A/N for 2020-05-3: Many readers had questions about Bella's 'No' from ch. 52. If you re-read the last paragraph carefully, you'll see that her 'No' is not an answer to Edward's question but her acceptance of what she knows is inevitable: "she uttered the only word she had energy for, the word that held her grief for all the losses she knew her death would bring: 'No.'"

My beta and I were surprised to see so many question Bella's psychological aversion to blood. The concept comes straight from the books (blood-typing in Biology, anyone?) and has been sprinkled throughout this story: first in ch. 2 and greatly expanded upon in ch. 26 (not-so-coincidentally entitled 'Blood'). Her vampiric aversion to human blood seemed a fairly natural outcome to me.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: this story is not designed to be skimmed, and you're going to miss important stuff if you do . . . . or wind up leaving me questions, which I will happily answer if you're signed in :-)

Erin

To run as a vampire was a freedom unlike any other Bella had ever known. But it wasn't simply being able to run, it was to feel her feet fly, toes only grazing the ground, their tiny flex enough to propel her forward at speeds that would have made her ill when she was human.

She felt the small twig break under her foot, and knew its snap amongst the chorus of sounds she'd never sensed before. Everything was not just clear, but so overwhelmingly precise that it made everything from before seem fuzzy. She understood now why human memories would be so easy to let go of.

With that knowledge so evident before her, she encouraged each limping human memory that made its myopic way across her mind, nudging it along until she knew it was etched into her stronger and eternal memory.

For all the guilt that it brought, because she thought she should think of her children first, she remembered Edward and the way he'd made her feel, which led her to think of the way he made her feel now as he ran beside her, his tall frame moving so gracefully, his powerful legs leaping obstacles so effortlessly, his strong arms . . .

Focus, she told herself sternly.

But thoughts of Edward gave way to thoughts of Josh and Meredith. It was harder to grasp at Madeleine's tiny form. She had only seen her so briefly and the resulting memory was so blurry as to resemble a distorted roll of film, its frames disjointed by what she assumed were breaks in her consciousness.

But everything in front of her was so clear now. She followed a drop of water from a pine needle to the ground, its mates dancing down behind it as she and Edward passed by the towering tree.

"Slow down," Edward breathed, reaching out his hand and bringing them to a stop.

They were halfway down one of the mountains that slid into the northern end of the inlet, still some distance away from the city and the surrounding pockets of civilization.

"How are you doing?" Edward asked.

She knew they must be getting close to humans if he was asking that particular question.

Taking a tentative breath in, Bella let her mind flood with what should have been the silent knowledge of the subconscious—information that would be unintelligible background chatter for a human. For her, each scent was labelled with precise script, her vampiric mind indexing this information with an efficiency that boggled her.

"Fine," she said. The enticing smells were distant, and her throat only itched a little. "I just ate. I should be okay, right?"

Edward's forehead wrinkled slightly while his lips twitched briefly in a worried smile. She recognized it as his way of avoiding saying no. "I'd prefer not to take any chances. We're going to do our best to avoid having you be near any people. Our home is isolated enough, but I'll need to go ahead and listen a bit to make sure things are clear."

Things were already so clear, Bella thought, looking at the trees around them. "Sure," she said absent-mindedly. Was there anything absent-minded about this new state?

"I'll be back in under a minute—Bella?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," she said, breaking out of her reverie and smiling at him. She was well. She was just . . . processing everything.

"Stay here, okay?

"Yes," she said, enjoying the new viewing angle afforded her as her husband walked away, considering the way his broad shoulders rolled with each step he took and how his long back tapered down to slim hips and . . . she shook her head, trying to focus on . . . not what she had started to focus on. Again.

After watching his delectable shape disappear into the distant trees, she turned her attention back to the space around her. They'd stopped in a small copse of deciduous trees, one of few that dotted the lower reaches of the mountain's southern face. While human eyes would have only seen November's dull greys and browns in the few remaining leaves, Bella now knew the jagged and leafy remnants held their own spectrum, flaring out as beautifully and brightly as any rainbow. Her eyes traced the lace edge of one leaf, which had no less than twenty-six distinct shades of grey. Its fine veins made a pattern that was unique amongst its peers. She was still focused on this display when Edward returned.

And then she burst into what felt like tears, her eyes remaining dry.

"Bella?" Edward asked. His arms circled her tentatively.

When she was human, she would have said she was feeling overwhelmed, but she wasn't now. It was anything but being overwhelmed. "Everything is just so . . . clear," she said, feeling frustrated. It wasn't the right word.

