CHAPTER 28: MÉNAGE À TROIS
The city of Royal Woods was always well-known for how nice a place it was to live. With good education for its youth, great and varied choices of recreation, and generally good living conditions. Crime is at a low point not only state-wise, but also nationally, making it one of the safest places to live. No doubt, this small city is a prime place to start a life for one's self, maybe raise a family.
Then, with the arrival of Ace Savvy, all notions of a crime-free Royal Woods came to an end. Now, supervillains lurk in every corner, hoping to lure out and get a chance to battle against the spade-spannered hero. As with every talent pool, there are the 'pedigree' supervillains; sporting catchy names, wearing fashionable costumes, and posing legitimate threats; but, then, there are morons with no talent who dress like complete jackasses and do little more than commit minor offenses or just inconvenience others.
Ace Savvy has had his share of the latter; facing off against a group of 4 misfits, a raging alcoholic unable to put togethere a simple sentence, a sentient mass of human waste, a trio of female supremacists, a naked terrorist, and all other means of stupid supervillains. For every 2 or 3 idiotic supervillain, however, he has had to face off against one who poses an actual threat to the public. When fighting against the first 3 serious supervillains: Nailbomb, Icebreaker, and Decibel, he was completely unprepared, leaving him to face defeat each time.
Now, the situation has changed for both parties. Ace Savvy has had a win against a serious supervillain under his belt, albeit not the most successful win, and the 3 supervillains are more than familiar with their target now. What they do not know, however, is how far this hero has gone to improve himself, and how far he had come.
Marching down the street in downtown Royal Woods, in the dead of the night, these 3 supervillains combine their efforts to lure out the spade-spannered hero, aiming for a rematch as ordered by their superior. With the 3 of them all combining their efforts, another defeat of the boy would surely be easy; a mindset that they all kept fresh in their heads.
"So, you really think that punk got better?" Decibel asked.
"I doubt it. We all kicked his punk-ass 6 ways from Sunday. Of course, I got him the worst, you know." Nailbomb said.
"You got him worst? Please. I got that dumb little brat." Icebreaker said.
"What the hell are talking about? You're literally the only one who he managed to beat."
"Yeah, but I at least got away with all my powers intact. Didn't that kid blow up your supposedly bomb-proof suit?"
"He did, and I'd like to mention that I was the only one he didn't even lay a finger on. So, uh, who gets the bragging rights now?" Decibel asked.
"You shut up! I still got him first out of all of you." Nailbomb said.
"Whatever, man. Can you still believe that this is just some dumb kid doing this as a school project? Like, a little extreme measure, don't you think?" Icebreaker asked.
"Yeah, but that give me all the reason to question it. How do you know he wasn't just messing with you or lying?"
"What would he have to gain out of that?"
"We don't know, that's the problem. None of us really know what this kid's about. For all we know, he might just be the dumb kid that we all think he is, or maybe he's something else altogether."
"Like what?" Decibel asked.
"I don't know, but, you don't find it just a little hard to believe that some kid would just pick it up this easy?"
"Nailbomb, that's pretty much every kid's dream, and they'd do it in a heartbeat." Icebreaker said.
"Yeah, sure, but how'd he manage to get his powers? It's there's a Superpowers-R-Us out there or something."
"Technically speaking, there is. How do you think I got these powers? The D.O.J. mighta used me as their guinea pig, but how many else might've gone through that shit somewhere overseas?"
"But, again, how did a kid get it?"
"Tell you what, Nailbomb. If you put some focus into the task at hand here, maybe we could actually get the kid, and, maybe, just maybe, we could just torture him until he tells us. Now, I know that sounds kind of crazy, but, that sounds an awful lot like what we're supposed to be doing, so, maybe, just maybe, we should try it and see what happens. Don't you think?" Decibel asked.
"Okay, okay, yeah. Just thinkin' out loud. So, what should we attack first?"
"How about the Burpin' Burger? There it is there." Icebreaker said.
"No, no, I can't bring myself to blow up a good burger joint. I might want a bite after this."
