Chapter Thirty-Seven: Damn

Ahsoka had planned for many eventualities about her and Vader's conspiracy to overthrown Palpatine. Disagreements with Vader over raising the twins. Disagreements with Vader in general. Dealing with Vader's awful temper. Confronting her own traumas. Raising and leading the rebellion. Eventually explaining to High Command that she was working with Vader. Mediating both sides once Palpatine was dead, hopefully, able to find a middle ground between Vader's Empire and the Republic that most of her High command valued so much. What she had never in a million lightyears planned, prepared, or fathomed for was Vader having a crush on her.

Crush wasn't even the right word. It was too juvenile. Diya had crushes. On her favorite actors in movies and shows and on the musicians who fought the dramatic censoring of the music industry by releasing and playing music from underground venues. What she'd discovered from Vader toward her wasn't a crush. It felt like something a lot more substantial than that. Crush was just the only safe word that she had for it.

If she were absolutely truthful about what she sensed, it wasn't all coming from him. It felt more like a feedback loop, making it impossible to know where the feeling began and where the feeling ended.

But how the hell had this happened?

They probably only saw each other in person three times a year. Four at most. Last year it was twice. They hadn't crossed paths on a mission since Bacrana, but that was because they always made sure to coordinate their missions so they didn't and so Vader could continue to maintain some semblance of official Imperial ignorance to her dealings. Those fortnightly comm calls always took up way too much of her time. The coordination was the easy part. It was getting to the coordination and finishing it in the midst of their bickering or getting sidetracked about one thing or another th—Oh, Ahsoka suddenly thought to herself. That's how it happened. Part of it anyway.

Ahsoka resisted the urge to groan out loud. She was just lonely. Whatever these feelings were, they weren't real. In a galaxy where she was keeping secrets from everyone, it was refreshing to not have to hold back anything from Vader. To not have to hide parts of who she was to protect herself or someone else. It was only natural. The feeling would pass.

"You are thinking incredibly loud right now," Vader said from beside her, his mask back on but without the mechanical breathing after he tweaked the pacemaker to temporarily be silent.

"Stay out of my head then," Ahsoka growled, giving Vader a mental shove.

"I'm not in your head," Vader replied, mentally shoving her back.

Ahsoka started to debate that. But then she remembered how over the past day or so she'd get impressions of a memory that didn't feel like it totally belonged to her. Like a melding of points of view. She hadn't thought much of them before, but now…

"It appears we've found your base," Vader commented as they came upon a small clearing in the dense forest where sat a large metal structure.

It had to be an old outpost from possibly centuries ago by the way the wildlands seemed to have reclaimed it. An early attempt at settling the area before settlers gave up. A quick check with the Force confirmed people were inside. Many of them. All rebels and sympathizers hiding out after the fall out of the attack a few days ago, Ahsoka guessed.

"Okay. Here's the plan," Ahsoka began. "I'll go inside and see what they have to say. If this is the misunderstanding that I hope it is, maybe they can help lead us to the true culprits."

"You think I'm going to let you go inside and face a group of potential terrorists while I stand outside and wait?" Vader asked.

"Yes. That's exactly what you're going to do. I'm not going to intimidate them and give them any ideas by bringing Darth Vader with me. Not only is no one supposed to know we're working together, but it will undoubtedly give people the wrong idea at this point."

Ahsoka sensed Vader's mood darken, a sure sign that he was losing patience about this entire situation.

"I didn't like this situation before I agreed to let you come on this mission, and I like it even less now. This may not be a trap, but this is undoubtedly a dangerous predicament. You showed your spy your insignia, and he ran. What other proof do you need that this cell is as unsavory and corrupted as the other terrorist rebellions across the galaxy that you try to distance your alliance from?" Before Ahsoka could answer, Vader continued, "I have a bad feeling about this. And so do you."

"You're being paranoid is what," Ahsoka replied. She groaned and then added, "And you're letting your stupid crush on me cloud your judgment."

"For the last time, I don't have a crush on you. That's beneath me."

