The aroma of the coffee was already starting to clear the fog of sleep from his mind as Nathan poured some of the hot liquid into his mug. Though he had dressed, he hadn't yet put on his uniform. He had other plans for the morning, and attracting attention with his uniform was not included.
A quick knock, followed by the door opening caught Nathan's attention. Looking in that direction, he wasn't surprised to find Gabriel, in uniform, coming through the door.
"Good morning," Gabriel said cheerfully. A little too cheerfully for Nathan's taste at this point in the morning. "Where is the birthday girl?"
"Still sleeping last I looked," Nathan replied. "She takes after me. Mornings are here least favorite time of the day."
Gabriel smiled. "Not sure how you can't enjoy the dawn of a new day," he said. Gabriel looked at the clock. "I'll get the pancakes started and then go wake her up. She'll be ready for school on time, so take your coffee and go find a place to read your letter," he told Nathan, as he knew about the letters Colleen had left for Nathan and Ally. "Do you want to wait for you to start breakfast?"
Nathan shook his head. "No, you don't have to wait. I don't want to worry about a time restraint. People in this town can find me if I'm a little late getting to the office this morning and they need me."
"Okay," Gabriel said.
Having made his way to where Nathan was standing, Gabriel rested his hand on his friend's shoulder. "This might be the only quiet time you'll get today. Ally will forgive you not being here when she wakes up. Especially as she gets a present before school," he said, knowing where his friend's thoughts were right now. "Now go."
"Thanks, for all you've done over the years," Nathan told him. "I wouldn't have been able to do it without you and your family."
Gabriel shook his head. "You would have figured something out, I know that, but I'm glad I could help. After all its what a god father is supposed to do, right."
"Yes," Nathan said with a nod. "I should probably disappear before Ally wakes up and starts asking questions," he said. He had decided to wait until after her party to give Ally the letter from her mother. He wasn't sure how it would affect his niece, and Nathan wanted her to be able to enjoy her special day.
"What do you want me to tell her when she asks where you are?"
"Tell her I'm taking a walk, and I'll be back to take her to school," Nathan told him.
Gabriel nodded. As Nathan headed for the door, Gabriel started finding the things for the pancakes.
Nathan grabbed his coat. As he stepped outside, Nathan pulled the coat on, thankful for its protection against the early morning chill. Gabriel had Apollo, tied outside, the things he had brought with him already packed. Nathan ran his hand down the black's neck as he thought about where to go. Finally deciding that the pond should be quiet enough at this time of day, he headed in that direction.
Nathan tried not to look in a hurry, but he still took long strides as he headed for the pond. Though he didn't want to attract attention, he couldn't deny his anticipation at hearing new words from his sister.
Reaching the dock, Nathan took the folded envelope out of his pocket and sat down on one of the stumps that had been placed on the dock. Opening up the envelope, Nathan pulled out the piece of paper and unfolded it. Just seeing his sister's handwriting again made his breath catch. Reminding himself to breathe, Nathan began reading.
My Nate,
So, was I right? Have you been raising my little girl? I realize that I will never know for sure, but please forgive me, because I plan on writing these letters to you as if you were. As I wrote in my previous letter, in my heart I know it will be you raising Ally.
I'm sure the years that have passed have been hard. I know you've missed me. I know you've shed tears of my passing, even if no one else has seen them. I know you, Nathan. I know you feel things deeply, even if you try to keep them inside. I remember when we were kids and you would come to my room during a storm. Mom and I just figured it was the storm scaring you and you never said otherwise until eventually I got you to admit it wasn't the storm but the scratching sound you heard at your window. My little five-year-old brother was convinced someone was trying to get into the house when it was only the branch from the tree outside. The extra weight from the water on the leaves was just enough to let the branch reach your window during a storm. Even though I was only seven, I realized then that I'd have to prod to get you to talk about your thoughts and feelings. It's one of the things that I like most about your friend Gabriel. He's already learned that about you. He knows when to push you to open up and when to be patient. I hope very much that he is still a part of your life.
Nathan found himself smiling, both because of the memory and because of the comments about Gabriel. Perhaps Gabriel had a point. Perhaps he would have found a way to get through these past eight years without his help, but Nathan knew his life would have been much different. Different and not necessarily for the better. Just like these past few weeks. Nathan had a feeling headquarters would've gotten a much different report if Bill hadn't called Gabriel, because Nathan knew he would've probably kept much more inside him instead of talking things out.
