Chapter 38

fair warning: light smut included in this chapter

At 6:00 am, the next morning, Emily's alarm went off on her phone, waking her and Hotch up.

"Turn it offff.", he grumbled, keeping his eyes shut.

Emily reached over and turned her alarm off and rolled over to face Hotch.

"How is it that you're more tired than I am when I got less sleep than you?", she asked.

"Because my sleep was interrupted more than yours was.", he said.

"Well, I might know one thing that'll wake you up.", she said, beginning to kiss his neck. She ran her hand up his chest and his lips spread into a smile, eyes still closed.

"Mmmmhmmmhmmm.", he laughed with his mouth closed.

She took his hand and guided it up, under her shirt and placed it on her breast. His hand instantly grabbed her and he opened his eyes as she brought her face to his.

"Thought that might do the trick.", she said.

He brought his other hand up and lifted her shirt off. He brought his hand to her face and his lips to hers. She slid her shorts and underwear down and pulled him closer until he rolled on top of her.

"I'm definitely awake now.", he said.

"I can tell.", she said. She brought her hand down as he continued to kiss her. She grabbed his almost hard member and started to stroke it while he moaned.

After a minute, he grabbed it and ran it up and down her wet folds. He lined himself up with her entrance and slowly slid in. She gasped and he paused, giving her a second before he went on.

"I like waking up to this. I could get used to it.", he laughed.

"Good.", she replied, kissing him.

He was still too tired for anything wild so he started out slow and mainly kept it that way. He brought his lips to her neck and kissed her all the way to her collarbone and going back up while she ran her fingers through his hair slowly.

After ten minutes, he pulled away from a kiss and kept moving in and out of her. He looked in her eyes and said to her, "Have I told you how much I love you?"

"Mmmhmm.", she whimpered and smiled, slowly bringing him back down for a kiss.

Not a minute later, there was a knock on the door, causing them to break from their kiss and stop what they were doing.

"Wha- who the hell is that?", he said out of breath.

"I don't know. Just wait for them to leave.", she whispered.

They waited a moment and she pulled him back down for a kiss but before their lips could touch there was another knock at the door.

"I swear to-", he started, frustrated.

"Hold on.", she said to him.

"Who is it?", she called out, keeping her voice steady, holding the back of his neck.

"Um, it's Reid. I'm sorry if I woke you... can we talk?", Reid called back from the other side of the door.

"Shit.", she whispered.

"You've got to be kidding me.", Hotch whispered to her, reluctantly pulling out and sitting up. He ran his fingers through his hair.

Emily sat up and grabbed her shirt, pulling it on. "Yeah. Hold on.", she called back to Reid. She finished getting her pajamas back on and crawled up to Hotch. "I'm sorry. Just give me a minute.", she told him, giving him a quick kiss.

She hopped off the bed and ran over to the door and unlocked it, only to turn the lock again once she opened it to make sure she could get back inside. She stepped out into the hall, standing in front of Reid.

"Reid, what's going on?", she asked.

He tried hard not to stare at her neck but ultimately failed. "Reid. What's up?", she asked, bringing his attention back to her question.

"Sorry. Um... I just wanted to thank you for last night... I really didn't want you guys to see me like that but I'm glad you were there... I'm really sorry. I just- I've been under a lot of stress lately? And I guess I've been having these... triggers? lately and being back in New Orleans made it worse since last time we were here, I wasn't... you know... doing my best, I guess. I messed up and I relapsed and it was a mistake. A big one and you know me. I believe in science but... I really feel like maybe this was the universe's way of letting me know just how much of a mistake it was. I know I need to get some help... I kind of quit my therapist which may have had something to do with my slip up but I'm going back to him the minute we're back home. But I just wanted to say thanks... for caring so much and helping me.", he smiled shy.

Emily rubbed his arm and gave him a soft look. "We love you. We'd do anything for each other. You're family, Reid. Of course we care. We're always here for you, okay?", she said.

"I know. I just hate feeling like you guys have to take care of me. I've always felt like the baby in the whole group and everywhere I go but I guess it's hard to handle this stuff on my own...", he sighed.

"Of course it is. And it has nothing to do with you being the baby of the group. We don't see you as that, you know? We don't think of you any less as the rest of us. We all look up to you. You have so much going for you, Spencer... and you've already done so much and you know so much.", she emphasized, causing them both to laugh. "But really, you have so much to lose, I really hate seeing you suffer like this and resorting to unhealthy shit like that. We all believe in you. We know what you're capable of. Which is great things, no matter what all those other people have said who used to tell you otherwise growing up. We're just worried.", she told him.

