Chapter 28
Merlin got moved to a new ward very late that night after Morgana and Leon had left. He was pretty tired by the time he was ready to be transferred, and fell asleep halfway from room to room. Arthur refused to leave; he felt extremely guilty about what had happened and, if Merlin said he needed him there, he wouldn't be anywhere else. He was more than used to sleeping on hard hospital chairs so didn't mind settling down on one as close to Merlin's bed as he could get. Arthur was at least glad that Merlin had a room to himself again.
The next morning, before Merlin woke up, he ended up speaking to the same hospital staff member about Borden.
"He was transferred here really recently and had no problems until he was put on Merlin's ward. Merlin and Mr Fisher were his patients and he neglected both of them as well as most of his others. He no longer works here; I doubt he'll get a job anywhere else."
"And that's it? A man died because of him. We don't need to get police involved?"
"That's not our job. If you want to that's up to you. As far as we're concerned, he was just a lazy, irresponsible doctor who we can't have working here."
"Right. Ok, thank you."
"Is everything settled here?"
Arthur nodded, "Everyone's been great."
"Amazing, is there anything else you need to be done?"
"No, thank you."
Arthur texted his father while he waited for Merlin to wake up. Uther told him that Killi was fine and enjoying exploring a new place. Arthur told him he'd try to make the time to come and visit if he wasn't needed at the hospital. He found out that Uther had been in contact with the police about Borden after Morgana had called him the day before. He warned them that someone might want to come and talk to them because they were getting concerned about the amount of persistent attacks.
Arthur hadn't wanted to wake Merlin up before he did so himself naturally. He was very much aware that Merlin hadn't slept properly for a couple of weeks and wanted him to rest all he needed to. But the doctors wanted to get some scans done on his lungs and needed him awake. They were determined to get Merlin diagnosed, treated and discharged as soon as possible so weren't waiting to do anything. So, with great reluctance, Arthur gently woke Merlin and told him what was happening.
"How are you feeling?" Arthur asked him gently, "Better now we're somewhere safer?"
Merlin nodded tiredly.
"So do I. Ready for people to figure out what's going on?"
A doctor approached them, "Morning, Merlin. We're going for some scans now, to see if we can figure out what's happening with your lungs. We'll have to take the ventilator out, yeah? Arthur would you mind waiting outside?"
When Arthur was told he was allowed back in, he was also made to promise that he would make Merlin upset, anxious or excited just in case it agitated his lungs. Merlin was also not meant to talk too much and if he started coughing, someone had to be called immediately.
"Right, chatterbox," Arthur sat beside him, "Happier now?"
"I love you," Merlin said as clearly as he could manage.
Arthur stared at him, "You've not been able to talk for days and that's the first thing you want to say?"
"It's the only thing I need to say," Merlin croaked, "Will you kiss me please?"
Arthur pulled a face, "When was the last time you brushed your teeth?"
"Coming from you!"
Arthur laughed and leant forward, kissing Merlin passionately before pulling away reluctantly, "I'll get told off if I'm responsible for making you struggle to breathe."
"I don't care."
"Yeah, but I do. And I don't want to see you in pain, we've established that."
"Do you think they'll figure out what's happening?"
"I think so," Arthur said confidently, "I trust them."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. You don't?"
"I'm scared, Arthur. I want to go home. Everything you said yesterday about protecting me. I want to be wrapped up in blankets at home with you in bed. I want to see Killi and I'm really scared I'll never get to again."
"You're not going to die," Arthur said, "I don't care what they find is wrong with you. You'll get better. You have to. For me, for your mum, for Freya. You are not leaving me alone. Killi loves you more than me."
The door opened, "Ready to go, Merlin?" the doctor came in with a wheelchair and a few nurses. They helped Merlin into it, attached everything he needed and set off. Arthur held his hand as they walked which was slightly awkward but they didn't care.
Merlin had scans done on his chest and lungs before being taken back to his room to rest while they waited for results.
