A/N: Another update! A confession: I threw in the part of Sturgis following Mac at the last minute with no idea what, exactly, I was going to do with him! Still don't know exactly what he will do next. This chapter is largely filler—a necessary chapter to keep things moving, but there's nothing really exciting here. :)

Gone

Chapter 27: Until You Come Back to Me

December 29th, 2005

1101 Local

Washington Marriot Georgetown

Washington, DC

Mac stepped into her hotel room with great relief. She felt utterly drained, as if she'd just run two marathons, and all she wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep well into the next morning. Unfortunately, it was barely eleven and she'd been so keyed up about her impending visit to JAG that she hadn't been able to eat anything for breakfast. She would have been happy to wait longer before eating, but Baby Rabb needed some nutrition.

After using the bathroom and changing into a soft pair of sweats, Mac perused the room service menu, finally deciding on some plain grilled chicken with steamed vegetables on the side. She placed her order then sat down on the small couch that graced the room to wait.

And think…

It had been so hard to walk into the building this morning. It had actually taken ten minutes to talk herself into getting out of the car after she'd parked it in the visitor's lot, and she'd nearly had a panic attack in the elevator. That actually steeled her resolve; she was sick of feeling weak and out of control when it came to her feelings about JAG. She'd taken a few deep breaths, squared her shoulders, then marched out of the elevator into the bullpen, all the while drawing on the memories of the strong marine she'd once been. It had worked; she'd remained stoic and outwardly calm while she was there, but now she felt shaky, tired, and even a little nauseated. A headache had started to form behind her eyes and all in all she was completely worn out. As soon as she finished her lunch, she'd crawl into bed for a good long nap.

"As long as you let me sleep, little man." She patted her belly affectionately as she spoke to her son. Her mini-Harm had a tendency to be active whenever she would try to rest. Despite the lost slumber, however, Mac actually adored the feeling of her baby's kicks and rolls. "As long as you stay out of my ribs, sweet boy." She gave her belly another pat before she relaxed into the couch again.

It was a scant few moments later when a knock sounded on her door. Surprised at the efficiency of room service today, she lifted herself off the couch and padded to the door, brushing her bangs off her forehead and pulling her hair from its ponytail before she pulled it open.

It wasn't room service.

"Hello, Mac."

Mac closed her eyes as the deep timbre of Sturgis Turner's voice reached her ears. She didn't need this right now; aside from a visit with little AJ and a hopefully imminent call from the admiral, she wanted no further contact with the JAG crew.

Obviously, she wasn't that lucky, for here stood yet another former colleague of hers, someone who at one time had actually been a confidant.

She did not want to see him. She did not want to talk to him. Her eyes drifted open and for a brief moment she hoped he had been a figment of her imagination.

No such luck.

The naval commander still stood in the doorway, watching her speculatively.

"Hello, Sturgis. Is there something I can do for you?" She made no move to let him in, and Harm's former academy mate could only stand there awkwardly.

"Actually, Mac," he started, his voice neutral, "I was wondering if I could do something for you?"

Mac felt her lips curve up into a bitter smile. "I'm not sure what that would be. Thanks for stopping by." She started to close the door, but his hand shot forward, blocking her.

"Come on, Mac…"

"How did you even know I was here? Did the admiral—wait, did you follow me here, Sturgis?" A guilty light appeared in Sturgis' deep brown eyes, confirming Mac's suspicions. She glared at him until he finally looked away, his eyes settling on her stomach.

"When are you due, Mac?" he asked after an awkward pause. Mac sighed heavily. Was Sturgis really just here for idle conversation?

"Sturgis…I am really not up to visitors today," she said softly, not wanting to discuss her pregnancy with him nor what she thought of him violating her privacy by following her here. "I'd like you to leave."

"Mac..." Sturgis said, somewhat imploringly, and with another heavy sigh, Mac answered his question.

"Last week in March."

Sturgis nodded in acknowledgement, and after another moment of silence, Mac decided he really did need to leave.

"Time to go, Sturgis. Thanks for stopping by." She again started to close the door...

"No!" The relative vehemence in his voice caused Mac to step away from the entrance of Harm's apartment, and Sturgis took that opportunity to push his way into the hotel room. He gently closed the door behind him, then leaned against it, his arms folded over his chest.

