Chapter 28: Zatanna Ex Machina
"Bullshit," Hill said, standing over the prone Batman. He could see Hill's eyes widen. His lips draw back to reveal his teeth.
"No one… No one puts on a mask and walks away clean," Hill said. "In order to give Gotham City what it had coming to it, I had to murder my own son with this pistol. I needed to prove to myself I could do it. Everything I loved in this life had to burn!"
He brandished the pistol in his hand at Batman.
"I have suffered to put things back in balance," Hill said. "I had to suffer to become who I needed to be this whole time."
Batman had has right hand over an imaginary gunshot wound on his stomach, faking an injury to lull Hill into a false sense of security. But even taking this into mind, Batman couldn't help sneering at Hill.
"Hill, no one told you to shoot your son," Batman said. "No one told you to take this city hostage. No one even told you to take the mob money that got this whole thing started. I've fought every kind of scum this place has to offer, from costumed psychos, to street muggers, to corporate fiends, to politicians. And the one thing I learned is that the worst people, the scum that cause nightmares… never suffered at all. You've been blathering like an idiot, trying to tell me how alike we are just because we both wear masks. But you're more alien to me than even the aliens I've met."
"You don't think I've suffered?"
"I think you brought it on yourself," Batman said. "You're entitled, Hill. You're crooked, and this is the tantrum you threw when nine million people called you on it."
This sole subway car smashed through something loud enough for both men to start. They had rushed through a flimsy wooden barrier at the end of the tunnel, and were now on a set of old abandoned tracks leading through the long-forgotten Gotham Stockyards on the mainland.
The view from the car, looking at the huddled clumps of old tall buildings in the East End, was breathtaking in its odd way, made all the more so by the fact that, in the time Batman had been down in that tunnel, the clouds had parted, and the sun was now shining upon Gotham City. Daylight flooded the subway car.
Hill looked at him and smiled.
"The guy who said sunlight was the best disinfectant," Hill said. "That guy was on to something. You've terrified this city for over ten years now, but now you're lying on the floor in the harsh light of day, and you're not scary at all. You're sad."
Hill squatted down to get to Batman's eye level.
"Let me guess. The city did you dirty, you put on this suit to get revenge, and you have the gall to tell me we're not alike. At least I admit it."
"I admit I'm trying to leave that behind."
Hill grinned. "As I recall, you tried walking away from it for three years, and all I had to do was work my magic, and here you are again."
"No," Batman said. "Not The Bat. The revenge. The pain."
"That's all either of us are," Hill said. "You leave that behind, what's left? What do you replace it with?"
Batman dropped his gunshot victim act for a second. Just long enough to glare at Hill and tell him the truth.
"A friend of mine in Metropolis is a big fan of hope," Batman said. "I'm thinking I might start there."
Catwoman swung weakly and slowly at Black Manta, almost falling over to do it, sending thick spatters of her own blood to the marble floor. Black Manta didn't so much dodge the swing, as gingerly step aside, and grabbed Catwoman by the throat.
She stared into the red lights in his helmet that worked as eyes. Catwoman wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of looking scared.
Black Manta raised the blade extending form his wrist, and brought it an inch away from her nose.
His voice was still an electronic rumble. "This won't hurt a-"
BOOM!
The terminal shook. Dust and white plaster fell on them both. Black Manta retracted his blade.
And they both looked up.
There was a massive hole in in one of the arches beneath the vaulted ceiling, Smoke and dust obscured what lay beyond.
And from that hole emerged a figure, vaulting from a running jump. The figure descended into the terminal toward them
She was wearing knee-high boots, skinny jeans with fresh holes in the thighs, a purple leather jacket unzipped over a forest green tank top.
And a Batcowl over long red hair.
Catwoman's thoughts were faster than her mouth.
Batgirl.
The vigilante's feet clanged off the top of Black Manta's helmet, and jostled him just enough to let Catwoman go. She fell, and a fresh new onset of pain and soreness caused her to lock up on the floor.
She opened her eyes and saw that Nightwing was on his elbow, unblinking, staring at the scene, mesmerised by what he saw.
As Batgirl was ducking and running from Black Manta, a shimmering silver portal opened behind Catwoman and Nightwing, and Zatanna, familiar from her billboards and TV specials, emerged.
She saw the two of them, and immediately cringed.
"Uhhhoooooh my God," Zatanna said, holding her stomach. "What did he-Oh, ewwwww. You look like you walked out of a Hellraiser movie."
She gulped. "Uh.. Y'know what? Never mind. Here."
Zatanna held out her hands. Without being told, Catwoman and Nightwing put their hands in hers.
She closed her eyes, and:
"Laeh dna dnem."
Catwoman didn't know what had just happened, but her first instinct was to let off a massive sneeze.
She sneezed because her teeth had grown back, and that messed with her sinuses.
The shards of broken beer bottle that had been lodged in her face painlessly extruded themselves, and tinkled lightly onto the marble floor
Her ruptured stomach felt... fine. She didn't feel any pain. She didn't even feel particularly tired. She looked around her. All the blood that had been everywhere was now gone. The only evidence that anything had happened to her at all were the pale globs of undigested waffle on the floor.
She lightly rubbed her face, pulled her hand away, and there was nothing here.
If she put my blood back in my body, I hope she cleaned it. This place is filthy.