"How is it clear?" Edward asked. He didn't sound too concerned and she could see he was still calm. He had been through this before, she reminded herself, with Esme, and Rosalie and Emmett. She wondered how he thought she was doing, compared to them.

"No, it's good," she assured him. "It's good. It's just . . . so much. I'm just realizing that I will never . . . doubt myself. I could never think I was insane, seeing things this way. It's just such a relief." She waved her hand around her. "And I love you very, very much. That is so very clear, too."

Edward said nothing but he smiled his even more stunning smile. She'd called it crooked before, and now she knew it was, but its beauty was only greater for the fact that she could see it so precisely.

"They're waiting for us," Edward said, brushing the back of his hand gently over her cheek.

She shivered with pleasure.

Focus, she told herself again, blinking to try to clear her head. Edward's grin only widened.

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" she asked him.

"A little," he teased.

She had to ask. "Was it . . . were the others like this? Esme? Rosalie?" She felt herself folding her arms protectively around herself, preparing for an answer she wasn't sure she was ready for.

He cocked his head a little, appearing to really think about his reply. "Not ree-ally," he said, drawing out the word as if he was undecided.

"Oh." Now she was truly nervous. What was wrong with her? "Um, what's different?"

He reached out and laid a hand against her cheek, his eyes meeting hers in such an intense and hungry gaze that she felt herself stop breathing. "I wasn't in love with them."

She moved without conscious thought, shoving him back against the tree behind him. When her lips met his, it was the compulsion to breathe and the impulse to exist, all wrapped up in flesh that was as soft as her own. Groans and sighs erupted between their frantic kisses, as their fingers tangled in each others' hair, kneaded each other's arms, then backs, then strayed further south—

"I think," Edward gasped, pulling back. "I think we need to stop." His hands braced against Bella's body, and she realized that he wasn't just holding her back, he was quite possibly using all his strength, straining to keep her from yanking him back against her. When she loosened her hold, he actually faltered a half step.

"Ah," he breathed out, eyes several shades darker. He shook his head. "Later." It sounded more like a promise to himself.

Oh, yes, she thought. Later. Definitely. She licked her lower lip, her gaze still intently locked on him.

Edward turned aside, hands on his hips, breathing out a long breath as he stared into the forest for a moment. Turning back to her, he began unbuttoning his shirt.

Bella positively purred.

"Sorry, not taking it off for that reason." He grinned, loosening the last button and then holding the shirt open for her as he glanced pointedly at her ruined top.

Her stomach sank with disappointment but she obligingly turned her back to him

Gently, he slipped the sleeves over each arm and then drew the shirt up, buttoning it closed with his arms reaching around to her front. He kissed her jaw and then her neck, and then nipped playfully at her shoulder. "But hold that thought."

Then he turned and ran, laughing.

She followed, disappointed that he'd worn an undershirt today.

As they ran back to the Cullens' property, Bella could smell what she thought were human scents, but they were only distant suggestions. Her throat tickled, but it was just that, a tickle. She could leave it for now.

Jasper, Alice, Emmett and Rose were standing outside the house, their skin shimmering dully in the day's cloud-muted light. Their poses were casual. Alice kept an arm around Jasper's waist while she traced a semicircle over the pavement with her toe, a very human action. Rose's arms were folded as she leaned back against Emmett. But Bella knew these were only the appearance of casual stances. Her skin prickled at this vampiric assembly.

"It's just us," Jasper called, smiling at her. And while she could call it a smile, the expression was nuanced with what would have formerly been invisible wrinkles of worry, caution etched into the too-tight stretch of her brother-in-law's mouth.

It was her family, she reminded herself, against her body's itching desire to defend itself.

"But everything in your body is telling you to get ready for a fight. It's okay," Jasper said. The smile was more natural now, slightly amused.

She could have stared at the changing expressions on his face for hours, fascinated with the way she could read these subtle alterations, but a sweeping wave of calm rushed through her body, each of her muscles obeying its nudge.

She frowned. "Is that you?" she asked Jasper.

He brother-in-law nodded, smiling apologetically.

"This is bizarre," Bella said.

"Wanting to kill anyone like yourself? Yes, it is a bit much, isn't it?" Jasper said, chuckling. "Don't worry. It'll fade in time."

She looked towards Edward. No, not everyone. She had other things she wanted to do with Edward—

"You know," Edward said, his mouth twitching as if he was trying not to smirk, "It's only been a few hours, Bella. You're doing incredibly well."

