Chapter 38 - Philly!
Jahmene ended up spending a lot of next few weeks with Finn, Dalton, Ella and Taylor. Although he wasn't as close with them as they were with each other, the 4 of them had pretty much accepted Jahmene into their group. Jahmene had become quite the playboy since the X Factor and although they pitied the girls that actually slept with him, they found it hilarious to watch his various conquests. He lived in an apartment around 10 minutes away from the others' apartment building.
One day, after work, the 5 of them wanted to do something that night, but couldn't decide on where. Dalton, Finn and Ella were walking down the street, and were on the phone with Jahmene.
"Why don't we go to The Red Lion?" Finn suggested.
"Yeah, Let's go to The Red Lion!" Ella exclaimed. The Red Lion Pub was the name of the bar that they went to almost every day. They had become regulars, and the bartenders loved them as they came so often. Jahmene wasn't happy with going to The Red Lion though. They heard him complain over the phone.
"What's wrong with The Red Lion?" Finn asked, tiredly. He had just finished a long day at work, and really didn't want a crazy night.
"The Red Lion is bore, snore." Jahmene explained. "Finn, tonight we're going to go out. You've been with Ella for too long. We're going to meet some ladies. It's going to be legendary. Phone-five!" Jahmene slapped the phone's microphone, as if he was high fiving it. Jahmene insisted on high fiving literally everything. Finn sighed and rolled his eyes, and Ella glared at the phone.
"Why do we hang out with you?" Finn asked.
"You didn't phone five, did you?" Jahmene stated, ignoring Finn's comment. "Come on, Finn. We always go to The Red Lion."
"Yeah, cause The Red Lion is fun," Finn tried to argue weakly.
"Finn, The Red Lion a little fun. I'm offering you a chance to have a lot of fun. And come on. You've been with Ella for a couple of months now. You're due a new girlfriend. I have only one rule: new is always better!"
Finn rolled his eyes, and Ella looked like she was about to punch Finn's phone.
"You're disgusting, you know that, right? And by the way, I feel inclined to tell you that you're on speakerphone, and Ella heard everything you just said."
"Whatever, just get in the cab!" Jahmene declared. Finn raised an eyebrow at the phone, confused.
"Huh? The hell are you talking about?" Finn asked. Suddenly, a cab pulled up and Jahmene stuck his head out the window.
"Get in the cab. Dalton, you too."
"Yeah, I'm not going to do that." Dalton said.
Jahmene nodded. "OK, I understand." Finn's jaw dropped.
"Why can Dalton say no?" Finn asked, astonished.
"Because he gets laid by new chicks every week." Jahmene grabbed Finn's shirt collar and pulled him so that their faces were only inches apart.
"Finn, Finn, look at me. Right here. You keep going to the same bar, getting laid with the same girlfriend. You're in a rut and I'm a rust buster. I'm going to bust your rut." Jahmene snickered at his own pun and Finn sighed.
"It's not a rut, okay. It's a routine and I like it."
"Finn, what's the first syllable in rut - tine?" Finn looked down and turned to face Ella, who had a defeated look on her face. Dalton walked this whole exchange in amusement.
"Babe, I feel like even if I say no, he's gonna find a way to kidnap and drag me along. So I might as well go. But I'm not gonna hook up with anyone. I swear."
She nodded and pulled him into a fierce kiss. "You'd better not!"
Finn laughed and reluctantly got into the cab. "PEACE OUT, SUCKERS!" Jahmene shouted as the cab drove off. When the cab started driving, Finn sat back in the seat and turned to Jahmene.
"Alright, so what's the legendary plan?" Finn asked.
"First, we got to pick someone up at the airport." Jahmene smirked.
"OK, I'm outta here." Finn said and moved towards the door.
"ESTEBAN, DOORS!" Jahmene shouted and suddenly, the doors locked. Finn slumped into his seat and prepared himself for the long night ahead of him. Jahmene smiled at him and Finn scowled back. Soon, they arrived at the airport, and for some reason, Jahmene took two suitcases in his hands, and carried them into the airport. Jahmene dragged Finn over to baggage claim. Finn finally plucked up the courage to ask the question that was burning on his mind.
"Why do you have those suitcases? And who are we picking up?"
Jahmene watched as hot girls walked past him in the baggage claim area. "I don't know. Maybe her? Or her?" He gestured to the girls that were walking past him. Suddenly, something dawned on Finn.
"Wait so when you said you were going to "pick someone up at the airport". You meant you were going to pick someone up at the airport?". Jahmene winked at him.
"Scenario. Couple of girls fly into town, looking for a fun weekend in NYC when they meet two handsome international business men just back from a lucrative trip to Japan. Sample dialogue, "You have a wheelie bag? Wh... I have a wheelie bag!"
