Half an hour later Serena sat curled up on the sofa again, watching Severus as he calculated potions ingredients. A copy of one of her memories sat in a small vial in his bag.

"You should get some sleep," Severus said, without looking up. She glanced at the clock. It was one o' clock in the morning.

"Mm." She finished her glass and poured them both another drink. The bottle was almost empty.

"Did you see anything of the fight?" she asked him, gazing into the fire.

Severus looked over to her and his lips tightened. "No… Tomorrow I will read the reports… watch certain memories that have been collected. I shall almost certainly have Lucius' wild and wonderful version too."

"I fought him, you know," she said quietly, turning her glass round in her hand.

Severus took a drink, thinking about what she had said. "Did he recognise you?"

"Yes."

"Perhaps it is for the best."

She sent him a questioning look and he sat back, sighing, his quill still held between his pale fingers.

"Lucius likes to collect things… If he sees something he wants he usually gets it. It will do well for him to understand that you are out of his reach."

"Why on earth would he want to 'collect' me?"

Severus raised an eyebrow. "How naïve you are. Do you think there are many young, pretty purebloods with a strong family bloodline remaining?" He swallowed hard, realising he had called her pretty.

"That kind of Death Eater is he?" she said more to herself than to him. "I feel his son will follow in his footsteps."

Severus sighed. "Draco is a product of his upbringing. He may still have a chance."

"Do you know who else was there? Tonight?"

Severus' face twitched. "I know who is still active… I don't know much more. I must await the report tomorrow."

She nodded and leant her head against the back of the sofa. Her hands and feet felt warm now. She didn't know if it was the fire or the whiskey but it made her feel calmer. "I could have gone with him," she said in a small voice. "If he'd have just waited two minutes… I had to apparate Rolanda to the gates and then when I arrived back he'd gone… I should have followed him, I don't know why I didn't, I was so stupid thinking it was over and everything was ok…"

"Stop it." Severus' voice was low and firm but she just frowned at him. He didn't know anything, he wasn't there.

"I should have followed him, though, shouldn't I? He put me on the front line, he put me in the attack team and I didn't go after him. I should have done."

"Kingsley was an auror. He did his job and he was killed doing his job. If he'd had thought he needed back-up, he would have asked for back-up."

"Then why the fuck didn't he?" she cried at him, tears burning in her eyes. "How could he have been so stupid? Why the hell did he go up there alone? He's supposed to have had all this fucking training and he just goes up there by himself!"

Severus was quiet. Should he let her be angry at him? Let her fuel her courage with fury? He had hated Lily for a while after her death. She had chosen that scum of a husband and put her trust in vermin. That's what had got her killed. His hatred for her only added to his loathing for himself, of course. He had been the one to kill her. He had whispered his secrets to the Dark Lord, proud to serve, proud to be of use... not caring who he was sentencing to death… until he realised it was her.

He cleared his throat. "You don't know Bellatrix… I do," he said quietly. "She's mad, she's intelligent, she's cunning. If Kingsley went up there alone it's because he thought there was no one there. He did his job. He protected the civilians. He was brave. And that's how you need to remember him."

Serena cried. She buried her face in her hands and she cried. He was so brave. He was so caring. So loving. So kind. So smart. She remembered their final kiss. How he'd told her he loved her. She would never forget that. She shook as she cried and her breath came in uncontrollable hiccups. Her whole body hurt, her insides ached with pain and longing. She felt so alone. She felt so totally, utterly alone.

She sensed the sofa tilt slightly as a weight sat down next to her and then she felt strong arms envelope her. She buried her face in his black cloak and sobbed for everything she had lost.

…

It was three o' clock in the morning. Severus was uncomfortable. He felt wrong, being here, in her rooms, staring at a photo of the happy couple clinking glasses at the pub. He had been there, that night, he realised.

She had fallen asleep not long after he'd decided to try and comfort her. He had hesitated about doing so. It wasn't like him. His flight instincts screamed at him, but he couldn't stand her suffering alone. She had cried into his chest for almost half an hour before her sobs slowed and her breathing quietened and her head had drooped finally onto his side. Which was how Severus found himself at such an early hour. Sat on her sofa, his arm around the girl he loved whilst she slept with her face pressed against his chest, tears drying on her cheeks for her dead fiancé.

What a mess, he thought.

