I didn't plan on adding songs or specific lyrics into this story, however the one mentioned in this chapter is an exception.
Hereafter
Chapter 24
November 27th, 2018
Bella.
"Question number one… where have you been?" Charlie read out the questions that I had written on a piece of paper. I found myself looking from my hands to the floor, and then back to my hands again. I didn't want to look at my mother and see the lack of concern that was probably etched over her face. It would have only angered me further.
"I was in Phoenix, Bunny - you know that."
That doesn't answer my question.
I took the paper back from Charlie in order to add one more question in response to her bullshit. "Why didn't you help with the search?" Charlie's voice was steady. He was doing his best to keep his anger at bay.
"What help was I going to be, sweetheart? I'm not law enforcement - I don't have any special equipment to help with a search!"
This time I didn't need to write anything down, because Charlie took over and answered for me. "Searches aren't only for police, Renee. If that was the case then we wouldn't have had strangers from all over the state looking for Bella!"
"But what help was I going to be Charlie?"
"She is your daughter!" This roar rattled my body. "Whether you thought you were going to help or not, Bella needed you! She needed me!"
Stop it.
Stop it.
Please, stop shouting.
Luna pawed at my lap. My bottom lip quivered as tears began to roll down my cheeks. They continued to shout, but I paid no attention to the words. With my hands slapped over my ears, I did whatever I could to shut out their voices.
One, two, three, four, five, six…
"Bella?"
Red, blue, yellow, green, brown, orange…
"Honey, please…"
In a book that I once read, the character was dealing with anger and they were told to make mundane lists in their head - it could be anything from the countries to animals. So far it wasn't working for me.
"Bunny?"
Shut up.
I'm busy.
April, May, June, July, August, September…
I felt a hand wrap around my wrist.
It may have been Charlie, but my eyes were closed. I didn't know who it was, and the fear of the unknown crept in.
The visions returned at full force.
Victoria grabbed a hold of my wrist before I could reach for the handle of my truck…
She covered my mouth before I could scream…
A car pulled up on the side of the curb, I thought I was safe.
James jumped out from the car and before anyone could see me, he had pulled me up into the trunk…
A gun was pointed to my head…
If I made a noise, he'd put a bullet through my skull…
A scream filled the room - one so high-pitched that I could have mistaken it for a boiling kettle.
Who was screaming? James said not to make a sound…
"Bella?"
Charlie's voice was covered by the noise, but I still couldn't work out where it was coming from.
"Why is she screaming? Charlie, do something! Save her!"
"Shut up and let me think!"
I was screaming?
If I was screaming, then why couldn't I stop?
James told me not to make a noise.
If he hears me I'll have a bullet in my skull.
"Bella, I need you to listen to me. Can you open your eyes?"
No. If I open my eyes and see the inside of that trunk I'm not sure how I'll survive.
"I need you to let go of your ears, sweetheart."
I began to thrash my head from side to side. A pair of hands covered mine.
Who is that? Who is holding onto me?
The screaming began again.
"Renee, go into the living room and grab the headphones from the couch… Go! Now!"
I could just make out the sound of Renee leaving the room.
I felt the tell-tale sign of Luna pawing at my knees. I wanted her to sit on my lap but she was far too big for that now.
"I need you to open your eyes, Bella - I promise that everything is okay. You trust me, right?"
Trust… yes, I trust Charlie.
Charlie will look after me. He'll keep me safe.
I don't trust Renee, but I do trust him.
I kept my hands over my ears, and opened one eye to peer around at my surroundings before I opened another. I was in my kitchen and not in the trunk of James' car.
But it felt so real…?
"I've got the headphones!"
Charlie didn't say a word, instead he grabbed the headphones from her grasp and plugged them into my phone. I knew what to do from that moment onwards - I opened up my Spotify app and pressed onto the first playlist that was recommended to me. It was a playlist full of songs from several hit musicals; I thought that would have been happy enough for me to listen to. It started off with Footloose, Grease and then Hairspray - perfectly happy songs which had me tapping my feet in a good way for once. The volume was loud enough to block out any other outside noise.
The fourth song was from Matilda the Musical; I hadn't heard of the songs before, however the movie always brought me happy memories, so I didn't feel any need to skip onto the next one. The song playing was called Quiet, and within ten seconds the real meaning behind the song came through. I was too caught up to change it over, and so I listened to the entire thing regardless of whether it hurt me or not.
The lyrics hit home, and spoke to me on a whole new level.
But I wonder if inside my head,
I'm not just a bit different from some of my friends…
These answers that come into my mind unbidden…
The stories delivered to me fully written…
And when everyone shouts - they seem to like shouting-
The noise in my head is incredibly loud,
And I just wish they'd stop, my dad and my mum
And the telly and stories would stop for just once.
