Chapter 25
Yue-lung isn't bothered by his collapse in the slightest, but Sing, by the look of it, is totally devastated... probably because it happened in that particular situation. Afterwards, Yue-lung tries to cheer him up, relating to the event humorously, but it doesn't work. Sing just doesn't want to touch him again.
The next day they are sitting in his room, the gang leader seems as if his entire world fell apart. "It's hopeless," he says, hunched in the armchair.
"So you're ging to give up?"
"What else can I do?" Sing lifts his face. Much to Yue-lung's terror, there are tears in his eyes.
"Sing, I don't want you to cry because of me," Yue-lung has never been so certain of anything before. "It wasn't your fault. I mean... We must assume you're a great kisser."
Sing, however, presses his lips tight and averts his eyes without saying anything, so the compliment didn't work.
"It wasn't your fault," Yue-lung repeats once more. "It's because..." He pauses, searching for a right word. "Because of overstimulation."
"Spare yourself that scientific language. You think you can distract me from the problem?"
"I'm not distracting you. People happen to faint during sex, Sing."
"But we didn't even get there, we only..." Sing gulps, "kissed..."
"Then we must do it again," Yue-lung says in a seemingly calm tone.
But Sing only buries his face in his knees. He resembles a child that found himself in a situation too difficult for him; he's never looked like that, even two years ago when they met for the first time, despite being five inches shorter and much tinier than now. Yue-lung doesn't want to see it. In his eyes, Sing Soo-ling is courage, boldness and optimism incarnated, so the sight of him now is... unpleasant.
Yet, he has no idea what to do... what else could he say to give him strength. He's under the impression that the more he will push, the more Sing will move back. In fact, he's not at all certain that, if they did it again, it wouldn't end the very same way. On the other hand, it seems to him that the more they try, the better are chances that they finally succeed - but how can he suggest it after Sing didn't approve the idea already?
The reason Yue-lung approaches the problem differently is that has a very good memory of what happened the last evening. He remembers the soft darkness and Sing's strong arms around him. He remembers how he needed that contact, as much as words and concern. He remembers that moment he felt completely, perfectly safe - and open to everything. In the first place, he felt ready to go out of his self and meet Sing, like never before had he felt with anyone else. He liked their kissing and enjoyed it, only... Yeah. Sing's passion hit him so violently it was just too much. Like he said, he experienced overstimulation and that's why he fainted. However, he clearly remembers that, before that happened, he felt good, not the opposite, although Sing probably assumed the latter and won't be persuaded otherwise, while Yue-lung is too timid to approach him, not in the middle of the day anyway.
"You did know from the beginning I was fucked in the head," he says with self-irony.
Sing looks up at him and at least he no longer appears to cry. Good.
They succeed in getting back to their daily tenderness, but Sing clearly doesn't want to go any further and, in general, seems terribly sad; Yue-lung, on his part, is too scared to initiate anything. That moment in darkness was special, and besides... If Sing, which is possible, refuses flatly or pushes him away, something between them will be lost forever.
As the days pass, however, Yue-lung becomes more and more certain that he must do something before Sing decides to become a monk and renounce all carnal pleasure.
When July starts, Yue-lung is already sick of being treated like a glass figurine that would fall to pieces when handled wrong. He understands Sing's attitude, but he's also absolutely certain they won't get anywhere if they don't move forward. He knows fully he wants to try, but if he leaves it to Sing, then they will spent the rest of their lives just holding hands. And even though holding hands is much more he had before, he doesn't plan to stop here and give up the possibility of finding out what may follow. The last months have made him believe that even better things may follow.
That is why one evening, as the warm and fragrant dusk is falling outside and Sing has just returned from the shower, Yue-lung stands in the doorway between their rooms and asks straight, "Sing, can you trust me?"
Sing's expression clearly says he hasn't forgotten the affair with the aphrodisiac yet... but he must also think that saying 'no' won't proper be, considering their bond, so in the end he nods. Yue-lung, despite his nervousness, finds it somewhat sweet. He enters the room and sits down next to him on the edge of the bed. Sing glances at him but at least doesn't move away... which, on the other hand, arises a question if he already stopped desiring Yue-lung altogether.
