Adventures In Solitude

by Jdphobe

Fifteen years after Assclass, Nagisa, now 30, has done a pretty bang-up-job of becoming a teacher. Happily married, he's ready to move onto his eighth year of teaching, now at the renovated E-Class building. Life is good. But will everything he believes be tossed upon its head when he meets a strange student he quickly becomes convinced is the reincarnation of Korosensei?

41. Sunset Time

"...Hey."

There aren't really any 'good' ways to greet someone you've victimized time and time again, but out of all the options, 'hey' might just have to be the worst one.

Fumiko whips around. Her eyes widen and then narrow. She scoots backwards- practically stumbling over herself as she scrambles to get away from Kiyoshi. She soon regains her composure, however… bolting to her feet and shooting him a sideways glare.

"What are - what on earth are you doing here?" she demands, fist clenched, but voice quaking. "I don't - if you think you can come here and attack me while I'm on my own, then you've got another thing coming!"

"No-! I-! Shit!" Kiyoshi yelps, taking three steps back. "I'm not here to attack you! I was just trying to run erran- I'm a moron, alright!? My dad asked me to grab groceries and I completely zoned out on the way back home. I wasn't going to bother y- I know you don't want to see me. But I saw you sitting out here alone and I…" he drifts off, awkwardly holding up his bag of groceries. "...I got worried about you."

Fumiko mulls that over for a long moment… nose wrinkling. She glances towards the plastic bag, then towards Kiyoshi, then back towards the ground.

"I'm not really interested in your pity, you know," she snaps. "I'm fine, okay? Now get off my lawn. I don't remember inviting you."

"I… I know," Kiyoshi admits. "But I-"

"I also don't remember stuttering," Fumiko interrupts. "So let me put this in a way you might understand: take one step closer to me… and I will fucking kill you."

She says it with conviction, but her hand shakes as she speaks. Blinking fast... she stares him down with watery eyes. It's becoming increasingly obvious no matter how hard she tries that she doesn't mean any of those big, angry words. Deep down… Fumiko's just scared.

(Somehow, that feels so much worse.)

"Okay," Kiyoshi says, taking a deep breath and setting his groceries down beside him. He puts his hands in the air. "I understand. I won't come any closer." In fact, he takes another step backwards, just for good measure. "And I'll… I'll go soon. I just… wanted to check up on you. I've heard you've been unwell. And... you're gonna catch a cold out here."

Fumiko raises an eyebrow, but doesn't speak.

"Seriously. Why are you out here all alone? I know… I know things have been rough lately, but if this is because of me-"

"It's not," Fumiko interjects. "Believe it or not, the world doesn't revolve around you." She turns her back to him slightly, hiding her expression. "It's… uh… I got in a fight with my family. That's all. I just - I said something dumb and I pissed Mom off. I don't know. I've been having a harder time keeping the 'perfect daughter' act up lately." She shakes her head. "...Not that anything matters much anymore, anyways."

Kiyoshi stares awkwardly. He shifts from foot to foot.

"Shit, man… I'm sorry."

"Not really interested in hearing it from you," Fumiko responds. "Like I said: I don't want your pity. Now are you gonna tell me what you really want from me already, or are you gonna keep pretending you actually care if I get a goddamn cold?"

"I do care! I would be very upset if you-" Kiyoshi pauses. "Okay. No. Yeah. You're right. Now's not the time for that. I… uh… just wanted to make sure you were doing okay as a whole, I guess."

"Well: I'm not. Is that the answer you wanted to hear? Does that finally satisfy something in your twisted dark soul?"

"No, Fumiko. Of course not," Kiyoshi replies. "I know you don't believe me, but I'm as fucked up about this situation as you are."

"Yeah. You: The guy who got off on hitting people. I'm sure you're the biggest victim in this story."

Her words sting. It's difficult to tell just how much of them she even means. But... Kiyoshi supposes she's right. She has every right to feel this way. And that's why... he's not going to back out now. He's not going to run away just because he can't handle a little bit of truth.

"...Okay. Yeah, no. I'm a shithead," he admits. "You're right. But... that is the real reason I approached you." He pauses. "Not because I'm a- I'm trying not to make this a shithead move. I really do want to make sure you're okay. I… realized this might be the last chance we ever get to talk... and that... scared me. Because I think we need to talk, eventually. And I don't want you to have to go through that during school. At the very least... at the very least...- I just wanted to approach you and let you know that… I think you're right. Like, for the record."

He scratches his arm.

"I know… some people are trying to make you feel like you made the wrong decision right now. But shit, Fumiko... I'd do the same thing if I were in your shoes. That's why…- I think you deserve better closure than that being your last conversation. You never have to talk to me ever again if you don't want to after this. I'll leave you alone. I swear on my life. But at least… let me try to offer you up some answers. Before I go away, I mean."

He still can't see Fumiko's expression. Her hand flexes slightly.

"It feels like you're playing mind games when you say stuff like this, you know. Framing it like it's all about me. That's not how you think about things. You're right: I would like closure. But I don't think people like me get closure with people like you... and I know I'm certainly not your first concern. You want closure too, don't you?"

"Well… yeah! Of course I do!" Kiyoshi responds. "You were… like… my best friend. It hurts like hell to lose you. I'd like to remember you on a better note than me begging you to give me some undeserved second chance like a big baby. We both deserve better than that." He shakes his head. "Sorry if I… didn't sound completely honest about that. You're right. This is about me, too. But… that doesn't mean I don't want to make sure you're going to make it through this unscathed."

"I care about you Fumiko. Again: believe it or not. And I… don't expect you to care about me back. But I do. So… please. Hear me out. Just this once. Let's… talk about what happened. I won't make excuses, and I won't ask for sympathy. I just… want to clear my conscience and help you out, too."

Fumiko's silent. Her mouth twitches. She seems uncomfortable... agitated. Scared, too.

"Please," Kiyoshi says. "...I know I don't have any right to ask this of you, but I really do think it would help you, too. Do it. For both of us..."

Fumiko's quiet for another long moment, before turning around to face him. Her expression's indecipherable- then deadly serious.

"...Okay," she says. "You wanna talk? ...Okay. I'll talk. But that's it. And don't you think - don't you think for a second I'm doing this for you. This isn't 'for us.' This is for my sake, Kiyoshi, and the moment you try to make it about how bad you feel, we're done here. I'm out."

"Okay," Kiyoshi agrees. "That's… fine. That's fair, honestly."

He already regrets his choice of words.

"For the record: I don't believe a word of that crap you said about wanting to help me. I think you wanna make it easier on yourself to sleep at night. And if that's what you think you're getting here, you're wrong. Because this is going to be... this is going to be my thing. This is going to be my turn to be bitter. I'm not going to sugarcoat things."

There's a harshness to her tone, but a sort of defenselessness to it, too. More than anything, Kiyoshi just thinks he feels bad for her. This clearly isn't easy for her. And it almost makes him wonder if he'd made the wrong decision. But there's no turning back now. They're going to talk this out.

"Okay," he says with a sigh. "I don't expect you to. Honestly… I didn't even think I'd get this far in the first place."

"Keep…- keep a distance from me," Fumiko instructs, taking a step to the side. "I don't want you within arms length of me, and if you try to touch me I'm calling this whole thing off. After this you leave me alone. You do not contact me again. I am doing this so you leave me alone for good. And if I find out you don't stay true to your word about that… I'll… I'll…-" she hesitates. "Well, I'll make you regret it."

Her threat is hardly palpable. Nevertheless, Kiyoshi resolves himself to honor his word. Not because he's afraid of her - ...honestly, he's not even a little - but just because it'd be plain unfair not to. He's lucky to even be getting this chance. He'd just be taking advantage of her at this point if he weren't telling the truth.

"Okay," he says. "I'll leave you alone. And I won't touch you. I swear on my life."

He takes a step to the side, then another, just for good measure.

"...Is this far enough?" he asks.

Fumiko observes him carefully.

"A bit further," she says. "Just in case. You could still jump on me from that distance."

In any other situation he'd think she was being overcautious. But here somehow he feels she's being under -so. This isn't- this isn't some sign of paranoia … overbearingness. This just goes to show how unsafe she feels around him. Just how quickly that trust they'd once had had dissipated.

...Fumiko doesn't stop shaking... even by the time they're seven feet apart.

"Okay," she finally says. "That's… good, I think. And… and remember- don't try to pull anything."

"Yeah," Kiyoshi says. "Don't worry. I won't."

'...Don't worry,' he thinks. What a funny goddamn phrase.

Never once taking her eyes off him, Fumiko slides down to the ground. She motions for him to follow. And the moment he doesn't immediately oblige she hurries to her feet... defensive. Kiyoshi picks up on the cue, lowering himself to the ground and giving a quiet nod.

Fumiko breaths out through her nose in response… before nodding back, and cautiously returning to her seat on the ground.

"...So," she says awkwardly.

"...So," Kiyoshi repeats.

"Where do we start?"

"Well… I want to say sorry, but I'm also taking it you don't want to hear that?"

"No. I don't," Fumiko admits. "Not even remotely."

"I am, for the record."

"And I don't really believe you. Besides," Fumiko says. "...Even if you are, I don't think that really fixes much at all."

"You're right," Kiyoshi admits. "It doesn't."

They sit in silence for a long moment. Kiyoshi almost begins to think he'd screwed this up… that this is his last conversation with Fumiko and he hadn't even thought through what he'd wanted to say… but she beats him to speaking.

"What happened to your hand?" she asks absentmindedly... skeptical, almost. "It's bandaged."

Kiyoshi takes another scoot away from her, raising his bandaged hand to get a better look at it. She tenses slightly at the movement… but relaxes as she realizes he's only putting further distance between them.

