfort. So her legs carry her back to Zuko's cabin. As of late, when the phantom tingling in her arms worsen and the past replays itself in her nightmares, she finds herself pestering her brother. He lets her take the top bunk and talks to her until her words break off into a sleepy murmur.
It isn't the same as spending the night with Sokka but it is its own kind of reassuring. This time she doesn't bother knocking. He is still awake and doesn't question her as she climbs back onto the top bunk.
He gives her a few moments to settle in before asking, "what do you want to talk about tonight?"
Tonight has been ludicrously rough, her nightmares much more potent and she wants to attribute it to her hatred of the sea combined with how recently she'd relived her days in the compound. "Can you tell me about your scar?" She imagines that this is a topic that will have strength enough to keep her attention.
She hears him suck in a deep breath.
"Nevermind." She mumbles.
"No. It's fine, I'll tell you." He replies and then he goes silent again.
"Let me guess, that's my fault too?" She asks softly.
"No!" He replies quickly and much more hushed he adds, "it was our father's fault."
Her brows furrow. Their father. Truth be told she hadn't thought much of him. Hadn't even considered how bizarre it is that she hasn't seen either of her parents yet. There is so much going on in her mind… "why haven't I met them yet."
"Because Ozai-father is in prison and mom is visiting our uncle in the Earth Kingdom."
"Did he go to prison for burning your face?"
Zuko shakes his head. "Sokka told you about the war right."
"Parts, yes." She answers. "He only really told me about my part in it."
"Well it was our father who sent you out to go after me. He's the one who…" he trails off. "I think that a lot of what you did was his fault. He was always turning us against each other."
Azula inhales, her chest constricting slightly at that mention.
"He was evil. He's still evil, but he's evil in prison now. He was going to burn the entire Earth Kingdom to the ground so that he could rule over everything. And he had you go out and conquer things in his name and you. You liked it."
Azula curls her hands into the fabric of the pillow. In and of itself it is disturbing to know. But that she had managed several successes… "what's wrong with me?"
She can sense him going tense on the lower bunk. "I didn't mean that. I mean…" he breaks off with a frustrated groan. "I don't think that you're like him. For a while I did, but you're different now."
This only sinks her heart further. "When we get to the Foggy Swamp, I was thinking that we can just shut the facility down, make the arrests, and be on our way. I think that I'm better off without my memories. And besides, I'd rather not risk losing the ones I have now if something goes wrong."
"Don't say that." He says.
"People like me more now, I'd rather have that. Anyways, my past doesn't exactly sound cheerful."
"If you're worried about going back to the way he-father-wanted you to be I don't think that you should. I think that everything that's happened since you lost them will matter more to you than what came before that."
Azula draws her legs to her chest.
"And if it helps, even before you lost your memories I realized you weren't like him. Ozai is a lost cause. You're more like me." He pauses.
"Why would you say something so rude?" Azula snickers.
"Gee thanks." He grumbles, she detects a faint trace of amusement before his tone goes serious again. "Did Sokka ever tell you what I did before making friends with Aang?"
"No."
"Well for one thing, I burned a whole village on Kyoshi Island. It was where Sokka's girlfriend lived. And I sent a hitman to kill them all…"
"Oh wait, he did mention that." She mumbles more to herself. "The hit man anyways. I can't picture you as the type to burn a whole village down. Not on purpose anyways."
"Ha. Ha."
She snickers again.
"My point is, our father got us both to do awful things. But I had mom and uncle. You only had him. I'm glad that he's not around you anymore or me. Because you have a chance now."
"I suppose that that's good to know." She notes, not even conveying half of the relief that is swelling in her chest. She supposes that she can't be horrible to her core if it brings her that much comfort knowing that she hadn't been completely unsalvageable before the Vine Facility.
"Anyways, I knew that our father was evil from the start. I was thirteen when he challenged me to an Agni Kai."
"Agni Kai?" Azula sits up and climbs down to join him on the bottom bunk. He sits up and makes room.
"Oh right, you don't remember what those are." He says aloud. "It's a one on one dual between two firebenders. It's a fight for honor and ends when one opponent burns the other."
Azula nods. "Father wanted to hurt you." It isn't a question but rather a repetition of what she already knows.
"Yeah. A grown man wanted to burn his thirteen year old son because he spoke out of turn. I couldn't do it. I couldn't fight our father because I...still loved him. I believed in him." He shakes his head. "And even if I could have fought him, I didn't stand a chance." She can see tears glistening down his cheeks and thinks that perhaps she should reach out. But she also thinks that doing so would be awkward. So instead she holds her hands in her lap and stares at her palms.
"And while I was looking up at him, begging him not to do it…" He touches his fingers to the scar. "You and uncle were there."
She can add that to the list of things better off unmemorized.
"After that he banished me. Told me that he didn't want to see my face again because I'm an embarrassment. You found me a few days later and were able to convince him to let me have a ship and a crew and uncle."
"I did something good?"
He gives a soft smile and nudges her on the arm. "Don't look so surprised. I told you that you're not like him."
"Our father burned you…" she trails off. Suddenly she wonders what he has done to her. Just as much, she doesn't want to. "A man with honor wouldn't fight a child. Or anyone significantly below his skill level."
"You always fought me." He points out.
"Then I must have found that you could hold your own against me. Even if you couldn't win." She shrugs.
"You think that I'm a good firebender?"
"I haven't see you do it much, but if you can fight me and come out alive then you have to be at least somewhat competent." She pauses to consider the alternative. "That or we're both horrendously subpar."
He laughs. "You're not subpar."
She stands up and heads for the ladder.
"Thanks."
"It's the truth. You can't be that bad if…"
"No. For telling me that it's father who has no honor."
"Oh, yes, well that is also the truth."
He laughs once more. "You're still terrible at being comforting." Before she can climb up he adds, "but somehow that is kind of comforting."
"Glad that I can help?"
"If you have trouble sleeping, I'm down here."
"Yes, I know. Good night, Zuzu."
She hears him give an exaggerated groan. "Why is it that no even a memory wipe could erase dumb that nickname!?"
"Because it holds more power than the both of us." She murmurs. "Good night, Zuzu."
"Good night."
Azula pulls the covers up to her chin. She thinks that she might just have a peaceful night after all. She only needs to sort things out with Sokka. In the meantime it is a kindness to know that she isn't resented. That, even at her darkest she hadn't been so truly terrible that her own brother could write her off. Again she finds herself toying with the idea of calling her memories back. She sighs and decides to put that line of thinking aside for the night and take comfort in ridiculous nicknames and potential and highly cringeworthy sibling bonding.