After trying out what felt like thousands of outfits Irina chose a light blue dress with a lot of cleavage. If this was her chance to impress him, she had to show all her benefits. Ten minutes before the date she started walking up and down in her quarters to pass time so she decided that she could as well start making her way to the holodeck. She was still five minutes early when she entered Sandrine's, which was completely empty except from the Doctor who already awaited her. He was sitting at a table near the bar, wearing a purple shirt and a grey jacket. Irina had never seen him in this outfit but she found him to be very handsome in it. She felt her heart pounding in her chest already, although she hadn't even started talking to him. He was staring at a holographic glass of wine on the table in front of him and had not taken notice of her yet.

"Hey" she wanted to say but what came out was hardly more than a whisper.

He looked up to her and she could see his face brighten.

"Hello Irina. I am glad you're here." He said and got up to greet her. For a moment they both did not know what to do but then he just gave her a quick hug. "You look gorgeous"

"Thank you. I like your outfit, too."

"Even better than the pineapple shirt?"

They both chuckled and it seemed like a bit of their nervousness started to fade slowly. They sat at the table and the Doctor poured another glass of holographic wine for Irina.

"May I ask you something to begin with?" Irina asked and felt her nervousness come back.

"Sure. Go ahead."

"Just to get this clear... This is a date date and not a friendship date, am I getting this right?"

"Just as you wish"

Damn. That was a pretty clever way to avoid her question, she thought.

"What do you think I wish for?"

She could also play this game if that was what he wanted. He smiled and remained silent for a moment.

"Earlier that week, when we were working together in that jeffries tube... I did a scan later and found out that there was no significant temperature difference between inside the tube and sick bay."

Irina gulped.

"What are you implying?" she asked naively.

"That whatever caused your heart to race and your face to flush had nothing to do with our environment."

Irina looked down at her wine glass as if she could find a clever comeback to his statement in the dark red liquid.

"Fine, I admit it." she sighed. "It was because of you. As you might know I've been here on Voyager for a long time without any... intimate contact to anyone. Being so close to you was... making me nervous."

"Nervous?"

"Nervous. Yes."

"I never thought my proximity could have such an effect on you. Is this a good thing or a bad thing?"

"I don't know." She answered and she was actually being sincere.

"What I mean is... how do you feel about me?"

He really wanted to hear it from her mouth, she thought. But she wouldn't make it that easy for him.

"I don't know." She repeated, also because she figured that 'I love you so much so please have sex with me now' would have been a little over the top.

They both fell silent for a few moments.

"Why did you ask me out on a date? I mean, why me? And why now?" she asked all of a sudden.

The Doctor was visibly uncomfortable with this question. He avoided her gaze, his eyes fixed on some random point on the table between them.

"Because... I think... we both deserve to have a little fun." He answered and lifted his gaze, now looking at Irina again. His hands were restless, playing with the stand of the wine glass.

Irina stared at him in surprise. Wow, that was straight to the point, she thought. She didn't even know what to answer since she had not expected such a statement from him. And with statement she basically meant such an indecent proposal.

"I... I think... I could agree on that." she said eventually, returning his gaze. The sexual tension between them was slowly becoming unbearable to her. Oh how she wished to kiss him, to touch him.

He leaned back in his chair and smiled.

"Now that we've got that out of the way... Do you wish to dance?"

I'd do anything just to be near you, Irina thought but instead of saying anything she just nodded. They got up and the Doctor commanded the computer to play music. It was a smooth, romantic tune Irina didn't know the name of. She took the Doctor's hand and put her other hand on his shoulder. His hand was warm and dry while hers was cold and sweaty, but apparently he didn't mind. She didn't dare to look into his eyes so she just proceeded staring at his chest when they started dancing.

He pulled her closer until her breasts gently touched his chest and his cheek almost brushed hers. Irina could feel the warmth of his face on her skin and his strong hand on her back. This was heaven, she thought. After a while they were just standing very closely, mainly rocking from side to side with the music, and finally Irina dared to lift her gaze and look into his eyes.

She wanted to say something but suddenly her mouth was very dry, quite in contrast to the rest of her body, where moisture started to form in all imaginable places. Instead, he started speaking.

"May I ask you a personal question?"

Irina gulped. Yes I do love you, she thought.

"Yes. Go ahead" she answered with a shaky voice.

"Why were you spying on me, back at the Luau?" He asked quietly, without any sign of anger or reproach.

Irina was dumbfounded. She stared at him with her mouth gaping open.

"Wha-what? You- you saw me?" She was now definitely panicking.