As they got to their feet, she looked over at Nightwing, who was still staring at Batgirl, his freshly mended jaw agape, his blue eyes gawking from a clean, blood-free face.
"It's just Batgirl," Catwoman said. "She's out of retirement, that's all."
"Uhhhh,' Zatanna said. "She was in a wheelchair until, like, thirty seconds ago."
Catwoman looked at Zatanna, down at herself, and back to Zatanna.
"Oh, you're good."
Catwoman heard the ZZZZZZT of charging electricity and looked back at the fight at hand. Batgirl had ducked behind Black Manta and jammed an electric Batarang into the wires of his jetpack that Poison Ivy's gunk had exposed.
I hope Batgirl thanks me for softening him up for her.
"We should do something," Nightwing said.
"Both of you stand back," said Zatanna. "I'm waiting for my moment."
The charge of the electric Batarang had worn off. Batgirl unleashed a missile dropkick to the dent on the front of Black Manta's armor.
The first problem was that this dropkick did not knock Black Manta down.
The second problem was that the missile dropkick is a move that knocks the person delivering it onto their back.
Black Manta stepped on Batgirl's stomach to keep her in place. His blade extended from his right wrist. He aimed, and brought it down.
"Etaroireted."
Black Manta's blade stopped an inch from Batgirl's face.
A great bloom of hideous rust spread from the tip of the blade, infecting its way backward. The last three inches of the blade snapped off, and the soft rusty thing that it had become harmlessly booped the nose of Batgirl's cowl.
The rust spread from all the joints of his armor. From the knees, going up. From the shoulders going down.
Black Manta struggled to stand straight up again, and turned to Catwoman, Nightwing, and Zatanna. He struggled even further to slide a panel of armor back on the inside of his left forearm revealing a series of buttons.
He pressed the blue one in the middle.
It was the ejection protocol.
The back of the armor split open, and its rusty husk fell to the floor. David Hyde ejected from the armor about eight feet in the air as the rest of his armor crumbled into dirty brown scrap, that vaunted and terrifying helmet of his splitting in two upon contact with the floor.
And Hyde came down on Zatanna, knocking her to the ground and the hat off her head, and wrapping his hands around her throat. His eyes were wild, and his mouth was turned down in fury.
"YOU DESTROYED MY ARMOR, YOU BITCH!"
Three separate sets of hands reached down and grabbed Hyde by the shoulders. They brought him up, yanking him off of the prone Zatanna, who curled up, coughing.
Hyde staggered back, reared back to face his assailants, and stopped, his face a storm of confusion.
Right, Catwoman thought. He didn't know Zatanna patched us up. This must be a nasty shock to him.
Two sets of footsteps sounded off on either side of her.
Batgirl was on her left, yanking off her leather jacket and throwing it to the ground, revealing pale arms with impressively cultivated lean muscles. She clenched her fists and struck her pose.
Nightwing was on her right. He got out his one remaining escrima stick, and started flipping it in his hand.
Catwoman looked at David Hyde, standing there in his wetsuit in front of them. She ran her tongue along the top row of her freshly reinstalled teeth, and smiled wide.
"Ready for round two, asshole?"
Hill turned and looked out the window of the subway car at the formidable skyline of Gotham City.
"In 1840," Hill said, "Judge Solomon Wayne and an architect named Cyrus Pinkney laid down their plans for a place called Gotham City. Pinkney was a horrifying white supremacist, even by the standards of the time. He said his designs were supposed to be 'a bulwark against godlessness,' which pretty much just means Native Americans in old-timey speak. Pinkney was the one who put the gargoyles everywhere. Put in rounded edges to confuse evil spirits, and thick walls to keep in virtue."
He looked at Batman before he looked back at the city.
"It wasn't virtue he kept in. It was every last bit of awful that could possibly be spat from the soil. Guys like you. Guys like me."
Hill held his phone out in front of him.
"I push a button," Hill said, "and Gotham goes up in flame."
Batman fixed him with his gaze.
"We deserve it," Hill said. "A hundred and eighty years was a good run, anyway."
A steady stream of thoughts marched legibly through Batman's head.
They did it.
Dick, Selina, and Barbara saved Zatanna. They stopped Black Manta.
I don't have to hope.
I just know.
Hill looked at Batman and grinned.
"Everything you love in this life… has to burn."
And with that, Hill pressed the button.
Nothing happened.
Hill was most acutely aware of the nothing happening, as Batman stubbornly refused to burst in green flame.
He pressed the button again. And again. The nothing still kept happening. He looked to the city skyline, where nothing was also happening. No green flames. No burnt popcorn smell that one could smell along the eastern seaboard.
Hill's face contorted into rage and inconsolability. His eyes bulged, his nostrils flared, his lips peeled back from his teeth.
"How?" Hill asked Batman. "HOW?"
Batman didn't even bother to dignify Hill with a response.
The hand that was on his stomach, selling a gunshot wound that wasn't there, shifted down to his utility belt.
The third and final smoke pellet in hand, Batman flung it directly at Hill's feet.
Nightwing exploded into a run, and caught Hyde high in the chest with a running kick he didn't appear to be ready for. Hyde fell back and careened into the wall.
He came in for a punch, and Hyde managed to duck it. He dodged to the left… and ran right into Batgirl.
