There was a new note waiting for them when they got back to the house.

Come back to me, lover. You said you would help me. Or are your promises as worthless and empty as you are?

Jane crumpled up the note and clenched it in his fist, his mouth flattening into a grim line.

"Patrick," Lisbon began.

Jane ignored her. He strode into the living room and found a box of matches, then yanked open the screen and threw the crumpled up piece of paper onto the hearth. His hands shaking, he lit a match and flung into the fireplace. The note flared and caught flame. Grimly, he watched it burn to ash.

He turned back to Lisbon abruptly. "It's a misdirect," he announced.

"A misdirect?" Lisbon repeated. "What do you mean?"

"He's unhappy that I'm ignoring him in favor of you," he said, his hand balled into fists at his side.

"Jane, there's nothing in there about me," she began.

"Patrick," he said sharply. "Don't start slipping up now."

"Patrick, then," she said, annoyed. "Look, maybe we can ask Cho to drive down there and check on her—"

"No," he snapped. "We can't let them know we're in contact with the team."

"Fine," she said, her voice clipped. "What do you suggest we do, then?"

He blew out an angry breath. "Nothing," he said, his voice thick with bitterness and frustration. "We do nothing."

Xxx

They went to bed not quite not speaking to each other, but silence reigned thick between them. Jane didn't even bother to feign sleep, just lay there glowering at the ceiling. Lisbon, hurt and frustrated at his continued refusal to let her in, even now, turned to her side and closed her eyes. She clutched her cross and addressed the Lord in a series of silent prayers until she finally fell asleep.

Lisbon hadn't attended mass regularly since she got to Salt Lake, but in the wake of the Lorelei letters, she started going to church in the evenings after work. Not to go to mass, but simply to sit in the quiet and pray.

A little over a week after Lorelei started sending her messed up versions of love notes, Jane turned up in the church, unexpectedly sliding into the pew next to Lisbon after she'd been sitting there quietly for about fifteen minutes.

"What are you doing here?" Lisbon asked, startled. "Is everything all right?"

"Fine," Jane said shortly.

Lisbon waited, but nothing more was forthcoming. "Ok-aaay. But why are you here?"

Jane shrugged. "It's quiet here. And if I'm here while you're here, I won't be distracted by worrying about whether someone's snatched you in my absence. I thought it would be a good place to think. So I walked over from the house."

"All right," she said reluctantly. "But none of your tricks in a house of God, please."

"No tricks," Jane promised.

Lisbon shook her head, unconvinced. On the other hand, at least he hadn't crawled up the aisle to impersonate God this time. And she supposed a church was as good a place to brood as any other.

Jane's presence distracted her at first. She worried about things like the likelihood that God might strike him down with lightning or that Jane would mortally insult some hapless priest wandering by. But after he had remained quiet and still for several minutes, she relaxed marginally and returned to her prayers. And after a while, there was an odd sort of peacefulness in sitting there in the silence with him. It stretched out and enveloped them in a calm, quiet bubble. She closed her eyes. She prayed for strength and for God to grant her peace. She prayed for Jane and her team and her family. After a brief internal struggle, she uttered a short prayer for Lorelei as well.

She knelt on the kneeler to recite the Lord's Prayer, then crossed herself and sat back in the pew. She opened her eyes to find Jane watching her, his expression inscrutable.

Her face heated. "What?"

"You're an extraordinary person, do you know that?" he said, his voice low. "I'm lucky to know you."

She blushed harder and elbowed him in the ribs. "Hush."

"Sheesh," he said, rubbing his ribs. "Some people can't take a compliment."

She stood. "You ready to go?"

"Sure."

They exited the church, Jane's hand on the small of her back.

They drove home together, both subdued. Ate a quiet dinner. Then did the dishes together in silence.

Lisbon took a dripping plate from Jane, absently pondering Lorelei, Jane, and marriage as she dried it and put it in the cupboard.

"We never had a chance to really finish our conversation from the other day," Jane said abruptly, handing her a clean casserole dish to dry. "Before Montrose brought the first letter, I mean."

"Yeah." Lisbon thought about the notes from Lorelei, each a vicious stab to Jane's—well, if not to his heart, to his soul, at least. "There's been—a lot going on."

Jane grimaced. "That's one way of putting it."

"I've been thinking." Lisbon took a deep breath. "Maybe—maybe you should go back to California."

Jane looked at her sharply. "What? Why?"

Lisbon shrugged helplessly. "There's nothing you can do to help her from here. Maybe if you went back, he'd stop torturing her."

"No," Jane said, scowling. "I'm not leaving you."

"I'm serious. Maybe now, after all he's done to her, you could finally turn her."

"I said no," Jane said harshly. "That's not happening."