And I'm sorry - I'm not quite explaining it right,
But the noise becomes anger and the anger is light
And it's burning inside me would usually fade
But it isn't today! And the heat and the shouting
And my heart is pounding, and my eyes are burning
And suddenly everything, everything is…
Quiet…
Like silence, but not really silent…
Just that still sort of quiet.
Like the sound of a page being turned in a book,
Or a pause in a walk in the woods.
And though the people around me,
Their mouths are still moving,
The words they are forming
Cannot reach me anymore!
0-0
I moved through to the living room so that I could get covered in my blanket and allow Luna to fully lie on top of me. We had paused the question and answer session just until I had settled down long enough for my head to sort itself out again. I overheard Charlie's conversation with both Angela and Edward when he had phoned them - he wasn't sure what to do because it was a new reaction for me. Sure I had panic attacks and visions fairly often, but the screaming was a new thing entirely.
Everything had gone wrong since Renee arrived, but I wasn't sure whether to get the questions out of the way now, or have her come back at a later date. Would she even return if I let her go?
"Can I sit down?" Charlie waved to get my attention before pointing down towards the spare seat by my feet. I nodded my head - Charlie can always sit next to me; I never want him to leave. "How are you doing, Bells?"
How am I doing?
I felt more 'awake' than earlier, but I wasn't sure whether I felt any better. I was still just as confused and angry.
Instead of answering, I simply shrugged my shoulders.
"Angela said that your body is still finding coping mechanisms, so the outburst today is nothing for you to be concerned about. She is free tomorrow afternoon if you'd like her to come over and see you?"
Yes, but what about "…Edward?"
"Edward is sorry that he can't be here in person, but he knows that you can handle this - he believes in you."
Is his house packed up yet? I would feel so much better if he was here.
"Now." Charlie gave me a stern look. "You can either get these questions out of the way now, or I can tell Renee to return tomorrow? But one more outburst like that and she won't be returning again." I didn't want her to return anyway, but I knew that I would regret it if she left without a word. Whether she answered them now or answered them tomorrow, my reactions were going to be the same.
I gave it some thought before finally deciding. It was like ripping off a band-aid; get it over and done with and then the pain will be over.
Charlie heated through a bowl of soup with the hope that the food in my system may have made me feel better, and once the food was ready and I was settled, we continued the questioning. Thankfully Renee refused to say a word and sat exactly where Charlie told her to sit. She'd never understand what I was going through - not a lot of people will - but I had hope that perhaps she would get a glimpse into what my life was like now.
0-0
"Where is Phil?" Charlie read aloud.
"Phil wanted to come but you know how busy he gets. Hopefully one day soon he'll find some free time."
I refused to give a damn. I knew she was lying so there was no point in questioning her.
"Do you still believe him over me?" Clearly my question confused her, so Charlie handed me back the paper in order for me to clarify my question. "You refused to listen to a word I was saying when I was thirteen. Have you changed your mind since then?"
"Oh, Bunny!" Renee ran her hand through her hair in frustration. "That was a long time ago! Let's forget about what happened then, shall we? We need to focus on today."
"That isn't answering her question, Renee…"
"Fine. I strongly believe that you were both in the wrong that night but that you have since learnt your lesson."
Both in the wrong. Of course she wouldn't take my side. She never did and never will.
"Why did you make the journey now and not a day before?"
"I told you Bunny! What sort of help was I going to be? As soon as I heard that you were home I booked a flight."
"You didn't think to ring? One minute on the phone would have given you all the answers you were looking for." I didn't write that one down. Charlie had his own questions to ask.
"I phoned Bella hundreds of times a day, but she never answered!"
"Her cell phone. Was destroyed." Charlie took a minute to calm himself down. "The doesn't matter right now. You could have easily phoned the station who would have given you my number. Clearly Bella's safety was not on the top of your list."
"Oh, don't be so stupid, Charlie!"
Once again, there is a reason why their marriage never lasted.
"Bella." I looked over at Charlie - he looked tired and worn out. "That is all of your questions asked. Would you like to add anymore?"
No.
It was clear that they couldn't control their anger, and the fighting would not have been good for my head.
"Okay then…" Both of my parents stood up at the same time. Renee tried to come over to me, but Charlie was quick to put his hand out. "Your love and affection is the last thing she needs right now. You have to leave, but maybe Bella will allow you to return again before you fly home."
Funnily enough that never happened - I was better off without her. She had my new number, but I didn't expect her to use it.
0-0
December 11th, 2018
Edward.
Today was the day to say goodbye.