Batgirl threw a left hook, and Hyde's face got rocked for his troubles. Catwoman cringed inwardly.
Dear Lord, she must have been blasting those arms while she was in that wheelchair.
Batgirl threw another, but the groggy Hyde managed to duck it. He wasn't in in his armor anymore, so he could throw kicks now.
A right side kick caught Batgirl in the midsection, knocking her to the marble floor. Hyde looked to his right, and saw a length of steel rebar sticking out of the pillar that he had almost sundered when crashing into it earlier.
He yanked it out of the pillar, raised it high over his head, and…
"Loop eldoon."
..brought it down on Batgirl's chest, only for it to snap in half, as Zatanna had turned this length of steel rebar into a pink foam pool noodle.
Hyde looked at the remains of the weapon that he had once had in his hands, and that's when Catwoman leaped over Batgirl, and drove a shoulder into his chest.
He dropped to the floor. Catwoman charged after him, bringing her feet down in aggressive stomps that Hyde kept dodging by backing up.
Hyde was cornered into the wall. Catwoman brought her foot up, and Hyde pivoted to sweep Catwoman's leg out from under her. She hit the floor hard, and Hyde tried to line up his own kick to her head while they were both on the floor, which she dodged by log rolling out of the way.
They were both so far apart now, that they had time to regroup and get to their feet. They charged one another.
Hyde threw out a left a left that Catwoman dodged by leaning back, as though she were going under a limbo bar.
She contorted to get to a standing position, and as she did so, that's when the claws came out.
Catwoman swung with her right hand, and caught Hyde across the front of his face. He recoiled, screaming, and Catwoman noticed that her horizontal slashes cross-hatched with the three vertical cuts that Aquaman had given him years before.
She started laughing.
"Holy shit! I can play Tic-Tac-Toe on your face!"
As Hill coughed amidst the smoke and fired his pistol blindly, Batman was crouched, moving behind him below the line of thick gray miasma that his smoke pellet had unleashed.
Once he got behind Hill, he reached into his utility belt and pulled out a vocal amplifier. He threw it up to the middle of the curved roof of the car. His voice would come from everywhere, now.
"Hamilton Hill."
Hill froze, and then stood up straight, trying to get his head above the smoke.
"You have threatened my city. You have threatened the people I care about. You have threatened the people who care about me."
Hill whirled around and aimed his pistol at eye level, trying to peer through the thinning smoke.
"So tell me, Hill. Does that make me less dangerous… or more?"
Hill laughed.
"Don't pull that shit with me, you freak," Hill said. "Something put you in that armor. Something terrible. That pain is all you are. It's all any of us are. And you're telling me you're gonna try and put on your happy face? You're gonna revel in your own misery, and you're gonna do it alone, because that what makes us strong! Walk away from it, and you're weakening yourself on purpose. Walk away, and you lose your edge. Walk away from it... and you're a fool!"
Batman rose above the chest-high line of smoke, behind Hill's back. He towered above him, head bent down, passing judgement on a wayward soul.
"No."
Hill turned around and saw him, saw the protector of Gotham, in all his resplendence.
And Hamilton Hill knew fear.
Hill dropped his gun. He almost hunched over in his cowardice as he tried to back away. He beheld the figure that had spawned urban legends for more than a decade with wide eyes and a quivering lip. The thing that was not quite human. The vengeful specter that stalked Gotham City by night, laying low the wicked and punishing the guilty. Against iniquity and danger, against death and evil, stood a Dark Knight.
And the Dark Knight surveyed the pathetic man cowering before him. He lowered his head. A sneer spread across his bloody face. And he said:
"I'm Batman."
THWACK!
The right hook delivered to the side of Hamilton Hill's head almost knocked him clean out of his shoes. If the punch itself didn't knock him out, his head colliding with the window of the train car certainly would have.
Hill fell beneath the line of rapidly thinning smoke.
Batman turned and saw the control panel near the front of the car. He walked to it and turned it off, bringing the train to a slow halt.
He pushed a few buttons on his gauntlet. The Batpod that he had abandoned in the tunnel had pistons that could bring it up from an overturned position, as well as ancillary wheels in the hubs that could keep it up right for autopilot purposes.
Batman brought the Batpod up and set a course for his present position.
He wasn't about to walk all the way back to the terminal lugging Hill over his shoulder.
Was David Hyde a gifted fighter outside of his Black Manta armor?
Yes, he was.
Was David Hyde gifted enough to fight Catwoman, Nightwing, and Batgirl with Zatanna providing support from the rear without his armor and have any hope of success?
He tried to be. It wasn't that Hyde wasn't an agile and nimble warrior. It's that Catwoman, Nightwing and Batgirl were faster.
Batgirl kicked Hyde in the stomach, knocking him backward into Nightwing.
Nightwing whacked Hyde in the back of the head with his Escrima stick, which sent him stumbling into Catwoman.
And Catwoman held up the bloody, battered, and beaten David Hyde by his face.
"If you see Talia," Catwoman said. "...Actually, y'know what? Just do this."
Catwoman kicked Hyde in the balls. He groaned in agony.
"Trust me," Catwoman said. "She'll know it's from me."
Catwoman brought her head down into the bridge of Hyde's nose. As he fell unconscious to the floor, she saw his eyes roll into the back of his head.
And her first thought was not the sense of exultant satisfaction that she thought it would be.
