The twelfth day
-Ott Travers, 15, District 4-
That's it.
My last sip of water, and now it's empty.
Not that it really matters… Snow counts, right? I can only hope.
I'm just glad those two canteens somehow lasted me all the way up to the twelfth day. It's a good thing they didn't get their hands on them. It's a good thing my allies are all gone, because otherwise we all would have been dehydrated on the train. It's far easier to feed one mouth than four.
A shiver makes my muscles ache. At first the snow was magical, but now it's just depressing. The lack of life in the surrounding area doesn't make me feel too great. My entire body has been tense for the past three days, and nothing I can do can relax it from trying to battle the cold. I have a feeling I'm not the only one that's lost their patience with the situation. Two more tributes fell yesterday. It's about time.
When I saw the face of the girl from Eight in the sky, I felt relieved. I wasn't in love with the idea of attacking her to avenge Zu, someone I barely even knew. Now, I wouldn't have to. The job has been done. The boy from Eleven wasn't a particular threat to me, but he's one less body in the way of my home. District Four, where I'll never be cold again.
I'd say it's ironic that Garrett died first between the two of us. Between how differently I was treated for not having volunteered, I want to say it serves them all right. But at the same time, his face had the same look in the sky as it did when he helped me with my tie before my interview… I know he didn't deserve whatever happened to him… I hurt for him, but above all else I feel relieved. Relieved that he's gone and I don't have to face him again after he allowed me to live during the bloodbath. There is no debt for me to pay him anymore. And even if there was, there's no way I can pay it now. All I can do for him is win for District Four. Surely that's what he would have wanted.
Well, he obviously didn't want me to win, considering that would mean his death. But surely now that he's fallen, that's what he would want. There's no way for me to know for sure. He was a closed book. I can't just read all of his thoughts and stream of consciousness in convenient chapters by each day on a really janky website.
I let out a shaking breath that shoots out across the red sky. Another night survived. Another day to face. Hopefully it will be one of the last ones I have to face here. Then, I can go home, to my support system. I can be the important person I always wanted to be. I can get my cousin back. There won't be anything stopping me from doing whatever I want. The Capitol's best will be all mine. Their best mates, their best outfits, their best stylists… Their best surgeons. But this is about far, far more than just cutting off my breasts when I get older. I'll finally have a voice. I can turn the people of my great district against the mayor that caused me to be reaped as the wrong gender.
I can be all of those things I always dreamed of: Ott the politician, Ott the athlete, Ott the trainer, Ott the movie star… Ott the Victor. It's so close to my fingers, I could practically reach out and grab it…
My stiff fingers crack as I bend them in the action, practically numb at this point, dry as hell, but still working at least. That's all I can ask of my body right now. Don't give up on me yet.
I know my friends and family haven't. Their will is enough to keep me going through the snowy wasteland that is the Arena. I never thought I would miss that damn train… That train where Bean took the axe that should have landed on me. The train where Zu was stolen from under our noses… Or, from under Blair's nose I suppose. The escape that wouldn't allow Blair to keep up.
You blame all of this on the train? You know who is really to blame for all of their deaths. I know that the rational part of my brain is trying to reason with my emotions, but I feel nothing. I know that I should be feeling this way: blaming myself for what happened to my allies. It was my fault. I could have helped them if I was willing to risk myself for them, and I wasn't. The boy who was sobbing, absolutely beside himself, hunched over the dining room table, is a complete stranger to me. Bean gave up his chance for me, and that was his own decision. I'm not willing to give up my chance for anyone else.
Their blood is on my hands. Not physically, but I know it's there. Perhaps there's a part of me that believes that's true, but I know what I saw. There wouldn't have been a way for me to get Zu out of there without getting hurt, or worse. Then we both would have been goners. I could have helped Blair up after they tripped, but we never would have both gotten away. If I had stopped to help, we would have both been dead. And then what?
They gave up their lives for me. Perhaps not by choice, but they did. The boy in the dining room didn't realize he was worth it. The boy beneath the crimson sky knows it for sure. He knows the untapped potential that exists inside of him, if only he's around to unlock it. And ultimately, it will be to the benefit of Bean, and Zu, and Blair… Surely.