"Alright, then," a doctor came in, waking both Merlin and Arthur.
"We have some results for you."
"Is it serious?"
"Not massively."
"That means yes," Merlin said worriedly.
"Basically, one of your lungs isn't inflating properly on its own and that puts too much pressure on the other to get air to your whole body. The lack of oxygen is damaging some of the tissues in the rest of your body which is why you feel so weak."
"And when he stops breathing, is that-"
"That's the healthy lung failing. So you know how there's a few moments of pain when he struggles?"
Arthur nodded.
"That's the damaged lung trying to cope on its own."
"Why is this happening?"
"They've suffered too much damage and not healed properly. Your body needs lots of rest and it needs your lungs to be working well to be able to heal."
"So now his lungs aren't working-"
"Nothing can get better."
"So what do we do?"
"There are two options. We can keep him on the ventilator until his body gets better and then sort his lungs out. So that would involve staying here quite a long time which I know neither of you are keen on but it's fairly low risk."
Merlin and Arthur shared a look.
"Alternatively we do the surgery you need for your lungs now and then hope your body will cope until your lungs are recovered. For that you'd have the surgery fairly soon, we'd monitor you for a couple of days and then send you home to recover there. The issue is that it's a lot higher risk. Either way you'll not be feeling too great for quite a while. The difference is where you're recovering."
"What do you think is better?" Arthur asked.
"Different doctors will tell you different things. I personally would say get it done. It is a higher risk and anything could happen but I know how much the pair of you hate being here, you've been here long enough and I think Merlin will be strong enough to pull through. The choice is yours though."
"What are his chances if he has the surgery now?"
"I couldn't say."
"High? Low?"
"I'd guess middle to low."
"Can we talk about it?" Merlin asked quietly.
"Of course. I'll come back in a few minutes."
"What do you think?" Merlin asked as soon as the door was closed.
"I don't want you in more danger than you're already in."
"You'd rather wait?"
"I don't know, Merls. What about you?"
"I want it done," Merlin said, "I want the surgery done and then I want to go home and stay there with you. I don't want to be here any longer."
"You could die, Merls."
"I've nearly die every night. I nearly died so many times before this. I want it over with, Arthur. I'm sick of there being something wrong with me."
Arthur sighed, "You're sure?"
Merlin nodded.
"Alright. Please, just- don't you dare die."
"You promised me that you'd never leave me. I'll make you the same promise."
"Pinky promise?"
Merlin laughed and held his hand out. They wrapped their pinky fingers around each other's, said, "I promise never to leave you," and kissed.
"Alright," Arthur said, "But you've promised now, so if anything goes wrong-"
"You have to look after Killi and my mum," Merlin joked.
"Merlin!"
He smiled, "Don't worry. I promised."
The doctor re-entered, "Have you made a decision?"
"We want the surgery as soon as possible," Arthur said.
"Alright. I'll go and get it sorted and be right back."
"Do I need to be on the ventilator overnight?" Merlin asked.
"Unfortunately you will until your surgery."
"Can it wait until tonight?"
The doctor nodded, "Desperate to eat something, are you?
Merlin smiled sheepishly. The doctor said he could have a late lunch with Arthur but then he'd be put back on the ventilator in the evening. His surgery would be in the evening the next day.
"Right, is this where we have that pizza I promised you?" Arthur asked him.
Merlin tried to look impassive but his eyes lit up in delight.
"Barbeque chicken pizza with chips and ice cream?" Arthur smiled, his heart softened at Merlin hopeful gaze.
"Yes please."
"Gwen asked if she could come in either today or tomorrow. Would you rather now so you can talk to her?"
"I don't want to scare the baby with the ventilator," Merlin laughed.
Arthur quickly called Gwen and then said to Merlin, "They're going to pick the pizzas up on their way in. And Gwen says she'll tell us the baby's name. We'll be the first to know aside from Elyan."
Merlin smiled.
"Are you excited?"