"I know, I know... No one else knows, right?", he asked.

She almost hesitated because of the fact that Hotch did know now but she blew past that. "Just me and JJ.", she said.

"Okay, good...", he nodded. "Alright, I'll let you get back to getting ready but I just wanted to check in before everyone else was awake and we had time to talk privately.", he said.

"Of course. I'm here for you anytime, okay?", she said.

"Yeah. Thanks.", he smiled, walking away.

She stood there for a moment, watching him walk away and sighed before she stepped back inside. She walked past the bathroom and stepped back to it when she saw Hotch in his pajamas, splashing water on his face. She walked over to him and put her hand on his shoulder.

"Hey, I'm sorry... Did you want to-", she started.

"No. We should get ready.", he said, without turning to face her.

"Aaron. Look, I'm sorry he interrupted us but we can-", she started again.

"No, we can't, Emily. Besides, after hearing everything you guys just said...", he shook his head while drying it off.

She looked down and said, "You know I can't talk about that with you...", she said.

He turned to face her and let out, "Emily! I just found out that one of my agents had a serious drug problem almost a year ago that was never reported and has now relapsed?! While we're on a case?! And now I can't do anything about it because like you said, I wouldn't be able to explain how I knew about it or give any evidence for it. Emily, this puts me in a horrible position here. It's my duty to report this. But I can't. Can you at least understand where I'm coming from? Can you understand why I'm a little pissed?", he asked her, walking past her back to the bed and sitting down on the edge.

She followed him and got up on the bed behind, scooting up against him, letting her legs hang off the end around his. She started rubbing his shoulders as he dropped his head and she planted kisses on his neck.

"It's okay. I understand where you're coming from. You have every right to be pissed about this. I'm sorry. I really wish you didn't have to hear that...", she said.

"This is just one reason why it's not a good idea for us to be together...", he said quietly.

She completely stopped what she was doing and turned him to face her. He shifted his body to her and sat on the bed, looking at her. He felt bad for what he had just said, seeing the hurt in her eyes and it being written all over her face.

"Em... I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that.", he apologized, reaching for her hand.

"How did you mean it then?", she asked, voice wobbly.

"I don't know. It just came out. It's just another struggle we have to face, being together. I didn't mean to say that we shouldn't be together though. I love you. I love being with you, okay? That's...", he looked down. "That's not what I meant. I don't want to change what we have. It's just hard when it comes to things like this...", he said.

She looked down and let a single tear fall. He felt horrible for being the cause of that and scooted all the way over to her. He pulled her in for a tight hug and held her until she returned it.

"I'm sorry, Em.", he said.

"I just don't want to lose you. After everything we've been through... I can't-", she couldn't finish her sentence, fearing she'd start crying more.

"I know, I know. I'm not going anywhere. You have me, Em. I'm not leaving.", he told her, trying to bring her back to being at ease and reassuring her.

"I just love you so much and I know this is hard but I don't want us to just give up so easily.", she sniffled, letting more tears come.

"It's okay, hun. I'm right here. I'm not giving up, okay? I'm not giving up.", he said in a hushed tone, stroking her hair with one hand and her back with the other.

She nodded against his shoulder and her grip on him tightened. "Aaron... I've never loved anyone the way I love you. I've never felt this way before... you mean so much to me. And I don't want to keep things from you but when it comes to this, I can't tell you everything. That's not going to change.", she said.

"I know... me too. It's okay...", he whispered against her cheek and kissed the side of her head. "Let me take you out tonight.", he said.

"Where?", she asked.

"Just around here, the French Quarter. On Bourbon street, we'll walk around, live music on the streets, good food.", he said.

"Alright. That sounds nice.", she smiled, pulling back to look at him. She placed her hand on his face and kissed him softly.

"I love you, Em.", he said.

"I know. I love you too.", she said.

"Okay. Good. Now let's get ready. I have to go back to my room to do that but I'll see you when we're all out.", he said, standing up.

"Okay.", she said, following him to the door. "Are you okay? You know, back down to normal?", she laughed, eyes looking down.

"Yes, but maybe later we can finish what we started.", he chuckled, planting a kiss on her lips.

"Sounds good.", she smiled. "And again, I'm sorry about that.", she said.

"It's okay. Tonight will make up for it.", he smiled and kissed her one last time before walking out.

She closed the door and went to the bathroom to take a shower and got dressed after, making sure she wore her turtleneck.