Flakes begin their lazy descent down as the sky brightens and the blue in the sky cuts through. Another day gone by, another tribute must die. We're so close to home, surely everyone is as desperate as I am for this to end. They're desperate… I suddenly hear a snap.
Surely they won't mind.
Surely they'll understand…
~.~.
-Inari Fujioka, 17, District 10-
Despite the environment we're in, I feel warm when I regain consciousness. I grab the blanket and pull it closer to my face, and jump when it's pulled off of my feet. Wait a minute. We're not in the train anymore. What the…?
I know where I recognize that smell from…
My eyes, once reluctant, fly open and I sit up and sure enough, the culprit's cheeks and nose are so red, and he holds his bare arms as he keeps watch. I shrug the jacket off of my body and toss it at him, causing him to jump and turn towards me.
"What the heck man?" I ask him, crossing my arms.
"What do you mean?" he shoots back, raising his eyebrows. I can't help but roll my eyes at that.
"You know what I mean Mister. Now put that back on or else you're going to freeze and then what use will you be?"
He doesn't protest, putting the jacket back on quickly. He won't let it show, but there's no way he isn't absolutely freezing, sitting on the cold snow in only a T-shirt.
"Why?"
"Why what?" he looks me in the eyes with the tiniest smirk.
"You know what why!"
"I know you know I know what why."
I blink the sand out of my eyes, my tired brain trying to follow his words and then deflating like a sad balloon. Words have never been my favorite, but it's way too early for this.
"Come on Kaiser. You're freezing yourself over there!"
"I was dozing off because I was warm. The cold keeps me from sleeping."
Oh, that makes sense I guess. Wait a minute Inari, he never said that on the train! I mean, he did say it now, and why would he lie? I trust Kaiser. Right. That makes sense, now that I think about it. At first it didn't make sense, but I suppose it does. The cold was certainly keeping me awake too. But just the thought of taking off my coat in weather like this is absolutely crazy.
"Come on Moo Cow, boys don't feel the differences in temperature. Haven't you seen those guys that wear shorts to work even when it's freezing?"
That is true, and I know what he's talking about. Brandon is that way too. I'll never forget when he showed up for his first day of work in a pair of nice cargo shorts. I really tried not to laugh about that, but I did ask him what he thought he was going to be doing today. Sometimes, for the times he goes too far with his teasing, I wish I hadn't given him the opportunity to change before we were splashing mud and horse shit all over the place and cleaning the stalls. But, for the times he's obnoxious, he's some manpower, and Mom needs that more than ever now that I'm gone.
But… I won't be gone forever… Right? I've already made it this far, after all. What's to stop me from going all the way?
He's sitting right next to me. Not that I'm going to put myself in harm's way for him, but what if it does come down to the two of us? He's done such a great job protecting me this far… I owe him a huge debt of gratitude. But not a debt the size of my life… Right?
Kaiser wouldn't turn on me either. I'm sure he wouldn't. He has such a soft and gentle way of going about things. I wish that my family had taken in him and his mom, because I know that Kaiser would have been so good to the horses. At least Kaiser's mom wouldn't try to woo mine just to steal the family farm… I mean, I can't know that for sure, but… It's awful convenient that she seems to trust him so much and she's the only one left now. She needs him and his children to keep the business alive… How I wish she didn't… And Brandon's weird fixation on the idea of their parents having sex is weird enough without that weird dynamic as well…
I mean, it's no different, is it? The same way that my mother relies on Finley, I rely on Kaiser. It's an uncomfortable truth. But, I mean, there isn't any sexual tension between me and Kaiser, so surely that's different! Nor is there any… romantic tension either. I mean, that would be ridiculous, we're in the Hunger Games, and we've hit the final five…
But, I can't control the thought that if I do by some miracle get out of here, and have a spark with a special person… Well, I hope that they would be like Kaiser.