Finn put his head in his hands. "You've gotta be kidding me!"
"I'm not. Sidebar, tuck in your shirt. You look sketchy."
Finn cracked up laughing. "I'M SKETCHY?"
"Trust me, it's gonna be legendary."
Finn shook his head furiously. "Don't say "legendary", okay? You're too liberal with the word legendary." Jahmene used the word 'legendary' to describe literally everything. Jahmene noticed how reluctant his friend was.
"Finn, Finn, Finn. Right here! This is happening. Now you can either put your bags on the carousel now, or you can listen to me give you a really long speech convincing you to put the bags on the carousel. Your move." Finn didn't say anything and stood still. "Finn, since the dawn of time mankind has struggled…"
Finn groaned loudly and threw the bags on a luggage carousel. Jahmene started pacing around the various carousels and then came back to Finn, who felt like dying on the inside.
"Okay, carousel four is tapped out. Ready? Because I'm about to drop some knowledge. Cute girls are not from Buffalo. Time-out. Ten o'clock. You ready to rock this, Finner?"
"Look, I'll talk you up, but I'm NOT cheating on Ella." Jahmene reluctantly nodded and then shoved Finn into a random lady's luggage cart.
"Finn, you klutzy, great guy, you!" He exclaimed. The lady ran up to Finn.
"Oh, my god. Are you okay?" She asked him.
"I... I'm so sorry." Finn said as he stood up.
"It's fine. But you were a little shaky on your landing. I'd give you a 9.2. They both laughed.
"So, hi... I'm Finn, by the way."
"Laura," she replied, shaking his head. "Look I'm really sorry that we have to hit and run but we've got a plane to catch. Laura's friend walked up to her.
"Oh, where're you headed?" Finn asked, curiously.
"Philadelphia."
"Philly?" Jahmene exclaimed. "That's where we're headed!"
"You are? Well...uh...guess we'll see you on the plane." Laura said.
"Yeah, you will." Jahmene said and the girls walked off. He then turned to Finn, who already knew what was about to happen, and tried to escape. "Follow them, tickets on me!" Jahmene shouted.
"No, Jahmene." Finn said, but Jahmene had already started to run towards the escalator that led to Departures. "Don't you get on that escalator! And don't you dare get on that subsequent escalator!" Jahmene ignored him and Finn grumbled as he reluctantly followed him.
Back in the apartment, Ella was singing softly, and her and Dalton were watching a movie on TV. Suddenly, her phone rang and she smiled. It was Finn. She answered the phone.
"Hey baby, how's it going?"
"SAVE ME!" He shouted into the phone.
"Are you OK?" She asked, concerned.
"No, I'm not OK. Guess where I am? I'm on a... ready? Plane to... ready?...Philadelphia. Chasing some girl that Jahmene wants."
"That is awesome." Dalton exclaimed. Ella had turned the phone on speaker, so Dalton heard the call.
"Hey, is that Dalton? Jahmene asked, and took Finn's phone. "Dalton, stop whatever you're doing, get in that hoopty-ass Vierro of yours and come meet us in Philly. It's going to be legendary."
"I'm on my way"
"Yeah, let's go Dalton!" Jahmene said and hung up the phone. He turned to Finn again. "Admit it, you're having fun. Thirty-five thousand feet of fun!"
"Well I didn't think we'd be on a flight to Philadelphia when I woke up this morning, I'll give you that."
"Let's go talk to those girls." Jahmene said, but Finn stopped him.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, the seatbelt light is on!"
"Finn, you've been living your whole life in a seatbelt. It's time to unclick." He unclicked his seatbelt, and as soon as he did so, a flight attendant came out of nowhere.
"Sir, the seat belt light's on." She said.
Jahmene reluctantly sat back down. "Yeah, sorry, sorry."
Finally, the seatbelt sign turned off. Jahmene got up and walked over to the girls, dragging Finn along with him.
"So what brings you guys to Philly?" Finn asked.
"We're visiting our boyfriends." Laura responded.
"I think mine is going to propose this weekend!" Tatiana - the other girl - exclaimed.
"Isn't that great?" Laura said. Finn broke out into a huge, triumphant smile and looked at Jahmene.
"So great." He said, then he realised what predicament they were in. Jahmene was the only one of them not in a relationship. Just then, Laura took out her phone and showed Finn a picture of their boyfriends.
"Aren't they cute?" She asked.
"They look very familiar. But I don't know why."
"Oh, you watch football? Because both of them are linebackers for the Eagles."
Finn smirked widely at Jahmene, who was looking more and more defeated as time went on.
"Both of their boyfriends are linebackers. Isn't that great?" Finn asked Jahmene. They both walked back to their seats and when the plane landed, Finn took out his phone and called Dalton. Dalton answered on the first ring.