"Fatass. Fine, how about... that jewelry store? You don't strike me as a guy who cares about jewelry." Decibel said.
"A jewelry store? Don't you think that's a little cliche? What next, you wanna rob a bank?"
"Hey, dipshit, wasn't your first crime here robbing a bank?" Icebreaker said.
"...Oh, yeah. I forgot."
"Yeah, and who cares if it's cliche or not, anyways? Our goal's to lure out the kid. If he's into the comic books as much as it looks, then he'll follow the cliches like a map." Decibel said.
"Okay, okay, fine. Let's go with the jewelry store."
Loading a grenade in his right arm cannon, Nailbomb fired the grenade at the aforementioned jewelry store, destroying it in an instant and setting the remains aflame. As a result of their attack, many nearby civilians began screaming in panic, fleeing from the scene to avoid any injuries upon themselves. Not seeming to pay attention to the civilians nor the chaos being caused, the supervillains patiently waited for Ace Savvy to show up, acting nonchalant about the waiting period.
"That outta get his attention. Now, we wait for that brat to show up." Nailbomb said.
As many civilians grew fearful and terrorized and the fires of the destroyed jewelry store beginning to spread, the supervillains did not continue their mayhem; still patiently waiting for the arrival of Ace Savvy. Feeling the seconds pass into minutes, checking their watches, and looking around their surroundings, the 3 supervillains began to grow bored; resorting to more conversation to pass the time.
"So, you guys try that Chinese place down at Rockwell?" Decibel asked.
"No, how is it?" Icebreaker asked.
"Real good lo mein. Cheap price too, you can get like, a whole quart of it for 5 bucks."
"Damn. You said it's on Rockwell?" Nailbomb asked.
"Yeah, yeah. It's next to the bowling alley. Nice people too, service was real great. Cashier had a nice ass."
"Of course you'd go for that." Icebreaker said.
"I can't help it, I like eating Asian, if you know what I mean."
"Yeah, we know what you mean, pal. We ain't laughin', but we get it." Nailbomb said.
"Yeah, right. You know what's really funny, though? You know those fortune cookies that they put in your meal?"
"Yeah?" Icebreaker asked.
"Well, when I went there, mine said-"
Before Decibel could finish his sentence, a series of playing cards flew towards the supervillains, instantly taking them off their trains of thought. After a moderate period of waiting for their opponent to arrive, the 3 were finally granted with the presence of the guest of honor, standing before the one and only...
"Ace Savvy. Took you long enough." Decibel said.
"I took a cab. So, care to share why you blew up my little sister's favorite jewelry store?" Ace Savvy asked.
"As a matter of fact, we'd be too happy to. See, we got word that you somehow took out a couple of our comrades; Tommy Gunn and Killer Crab, and you did it on your own."
"Well, I can't take all the credit. My sidekick helped me with Killer Crab. He couldn't make it tonight, but he sends his regards."
"Is that so? Well, I hope his regards to you were his final ones, because we came here for one simple reason. You somehow took out a couple of our guys, so, now that we got you all by ourselves, all 3 of us are gonna kill you."
"Really? And what makes you think you're gonna do that?"
"Oh, I don't know, maybe the fact that we all kicked your ass six ways from Sunday when you fought us before, and, now, we're all fighting you together. Just a wild guess."
"Well, you guessed wrong. I've gotten a lot better since we last danced, so I'm more than ready to take you guys all on. Tommy Gunn and Killer Crab were just the beginning."
"Alright, then. Take your shot."
[Soundtrack Cue: The Prodigy - The Heat (The Energy)]
With the final request of Decibel calling Ace Savvy for a fight, the spade-spannered hero readied a set of cards in his hand, sending them a charge of energy. Realizing that the supervillains had seriously underestimated his recent improvements in his fighting style and techniques, Ace Savvy let out a cocky smile, showing no fear of the battle he was about to take part in.
Now, it was time to regain his honor as a superhero.
"Gladly. It looks like it's time to... deal out some justice." Ace Savvy said.