"I had a bit of a breakdown," he admits. "Uh… after we got in our fight." He's a little ashamed to say it, but what else is he supposed to do? He's not going to lie to her. "...Well… it was more like a temper tantrum, actually. I threw a bunch of stuff... punched a hole in the wall, then ended up shattering the mirror. In my idiocy, I cut my hand up super bad."

Fumiko cocks an eyebrow. "Did you have to go to the hospital?"

"Christ, no," Kiyoshi responds. "I begged my dad not to. Through some miracle, he listened to me."

"I hope you didn't take this out on him."

"Of course not," Kiyoshi responds. "I mean… we got in a fight, but I didn't hurt him or anything. I didn't hurt anyone."

"...Yet," Fumiko says. "There's still always a possibility, you know. I'm not ready to give you a gold star just because you didn't take your temper out on anyone this time."

"Yeah," Kiyoshi says with a sigh. "...I know. And I agree. But I do disagree with you too, for the record. That... this is inevitable or whatever. Even if you still think I'm that person… and even if I agree I need to be held accountable… I'm not going to hurt anyone. I'm going to make sure of it. And if it were anyone but you, I really wouldn't like being talked about that way."

"I didn't… I didn't treat you that way because there was some inherent rottenness in me. I treated you that way because I was a terrible fucking person. Implying I'm… I'm just predestined to do those things… well…" he pauses. "I worry that would make me desensitized to it. Make me think 'I'm just this way and I can't change. Why should I try?' I never want to be desensitized to treating people that way. So… I'm gonna watch myself carefully. But I'm not gonna believe that of myself, either."

Fumiko shrugs. "...Mmm," she admits, but doesn't say much more. Something tells him she's not really ready to dispute or agree with that. one

"But- uh… let's not talk about me," Kiyoshi continues. "You said - you said you don't want me making this about how I feel. So... let's… talk about everything else."

...The terrible, terrible everything else.

"I… uh… think Makoto's in the wrong, for the record."

Fumiko turns her head towards him, but doesn't speak. Kiyoshi shifts slightly, gnawing on his lip.

"He's not treating you fairly. Which I know sounds ridiculous coming from me… but it's true." He pauses. "And I don't want to- I'm not saying that to try and drive you apart. I don't want you two to be driven apart. Which I know… also sounds ridiculous coming from me, but… yeah. I think… this thing you have is really special. I think… you two are really lucky to have found each other. I guess that's why it makes me so mad-" Er- "... Upset to see him acting the way he is. Why is he taking my side over yours?"

"That's what I've been asking myself for the last goddamn week," Fumiko retorts, rolling her eyes. "Though I think it's pretty obvious at this point: he just doesn't care about how I feel."

"Well… I'm not sure that's true-"

Fumiko reaches out to grab a rock. She skips it across the pond with a frustrated grunt. "I'm not really interested in debating this with you, " She says "If he cared about how I felt even a little bit, then he wouldn't be buddy-buddy with the guy who put my head through drywall for fun."

Kiyoshi's shoulders sink. He doesn't have the energy in him to argue.

"...Yeah," he says. "I guess you're right about that much."

He knows deep down Makoto isn't trying to betray Fumiko. He cares about her... more than anything! He just…- he's not a confrontational person. He doesn't like these sorts of things. He can hardly choose a favorite season, much less a favorite friend! Of course he refused to take a stance! But… not taking a stance… sometimes that is a stance in and of itself, and something tells him Makoto'd took the wrong one.

...After all, it's all for him or against him. There just can't be an in-between.

Not with people like Yanagisawa.

"I hope you two can make up soon," he says. "...I'll… try my best to help him come to his senses. Make him realize that… that…" he pauses. "Well… that he's giving up something really important."

"If you ask me," Fumiko says. "I think he already has. I don't know if we can ever fix things now."

She skips another stone.

Kiyoshi's eyes drift towards the ground. His fingers clench.

"I'm sorry," he says. "That I ruined this for you."

Fumiko grimaces, but shakes her head. "...Wouldn't be the first thing you broke beyond repair."

Squirming uncomfortably, Kiyoshi reaches out for his own rock. He bounces it in his hand, before lifting an arm up over his head and sending it rocketing across the water.

Fumiko flinches- almost on instinct. Before she can even process what she's doing, she's got her hands up over her forehead in some sort of meager effort to protect herself. By the time she realizes he hadn't even been aiming at her, she's close to tears… jaw clenched tight.

"I- shit. Sorry," Kiyoshi says. "I didn't realize that would look like a - I didn't mean to scare you. Are you alright?"

Fumiko's silent for a moment- looking horribly embarrassed. Then, just as soon as she'd flinched, she averts her gaze and returns to that intimidating, larger-than-life posture.

"...Yeah," she says. "I'm fine. Just… don't do that again. Like I told you: no sudden movements."

Kiyoshi wants to make a case for himself… say 'I really hadn't thought it would come across that way,' or 'you'd been doing it, too...' but he just as soon decides against it. His intent doesn't exactly matter right now. Harmless behavior or not, she really had just thought he was going to hit her.

(...She feels that goddamn unsafe around him.)

"Okay," he says. "I won't."

"And for the record: it doesn't make me feel any better to hear you shittalking him. I already know Makoto's a jackass. But when you say it it just… sounds hollow. Like you're taking out that dumb grudge you had on him."

"No. It's not...- I don't have a grudge," Kiyoshi responds.

It feels like Fumiko is hyper-analyzing his every move. Anything and everything he says is being taken the wrong way. And it's pretty damn horrible to experience. He reminds himself not to fault her, however. He knows that harshness has to come from a place of distrust.

(...After all, there was once a time when every word of his masked an ulterior motive.)

"I just… want to make sure you know you're right. That's all," he says. "To not want Makoto to associate with me. To not want to be anywhere around me yourself. I'd be pissed, too, if I was in your shoes."

"Which is fine and dandy, but I don't exactly need validation from you," Fumiko says. "...I already know I'm right."

She stares out towards the lakeside, uncomfortably poking at the spot above her collarbone.

"Well… either way. It can be nice to receive validation," Kiyoshi says.

Fumiko's quiet for another long moment. She skips a rock, then another.

"...We're avoiding the real conversation topic here, aren't we?"

"Are we?" Kiyoshi asks.

"I don't want to talk about how Makoto fucked me over. It's - it's stupid. It's whatever. But what happened between us… that was different." She pauses. "You really wanna talk closure, Kiyoshi? Give me some answers? Fine, then. Because I've got this - there's this stupid question my mind keeps wandering back to. And I want to hear the answer. From you. I know it's just going to upset me no matter what you say. But I- I think I... I have to hear it. For my sake. Otherwise, this is always going to bother me."

"And I don't - I'm not interested in hearing excuses from you. I'm not asking this because I want to hear some - if you give me a tragic backstory I think I will drown you in this lake right here and now. It's not about that. I guess it's just- if I don't make sure, then… some stupid, weak, pathetic part of me will always think what happened to me was my fault. Not yours. That… I was the one who did that to myself."

Kiyoshi frowns deeply. "...Of course you didn't do that to yourself. What is it you want to know?"

"Why?" Fumiko asks. "Why did you do that to me? What did you get out of it? Was it something I did wrong? Or was it just… was it just-?" she pauses. "...Was it just that you enjoyed making me feel that way?"

Kiyoshi thinks that over for a minute. Honestly, he's still trying to figure that out himself.

"Well… it wasn't enjoyment. At least… I mean- I don't think so. Sometimes that mindset still feels alien to me. It was more… like- it was like… a power thing I guess. That and a lack of self-restraint. I'd like - I'd get mad and I'd lash out… and I wouldn't even really think about it at first. But then I'd see how people reacted to me and it felt good. I guess in that way it was sort of enjoyment. But it was- it was more- like - I don't know. It wasn't fun enjoyment. It made things easier. It made people more 'obedient.' Like... 'they won't hesitate to listen to me in the future if I beat it into them.'"

It sounds horrible to even say. But it's the truth, isn't it? That's really, truly how he thought about people. And that's really, truly how he perceived himself... someone who deserved to have things 'easy,' no matter the cost.

"I know that probably sounds fucking sick-"

"Uh. Yeah. It does," Fumiko retorts.

"But I don't- I'm not trying to make up excuses. I don't feel that way anymore. I just… you asked… and…-" Kiyoshi drifts off.

"...It was awfully easy for you to get back in that mindset."

Kiyoshi flinches.

"This sucks, you know. Like… this sucks for me. I know I asked for it… coming here to talk to you. And I deserve it. I am that guy after all. It's not like - it's not like I can blame you for being mad. But… shit, Fumiko. It really hurts when you say that stuff. I just - I want us to get some closure, and you're psychoanalyzing my every move. You've got… you've got all these walls up. You're making it really hard."

Fumiko looks troubled for a moment, before returning to that tense, angry posture. "I mean… what else am I supposed to do? I'm not just going to - I'm not going to take these things you say at face value."

"And I get that! Good! It means you've grown! But… if you want answers, at least let me speak. You can decide for yourself later whether you want to believe them or not."

Fumiko opens her mouth to speak, but falls silent. She turns to the side, shoulders sinking.

"...Go on," she says.

"I want you to… I want you to feel safe," Kiyoshi says. "And I know that's - that is literally impossible while I'm here. But… like… if it helps any, I really don't feel that way. I really don't want to hurt you. And I don't get why- I don't get why that's a bad thing to believe. It's not like you feel the same way Aguri did. She thought I was, like, a saint. People change."

"It's… it's a bad thing to believe because then everyone's going to- you're going to want vindication. You're going to go 'I'm different now! So why does it matter!? Why can't you just be nice to me!?' And that's… that's..." she clenches her fist. "...That's so much harder."

