Chapter 28

"Hey, we should stop at Lake Okeechobee," Tony said, looking at the map.

"Why?" Tim asked.

"Because it has a funny name," Tony said. "And you can't make any complaint about that, given that you wanted to stop at a place just to see if your son was longer than the name."

Tim smiled. "As I recall, you also decided to see if I was longer than the name. I'll bet you still have scars on your knees from that."

"It was your son's idea."

"He was six."

"No excuse," Tony said.

Tim laughed. "Fine. We can stop there. Is there anything to see or just the name?"

"I don't know. Let me check."

Tony pulled out his phone and started searching for what there was to do at Lake Okeechobee.

"Well, if we wanted to go fishing or hike, there's lots to do, but I think, for us, it'll be come and look and then go."

"Okay. That's fine. How much farther?"

"About an hour. That okay for you?"

"Yeah, it's fine," Tim said, striving not to be annoyed at Tony's concern. He knew the reason for it and part of him even appreciated it, but still...

For a while, Tim was annoyingly reticent to start a conversation about the things he was noticing. It hadn't been a problem while lying on the beach but for some reason it was now and he was irritated at himself for it. He didn't want Tony to be still worrying about what he'd said. Tim knew he felt bad about it, and he knew that it had mostly been Tony suddenly letting out his personal worries in the form of an attack.

He knew all that, but still...

No. I said it was fine, and it is! I'm not going to hold onto this, Tim said to himself.

That meant saying something.

What to say?

He looked around, trying to see if they could yet get a look at Lake Okeechobee, but in spite of how flat everything was, he still couldn't see it. They'd even chosen to drive on highway 78 which went closest to the lake. Still, nothing doing. Not yet.

"Man, it's so flat here," he said...and then got just a little tense at what Tony might say.

"Yeah. It was before, too," Tony said.

"Florida so flat," Tim said.

"Is that good or bad...or just interesting?" Tony asked.

Tim glanced over and saw Tony smiling just a little bit. He hesitated and then daringly continued the conversation.

"Interesting. I mean, Florida is really a temporary formation anyway. It's not like the Rockies or Appalachians. It's limestone. It's basically fossilized beaches. It'll erode really easily, and be gone in another few million years."

"Few million?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I think I won't hold my breath waiting for that," Tony said.

Tim glanced over again, still feeling that annoying thread of worry that was driving him nuts. Tony still seemed good-natured about it. Tim knew that Tony didn't care about this kind of thing and he didn't mind that. It was only because of yesterday that he was hesitant. And he didn't want to be that way. He believed that Tony had been sincere in his apology, and he was determined that this wasn't going to continue on.

If he could only get the rest of him to accept it.

"I wouldn't either, but unless there's a major change in landmasses here, Florida won't exist in another few million years. India will pretty much be gone, too, although for a different reason."

"And what reason is that?"

Tim grinned. "It'll be the Himalayas."

"Huh?"

"The formation of the Himalayas is like the longest car crash in history. It's been going on for 70 million years and it's still going on. The Indian plate crashed into the Asian plate and it's still going, crumpling itself against Asia like a sports car running into a Mack truck."

Tony laughed. "Vivid."

"Remember, I have Tommy as a son. I have to know these things," Tim said.

"You have to?" Tony asked.

"Yeah. I'm still the omnipotent dad. I have to keep that title for as long as I can. Eventually, Tommy will grow up and he won't want me to have all the answers," Tim said, feeling a little wistful. "But for now, he does. So when I find out what he's learning about at school, I review it to make sure I'm ready to answer questions he might ask me."

Tony laughed. "Tim, Tommy wouldn't care. I think he likes being with you, not that you know all the answers. I still remember when he asked you about how many cars there are in the world."

"When was that?" Tim asked.

"On our way back from Maine."

"Oh." Tim couldn't remember that particular conversation, no matter how he tried.

"Not as significant for you, I take it," Tony said.

"No. Why was it significant for you? I know I don't know the answer to that question."

"Yeah, and it didn't matter at all. Do you know why?"

"No. Why?"

"Because even though you didn't know the answer, you still spent time thinking about it and walking through what the answer might be. And it didn't matter that you didn't know. It mattered that you cared enough to think about it...just because your son asked a question."

"Oh, it's nothing big, Tony. You've said it yourself. I'm a big nerd and I like thinking about random things."

"No, it is big, Tim. You know what my dad would have done if I'd ever asked him a question like that? If he was even bothering to listen to me, he would have said it didn't matter and that would have been the end of it as far as he was concerned. And maybe Tommy doesn't remember it any more than you do, but he remembers that you care, that he can come to you with any question and you'll pay attention. That is what matters."

Tim was surprised at how vehement Tony sounded. He glanced over again and saw that Tony was serious, but he wasn't upset.

"Tony, I know you think that I'm this amazing father, but if all you're comparing me to is your dad, I'm going to look amazing. I'm really not. You're the one who has the kids who need a father to step in and help them see what a family is like. You've brought Grace and Daniel from two kids who barely dared trust that the adults in their lives might want them around to Daniel being ready to actually call you his dad." Tim paused when he saw Tony's smile. Even in the middle of this discussion, he couldn't help but be happy about it. Tim was glad to see it. "Tony, that is amazing. I don't think I could do what you're doing. I know it's hard for you and I know you worry about it, but as someone watching from the outside, you're amazing. Tommy's never had any reason to think that his parents don't love him. That makes what I'm doing a lot easier."