He hadn't dared move as she'd cried against him and slowly drifted off. It was a miracle she had fallen asleep but then again, she had drunk nearly a whole bottle of whiskey by herself. He needed to sleep too, and he couldn't really sleep here could he? Not with her, in her rooms. The only thing was that he didn't know if he could pull himself away either. She was warm against his side, and as she slept the air temperature had warmed too. She had on arm slumped over his waist, and he knew it wasn't sexual but he could still feel her elbow against his groin. But it was more than that, he thought to himself. It was that she trusted him. She trusted him so much she had fallen asleep against him. She had even let him enter her mind completely unguarded. He couldn't stay here though, no matter how much he wanted to. It wasn't right and he knew she certainly wouldn't want to wake up like that in the morning.

He slipped his wand from his cloak and cast a silent deep sleep spell over her, hoping it would keep her unconscious for at least another few hours. He slipped slowly from underneath her, laying her down carefully and propping a pillow beneath her neck. He pulled her blanket over her and knelt beside her. She looked so calm. Before he could stop himself his hand reached out and stroked the hair away from her face. Her blonde locks were so soft between his fingers. He would protect her, he vowed. He would do anything he could to make her feel happy again, even if it wasn't with him.

…

Serena shifted slightly and moaned as her head banged violently. Then the previous day flooded back and she forgot the pain in her head. She opened her eyes. She was in her living room. It was freezing, she noticed. There was a chill in the room so strong that the top of her blanket seemed to be slowly freezing over. She pulled it up to her neck. She stared up at the ceiling. How could this have happened to them? Twenty four hours ago she had woken up in his warm arms, they had gone to work happy it was Friday, exciting for their music concert that evening, full of plans for the future. And now… she was lying here on her sofa alone. And that's probably how she'd always be. He was gone. He'd been taken from her. And she was left behind. And what even was she? She wasn't even a widow. A noise from her kitchen startled her and she leapt to her feet, her wand in her hand in an instant.

The kitchen door was pushed open and Severus walked through carrying two cups of coffee.

He stuttered when he saw her wand and then his eyes darted about the room quickly. He placed the two coffee cups on the coffee table, pulled the stopper out of a vial and had pressed it into her hand before she could react to the magic humming around the room. It was cold, so cold, she was shaking violently now and there was a hum and a rumble in the air.

"Drink." Severus pushed the potion into her hand and lifted her arm up. She stared at him with wide eyes, so scared and confused at what was happening but he pushed her arm again and almost shouted this time. "Drink it!"

She drank.

Severus watched her closely, his fingers inches away from his wand, ready to react if necessary, but the potion seemed to be working. Serena calmed down slowly, her breathing became more regular and she sat slowly back down on to the sofa, putting her head in her hands.

Severus sat down in the armchair and sighed. "Good morning."

She looked up at him with red eyes.

"No harm done," he said firmly, before levitating her coffee towards her with a lazy wave of the hand.

"You can drink that now too. There's a mild pain potion in there, for your head."

She opened her mouth as if to speak, but instead took her coffee and sipped it, closing her eyes and sighing as she felt the effects on her body instantly.

"Thank you."

They drank their coffees in silence.

"You should eat," Severus said eventually.

She made a non-committal noise and then looked around the room, blinking. "Did you sleep here?"

"No."

"Then how did you get back in?"

Severus smirked. "Wards can be broken."

She looked towards her door and then sighed. She wanted to ask him how, but she just didn't have the energy to care.

"I must leave you this morning," he said, looking at her with an expressionless face. "The potion will keep you safe for several hours at least. I suggest you stay here, The Prophet has arrived. I'll bring you a copy when I return. Take a shower, change your clothes, and eat."

Serena could only stare at him with wide eyes as he stood up. Her brain tried to process all the information he had just said.

"You're leaving?" she said suddenly in a small voice.

Severus looked uncomfortable. "Yesterday that was all that you wanted."

"Yes, of course, I'm sorry, you're right and I really don't need a babysitter anyway-"

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. "But it is important that I spend time with the Slytherins this morning. And, well, it will do you some good to be alone. Do what I said and stay here. Ok?"

She nodded and gave him a brave smile. "Of course you need to see the Slytherins, don't worry about me, really, I'm fine."

He could see that she wasn't but he really could not stay with her, and, truthfully, she probably needed a good cry.

"I'll be back in a few hours." With that he left her.

She felt strangely alone when he left. What was she supposed to do now? She looked down at her hands and realised she was still in the ripped and bloody clothes from yesterday. She realised she never wanted to see those clothes every again. She went into her bathroom and got undressed. She pointed her wand at her clothes but only half of them disappeared. She remembered her magic was depleted and she groaned in frustration. "Fucks sake."

