yo homies, it's another chap of windfall for you. c: EDIT: oops somehow a few lines in the beginning were lost when I copied it over from the original doc?! it's really weird, never had that happen before.. but now the lines referencing Courage's disablity are there. it was important for the plot to tie everything together so im embarrassed it got lost but better late than never i guess.

Chapter 27: Cactus Days

Hex and I left his tent house, only to be surrounded by angry villagers with torches and pitchforks.

"QUICK, IN HERE!" Hex demanded, hurrying me over to his pickup truck. We got inside and he sped outta Devil's Bluff, all his neighbors shouting and cursing at me.

We drve out to Tech Square, it was a tense car ride but Hex turned on the radio for me. As soon he I did though Michael Jackson's Thriller came on and we both just sat in uncomfortable silence as the song played, extremely unnerved since it was 11:45 at night and we were on our way to save my (ex?)boyfriend.

"SO YOUR BOYFRIEND IS MANDARK, YES?" asked Hex to try and break the uncomfortable silence.

"No," I corrected quickly, I didn;t even want to think about dating Mandark gross. "My bogfriend is Dexter."

"HMM... I ACTUALLY SPOKE WITH HIM RECENTLY."

"You did?!" I asked surprised?! "what did he say?!"

"HE MOSTLY YELLED AT ME FOR BANISHING HIS RECTUM TO ANOTHER DIMENSION," Hex said and laughed, the sick bastard!

"What? How could you have done that Hex?!" I argued.

"I WILL TELL YOU EXACTLY WHAT I TOLD HIM," Hex said rolling his eyes, "HE WILL BE JUST FINE LIVING WITHOUT ONE. THE PINK DOG, COURAGE, LACKS ONE AS WELL."

"no he won't people need buttholes to survive you-" I was about to deck him in the face despite the fact that he was driving but what he said stopped me. "Wait... you told him that Courage doesn't have a hiney hle?"

"YES THAT IS WHAT I JUST SAID MS. WALTER."

"But then... if you told him this... why did he go postal on Courage for farting in the Dexlabs conference room?" I started shaking, and crying. "Why would he blame courage if he knew he couldn't fart in the first place?!"

"OH... I AM AFRAID IT IS LIKELY THE GHOST THAT CAUSED THE BEHAVIOR YOU WITNESSED."

I sniffled. "I should've known. I should've looked at Courage's behind to see if he actually could pass gas. I've... I've failed you, Dexter..."

"I AM SURE HE WILL BE FINE, WIND," said Hex, he didn't believe it though he was just saying that to comfort me.

"I don't" I said. "I think he's going to die. I think he's going to be taken over by this awful ghost, or whatever it is, and then he'll die and the ghost won't be able to keep his body anyway 'cause it's a ghost, it can't keep a human body functioning on its own."

"PESSISMISM WILL GET YOU NOWHERE, MS. WALTER,"

"AND HOW ON EARTH CAN I BE AN OPTIMIST WITH EVERYTHING I'VE BEEN GOING THROUGH?!" I shouted, hot tears raining from my eyes. "I LOSE MY JOB, I'M RESPONSIBLE FOR MY BOSS' DEATH, I LOSE TWO BOYFRIENDS IN THE SPAN OF WEEKS, MY BROTHER WAS HELD HOSTAGE ON HIS OWN CAMPUS, MY FRIEND REX WAS VAPORIZED BEFORE MY VERY EYES, I HAD A FREAKY SCIENTIST INTRODUCE HIMSELF TO ME THREE TIMES, I SCREWED A TREE THAT FLIRTED WITH MY MOM, MY MOM IS PREGNANT WITH A HALF-DEMON CHILD THAT WAS FATHERED BY A DEMON I ALSO HAD SEX WITH, THAT TOM-CATTING BASTARD, MY MOM'S BOYFRIEND LEFT HER NOW THAT SHE'S PREGGERS, MY BOYFRIEND HAS A GHOST POSSESSING HIS BODY AND I HAVE CHLAMYDIA AND ONLY TWO YEARS LEFT TO LIVE!"