Tony laughed and didn't even say anything. That made Tim look over at him for a moment and he saw Tony staring hard at him, as if he was trying to decide whether or not Tim was lying.

"You can't be serious, Tim."

"Yeah, I am."

"Okay, then, you're just not thinking about what you're saying."

"Okay... what am I saying?"

"You're saying that you have never given your son reason to doubt that you loved him and that somehow means you have an easy job."

"Yeah. I don't have to undo what other people have done."

"Yeah. Exactly."

"Huh?"

"Okay, Tim. Find a place to pull over. It's clear that you can't focus on what you're saying while you're driving. You need to give me your full, undivided attention."

"Why? What's the big deal, Tony?"

"Find a place to pull over."

"We're almost to the lake, aren't we?" Tim asked.

Tony looked at the map.

"Yeah, I think so."

"Then, can this important statement wait until then?"

"I guess so, but you're not getting out of it, Probie."

"I don't even know what I'm not getting out of."

"Ha. The sad thing is that I believe it," Tony said.

Tim really wasn't following. He wasn't sure if Tony was mad at him (although he didn't seem mad, merely incredulous) or if he should feel insulted that Tony seemed to think he wasn't smart enough to get what was going on. He kept going over the conversation and he couldn't see what it was that Tony felt was so important.

They crossed the Kissimee River, Tony ordering Tim to slow down so he could take a picture of the name, and then, Tony directed him to Lake Okeechobee Park. There were plenty of people there, but they found parking just fine. Tim parked and felt a little bemused as Tony led him out onto a large pier that went over the lake. Most of the people on the pier were fishing. Again, Tim couldn't get over how flat everything was. No real hills around the lake, just the water. There was a part of him that wonder why the lake stayed where it was.

"Okay, Tim. I don't know if this is just because you're still worried about what I said yesterday, but we're not in a parenting contest."

"I know that, Tony," Tim said. "I just don't..."

"I'm not done," Tony said. "You're not taking anything away from my being a dad by admitting that you're a good dad."

"I didn't say I was a bad father, Tony," Tim said, but again was interrupted.

"Still not done."

"Okay, but Tony, all I said was that your job is a lot harder than mine because you have to fix what Grace and Daniel's family did to them originally."

"Yeah, and what what I don't get is why you don't see why the fact that Tommy doesn't have to deal with that is really amazing."

Tim laughed, but he still felt confused. "Tony, you've said it yourself. Tommy is a really sweet kid. He's obedient most of the time and he's good-natured. I feel lucky that he's such an easy kid to raise."

Tony grabbed him by the shoulders. "Tim, the very fact that you can't see what you've done boggles my mind."

"The fact that you seem to think I should boggles mine," Tim said.

"Okay, Tim. I'm going to say this one more time and I'm going to say it very slowly so that you understand me."

Tim raised an eyebrow. This was getting a little ridiculous.

"Do you have any idea how many kids don't get what Tommy has?"

"Not numbers, but since I've got to know Jo... I could hardly help but be aware," Tim said.

Tony smiled. "That's for sure. Well, Tim, there are kids who would do anything to have a father like you. It's not because you're perfect. It's because you care. It's because you care so instinctively that you can't even see how wonderful it is. You think that everyone is like you. Well, they're not. Grace and Daniel's parents might have been extreme examples, but there are way too many kids who grow up with parents who don't care, parents who see their children as things that cramp their style, parents who don't want to have to change their lives when the kids show up because they deserve to be free or something, parents who really just want to be able to say they have kids without doing any of the work of having kids." He laughed a little self-consciously. "One of the things my shrink kept harping on was that I refused to say that my dad was a bad father. I would talk about different things he did. I'd say that other people were better, but I never wanted to admit that he was genuinely a bad father. He was. After a year of therapy, I can admit that the way I was treated when I was a kid would probably qualify as emotional abuse. Neglect at the least but abuse, not because he hit me or yelled at me but because he showed me, nearly every day, that he didn't care. And so, yes, Tim, you're amazing. Not just because I can compare you to my dad who pretty much sucked, but because you have made it so that Tommy never has to join the ranks of kids like Daniel and Grace and Ivan. You and Delilah have a family that is amazing. That is what makes you an amazing father. ...and don't you ever forget that."

Finally, Tony let him go, but Tim just stood there, feeling a little weird about Tony's speech. Part of him felt that this was just Tony trying to make up for yesterday. Part of him wanted to start listing out all the things he'd done wrong as a father. There were plenty of them, some of them even serious. Another part of him was still boggled by Tony's declaration. Tim didn't think he was a bad father, but he didn't think there was anything special about him. He made mistakes and he loved his kids. Was it really that rare?

"So...now, that we've got that out of the way," Tony said, "let's look at the lake and then we can keep going."

"Huh?"

"Look at the lake, Tim. It's Lake Okeechobee. It's a fun word to say and the lake is pretty...even if everything around it is flat. Just enjoy."

Tim looked out at the lake, not knowing what else to do. It was pretty, even with all the people fishing off the pier.

The weird thing was that he couldn't think of a single thing to say. He was just following Tony's instructions while trying to wrap his head around Tony's interpretation of his parenting.