I mean, not Kaiser specifically, he just acts like a good teammate and partner. Covering me up while I sleep to keep me warm and protecting me, giving me a cute nickname, being gentle with me all the time, being strong for me when I'm scared, holding my hand for support… and other stuff too, but just District partner things. Y-You know what I mean!
"Whatcha thinkin' bout?" he asks. "Your face is as rosy as this apple," he quips as he passes me one for breakfast.
"I'm just daydreaming," I tell him stubbornly, trying to control my pout that his comment is probably right. "And it's cold as the devil out here, I reckon you look just as rosy as I do… Even colder, because you took your jacket off! You know, it's lucky you didn't freeze out there."
"I know my limits," he says, and then his face sinks a little bit. "I've dealt with worse."
I frown at that, but I shouldn't be surprised. He and his mother were practically homeless, and he's spent so long in prison… I imagine he's seen so much worse.
Then why is he still so… Soft? And I don't mean his body is soft: surely he would make a terrible pillow with all that muscle he's got on him, which is definitely not ideal for a partner at all. I mean he's got a soft heart. For all he's been through, surely nobody would blame him if it had hardened and froze. But no, his heart isn't hard. No part of his body is or has ever been hard. Okay, definitely one part, I've noticed more than once... His rock-hard abs.
Anyways, it speaks to his resilience, I guess. Man, do I wish it was him we put to work on our farm. Maybe, if I do get out of here, we can have his mother come and work for us… As long as Brandon could refrain from his inappropriate humor… and Destiny wouldn't badger her looking for a new girlfriend. Then Sera would have someone else's mother to steal with her innocent, homemaking childish ways, that isn't mine.
Come on Inari, that's not fair. But it is true. The apple in my mouth tastes sour. I'm sure I'm not the first one to mull over my mommy issues with the taste of apple in my mouth, but I'm not sure I have the energy to stop this train of thought.
"You've zoned out again."
"You just stopped talking," I tell him, and cross my arms.
Kaiser shrugs at that, and offers a small smile. "You got me there." It's that smile that definitely sets him apart from Finley and his bunch of maybe farm stealers. I can trust Kaiser. I know he is going to look out for me until he can't anymore. For better or worse. We both toss our apple cores and Kaiser re-ties up the bag that has the apples in it.
"Let's get off of this freezing snow," he says decisively, standing up. He offers a hand down to me, which I take, and he helps me up to my feet. He takes a deep breath through his nose as the collar of the jacket touches his face. Just trying to keep warm I suppose. We can see our own breath, it's bitter out here.
After a night on the cold ground, it feels good to stand and walk, even for just a moment.
Suddenly, my body jolts and I gasp out as a heavy weight knocks me backwards.
I hear his laugher and cross my arms, shaking out the pile of snow he'd just dumped from the tree above onto my head and shoulders.
"What was that?!" I ask him, crossing my arms.
"I couldn't resist," he says with a grin, reaching over to brush snow off of the top of my head. I can't even be mad at him. But I can pout like nobody's business. "Oh, come on now. It was funny."
"Pssssh." I stick my tongue out at him. He just gives another laugh and pokes my cheek. Then he turns around and keeps walking.
While his back is turned, I hurriedly reach into the snow, making it into a ball, and tossing it at him. It only just nicks his shoulder and falls apart, causing him to turn around with a grin. "Is that the game you want to play!?" he asks, grabbing a pile and charging at me.
"Hey!" I exclaim, running away from him but careful not to go too far. He easily catches up to me, gently shoving me over into a pile of snow. I take a moment to close my eyes and laugh, enjoying the feeling of being hugged by the snow. How I used to sit and dream of a day like this… Kaiser's hand is reached down to me, and I take it. He helps me to my feet and we exchange goofy smiles. I always dreamt of the way his eyes twinkle when they look back at me. I mean, not his specifically. Just, someday…
"We should keep moving," he says.
"You only say that because you won," I say, and he gives me a grin at that. I know he's right though, and we keep walking. It takes a couple steps for me to realize we're holding hands still… Oh. I release his hand, feeling embarrassed and looking away for a moment as we trudge through the snow. We walk side by side for a little while, practically pressed against the other. Just when he isn't paying attention, I run to the nearest pile of snow to throw right at him, and hear the snapping of a twig as I'm shot up by a rope. A sharp pain strikes my back as if my body's just swung on a stick, and I cry out in pain. What's happening!?