"Fumiko," Kiyoshi says. "I don't want 'vindication.' Honestly, I think I'd feel like shit if I got it. I agree with you. I don't think you owe me a second chance! Which doesn't mean I don't - I am going to miss you with all of my heart… but you have every right to feel that way. Screw what Makoto says! I don't have to be - I don't have to be some supervillain now for you to hate me. This can just be my past catching up with me - coming to bite me in the ass. That's okay, too."

"...At the very least," he says. "It might make you feel safer. I don't have… I don't have any reason to want revenge on you. If I secretly wanted to hurt you, why would I have told you any of this in the first place? Wouldn't I be, like, scheming in the shadows?"

"I- I don't know!" Fumiko hisses. "Maybe it's not even like - maybe I'm not scared of revenge for 'then!' Maybe I'm scared of revenge for now! For saying 'no' to you! I know how you take that shit! It has to have pissed you off! I guess I'm scared you...- you just said you're going to miss me. And before any time I tried to take one of your toys away… any time I tried to leave, you… you…-" She bites her lip. "...Well, you made me regret it."

"And that wasn't fair," Kiyoshi says. "I'll say that a thousand times, even if you won't believe me."

Fumiko's quiet for a long moment. She blinks fast, before shutting her eyes tight. Her face twists into a grimace.

"Actually… no. Scratch that," she says. "You know what I really think? You know why I think you told me who you are? I think the reason you told me is just that you knew it could hurt me more than anything. More than any harsh words or physical attack... you knew it would break my heart… to make me trust you, then tear it all away."

She looks so small… sitting there, close to tears. But Kiyoshi hardly knows what to say. She won't believe him if he tells her that's simply not true. That much is obvious. And it's not like… he can't just- he can't just tell her he cares! She just said it herself-! That's the thing hurting the both of them most! She doesn't want kind words! She doesn't expect them! She…-

"It wasn't just you, you know."

Fumiko pauses. Slowly… her face unscrunches. She gives him a skeptical look. But he'll take that. He'll take that any day over seeing her close to tears.

"What do you mean?"

"...It wasn't just you. That I treated that way," Kiyoshi says. "You think I have this like - this grand revenge scheme plotted out against you... but I hated everyone. I treated everyone like garbage. You weren't… you weren't alone." He sighs. "I know… I know that probably doesn't make you feel any better-"

"Of course it doesn't make me feel any better!" she admits, anger returning to her tone. "It just means you ruined dozens of other people's futures!"

"But it does mean you weren't special," Kiyoshi responds. "That you weren't - you weren't some exception. I treated everyone like that. Why would I seek you specifically out to hurt you?"

Fumiko's quiet for a long moment, but she doesn't give him an answer.

Kiyoshi frowns.

"Your future's not ruined, by the way. Like… just for the record."

Fumiko shifts slightly.

"You don't get to decide that."

"...I know," Kiyoshi says. "And I'm not trying to...- I don't want to absolve blame. But I'm just saying there are… there are so many things you can still do. You are such a bright person, Fumiko. Don't give me…" he pauses. "...Don't give a shitty person like me that power over you."

"Mmm," Fumiko admits, resting her cheek on her palm. "...Maybe you're right. Maybe that's not very fair to myself. There are still a lot of things I think I can do, even without you." There's a sudden iciness to her tone. "But you know who's future really is gone? Forever and ever?"

Kiyoshi's quiet, but speaks up nevertheless.

"Who?"

"...The person Aguri was back then," Fumiko says. "...I'm here now. What I choose to do is up to me. But she's always gonna be a little gone. And you're always going to have killed her. You're just going to have to live with that."

"Yeah," Kiyoshi says, an exhaustion to his tone. "You're right, too."

"And either way…" Fumiko says. "I still don't want to hear 'you still have a future' from you. It might be true, but… you don't… you don't…-" she drifts off. "You just don't get the right to say that."

She grabs another stone. She stares at it, as if contemplating throwing it, before deciding against it. She places it back by her side, before picking at the grass instead.

"I don't think that's entirely true, either," she admits. "That stuff about hurting other people. I mean… you did. A lot. But there was always something different between us, wasn't there?" She frowns. "I was your favorite."

"Well… I don't know if favorite is the best word for-"

"Fine. Your least favorite. Your go-to. Your whatever you want to call it. Is now really the best time for linguistics?"

"No," Kiyoshi admits. "Go on."

"Whenever you wanted to take your anger out on someone… I was the first person you'd go to," Fumiko says. "Every single time... without fail. More than your coworkers, more than your family, more than your literal hostage... it was me. Why?"

There's a sense of anger growing in her tone. But as she continues to speak it grows more and more erratic. Unhinged. Desperate

"Yeah. You know what? That's what I really want to know. Not why did you do that… but why did you do that to me? Out of everyone on the planet , what did I really do to upset you so much?" She throws her hands in the air. "Why, despite me hardly knowing you, did you buy me just to bring me into that situation? Was I- did I?" Her voice cracks. She bats at her eyes as she speaks. "I had never done anything to you! I was never anything but nice to you! I thought we could have been friends!" She drifts off… turning away to mask a grimace as she speaks... "Is that… is that why?"

"Was I just… was I just an easy target?"

She's got her back turned to him now… too stubborn to let him see her cry. But she quivers as she speaks. She hiccups softly, then curls her arms tight around her knees.

"Why are you even here right now, Kiyoshi?" she asks. "Do you really feel bad? Or do you… do you…" she sputters for breath. "Do you think I still am?"

There's been a sense of flippancy to her demeanor all throughout this conversation. She'll be sad for a moment… then return to that anger. Trust in his word for a moment... then pull away. It's hard to get a sense of what she's really feeling. But sitting here… with her back turned to him as she tries not to cry, Kiyoshi thinks he finally sees the reality of what it is Fumiko is feeling right now.

Because... it's not that… it's not that she's not angry. She is. And she has every right to be. But that anger… those harsh words… they spring from something vulnerable... pathetic-feeling, don't they? Fumiko's not lashing out. She's… she's…

Oh my god. She's just trying to protect herself-!

(He tells himself to remember this Fumiko, no matter what it is she says next.)

"I… I…" Kiyoshi drifts off. He briefly considers leaving just then and there. This isn't helping either of them. But just as soon as he considers it he decides against it. N… no. If he wants to bolt he should at least ask her first. He promised closure. He'd... he'd hate to stay if he's making her feel horrible- but he can't just leave! She's distraught enough as is!

"Of course not, Fumiko!" he says. "You're not…- I think you are an incredibly strong person! And I think - I think you are handling this in the smartest way you can! I know it might feel like I'm here to prey on that sadness, but I'm not! I'm not! You deserve so much better than that!"

"It's not about what I deserve!" Fumiko shouts back, back still turned. "Of course I didn't deserve that, Kotaro! That much is fucking obvious! But I'm not asking about what I deserved! I'm asking objectively! Am! I! An! Easy! Target!?"

"No!" Kiyoshi responds. "And if… if I'm making you feel that way, I'll go right now! I didn't - my intent in coming here was never to make things harder on you! I can leave! Right now! If you want-! I'll… I'll-"

"NO!" Fumiko whips around, grabbing at his wrist. She lays pathetically... half-sprawled out on the grass… and tearstained face finally out in the open for the both of them to see. She struggles for breath, letting out a low, pathetic hiccup.

"...Don't go. At least let me know first."

Kiyoshi's mouth falls open. His hand shivers as she speaks.

"You had such an easy time getting back into that mindset," she whimpers. "Earlier… when I asked you why you behaved that way in the first place. I've been worrying about it… ever since I remembered those things. And so please… even if you don't believe it now! Let me know! I never want to feel that way again!"

There's a sheer desperation to her tone. Even terrified… even shaking as she speaks… she clings to him… begging for that last shred of closure.

(Suddenly he's relieved and regretting he came here all at once.

But if she really meant it when she said she'd think about it for the rest of her life if she didn't get an answer... then...)

"...It's not going to make you feel any better," he admits.

"That's okay," she says. "Even if it's stupid - even if it's terrible, I'll take anything over it just being something wrong with me! I'll take anything over there being a possibility of that happening to me again! I…-"

She pauses.

"...I'm scared, Kiyoshi."

"Fine, then," Kiyoshi says, really thinking on it. "I'll… I'll say what I think. But I just want you to know… I want you to know this isn't me trying to make up excuses. I want you to know this isn't me trying to monger up sympathy from you, and I want you to know this isn't me trying to get in your head. This is just… well… I think all I want to do right now is help this hurt you just a little less."

"I don't think you were weak. And I don't think you were an easy target. I had a reason behind what I did. A big… anticlimactic, unsatisfying and unfair reason. I treated you that way... brought you into that situation… and hated you so much... because... well... I think... I think-"

He pauses.

"Honestly, I think I just wished I was you."

Fumiko's reaction is unreadable. Tensing slightly, Kiyoshi continues onward.

"It's not that…- I don't think there was some fatal flaw that made you easy to hu- There was nothing wrong with you. You didn't do anything! Who am I kidding!? You were perfect! And I… I fucking hated that." He falls silent, gently removing Fumiko's hand from his wrist. He scoots away from her... not sure if he's distancing himself for his sake or hers. "...You were nice to everyone. You were happy. And… and… you were passionate about what you did. As someone who'd… someone who'd never felt that...- someone who was empty and bitter inside, I just wanted to feel that way more than anything."

"And… I couldn't. I didn't even try. Because that required depending on other people, and I thought I was so above that. I thought I was so above you, but I was so jealous of you at the same time. It confused me. And it scared me. And so I thought 'well, if I can't feel that way, then she can't either.' 'If I can't have that, then at least the both of us can drown together.'"

Slowly... understanding dawns on Fumiko's face. Her expression twists as she wipes at her nose. And in an instant, sheer rage seems to ignite in her eyes.

"That's it!?"

Kiyoshi's silent.