No, her first thought was that headbutts really hurt, and she shouldn't try them anymore.
Batgirl stood over the unconscious David Hyde. Catwoman flanked her on the right. Nightwing to her left.
"Is it over?" Batgirl asked.
Catwoman, rubbing the sore spot on her forehead, said "It's over."
Batgirl sighed. "Good," she said after a moment. "First thing's first."
She turned to her left, and set her eyes upon Nightwing. She took his face in her hands, and kissed him. It was long, but still too short. Gentle, but still with the undercurrent of the things she was trying to avoid thinking about.
And no one said a word.
When she broke the kiss, she looked in his eyes.
Please don't say something stupid, Batgirl thought. Please don't say it's glad to have me back. Please don't tell me I haven't lost a step. Because I never went anywhere. And telling me I haven't lost a step is a crappy thing to say to someone who was in a wheelchair for a good chunk of her life.
But Nightwing just smiled a dreamy smile, and said "Well, then."
And Batgirl smiled in turn.
You pass, Boy Wonder.
Her smile faded.
"Second thing's second," she said.
And Batgirl turned to Zatanna.
She had every intention of telling her how she felt. She had every intention of being calm and rational. Zatanna did save her boyfriend's life, and she was, after all, only trying to help, and Batgirl was trying not to lose sight of that.
But Zatanna had her hands behind her back. Her eyebrows were raised. A smile was beginning to form on her full lips.
She's expecting a Thank You.
Noticing this, a great swell of fury blossomed within Batgirl.
Not in her stomach, where her anger usually dwelt.
This time it was in her fist.
Batgirl reared back, and decked Zatanna in the face.
Zatanna grunted as she fell, her top hat zooming offof her skull. She landed in a heap.
Batgirl could sense Catwoman and Nightwing recoiling at the sight.
"Holy shit," Catwoman said.
Zatanna, on the ground, rubbed her face and looked at Batgirl.
"What the hell?"
"You could have done anything," Batgirl said, letting her rage take her. "You could have Black Manta into a cupcake. You could have given Catwoman and Nightwing armor of their own, but instead you decided to use my body without my fucking permission!"
Zatanna got to her feet. "I was only trying to-"
"You were only trying to help?" Batgirl asked. "What am I gonna tell my doctors, huh? Jesus Christ, what am I gonna tell my Dad? How am I gonna spin this in a way that doesn't compromise my identity as Oracle?"
"Wait," Catwoman said, "You're Oracle, too?"
Nightwing folded his arms. "Uh, we might want to be quiet right now."
"I told you, I told everyone else in the League that this wasn't what I wanted. I didn't want some cheat or a shortcut out of that chair that I could thank my position as a superhero for. And you did it anyway. Why? Because you wanted gratitude from someone you looked down on?"
"Barbara, that wasn't what it was like at all."
"Then what was it like?"
"Nightwing and Catwoman were dying, I couldn't-"
Batgirl pointed at them while still keeping her eyes on Zatanna.
"They look okay to me! Seems like you solved that problem, and you didn't need to turn my entire life upside down to do it!"
Batgirl stepped to her, unblinking, and brought her voice down to an intense rasp.
"Let me lay it out for you. Four years ago, The Joker wadded up my entire body and threw it at a problem he wanted to solve. At a point he was trying to make… And you just did it again."
Zatanna almost turned pale at that. She turned her head slightly to look at Nightwing, silently begging for intervention.
Wrong move.
"Hey. Hey! You don't get to look at my boyfriend and hope he tries to calm the crazy woman down. No one gets to tell me how I feel about this except me!"
And Zatanna just stared at her. As her face and her posture got sadder and sadder, Batgirl lost her patience.
"Just leave," Batgirl said. "Go to the hospital like you said you were going to. I'm done talking to you."
Zatanna opened her mouth to say something. Batgirl got right in her face.
"Get out, or get laid out."
Zatanna closed her mouth. Downcast, she turned around and said "Latrop."
A silver, shimmering portal opened in front of her. She stepped through, and the portal dissolved a second later.
A moment of silence passed, until Catwoman broke the ice.
"Thanks for the save in any case, though," Catwoman said. "Manta was going to drive a blade through my face, so… You came in the nick."
Batgirl took a deep breath, and said "You're welcome, Selina."
"So… So your name's Barbara?"
Batgirl sighed. "So she screwed with my body and my identity. I swear to-"
"It's cool," Nightwing said. "She, uh… She knows who Bruce is."
That… Batgirl was not expecting.
And as though he had been summoned by mere mention of his name, Batman himself pulled up on the tracks of the F Line. He was on the Batpod. With Hamilton Hill zip-tied and unconscious on the back.
Seeing him step off the bike. Seeing him stop and stare when he saw her standing-actually standing there, made something click within her.
You son of a bitch…
Batgirl held out a hand, and Batman stopped his advance.
"Did you do this?" Batgirl asked.
Batman cocked his head to the side, in so doing pouring kerosene on Batgirl's rage.
"You don't get to play dumb," Batgirl said, almost spitting the words at him. "You're the guy with the plan. You're the guy who knows what's going to happen before it happens. How much of your Goddamn prep tim e did it take to get me out of that chair?"
Batman opened his mouth to speak. Batgirl spoke faster, cutting him off.