Kaiser turns around as the rope that's holding me snaps off from the weight, and I hit the ground. Another body is on top of me… Kaiser… Another stab through my chest makes me cry out again at the pain, desperately waiting for someone to come for me.
"You little bitch!" the weight is thrown off of me. Kaiser is here! He's going to make it all better. The pain in my chest feels like a giant, burning splinter.
I hear high-pitched screams echoing in the wind, the impact of punches as Kaiser lets out another roar. No… That can't be Kaiser… Kaiser is coming… Kaiser can make it better.
I hear a wail that is carried away by the bitter wind. It tickles my face, but suddenly everything starts to feel warm. I'm… Dying. It's okay, though… Soon, Kaiser will be here. He won't let me die alone here… The peace that courses through me is interrupted by another raspy sob in the distance… It sounds so far away. The world is so far away. But… It's not time for me to go yet. There's still so much to say… And even if I can't through words, at least I can through actions… Once Kaiser gets back, everything will be okay.
"Kaiser..." I call, but it's like I'm in a wind tunnel, even my voice sounds millions of miles away. The high-pitched sobs echo around me as I feel my lungs start to fill with fluid. I can't breathe, soon I won't be able to breathe… No… My heart pounds and I start to gasp for air, only to breathe liquid, liquid that feels like tar. I grab at my throat, gasping, trying desperately to breathe… I try to call out to him… I'm scared… Kaiser… He was always there when I was scared before.
The tar fills my body with heat, but it's not the kind of heat that feels good. My body is desperately trying to save myself as I gape for air and grab my throat, trying to regurgitate the liquid that pours out around me. The high-pitched wails come with me when I close my eyes.
Please… Please… Kaiser, where are you!? I choke and cough, grabbing my throat and thrashing, trying to keep any life in my eyes so I can at least tell him goodbye… He wouldn't leave, he would never leave me… I can't breathe! I can't breathe! Dry chokes and gulps catch in the back of my throat as I try to stay alive. It can't be my time yet… I'm not ready to let go. I'm not ready to go away.
My chest violently rises, desperately trying to fill with air, my heart slows down and suddenly I feel dizzy, my head feels heavy, I can't keep it lifting… Any attempt at exhale ends with blood filling my mouth, leaking out of it onto the snow.
Ott's last high-pitched scream echoes around me as my body goes limp underneath me and I gurgle out one last plea…
Don't let me die alone….
~.~.
-Kaiser Picasso, 18, District 10-
The boy is curled up in a ball, screaming. Each punch I lay on him with the spiked knuckles draws blood, and that's the only way I would want it. He cries and writhes on the floor, new screams tearing out of him each time I lay on a punch. He deserves it, for what he did.
I don't stop until his cannon booms. I step away from the body of the young boy, satisfaction pumping through my veins like a drug. He takes a shaking breath and lets out a moan.
Wait. That… Wasn't his cannon.
That means. No. It can't be.
I leave the boy curled up in the snow. Suddenly he doesn't matter anymore. Suddenly nothing matters anymore.
"Inari!" I tumble over my own feet into the snow, slipping and falling to my knees by her. Snow and blood seeps into my pantlegs. That couldn't have been her cannon. Not Inari's.
"Inari, come on Inari, speak to me… Open your eyes… Don't go Baby Doll…"
Her head falls back when I shake her, awkwardly lulling and bobbling when I try to shake her, try to get some breath into her. No… This can't be. I put my finger under her nose, hoping by some miracle to feel the light pressure of her breath. Nothing comes. Her body lies still. This can't be… I would never… I didn't mean to… To…
"Inari…"
A quiet, desperate plea.
"Please… wake up…"
She doesn't move.
"Please…"
Wide eyes stare blankly back at me.
"In…ar…i…"
She's gone.
"No… Please…" Begging is useless now. It won't do anything to bring her back.