"Yeah, I can imagine you are doing things incredibly well, alright." Emmett snickered beside Rose, whose mouth quirked up a little in a smile. "Nice shirt, by the way."

It felt like blushing, Bella was sure. All the same muscles activated, but now there was no rising heat to go with them.

"Aww, look, we've even done the impossible and made vampire Bella blush." Emmett bent over and slapped his thigh.

As a human, she would have turned away in horror. Now her skin prickled, and it almost sounded like someone had hissed.

"I'd watch it, Emmett," Jasper said, but he did so with a smile.

Bella brought herself up short. Was that her?

Edward squeezed her hand again. "Rose tried to bite me on her first day. I think Esme threw a chair at me. You really are doing well." He smiled gently at her. "But I know you'll have questions, too."

Bella nodded, her forehead still wrinkled with focus and query. She had so many questions, and they were all demanding their turn all at once. But the very biggest was the one she supposed they wanted to focus on, too. "Where is Victoria? Edward said you know."

Alice looked far too happy when she spoke up. "She's regrouping. She has just a few of her helpers left, and I can see everything she's deciding."

"They could just as easily be false leads, Alice, like before," Edward said.

"Maybe, but as you told me, the special powers Victoria was relying upon no longer exist." That grin again. Had they taken care of Murray then? Bella hadn't thought to ask.

Edward's face was full of caution. Bella could see him struggling with Alice's certain optimism.

"I know," he muttered, obviously responding to something Alice was thinking.

"That is still really annoying," Bella said, immediately pulling in a sharp breath. She hadn't meant to say it out loud, it had just—

Emmett laughed. "Oh, the filter's off! Awesome! And yes, it is stupidly annoying. What do you know, bro?"

Edward grimaced in his brother's direction and then at Alice. "I don't know anything yet, and the last time we trusted Alice's vision, it was disastrous—"

"That was not the last time," Alice interjected. "The last time you relied upon my sight we found Bella and destroyed over half of Victoria's helpers." She narrowed her eyes at Edward.

Bella's hackles rose as Jasper hissed at her mate, and she didn't even understand the sound she heard in reply until Edward put his hand over hers.

"It's alright," he said softly. She didn't think she imagined it when he looked a little bit pleased.

Bella pulled in a breath and looked around apologetically. It was going to take her some time to become acquainted with her new self. My word, she thought, had she really just growled at Jasper? That felt positively . . . feral.

"You're right, Alice, and I will always be grateful." Edward said to his sister. His tone was far more conciliatory than before. "Still, we'd be foolish to not consider this being another of Victoria's tricks," His hand squeezed Bella's.

"It could be a feint, or it could be true. But we called the Denalis and they'll be here by this afternoon. If we all go, and they join us, we will more than outnumber her and any help she has. We've only seen the seven of them in my visions." Alice spoke earnestly but she hesitated a moment and her expression changed to one of apology. "I think one of them is . . . Charlie."

There was silence for a moment among the six of them as they absorbed Alice's revelation. Bella knew what they were thinking. How could they not? But she hadn't been able to tell them what had happened, and what her father had done for her.

It was Edward who spoke up. "There's a . . . good chance that Charlie will be an ally."

Rose eyed both Edward and Bella before speaking. "That would make things even better, but if we wait any longer, Victoria has time to regroup. This is our best chance, Edward. You'll have the most numbers now. Later, well . . . there are no guarantees either way."

And the Volturi deadline that had come and gone for Alice and Jasper was suddenly looming in Bella's mind. She'd not thought of it since waking to this new life, and now she understood, bodily, in a way that she never could have appreciated before, how wholly threatening the notion of other vampires could be. No, they were not creatures designed to cohabitate, and even standing by these people she'd known for years, Bella's skin itched to be away from them. There was more horror in being with the Volturi than came from engagement in their grisly service and the fact that their family secrets would be exposed. It was sentence enough to be in their presence without respite. Her hand went to her midsection, the idea of so many of their kind together physically sickening her.

Jasper didn't so much glance, as let his gaze wander towards her. He was being so careful around her . . . they all were. Her new eyes also noted the silent, but still obvious debate in which her husband and Alice were locked. Or perhaps they were running through strategies so Edward could watch the outcome?

Keenly aware of her own desires with respect to Victoria, and the choice she thought most obvious, Bella made herself pause to fully think through the options before them all, for her mind's capacity was a wonder she had yet to fully explore. She recalled the day she'd thought Victoria was gone. Even though it was a weaker human memory, she could almost feel the weight of that vial of ash in her hand, and how good it had felt to believe their lives free of that interminable threat. She would feel that again, she determined, and she would feel it soon.