I had always been fond of this house, mainly for the privacy, but it was also the first house that I ever bought by myself. It felt strange to be saying goodbye, but it had to be done. I no longer felt safe here and I don't think that I ever will again. I worked around the clock for the past fifteen days straight and it was finally time to load it all into the truck. We still weren't sure what we were going to do with all of my boxes, but we'd sort that out later - as long as we made it to Forks safely, that was the main thing.
I had been discussing everything with Charlie and using his valuable knowledge about Forks real estate to help find me a new house, unfortunately luck was not on our side and available lots were not easy to come by. The only option was for me to move into Bella's old house. I had been warned that it still held all of her belongings, that I wouldn't have a lot of free space to unpack, but it was the best option until a house became available. Bella had been asked if she was okay with me staying there, and apparently she was, so we'll see what happens and whether that will change in time. We had wanted to keep my arrival a secret but Bella hadn't been coping too well since her mother's impromptu arrival, and so it was safer to tell her the truth. She knew that I was arriving later on this afternoon to collect the keys, and then it was up to her whether she wanted to come with me to the house or not.
"Have you decided what to keep here?" Carlisle walked into the kitchen where all the boxes were piled up. Because of the lack of space, we came up with an idea to keep the non-essential items at my parent's house and I can always come back to collect them when I needed to.
"Um… yeah, this pile here is staying." I waved my hand towards said pile.
"Books? You're not taking your books?"
I shrugged. "I have my favorites, but according to Bella she has her own library, so I'm sure I'll find something to read."
"Okay then… Let's go."
One by one we carried my selected boxes out from the house and into the back of the U-Haul that we had hired for the trip. I had no need to take any of my furniture, and the electrical items didn't take up too much space, so it didn't take long to complete the job. Once everything had been packed up, I took a trip around the house before locking the doors for the final time. I wasn't sure how to feel - I was sad to be leaving, but I was excited to get to Forks. Before I left I took one last look at the couch in the living room - Bella was the last person to sit there, and the difference between her then and her now really made me smile. Not only her physical strength, but her mental strength too. Sure she had many ups and downs since that day, but it was all leading forward and towards her full recovery.
Before I stepped into my car, I handed my keys over to Carlisle so that he could return to collect the rest of my belongings. It felt like one final act - one final goodbye to my dark days and my constant nightmares. Starting my life in a new area will be difficult, but I no longer feared it.
I double-checked with my parents that they had everything, we decided where to stop first, and then we were good to go. They were in the U-Haul, and I had Nora with me in the Volvo. When I left my drive way, I didn't even look back once.
As I hit the highway I really allowed my car to drive. My foot was practically to the floor and the roar of the engine was like music to my ears. Driving has always relaxed me, especially when I cannot think straight and there is too much on my mind. I'll hit the road without any destination, and by the time I returned home I had forgotten what had me worked up in the first place. We stopped off briefly to grab a coffee, use the restrooms and allow Nora the chance to stretch her legs. I don't often drink anything with caffeine after a certain time of the day, only because I knew the effect it would have on me when I tried to sleep, however I needed to concentrate. Once the coffee and donut had been consumed, we continued on for the last stretch of our journey.
Five hours after leaving Middleton we were passing the Forks welcome sign. I phoned Charlie as promised and gave him my ten minute warning. He had asked me to let him know when I was almost there; I wasn't sure why, but I assumed it had something to do with informing Bella and getting her ready for our arrival. The time was nearing four o'clock - we had made it just on time.
There wasn't a whole lot of space to park outside of the house, so Carlisle found a slot further up the road where they could leave the U-Haul for five minutes. Again the same uneasy feeling was quick to fill my stomach. I knew this was the right thing, and I was certain that everything will be fine once I have given myself the time to settle down and get used to my new surroundings, but this was all so different for me. However -despite what I was feeling - there was no way I would turn back now. I would distract myself with my work and Bella's recovery and that will be my main priority.
"Edward, I think someone is excited to see you." I had been so lost in my own thoughts that I hadn't noticed the front door opening or the people who stood on the other side. The feeling in my stomach didn't vanish, however it was bearable. Bella's smile made it bearable.
I crossed the yard and stood at the bottom of the steps that lead to the door. I opened up my arms as an invitation for Bella to cross the threshold. I knew that I missed her, but I never realized how much I had missed her until I saw her take each step carefully and she fell into my arms.
"You're… back."
"I promised you, didn't I?"
"…Promised."
I hated how little she spoke - before now Bella had found the strength to say small sentences, but then that bitch walked into her life again and now we're right back to the beginning. I had phoned her everyday, but it used to be a one-sided conversation. I knew we would get her back to the way she used to be, but how long would that take? How long will it be before this happens again?
"Edward."
"Yeah, sweetheart?"
"Stay?"
I squeezed her tiny frame a little closer to me. No matter what was going on in the real world or inside her head, she always knew how to make everything better. One tiny word - one small demand - made all of my anger and frustration disappear.