I reach over to her hand, which was formed into a first. I open her fingers, and notice the moon-shaped indents on the bottom of her palm, running my finger over them gently.
As if that would make her pain go away.
Wasn't that always what I wanted to do for her?
The second cannon booms just then, a bitter reminder of where I was when she was dying.
I thought she had more time. I wasn't thinking. All of them hollow excuses. The fifteen-year-old's body is barely recognizable as it's lifted up by the hovercraft and taken away. Swollen, bleeding, mangled. That was where I was. That was what I was doing. I drop her pale, cold hand, which lands gently in the snow.
Her lips are blood red. Surely because she was coughing blood, but I notice the teeth marks in them when I reach over to close her eyes. The snow around her is thrown to either side, from her thrashing. The ground under her feet was stripped of snow and grass, leaving tracks of mud as her feet pushed and buried into the ground. And her expression, as it always did, tells me everything I need to know. She died afraid.
That was never what I wanted for her. What she must have thought of me in her last moments, when all of her better judgement was proven right?
I thought I could change. Even when I had my doubts, she always believed it. She always believed in me. And this is how she is repayed. She was wrong about me. She was naïve. She thought I was more than just a criminal. And I had the audacity to believe that could be true. What the hell was I thinking?
I can't stand the sight of her torment anymore. Torment that I allowed to happen. Torment that I inflicted onto someone else. Living proof that I am what they all say I am. Why did I think I could be more than a criminal?
"You deserved far better, Fujioka." That's all I can manage to say to the horrible picture of fear that lays in front of me. She was too good to even realize it. There's so much more that lingers on my tongue, but I can't force myself to say it. She can't hear it anyways.
I want to tell her I'm sorry. Who in their right mind would forgive me for what I did?
I want to tell her I'll make sure her mother is safe and cared for. But why would she even want my help?
I want to tell her thank you for inspiring me to chase my dreams. But that's hardly worth her life.
I want to tell her… That I love her. But who would allow the one that they love to suffer as she did?
All that she, and the people watching need to know, is that she deserved far better than me. Everyone knew it but her. And her dreamy charm made me believe it too.
I turn around for a moment… I want to tell her goodbye. But it's too late. The icy wind blows on my face, making me fear that the tears are going to freeze on my face. The hovercraft is carrying her away. I hang my head in shame.
I never imagined a single reality where I wouldn't be able to tell her goodbye.
How foolish of me.
I walk away from the body. Trying desperately to put distance between myself and that horrible scene. But no matter how far I go, it will never leave me. I will forever dream of the horror she must have felt in those moments. She trusted me, and I betrayed her. And for what? The brutal slaughter of a fifteen-year-old child!? Was it truly worth losing those last few moments with her?
I take a deep, shaking breath.
No. It wasn't.
I thought I was done being a criminal. I thought I was ready to move on, move back in with my mom, turn myself around… I thought I would be able to make peace with the events of this place, knowing that I did everything I could to be fair and stay with her. I never imagined this. I never planned for this. When he killed her, I couldn't control myself. I was angry. I took out that rage on him. And my wrath cheated her of a peaceful, beautiful final moment on this earth. She loved everything beautiful. She created beauty everywhere she went. She saw beauty in everything, even things like… Like me.
For someone who loved beauty so much to end in pain and fear… It's unforgivable.
I will always be a criminal. I will always be a murderer. I will always be a loose cannon inmate, whether I'm behind bars where I belong or not. I will never escape the titles that have been given to me by others, the titles that I put upon myself. The title of Victor isn't going to make any of them go away. Being rich and free from prison isn't going to make me into something beautiful. I will always wear a shroud of my ugly, painful, violent deeds. My ghosts will always precede me.
What did she even see in me? She was truly one of a kind. I'll never find anyone like her again. I'll never find someone with that much faith in my goodness, someone so carefree and vulnerable, someone so colorful, someone so… Beautiful.
Someone so naïve.