I also hope, my dear brother, that these years have been kind to you. I hope that you found a way to live your dreams while raising a child you hadn't planned for. I know that you would have done all you can to make Ally's life a happy one. I just hope that didn't mean giving up too many of your own dreams. I hope that you are happy.
Nathan thought briefly of the inspector promotion that he had let go by last Christmas. Yes, he had given it up for Ally. When he had seen how much she was going to miss what she had found here in Hope Valley, he knew he couldn't take her away from it. However, he had also past it up for himself as well. In the short time he had been in Hope Valley, the town and its people had changed him as well.
Nathan looked up, actually seeing his surroundings for the first time that morning. The white schoolhouse and church sat across the pond. It was quiet now, though Nathan knew that would soon change. He let his gaze drift to the cluster of buildings that made up the town. The town which had opened its arms to him and Ally and embraced them as one of their own.
"Yes, Colleen, I'm happy," Nathan found himself saying softly.
I also hope that you have found someone special to share your life with. You have so much to give to someone. I know that having a family of your own always scared you because you were afraid of repeating our father's mistakes. You are definitely not perfect my dear brother, I grew up with you so I know, but you could never repeat those mistakes. You care too much for the people in your life, and people in general, for that to ever happen. You deserve the joy of holding a child of your own. I know your smile would be even brighter then the first time you held Ally in your arms. You deserve to know the comfort of knowing there is always someone there for you no matter what the day has brought. You deserve to be loved by someone who loves you unconditionally. Who knows you well enough to push to get you to share your thoughts and your feelings. If you haven't seen, though I'm sure you have by now, there is a letter for that woman from me. Whether she is already a part of your life or you have yet to found her, I hope you will give her that letter from me when the time is right.
Most of all, I hope that you have found a network of people, wife or not, who can help you with Ally. People who can teach her the things you can't, remember I'm the one that taught you to sew on a button and the was a trial all on its own. People who can offer advice when she tries your patience, and if she hasn't already, she will. Trust me. I gave mom a hard enough time after all. I hope that she has a woman in her life, whether it is your wife, a teacher, a friend's mother or someone else, whom she can talk to about things that she won't feel comfortable talking to you about. My teenage years were a series of ups and down and emotional storms. I have no doubt that Ally's will be much the same and as wonderful as you are, being a parent was never meant to be a solo job.
You'll do the best you can, I know that. That's all I can ask of you - to do your best in raising her and to love our little girl.
Love, Colleen
Finishing the letter, Nathan folded it. He knew he would read it again, like he had her first letter, but for now, he just tried to let her words sink in. It was amazing how much his sister had been able to foresee. It was almost as if she had written those words while looking down from above.
Nathan found himself once again thinking of the people of Hope Valley. Since the moment Ally had arrived in town, people had been looking out for her. Granted, some of those attempts had gone over better than others, Nathan admitted recalling Lucas' attempt at making her less anxious about being the new kid in school. Still, he knew that by staying in Hope Valley, he did have that network of people to help him look out for Ally that Colleen had talked about in her letter.
There was Elizabeth, who had taken to Ally right from the start. She had been patient but firm with Ally at the beginning. She had helped his niece make friends and then helped with the sleep over when she had. Opal's mother had been wonderful as well, willing to let Ally stay with them whenever his job took him out of town for an extended period of time and now she was teaching Ally to sew. Bill looked out for Ally whenever she was in town. Lee and Rosemary were always willing to help out as well. Then there was everyone helping to make Ally's birthday party this evening be a pleasant experience.
Yes, he had the network of people to help him raise Ally. He might even possibly have that someone special that Colleen had wished for him.
"Am I interrupting?" a familiar voice asked, as if on cue.
Nathan looked in the direction of the voice to see Elizabeth sitting astride Sargent. The black horse stood quietly, as Elizabeth looked down at him.