"Sturgis, what the hell are you doing?"

"Trying to get an explanation about where you've been for the last two years! I think you owe us that."

Rage filled her slender body as she stared her former colleague down. It was Sturgis who looked away first, his shoulders slumping a bit. "Harm took your leaving pretty hard, Mac."

Mac hadn't expected Sturgis to bring up the father of her baby, though he'd been privy to a little secret Mac had kept to herself for years—that she was in love with one Harmon Rabb, Jr. She narrowed her eyes at him, determined not to let him get to her. "Did he? Well, tell him I'm sorry, then." She paused for a moment, her gaze growing steelier by the moment.

"And I don't owe you anything, Sturgis."

They both eyed each other again, the silence in the room almost deafening, until finally, Sturgis mumbled something as he looked away.

"What was that, Sturgis?"

The man across from her sighed heavily. "You're right, Mac. You don't owe us anything, but I would like to know where you've been, and I know Harm would want to know too."

Mac was about to open her mouth to answer him when there was another knock at her door and a muffled call of 'room service'. Sturgis moved away from the door and Mac stepped past him to let the waiter in, and once her food had been set down and she'd signed the receipt, the hotel employee left, leaving her alone once again with Sturgis.

"If you don't mind, Sturgis, I'm very tired, and I'd like to eat and then take a nap. If you'll excuse me…"

"Who's the father, Mac?"

"None of your business," was Mac's quick response.

"It's just…I mean, remember what you told me about being in love with Harm? And, well…he told me about your…deal…"

"Oh, he did, did he?" Mac felt a spark of anger directed toward Harm, despite the fact that he had, in fact, come through on said deal. She was surprised that he had obviously been fairly free with information regarding their relationship, and she fleetingly wondered when he'd brought up the baby deal to Sturgis. "Well, I guess that won't happen now, huh?" she answered perversely, and she could feel the irritation emanating from her 'guest'.

"Dammit, Mac! You disappear for years, letting us all believe you'd, well…and then for some reason you come back here, clearly having moved on, and…and…"

"And what? Are you actually judging me, Sturgis? It was miserable here before I left. None of you wanted me around. No one spoke to me with anything resembling kindness, and yet, you judge me for leaving and moving on? For finding someone to have a family with? Are you telling me I deserve to be alone for the rest of my life? What sin did I commit? Come on, Sturgis, you're a pastor's kid—you should know this one—how did I sin so grievously that I should never be happy again?"

Fire flashed in Mac's eyes, making them more amber than brown. For once, her eyes were dry, her fury overriding any of the sadness and pain that she'd carried for so long, and if the saying about looks being able to kill were true, Sturgis would be a smoking heap on the ground.

Sturgis looked a bit alarmed as he reached out a hand toward her and put it on her shoulder. Mac immediately shook it off, and the two of them faced off silently once again. She could see Sturgis swallow hard a couple of times, his expression changing from alarmed to irritated and back to alarmed again. "Mac, please…calm down. You shouldn't get so worked up in your condition."

Mac let out a short, bitter chuckle. "My condition…if you cared about my condition at all, you wouldn't have followed me here. Get out, Sturgis, and so help me, if you tell anyone else where I'm at, I will hunt you down. I may not be a marine anymore, but I still can knock you on your sanctimonious ass, pregnant or not."

Sturgis was apparently a slow learner, or maybe he was just being his stubborn self, but he stood his ground.

"Mac, I am sorry about…before, but Harm…he's not going to take this well."

"Oh, for god's sake, Sturgis, you can't even apologize without more judgement. Seriously, get out. Get out before I call hotel security to help me kick your six out of here."

This time, Sturgis, looking somewhat deflated, nodded. He pulled open the door and stepped into the hallway, but not before turning toward her one last time for a few parting words.

"Mac, I really am sorry about how you were treated here. I have to know, though…are you going to contact Harm? I'm not going to let him go on thinking you're dead."

Mac inwardly rolled her eyes. If he only knew…

"You do what you have to, Sturgis."

