"Morning." She greeted, not even giving him a glance, when she entered sickbay the next morning.
He got up and followed her hesitantly. He felt the need to say something, to somehow make up for their catastrophic date the day before.
"Irina?" he asked quietly.
"What is it?" she snapped at him, not even turning around from checking the biobed sensors.
"I just wanted to say that I am deeply sorry for what I've done yesterday."
"So?" she finally turned around and looked at him with her eyes narrowed "I hope you have a good excuse for what you did."
"To be honest, I don't. I can just repeat, I wasn't fully in control of myself."
"Then would you please at least tell me what was wrong?"
He gulped.
"I could tell you but I am afraid you will be mad at me afterwards."
She gave him a cold laugh.
"Do you really think I could get any more mad than I am right now?"
He sat down on the biobed she was just checking, staring at the floor with his head and shoulders hanging. She looked at him from the corner of her eyes. He actually seemed to feel bad as well.
"Hey" she said more softly and sat next to him "whatever it is, please tell me. Although at the moment I feel like I could just rip your head off I am still your friend. I need to know what's wrong. Please."
He sighed and rubbed his forehead as if he was having a headache.
"I am not sure how to put it. Or if I should tell you at all."
"Please just spit it out. It's my job to think of a reaction afterwards."
He took a deep breath.
"When we were... you know... I was fantasizing... about Seven of Nine."
There. He said it. The secret was out. His deepest secret.
Irina stared at him with her brows furrowed.
"You did what?"
"As I said I knew you would be mad. All I can say is that I'm terribly sorry."
Irina shook her head.
"Sometimes we have no control over our thoughts. Sometimes fantasies just come and go without us being aware of it. I don't blame you for that. But why did you take me on that date then? Why didn't you stop?"
"I did. Just way too late. When I heard you say that you loved me I started having second thoughts. But then I already was too..."
"Horny?"
The Doctor looked at the floor sheepishly.
"Well... yes, if you want to put it like that."
"And again I can't blame you. I felt the same at that moment. I think we both have been alone for far too long."
He looked up and her gazes met for a few seconds. This time they were both hurt and lovesick but at least they knew that the other one felt the same and they both knew the reasons for it.
"Sometimes I wish I could just redirect my feelings for Seven to you, Irina. It would make things so much easier for both of us."
"I can't say I would object to that."
They both fell silent for a moment as the Doctor seemed lost in thought. When he started talking again his voice was hoarse and shaky.
"Maybe... if I could go into my program and delete my memories of Seven, I would-"
"No! Please. I don't want you to mess with your memories only because of me. You've had such a great time with her. I remember how happy you were after you danced together at Sandrine's. I don't think you should forget about all of that. On top of that, I think you're her best friend. By deleting your memories she would lose you."
"Probably you're right. I just find it hard to carry on like this."
Irina hesitantly lifted her hand and put it on his shoulder, squeezing it gently.
"I am afraid there is no easy way out. Maybe you just need more time."
"I don't know. Sometimes I wish she knew how I felt."
"Why do you think that?"
"When I wanted to tell her about my feelings she turned me down before I could even start talking. Sometimes I think if she knew it would be easier for me. I think if she knew how I felt she were able to make a more... informed choice."
"What do you mean?"
"Back then, she made a list of all possible mates aboard this ship. I wasn't even on the list. I don't know why. Maybe she thought as a hologram I weren't able to feel emotions such as love and attraction. I think if I had been on the list maybe she would have considered me."
He looked at Irina and saw the sympathy in her eyes.
"It's a vain attempt, isn't it?" he asked.
Irina sighed.
"I am afraid it is. But if you think she needs to know you should tell her. Then you can at least know for sure how she feels. I mean then she can make a more informed choice, as you've put it before."
"But I don't know how. I can't just go like 'Oh, I know you don't consider me to be even on your list of possible mates but I still wanted to say that I love you'. That's ridiculous. And humiliating."
"Maybe I can talk to her."
"And say what?"
"I don't know. Maybe I can sound her out carefully?"
The Doctor gave her a sceptic glance.
"But probably that's a dumb idea" Irina added as she saw his reaction.
He sat there for a while without saying anything, being lost in thought.
"You know what" he eventually said "I have nothing to lose. If you think talking to her might help in any way – do it. Maybe you can find out what she sees in me. If she even considers me to be a man, like one made out of flesh and blood."
"I will try, Doc. If there is any way how I can help you, I will try it."
When Irina stepped into the Astrometrics lab, Seven was standing at her console, absorbed in her work. As she heard Irina's steps she turned around.
"Ensign Irina Kozlova. Please state your intention."
"I... I want to talk to you." Irina said and looked away sheepishly.
"About what?"
"About... the Doctor and you... and me."
"You're feeling romantically attracted to him." Seven said, not making clear if this was a question or a statement.
Irina was dumbstruck. How did she know? Had someone told her? Tom maybe? But why should he?
"How- how do you know?" she stammered.
"It is very obvious. When you are near him your pupils dilate, you blush and you smile a lot more often. These are the typical signs of human attraction."
"Oh, I see" Irina said and felt her cheeks blush. "And he... I mean... what do you think of him?"
"You mean if I have these feelings for him? No, I don't. He's my best friend and I am glad to have him in my life. But there are no romantic feelings from my side. Although I know he wished it was different."
"Wait- what?" Again, Irina was flabbergasted. "You know? And still you didn't consider him to be even on your list? Why? It is because he's a hologram?"
"No, this fact is irrelevant. It's because he is not the type of man I am attracted to. I don't think I could ever feel more than friendship towards him."
"The friend zone." Irina murmured.
"The friend zone?"
"It's a term from earth. It means when you want a relationship with someone else but they just want to be friends with you."
"Like you and the Doctor or the Doctor and me"
Ouch, that hurt.
"Well... technically... yes"
There was a moment of silence before Seven started talking again.
"So what exactly do you want from me?" she asked.
"To be honest, I don't know. I know that the Doctor wanted to confess his feelings to you before but you told him immediately that there was no suitable mate for you on this ship."
"Yes. I wanted to spare him the embarrassment."
"Really? I think he didn't understand that. He... he still thinks there is hope for you two, because he doesn't know that you know about his feelings. He thinks if you knew you would maybe make a different decision."
Seven sighed and shook her head.
"Human emotions are so inefficient and illogical. I will talk to him."
And with these words she turned on her heels and made her way to sick bay.
"No! Wait a second!" Irina shouted and ran after her.