I sincerely hope this helps for anyone who needs it. We're all in this together.
Hey
Life is hard right now. No matter your age, race, gender, etc., things are hard right now. It's okay to feel sad. It's okay to need to unwind and mentally escape for a while. It's okay to feel whatever you're feeling right now.
The last few years have been hard. There has been constant strife, constant arguing, and now, even when facing a terrifying disease, we still can't come together. It feels hopeless and disparaging. It feels like we have no chance of a better future.
One of the beautiful things about this period of time, though? Everything is changing, and the Internet is more amazing than most of us realize. We're able to connect with people all over the world. We're able to learn about people we otherwise would never even hear about. Through stories like fanfics, we're able to discover new perspectives we'd otherwise never be exposed to.
Even though we're seeing the darkest sides of humanity right now, even though it feels hopeless, it's not.
And you know why that is?
Because we can see that darkness. If enough people see that darkness, it starts to go away, slowly over time. The more people that see those monsters, the less likely more monsters are to form. Slowly, and painfully, people are becoming more aware of the world around them, and even though it doesn't feel like it, people as a whole are changing.
The more pain people see, the more people see how messed up the world is, the more it'll change for the better. If no one sees how messed up the world is, they won't care enough to change it. I know that seeing other people suffering is painful. I know that it's uncomfortable to see other people struggling, and it's okay to need breaks from that.
But, listening to someone's story, however painful, makes you a better person.
Spreading knowledge, makes the people around you better people.
Just looking someone in the eye and showing compassion, makes us all better.
People are terrible, stupid, and stubborn. They are ugly and disgusting.
But, they're also beautiful and compassionate. For the last five years, I've been working on a series of books designed to help people become more understanding. To help them understand complex concepts like systemic racism, sexism, and gender. I've tried to create a dynamic and exciting storyline, to keep people interested. Use language that everyone, regardless of their education/background, can understand. I've been using fanfics to try and come up with the best writing styles to convey ideas. I've tried to flesh out the world so that people can become fully immersed. I've based the languages and cultures on non-European ones in order to promote different cultures that people normally wouldn't care to look at, and have countless poc characters in various positions of power, to normalize that to the average person and make real poc feel good. To embolden them and read about people like them who face impossible odds and still persevere.
I dated someone for about… four years? He had, effectively, paranoid schizophrenia- he thought that people were making gang signs at him. He thought people were transmitting instructions to his brain, and were trying to train him into being a rapist. I watched the person I loved lose his mind, which was one of the most painful experiences I have ever felt, and stayed with him during most of his recovery. One of the things that happened because of that, is that I became demoralized from explaining things. He could have the most insane, implausible, stupid ideas in his head, and no matter how many ways I explained he was wrong, no matter how much evidence I had, it simply didn't matter.
So I escaped into my Soul Circus series, creating characters and a world to disappear into. There, I could create a world of my own making. I could explain complex concepts without someone fighting back.
Back in high school, when I was sad, I would read the stories of people who were suffering. Racism, sexism, ect. My logic was "I'm too weak to stand up for poc. I'm too shy and soft spoken to speak up when I see discrimination in person, I'm too weak to correct someone in a conversation… so, I'll listen. I'll make sure that, every single time I see someone's story online, begging people to listen to them, I'll listen. I may not be able to speak up, I may not be able to stop it, but I will make sure they're heard, and I won't add to the hatred and bigotry. I can't change people, and I'm too weak to speak up and confront people, so I'll listen and make sure that every voice is heard."
My Soul Circus series is a project I channeled everything I know about people into. I tried to use the stories I read about in high school. I used my pain to try and bring life to my characters. When I was in college, I took countless classes to learn about people- anthropology, sociology, psychology, life drawing, dance- I was fascinated by people, too scared to interact with them directly most of the time, but I wanted to learn. I pushed my personal boundaries by taking ballroom dancing classes. I went to a Sufi Camp to learn about other cultures. I exposed myself to as many people as possible, putting myself in situations where I could learn and observe other people in various settings, without putting myself at too much risk.
I listened, and I felt the pain of others.
I'm not saying all of that to brag or promote my books- they're not published yet, and I'm still working on them. I say that to show that there are people who care. There are people who are listening.
Even when it feels helpless, people are trying.
Even when it seems like all people are heartless monsters, they're not, the monsters are just loud.
Even though it feels like we are heading towards a dystopian future- and are arguably already in one- I am still reaching for a Star Trek future. People are dumb, selfish, and short-sighted, and it is painful to acknowledge that- but this is not the end. One of the things I have learned from this ordeal is that listening to people suffering is more powerful than people give it credit for. It's easy to make a sandwich for a homeless person and walk away- it is painful, uncomfortable, and hard to research, listen, and explore different ways to help them that aren't intuitive. Listening to people and expanding your horizon is more painful and difficult than almost anything else, and is undervalued. Listening to someone describe how they were brutally attacked for something as menial as their skin pigment is harder than just giving them a sandwich and leaving. Listening to others and altering your behavior (within reason) as a form of respect, is legitimately hard.
I want my Star Trek future- where being poor isn't a death sentence, and "homeless people deserve to die" isn't a common belief. Where we value science and equality. Where we build each other up, not tear each other down. Where we come together to accomplish great and amazing things, and embrace diversity and conversation, not screaming and violence.
We have the power to coordinate like never before. We are connecting to other people, like never before. We are seeing the world in ways that have literally never been seen before.
It's okay to feel scared. It's okay to feel overwhelmed. It's okay to be critical and pessimistic.
Just remember that you're not alone. If we all try hard enough, we can get that Star Trek future, it's just going to take a while.