With a short nod, Sturgis left her room, leaving Mac to engage the deadbolt and chain on her door. Now utterly exhausted, she collapsed on the sofa, the aroma of her food now nauseating to her. She knew she needed to eat, but one bite of her chicken and her insides wanted to revolt. She drank a little of the ginger ale she'd ordered with her meal, called room service to have the tray removed, and once that was accomplished, she made her way to the bed. She felt crampy and exhausted, her son's movements now actually causing occasional waves of nausea.

She crawled under the covers, and before long she had fallen asleep.

Sturgis Turner made his way to the elevator. His visit with Mac had left him unsettled and truthfully, he wondered what he'd hoped to accomplish by following her here. It irked him that she had left a trail of pain in her wake, especially for Harm, only to return carrying another man's baby. Yes, he regretted his treatment of her before she left and was glad to know she was still amongst the living, but he had to admit he wasn't all that happy to have her here. Harm hadn't been himself since she'd gone and what would her sudden appearance while obviously with child do to him now?

"Dammit," Sturgis muttered. He didn't know how he was going to accomplish it, but he had to find Harm and tell him about Mac before the man stumbled upon her himself.

1502 Local

Washington Marriot Georgetown

Washington, DC

The ringing of the phone on the nightstand awakened Mac a few hours later, and she groaned as she reached to answer it.

"H-hello?" she croaked, now aware that she had a bit of a headache to go along with her tired muscles.

"Mac? Are you okay? Mac?"

It took Mac a moment to realize she was speaking to the admiral. She sat up slowly, biting back a moan, all while Admiral Chegwidden kept calling her name. It was finally his "I'm coming over right now!" that finally woke her up enough to reassure the admiral she was okay.

"I'm sorry, sir…I was asleep…"

"Oh…no, I'm sorry I woke you, Mac. I just wanted to give you an update."

"Oh, yeah…were you—"

"Not yet—at least I haven't spoken to him, but I was able to speak to his CCDR and convinced him that we needed Harm back here. As soon as he returns from his current 'mission', they'll get him back."

Thank god…

"Um, that—that's great. How did—I mean, that sounds a little too, um…easy." A short bark of laughter from her former CO came through the line.

"It was, ah, a little more involved than that, but suffice it to say, we'll be getting him back."

Mac sighed with relief. "Thank you, sir. I-I didn't want to leave without seeing him."

"How long are you planning to stay?" the admiral asked, and Mac shrugged despite the fact that the man couldn't see her.

"I haven't really decided…I guess as long as it takes."

"A hotel has to be rather expensive…"

"It is, but it'll be okay—"

"You could stay here—I mean, you could stay at the house." The admiral almost sounded surprised that he'd offered.

"Um…I don't think…uh, thank you, Admiral, but I…"

"Mac…Mac, it's okay, it was just a thought."

Mac still felt a guilt-driven need to explain herself, though she didn't know why. "Sir, it's just…well, I—"

"Mac, there's no need to explain. Really." He was silent for a moment, and then he said something that surprised her.

"How about Harm's place?"

"What?"

"Harm's loft. I've been watching it for him while he's been gone."

"You, sir?" Mac would have expected it to be Sturgis who looked after Harm's apartment. She had done it for him many times in the past, but if both of them had to be gone, the task usually fell to the other naval commander in the office.

"Yeah…I guess he didn't feel comfortable asking anyone else…"

"Because of me."

The admiral didn't deny it. "I suspect so."

More guilt filled Mac's heart. She'd never intended for Harm to be estranged from his colleagues at JAG; that was one of the reasons she'd never wanted to share with Harm just how difficult everything had been for her. "I didn't want that, sir."

"I know, Mac…but don't you think we all deserve it?"

"Sir—"

"Dammit, Mac! We've already talked about everyone else's behavior; let's talk about mine. I basically left you for dead down there!"

"Sir, please—" Please don't say anything more. Mac's eyes grew wet and her hands started to shake as the admiral continued his tirade.

I knew exactly how that mission would go. Nothing Webb has ever touched has ever gone off without a hitch, and this mission…I had a bad feeling from the start. But I didn't want to make waves—not after Lindsey's audit, Singer's death and Harm's arrest. When you missed your check-ins, I should have been in Kershaw's office, demanding to know what was going on. I should have been there with Harm…but I left you for dead!"