"You ruined my life because it seemed too good to you!? You had no idea what I was going through! Damn right I was passionate about what I did! It was because it was the first time I could be! I spent my entire childhood worrying about other people!" She crumbles to the ground, hunched over on her knees. " And the moment - the fucking moment I finally got the chance to do something for myself I got put in charge of worrying about you!? Because things were 'too easy' for me!? Because I was 'too happy!?' What the fuck is wrong with you!? "

"I… I…-" Kiyoshi's on the verge of throwing up. What is he supposed to say!? There's no satisfying answer for-

"You took me away from my baby sister because of THAT!?"

...He knows it's the truth… what he said. Yanagisawa was someone who wallowed in his misery. And the only thing that gave him respite, even for a brief moment was bringing other people down to his level. Because he was the best of the best. And if he didn't deserve to feel content, then no-one fucking did.

(Seriously!? SERIOUSLY!? 'What's wrong with you?' is damn right!)

Fumiko's long-since given up any pretense of remaining composed... much less threatening. Clawing at the ground… snot runs down her face. She sobs and whimpers, hiccuping... gasping as she struggles for breath.

Aguri had been so hard to 'break.' He supposes that had been the reason he'd hated her the most. No matter what he did to her- how he treated her, she'd greet him each day with a smile. How!? Why!? Why wouldn't she just feel what it was he was feeling!?

(...Turns out she already had. And for a long, long time.)

'This is what you wanted, Kotaro,' Kiyoshi thinks, sitting there watching her weep. 'This is what you fought for. With everything you fucking had. How is it? Was it worth it? Do you finally feel good?'

...No! Of course not!

He just feels sick! He just feels upset! He doesn't know what changed! He doesn't know why he is the person he is today, or even why he's here at all! But he knows he doesn't want this! Even if he used to! Because - because there was something wrong with him! And because he was happy up until recently! With Makoto! With Fumiko! This isn't catharsis! This is the opposite of it!

(...Why is he only just realizing that now?)

"Yeah," he admits, quiet. "...Over that. It was really that shallow."

"Well! You got what you wanted!" Fumiko growls. "You're everything you ever wanted to be! Everything you were so jealous of! You're shitty... and pathetic! And worry constantly! And let people walk all over you! How does it fucking feel!? Is it good!? Are you finally satisfied!?"

"Of course not, Fumiko," Kiyoshi says with a frown. "...And you shouldn't talk about Aguri that way. Or... or me. But mostly Aguri." He pauses. "I told you myself: I don't still - I'd never feel that way . I don't even understand it anymore! And that's why...- I'm not trying to make up excuses in telling you! I think what happened is just as horrible as you d-"

"No! You don't!" Fumiko cries, reaching out to grab him by his collar. "You will never understand how horrible this is for me!" She pulls him in tight, mustering up a facsimile of a glare. "You weren't special! You weren't different! Everyone is unhappy! Everyone is jealous!" She hyperventilates, closing her eyes tight. "No-one else treats people that way!"

"Do you know what I'd DO for what you have!?" She gasps. "Your perfect life! Your perfect family! Your parents who love you!? You live in a wonderful home… in a suburban little neighborhood… with a fucking dog! You have never once been told 'no!' You have never once been told you're not allowed to be yourself! You have had the world handed to you! And you know what I got!? After everything the world already put me through!?"

"I have been abused all my life! M… manipulated… and… and told I'm not good enough. Constantly! I have never gotten the chance to be myself! I have been miserable as long as I can remember!"

She throws her hands in the air. "And I never once took it out on you! I was happy for you! I was happy you didn't have to live through that! Why couldn't you have extended that same kindness to me!?"

Kiyoshi scoots away from her grip, eyes drifting towards the ground. "I… I… don't know."

"You don't even deserve this!" Fumiko continues. "You! Yanagisawa! Why do you get the perfect life!? What have you done to deserve it!? You have never once cared about another human being, and you get the Karasumas as parents!? While I just get to sit over here being abused!? While Korosensei fights just for scraps!? Why!? WHY!? It hurts me! So bad! To see you have everything I've ever wanted! And to think - to think you dangled happiness in front of me... just for a moment, only to take it away! WHY!? It's not fair!"

She's lowered her head to the ground again. Her words have begun to grow incoherent.

"I thought I was finally happy! I thought I was finally safe!"

Kiyoshi's at a loss for words. More than anything he wants to run and grab her tissues… give her a comforting smile, and put a blanket over her shoulders. But there's no doing that here. And there's no easy way out, either. He's left alone with his words. And… well… he's never been good with those.

"You… you can be safe," he decides on. "...You're right. You're not right now… with people like me and your parents around. But you can be. And… and you will be one day. Happy, too." He pauses. "I'm sorry if it feels like… I'm sorry if it feels like I gave you false hope. And… I'm sorry if I'm what made you happy for a little bit. I really didn't know. I have no way to prove that to you, but I swear on my life. I didn't."

"And… I know I don't deserve this. I know it should be you in my shoes right now. I know it's not fair. Please don't accuse me of not, Fumiko. I have thought about it so much… how I don't deserve this life I have."

Which… isn't to say his life has been free of strife. He was born with some of the most debilitating mental issues on the planet, and up until recently his parents have never been there. His Mom just blew up overseas, and after a lifetime of thinking he'd never be happy… he, too, finally had that happiness dangled in front of his face, only to wake up one day and realize that was never meant for him.

...Honestly. He and Fumiko are similar in a lot of ways. They both have some sort of great expectation to live up to. And they both think they're not good enough… for their families or for themselves. They'd found solidarity in that, even despite their differences. To say anything less would be doing a disservice to all they've fought through together.

But he knows that's not what Fumiko needs to hear right now. 'I've had it hard too' is selfish at best. Because while suffering isn't a competition… his… his…-

...Well, his life must look a lot brighter than hers' right now.

"I don't… think there's a fairness to this sort of stuff," he admits. "I mean… I've thought about it so much ever since this first all came to light. There's no such thing as fair punishm- I don't think karmic retribution exists. A very smart person told me that. And I agree. I'm not being punished the way I should be. And… you're not being rewarded the way you should be rewarded. That's… that's just how life is. And it sucks. "

"It sucks!? It sucks!?" Fumiko whimpers. "It's… it's horrible! Do you know what you should be going through right now!?"

"No," Kiyoshi admits. "I'm never going to know what you went through, and I'm never going to know what I could go through that could possibly make it right. Hell… I'm starting to think nothing could. Maybe… that's why I'm not being punished. Because nothing could possibly be worse than just having to live with it. I don't know, Fumiko."

"But I do know what you should be going through right now, and it is not this. You deserve so much better. And… I'm sorry I managed to make this harder on you than it already was. I'm sorry you haven't been treated the way you should have been treated. And… I'm sorr y the world won't just give that to you. If I could change things… if I could trade places, then you know I would."

"...But… I can't. None of us can. We're stuck with what we're born with, whether that's fair or not." He pauses. "And… and I'm not - I'm not trying to say that to sound unempathetic. I'm not trying to be some smartass - I don't think I'm above it all! I don't think the world being unfair is just an excuse to be content with that! But I don't… I dont…" he drifts off. "Sometimes I just don't know what we can do."

"So then what!?" Fumiko asks. "I'm just supposed to always feel this way!? I have done everything - everything for other people, and you're telling me that's meaningless!? That- that it'll never come back to me!? What's the point then!? All I wanted to do was live a peaceful life! But what if the world won't give it to me, Kiyoshi!? What if I'm always surrounded by people who make me feel this way!? I don't want to be trapped! I want to be happy! I want to be happy…-"

She's long since given up on looking his way. She sobs into the grass, letting out a high pitched, pathetic hiccup.

Kiyoshi shifts slightly.

"Well… I think it's our job to give that to each other." He pauses. "Not me and you. I mean… not specifically. But… people as a whole. It's easy to say we don't have anything looking out for us. After all… horrible things happen to good people all the time, and bad people constantly get off scot-free. But… we have each other too, don't we?"

"I know you don't want me in your life anymore. And that's fair. But during a time when I felt really alone, you gave me company." He pauses. "As… as the person I am now, I mean. And I will… I will always appreciate that. You… uh… taught me a lot of things about myself. And you taught me I could be the person I wanted to be, even if you want to take that away now."

"That's why… I want to do right by you. Because… because the universe hasn't, and because I've failed you a thousand goddamn times, too. And… uh… I don't know how to do that. But if… if there's anything I can ever do for you… please, just let me know."

"I don't intend to segway myself back into your life. I promised you I'd go, and I'll stick to that. But if you ever need a hand- money - a favor - anything… I'm there for you. And then… I'll go again. I just don't want to see you keep living like this. All those things you said… about wanting to get out of this place… become someone you can be proud of… they make me so happy to hear. I want you to thrive, Fumiko."

"I want you to be able to live out the dreams I stole from you."

Fumiko continues to weep. She bats at her eyes and shakes her head, whispering "I don't know if I can," over and over… like a mantra. Then… curling in up tight to her knees, she whispers "Do you know how much harder you're making this on me?"

...Kiyoshi's silent.

"No. Answer me, Kiyoshi," she says, louder this time. "Do you understand just how much it hurts to hear you say those things?" She covers her face with her hands, gasping for breath. "I have fought so hard to feel the way I do about you today. Do you understand that… that when you talk to me that way… you make me doubt all of that?"

"This would be so much easier if you could just be mean to me."

"...Fumiko. That's not at all my intentio-"

"If you were just cruel at least I could believe myself! At least I could justify it! But I… I hear you saying these empathetic, wonderful things and I doubt myself. I doubt the way I feel and I doubt what I went through. I'm left to think… 'What if it really wasn't that bad?' 'What if he felt this way back then?' '...What if I'm the bad guy?'"