While it was a struggle for Bella to recall the now-murky memories of her recent ordeal, one thing was clear about Victoria: she had been triumphant. Though the horrid creature might have been sly and devious with her planning, she'd positively gloated at Bella in her victory. No, Victoria had thought she'd won when Bella gave herself up. This was no feint. Bella could feel it in her gut.

"I think Alice is right," she said.

Edward stopped his silent conversation, turning his head towards her.

"Victoria is like cancer. If we leave her, she has the opportunity to spread and grow stronger again," she said quietly. "She convinced all those people to help her, and it got so many of them destroyed. Not to mention all the other people that were killed because of the vampires she made. We'd be complicit in their deaths if we don't do something about Victoria."

Edward closed his eyes. "Love, this could so easily be a trap."

"And it could not be, too. We have to try, right? We just . . . have to." She looked at him, trying to implore him with her eyes.

"I've just got you back after thinking I would lose you forever, and you're asking me to risk your safety?"

She wanted to cringe as she acknowledged his fear, considering their recent confrontation. But she just believed so strongly that this was right and she needed to convince him. "That is the absolute worst-case scenario. Let's consider the best." She realized she might have an ace in the hole she hadn't considered. "What does Alice see if we decide to go now?"

Edward's hand hadn't left hers, and somewhere in the back of her mind she understood that he was gripping it with more force than she'd ever felt before. She didn't return the pressure, worried she would hurt him in return.

He continued to study her, his amber eyes tinged with red, not moving, but speaking volumes of worry and fear with just the tiniest spark of hope. He might have been looking at her but she could tell he was 'listening', too, while Alice's eyes held that faraway look she recognized.

Alice's sudden tensing alerted Bella of his agreement before Edward's words did.

"You can't fight," he growled.

"Is that a yes?" Bella asked.

"It is, but . . . this is non-negotiable for me, Bella. You can't fight. You don't know how to yet." He was practically glaring at her. In a much softer voice, he said, "I have already promised to never leave you. Will you promise me the same now?"

In her peripheral vision, Bella saw her sisters' and brothers' tensed bodies, recalling the utter awkwardness with which she currently operated her new body. She was like a toddler wielding a butcher knife. No, she amended, an angry toddler with a butcher knife. She would be a danger to them as well as to herself. "Yes. I promise. I won't fight. But we all go. I can't not—I need to be with you."

"Alright," Edward said, breathing out and turning towards Jasper and Alice. Silently, his thumb brushed over her hand, and she knew it for his renewed vow in wordless form. His gaze took in Bella's and those of his family members as he spoke. "Let's make a plan."

As they filed into the house, Alice sidled closer to Bella. "So, Maddie Elizabeth, huh?" she said, winking.

Bella was confused for only a moment until she heard Edward's soft chuckle and realized that Alice would have seen their conversation in the woods as they'd headed home. Edward had been so happy that she'd even had the chance to name their daughter that she suspected he would have agreed to anything. Still, the smile on his face when she had suggested his human mother's name be included had been everything she'd hoped for.

Inside the house, they learned that Victoria had fled to the southeastern section of the province, taking refuge in a remote, but distinctly-shaped mountain range whose peaks Edward had recognized in Alice's mind. Jasper trailed a pale finger over the lines of the map, discussing approach patterns and adjustments that would need to be made as contingencies were accounted for. Whereas she would have once struggled to hold onto so many pieces of information, Bella found herself snatching and stowing each piece, tucking it into the appropriate slot in her mind. It was like sorting books at the library, only easier. Everything had a place, and the order—

"Bella?" Edward asked.

Pulled up from the depths of her contemplation, Bella wondered when her distractedness would end. At least she wasn't fantasizing about Edward at the moment.

"I want to call Carlisle and Esme and talk to the children, too. Do you think you're up for that?"

"Yes!" The word was out before she'd even considered her response. Her children were their own gravitational force.

"You'll need to sit down and try not to move. And look very sick. We'll get you some contacts." He hesitated a moment before frowning and glancing over at Alice. "And I might need some, too. Josh is extremely perceptive."

"Contacts?" Bella asked.

"We have a ready supply," Alice said. "In case one of us slips."

"Or if one of us decides to make his human mate immortal." Emmett chimed in, deadpan. Then he added, in dramatic stage whisper, "Dude, didn't anyone ever tell you, you don't have to swallow?"

Watching Edward side-eye his brother, the red rings around his irises now more obvious to her, Bella was excited to realize she would never again miss these little family interactions that used to go over her head.