"Please…please, Admiral…stop," she practically begged, this time unable to draw on her marine strength. There were too many images in her mind: Sadik's torture of Webb, Webb's screams…the utter terror of knowing she was going to die…or would have if Harm hadn't saved her, followed by the near-complete destruction of their friendship and their disastrous return to JAG.

Mac didn't realize her tears had turned into sobs until the admiral's tone changed in her ear. His words went from angry to soothing and Mac did her best to regain control.

"I'm sorry, Mac…Mac, honey…shh, don't cry. I'm sorry." The admiral sounded rather fatherly, which was how she'd always thought of him, or had until he'd forbidden anyone from visiting Harm in the brig.

"I-I'm sorry, sir…"

"No, Mac…don't be. This is all on us."

"N-not everything, sir. I made the choices that led me to Paraguay and everywhere since." She sniffled as she wiped her tears on her sleeve. Admiral Chegwidden gave her a few more moments to get herself under control, and then he once again offered her the use of Harm's apartment.

"I really don't think he'd mind, Mac."

Mac considered it; she'd felt good there yesterday when she'd "visited," and it really would save her a few bucks. "Okay, Admiral. I will."

"Great. I'll get the water turned back on and meet you there tomorrow morning to let you in if that's okay?"

Mac blushed despite herself. "You don't have to do that, sir. I have a key. Used it yesterday."

"Well, I'll just be there to make sure everything is in working order then." Mac shook her head. She didn't feel quite so bad about having to interact with AJ Chegwidden now, but seeing him in person would certainly be different than speaking to him on the phone. She suspected, however, that he wouldn't just take her word for it that she'd be okay.

"Okay, sure, admiral. That will be…that will be fine."

"Alright then, say, 0900?"

"Yeah, that will work. 0900."

"Great, see you then…and Mac, is there anything I can get for you?"

"Nothing I can think of, sir."

"Maaac…" Mac's lips turned up at the corners. Admiral Chegwidden sounded a lot like Harm when he said her name like that.

"Sir, I really don't need anything—"

"No, that's not it, Mac."

"Then what—"

"Stop calling me 'sir' or 'Admiral'. It's AJ."

"Okay, AJ."

"Alright, then. I'll see you tomorrow. Sleep well."

"Well, considering it isn't much past three, I should probably get up and do something." Like call Mary.

"Mac, I can tell you're tired," AJ said with more fatherly concern. He wasn't wrong; she was still tired, almost mind-numbingly so, but it seemed fairly pathetic to sleep the rest of the day despite her earlier desire to. Besides that, she still needed to eat something.

"I'll go to bed early, then."

"Yes, please do. Goodnight, Mac."

"Goodnight, Ad—um, AJ."

The call disconnected and Mac set the receiver back in its cradle. She scooted up in bed until her back was against the faux headboard on the wall, noting that her son now seemed to be awakening as well. She felt a few fairly firm kicks, though he kindly refrained from kicking her under the ribs this time, and she let herself enjoy them awhile before she reached for the TV remote. She flipped on the TV and turned it to ZNN, wondering if Harm were near any of the places featured. She rather hoped not; she hoped he was already on a plane back to her, though she knew that was unlikely.

For a moment, she had a twinge of fear that Harm would resent her for pulling him out of the fray. Yes, war could be hell, but when you believed in what you were doing, it was still an honor and a privilege to serve—and in Harm's case, getting to fly would be the icing on the cake. Please don't hate me for this, Harm…

I could never hate you, Mac…I'll see you soon…

Mac heard Harm's voice in her head as clear as if he were right there with her. It was probably just a figment of her imagination, but it gave her comfort, and after a quick snack from the minibar, she settled in for another nap.

December 30th, 2005

0034 Local

Afghanistan, exact location classified

The sleeping naval commander rolled over in his bed, a smile forming on his face. Dreams of a certain brunette filled his mind once again and they made his time here easier. Easier, that is, when he was asleep. When he would awaken, bereft of her presence, his longing for her would be a tangible, painful thing, and he prayed each day that he was waking up to his final morning here.

A few moments later, the smile on Harm's face became a concerned frown.

Mac?

Don't hate me…

Never, baby…

I could never hate you…

I'll see you soon…

Harm rolled over in his cot once again, the frown on his face once again replaced by a smile.

End Chapter 27