"G-g-g-going to Philly!" Dalton shouted into the phone.
"Dalton, don't come to Philly." Finn said.
"But we're on an adventure!" Dalton cried.
"We're on a Tarmac in Philadelphia. Craaaaaaaazy adventure."
"Fine!" Dalton hung up and took the next exit off the highway. When Finn put his phone away, Jahmene turned to him.
"No! No! The night has just started. Look, airport bar. Flight attendants! They'll get your tray table at its full upright position. Say what?" Jahmene raised his hand for Finn to high five after the dirty joke, but Finn just shook his head. Suddenly, two security officers walked over to them.
"Passengers Mosby and Stinson? Please come with us, gentlemen. Keep your hands where I can see them."
Barney and Ted were led off the plane by the officers. Finn was fuming at this point.
"Jahmene, I am going to kill you." He muttered.
"Don't say you're going to kill someone in front of airport security, not cool." Jahmene laughed nervously. Barney and Ted were led into an interrogation room, where they were forced into chairs.
"This is an outrage." Jahmene cried "We are international businessmen on an international business trip. I demand you release us immediately."
Finn couldn't believe what he was hearing from his friend. "You demand!? Jahmene…" Finn took a deep breath and then bellowed. "SHUT UP!"
"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to remain calm." The officer said. "We got footage of you placing two bags on JFK carousel three, and abandoning them to purchase a last minute flight. With cash."
Jahmene glared at Finn. "Those bags were your responsibility."
"They were your bags!" Finn cried.
"Sir, please. We're assessing the bag situation." The officer said, and turned a television screen towards them. It showed an evacuated JFK baggage claim, and three men in bomb suits cautiously approaching Jahmene's bags.
"Look, this is all just... it's a misunderstanding." Finn started but was cut off by Jahmene.
"Please." Jahmene said and paused for a moment. "We are international businessmen. My colleague accidentally left the bags there now please let us go before we miss our international business meeting."
"Can't remember the last time I saw an international businessman with an untucked shirt." The officer gestured to Finn. Jahmene glared at him again. "In addition, we received this footage taken over the last few months. The TV was turned towards them once again, and Finn was forced to watch various events over the past month, when Jahmene would drop a bag on the carousel, and walk away. Finn looked at Jahmene in disbelief.
"Truth is, my friend... he does this thing where he goes to airports with fake luggage to pick up girls, and he forced me to come with him today as his 'wingman'. We followed some here to Philadelphia. That's it! That's all this is!"
"Nobody's that lame." The officer stated.
"Yes, he's that lame." Finn pointed at Jahmene. "Jahmene, tell them you're that lame!"
There was a short silence, then Jahmene opened his mouth to speak.
"We are international businessmen…" Jahmene cried but Finn cut him off.
"OH COME ON!"
"Sir! Lower your voice or we'll restrain you." The officer shouted.
"Dude, seriously, relax." Jahmene said. Finn started banging his own head against the table in annoyance.
"We at least get to make our phone call!"
"EXACTLY!" Jahmene shouted. Finn picked up the phone and called Dalton. He answered pretty quickly and Finn told him the situation.
"Listen to me, you're both American citizens. Don't let them pull any patriot-act voodoo. You both retain the right to refuse to answer any questions without an attorney present so don't say anything until you're appointed an attorney."
"How the hell do you know that stuff?" Finn asked.
"I like my Law shows," Dalton said and hung up. Finn let out a sigh of relief. Maybe this wouldn't be too bad.
One minute later…
Finn and Jahmene had their heads on the table and their hands tied behind their backs.
"You had to play the race card." Finn spat at his friend.
"Relax, Finn. We didn't do anything wrong. And, B.T.W, we'd be out of here by now if you'd have tucked in your shirt. The officer turned on his walkie talkie.
"Go ahead, JFK... What is the baggage status?" He said into the device.
"They're clean. It's just a whole bunch of condoms... and a power bar. Finn's eyes widened and he looked at Jahmene. Jahmene smirked back.
"You're free to go." The officer said and released them. Finn took out his phone and called Dalton again.
"Don't come to Philly."
"Man, I'm almost halfway there!" Dalton exclaimed.
"Yeah, we just got released and we're heading back on the next flight. Meet us at The Red Lion, maybe we can still make last call."
"Can't we just... just…"
"No, we can't just... we're going home!"
Dalton sighed and hung up the phone. Finn put it away and was looking at the flight board, when Jahmene walked up to him.
"We're going to Sascha's!" Jahmene said. Finn's jaw dropped.
"Who the hell is Sascha?" He asked. Jahmene pointed to a security woman who was making eyes at Jahmene.