"Oh. I know…"

"And you're only projecting your own feelings onto me because you don't want to admit their actual source."

Ahsoka opened her mouth to respond before pausing and shaking her head. She and Vader could work this out later. Right now, it was an unnecessary distraction. Maybe she could make that number thirteen.

"Whatever. Either way, you stay out here. I'll let you know if I need backup."

That said, Ahsoka made her way into the clearing, leaving Vader to stew in his anger just beyond it. Unsurprisingly, whatever security the group had set up alerted the cell as soon as she stepped in a certain radius and out came a mismatched group of three guards with blasters pointed at her.

"You can put those away," Ahsoka said calmly. "I mean no harm. Fulcrum sent me."

Ahsoka flicked her wrist to show the watch with her insignia on it once again. The three guards exchanged a look before nodding and gesturing for her to follow them. As they led her inside, they flanked her on all sides, their blasters still pointed at her. She hadn't wanted to admit it to Vader, but his paranoia was well warranted. Their hostility towards her didn't bode well.

Once they were secure inside the base, another guard stepped forward. He patted her down, finding all three of her lightsabers and her blaster, but not the blade she kept in her boots. Then they took her to the rogue-ish dark-haired man who led the Eriadu cell. Dek.

"Well, if it isn't one of the Fulcrum's favorite agents. Aisha. How have you been?" Dek asked, calling Ahsoka by one of the many aliases she used when she had to make personal visits to rebellion cells.

As far as most that she'd had to make contact with, she was the Fulcrum's chief lieutenant. Only Diya, Ahsoka's Jedi tracking task force, and her most elite Fulcrum agents knew the truth of her identity. Considering the situation she was currently dealing with, Ahsoka was glad she'd had the foresight to keep her identity secret from the broader rebellion.

Ahsoka decided to take a page out of Vader's book and skip the pleasantries.

"Dek. What's going on? The entire planet is on lockdown, and no communication can get in or out of the system. But even before all that, Fulcrum hadn't heard from you or the agent she left here. You were supposed to give her monthly updates on your status. You missed the last one," Ahsoka pointed out.

"Yeah. About the agent. They had an unfortunate accident," Dek said with a shrug.

"What kind of accident?" Ahsoka asked as the bad feeling she had increased, and this time, a Force warning backed it up. She shifted her weight some to get a better footing.

"The kind where you drown in a swamp and get eaten by the beasts of the swamp," Dek said. "You know, like the unfortunate one that's about to happen to you."

Ahsoka didn't question the instincts that told her to duck and then sweep her leg around to trip the guard that had been silently coming up behind her with some piece of cloth in his hand. He fell backward with a loud thud as Ahsoka stood back up and spun around to grab hold of the rifle blaster the twi'lek guard pointed at her. She redirected it to shoot the three guards that burst into the room with blasters cocked after hearing the commotion. Then she directed it down to the fallen guard that was struggling back to his feet, downing him yet again with a bolt, kneed the twi'lek afterward, and snatched the rifle out her hand. She tossed the rifle to the farther corner of the room and far away from any of the felled guards. Then she summoned her two confiscated sabers to her hands, lighting and pointing both at Dek.

"Let's try this again," Ahsoka said, ever aware of the atmosphere in the Force thick with danger.

"Yes. Let's," Dek said, dropping a smoke bomb in the middle of the office.

Ahsoka was disoriented only as long as it took for her to reach out to the Force so she could find her way despite the smoke clouding the room that made her throat and eyes itch. She ignored the sensations, deeming them little more than irritations before letting the Force guide her to where Dek had run off to.

She was guided to a large open hanger where Dek was ushering his subordinates on board to escape. Upon seeing her, they opened fire as they made their way backwards up the ramp. Ahsoka advanced as she deflected bolts until, finally, the shooting stopped as the ship lifted into the air. Ahsoka leapt into the air, grabbing ahold of the ramp before it got to high up and preventing it from closing. She pulled herself up and into the ship, ducking the blaster that swung her way and tried to knock her to the ground beneath.

"This is insanity," Ahsoka said. "Stop this."