Putting a charge of energy to his feet, Ace Savvy launched himself into the air, preparing a set of cards in each hand to attack. Putting an official start to the fight, Ace Savvy tossed another set of cards to the feet of the supervillains; separating them to take them on one at a time.
Just as he had planned, the supervillains dispersed themselves from the explosions; none wanting to get hurt, and acting purely on reflex. Also as he had planned, while Icebreaker and Decibel had fleed from the blasts, Nailbomb did not; his new bomb-proof suit protecting him from the blasts. By being the last remaining supervillain in the vicinity, he became Ace Savvy's first target.
Where their first battle had left Ace Savvy nearly brain-damaged from the fight, it had given him a way to defeat Nailbomb: By blowing up his suit. Not wanting to have this instance repeated, Nailbomb readied himself to fight back against the attacking Ace Savvy. Putting his arms up towards the spade-spannered hero, Nailbomb began firing back at his enemy, using grenades to keep him at bay.
"I know you're just gonna absorb my hits, so I made sure to bring low-explosives instead. Won't make as big a 'boom' as I like, but it's enough to kill any regular human being, and enough to keep you back!" Nailbomb said.
Upon landing on the ground, Ace Savvy was met with a barrage of grenades being fired his way; each aimed straight for him with the intent to detonate on contact. While absorbing some extra energy would become useful in most circumstances, it would also cost a few seconds' worth of delays, and he could not afford such an interruption with lives at stake.
Pulling out his baton, Ace Savvy extended the weapon to its longest length, aiming to deflect the grenades as they fired his way. Having went through some intensive hand-eye coordination with Luna's music lessons, the task might not have been easy, but it surely was nowhere near difficult. Running his way through the explosives, Ace Savvy came face-to-face with the mad bomber once again, ready to face him directly.
With Lynn's kickboxing and martial arts lessons and Lana's teachings on melee weapons under his belt, Ace Savvy utilized these skills to make a different approach to defeating Nailbomb. His suit might have been bomb-proof, but it did not share the luxury of also being immune to any hard blows from a fist, at least, not in the right spots. Having gained a good briefing on human anatomy with Lisa, he knew exactly which spots to hit.
Moreso, with the blunt force of a baton to attack the supervillain with, Ace Savvy managed to bring Nailbomb to his knees; having bashed both of them enough times with solid steel mixed with tungsten. Putting Nailbomb to his knees, Ace Savvy drove his hands into the supervillain's suit once again, hitting several points like joints and ammo magazines to blow. Before allowing the villain's suit to be destroyed, the hero also took a pack of C4 for himself, wanting to absorb it to compensate for the spent energy.
"Sorry, you really bombed on that fight. You just couldn't nail it." Ace Savvy said.
As Ace Savvy let out his victorious pun, Nailbomb's suit exploded; leaving the villain inside unharmed, but his suit and weapons destroyed. Just as Nailbomb's suit had exploded, Ace Savvy had detonated the C4 in his own hands, taking in the blast all to himself and recuperating his energy from the first fight.
With one opponent down, there remained two more to defeat: Icebreaker and Decibel. Readying another set of cards in his hand, Ace Savvy selected the villain named Icebreaker as his next target. As Nailbomb laid defeated at the feet of Ace Savvy, Icebreaker readied a set of ice crystals in his hands, indicating that he had also accepted to attack the hero next.
"You know, the only reason you got any sort of gain on me is because you had your dumb little sidekick." Icebreaker said.
"You sure about that?" Ace Savvy asked.
Not wanting to take the bait of Ace Savvy's taunt, Icebreaker began firing a blast of ice underneath his feet, creating a sort of ice slide taking him straight to the spade-spannered hero for a fight. With the ice crystals in his hands materialized and sharpened to a needlepoint, Icebreaker sent the crystals flying towards Ace Savvy, looking to go for a bladed attack.