"No," she said. "You're Batman. The only thing you like more than beating the shit out of bad guys is manipulating the people who care about you. You did it to Dick, you did it to the League, you did it to me. After three years, you're wearing the cape again. You wanted an extra soldier for your mission, and the girl in the wheelchair just didn't cut it anymore, is that it? I don't even know why I'm surprised. This is you all over."
She took a step forward.
"Did you put me in that Batmobile knowing Zatanna was going to get me out of that wheelchair?"
And immediately after the question left her mouth, she knew it wasn't true.
Barbara Gordon wouldn't admit this to anyone, and she had a hard time admitting it to herself, but while she respected what the Batman did and what he meant to Gotham City, and while, for the sake of Dick Grayson, she loved Bruce Wayne like family, as a person… she just didn't like him very much.
Yet he stood there, on that subway platform, and while it wasn't particularly pronounced, she noticed Batman almost… wither. As though he was seeing himself through her eyes, with her rage, and he had the common damned courtesy to feel shame.
She'd seen the look on Batman's blood-spattered face before. It was the same kind Roy Harper had on his face from time to time.
Roy Harper went by Arsenal, formerly Red Arrow, and Speedy before that, as the sidekick to Green Arrow. When he was about sixteen, Roy had become addicted to heroin. The Green Arrow, Oliver Queen, didn't handle it well, firing Roy and kicking him out. Roy got himself clean, and even had a kid, Lian, who he took good care of. Even though the two worked together on occasion, Roy never did forgive Oliver for abandoning him when he needed him the most.
She'd seen Roy and Dick talk about the old days, the Teen Titan days, whenever they got together. And while Dick went on one of his monologues, Roy got that look on his face. That no matter how he had improved from that time, no matter how better he got as a person, there was always something there to remind him of when he was at his weakest. As though the middle distance he stared into was the only refuge from the past's long shadow.
"Barbara," Batman said, "I had no idea this was going to happen. And I'm sorry that I've acted in a way that you would even think that."
And she believed him.
An almost interminable moment of silence passed.
"You might need a hug right now," Batman said. "I'm bad at this, so I thought I would tell you before I walked toward you."
Batgirl squinted at him, and thought I think you need one right now more than I do, and that's saying something.
She didn't say it, though. She just nodded, and said "Alright, then."
He walked toward her, and they embraced. She was about to break it, when-
Beepbeepbeepbeepbeep…
They stopped, and all four of them looked at the source of the noise.
David Hyde was back on his feet. He was standing above the remains of his Black Manta armor.
In his hand, he was holding what appeared to be a fuel cell from the now dessicated shell of his plate. It was roughly the size of a Q-Tip, and it was the cause of the beeping.
He overhand threw it at the four of them.
They didn't have time to react.
There was nothing they could do.
However…
Immediately upon hearing the beeping, Batman pressed a small button on his utility belt.
He'd meant to press it as soon as he'd arrived at the terminal, but the drama with Batgirl stayed his hand.
The press of the button emitted a signal, and that signal was at a frequency so high that none of the people in the terminal had actually heard it.
But someone had heard it.
Through the mainland of Gotham City, past the city limits, and two miles beyond, one person heard the signal coming from Batman's belt.
This one person knew what it meant.
And it is in the interest of clarity to note that this one person who heard the signal was neither a bird nor a plane.
In the time it took between Batman pressing the signal button on his belt, to the time that David Hyde's explosive fuel cell was two feet away from Batman's chest, Superman erupted from The Barricade outside the city, flew through the mainland, found the entrance at the Cauldron construction site, navigated the sewers and the tunnels, and caught the fuel cell in the nick of time.
He closed his hands around it, and stared at Hyde.
The fuel cell exploded within Superman's hands, but instead of the loud boom meant to kill Batman, Catwoman, Batgirl and Nightwing, it instead erupted with a shrill PHEEET! as though someone had just let out a squeaky fart inside a church with breathtaking acoustics.
Superman opened his hands, and his palms were black with soot. He let the sandy remains of the fuel cell itself tumble to the marble floor.
He looked down his nose at Hyde.
"Manta," Superman said, "please tell me you have something better than that. Don't ruin my opinion of you."
Just then, a bright streak of red light, wreathed in golden lightning, made its way through the tunnel, and stopped right next to Superman, before it coalesced into human form.
His name is Wally West.
And he's the fastest man alive.
As The Flash folded his arms and stared down Hyde, a boiling silver portal materialized next to him. Figures emerged from it in single file.
John Constantine, muttering an incantation to keep the portal open.
Wonder Woman, sword drawn and shield bared.
Black Canary, cracking her knuckles.
Starfire, her hands glowing green with energy.
The portal closed behind them, and David Hyde was staring down a whopping ten superheroes ready to subdue him.
And to his credit, Hyde still wanted to fight.
However, as he put up his fists, a small speck of dust fell from above him.
This small speck of dust landed on his cheek.
And this small speck of dust knocked David Hyde out cold.
As the ten heroes jumped back in surprise, this speck of dust slowly fell to the floor, before it grew into a human size in the blink of an eye.
The Atom looked down at the unconscious David Hyde, and then looked at the assembled heroes with a beaming smile.
"Wow!" The Atom said. "I just knocked out Black Manta!"
Starfire clapped.
And then Starfire stopped clapping, when she realized she was the only one doing it.