"And I don't- I don't…- It's so hard to know if you're saying these things because you mean them. Or… or because you just want to get into my head. And I don't know which is worse! At least if you were just - just some evil thing. I could hate you. But you're not… you're not acting evil, at least. You're just acting like a person. And that scares me."

"Because it either means I'm this close to getting tricked again, or it really means I hate you just a little bit too late."

"...I'm not trying to trick you," Kiyoshi promises.

"And do you know how infuriating that is!?" Fumiko asks. "Do you know how much I… - I almost wish you would!? At least then I could hate you! But this…- this is so much worse! Look at me crying in front of you! I fucking hate myself for it! Why can't you just- just do something to solidify it in my mind!? Why can't you just act like back then, even for a moment!?"

'I could hate you,' she says, and that gives Kiyoshi pause.

...Because that means she doesn't. Even if she wants to.

"Because I don't want to, Fumiko. Even if it would make things easier for you, I'm not going to hurt you. You're important to me." Kiyoshi drifts off, sending a glance towards where she sits curled up on the grass. "...Besides, something tells me that's not really what you want, either."

Fumiko buries her face in her arm. "I know," she whimpers. "I don't wanna be hurt. I don't want you to hurt me again! I don't want to be a victim! I just…- I just want it to be easy. If you were some flat, two-dimensional menace, it would be. But you're not. You're just… you're just…" she drifts off.

"...Kiyoshi?"

"Yeah," she says bitterly. "You haven't changed one bit since you told me. You're just Kiyoshi."

She bites down on her lip so hard Kiyoshi fears she might just draw blood.

"When you're already someone like me… it's so so hard to convince yourself you were wronged. It's so hard to just leave! I wish I could just - I wish I could just run away! Forget you! But when you - when you act this way… you make me think those little moments we had were real. Do you know how much that hurts?"

"Well… it's up to you to decide if they were real to you or not," Kiyoshi admits. "You're allowed to look back on our friendship fondly. That doesn't mean you have to look back on me fondly. At least… I don't think so." He pauses. "I want to think it's possible. To… to be able to see someone as a full person with strengths and faults, but still have the power to admit they hurt you. To walk away. Harder, maybe, but not impossible."

"I told you myself. I'm not talking to you right now because I want to earn your forgiveness, much less because I want to cause conflict for you. I'm just… trying to do what's right... even if you don't expect that of me. You're still allowed to go, even if me acting that way is in the past." He pauses. "Who cares how long it's been? I still hurt you. And besides… just because I'm doing the right thing today doesn't mean I'm guaranteed to do the right thing tomorrow."

"...I could still screw up, Fumiko. Bigtime. And I'm… I'm doing everything in my power not to, but that doesn't mean you have to take that risk. I know it's hard. To leave situations like this. But you can. I'm giving you permission."

"And I will," Fumiko says. "I don't need your damn permission. I will." She pauses, some of that conviction fading from her tone. "At least… I think."

Kiyoshi's quiet for a long moment.

"You think?"

Fumiko looks defensive, suddenly.

"Yeah," she says. "I think." Her shoulders lower. "...Listen: I'm still getting a lot of stuff figured out, okay? So... yeah. I think."

...Kiyoshi doesn't respond.

The two of them are quiet for a long while. Fumiko sits up slightly. She doesn't stop crying, but she does manage to stop sobbing. She picks absentmindedly at the grass, keeping her puffy, red face turned away as always.

Kiyoshi's left to think. He hates the silence, but there's hardly much he can even say. He sincerely doubts she wants to hear about him right now, after all.

"...Have you talked to Shiota-sensei about all of this?" He decides on.

Fumiko looks up towards him, surprised. Just as soon, however, she regains focus and averts her gaze.

"No. Not yet," she admits. "...Too complicated. He doesn't even know I'm Aguri."

"What about Akari?" Kiyoshi asks. "I'm sure she has to know by now."

"No," Fumiko replies. "Not yet." She sighs. "I didn't know what on earth you'd do to me if the news got out. And besides… I guess it just… frightened me."

"Me?" Kiyoshi asks. "I don't want you to, but I'm not going to hurt you if you tell them. I don't want to control you with fea-"

"No. Not you," Fumiko says, irritated. "Well… yes, you. But that's not it." She pauses. "I guess I was just scared she'd see 'this' you, too."

Kiyoshi frowns. "'This' me?"

"You know! The - the whole kind, empathetic thing. She's known you for... like... your whole goddamn life. And because of that I started to think… that maybe she wouldn't believe me. That maybe she wouldn't take my side. Maybe she'd tell me she was disappointed in me." She pauses, letting out a low whimper. "...Maybe she'd choose you over me, too." She wipes at her eyes, shaking her head. "...I don't think I could bear to hear it from my little sister. There was no way I could take the risk."

Kiyoshi shifts slightly. It's funny… he'd been sitting here with the opposite inhibition. He'd been so, so convinced Kayano would throw him the curb if she found out... but Fumiko's been afraid she'd abandon her? In what world?

"No… no," Kiyoshi says. "Akari loves you."

"And I know that," Fumiko says. "Like. Objectively. I just - I'm scared of screwing it up. I'm… scared of her loving me less. And… I guess I'm scared of her seeing I'm not as similar to Aguri as she thought I was."

"...She won't care about that," Kiyoshi says. "She's just happy you're alive. There's no way she'd choose me over you. She, like, hated my guts, man."

"Yeah. She did," Fumiko admits. "Even before I died she was looking for any possible reason to tell me to get the hell out of there. She'd have hit you with a damn car if she got the chance. Probably would have reveled in it." She snorts. "...But… she loves Kiyoshi, too. Even if she hates… that guy. And besides, what does 'hated' matter? After all… Makoto hated you too, didn't he?"

...Damn right he hated him. He still remembers it vividly… all the times they faced off against one another. Looking back on it, he thinks he might be the only person Korosensei truly hated. He was a kind soul… patient with everyone. At least… once he took up that name. Korosensei was a reinvention of 'Reaper;' and Korosensei was a person filled with love.

Yanagisawa was the only person who could bring out that old side of him. The murderer - the assassin. Kiyoshi still remembers it… the way Korosensei's face had curled into a snarl as he'd spotted Itona's tentacles... and the pitch-black hatred in those eyes as Yanagisawa had laughed at Kayano's demise. That hatred that had never once faded, even as Korosensei sent him tumbling through the barrier and off towards an unfortunate end.

Fumiko's got a similar sort of hate in her eyes now. Although... somehow Kiyoshi doesn't feel it's even entirely directed at him. She fidgets with her hands, absentmindedly picking at her collarbone… shoots him a wounded look. He can still remember the way her expression had fallen when he'd said Makoto was okay with him. In hindsight, he regrets those words.

He'd just thought… he'd just thought…-

...That if Korosensei could forgive, Aguri could, too.

"He… really hurt your feelings, didn't he?" he asks softly. "...Makoto. When he made this decision."

"Of course he did!" Fumiko replies, almost in disbelief. "He- like - he took my heart and he smashed it into a thousand tiny pieces! I thought…- I guess I just thought I was the most important person to him. Like…" she pauses. "Well, like he was to me. But… it turns out he's not. He chose you." She's quiet for a long moment. Clenches her jaw. "...I guess that just goes to show what sort of person he really is."

Kiyoshi's almost inclined to refute that. Tell her that… he's sure she's very important to Makoto, too. But he knows that's not what she needs to hear right now. Just like she doesn't need to hear 'you deserve so much better than that.' She already knows. And besides… even if 'I guess that just goes to show what sort of person he really is' is what she says, the sadness in her voice almost seems to say 'I guess that just goes to show all the things I'm not.'

...Not 'good enough for him.' Not 'nice.' Not 'complacent,' and not 'easy to swallow.' Fumiko's brave. She's headstrong. She's hurting.

"I… hope you can trust again one day."

Kiyoshi's not even sure why he says it. Fumiko turns his way, giving him a bewildered, defensive, look.

"Not- not me," he quickly specifies. "...Shit. I would never mean me." He averts his gaze, awkwardly picking at a seam on his shirt cuff. "But… like… the rest of the world." It starts to unravel, but he still doesn't look at Fumiko. He hopes his dad won't mind him ruining it.

She lets out a low, unimpressed huff.

"...You said you didn't tell anyone, right?" Kiyoshi asks. "And… not because you're trying to protect me. Because you're scared... that Shiota-sensei will abandon you. Or Akabane-san. Or your sister. And I guess… I guess that's just terrible to me."

"You used to trust everyone," he admits. "...And… uh…- it's clear that wasn't for the best all the time. But… it could also be a good thing. When you were dealing with people who weren't like me. When you were dealing with Reaper. When you were dealing with the E-Class. I think… that sort of belief really gave people the faith they needed in a time when they didn't have much at all."

"And… well… I do think as much as it hurt you, it helped you too. Having people you could believe in. They gave you strength. And… they gave you someone to confide in. I… promise there are still all sorts of people like that for you out there, even if… Makoto's not. The world is… good, mostly. People are good. I don't want you to have to face the rest of your life alone just because some jackass betrayed your trust this time."

"You'll have other chances. And you'll have other people... who won't do that to you. Please don't give up that beautiful worldview because of me. It was always the thing I admired about you most."

He's quiet for a long moment. "As… as Kiyoshi, I mean. As Yanagisawa, I don't think I admired you much at all."

Now that makes Fumiko snort.

"Trust me; I know," she says almost snidely. Her posture shifts slightly. Slowly… her shoulders lower. She forces a halfhearted smile. "...But… you're right. I don't want to lose that part of myself. And I certainly don't want to lose it because of you. I'll… try my damndest not to. But I think I just need time. I think I'm scared right now. I've been burned too recently to convince myself it won't happen again."

"That's fair," Kiyoshi says. "...I can put a good word in for you, if you want." He pauses. "I mean… tell Akari and co myself. And tell them… I want them to have your back. That… I'll hate them if they don't. That… I want them to do what's right, even if Makoto won't, at least."