Ace Savvy was definitely impervious to any sort of attack involving a transfer of energy, but projectiles are one of the few items that can seriously harm him. This might just have posed a serious threat to the hero, had not he been trained in acrobatics from Lola. Dodging the ice shards with finesse and style, Ace Savvy put himself face-to-face once again with Icebreaker, ready to defeat him as well.
Intent on destroying Ace Savvy, Icebreaker materialized a pair of blades made of ice forming from his arms, giving himself a pair of bladed weapons to cut the spade-spannered hero to pieces. Where Icebreaker sought to fight his enemy with cold, Ace Savvy had his own means to fight back with heat. Taking his baton in hand and extending it once again to its full form, Ace Savvy emitted a light charge within the weapon; heating it up to melt through the icy villain.
Icebreaker made a swing with his ice blades towards the hero, aiming to cut away at Ace Savvy and end him by lopping off a limb or his head. Once again, his new teachings of gymnastics had suited him well to dodge the attacks, as well as his kickboxing skills had suited him to deflect a few more. Above all, however, the most important thing to put to the test was his heated baton. With no actual experience with it under his belt, it now came time to see it in action.
Taking his baton to one of the approaching ice blades, the superheated stick had melted straight through the blade, leaving the severed half to fall to the ground to shatter and melt. Materializing another ice blade in place of the lost weapon, Icebreaker continued on his attack, his relentlessness driving him forward in the fight.
Just as Icebreaker was determined to win, so was Ace Savvy. With each new blade of ice that came his way, the spade-spannered hero batted his baton against each one, melting it in an instant. Icebreaker, making one downward strike with both of his blades, aimed both straight for Ace Savvy, only to have his staff impact on them.
Where the other blades were melting upon impact, these ones were managing to hold in one piece despite the amount of heat put against them, placing the two at a stalemate. Looking at the strained face of Icebreaker stare back at him, Ace Savvy noticed that it was taking all of his enemy's concentration to keep up the standoff.
As such, he decided to take advantage of this. Continuing his hold on his baton with one hand, Ace Savvy charged a card and placed it in his body suit. Finishing off his attack, Ace Savvy performed a backflip, kicking Icebreaker square in the chest, hitting his card as he placed it. With his kick being backed up by the power of his exploding card, the young hero sent Icebreaker flying back onto the ground.
[Soundtrack Cue End]
"I hate to break it to you, but your whole act was on thin ice." Ace Savvy said.
When Icebreaker made no more attempts to get back up, it was clear that he was no longer a factor in the fight. Having both Nailbomb and Icebreaker defeated, there only laid one last villain to go: Decibel. Although there only remained one more villain to fight, Ace Savvy was now set to face off against the one who nearly ended his life; why he did not then is a mystery that will stick with him.
Now, with his final villain waiting for him to attack, Ace Savvy stood before the last villain standing; watching the enemy known as Decibel look right back at him. It was now clear and present that Ace Savvy would not be some kind of pushover as he once was, but that did not stop Decibel from making a few quips of his own. Whether or not these jokes were out of arrogance or to conceal fear is another debate.
"Hmm. Gotta say, that's not bad at all, kid. However, you might have managed to beat those two before, or, at least put a decent-sized dent in them, you never laid a finger on me. In fact, you would've been dead if I hadn't stopped." Decibel said.
"I'm more concerned that you ruined my concert. By the way, why not kill me? Any particular reason you want me alive?" Ace Savvy asked.
"I don't want you alive, but the boss does. As much as I'd love to kill you, what he says goes, so it ain't gonna happen just yet, fortunately for you."
"So, you guys have a boss who wants me alive? Why exactly? And what's your whole big plan, already?"
"Pfft. Like I'd actually just flat-out tell you. Idiot. Like I said, he won't let me kill you, but, fortunately for me and unfortunately for you, I know plenty of ways to hurt someone bad without getting them anywhere near dead."
"Don't be so sure. I'm not one to take a beating easy."
"That's funny, you seemed to take mine pretty well at the concert. So, tell me, are we gonna talk all night, or are we gonna fight?"
"I was just waiting for your cue. My lead or your lead?"