"You are never an interruption," Nathan told her as he got to his feet. The folded letter was still in his hands, but he didn't try hiding it from Elizabeth. "I just finished reading a letter from my sister," he told her. "Colleen was sick for a while before she passed. Before she died, she wrote a series of letters for me and Ally to be opened at different points over the years. Ally doesn't yet know about them as the first one Colleen wrote for her was for her twelfth birthday. I plan on giving it to her after her party this evening."
"That will be nice for, Ally," Elizabeth said. "To have a piece of her mother. She's talked to me a few times about how she's having a hard time remembering her which is why she was so keen on having her grandfather share his stories with her. I hope the letters help with that as well."
Nathan nodded. "She has been asking more about her mother this past year or so. I wanted to blame it on starting the charm bracelet last Christmas, but it started even before that. Perhaps it's just the way things were supposed to be. Maybe Ally has healed enough to start asking those questions. I often questioned why Colleen waited for the first letter to be given to Ally on her twelfth birthday but perhaps my sister knew something that I didn't even then."
"My mother use to tell my sisters and me that a mother just knows things."
Nathan smiled. "If that's the case, perhaps I shouldn't even try to figure it out."
"Sometimes is best just to accept things as they are and not try to figure things out," Elizabeth told him.
"I'll have to try to remember that," Nathan commented.
Elizabeth smiled. "I should probably get Sargent back to his stall so I can get ready for school. Laura showed up early so I could go for an early morning ride."
"Gabe's probably got breakfast ready. He's heading back to Brookfield after breakfast, but he wanted to cook Ally her favorite cinnamon and raisin pancakes for her birthday."
"I take it they're not something you usually make."
Nathan laughed. "No," he told her. "Believe, I've tried but I always manage to mess something up. Regular pancakes is about the best I can do."
Elizabeth laughed too. "There was a time where I couldn't even accomplish that, so don't feel too bad," Elizabeth told him. "But I'll let you get to your breakfast and I'll see you later."
Nathan gave a nod. "Bye, Elizabeth."
"Bye, Nathan," Elizabeth told him and then signaled Sargent to start forward.
Nathan watched her for a few moments before tucking the letter back in its envelope. Putting the envelope in his pocket so that Ally wouldn't ask what it was, Nathan headed back toward the house.
Walking indoors, Nathan was greeted by the aroma of cinnamon. He paused just inside the door enjoying the smell for a moment before removing his coat. He was shrugging out of the coat when Ally came bounding toward him.
"Uncle Nathan, look what Mr. Gabe got for me," Ally said excitedly holding up her right hand. On the first finger of that hand, the small opal in a silver ring, caught the morning light coming through the windows and showed off its colors.
"That's beautiful," Nathan told her, though Gabriel had already shown it to him. "And Happy Birthday, Ally."
"Thank-you," Ally replied. She glanced at the ring and then up at her uncle. "I'm not sure what to do with it when I'm not wearing though. I don't want it to get lost."
"Just keep it on your finger for now," Nathan told her. "We'll figure something out," he added, thinking of the jewelry box he had made her and she would be getting tonight.
Ally nodded.
"Now, let's get back to breakfast. I don't want you to be late for school," he told her ushering her back toward the table, where Gabriel was placing the plate of pancakes he'd left on the stove to keep warm, on the table.
The three made small talk as they at breakfast. As they had started before him, Nathan was still eating when Ally and Gabe finished breakfast.
"Do you have something to eat for the trail?" Nathan asked Gabriel as Ally went upstairs for her school things.
Gabriel nodded as he sipped from a second mug of coffee. "Clara came over with some sandwiches for me this morning as I was leaving the saloon."
"That was nice of her," Nathan commented as he took another bite of the pancakes that Gabriel had made.
"It was," Gabriel agreed. "I can see how this place finally got under your skin, which I thought would never happen."
"What do you mean by that?" Nathan asked.
"Exactly what I said. That night we spent together during the orienteering exercise, you told me that one of the biggest draws to joining the Mounties for you had been the chance to see different places. I took that comment at face value that night. You definitely weren't the first person to join the Mounties looking for adventure. Once I got to know you a bit better I realized there was more to it. Moving around for your job was the perfect cover for the fact that you didn't want to get attached to any place or anyone."
"I loved my mother and my sister," Nathan stated.