Hex swerved on the road in shock. "YOU HAVE CHLAMYDIA?!"

"Uh... yeah..."

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME WHEN I ASKED YOU TO SHOW ME AROUND YOUR BACKYARD?"

"I'm sorry Hex I forgot" "Uh... this doesn't mean you're not going to help Dexter, does it?"

"NO!" Hex said happily. "I KNOW AN OLD FOLK REMEDY FOR CHLAMYDIA, WIND! I CAN CURE YOU!"

"WHOA WAIT WHAT WHAT THE FCOK?!" I said, filled with joy! "Y-You can cure me?!"

"CERTAINLY, MS. WALTER!" Hex said, smiling.

"But how come Dr. Him said there was no cure?!"

"MAINSTREAM DOCTORS NEVER RECOMMEND HOME REMEDIES, THEY'RE ALL ABOUT SCIENCE, NOT SPIRITUALITY. DON'T HOLD IT AGAINST HIM, MS. WALTER. HE PROBABLY HAD SOMEONE CLOSE TO HIM DIE FROM A HOME REMEDY GONE WRONG AND IT'S JUST A VERY PAINFUL SUBJECT FOR HIM."

"Oh."

"ONCE WE SAVE YOUR BOYFRIEND, I'LL PERFORM THE CLEANSING RITUAL ON YOU. YOU'RE GOING TO BE FINE."

Slowly, my newly-restored lifespan dawned on me. A broad smile grew on my face. I was going to live! I was going to watch my new baby sibling grow up, and save the world, and possibly go on to marry Dexter and have a family of my own! And I'd finally get to go to college! My entire life was still ahead of me!

"AW, YEAH!" I said, pumping my fists in the air, but I punched Hex's arm and he swerved off the road into a ditch filled with cactuses, the hood of the car crumpled like an accordion or very soft bread and the windshield shattered as dozens upon dozens of cactuses poured into the cab. I screamed, covering my face, thankfully I was wearing my Babycake Tank with the durable gloves so I wasn't harmed. Once the onslaught was over I brought my arms down, taking in the scene. There were cactused all over the dashboard, lodged in the headlights, stuck in the hood, one had even wound up in the trunk huh wonder how that got there. I looked over at Hex.

"Hex? AAAH!" I shrieked, Hex had cactuses stuck all over him, even his face, it looked very painful. There was blood everywhere, even on me. He was still alive; his breathing was shallow.

"Hex?!" I said again, and began plucking the cactuses from his face half so he could speak and half so I could ease his pain.

When I uncovered his face he said, "WIND... I'M NOT GOING TO MAKE IT..."

"S-Sure you are!" I said, crying. He was suffering so much. "You're going to be fine! Just stay with me, Hex!"

"NO... I'M NOT..." he said, and weakly nodded down. "LOOK."

I looked down at his torso. He'd been impaled by a massive saguaro in the crash. No... there was no way he'd be surviving this.

I bit my lip, overcome with sorrwo. "Hex... I'm so sorry..."

"D... DO NOT BE, WIND," he said, quickly fading away. "I HAD... FUN. PLEASE... TAKE MY STAFF... USE IT TO EXPEL THE EVIL SPIRIT FROM YOUR BOYFRIEND'S BODY. DO IT... FOR ME..."

I reached for the staff on the backseat, and clutched it in my hands, crying hard. "I... I will. I won't let you down."

"I... HAVE FAITH... IN YOU... MS. WALTER... YOU WILL DO... GREAT THINGS..."

"Thank you, Hex," I said, and went to wipe away a tear, but then asked "Wait! What about the cure for my chalmydia?!"

But it was too late.

Hex was already dead.

Overcome with fury, I pounded on the dashborad, crushing the cactuses under my fists like fresh produce, screaming and crying in anguish. I'd been so close. So close to a cure. Now, my only help was dead. My life was just getting worse and worse.

No... I couldn't let this continue. Couldn't let the world keep walking all over me like this. gritting my teeth together in a snarl, I looked up from the cactus mush and into the distance. My luck was going to changre. And I was going to make it change.