Decibel fired a soundwave blast towards Ace Savvy, answering his question with actions rather than words. Dodging out of the way of the blast, Ace Savvy landed atop a parked car, allowing himself a split-second to recover.
[Soundtrack Cue: KMFDM - Glory]
"Okay, your lead. Let's go." Ace Savvy said.
Not wasting any more time with his opponent, Decibel fired another soundwave blast towards Ace Savvy, prompting the hero to avoid the blast with a swift dodge. On his mind is not fear and anxiety towards this battle, but anticipation and excitement. With 2 supervillains down and only one to go, his honor as a hero would finally be restored, and the people would surely look towards him for protection rather than Silver Sentinel.
Where the past battle between the two had only led to Ace Savvy facing complete defeat without any shred of honor or dignity after their fight, the spade-spannered hero was not ready to repeat the mistakes of past. Having both new training and new equipment under his belt, the path to victory was ever-so clear to him now; as if he had already won this particular battle.
Rather than charge any cards or make any sort of frontal attack towards the supervillain, Ace Savvy baited himself to force some shots out of Decibel, awaiting his soundwave blasts. With each blast, Decibel began dwindling his own resources of sound, not unlike how Ace Savvy had dwindled his own energy in their past battle.
However, while Ace Savvy's means of recharging are much more difficult and specific, needing to find energy in motion and capturing it, Decibel can recharge much easier; having plenty of sound around him to work with. His blasts may deplete his ammunition quickly, but they can be recharged just as fast; leaving this problem to be minimal.
A fact he did not immediately catch onto until soon into the fight, however, was the lack of sound coming from Ace Savvy. Not only was he remaining carefully silent for the battle, but there was no apparent noise coming from him whatsoever; not even anything so much as a footstep. This strange fact lingered itself within the mind of Decibel fairly well, but he dismissed it as not a problem.
The instant Ace Savvy disappeared into the shadows without a trace, however, is when it did become a problem for him. With the spade-spannered hero no longer in sight, Decibel called out in frustration for the hero to show himself; wanting a more fair fight. Of course, as the last fight between these two was anything but fair, there was no chance of this request to be met.
"Where are you, you white-haired brat?! C'mere, I got a song request specifically made out for you!" Decibel shouted.
From out of the corner of the shadows, an index finger laid itself upon one of the controls of Decibel's suit. The supervillain of sound may not have noticed the transfer of energy, but he did know that this touch made clear the presence of Ace Savvy, the sneaking ability taught by Lucy; bringing him to fire off another soundblast towards where the touch came from.
With another touch being laid upon another piece of his suit, Decibel once again detected the presence of Ace Savvy, leading him to fire once again in the direction of the superhero. Once again, Decibel did not manage to hit the hero, leaving his blast wasted. Feeling touch after touch of the hero come out from the shadows, Decibel continued to fire shot after shot at the hero in vain; never managing to hit him once.
Finally, after this cycle had continued itself long enough, Ace Savvy appeared clear as day in front of Decibel; no longer making any attempts to attack or hide. Believing that the hero had either finally given up his attack or chosen to face him head-on, Decibel let out a satisfied smile; finally able to hit him clearly once again.
[Soundtrack Cue End]
"So, finally standing your ground like a man? What was with those stupid ninja tricks?" Decibel asked.
"Just some sneaking skills my sister taught me." Ace Savvy said.
"A sister who likes shitty jewelry and does ninjitsu, huh? Must be more of a man than you."
"Actually, that's my other sister who likes jewelry. She's all about pageants."
"Well, doesn't matter now, kid, because you're gonna go off the air for good this time."
Decibel prepared his cannons to fire one last blast at the hero, hoping to take him down for good, but encountered a problem upon trying to do so. Despite hitting his controls like normal, no reaction came from the systems in his suit. Clicking the trigger to his sound cannon over and over, Decibel could not fire a single shot towards the spade-spannered hero, leaving him confused and frustrated.
"What the hell?! What'd you do to my suit, you little dicknugget?!" Decibel asked.