"...You don't need to do that," Fumiko says. "I'd much rather tell them myself. And besides. When they do make that decision… I want them to make it because they really care about me. Not under the fear of threats."

"I'm sure they will," Kiyoshi says. "...They love you, you know."

"Yeah," Fumiko says quietly. "I know."

"I haven't been coming over to their place," Kiyoshi admits. "Feels too weird. Ingenuine. So you don't need to like… worry about running into me if you want t-"

"No," Fumiko says. "...I don't intend to come over either way." She frowns. "I know Makoto needs shelter even more than I do. He like, lives on the streets for Christ's sake. I'm not going to take that away from him. But I also… really, really don't want to see him right now."

"That's okay."

...It's funny. Fumiko can tell him she hates Makoto, but he doesn't believe it for a minute. She shifts slightly as she speaks about his situation... frowns... blinks away tears. It's not that she doesn't care, is it?

It's just that she's convinced she's not cared about back.

"You're a good friend," he admits. "To still want to protect him, even now."

Fumiko looks almost flustered. Pouting, she turns her head to the side.

"Yeah… well… I try," she says. "...I know how much it hurts when someone you thought loved you doesn't want that for you. Even if he's a jackass, I don't think I could ever wish that on him."

"I mean… at least… I think so." She shakes her head. "...I don't know. It's weird. I guess some part of me wants this to come back to bite him in the ass. For you to hurt him. Prove I was right or whatever. But then I think about it… like… really think about it, and I think I hate the thought of that just as much as me being wrong, too. I don't want you to hurt h- I don't want anyone to hurt him! I want what's best for him, even if that's stupid and petty and naive... and even if feeling that way makes me feel like shit." She pauses. "...I guess more than anything I just want to feel vindicated. I guess I just want to be right."

"Well… you are… in some ways," Kiyoshi admits with a shrug. "You're right to feel this way. I'm not going to tell you you're not. But you are wrong... About this coming back to bite him in the ass. I could never hurt Makoto. He's important to me, too. And I promise… I'll do everything in my power to be as kind to him as I can. For his sake and yours."

Fumiko's quiet for a long moment.

"...Mmm. Thanks."

"I wish there was more I could do for you," Kiyoshi admits. "I hate seeing you lonely."

"I'm not lonely," Fumiko replies, though quickly reconsiders. "Or… well… maybe I am. I'm not sure about that, either. I think I'm happy with my decision. At least… I want to be confident in it. But it hurts sometimes. A lot."

"And… I can't say it'll ever stop hurting. That's not my place. But I'm sure… it'll hurt at least a little less someday," Kiyoshi says. "...You'll find new friends. Even if you think we didn't treat you right..." he pauses. "...And we honestly didn't … there'll be people who will. You're a wonderful person, Fumiko. Kind. Funny. Comfortable to be around. I don't see who wouldn't want you in their life." He shakes his head. "And besides… it's not like you'll have to worry about them betraying you. You've already found me, haven't you? Crossed that one off your bucket list? Now that I'm out of the way… well…" He gives a halfhearted smile, as if posing a joke. "You don't got any more secret Yanagisawas to worry about."

Fumiko laughs. It's a short, quick thing...- A bark, almost. For just an instant she looks comfortable… smiles, even. But just as soon as it's happened, she draws back. She remembers what's going on, and she frowns.

"...I hate that you can still make me laugh," she admits.

"Don't blame yourself," Kiyoshi says. "...We were friends for a long time. You're still getting used to the fact that… the fact that…-" he drifts off. "...Well… the fact that we're not anymore."

Fumiko scoots away again. She hesitates... before throwing another stone. It skims across the lakeside, before sinking with a splash and disappearing from sight. He's not sure if it's just his imagination, but somehow there seems to be less force behind her throw.

The sunset is reflecting off of the lake. There's a glow to Fumiko's hair and a sadness to her eyes as she glances towards him just briefly... t imidly.

"...I miss you sometimes, you know."

(An aquaphobe dipping their feet into the water, then just as soon reeling back.)

Kiyoshi does a double-take. For a second, he thinks she's screwing with him. But then he sees her yanking at the grass… scattering it by her side, and he reconsiders.

There's a shame to her tone.

"...You do?"

"Don't get the wrong idea," Fumiko says. "I'm not saying that to make you feel better. And I'm not saying that because I'm okay with what you did. But… yeah. I do... miss Kiyoshi, I mean."

"I'll see something that makes me think of you. Hear a dumb joke, or catch something in a store window. And some absentminded, stupid part of me thinks, even just for an instant 'Kiyoshi would love this.' 'I bet this would make him laugh.' 'This reminds me of the thing we did together. Back when we got along.'"

"And then… I remember we don't anymore. I remember what happened. I remember who you are. And even though it was just for a second… because I got my hopes up, it feels like my heart breaks all over again. Like I'm just now hearing it for the first time. Finally… processing that none of what we had was real." She glowers. "...I guess it's just that some part of me is still in denial. Catching up or whatever. That I haven't processed it yet."

"Yeah," Kiyoshi says, a weighty feeling in his chest. "I get that. Sometimes it feels like I haven't processed it, either. Do you know how much I freaked out when I first found out? I didn't wanna believe it. Like… at all. And I still don't, honestly. I hate being this person. And… like… the only way I can even cope with it just ignoring it, mostly. But I know that's ingenuous. I know I'm never going to change those behaviors unless I face them head-on. And that hurts. That really hurts to do."

"I… uh… miss you too, for the record," he says. "If that much wasn't obvious. And… I really do think that friendship we had was real, even if just for a little bit." He pauses. "We just… didn't know yet. We didn't know."

He hates to admit it, but his eyes are watering. He thinks he finally gets it… what Fumiko was saying earlier about kindness hurting so much more than cruelty ever could. He feels hopeful, almost: aware of what he had. And having that dangled in front of him… reminiscing, and sitting next to Fumiko on the lakeshore… he knows that no matter what happens things will never be the same between them ever again. And he thinks that might just be the worst fate possible.

"Yeah," Fumiko says. "...We sure didn't know."

He doesn't let himself cry, though. He won't... for her sake. He's not going to put her through that on top of everything else.

"You know what the worst part of all this is?" she admits. "It feels like a last blow. A final 'gotcha.' Because you still had to hurt me one final time. Just to prove a point. Like… everything that happened before just wasn't satisfying enough for you."

Kiyoshi wipes at his eyes… makes it out to be an absentminded movement. He gets allergies this time of year. They're itchy. That's all.

"...What do you mean?"

"Well…" Fumiko says. "You already took everything from me. My family… my dream job… the love of my life, and even my will to live. At the end of the day I didn't have much anything... even that passion you were so jealous of. You took it away. Destroyed it. Shredded it into a million tiny pieces."

"But on top of all that… on top of taking the rest of my world from me… making me give up and making me scared to trust… you just had to take my best friend away from me, too, didn't you?"

For a second Kiyoshi thinks she means Makoto. That much is obvious. But as tears begin to spill down her cheeks, and she turns to look at him with watery eyes… Kiyoshi feels something stop inside his chest.

Because Fumiko's staring directly at him.

"...Yanagisawa couldn't even let me keep this."

She chokes on a sob… buries her face in her hands and whimpers. "Do you know how nice it was? Being able to have conversations like this without having to worry about any of that? I trusted you. I needed you. And I felt safe around you. I wanted to keep that… more than anything. And then he just - he stepped in and ruined that! I don't even know if I can take it! You were the first person I felt that way around! Before even Makoto! And now… and now…"

She takes a ragged breath. "...That's gone too."

Kiyoshi keeps scratching at his eyes- rubbing more and more intensely. But despite his best efforts, he feels a tear spill down past his finger... then another… and another. Heart heavy in his chest, he curls up into his knees and wails "I'm sorry!"

"I never wanted you to feel that way! I never wanted to betray your trust! But I didn't know! If I could take it all back I would! I'd leave you alone! I'd let you live your life! And I wouldn't force you to get to know me! I'm sorry! I'm sorry you felt safe around me! And I'm sorry you can't anymore! But you were my best friend too! You made me happy! I felt so confident around you! And now… and now… I don't know what I'm gonna do either!"

It's easy to forget caught up in this drama that they cared... and that they still do, honestly. But she says it so matter-of-factly… so without doubt… that she felt safe… that they were best friends, and he feels something splinter in his chest. Because they were! And they loved it! And even if he thinks he should just be grateful to have had that chance in hindsight, he doesn't think he'll ever be.

Because all he wants is it back. He'd do anything! Everything!

"And I know - I know it's not about how I feel! I'm not the victim here! You are! But it feels like shit, man! When you're sad, I'm sad! And do you know… do you know how much worse it is when I'm the one making you cry?"

He clutches at his head… pulls at his hair. Shakes his head and hiccups. "I feel bad for even - I didn't mean t- I came in here with the express intent not to do this! I hate myself for crying in front of you! That's not fair- like! At all! You don't deserve to see me- like - like this! But… I hear you say these things and I feel terrible! I get so sick to my stomach and I just… I just…- I don't know! I hate it, Fumiko!"

She watches him with her own teary eyes, but doesn't speak. Simply sits there… lip quivering, and shakes her head.

"You said it yourself! You don't want to feel sympathy for me! And it's worse when I like- when I act like a person! If it would make it any easier on you, I wish you could just remember me that way! As a monster! But I'm… I'm not now. And I don't… I don't want you to live the rest of your life in fear. But this… this pathetic - this crybaby - this guilt trippy stuff isn't the way to prevent that!"

"It's not guilt trippy," Fumiko says.

