Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction using characters from the Harry Potter world. No, I do not own Harry Potter or any of the other characters, surprising though that may be. JK Rowling owns the characters – I'm simply expanding on what she provides.

Summary: Harry is given a diary by Dumbledore and, when he writes in it, he receives an unexpected response. His correspondent learns of Harry's less-than-suitable living conditions and an unlikely bond is formed. Abused!Harry, DrugAddict!Harry.

Warnings: Swearing, drug abuse, reference to child abuse, reference to sexual abuse/rape in later chapters.

A/N: Phew, that was quite the hiatus. I have written the rest of this story and will post chapters over the coming days/weeks.

Thanksgiving came and went in a blur for Harry. His dosage of the scar potion had been increased to account for the reduction in efficacy over time. He was now consuming half a vial daily, just before bed each evening. He was barely even stomaching a sandwich each evening now, as the potion totally wiped his appetite, despite Snape's attempts with appetite stimulant potions. He was taking a constant supply of nutrient potion, but nothing really replaces food. Worse though, was his raging depression that was totally sucking the life out of him.

Severus knew the young boy couldn't continue taking the potion for much longer. It was too dangerous, especially with his mental health history. He was consistently keeping an eye out for signs of increased self-harm, though the cold weather made this challenging. He had no doubts that the Gryffindor was harming himself, he just had to ensure it didn't go too far before they found another solution.

And that solution was proving difficult. He had brewed what they were calling the dark mark potion half a dozen times and hadn't been able to get the ratios correct. Or maybe it was the method that was incorrect. The book didn't give them the recipe, it only provided a list of ingredients. Some of the ingredients had measurements next to them. Others did not. He couldn't get past the fourth ingredient without the potion destabilising and exploding so far. Urgency pushed him to try again and again, to no avail. The ingredients were difficult to find and expensive, he couldn't continue to waste them on ruined potions. But what other choice did he have?

December 11th – 2.54pm

How is the potion coming along, sir?

No progress. I can't seem to stabilise it. There's something missing.

Damn.

How are you going?

Not great. Maybe we don't need the potion. We can find another way.

No. We need the potion.

What are we going to do once the potion is finished though? I don't see how it helps.

We take down his army. One by one.

It'll take too long. I don't have time. I can't live like this.

I will work it out.

I'm sorry for being so much trouble, sir.

You are not trouble, Harry.

December 11th – 10:54pm

You have started your secret little defence group again.

Uh… is that a question?

It is an observation. You should not be encouraging children to be warriors.

I'm not.

This is not a game.

I know! And it's about fucking time everyone realised that.

I do not approve of you training the brainless Gryffindors to fight in the war.

Good. That's not what we're doing.

Well then, pray tell, what are you doing?

The DA is about equipping willing students with additional defence skills.

And you don't believe that the werewolf is doing an appropriate job?

Remus is great. This is just additional stuff that isn't covered in DADA.

Regardless, it needs to stop.

No.

Harry-

No, sir. There's a war going on. Everyone is in danger, no matter his or her blood purity, and they deserve to have the opportunity to learn how to defend themselves.

Then go through the proper channels and get some professors to assist. It is dangerous to have a bunch of lions in a room together learning potentially dangerous spells.

It's not a bunch of Gryffindors. All the school houses are represented.

Great. So my godson is also in danger.

Why do you think it's just him? And why do you think it has anything to do with you?

Student safety has everything to do with me, Potter. Especially if there are snakes involved.

You are not shutting down the DA.

It needs to be regulated and supervised.

Okay, Umbridge.

Potter, we will discuss this tomorrow evening.

Can't wait!

Harry slipped, invisible and unnoticed, into his potions professor's private rooms. He let the door click shut behind him and moved towards the comfortable couch nearest the fire. The older wizard did not even look up from his book to acknowledge his arrival.

"Good evening, sir."

"And to you, Mr. Potter."

"What are you reading?"

Severus turned the book so that the young Gryffindor could read the title himself. Of course, it was a dark potions book, what else?

"Still no progress, sir?"

The potions master levelled his dark gaze with the young boy.

"Perhaps some, but not enough. How is your pain?"

"Manageable."

"Good."

Harry was starting to fidget, a sure sign of nerves from the wizard. Severus set his book down on the low coffee table between them and waited.

"I was thinking…"

A raised eyebrow, "I would have thought such an act was beyond your capabilities, Mr. Potter."

The Gryffindor rolled his eyes.

"Will you help us, with the DA?"

Severus frowned. This was unexpected. He was not the defence professor, nor was he well-liked among the student body at large.

"I'm pleased that you asked, Harry, but I suspect the werewolf would be a better choice, or perhaps your head of house."

The teenager nodded glumly and looked down at his hands. Stupid fucking idiot, should have known better than to ask. Of course Snape would be too busy to waste time with their stupid defence group. As if he wasn't already doing enough, constantly trying to improve the scar potion, trying to brew the dark mark potion, and training Harry in his free time. Always a fucking burden. He stood now and backed towards the door he had entered through, clutching his cloak tightly in his hand.

"Sorry sir, sorry to have bothered you."

Before Severus could respond, Harry disappeared through the door. The resounding click of it shutting behind him punctured the silence in the room. The Slytherin sighed deeply and ran a hand through his lank hair. Two steps forwards, one step backwards, as always.

Harry left the dungeons as quickly as he could, and soon found himself at the Room of Requirement. He pushed open the door and smiled to himself when he saw the room was full of shit to blow up. He removed his outer robe before levelling his wand and casting a blasting curse at the first item, watching the explosion with satisfaction before moving on to the next. Within a few minutes, the room was decimated and the boy was magically and physically exhausted. Sweat ran down his temples and soaked through his t-shirt. He lay on his back on the floor and took a few deep, panting breaths, trying to gain control of himself once more.