"Your suit runs off electricity in order to work. Electricity is energy in motion." Ace Savvy said.
Holding up a set of energetically charged cards, Ace Savvy displayed the playing cards in the air, showing where the energy from his suit had been transferred.
"And energy is what I absorb for attacks. Looks like you're about to... sound-off." Ace Savvy said.
Tossing the cards towards the stationary Decibel, Ace Savvy sent the cards flying straight towards the supervillain of sound, ready to take him down and defeat him once and for all. Looking at the cards as they came his way, Decibel realized that the weak boy they thought they would be facing was no longer some kind of pushover; realizing that they had been outclassed by a mere boy.
"Oh, fu-" Decibel tried to say.
Before he was able to finish his swear, Decibel was hit by the numerous exploding cards; leaving his suit to be destroyed by the explosions and knocked to the ground. Unable to rise again, Decibel laid back in defeat, joining his comrades in a fit of humiliation and misery.
Where the supervillains laid out in pity and pain, Ace Savvy stood tall in victory; finally defeating the supervillains that had cost him his reputation and now potentially gained it back. With his enemies defeated, there only laid the task of securing the lot for the authorities to detain.
"Great. I finally did. Now, one quick handcuffing for each of you, and I can finally get people to start liking me-" Ace Savvy began to say.
Before Ace Savvy could make any sort of apprehension of the supervillains, a hurricane-like gust of wind flew through the street, nearly knocking him off of his own feet. After removing his hands from his face to see what had just happened, the spade-spannered hero quickly found that his bounty, the three downed supervillains, were all gone without any sort of trace.
"What the-?! Where'd they go?!" Ace Savvy asked.
Activating his earbud to call Lisa, Ace Savvy inquired to his sister any information that could lead to the phenomenon that took away his three defeated supervillains.
"Lisa, you copy?" Ace Savvy asked.
"Affirmative." Lisa said.
"Hey, I need some help with something here; something really weird just happened. I beat all three bad guys, but they just disappeared."
"Disshappeared?"
"Yeah, you see anything in my area that could have caused that to happen?"
"Not on my shenshorsh. Whatever it wash, it musht have been too fasht for me to pick up on my computersh."
"Your computers? As in, the supercomputers you have that can pick up anything?"
"Anything but thish, it sheemsh. I'll require shome more inveshtigation in the matter. In any cashe, I believe you have two different datesh to shettle."
"What- How'd you know about the second one? I didn't tell anybody about that!"
"The contact lensh. You do know you are a dead man if Ronnie Anne findsh out."
"Yeah, well, she's not gonna find out. You and I are the only ones that know about her. Luna might know a thing or two, but she has enough plausible deniability. Oh, and Lucy claims to know, but I doubt she'll tell either."
"I shee. In any cashe, I have reportsh that show Lori and Bobby jusht picked up Ronnie Anne and they're coming back home, sho you may wish to return ash well to shtart exshplaining yourshelf."
"Crap, you're right. I really wish the night could've gone better. Oh, well, only one way to fix it."
The victory of having captured the three defeated supervillains might have been taken from him somehow, but there was still one salvageable possession to be had this day: His relationship with Ronnie Anne. Preparing his way back home, Ace Savvy readied himself for both a long walk home and one hell of an apology speech.
As long as the walk was, it was nowhere near a task to overcome as the speech.
Elsewhere, in the nondescript hideout of the supervillains, the downed Nailbomb, Icebreaker, and Decibel all rise from their resting places, observing their surroundings and realizing where they now were. Before any could question how they had arrived back to their hideout, their leader stood over them, appearing extremely disappointed.
"So, not one of you could beat the kid. Not one, even when all 3 of you were working together." The leader said.
"Uh, boss, you don't understand, the kid's gotten way better now. I mean, he was a pushover before, but he must've really stepped up his game." Decibel said.
"Yeah. I mean, we just barely stood against him. I don't know what he did to get better, but he just got the lead out of his ass." Nailbomb said.
"Yeah. I mean, you don't seriously we'd just lose to him on purpose, do you?" Icebreaker asked.