She should have known that I was no good. I should have had the courage to let her know before it came to this. She could have found someone else to ally with that she could actually trust. Someone that wouldn't let her down. I… I guess I was just enjoying having someone special like her in my life. I hadn't had anyone like her before. I wanted to hold onto the feeling, and keep her for as long as I possibly could... How selfish of me. Ultimately, it was her who got hurt. I never meant for it to happen, but it did.
I look down at my hands. The hands that have taken lives. The hands that have torn people apart. And yet, my hands were clean. No marks from fingernails. No suffering. They are clear. They still work. My heart still beats. My eyes still blink. My lungs still fill with air. And why? Because the world is cruel, and unfair. The world is an ugly place, full of ugly people. It's not fair. Those people were going to hurt my mom if I didn't step in. I didn't mean to kill them, but I did.
I wanted to kill the boy. I wanted him to hurt, to bleed, to suffer. I wanted him to pay for what he did. But in the end, I suppose he got the last laugh.
Of all people, she least deserved the cruelty of the world. I am the one that deserved the cruel hand. I am the one that deserves to die alone and afraid.
And yet, my hands are clean.
How cruel of fate.
It's like a joke.
The sun sets and the Capitol anthem plays, displaying their faces for all to see. Then, just like that, they disappear.
It should have been me, and everyone knows it. If I were gone, she could definitely win. There's only two tributes left besides me.
Wait.
There's only two tributes left.
My heart immediately picks up speed, and I hold onto my spiked knuckles even tighter… I look around, but the night remains calm. I suppose they're going to give it to us. That's okay, nighttime finales have gotten kind of overrated anyways.
They won't give us much reserve, though.
It's all going to end tomorrow.
The cruelty of the world will become evident tomorrow.
If I can escape the cold, cruel hands of karma, well… I guess only time will tell.
~.~.
A/N: Hi everyone! I am back from the dead. I'm sorry I fell off the grid, but I really needed it. I've been writing fanfiction on this site for 7 years and I've never once taken a break on my own accord. I needed some space from it to get out of my own head and write things that I'm proud to post. I had a great couple weeks of rest, but I miss this community so much that I can't stay away. I'm energized and ready to get back in the game of writing! I just needed that couple weeks away to miss it and get excited about writing again.
I'll get back to reading… Someday. I don't want to let things pile up too much, but I'm not really in a place to spend a whole day reading yet.
Anyways, hope everyone is well and staying safe! Wash your hands, wear a mask when you go out, all that jazz. Sending my love and I'm excited to start getting back into ff!
Eulogies:
5th Place: Inari Fujioka, District 10- Stabbed by Ott Travers, D4
Oh, this sweet artistic girl. If only she were submitted by someone that doesn't have a hankering for angst. This death was absolutely cruel, considering Ott had no real weapons except for sharpened sticks. To top it off, Kaiser wasn't there for her because he had deluded himself into believing that he could have his revenge and then go give Inari a heartfelt death scene. In reality, he couldn't have both, and he made his choice without thinking it, without even hearing her calling for his name. Her struggle and fear was evident and now it's a burden that he has to bear for the rest of his life… No matter how far he gets. Anyways, Inari was such a wholesome, good, creative, artistic little soul, and it sucks that she was doomed from the start. She had a great dynamic with Kaiser and they fit just right. Thanks for this great girl Legend, I hope I did her justice!
4th Place: Ott Travers, District 4- Stabbed and Beat by Kaiser Picasso, D10
Poor Ott. He was a good kid that was fiercely devoted to his friends and family, enough to do what he had to in order to get home. He realized that his Arena allies didn't hold a candle to his friends back home, and he was ready to get back to them. Though he kind of feel back into the background, it was fun to explore his darker side, what the Games forced him to do in order to get back home, while not going full crazy like some of the others we know. He was a unique character that fortified himself for his friends and family first, and then for his own riches and transition. He was a good person ultimately, and while he had to make some tough decisions, he was running for a good purpose. I'm sorry it had to end so painfully and brutally for him, he just messed with the wrong beast. RIP Otty. You did the best you could for your friends and family.
Chapter Question: So we have our finale of Nez, Job, and Kaiser! Who do you want to win and who do you think will win?
See ya then!