"Flash," Superman said, "If you'd be so kind."
"Alright, alright," The Flash said, and in a streak, he had taken both Hyde and Hill out of the tunnel and to the surface, no doubt back to The Barricade where they could be detained and processed.
And all that was left were ten people in an abandoned subway terminal, some of whom hadn't talked to each other in years. Some of whom had never spoken to each other at all.
Now, an efficient narrative would simply end the chapter here, before picking up in the grand finale with the next most important thing that happened to the story's subjects, instead of eavesdropping on their silly and quite frankly meaningless conversations.
But this narrative has been far from efficient up to this point, so why start now?
As they started to mingle, Constantine walked up to Batman.
"Where's Zee?"
Batman said nothing, but looked at Batgirl.
"She portaled out to a hospital," Batgirl said.
"Which one?"
"Don't know."
Constantine grunted, and turned around. Then he turned back again to look at Batman.
"Just tell me I was right," Constantine said.
Batman said nothing.
Constantine grunted again. "Plonker."
He snapped his fingers, and portaled out himself.
Starfire hugged Batgirl.
Once they broke the embrace, Starfire almost hugged Nightwing, but stopped herself. She put her hands behind her back and looked at the floor.
Batgirl rolled her eyes. "You don't need my permission to hug your friend, Kory."
Starfire beamed, and wrapped her arms around Nightwing. "I was so worried about you,"
"I appreciate that," Nightwing said. "Thank you."
It took a while, but Starfire finally stopped hugging her ex. She looked at Batgirl.
"You are walking again."
"Yes," Batgirl said with an edge to her voice. "Yes, I am."
Starfire looked between the two of them.
"I am trying to be as supportive as I can of my friend, who is going out with a man I still have feelings for, but the worry I have that I am not being supportive enough in the face of my own lingering emotions is giving me anxiety that makes me feel as though I am going to vomit."
Now it was Nightwing's turn to look at the floor. Batgirl just put her hand on Starfire's arm and said "Kory, honey, you're doing fine."
"But I want you to be happy," Starfire said. "I truly do. I also want Batman and Catwoman to be happy, even though Batman has somewhat of a distaste for me."
Batgirl furrowed her brow. "That, uh… That came out of nowhere."
"Oh, they have not told you?" Starfire asked.
She stopped and looked at Batman and Catwoman standing a few feet away. Nightwing and Batgirl followed suit.
"I can tell just by looking at them," Starfire said softly. "They are going to do the sex at each other."
At this, Batgirl snorted. "No, they're not!"
"They did kiss on the bridge before you got here," Nightwing said.
"And he slept with Talia a million years ago," Batgirl said, "but they've never actually been official. Bruce Wayne is too committed a promise he made when he was eight to be any earthly good another human being in that capacity. He'll tempt himself, and the he'll… brood… about…"
Batgirl trailed off as she stared at them.
Something was off about the two of them. She didn't know if it was the way they were standing there or what, but Batgirl caught a whiff of a great tectonic change in the shape of all things that, given this minor evidence, she was only dimly aware of.
She tried to listen to what they were saying.
"Now that I'm Batman's girlfriend, can I still smoke weed?"
"As long as you don't do it inside Wayne Manor, I really don't care."
Batgirl's eyes widened. Her mouth hung open like a rusty hatch.
"My God," she said. "They are going to do the sex at each other."
"So… did you plan it?"
"Did I plan what?" Batman asked.
Catwoman looked around, before she leaned into him.
"Did you really not know Zatanna was gonna get Batgirl out of her wheelchair?" she asked. "I won't tell anybody if you did."
Now Batman looked around.
"Between you and me?"
Catwoman nodded.
He leaned in further and put his lips to the ear of her cowl.
"I had no idea," Batman whispered. "If anything, I'd have bet on Zatanna knowing better than to mess with her."
As he pulled away, Catwoman thought about that, and was satisfied. Bruce Wayne couldn't lie to Selina Kyle, after all.
"You've never told me why you call me 'Sailor,' " Batman said.
"It's a Fiona Apple song," Catwoman said. "'O' Sailor.' Fiona Apple's been narrating my life for the last twenty years, and she doesn't even know it. If it bothers you, we can call each other Bat and Cat. That won't get annoying at all."
"Your pet name for me came from a Fiona Apple song?"
"Just to look at you," Catwoman said, "I'd think of you as the kind of guy who just listens to classical music. Maybe some jazz. But you can't stand Rock and Roll."
Batman sighed. "Why does everyone think that?"
Catwoman smiled. "I'm gonna find Pat Boone records in your bedroom the same way you find nudie mags in anyone else's, right?"
Batman lowered his head. "I still have the Misfits t-shirt I bought in high school."
She blinked. "Wow," she said. "I'm gonna have to get used to shit like that coming out of Batman's mouth."
Someone next to them cleared their throat.
They looked, and saw Wonder Woman standing there. And she was looking down between them. They followed her eye-line.
Batman and Catwoman were holding hands.
And for the life of them, neither could remember reaching for the other.
Wonder Woman looked back up at them. Her lips were smiling and her tone was jovial… but Catwoman couldn't help but notice that there was a hint of sadness behind her eyes that she was desperately trying to hide.
"Fine," Wonder Woman said. "Both of you be that way."
And off she walked.
As she watched Wonder Woman walk away, Catwoman turned to Batman.