"Her. She's having friends over for drinks at her house. It's gonna be legen... wait for it...and I hope you're not lactose intolerant 'cuz the second half of that word is... dairy."
"No. No. No. No" Finn said, rapidly.
"Legendary!"
Finn let out an anguished cry, and reluctantly followed his friend. They got into a cab with Sascha, and they went to her apartment. It was extremely messy and Finn was extremely bored. He was sitting on a small couch beside Barney and they were both squished in between two massive men.
"So, uh... you're Sascha's friends, huh?" Jahmene asked.
"You know it." Dan (one of Sascha's friends) said. Just then, Sascha came down the stairs, with a case of hard lemonade in her hand.
"You guys, keep the volume down. You're gonna wake my grandpa! Who wants hard lemonade?"
They all nodded and took one. Jahmene opened his and shouted…
"Philly!" He shouted.
"Shh!"
"Philly!" he whispered. They all spent the next 10 minutes talking quietly.
"Did you hear that, Finn? Dan works security at the Liberty Bell."
"Sure do." Dan grunted.
"Wow, it must be really well cordoned off. Do you ever go behind the rope and touch it?" Jahmene asked.
"Only all the time." Dan replied.
"Ever, like, stick your head inside it?"
"Yeah."
"D'you ever lick it?
"Nope, I have never licked it."
"Hmm... I bet nobody in history has ever licked the Liberty Bell! If someone were to pull that off, I dare say it would be… what's the word?"
Finn knew where this was heading, and wanted to leave as soon as possible for plausible deniability. "Well, that is my cue to leave."
"Legendary, Finn, LEGENDARY!" Jahmene shouted.
"Jahmene, I'm going to the airport! Sascha, thank you... and uh... tell your grandpa I'm sorry I walked in on him in the bathroom." Finn left the apartment, and Jahmene followed him. Finn dragged him into a cab and Finn told the driver to take them to the airport. Finn collapsed onto the seat. He was extremely annoyed at Jahmene and was feeling crabby.
"Could have licked the Liberty Bell." Jahmene muttered. Finn scowled at him.
"We're going to the airport!" He declared, firmly.
"Bong, bong…" Jahmene announced. Finn snapped.
"Why do I hang out with you? Why? All I wanted was to have a regular beer, in a regular bar with my regular friends, in my regular city!"
"Look, our forefathers died for the pursuit of happiness, okay? Not for the sit around and wait of happiness. Now if you want, you can go to the same bar, drink the same beer, talk to the same people everyday, date the same girl, or you can lick the Liberty Bell! You've gotta grab life by the crack and lick the crap out of it!"
Suddenly, the cab driver choked back a sob. "That was beautiful, man!" He cried.
"Thanks, Leonard. Finn, you're missing out on a valuable life lesson!"
"Look, I don't need you to teach me how to live, okay? I know how to live. If you want to go lick the Liberty Bell just go lick it yourself."
"No, it has to be the two of us."
"Why? Why do you need me?"
"Because you're my best friend, alright? The way I see it, we're a team. Without you, I'm just the dynamic uno. You know what, fine. If you wanna go home... then we'll go home."
Finn sighed in defeat. "Fine...we'll go lick the Liberty Bell!" He conceded. Jahmene smiled.
"Good 'cuz we're here!" He jumped out of the cab, and Finn followed him, flabbergasted. How had Jah redirected the cab? Dan let them in and, by god, they licked the crap out of the Liberty Bell. It tasted like freedom. And pennies. Suddenly, security came rushing in.
"Hey, what the hell are you doing?" One of them shouted. Finn and Jahmene started to run away, but the security guards followed them and tried to restrain them. They tried to hit Finn and Jahmene with a baton and tried to taser them. Jahmene threw his suit jacket at them as a distraction and then him and Finn sprinted to the airport like no tomorrow. They arrived shortly and took the next flight to New York. They arrived in JFK at 3 am, and took a cab back to the apartment. Finn had a black eye, and both of their shirts were ripped and partly untucked. Finn was incredibly surprised they were even allowed on the plane and weren't arrested by airport security. They walked into the apartment at around 4. Ella, Dalton and Taylor were all sitting on the couches, looking at the clock nervously. They were worried because Finn and Jahmene hadn't arrived yet. When the two men walked in, their faces filled with relief. Ella ran over to Finn and kissed him.
"Where the hell were you? Dalton said you guys should have arrived 5 hours ago!" She asked, still holding him tightly.
"Well, we were meant to, but Jahmene had other plans…" he muttered and they all laughed. Finn and Jahmene spent the next hour telling their friends about what had happened. Finn finally realised why he hung out with Jahmene: he never got where he thought he wanted to go, but he always got a great story.
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