Lisbon backed down. "Okay. It was just an idea."

Jane exhaled through his nose. "I'm sorry. I'm trying to—"

He breathed in again. "I know I haven't been—very pleasant to live with lately."

Lisbon looked down at the dish in her hands. "That's understandable, under the circumstances."

He looked at her intently. "I hope you don't think it's because I harbor some kind of feelings for Lorelei."

She lifted her head and met his eyes. "Don't you?" she said softly.

"No," Jane said, irritated. "I told you, I feel nothing for her."

Lisbon rolled her eyes. "That's a ridiculous thing to say."

Jane started to protest again, but Lisbon cut him off. "I don't mean I think you're in love with her. But you feel protective of her. You feel guilty that she's in this situation because you chose to engage with her when Red John put her in your path."

Jane snapped his mouth closed.

"You feel no matter what's she's done in the past, you don't want to see her hurt like this, because no one deserves to be a sacrificial lamb in one of Red John's twisted games," Lisbon continued. "You feel angry at her for going along with this whole messed up charade, with agreeing to let Red John use her to manipulate you. You feel powerless to stop what's happening to her, and rage at your powerlessness." She put the dish down on the counter and looked at him. "You don't feel nothing."

Jane looked away. "Okay," he said finally. "There may be…some feelings. And you may be... in the vicinity of correct about what those feelings might be."

He took a step closer to her and met her gaze. "But you left a few things out."

Lisbon raised her eyebrows. "Such as?"

"You left out that I feel angry at myself for falling into Red John's trap in the first place. That I'm amazed at my own stupidity for not seeing it before I was well inside it. That I bitterly regret sleeping with her, not only because falling into the trap gave him the upper hand, but because I failed to anticipate how significant a wedge sleeping with her would drive between you and me." His eyes bored into her. "How I would give anything if I could remove that wedge. You left out my fear that I might not ever be able to convince you that I don't have romantic feelings for Lorelei and never did. How I've been wondering if I will ever be able to make you understand how much I love you – how long I've loved you."

Lisbon swallowed hard, her throat dry. "Because of the green t-shirt?" she said, referring to the infamous shirt she'd supposedly been wearing on June eighth, 2007.

He reached out and cupped her face in his palm. "Among other things," he agreed. He leaned forward and rested his forehead against hers. "It's always been you, Teresa," he whispered. "How can you not know that by now?"

"Because you're secretive and controlling," she murmured without venom, closing her eyes and leaning into him. "And you never said anything for ten years."

Jane grunted in protest. "I didn't say nothing. I said things."

Lisbon leaned back and regarded him skeptically. "You didn't even give me an inkling until after you blackmailed me into marrying you."

He found her hands and laced his fingers through hers. "I did tell you I loved you."

She made an unhappy noise. "Yeah, but you pretended to forget it."

"But I'm a notorious liar," Jane said. "You should have known I was telling the truth."

She gave him the fish eye. "That makes no sense."

"I was obviously lying about forgetting telling you I loved you," Jane said reasonably. "Ergo, I was clearly telling the truth when I said I loved you."

She shook her head. "Only in your twisted mind is that a logical interpretation of events."

He wrapped his arms around her. "I'm sorry about faking my kidnapping," he whispered, his voice hoarse. "I'm so sorry."

Lisbon put her arms around his waist and leaned her head against his chest. "I was so scared, Jane. I just—" she took a shaky breath. "Those six months…I already know what my life would be like without you. I never want to go through that again."

He tightened his arms around her. "Believe me," he said, his voice rough. "I know the feeling."

Lisbon thought about Jane, torn apart by guilt in so many ways. Unable to protect Lorelei and miserable because she, Lisbon, was so angry at him over his efforts to protect her. His persistent guilt over his failure to protect his family.

She turned her cheek into his shirt. Nestled fractionally closer to him.

And decided she didn't want to be another source of guilt in his life.

"You know," she mumbled into his chest. "It's really very annoying how I can never stay mad at you as long as I want to."

Jane pulled back and clutched at her upper arms, searching her face. "You—what?"

She tilted her head up. "Seriously. It's infuriating. Even when you're being a distant jerk, brooding about another woman, I can't stay properly angry at you—"

Jane inhaled sharply. "You mean—"

She pulled him down by the front of his shirt and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. "I forgive you, idiot."

Jane inhaled sharply. "Really?" he said, threading his fingers through her hair and tilting her head back so he could search her face.

She bit her lip and nodded.

He started raining kisses down on her—on her forehead, her cheeks, her lips. "I—love—you," he said between kisses. He held her tighter. "I love you so much."

Lisbon took his hand and kissed his palm, just below his origami ring. "I love you, too."