"How is it not!?" Kiyoshi says. "Crying all over you - telling you I miss you - what could that possibly be other than mongering for sympathy!? I know I'm not good! I know I don't deserve your kindness! But I think about you hating me and I just - I get so - I freak out! But that doesn't mean - when I show you this - I guess I'm just scared you're going to see some sad, pathetic, innocent little thing! And that's… that's not who I am! I already hated being seen as some flawless person before any of this came out! And now it's just - now it's just hellish! I'm not flawless! I'm actually pretty goddamn mean!"

Not Yanagisawa. Forget Yanagisawa for a moment! Forget Shiro. Forget Kotaro. Forget the shattered moon above, and forget a blood-soaked legacy! Even just thinking on who he is at the moment, he honestly kinda sucks!

Kiyoshi… who judges his classmates. Who's convinced everyone is out to get him. Who pegged Fumiko down as just a rich bitch at first, and who had the audacity to think Makoto was annoying! Kiyoshi… who talks to no-one, and who lied to his friends about his identity for months! Kiyoshi, who minimized the hurt his father was going through, and made his mother's accident all about him.

...Kiyoshi… who's crying in front of Fumiko Hisakawa right now.

She's quiet for a long moment, expression twitching slightly at his words. Some of that composure seems to return to her posture. She takes a deep breath… then shoots him an unimpressed look.

"Yeah," she says. "You are, honestly. You can be super damn mean, Kiyoshi. And you've hurt my feelings more than once. But you're not just flawed, either." She falls silent, biting down… hard. "And… I know you're not trying to guilt me. If you were you wouldn't be apologizing over it. And you certainly wouldn't be crying like this."

"But I-"

"Don't get me wrong. That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt to see. That doesn't mean I don't think it's at least a little unfair to me, and I'm not okay with it. But as much as I wish I didn't… I know you Kiyoshi. And I know you don't cry like this unless you mean it. You really do feel bad, don't you? And sometimes… well at least that's better than you not giving a shit!"

Kiyoshi blinks… wipes at his eyes… shifts slightly.

"That's not what you said earlier. About it hurting more when I behaved this way."

"Well… it does- but-" Fumiko cuts off, shaking her head. "...I don't know. It's complicated. I do hate it. And it does really hurt. If you were just an asshole, then it would mean I could go without any guilt. But if you're not, at least it means those moments we had were real." She falls quiet. "I think… I think it hurts more for Yanagisawa to be nice. But for Kiyoshi? It'd hurt a whole lot more if you were mean."

"...Those are the same thing, you know."

"I know," Fumiko says, frustrated. "My brain is just doing…- my brain is just doing a whole lot of catching up."

"Yeah," Kiyoshi relents. "...Mine too."

Fumiko's quiet for a long moment. She shivers slightly, sitting out there in the February wind. She tries not to look vulnerable, however… stilling herself, and cocking her head to the side.

"I wouldn't want you to take it back if you could, for the record," she says. "...Being my friend, I mean." She huffs, frustrated, and still avoiding eye contact. "I'd ask you to take everything else back… don't get me wrong. If you could snap your fingers and in an instant take back all the times I was scared for my life, I'd fucking beg you to. But… if you had the choice, well…" She sighs. "I don't regret meeting Kiyoshi."

"Don't get me wrong. I'm still pissed at you... for getting my trust and breaking my heart. In some ways… things would be a lot easier for me if I'd never met you. But… I think I needed you, too. And… I needed to meet you when I met you. I was… a bitter, sad person, Kiyoshi. And you were the first person to tell me I deserved better than that. You were the person to tell me you'd be my family. I don't know if I'd have the bravery to be who I am today without that."

"You… did put some good into my life. Into Fumiko's life, I mean. And I hate that. Because… it means you'll always be my tormentor, yeah… but you'll also always be my savior. And… I still don't know what to do with that… the range of all the things you made me feel." Her lip quivers. Her hand's shaking slightly. "All I know is that it hurts. It really, really hurts."

"I know," Kiyoshi admits softly. "...I know."

His hands fall to his side. He's tempted still to pick away at his pant seam… rub at his eyes or fiddle with the bandages wrapped tight around the back of his palm, but somehow can't find the energy. Suddenly his body's heavy… and all he can do is let his arms fall limp to his side.

This conversation's going in circles. And it has for a long time now. Fumiko admitting she's hurt… and Kiyoshi admitting that he knows - that there's nothing he can do about it. There's a heavy- unreal, almost- atmosphere to the air… and a sense of melancholy hovering around them. Unless they want to stay here for the rest of their lives, he thinks it's time to ask the question both of them have been avoiding.

"...What are we going to do now, Fumiko?"

His words pierce the silence… hang heavy in the air for a long moment. Fumiko's expression twitches slightly, before she shakes her head.

"What do you mean?"

"What's going to become of our lives?" Kiyoshi asks. "Now that we know all of this? We can drift away… never see each other again… but are we ever really going to forget about it? You said you keep thinking about it… and I do too… the impact we had on each other. The ways I hurt you, and… the ways I tried to help you, too. You said it hurts. Does that mean… it's just going to hurt forever?"

"If it's me… I think that's okay," he continues. "I mean- I do think it's gonna hurt forever… remembering what I did to you, and missing you, too. But that- like - that's only fair. That if the most I come away from this with is a little bit of hurt, I'm still lucking out. But you? Shit, Fumiko. I don't want you to spend the rest of your life feeling a little unfulfilled in some way. Are you going to be okay again one day? Or…?" He hesitates for a moment. "Are you always going to miss me a little, too?"

Fumiko's mouth falls open. She's silent… for a moment… before closing it.

"Well - I mean- I don't - I'm trying to think I don't need you to feel fulfilled. That I'm going to…- that I'll grow up one day and be fine. That no-one's going to ruin my life again, and that I'm going to get to live out my dreams. That I can do that without you. That one day I'll be whole. And that I won't need to depend on anyone to get there."

"Thinking anything else- it- it feels like it'd be a disservice to me. But all the same, yeah… I do miss you. And I do think this will hurt me for a long time. Right now I'm in a place where… right now I'm in a place where I'm very weak. And I think… if I ever want to get to where I want to be… then… then… maybe…-"

"...Maybe?"

"Maybe... this could be easier on me. And maybe... maybe I don't have to do this this way... let him steal this too. I know how I feel about what happened to me. And my opinion on that is never going to change. But I just keep thinking about how much fun we had together... and I know I'll never stop thinking about how something close to fulfilling this conversation was... not if I go now. That's why the stupidest little part of m- no... all of me... I think... it... I-"

"I don't want him to take you away from me, Kiyoshi!"

Kiyoshi's heart stops. But before he can even fully process it, Fumiko shakes her head, blinking back tears.

"Sc- scared of the world! That's how he wanted me to feel! He wanted to rule my life! But you... you... you gave me the confidence to be who I wanted to be! I felt safe around you. And I felt it just now! Even… even sad- even so fucked up in the head, I felt comfortable talking to you." Her nails dig into the grass. She bites down on her lip. "I don't want to lose that! And I'm sure I don't - I won't need this forever. I'd be okay whether I 'gave you a second chance' or not. But I think I - I want that right now! I want you in my life! I don't want to give Yanagisawa that power over me! Because you... you helped me feel stronger… and during a time when I really need it! During a time I was recovering from all of that!"

She tenses slightly. "And don't- don't get me wro- this isn't even a second cha- I'm doing this for my sake, not yours! I'm not suddenly okay with the way you treated me! It's not just - it's never going to be water under the bridge! But I - I just can't - I can't understand why you'd come out here and cry like that if you didn't care at least a little! And I… I want that care to be true so badly. Otherwise… otherwise… what is my confidence built on!?"

Kiyoshi stares. Fumiko trembles as she speaks. And in a moment he leaps towards her... taking a shaking hand and promising with all the conviction he can muster "Of- of course it's real! I- I care about you more than anything! Holy shit!"

Fumiko tumbles backwards, tearing her hand away from him. Startled by the sudden motion, she covers her head with her arms. Slowly… her posture relaxes however as she realizes Kiyoshi hadn't been reaching out to attack her. Oh… that's right. She's trying to put faith in him.

...This might be harder than either of them thought.

"A-ah…- sorry-" Kiyoshi says, scooting backwards. "I… I got excited. Didn't mean to frighten you. I just… didn't expect to get this far. At all. I- uh - really should have thought that through."

There's an awkward heaviness in his chest.

"...Uh… yeah. You should have." Fumiko looks uncomfortable… but soon her expression softens. She takes one deep breath, then another. "We're… uh… gonna have to take this slowly," She admits. "I know… I know you probably want things to just go back to the way they were, but-"

"No. No. Don't worry. I get it. I'd… feel weird, too, if that happened. That feels like… that feels like it's ignoring what happened."

"Mmm," Fumiko says. "...If you… really want to, it'll take time to earn my trust. But… I am giving you that chance. And if you prove yourself… well… then maybe things can go back to the way they were before all of this. I just have to… be certain, first. I don't want to be rash. End up… making a decision I'll regret. This is already… very scary for me. I'm… sure you get that, right?"

"Yeah," Kiyoshi says. "Of course I do."

"I already feel like… well, I already feel like I'm doing something extremely stupid talking to you here right now. Some part of me still wants to bolt. I mean… it feels like I'm walking into an extremely obvious trap. But all the same… I think I'm finally ready to take that risk. I'm a different person now. And I know… I know how to protect myself. That's why I can afford this."

She holds a finger up. "I won't be taking any shit, Kiyoshi. You are extraordinarily lucky to even be getting this. The moment I see you lie to me… raise your voice around me… dare try to fucking hit me, or call me stupid and worthless I'm done. This is all you get. No… no third chances. This is it. No matter how sorry you say you are next time, no matter how hard you cry, I will not do this again. I will leave... and I will tell everyone... and I will go on with or without you to become someone I think I can be proud of."