"Yeah," Merlin grinned, "I haven't seen them in ages."
"Do you want me to call your mum? Now we actually know what's going on for real?"
"Can we speak to her together? And please don't tell her that the surgery's risky."
"If that's what you want."
Arthur got his phone out and dialled Hunith.
"Arthur? Is everything alright?"
"Hi mum," Merlin said quietly, delighted to be able to speak to her.
"Merlin!" Hunith screeched down the phone, "How are you?"
"I'm fine mum. They know what's going on and it's going to get fixed tomorrow."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"Oh, I just knew what Arthur told me the other day was utter rubbish," Hunith said, "I hope that doctor was fired."
"He doesn't work here anymore and I made a complaint," Arthur told her.
"Thank you, Arthur. So everything's getting sorted tomorrow? You'll be alright?"
"With any luck," Merlin told her.
"I'm so relieved, Merlin, sweetie, I was so worried about you. What's the problem, then?"
"One of my lungs doesn't work properly and it doesn't inflate."
"So they can fix it?"
"Yeah. Don't ask me how, I have no idea."
"I don't care how, so long as you get better."
"We've been wanting to ask you, mum," Merlin said, "Once I'm better and the hotel is up and running, could we come over and visit? I'd love to show Arthur around Ireland."
"Of course you can come! I'd love to see you both," Hunith sounded genuinely thrilled and excited, "How's the hotel getting on?"
"It's great," Arthur said, "Really great. I think we'll be able to open by Christmas."
"That's amazing. I'll have to come and stay."
"How's Freya?" Merlin asked.
"She's very worried about you."
"Any boyfriends I should know about?" Merlin teased.
"There is one boy, she refuses to admit they're together but I know."
"What's his name?"
"Matthew. He's lovely, Merls, you'd really like him."
"I'll have to see when we come over," Merlin said.
He and Arthur looked up as the door opened and Gwen stumbled in with Lance, their arms full with pizza, bags and, most importantly, a sleeping baby. Arthur rushed to help them.
"We'll have to go mum," Merlin said, "Gwen's here to visit with Lance."
"Is that your mum?" Gwen looked up, "Get her to stay for a minute."
Merlin frowned but told his mum what Gwen had asked and waited while they got sorted and settled.
"I'm going to give the baby to Arthur," Lancelot said, "Just in case Merlin drops him when we tell you all his name."
Merlin and Arthur shared a confused look.
"Arthur can only use one arm," Merlin said, "But you trust him more?"
"Can you hear us alright, Hunith?" Gwen asked, ignoring Merlin.
"Yes, just fine."
"Alright. I would like to introduce you to our baby William-Thomas."
Merlin's jaw dropped and they heard Hunith gasp. "You're joking," Merlin whispered.
Gwen giggled, "No we're not."
Merlin genuinely looked like he was about to cry as his gaze shifted to the baby in Arthur's arms, "Can I-"
Lancelot lifted his son out of Arthur's arms and passed him to Merlin, staying relatively close because Merlin was visibly shaking.
"It's not because of-" Hunith's quivering voice came down the phone.
"We named him after Will," Gwen said before she could finish, "And Merlin is his godfather."
Hunith began sobbing quietly, "Really?"
"Who else would we choose?"
"Can I call you later, Gwen?" Hunith asked shakily, "I just need-"
"Of course you can. Whenever you like. It was nice to speak to you."
Arthur took his phone and turned it off, keeping his eyes on Merlin in case his emotions overwhelmed him or caused any issues with his breathing.
"Right," Lancelot said, "Well I'm hungry and these pizzas will be getting cold. So why don't we take advantage of our son being asleep and eat something?"
Merlin still hadn't managed to say anything and he looked up at Arthur who stood up and sat beside him to give him a hug. "Ok?"
Merlin nodded and wiped his eyes.
"Happy tears or sad tears?"
"Happy," Merlin mumbled, "Got another reason to be alright now."