"Insanity is you bringing Vader here," Dek said, coming out with his blaster.

"I didn't bring Vader here." That wasn't a lie. He'd brought her technically. "You brought him here by killing civilians in a non-military target with your bomb."

"We didn't have a choice. It was the only way to get the attention of the Tarkins and all the other families who exploit us and our labor on this planet. The only way to remind the Empire that we're here and we're more powerful than they think. To make them know of only some of the pain that they've inflicted on us," Dek said, shooting at her.

"That is not the way this rebellion works," Ahsoka said, deflecting the bolts as the ship lurched backward, almost causing her to tumble back with the unexpected force.

"It should. Those missions you have us run? They're pointless. They're not doing anything. What we need to be doing is actually fighting the Empire?"

"What the hell do you think I'm getting ready for?" Ahsoka said, Dek's shot missing her as the ship lurched again. Kriff, there was no winning with some people. To High Command, she was too militant, and to groups like Dek, she wasn't doing enough. She added, "You don't care about this rebellion or the rest of the galaxy or fighting the Empire. You just wanted revenge. And you used what I taught you to get it."

Before Dek could answer to that, the ship lurched back again, managing to throw Ahsoka forward into the ship and causing Dek to fall back against the wall.

"What the kriff is that?" Dek asked.

"I don't know. It's like we're caught in a tractor beam, but we're not," the pilot yelled from the cockpit.

"What are you doing?" Dek demanded from Ahsoka.

"I haven't done anything," Ahsoka said, bracing herself against the wall as the ship began to descend. That said, she knew exactly who was, acutely aware of Vader's power firmly gripping the ship as he pulled it back towards the ground despite the pilot trying to resist.

Ahsoka sensed Dek's growing desperation as the engines stalled, and the ship began to steadily descend to the ground. The kind of desperation that foretold desperate actions. She was proven right when Dek reached in his pocket and pulled out a detonator.

"No," Ahsoka said, reaching out with the Force to try to contain some of the explosion since there was no cover for her to take as he activated the detonator.

The next thing Ahsoka knew, she was on the ground, unable to breathe as her body struggled to cough up dust and debris from the explosion. It could have been much worse had she not at least tried to contain the explosion. A trick she'd learned from Vader. A trick that was a last resort and took almost everything out of him when he'd been her Jedi master. He'd developed the trick over the years and given her a vague explanation of it a couple of years back when she asked how to do it. When she finally managed to cough up most of the debris, she pushed the rubble of the ship off of her and sat up, causing the echoed ringing in her montrals to become worse. But even with her focus disrupted, she sensed the biting chill of the dark side of the Force, the atmosphere thick with rage and fear and hate that made it harder to breathe than the debris did.

Ignoring the ringing in her montrals, she instinctively knew where to find Vader, and her eyes went to where he was. He held his lightsaber, advancing on the survivors of the explosion, of which there were many thanks to Ahsoka dampening the effect of the detonator. At the same time, he deflected the attacks of the rebels that had been left behind in the base that was now on fire and had come out to stop him. Apparently, she'd also taken the brunt of the bomb's impact, because somehow the rest of the crew had managed to get to their feet holding their blasters and shooting at Vader. Though he was surrounded on all sides, Vader was unbothered. The blaster bolts dissolved against whatever Force shield he'd conjured, and any time a rebel tried to get close, he either threw them aside with the Fore or cut them down with his lightsaber. Their fear further saturated the Force.

It was one thing to have your weapon taken from you. It was one thing for someone to deflect the shots from that weapon with another. But to have your weapon, to have a clear shot, to shoot a shot that would be a direct hit and have it bounce off your opponent, for your weapons to be useless in your hands? That brought another type of fear. A fear that Vader relished as he cut down, choked, and otherwise maimed all those who dared to try to stop him

What she felt from Vader concerned Ahsoka the most, though. The darkness consumed him in a way that she hadn't sensed since she confronted him on Mustafar, where he'd been so lost in the dark side he'd been beyond reason. That protective, possessive rage that incited him to attack Padmé, to fight Obi-wan, to almost kill her. And what was worse, it was because of her.