As they waited for Alice to come back with the contacts, she realized they'd have another problem with which to contend. "Edward, I sound different. There's no way—"

He shook his head. "They're young enough to accept the change. If Meredith were older, I'd say we'd have a problem, but you're their mom. They'll accept you no matter what you sound like.""

"Even Chewbaca?" Emmett called from the next room.

She snorted.

"That sounds the same," Edward murmured, a sly grin on his face, opening the box of contacts Alice handed him. "Have you ever used these before?"

She shook her head.

"Well, we have a few pairs, so you're good to experiment."

Experiment was a generous description. Three pairs in, she finally managed to insert one without accidentally shredding the thin plastic membrane but finally had to let Alice handle the other one.

"Oh God, how do you stand these?" she asked. There were squiggles, lines and distortions obscuring her vision, so many that her eyes felt like they ached just trying to focus around them.

"You'll get used to them. Try focusing past them" Edward said gently. His fingers brushed her hand, and her breath tripped over its natural rhythm as a sensation like goosebumps slid up her arm. Some things were the same. Very the same, she started thinking—

"Are you ready to call?" Edward asked, gesturing to an upholstered chair in the living room.

"Yes," she said, thinking, As I'll ever be, I guess? She sat, very, very gingerly, trying not to destroy anything else in the house. Alice had already had to help her get dressed, as the first few attempts had resulted in more shredded clothing. The adjustment to this life was going to take some time.

Suitably covered in a blanket, and doing her best to look ill, Bella waited on Edward to place the call. When Carlisle picked up, he filled his father in rapidly on the latest developments, and while Bella was glad to hear his voice and to know the children were well, she was even more relieved to hear their distant chirping voices on the other end of the line. Josh's "Man!" was audible above all other background sounds.

Edward spoke to Josh and Meredith briefly, and then turned the phone to put Bella in view. He didn't relinquish hold of his phone when he came close, but did squat behind her so that they could both speak with Meredith and Josh.

Bella watched as Josh's eyes sought out Edward in the hope that his new father would understand his thoughts even through the phone. Thankfully, Meredith more than filled in the verbal gaps her brother left.

"We changed her diaper the other day!" she announced, smiling at her baby sister in Carlisle's arms. "But not when she made the big poo on the wall. Carlisle had to change his shirt after that."

Carlisle nodded solemnly, verifying this information.

"I can't say I'm sorry I missed that," Edward replied, chuckling. "But did I tell you, we picked a name?"

She'd picked a name. Bella glanced at Edward, still worried that this was a sensitive point but he only winked, a fleeting smile telling her that all was well."Ooh, what is it?" Meredith asked.

"Madeleine Elizabeth." Bella said, trying out her new voice with them, watching for any sign of notice from her children, but Meredith was clearly just waiting for her to continue. "We'll call her Maddie." As Edward had predicted, there seemed to be no problem for now, and her shoulders relaxed with this relief.

"Mommy, you really don't look good," Meredith announced. "You look like Edward. You aren't going outside enough."

"No, I've been very . . . sick," Bella said. She supposed there was truth to this. She had vomited earlier in the day, after all.

They talked with the children for a few minutes, both reiterating the lie that Edward had told them. Meredith and Josh seemed as well as they could be, and Bella managed to keep herself from moving when she saw Madeleine, but there were feelings inside her she could barely place.

When they finally hung up, she turned to Edward, wanting to throw her arms around him, but knowing she might hurt him in doing so. Hugging him very, very gently, she said, "They're okay."

"They're doing very well. You even got a sentence from Josh." She could hear him smiling. He was so obviously proud of Josh's progress.

She wasn't sure how long they held each other, but her eyes registered the subtle changes in the light in the room. It was time to go. There was something like excitement in her gut, tempered by fear.

"It's time," Edward said.

She was standing before she finished thinking it.

He smiled at her. "It's going to take me some time to get used to you being able to do that." He sighed. "But I meant what I said earlier. You can't fight, and when we find her, I need you to stay behind me."

"Okay," she said.

"You can't interfere." His voice was stern.

"I won't."

No humour or lightness touched his face. "Your newness makes you strong, but you haven't learned to master it, and that makes you very dangerous for us, too."

She didn't like this, but she accepted it. He would know what a newborn's limitations were. "Okay," she said again.

With a nod, he pulled at her hand, lifting his chin towards the outside. She ran hand in hand with Edward, not wanting to let go of him, binding herself to her promise to be safe, willing it to be true.

DISCLAIMER: S. Meyer owns Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.