"Of course not. I was expecting you to lose." The leader said.
Predictably, not one of the defeated supervillains expected that response to come out of his mouth.
"Uh... Come again?" Nailbomb asked.
"Energy absorption and redirection isn't some low-tier superpower. Even the biggest moron on the planet could be useful on a battlefield with something like that. He was bound to pick himself up sooner or later. Now, we go to the next part of our little 'superhero extermination' plan." The leader said.
"What's your new plan, boss?" Icebreaker asked.
"We were supposed to make the people start to hate him. He's not very popular at the moment, but this last fight you two went through should put his career on its last legs."
"How? He kicked our asses; how is that gonna ruin him?" Decibel asked.
"He also has a considerable amount of property damage to answer to after fighting you. Now, there's just one more step to finish him off."
"What are you gonna do?" Nailbomb asked.
"I've called in an expert... Pubic Enemy."
Upon hearing the name of the hired help to deal with Ace Savvy, the 3 supervillains all let out a collective gasp; all familiar with the man known as Pubic Enemy, but none wishing they did.
"Boss, are you crazy?! That madman never leaves town without tearing it a new asshole first! You wanna send him? After a kid?!" Decibel asked.
"Kid or not, he's detrimental to the business. With Pubic Enemy, we'll have our hands cleaned of him." The leader said.
"But... But Pubic Enemy? That guy's not even a man, he's just plain damn crazy!" Icebreaker said.
"I think you might want to watch what exactly you say about his manhood. He's right behind you."
Turning to confirm the presence of the aforementioned character, the 3 supervillains were met with the sight of the man known as Pubic Enemy, seeing him stare right back at them. Upon seeing the supervillain in their sights, the collective of supervillains all backed away, cowering before the individual.
What makes Pubic Enemy so terrifying to the others? This particular individual is unique among supervillains in general: Where many live out a life of mayhem and chaos, this one lives a life making a profit of his unique abilities. What are his abilities? Well, let's start with his background.
First of all: No, you haven't been reading that wrong. It's Pubic Enemy, no 'L'. The man known as Pubic Enemy had never gone through puberty, but his genetics had one factor that granted him a superhuman ability: By eating a strain of hair from his target, he gains instant knowledge of said target; all their life and memory belonging to him.
Never having gone through puberty, however, he makes it a point to eat his target's pubic hair. Unable to grow a bush of his own, he chooses instead to be the bush trimmer; eliminating his targets completely.
Again, never having his body go through puberty, his childlike face is covered with a simple mask, but his voice is unmistakably like that of a child's; the innocent voice of a child contradicting his violent nature.
"So, your boys slipped up. Where do I find his traces?" Pubic Enemy asked.
"He hangs out at Flip's Food and Fuel. The bathrooms there aren't real clean, so you may have to go through a chore to get it." The leader said.
"That's fine. I don't mind a few extra samples. You have my payment?"
The leader displayed a silver briefcase to the bounty hunter, opening it to display a large amount of cash within.
"Half now, half when the job's done; just like you said." The leader said.
"Good. Consider it done. 1 dead 12-year old coming right up." Pubic Enemy said.
Meanwhile, at the home affectionately known as the Loud House, as the manhunt for Ace Savvy went underway, the life that came with his secret identity began to find its first sense of danger. Not one soul in the house knows of it; concerning themselves only with the date between Lincoln and Ronnie Anne. With anticipation for the betrothed couple to make their way back together, each continues coming up with their own theories as to how it went.
"They had to have kicked it off with flying colors. I mean, they really do like each other, whether they try to hide it from us or not." Lynn said.
"I don't know, dude. Lincoln's been awfully tight with Stella lately, and... Well, I don't know, maybe those two hit it off." Luna said.
"Oh, come on, Luna, there's no way our brother would cheat on Ronnie Anne like that. Right, Lola?" Lana asked.
"Ugh... Will you all quit talking about Lincoln and Ronnie Anne?! You're all making my headache worse!" Lola said.
"But, aren't you, like, all over this sort of gossip?" Leni asked.