She stalked naked into the living room and thrust her jeans into the fire. Then she went and turned the shower on as hot as it would go and stepped under the steaming water. She didn't know how long she stood under there but she cried and cried until she had no tears left. When she stepped out she felt a lot better. She pulled on her favourite skinny jeans and a lilac t shirt. She pulled out her makeup bag and did her hair as she did every morning. The normalness of her actions calmed her. When she had finished she looked and felt a lot better. She cleared away the coffee cups and whiskey glasses from the previous night and looked around her rooms. There were memories of Kingsley everywhere and she didn't know what to do. Should she clear his things away? Should she keep them. Should she give them to Samuel? And then there were his rooms to think about and his apartment.

She took one of her small trunks and put it on her bed. She packed away the clothes that hung in her wardrobe, his slippers, his toiletries and other random things that lingered in her rooms and reminded her of him. The only things she kept was the photo of the two of them, his aftershave, which she placed on her bed side table, and his pyjama t shirt, the smell of which had caused another bout of grief and tears.

When Severus came back at eleven o' clock her quarters were a lot emptier. If he noticed he didn't say anything but he did nod approvingly at her change of clothes and washed hair and face.

"I'm going to go for a walk," she said before he took off his cloak. "Do you want to come?"

Severus gave a curt nod, put down his pile of papers on the coffee table and followed her out of the door.

"How were the Sytherins?" she asked as they walked through the corridor together.

"Confused," he replied. Serena waited for him to explain in his own time, but Severus seemed frustrated.

"Can you explain?" she asked gently.

He sighed. "Imagine, you're in school, you see in the newspaper this morning that there was a battle last night. The partner of your favourite teacher, a man you have seen working in the school has died… And yet your parents writes to you and says proudly that they had caused this fight… or even worse… Nott's father is imprisoned. Apparently you captured him last night…"

Serena could only gape as she processed this information. She hadn't thought at all about the students or about who she had been fighting last night, only why.

"Poor fucking kids," she said eventually.

They continued walking until they reached the entrance hall which was full of students, sitting and talking and practising magic. It was a Saturday, she reminded herself, it was normal, but she still felt worried. As they arrived at the top of the staircase the noise in the entrance hall died down to a hush. Several students, notably the Gryffindors, looked terrified of Severus, and avoided all eye contact, but the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws were looking at Serena. She tried to send a grim smile to all of them, but felt as though she hadn't managed it. Instead, one by one, the students took off their wizard's hats and gave a small, subtle bow.

The first student surprised her, the second even more, but when every student in the hall, Slytherins included had taken off their hat in a hushed silence, Serena felt herself cracking. Her eyes shone with tears as Severus guided her through the students' touching tribute and out onto the grounds. They had reached the edge of the forbidden forest before she could speak again.

"So what did the Prophet say exactly?"

Severus shrugged. "The usual. It was written by Skeeter."

Serena processed the news in silence as they walked the edge of the forest, far away from the eyes of students.

"What do you do on Saturday mornings in the Slytherin common room?" she asked after several minutes of silence.

Severus pursed his lips. "Slytherins never share their secrets."

"Untrue," she countered. "Slytherins never tell other houses their secrets. Your Slytherins tell me secrets all the time."

Severus, strangely enough, shot her a look that almost seemed proud.

"So, anyway, I don't belong to any house, so what do you do with the Slytherins on Saturday mornings?"

Severus raised both his eyebrows this time and sighed. "We play chess."

"Sorry?"

"We play chess… And whilst I play I listen to the conversation around me… I… hear and see problems to be resolved… I show the students what values and morals one should take… Don't forget the families these students come from."

"As if I could forget," she said quietly. "I should have been one of them."

Severus shivered at the thought that she would have been one of his students just a few years ago. He was once again reminded of her young age.

"That's remarkable," Serena said finally. "I feel like you're the only person that sees what a difficult position those kids are in. No one can even imagine the conflictual things they must see and hear."

Severus was relieved she felt the same. In all his years of teaching there she must be the first person to understand the problem and try and change things. She had told him about her seating plans in classes and especially about her classes for the girls, and he could see the positive effect having a second staff member on their side benefited the Slytherins.

They walked out towards the lake in a comfortable silence. When they arrived at the shore line Serena picked up some stones and threw them into the dark water.

"What do I do now?" she asked in a voice so quiet that Severus had to strain his ears.

"You have to get on with your life," he said quietly. "Everybody dies… Kingsley would tell you that if he could. Everybody dies, and now you need to live your life to make sure he didn't live his in vain."

Serena nodded slowly and threw another stone out onto the lake.

"I can't bear being so cold," she said suddenly, clenching her fists and avoiding his gaze. It was true that out in the open air he hadn't noticed the temperature difference so much, but Serena was now trembling with cold. He cast a warming spell over her.

"You will be ok," he said quietly, looking at the witch who seemed so ensure and fragile and weak. "You will be."