So Yue-lung asks, "Do you want me still?" because, if the answer is confirming, he has nothing to do here.
Then, however, Sing looks at him with such passion in his eyes that all doubt vanishes. Yue-lung takes a deep breath, inhaling Sing's scent of water and shampoo, and says, "Sing, we must try again, otherwise these last months will be in vain. I really want to try. I really feel ready. You said you wanted me to be your first. I... It was one of the kindest thing I've ever been told in my life... and it made me happy and... I'm grateful."
He pauses, realizing there's much more he wished he could say but will never be able to, so he must convey the most important thing. When he speaks again, his voice is softer, although his heart is beating very fast. "And when I thought about it and internalized it, I slowly understood that, if it's so... Sing, I'd like you to be my last."
He has no courage to raise his eyes. He clenches his hands on his clothes and gulps. Sing is sitting beside him without saying a thing, but the silence between them isn't dead, so he decides to keep talking. "I want you to be my last, so please, let's do it. I know you're scared... Well, I'm not, but I don't want to expose you to any new... hmm, unpleasant things, so we're... going to do it my way. You said you trusted me, and I promise to do nothing against your will. You can raise an objection at any moment, and we'll stop right away." He finally looks at him. "Are you up for this?"
Sing looks back. Yue-lung can see hesitation and thousand of questions in his eyes, but also immense desire and affection... and he is once more hit by the thought, 'Only you.' Sing is the first man that has ever managed to awake such a need in him.
"Let's do it your way," he hears in the end, and the answer fills him with relief. "Which means what, exactly?"
"Lie down and face the wall," he says and, when Sing follows the instruction, takes out a needle. "We'll succeed, I just... can't have you touch me," he explains, finding the right point on his nape and pricking it right away. Then he rolls Sing on his back. "You can't move from your neck down, but you feel everything, right? You can breathe, talk and... your body is working normally."
Sing's eyes are like saucers now. He gulps. His expression is anxious and bordering a sheer terror, but before he gets to protest, Yue-lung leans over him and says softly, "Please, let me attend to you tonight. Trust me, neither of us will regret it."
"Fine," Sing replies, despite his voice being pretty uncertain.
Yue-lung smiles and removes the towel from his hips. All this made Sing's arousal vanish, but Yue-lung is sure it will soon be back. He gets up and begins to undress, without taking his eyes off the figure lying on the bed. He likes what he's seeing: a slender body with skin a bit darker than his own and long limbs with distinct, developed muscles. Beyond doubt, it's a body of a man, now that child Yue-lung met two years ago.
"Turn on the light," Sing's voice breaks into his observation. "I want to see you."
Yue-lung switches on the lamp in the corner of the room, then takes off the last of his clothes and unfastens his hair. Sing gives a soft moan, averts his eyes for a moment, only to look at him right away. Yue-lung sits down on the bed again and leans over, letting his hair brush against Sing's sculpted stomach and provoking the twitching of his muscles.
He smiles when Sing suppresses another moan. "You don't have to be quiet. I bet everyone thinks we've been sleeping together for a long time," he whispers.
Sing looks at him with reproach that soon disappears when Yue-lung touches his cheek, only to move his hand down on his neck and chest. He can feel fast heart-beating under his palm that corresponds to the quick breathing. He looks over his shoulder to see that Sing's lower parts started to gain life, and then returns to his flushed face. The realization how relaxed he's feeling strikes him... and then he thinks it probably has something to do with having the absolute control. This conclusion isn't pleasant, and maybe that's why he asks, "What would you like me to do?" although he didn't intend it, having planned everything ahead.
"Kiss me...!" Sing calls with a mixture of embarrassment, impatience and irritation.
Yue-lung blinks in astonishment - he didn't see it coming... but then he leans down to touch Sing's lips with his own, closing his eyes. A gentle buss quickly turns into a passionate kiss when Sing hungrily sinks in his mouth. Yue-lung cups his face, slipping his fingers into his hair, still damp after the shower, and doesn't stop; he fully concentrates on what he's doing, as if this contact is his anchor in reality. Finally, they pull their mouths apart to take some air, only to be connected in yet another kiss soon.
"Do you like it?" Sing asks during the next interval.
