Chapter 28
"How was your week?" Jeff asked as they were headed back to his office Thursday night.
"Oh, it was full of merriment and whimsy," Oliver said smiling slightly.
Shane laughed and explained to Jeff showing him some of the pictures. By the time she got to the party pictures with the cake, Jeff was laughing as well. They settled in his office.
"The list you gave us was extensive in the range of questions," Oliver commented.
"Some couples find it odd to talk about that many what if scenarios. I find that most couples end up running into most everything on the list at some point in their marriage. Discussing how you view finances in general is eye opening to some couples."
"We ended up meeting with my financial planner Tuesday to start looking at our finances together. She's helping us put together a list of what we need to do moving forward. We discussed putting together a budget for the rest of the year once the financial planner has finished putting the list together for us."
"Was there anything this week during discussions that surprised either of you," Jeff asked?
"I was a little overwhelmed after the Tuesday meeting with the amount of financial responsibilities Oliver has. It may take some time to get used to it," Shane commented.
"I was surprised Shane has an app to tell her to stop buying shoes," Oliver laughed.
Shane nudged him on the shoulder smiling slightly. "I told you that was to stick to a limit."
Oliver took her hand that hit his shoulder. "We did talk about ways to make things easier. Shane is looking into finance software to streamline some of the monthly things we need to take care of. We didn't resolve everything on the list. I don't think either one of us had strong opinions regarding schooling children and neither of us had discussed with our parents long term care plans."
"That's pretty common. The goal isn't necessarily to decide everything but to open a dialogue in order to know the other persons thoughts or intentions," Jeff said. "That's great that you're starting to work on putting financial goals in place together. Having a budget does help reduce financial arguments if both parties adhere to it. Did you discuss how you would resolve financial arguments?"
Oliver answered, "I think we were both hoping that if we put a budget together, between sticking to that and meeting with the financial planner quarterly we could avoid most major arguments."
"I'd agree that in most cases it probably would, it's the times unexpected things happen. Those months the car breaks down, the dryer stops working and a storm takes out part of the roof. There's always going to be unforeseen circumstances that pop up that you may need to adjust. It sounds like you guys went through most of the financial questions. The last thing we usual review are questions regarding intimacy, spiritual as well as physical. I have a list of questions to send home with you just like we did with the finance section. Not everyone is comfortable reviewing the physical questions with their pastor. Making sure you discuss it between the two of you avoids mismatched expectations. Otherwise we've wrapped up all the sections we usually go through."
Oliver took the list. "We haven't, uh, that is to say…. There hasn't been, uh,… you see."
Shane looked at Oliver wryly. "I believe what Oliver is trying to say is we were waiting until we get married to let that genie out of the bottle."
"As your pastor, I'm pleased you've made that decision. I don't find everyone has your patience or fortitude in the current age. Even if you haven't, there are still things you probably want to discuss and sort out."
Oliver was still lost for words as they headed out of the office. When Oliver went to join the choir, Shane walked with Jeff to the sanctuary. "Thank you for spending this time with us. Sometimes it's been hard but I'm glad we've taken the time to go through everything. It still weighs on Oliver his first marriage didn't last. It was important to both of us that we start off on as solid a footing as we could."
"Shane, I see a lot of couples go through the church and my office. Life has a way of throwing curveballs at the oddest times. There's a quote "Peace is not the absence of chaos or conflict, but rather finding yourself in the midst of that chaos and remaining calm in your heart." You guys have what it takes to last. You both have the ability to find the calm in your heart. My door is always open if you guys need to talk."
Shane sat listening to the choir practice "Great is Thy Faithfulness." She prayed for God to continue to help them prepare for their life together, to continue to build a solid relationship and to continue to grow together in Christ. She watched Oliver come towards her and felt at peace.
"Are you ready," Oliver asked?
Shane smiled, "Yes, I think we are."