Ahsoka had long suspected that part of what caused Padmé to die was the horrifying realization that, ultimately, Vader's atrocities had been done in her name. The horror that from a certain point of view, their forbidden relationship made her complicit in his crimes. The horrifying realization that maybe that relationship had been forbidden for good reason. That compacted with the stress of her pregnancy, Vader's attack on her, and the stress of the labor afterward had just put the final nail in the coffin.

By no means was Vader cutting down a few rebels anything close the initial atrocities he'd committed. Or even close to the atrocities he still committed in the Emperor's name. It wasn't a stretch to imagine that Dek and his brood rather die than be captured based on him setting off a detonator. They likely would have ended up dead by the end of all this anyway. But the power she felt Vader exuding, the bloodlust that the all-consuming power of the dark side brought and drove him to commit genocide, reminded Ahsoka of what Vader had the capacity to do.

Vader saved Dek for last, and when he was done, he stood amongst the carnage looking for more opponents, his bloodlust not satisfied. The darkness had almost totally closed her off from him, so with a fair amount of trepidation, Ahsoka approached him.

"Vader," she said, trying to stay calm and keep the tremor out her voice. "It's over. You need to calm down."

He slowly turned to look at her with the soulless gaze of his mask. Ahsoka was so used to looking into it, it had stopped bothering her long ago. Now, it was yet another reminder of what she might potentially be dealing with.

"Vader," she said again when he didn't respond, not sure what to say. Not sure how to pull him back from over the edge that he'd allowed himself to go into. Because the last time she'd been present, and something like this happened, she and Padmé had spectacularly failed.

Timidly, she reached out and put her hand on his right arm, careful of his still ignited lightsaber.

"Vader," she said and then took a deep breath to calm down, to steady her voice and clear the panic from her brain to say the only thing that would likely calm him. "I'm fine. I'm okay."

For a while, she didn't think it would work, and she began to make a mental list of the things she could say to bring him back to control short of dueling him. Because, Force, she really didn't want to have to duel him like this. Then she sensed his Force signature take what was the equivalent of a deep breath before the tension in his arm loosened, and he switched off his lightsaber. Ahsoka could have collapsed in relief.

They stood amongst the carnage in silence for a few moments before Vader turned to her and said, "Are you unharmed?"

It came out strangled, most likely because he was also focusing on wrestling the dark side back under his control at the same time.

"I'm fine." No sooner than she finished did she get a weird ringing in her montrals again, and the world began to spin around her.

She swayed on her feet and used Vader's arm to steady herself. His force presence flared again, but without her prompting, he got it under control.

Once she was steady, she muttered without looking at him, "Reason thirteen. I won't be the next woman you damn the galaxy for."

AN: This chapter was so hard to initially write and went through so many changes at the last minute but I got it out. What was most important about this chapter is that Mustafar right after the Jedi purge and Padmé's death are still ghosts that haunt Ahsoka and haunt her relationship with Vader. Padmé's death especially. There's a lot of debate about what killed her, but what killed her isn't so much my point as the fact that whatever it was certainly was not helped by what was no doubt the dawning horror that Anakin committed all his deeds in her name. Ultimately, no mattered what unwitting hand she played in his fall, his actions weren't her fault. But even knowing that, it's impossible to begin to imagine or put into words what she probably felt knowing he'd done all he did in the name of protecting her. At the very least, her shock contributed to her not being able to fight back against what did kill her. And now, knowing that she could end up in that same position undoubtedly scares the hell out of Ahsoka.

Anywho, sorry for this being a few hours late. I usually like to get these out earlier in the day but I had to finish a project that due tomorrow as my last thing for school. Very simple and only taking a couple of hours, but you give me two weeks to do something, I'm going to wait until the last minute always. Procrastination Queen.

Hope you enjoyed. Thank you for all the review, favorites, and follows. I really appreciate it. You all have absolutely floored me with the response to this story lately. So many reviews and favorites and follows. I'm flattered. You humble me. Truly. I hope I can keep living up to your expectations.