"Yeah?" Arthur stroked Merlin's hair gently, "Why didn't you tell your mum that the surgery is dangerous?"
"I made a promise to someone that I would be alright. So there's no point worrying mum."
They spent the next couple of hours eating pizza and chatting and playing with the baby when he woke up. Arthur told Gwen and Lance all about Merlin's condition and what was going on. In return, they told Arthur and Merlin all about William and how he was settling in at home with them.
"This surgery," Lancelot said while Gwen had taken William to change his nappy, "Is it risky?"
Arthur and Merlin shared a look and sighed.
"I won't tell Gwen," Lancelot said, "I just- I want to know. If something's likely to go wrong, I-"
"Want to be prepared?" Merlin assumed, "Yeah. I don't want to lie to anyone. It could go wrong and I might not survive."
"Why aren't you telling anyone?"
"Because if I do it'll feel like I've given up. I can't sit here and watch everyone cry or say goodbye, just in case. That just feels wrong."
"And if something does go wrong? If they never get the chance to say goodbye?"
"I know exactly what that's like," Merlin reminded him, "At least they won't have to worry."
"What are your chances?"
Merlin sighed, "Pretty low."
"Oh, Merlin."
"I know. But," he sighed, "I don't want the last time I see everyone for them to be crying and worrying. Imagine if you were about to die- what would you like your last experience with the people you love to be like? I know it's selfish but after everything that's happened, am I not allowed to be a little bit selfish now?"
"This is serious, Merlin," Lancelot said, choosing not to take notice of Arthur's tears, "Can you seriously say that if you'd been given the chance to say goodbye to Will, you wouldn't have?"
"The last time I saw Will," Merlin said, "I walked past him in the corridor at work and three a sweet at his head. And he laughed and ate it and then screwed up the wrapper to throw back at me. That's what I remember. His smile and his laugh. Not his miserable, weak dying face. And that was the last thing he saw of me as well. I wasn't crying and begging for him to be alright or telling him how much I loved him. He knew. And I know that you all love me. So I'd rather die thinking about you with your baby or Morgana with Leon or even Gwaine with a bottle of cider. As long as you're all happy."
Gwen re-entered the room with William, wiggling in her arms and took in everyone's sad expressions, "Is everything ok?"
"We're fine," Lancelot said as he took his son to relieve his wife of William's persistent wiggling, "You can't go anywhere little guy. If I let you go, you end up on the floor and that's it. You can't crawl away yet."
Arthur stood up, "I'll be back in a minute."
He took some time to go outside for some fresh air, and then got himself a cool drink. When he returned, Merlin was resting while Gwen and Lancelot tried to settle William.
"We need to get going," Gwen said, "He's getting tired and restless."
"Who? Merlin or the baby?"
Lancelot laughed, "We'll see you later, mate," he clapped Arthur on the shoulder, "Good luck tomorrow. Tell Merlin we'll be thinking of him."
"Will do. Thanks for coming to see us. I'll keep you updated."
Once Gwen and Lancelot had left, Arthur sunk into the chair next to the bed and cried. He was absolutely terrified that something could happen tomorrow and Merlin wouldn't survive. He had no idea how he was going to tell anyone if that happened. How on earth were you meant to call your boyfriend's mother and tell her he was dead?
When Merlin woke up a short while later and saw Arthur's tears, he panicked, "What is it?"
Arthur pulled himself together and smiled, "Nothing. I'm just worried and tired."
"Do you want to go home to sleep?"
Arthur shook his head, "Not unless you're coming with me. Do you mind if I go to see Killi tomorrow while you're in surgery? He's still with my dad. I can stay if you want me here but I figure Killi might be feeling like he's been abandoned."
"You can go," Merlin said, "You have to give him a hug from me, though."
Arthur kissed him.
"Eager," Merlin laughed, pulling away for a second.
"I am making the most of every second you're not on that ventilator," Arthur said while somehow still managing to kiss Merlin. Merlin smiled into it and kissed him harder.