"I will stay until you ask me to leave."
We continued to hug when my parents joined us and greeted Charlie. She never let me go, not even when it came to going back inside again. It was almost as if she was scared that I would disappear if I wasn't holding onto her hand. Charlie led us into the living room where he offered my parents a seat and I helped Bella get comfortable on the couch. He asked them how the journey went and that there is a B&B down the road who had space if they needed a room for a few nights.
"Thank you, Charlie." Carlisle spoke for both of them. "You've been a major help these couple days."
Charlie shrugged. "Just doin' my job. Now, you're still good to stay at Bella's place?"
"I sure am."
"Well…" He dug around into his pockets and brought out a small selection of keys on a silver ring. "These are for you." He dropped them into the palm of my hand. "I'll give you directions on how to get there, but first of all… Bella - do you want to go to your house with them, or stay here?"
With wide eyes Bella surveyed the room and every person that sat in it. "Edward." She mumbled.
I patted her hand reassuringly. "I need to go the house and drop off my stuff, but you can come with me if you want to."
"Edward." She repeated once again.
"Yes?"
"Stay." Bella's whisper was so quiet that I believed her words were only for me.
"I can't stay here, but it won't take me long." That was not the answer she was looking for. "Okay, how about I make you another promise - you know I keep my promises, right?" My answer came in the form of a tiny nod. "So, I'm going to head to your house, unload my boxes and then my parents and I will return to have dinner with you and Charlie. Okay?"
"Okay…"
"You can come with me if you want to, but I suspect that you'd prefer to stay here?"
Bella didn't want to, and that did not come as a surprise to me. We discussed what to have for dinner instead - at least that gave her something to focus on.
0-0
I knew it was going to be hard walking into Bella's house, but I never thought it would be this hard. Apart from the perishable items, everything else had been left exactly as Bella had left it - a small pile of shoes were sat neatly beside the door, with a selection of coats and scarves hung on the wall above. She had no idea what was going to happen on the day that she was taken, and so the house, even though it was tidy, was left in the same state as anyone would leave it before they went to work for the day.
The first door on the left led to the open-planned living room/kitchen, and as I entered it almost felt like I was trespassing. This wasn't my house, these weren't my belongings, and at first I wasn't sure if I was allowed to be in here. Bella had giving me her permission, and I was more than welcome to stay here for as long as I needed to, but it didn't feel right.
Something on the wall to the my right caught my attention as I walked around the kitchen area. I found myself staring at the object - the innocent object that caused my stomach to flip and tears to form. It was a weekly planner that Bella had filled out meticulously, detailing the ins and outs of her week. A week that she wasn't allowed to live.
Monday - 8:30-4:30. Macaroni. Defrost chicken.
Tuesday - 8:30-4:30. Chicken stew. Phone bank.
Wednesday - 8:30-4:30. Dinner with Dad - the diner. Clean bathroom.
Thursday - 8:30-4:30. Chilli and potatoes. Clean living room.
Friday - 8:30-4:30. Homemade pizzas - give one to Dad.
Saturday - OFF. Meal plan for next week. Wash work uniform. Garden salad for dinner.
Sunday - OFF. Strip bed and wash sheets. Shop for the week (Charlie too). Phone Jake. Lasagne for dinner.
I wondered how much of that she had managed to complete. Did Bella ever enjoy the homemade pizzas? Or was there a defrosted chicken in the fridge when they came to clear it? Also, who is Jake? I hadn't heard his name being mentioned before, and surely he would have wanted to check up on Bella if he was a relative or a close friend? I brushed it off as nothing but made a mental note to ask Bella about him at a later date.
"Edward?" Esme's voice broke me from my surroundings.
"I'm in here!" I called out to my parents. They had taken Nora on a walk around the block, both to check out the neighborhood, and to allow Nora the chance to run around.
"Bella sure knows how to decorate." Esme found pleasure in the tiny details, like the matching plates and bowls, the themed artwork, and the color scheme. "It's almost like nothing ever happened…"
"I'm not sure if I should touch or move anything."
Esme put a caring hand on my shoulder. "It's hard to decide what we should do right now, but I suspect that Bella won't mind if a few things were moved to make space for your stuff. Just make sure you can tell her where it is when she comes back to look for it."
Esme made it sound so easy, like Bella was going to return tomorrow.
But the truth was that this stuff didn't belong to Bella anymore.
This was someone else's.
Whoever lived here before didn't exist anymore.
0-0
Edward has returned and Renee has left… for now.
There will be some time jumps from now on, so we'll be moving on with the story. If you would like to see a teaser for my next story you can find it over on my Facebook group: RosieRathbone FanFiction.
But please let me know what you thought and I will upload the next chapter as soon as it's done!