As he regained his composure, he rolled over onto his stomach and propped himself up on his elbows. His eyes raked across his pale forearms, noting the angry red marks, some quite fresh and others that had almost faded from existence. He ran his fingertips over a particularly deep one, pushing hard into the scarlet line and relishing in the pain it brought.

The boy stood then, quite abruptly, and moved to a desk on the far side of the room. He opened one of the drawers and smirked when he found, as expected in this marvellously magical room, a sharp knife. He settled himself on the chair at the desk and slashed viciously at his forearm. Watching the skin split and the red liquid bubble quickly to the surface.

Stupid fucking burden.

He slashed again, enjoying the searing pain that followed the cold blade along his skin.

Why do you have to make life so fucking difficult for everyone around you?

He slashed again, watching rivulets of blood meander towards his fingertips.

Worthless fucking freak.

He slashed again, hissing at the pain and release that filled his mind as his filthy blood filled the line made by the blade.

He dropped the knife unceremoniously back into the drawer and leant his head back against the tall chair behind him, taking a few deep, steadying breaths. He lifted the bottom of his t-shirt and pressed it against the fresh cuts to mop up some of the blood, enjoying the painful burning that the pressure caused.

This fucking war couldn't end quickly enough.

December 15th – 5:56am

I think we need to increase the dosage again.

I do not think that would be wise, given the side effects.

Do you have a better idea?

Not yet.

The halls of Hogwarts were garishly adorned with Christmas decorations now, the students buzzing with the excitement of the upcoming break. Harry, on the other hand, was not buzzing with excitement. Dark thoughts consumed his mind, the scar potion heightening his depression with every dose. It couldn't continue. Something bad was bound to happen. But what choice did he have?

The Gryffindor silently dodged students as he made his way towards the dungeons. He had arranged to catch up with Draco in Snape's quarters for the last Saturday morning before the Christmas break, which would commence the following Friday. He whispered the password and slipped into his potions professor's sitting room, dropping his invisibility cloak upon entrance. The professor was nowhere to be found. He shrugged nonchalantly and settled himself into an armchair near the fire to wait.

The blonde wizard swanned into the room with all the grace and confidence of a well-raised pureblood. He retrieved a chess set from the shelf across the room and settled down opposite Harry, spinning the board to offer the smaller wizard the white pieces. Harry silently acquiesced and set up his pieces, smiling at the strangely comfortable companionship that had formed between the two teens.

Draco demolished Harry in the first two games, with much teasing banter.

"Perhaps you should try the black pieces, maybe this game is rigged?"

Harry chuckled and shrugged.

"Maybe I just don't waste as much time as you do moving pointless pieces around a checkered board. I'll win this round, for sure."

His tone, however, was obviously unconvinced.

Draco smirked as he reset his black army.

"In your dreams, Potter."

They were silent for a few moments before Harry spoke again.

"I want you to take me to Malfoy Manor next Friday."

Silver grey eyes met emerald green.

"No fucking chance, Potter."

"I'm serious, Draco."

"As am I. Even if I wanted to take you there, I wouldn't risk how much Uncle Sev would torture me to death for that decision. You know my father would take you straight to the Dark Lord?"

Harry didn't raise his eyes this time and made his first move, watching intently as his pawn shifted forwards.

"That's what I was counting on", he murmured softly.

Draco quickly made his move before responding. His voice low and tinged with rage.

"You're a fucking moron if you think you're ready to face Him."

White moved again. "I'll never be ready, Draco, I may as well get it over and done with."

The silence stretched out between them, dancing uncomfortably across their skin, as the Slytherin pondered his next move.

He waited until his piece reached its destination, and then watched as it froze before he replied, his tone laced with sarcasm this time.

"Do you expect to just stroll on in and Avada Kedavra his ass?"

Harry snorted and shrugged, eyes focused on the game before him. He didn't expect that the Malfoy heir was going to agree outright, but he had hoped he'd be open to the possibility. They made a few moves back and forth

"Do you even have a plan, Harry?"

The dark-haired wizard shrugged again. He did have a plan, somewhat, but he didn't want to share it just yet. There were a lot of holes in his plan that he really did not need pointed out to him. It wasn't perfect, but fuck, nothing was gonna be perfect either way. He shifted his bishop and took out the blonde's knight while at the same time threatening his queen. He effectively forced the Slytherin into moving defensively, noticing, for the first time, that he'd gained the upper hand.

"You're such a bloody Gryffindor."

Draco surveyed the board carefully and, over the next few moves, he directed his pieces to, once again, act offensively, pushing the white pieces back. Harry sighed and reassessed the board. His knight then moved in to put pressure on the black queen for the second time, while simultaneously threatening the blonde's castle.

"I can't keep doing nothing, Draco, he's only getting stronger."

Draco's bishop swept across the board, smashed Harry's pawn into dust, and halted just two diagonal spaces from the white king.

"You're suicidal. Check."

The Boy-Who-Lived frowned and placed shifted his king, close enough to force the bishop to retreat. He then surveyed the board for a few moments to plan his next attack.

"I can't keep hiding. I have to fight Him. People are dying."

More pieces smashed into each other, both players losing a pawn and a knight each. Harry watched as his other knight smashed down Draco's castle.

"You don't have to face Him alone, though."

The Gryffindor stood, his hands braced on either side of the board. He murmured final instruction to his queen before raising his eyes to meet the sombre gaze of his friend.

"I have to do this, Draco. And you are the only person who can help me get to Him. Checkmate."