"I know. However, you said yourself during training that you weren't interested in having a family of your own. If your sister hadn't passed and you had to step up for your niece, I have a feeling that never would have changed. I think Ally opened the door so could see what you were missing by closing yourself off to that possibility. The people of Hope Valley just managed to open the door the rest of the way and refused to let you close it again."
Nathan nodded, amused by Gabriel's analogy. That had always been the biggest different between them. While Nathan had been adamant that he had no plans to start a family or settling down, Gabriel always said that one day he wanted those things. That he knew they were out there for him and he would find them when the time is right.
"It's funny, isn't?" Nathan questioned. "The one that didn't want a family is the one that ends up with a family first."
Gabriel shook his head. "No, I don't think it's funny at. I think it is God at work. God knew he had to show you what you were missing. He knew it would take longer. With me, I've just got to be patient until the timing is right."
Nathan put down his fork as a memory came back to him. A memory of Colleen that he hadn't thought about since right after her death.
"Nathan, are you okay?"
Gabriel's question brought Nathan back to the presence. Looking across the table he could see the concern on his friend's sight.
"You seemed far away there."
"In a way, I was," Nathan admitted. "Your comment about the timing is right reminded me of something Colleen told me a few days before she passed. I remember asking her how she could be so calm about what was happening seeing as every time I tried to pray all I ended up doing was shouting at God. Colleen told me she had already been at that point. That she finally discovered that being angry was simply robbing her of the time that she did have left. She said that God had helped her find peace with death and that he had a reason for everything, even if we couldn't see what it was. It always amazed me how in those final days she was more of a comfort for me then I think I was for her."
"She knew you were going to look after Ally. I think that was all the comfort that she needed at that point."
Nathan nodded, afraid to try speaking right then as he could feel the emotions close to the surface. The last thing he wanted was for Ally to come down and find him crying on her birthday of all days.
Hearing her footsteps on the stairs, Nathan stood up and quickly gathered some of the dirty dishes from the table. Turning for the kitchen area, Nathan had his back to the stairs when Ally came down.
Knowing that Nathan needed a few moments, Gabriel turned to face Ally. There was no missing the fact that she was upset about something.
"Why the long face?" Gabriel asked her.
"I wanted to do something special with my hair for today, but nothing comes out right."
"Go grab your brush and a ribbon," Gabriel told her.
Ally gave him a skeptical look, but sitting her school things on the table did as Gabriel told her. When Ally came back downstairs, Gabriel had her sit in a chair. While Nathan watched, Gabriel braided two sections of Ally's hair on either side and then used the ribbon to secure them together in the back.
"Four sisters and four nieces come in handy for something, huh?" Nathan commented.
"Yeah but don't you dare tell Bill or any other Mounties that I know how to braid hair. I'll never live it down," Gabriel replied. "That goes for you too," he told Ally.
"I won't," Ally said, a smile on her face again.
"And now I think I need to get going so that your Uncle can get you to school."
"I'm going to miss you," Ally said, standing up and throwing her arms around Gabriel.
Gabriel hugged the girl back.
"I'll miss you too, but we'll stay in touch. Perhaps you can even talk your uncle into bringing you to Brookfield at some point."
"That would be fun," Ally replied, taking a step back.
"Are you two making plans for me again?" Nathan joked.
"Maybe," Ally replied.
"Get your coat, so you won't be late," Nathan told her.
Coming over to the table, Nathan picked up her school things. Leaving the rest of the cleanup for after he took Ally to school, Nathan followed her toward the door. When Ally was done buttoning her coat, Nathan handed his niece's thing to her and grabbed his own coat.
The three headed outside.
"Be careful on your journey home, Gabe," Nathan said, turning to his friend.
"I always am," Gabriel replied. Stepping close he gave Nathan a brotherly hug.
"Thanks for coming," Nathan said in a low voice during the hug.
"Anytime," Gabriel told him, before they broke away. He turned to Ally. "Keep him out of trouble," he told her pointing to Nathan.
Ally laughed. "I'll try."
Placing his hat on his head, Gabriel untied Apollo and mounted the horse. With a final nod to Nathan and Ally, he turned the horse and headed in the direction for the road to Brookfield. Nathan and Ally watched until Gabriel and Apollo were out of sight.
"Let's get you to school," Nathan said, putting an arm across Ally's shoulders as he steered her toward the schoolhouse.