"You gonna walk me home?"
"We both have bikes down here," Batman said. "I'll ride next to you, sure."
"You staying for dinner?"
Batman cocked his head at her.
She smiled. "You staying for breakfast?"
Batman didn't say anything.
"Ohhhh," Catwoman said. "You haven't had The Talk yet. Well, when an unstable Creature-of-the-Night vigilante and the greatest thief with the juiciest ass in the world love each other very much, he puts his Batmobile in her-"
"Stop," Batman said. "We haven't even gone on our first date yet."
Catwoman put her hand on her hip, and looked at him disbelievingly.
"Please don't tell me you're the guy who only Frenches after the third date."
"Of course I am," Batman said. "Who else did you think I was?"
Catwoman was about to say something, but then thought against it, deciding on something else.
"Y'know what? That's fair."
Over on the other side of the terminal, The Flash had returned, and had struck up a conversation.
"Look," The Flash said. "All I'm saying is that I could have come in, disconnected the thing Zatanna was hooked up to, and stopped them all before anything could have happened."
"Did you want to risk it?"
"No," The Flash said. "But I'm saying if I did want to risk it, we could have been out of here on Day One with fewer casualties all around. I mean, I'm The Flash, why shouldn't I do what I do best?"
Wonder Woman looked confused.
"What you do best is sexually harass Power Girl about her outfit. How would that have helped us?"
The Flash was about to reply to this, but something caught his eye.
"Hey," he said. "Who brought the pool noodle?"
"So you're saying if Zatanna just asked you about what she was going to do, you'd have said no?"
Batgirl sighed. "I would have said yes. You were dying, Dick. I just wanted the option to say no. She used my body against my will."
Nightwing hunched his shoulders. "About that," he said. "You… you do know that Zatanna was used the same way you were, right? I mean, I know I'm comparing apples to oranges here, but she was used to set a bunch of people on fire."
Batgirl hadn't thought of that. And she didn't want to think about that until she was done being pissed off at her.
"If that's the case," Batgirl said, "then she of all people should have known better."
"She was under mind control," Nightwing said. "She didn't know better. I don't think she knows what happened over the last few days at all. She portals herself into the hospital, how are the people there gonna look at her?"
Batgirl felt like getting her glare on, but Nightwing cut her off.
"I'm not trying to tell you how to feel," Nightwing said. "I'm not trying to guilt you into… whatever the hell. I'm just trying to forewarn you and forearm you. The two of you are in the Justice League, which means the two of you are inevitably gonna have another conversation. I'm just getting Oracle the info she needs."
She felt herself calm down a little.
"Speaking of which," Nightwing said, "Now that what's happened… happened, how are you gonna play the immediate future? You Batgirl full time again?"
Batgirl smirked.
"Let's say," she said, "just for the sake of argument, that as soon as I leave this tunnel, a giant anvil with 'ACME' written on the side falls out of the sky and kills me. Once I'm in the ground, either someone's gonna come out of the wilderness to become the next Batgirl, or someone else will become the next Oracle."
She took a step toward him.
"There might be a better Batgirl out there. Maybe. But no one will ever be a better Oracle than me."
Nightwing smiled. "So you're Oracle."
Batgirl took her cowl off.
"Oracle till I die," said Barbara Gordon.
At this point, a great cry arose.
Not a Canary Cry, precisely, but close enough.
Black Canary ran up to Barbara and picked her up in her arms, jumping up and down and laughing wildly as she did so. Once she set her down, she looked at Barbara with a beaming face, before putting her hands on Barbara's shoulders and kissing her full on the lips.
Rest assured, the look on Nightwing's face was priceless.
Once she broke the kiss, Black Canary looked at Barbara, her smile, somehow actually having gotten wider.
"Huntress is in Bludhaven," she said. "I can get her here in ninety minutes. Just… Oh my God! Black Canary! Huntress! Batgirl! Birds of Prey! Kicking ass in Gotham for the first time ever! It's gonna be TIGHT!"
And with that, Black Canary smacked Barbara Gordon on the ass as though she were a fellow baseball player, and walked away, getting her phone out of her leather jacket.
Barbara stared off into the middle distance for a bit, before she said:
"Okay, one last night as Batgirl."
Nightwing seemed to be hung up on something else.
"Do, uh… Do I wanna know what you and Dinah get up to when we're not dating?"
Batgirl, her cowl back on her head, looked him dead in the eye.
"That depends," she said. "Do I get to ask what you get up to when we're not dating?"
"That won't work on me," Nightwing said. "You already know all about me and Kory."
"I'm not asking about you and Kory," Batgirl said. "I'm asking about you and Helena."
Nightwing groaned. "Fine. Have fun, Batgirl."
And he also smacked Batgirl on the ass.
She actually looked behind her at her own posterior on both sides, before she spoke again.
"I didn't know my ass was so popular," Batgirl said. "This is what it must be like to be you."
Nightwing nodded. "Pretty much, yeah."
As Batgirl walked toward Batman, Black Canary had finished her phone call. She was putting her phone back into her pocket, when she saw someone on the other side of the terminal, and called out.
"YO, BITCH!"
The Atom looked at her.
"No, not you."
Catwoman looked at her.
"Yeah, you. I want my rematch."
Nightwing saw The Atom talking to The Flash, and walked up to them.