"Yes. I saw everything."

Irina was frozen in place and within the blink of an eye her face turned bright red. Her gaze was still fixed on the Doctor but she could see the corners of her field of view getting blurry and her knees turned to jelly.

"Hey, you won't get out of this so easily" the Doctor said and wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly, until the wave of panic was over and she could stand on her own legs again. Slowly, her mind went back to functioning properly. She was more embarrassed than she had been ever in her whole life before. It was worse than going to Starfleet academy and forgetting to wear your pants. He had seen everything. Not only had he seen her watching him but he had also seen her pleasuring herself. And most of all, it was him who saw it. Exactly that one person who shouldn't have known under any circumstances.

"But... how?" she asked, again afraid to look him in the eyes.

"I've told the computer to show me a holographic representation of the person on the balcony. And I recognized you. And what you were doing."

"God dammit" Irina cursed "I didn't think of that. Please believe me that I am terribly sorry to have invaded your privacy in such an indiscreet way. If it were possible, I would undo all of it. I swear, it was one giant mistake and I am a complete idiot. If you hate me now, I totally-"

"I'm not mad, Irina. Actually, I am flattered." He said and his calm tone soothed her panic and embarrassment at least a bit. "I just want to know why you did that."

Now it was confession time, Irina thought. She could not make up any more excuses and if she was honest to herself she didn't even want to anymore. He was supposed to know everything. After all, he was her friend. No matter how he reacted, at least then the truth would come to light.

"It's a very weird and embarrassing story" she began "but if you really want to know..."

She did not want to look at him but neither did she want to stare at his chest all the time so she leaned her head on his shoulder. It felt very comforting. She hoped that he was still willing to comfort her after she ended her explanations.

"The truth is, I fell in love with you quite some time ago. But I knew you only had eyes for Seven of Nine. So when I saw you with that woman on the holodeck I was hurt. I was hurt that you left me and I was jealous because I wanted what I couldn't have. This was when I decided that all I had left were my daydreams. And so I watched you. Because this was as close as I could get to any intimate contact with you."

"You've had daydreams of me?"

"Yes." She cleared her throat "And very explicit ones to say the least."

He seemed surprised.

"And still you wanted to help me get involved with Seven of Nine?"

"Yes, because you're my friend. And I thought there was no chance for my anyways because you were so much in love with her."

He sighed.

"To be perfectly honest, I still am."

"But now you're here with me anyways?"

"But now I am here with you anyways, yes." He repeated. He was not sure what to make of this situation. Irina loved him but he loved Seven of Nine. If he had known about Irina's feelings he would have never asked her out on this date in the first place. He thought she just wanted to have fun with a good friend. Now he was unsure if what they were doing was right. If he wasn't just using her for his pleasure.

"Now may I ask you something?" Irina interrupted his thoughts.

"Yes. Of course. I think that's just fair."

"Back when I gave you this massage... you stopped me. Why?"

He gulped. If there was one thing he didn't want to admit it was that an innocent massage from a friend had gotten him aroused because he thought that it was Seven of Nine massaging him instead.

"I- I am afraid I cannot answer this question." Now it was his turn to become nervous. Especially since Irina took his evasive reply as a challenge. She trailed her hand from his shoulder upwards to his neck, caressing the soft skin with her fingertips, just like she had done weeks before. He closed his eyes, enjoying her delicate touch.

"Was it... because it turned you on?" Irina asked with a hoarse voice. As he didn't answer she decided to become a little bolder. Instead of caressing him with her fingers she now started planting small kisses on his neck. At first only soft and feather-light but then they turned more passionate, her mouth slightly opened, tasting his skin. Oh God, not only did he smell good, he also tasted so good. Right now she was glad that she had helped him create that addition to his program.

When he felt her wet lips and tongue on his neck, he inhaled sharply. This was when his sexual subroutines started to kick in, skipping all of his higher brain functions. He knew what they were doing was wrong. In his mind, it was not Irina kissing him, it was Seven of Nine. But instead of stopping her, he just kept his eyes closed to sustain the fantasy.

"Perhaps... I got a little carried away" he eventually answered and tried to keep his voice steady, but his holographic heart was betraying him and Irina could feel his pulse quicken. She let go of his neck and their lips met for a hungry, needy kiss. He imagined that it were Seven's full lips resting on his and that it was her probing his mouth with her tongue. Oh yes, it felt so good, he thought. It actually felt that good that he noticed his pants getting tighter with every second. He had to stop this. But his matrix core was just not able to process any logical thoughts at the moment. Irina's hands let go of him and wandered down his back to his buttocks. She squeezed them tightly, pushing his semi-hard erection onto her crotch and making him moan. As if this wasn't enough, she started grinding her hips on his, the sweet friction increasing his arousal with every movement of hers.