"I told you, you're a great kisser," Yue-lung answers. "Not that I really have any comparison," he adds after a moment. Then a sudden thought makes him shudder and pull away. "You really want me? After so many hands touched me before...? I'm not pure."
"Let me remind you I am not touching you," Sing points out ironically. "Besides... I won't stand anybody in my bed but you, so let's not talk about other men," he says in a firm manner, but then his voice becomes softer. "In a way... it's your first time, too... right?"
And suddenly Yue-lung is unable to say a thing because his throat clenched, so he only nods. He's positive he's never felt so grateful before, and it helps drive away that coldness. However, as he's happened to get sentimental in Sing's presence more than enough so far, now he pulls himself together and remembers why they are here... but he can't tear his eyes off Sing and touches his cheek once again. Sing turns his head to kiss the inside of his hand, and Yue-lung has an impression of electric spark running through his body and has to contain a cry, one of surprise and pleasure. He must be careful that it doesn't end like the last time.
Like before, he moves his hands onto Sing's chest, massaging his skin with his fingers, first gently, then in a more firm manner, giving special attention to his nipples. Sing's breathing, that had managed to calm down a bit after kissing, now quickens again, and when Yue-lung lowers his head and brings his tongue into action, Sing can't hold back his moan and bends his head back. After a longer moment of such stimulation, Yue-lung moves the tip of his tongue over the hot skin of Sing's stomach, leaving light yet deliberated kisses along the way.
"You're... you're so good," Sing pants when Yue-lung gives him a break.
"I did my homework. I read a bit about male erogenous zones."
Sing stares at him in disbelief, and then his lips stretch in a smile. Not for long anyway, as the next moment Yue-lung reaches and grabs his cock, which makes Sing press his eyelids tight and toss his head back again. He bites his lips but, as Yue-lung begins to move his hand, he can no longer contain a hoarse groan that seems to be coming deep from his throat. Yue-lung smiles, never stopping to stroke the hard, hot organ up and down. It doesn't take long, and Sing - unable to control his orgasm - comes in his hand quite soon.
"It was the most... incredible thing in my life," he says when he's able to speak again and his breathing calmed down. "Thanks," he adds in a low voice.
Yue-lung is glad to hear that; he feared Sing would say, 'the most embarrassing'. "Wait for the rest," he murmurs and sits up; he spent the last minutes lying next to him.
Sing opens his eyes to look at him. "There's more coming?" he asks hesitantly. "Besides... What about you?"
"We have all night," Yue-lung replies with a smile, driving away the thought, 'We have all life'.
He makes Sing aroused again. He enjoys it more than anything, and not because he has control and can finally bring Sing to and over the edge. He enjoys this intimacy, how they are together with no barriers whatsoever. Above all, he likes it that he can give Sing pleasure; now, witnessing his bliss, he has a palpable feeling that he can repay him for everything he's been given in the last year. Showing his gratitude with actions fits him better than with words, and that's why, from the moment he thought of doing it, he's been resolved to give his all. All.
When Sing gets hard again, Yue-lung climbs atop him in order to take him in. After the previous time, Sing's cock is slick, which makes everything a bit easier. Sing stares at him, alarmed and delighted at the same time, gasping for air. "Stop...!"
"Really? Would you like me to stop?"
The only reply is a groan that never ceases as Yue-lung, bit by bit, shifts down and Sing gets inside him deeper and deeper. He looks at Sing's flushed face, parted lips, and eyes filled with ecstasy, and he knows it's him who did it. He's overcome with rapture, caused by that unique feeling of unity. And then he realizes that his own body started to vibrate with a sensation that he hasn't known before and that demands his attention. Gasping for air, he looks down to see the best proof of his desire.
Sing can see it, too. "Please, let me touch you," he asks, giving him a serious look of admiration and immense love... and Yue-lung is aware he longs for it with every fiber of his being.
He performs some stunt that is utterly impossible for a normal man to make Sing able to move again. Sing sits up to embrace and kiss him, and to touch him. Yue-lung bites his lips, putting both arms around Sing's neck, and presses his face to his shoulder. He's certain he's going to faint, but he doesn't want it, not when Sing is touching him like that and it's... good. When the bliss comes, the strong arms around him provide the safest shelter, and the words of love that never stop give sweetness to these perfectly needless tears of joy.