"Dude," he said to The Flash.
"Duuuuuuuuuuude," said The Flash as he went in for a hug.
Once that was done, Nightwing turned to The Atom.
"Hey, Ryan," Nightwing said. "How's your first month going?"
"Well," The Atom said, "this is the first time I've been to Gotham City, and I had to take a small leave from my teaching job to come down here and man The Barricade. That's a thing. Other than that, I'm just trying to be likeable."
"You're likeable," said The Flash.
"You are," Nightwing said. "Know how I know? Because you've known me for a month, and you haven't once told a Dick Joke."
He pointed at The Flash. "This one? He's known me since we were sidekicks in the Teen Titans ten years ago, and he makes Dick Jokes all the time."
"Because Dick Jokes are funny," said The Flash.
"I tell Catwoman who I am," Nightwing said. "First thing out of her mouth? Dick Joke. Gets me to thinking maybe I should change it."
"Your name?" asked The Atom.
"I should go by… I dunno… Ric. Without the K, like Ric Flair."
The Flash nodded. "You do style and profile."
But The Atom shook his head. "I don't know. Ric Grayson? That… That just sounds stupid."
The Flash laughed. He looked at Nightwing, and pointed at The Atom.
"See? Likeable."
Catwoman eavesdropped as Batgirl talked to Batman.
"I need to get back to the manor. That's where my suit is, after all."
"I'll have the Batwing take you there. Take one of my spare Batpods for the evening. How did the Batmobile do?"
"Great. I, uh… used up both of the ejector seats, though."
"So they work. I'll have it airlifted out, too."
Catwoman turned around…
...and found herself face to face with Superman.
"Hi," he said.
"Uh… Hi."
"So," Superman said, "You and Batman?"
"Me and Batman."
He smiled. "Finally. That's great. If anyone deserves to be happy, it's Bruce."
"Did he ever talk about me at all?" Catwoman asked.
"Knowing him the way I do," Superman said, "the fact that he didn't talk about you would be the higher compliment."
"That makes sense."
Superman leaned in close to her.
"This is big for him," he said. "And because of the gravity of Bruce Wayne letting someone into his life, it is all the more fragile. Please be careful with him."
Catwoman tilted her head,
"I will," she said. "But for a second there, I thought you were gonna threaten me."
"I don't have to," Superman said. "Because if you break his heart… then I will look at you the same way I look at anyone else that I'm disappointed in."
Catwoman looked at Superman, and the very prospect of the Big Blue Boy Scout, the beacon of hope for whom no problem was too big or too small turning his gaze to her with glum sadness was actually, viscerally horrifying.
"Message received."
"Good," Superman said. He patted her on the shoulder, and started to walk away.
But something was bugging her.
"Superman?"
He turned to her.
"The, uh, the possibility that you're just a guy with a day job, is..."
"What about it?" Superman asked.
"Well, I've been thinking," Catwoman said. "You have a habit of showing up right where the action in Metropolis takes place. Big events, openings, corporate stuff, things like that."
"Yeah?"
"Now, you could get there really fast because you're Superman… or you could get there really fast because you're a member of the press pool that was covering those events anyway. You're not a reporter, are you?"
Superman blinked at Catwoman with a stony expression, and then looked at the rest of the room.
"Everyone?"
All assembled stopped and looked at him.
"I hate to be a pain about this," Superman said, "but Gotham City is still in turmoil, and we're the ones to save it, so…"
"Right," The Flash said, and he turned to The Atom. "Shrink down, buddy, you're taking The Flash Express out of here."
Black Canary looked at Starfire. "Can I catch a ride?"
"Of course," Starfire said.
And everyone else had rides.
Superman flew out, as did Wonder Woman. Starfire flew out, carrying Black Canary in her arms. The Flash ran out with a shrunken The Atom in the palm of his hand. Batgirl rode on the back of Nightwing's Nightcycle.
"I'm not gonna lie," she said before they peeled out. "I really missed this part."
Batman and Catwoman looked at each other.
"Are you ready?" Batman asked.
"Um… Actually…"
"You're looking for Lex Luthor's targeting system."
Catwoman sighed. "He offered me a blank check to get it back. Can you blame me?"
"No," Batman said. "I can't. If he made it illegally, then he hasn't patented the design. If the Justice League analyzes it before you shake him down for God knows how much money, then he can literally pay us to make his own illegal technology obsolete when WayneTech builds something to safeguard against it."
"Uh-huh," Catwoman said. "And if I asked for a hefty finder's fee from the Justice League?"
"Maybe not the Justice League," Batman said, "but certainly from Wayne Enterprises. You did do a lot of work to find it, after all."
"That's sneaky."
"It is.
"It's underhanded."
"I know."
"Have I told you how much I love you?"
"Not yet."
"Remind me to later," Catwoman said.
She reached up and rubbed his lips with her glove.
"What are you doing?" Batman asked.
"Wiping the dried blood off your lips," she said.
Once she had done this to her satisfaction, she leaned in and softly kissed him on the lips.
She broke the kiss, and said "And I managed to do it without third date tongue. Be right back."
Catwoman almost skipped away from Batman, disappearing beyond a terminal toward the upstairs luxury hotel where the LexCorp system was located.
Batman was the sole occupant of the terminal, now.
He was alone.
But not for long, though.