Irina also felt that she was more than ready to go a step further. Her slip was soaking wet and the sensation of his bulge pressing against her, the feeling of their tongues playing with each other greedily and the way he tasted were together almost enough to make her come right here and now.

In his fantasy the Doctor relived his memory of making out with a holographic Seven of Nine on a holographic Cargo bay two, back then when Irina had interrupted them. In the beginning the holoprogam wasn't even planned to end up in a sexual situation. But since the holofigure of Seven was programmed to please him, she very well knew what he wanted and their meeting took an erotic turn very quickly. It was back then when he noticed how deprived he had become of any kind of sexual interaction. It was when the holographic Seven kissing him and rubbing her body on him already brought him dangerously close to climax. In reality it was now Irina taking off his jacket and sliding her hands beneath his shirt, her touch leaving hot trails on his skin. However, in his mind he imagined her to be Seven. In the blink of an eye he was left without his shirt, Irina's hands all over his back, his shoulders and his chest, as if she wanted to memorize the feeling of his body underneath her fingers. He in return felt for the zipper of her dress and opened it, which made it fall to the floor so that she was standing in front of him only in underwear. Then he broke their kiss to look at her. In the dim light of Sandrine's her pale skin was almost glowing against the dark background of the bar. Her face, however, was red from arousal, her lips were slightly parted and swollen from kissing and she was panting heavily.

"Please don't stop" she whispered hoarsely and with these words she brought him back to reality. Seven would have never said something like that. But she was not Seven, neither real nor holographic. She was Irina, his assistant and most of all his friend. What he was doing here was wrong. He could not sleep with her and fantasize it wasn't her. He could not use her just for his own pleasure. She loved him deeply, that much he knew. At that moment she looked so vulnerable, standing in front of him almost naked, desperate and needy for his touch. She was like putty in his hands. He could do with her whatever he wanted. He could have sex with her now and he was sure it was going to be amazing. But it was not right. She loved him. But he did not love her. He had to stop. Now.

Her hands were fumbling with the zipper of his pants when he put his hand on hers and stopped her.

"I don't think we should do this, Irina" he whispered.

"Are- are you serious?" she was flabbergasted. "What are you saying? You can't tell me to stop now!"

She continued to open his pants, ignoring his attempt to stop her. He grabbed her hand tighter to force her to stop.

"Irina, please. Believe me. This is not a good idea."

"Is this some kind of silly joke?" she snapped at him, stepping back a few steps as if something had hit her in the chest.

"No, it's not. I am so sorry. Please. We should not do this."

"What are you talking about? You have invited me on this date, not the other way around! Now you're throwing me away like a piece of garbage?"

"Irina, please. That was never my intention. I wasn't in control of myself. I'm sorry."

He tried to calm her down but she was furious and he couldn't blame her for that. He had hurt her and used her and now he was letting her down. Again. On top of that he knew from his own experience that sexual frustration was one of the worst kinds of frustration and was able to turn a polite, friendly person into a complete madman. Or -woman.

Irina put her dress back on, her hands shaking with anger.

"Would you at least be so kind to tell me what the reason for your sudden change if heart is?"

I was thinking of Seven of Nine while I was kissing you, he thought, but he was certain that this was neither the place nor the time to tell her. If he was going to tell her at all.

"I think we shouldn't discuss that now" he answered sheepishly.

"Oh, whatever." She murmured, turning away from him to hide the tears in her eyes "Whatever kind of sick game you're playing, I am out of it."

And with these words she stormed out of Sandrine's and back to her quarters, where she threw herself on her bed, buying her head in her arms.

What was he thinking? Why did he treat her like that? Why was he being such a giant asshole? How could he leave her in this condition? This was when she became painfully aware of her own physiological reactions to their contact, the tingling feeling in her groin and the urge to be touched. Her hand found its way under her dress and inside her slip and with only a few quick movements she came, remembering his scent in her nose and the taste of his mouth, which still lingered in her memory.

Relieved from this excruciating pressure she felt her eyes once again watering with tears. The worst thing was that she couldn't stop wondering if she had done something wrong. If it was her fault that the Doctor suddenly changed his intention. She thought back at their date but she just couldn't figure out what she might have done, that made him change his mind. She wiped the tears from her eyes and hid her head under her pillow. If she knew one thing for sure, then it was that the following days of work at sick bay would become like running the gauntlet.