Chapter 28

Jimmy laid flat in the bed two days later. Barbara left with a bowl of broth that she had made him eat. Alone, he held up his right hand to look at the scarring and missing fingers. He moved the remaining three but still felt an odd numbness in his hand. He waited. No one else walked in the door. He was alone for the first time in days. He had that feeling like he couldn't take a deep breath again. He tried to slow his breathing down but only could take short gasps. He should be in the dirt right now. Why couldn't they just let him die? Because they wanted him to pay for what he did. He hurt so bad. He looked down at his chest. The long metal tube still there. He moved his hand to touch it. He panted as he wrapped his fingers around it.

Lou walked in the door just as Jimmy put his hand around the long tube.

"Jimmy! No!" She screamed as she rushed toward him.

He grunted as he jerked it out. He shook all over as he let the long bloody tube fall onto the floorboards by the bed.

"Cody! Mason!" Lou screamed at the top of her lungs.

Mason and Cody rushed into the room as Jimmy lay gasping. He looked down at the tube on the floor.

"What happened?" He asked as he picked it up and ran to pour whiskey over it to sterilize it.

"He pulled it out! He just did it!"

"Cody, hold him still. I don't know if I can put it back in but I'll try."

Lou watched as Cody held him as Mason worked. She got so mad that she couldn't take it.

"Why would you do that?! You are a son of a bitch for doing this to me!" She screamed.

Jimmy gasped looking at Lou.

He grunted as Mason stuck in his syringe again and let the pressure off his lung. His breathing slowed.

"Stop. Please." He gasped.

"Jimmy, look at me. I don't want you to die. I love you."

"You don't."

"I do. I always have and I always will. I'm so sorry. I was to blame that night also. I shouldn't have let you think it was all on you. Please forgive me. Your daughters need you. I need you."

Jimmy shook his head as he closed his eyes. Lou held his face and cried. Cody pulled her away into a hug.

"Lou, he'll get through this. You'll see. He will understand."

"Maybe. I'm going home. The girls need me there and I can't take much more of this."

"I'll take you when you're ready."

"In the morning. I can't watch this. I can't watch him kill himself. I've come to realize that I don't want to live without him anymore."

Cody nodded as Lou walked out the room. Mason had left and came back in with Teaspoon. They stood around Jimmy.

"He pulled it out. He'll try again. He doesn't want to live. If you want me to save him, I'll need to secure him."

"If that's what you have to do then do it. He'll understand one day."

Teaspoon went and brought in some ropes. Mason wrapped old rags around his wrists as they tied his arms down to the bed. Once they made sure he was tied down, Mason and Cody left. Teaspoon sat and rubbed his hands down his face. He didn't know what else to do.

Cody and Lou set out for Rock Creek the next morning. The ride was pretty much quiet and Cody didn't push for small talk. Rachel, Buck, and Ike walked out to meet them in the yard as they pulled to a stop. Lou swung down as Rosalyn and Maddie came squealing out to hug her. Lou took one look at Jimmy's girls who resembled him and broke down. Rachel looked to Buck. He and Ike picked up the girls to carry them over to the barn. Rachel pulled Lou in the house. Cody led their horses in the barn.

"Here." Said Rachel handing Lou a cup as they sat at her table.

"Thanks."

Rachel sat waiting.

"We found him but he was pretty bad when we got there. He doesn't want to live. I don't think he will."

Rachel wiped her eyes as she listened to Lou talk. When she finished, Rachel got up and brought in a small crate. She sat it down.

"This came for you while you were gone."

"What is it?"

"I don't know. There was no name."

Lou put her cup down and pried open the top. She cupped her hand over her mouth as she cried harder. Rachel jumped up to look. Jimmy's guns were packed inside. Rachel pulled out a note to see his scratchy handwriting. She read it as Lou cried. She waited for her to get herself under control.

"What does it say?" Lou asked.

"It says for you to sell them to get money for the girls. That this would be his last gift to them and you. That he hoped that they would fetch a fair price. And that he can't help who he is. That's it."

Lou held the guns to her chest and cried as Rachel tried to comfort her.

Jimmy opened his eyes to a dark room. He slowly adjusted his eyes. Kid was sitting beside the bed asleep. He tried to move his hand and couldn't. He jerked his arm and he still couldn't move. He tried to pull away again when Kid woke up.

"Be still, Jimmy."

"I'm tied."

"For your own good. It's better this way."

"Why are y'all doing this?"

"To help you. You will stay that way until your healed and we know you ain't gonna hurt yourself."

Jimmy turned to face Kid. The look in his eyes almost brought him to his knees. He swallowed past the lump in his throat.

"Did you hear Lou when she was here? She is trying to explain to you that part of the blame that night was hers. Jimmy, deep down, she wanted it to happen. She has told us that it made her happy until she thought that maybe she was doing the wrong thing. By that time, it was too late. Y'all had went too far."

"No. That's not how it happened."

"How would you know? You don't even remember. She loved you back then and didn't know it. She still loves you today. She forgave herself then she forgave you. Don't you see that all she needs is for you to understand. To be with her now. She's waited so long and I've seen the sadness in her face for two years. It's time for it to stop. Now stop with this shit."

"If I weren't alive, she would find someone to love. Don't you see. Those girls need someone good to raise them. Not someone like me."

"No. They need their father."

"No!" Yelled Jimmy pulling against his restraints.

"Calm down, Jimmy. You ain't going nowhere."

"Please, Kid."

"I'm sorry."

Jimmy strained until he started coughing. He relaxed back and closed his eyes. Mason stepped in to check. Kid just shook his head. Mason nodded and left as Jimmy fell back asleep.