"But if… if you really, truly want to leave that person behind, then this is your chance. You can… help make this easier on me. Slowly, at first, but… I'm letting you do that." Her gaze drifts to the ground. She looks vulnerable…- angry, almost… but all the same, there's a gentleness to it. "Because… I care about you. And… I think you deserve it, even if you don't. And… because… I really do think you can help me become my best self."

She's looking at him with compassion. Guarded compassion, but compassion. Heart stuttering in his chest, Kiyoshi blinks back tears. He really hadn't expected to get this far. He'd expected this to end in hurt for him. But for the both of them… the both of them to find peace…-

It's the best thing he could have possibly asked for!

For the second time today he begins to weep. Blubbering incoherently, he wipes at his eyes with the back of his arm.

"I won't let you down!" he declares, before remembering to keep his voice gentle. "I promise. You're right… I really, really don't deserve this, but I'll make sure you don't regret it. I'll be the person I think you can be. I'll… I'll let you make me my best self, too, even if it takes time. Because that's who I want to be… that's really who I want to be- "

It's hard to make out Fumiko's expression through his tears. But he swears he spots an almost amused expression.

"You… really are a crybaby, aren't you?" She admits.

"Of- of course!" Kiyoshi replies. "I… it's just really important to me. That's all."

Fumiko nods, pretending she isn't wiping at her eyes herself. "...Yeah," she says. "It's important to me, too."

As if finally growing aware of just how defenseless she looks, she shakes her head. "Honestly… you probably get going pretty soon. 've already been out here longer than I should have, and 'm scared if I'm missing for too long my parents will get wind of the fact that I'm out here. Thank you… though. For coming to talk to me about all of this."

"...Oh," Kiyoshi says. "Of course."

Honestly… it feels weird going so soon. It's like he just got her back. But he reminds himself they agreed on 'slowly.' If this is Fumiko's idea of baby steps, then that's more than okay.

He starts to stand. Grabs his groceries… careful to take them with both hands; not swing.

"Yeah. That's probably a good idea," he admits. "This was… nice. But… it was also a lot. I think we both have a lot to think about."

"Yeah," Fumiko says. "We do."

She shifts slightly.

"...I probably won't ask to have my desk moved back right away. Or… uh… at all. I dunno, yet. Things are still weird with Makoto."

"Do you want me to tell him we had this talk? I don't want him to think we're fighting if we're not."

"I…" Fumiko pauses. "I don't know. I mean… I know it's 'over,' but I think… I don't know - that he's just going to interpret it in the wrong way. Act like because we might be friends again he didn't do anything wrong in the first place."

"Which… he did. He was really a dick to you, Fumiko."

"Yeah. Whatever," Fumiko says. "Tell him we talked. Just… don't tell him I forgave you or anything, okay? Tell him it's complicated. And tell him I'm still not happy with the way he treated me."

"Of course," Kiyoshi says. "I'll make sure to pass it on."

"And… have a talk like this with him, too, okay?"

Kiyoshi pauses.

"...What do you mean?" he asks. "We already talked."

"Did you?" Fumiko asks. "You said he forgave you. But something tells me it's not that easy. Makoto's an expert at hiding his feelings. He has to have a lot more feelings about this than he's letting on. Give him a push, okay? Talk about what really happened. Don't let him deflect it." She pauses. "...For his sake and yours."

...Kiyoshi remembers the way Makoto had reacted when he'd first told him the truth... that split second sheer terror. It had faded awfully quickly as Makoto had 'come to his senses,' but looking back on it… Kiyoshi does have to wonder how much of that has really vanished. He did… terrible, terrible things to Makoto. Maybe Fumiko's right. Maybe they do need to talk.

"Okay," he says. "We… uh… will." He shifts slightly. "Dunno how long it'll take… like you said it's hard to get him to open up about this stuff, but if he really is still bothered by everything that happened back then I'll make sure we have a heart to heart. He deserves some genuine answers too."

"Good," Fumiko says, her voice a huff.

He still thinks it's cute… that she's looking out for Makoto despite being mad at him. He decides not to bring it up again, however. Something tells him that'll only embarrass her more, and the last thing he wants to do is scare her back into her shell.

"Well… uh… I'll get going now then, I guess," Kiyoshi says. "...I'll… see you around, okay? Text you. I mean… if you're okay with unblocking me. I probably still won't be back at school for a little while, so-"

"No. That's fine," Fumiko replies awkwardly. "I'll… uh… unblock you, yeah. If anything annoys me I'll just leave you on read."

"Gee, thanks," Kiyoshi replies with a strained chuckle. "I'll… try not to go overboard, then" he says. "And… uh…" He drifts off. "Remember this decision doesn't have to be permanent, okay? Even if… even if I don't do anything- you - uh… have every right to take this back. Please don't feel bound to your word or whatever."

"I won't," she says. "I… already knew that. That I can change my mind at any time, and that I don't exactly need your permission. Nevertheless…" she pauses. "...I suppose it's still nice to hear from you."

She gives him an awkward smile. Kiyoshi smiles back… before turning his back to her. It's time he goes, he supposes. He'd hate to overstay his welcome.

"See you arou-?"

"I'm glad you died, you know."

Now that gives Kiyoshi pause. He stops in his tracks before whirling around with a bewildered expression.

"You what!?"

Fumiko just about jumps out of her skin. Kiyoshi remembers how sudden that movement must have looked. He holds his hands up in the air, reassuringly noting "I'm- I'm not mad about - I just don't understand - what was that sentence again!?"

Fumiko pinches the bridge of her nose. Shaking her head she murmurs "Okay. So I probably worded that poorly." She's getting up to her feet now. Looking rather humiliated, she clarifies, "I meant that… as… like… a compliment, for the record."

Kiyoshi raises an eyebrow. "Did you now?"

"Yes!" Fumiko hisses. "I did!" Gritting her teeth, she insists "I meant- like - you've finally gotten your head out of your ass! It's a relief! That… well, Kiyoshi was born I guess. Not that that psychopath died. Though now that I think about it, that's a relief, too." She blinks. "Full offense."

Kiyoshi gives a shrug. "Eh. That's fair. It's not like one would have happened without the other, anyways."

(Now that he thinks about it, his parents probably would have still had a kid even if he hadn't died back then, wouldn't they? But that wouldn't be him, would it? He's… not sure. It hurts his head to think about... and unfortunate situation or not, he thinks he's still thankful that he gets to be this person. He wouldn't have it any other way.)

"I suppose," Fumiko says. "I'm sorry. That was awkward. I just… needed to get it out. Watching you say those polite-ass things… it made me…- I guess it made me thankful you've experienced so many different things. You're… a much nicer person to be around, now."

"Yeah," Kiyoshi says. "I'm thankful, too."

Looking back on his death… it had been something pretty terrifying. He still remembers the beeping heart monitors with dread in his gut. But as haunting as the gasping for breath… the creaking machines and the hustle and bustle of the hospital is, it gave him the chance to be where he is today, didn't it?

His earliest memory is at three years old. He's a rough and tumble kid, and his parents get him a dog for his birthday. He yanks at his tail time and time again, even when Dad tells him to stop. And when the dog finally has enough he receives a nasty bite to the arm. It's hardly deep - the dog's a damn puppy at the time…- but he still cries for an hour. Mom puts a bright orange bandaid on his forearm, and Dad tells him the dog hadn't been being malicious. He'd scared him, that's all.

He apologizes. Apologizes with all he's got, and he means it. Because he doesn't want to get bit again, and because the new dog sleeps curled up at the foot of Mom and Dad's bed. Kiyoshi wants that same affection. Kiyoshi wants that same love.

Within three days the dog hesitantly teeters up to his bedside... ever so cautiously hops up onto the mattress, and leans into Kiyoshi's embrace… relieved to find no reason to fear hidden up his sleeve this time around.

He doesn't remember being born… not like he remembers dying. But where death is cold… lonely… terror clawing at his gut, he imagines being born was somewhat the opposite. Warm… surrounded by family… finally welcomed into something so much bigger than himself. Dad might have cried, or he might have not. He's weird like that. Mom probably laughed and called him the ugliest baby on the planet, but before she knew it she'd have started crying, too.

(...He knows them well.)

So… yeah. As scary as the thought of being 'gone' is, maybe Fumiko's right. Maybe it was the start of something pretty beautiful, too.

Yeah. Believe it or not, Kiyoshi thinks he's pretty glad Yanagisawa died, too. After all… if he hadn't, he doesn't think he'd be sitting here right now with the guts to talk to Fumiko in the first place.

"Listen," he says. "I'm… uh… finally gonna get out of your hair. Like for real. But… thank you Fumiko. For giving me a chance, and for… I guess for being thankful we don't have to live like that anymore, too."

"Mmm," Fumiko says. "You're welcome. But don't thank me with your words. If you really want to prove it do it with your actions. Show me you're the person I think you are, Kiyoshi. Then I can really thank you back."

"I will. I promise," Kiyoshi says, a conviction in his tone. And with that he finally steps away… from the lakeside and from Fumiko, but in a way, away from his past, too.

(Thank fucking God.)

"I'll talk to you soon!" he shouts over his shoulder. "And…- uh- get back inside soon, okay? Good luck with everything! I promise I'll do my best to help!"

Fumiko doesn't reply for a long moment. She stands there… an uncertain look on her face. But as Kiyoshi crests over the hill and heads towards the future… towards making a deliberate effort to improve himself, he turns his head back towards her… and swears he hears her murmur something close to comfort.

"Yeah," she says. "I think I might just believe that."

They don't hug. They hardly even say goodbye. Quite frankly, neither of them is certain anything will ever be okay. But somehow… just this once, and even despite a sense of melancholy… on this chilly February day…-

...Kiyoshi thinks 'we might be okay' is pretty goddamn okay in and of itself.