"Normally, I'd be telling it like it is, sister. Right now, however, every time you talk about those two in the same sentence, it makes my headache worse."
"Don't worry, honey, I'll go get some more ibuprofen!" Lynn Sr. said.
"Now, children, we really shouldn't be talking like this about Lincoln and Ronnie Anne. They're both people with feelings, and feelings are very complex things. We can't just force them together if we want them to be." Rita said.
"We know, mom, we just love to talk about this sort of stuff! HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! Get it?" Luan asked.
"Yeah, I mean, some of us are kinda tomboys, but we're still girls, you know? You're telling us we ain't talkin' 'bout love?" Luna asked.
"I didn't say that, kids. I said we shouldn't be talking about it... but I can't help myself, either! My little baby boy, all grown up! Oh, dear, I think your father's emotional self is rubbing off on me." Rita said.
Suddenly, the front door to the Loud House opened up, putting the suspension regarding the date with Lincoln and Ronnie Anne to an end; finally seeing said date walk through the door. Where the group were all expecting Ronnie Anne to be walking back inside along Lincoln, only Ronnie Anne was to be found, holding back a decent amount of tears.
Of course, not a single person was expecting to see Ronnie Anne arrive back alone, especially not so unhappily. As the questions began bouncing back and forth between the sisters, the questions eventually found their way to Ronnie Anne herself.
"Hey, girl, what happened? Why're you lookin' so down?" Luna asked.
Ronnie Anne did not respond to the sister's question; said duty was left to the entering Lori and Bobby. Just as Ronnie Anne spouted a sad face, albeit a suppressed one, Lori and Bobby were both showing angry looks.
"Little Stinkin' Lincoln ditched her. Said he went to the bathroom, never came out." Lori said.
"What?! I don't understand, how could that happen?" Rita said.
Going to her own motherly instincts, Rita offered some comfort to the upset Ronnie Anne, placing her arms around her in a hug. While Ronnie Anne made some attempts to reject the display of care, she found herself succumbing to it anyways. Being only a young girl on the cusp of womanhood, emotions and self-control become harder to control by the day.
"I don't get what happened to him. First, he started asking all these weird questions, then, it seemed to be going good after that, then he just disappeared. I really thought he was looking forward to this." Ronnie Anne said.
"Oh, honey, Lincoln wouldn't just up and leave you like that. I'm sure he had a good reason to go, we'll find out what happened afterwards." Rita said.
"What kind of weird questions did he ask you, brah? Was something up with him?" Luna asked.
"I... I don't know. It was like, he was asking all these questions like I was cheating or something. I mean, I get why he would think that, but... it makes me think... was he really cheating on me all this time? Is that why he was avoiding me like that?" Ronnie Anne asked.
"Now, now, Ronnie Anne. Lincoln's a lot of things, but one thing I did not teach him to be is disloyal. Never in a million years would he do such a thing, especially not to a nice girl like you." Rita said.
For the past few days, whenever any sort of instance of Lincoln and Ronnie Anne were muttered in her presence, Lola would have a splitting headache come to her. No explanation could be given for it, and no apparent treatment could be made for it. All that remained for her was to seemingly wait it out: A recurring thought with this headache told her that she was meant to remember something important.
Never before did she realize what this important thought was, never did she think she would remember it... until now.
Sporting a sinister smile and a devilish pair of eyes, Lola propped herself off the couch to join the conversation, offering an important fact regarding the extramarital affairs of Lincoln Loud.
"Actually, Ronnie Anne... you just might be more right than you think. I just remembered something important." Lola said.
Meanwhile (again), at the derelict establishment known as Flip's Food and Fuel, the operator of said establishment, continued doing the exact same thing that he had always done when operating his store: Sitting on his fat, lazy ass while reading a porno mag. No sensible employee or even human being would accept this as acceptable behavior for customer service, but, with the night shift, Flip was unlikely to find any customers at this hour, much less any who cared.
But, then again, if you have worked in customer service, then you'd probably wish you could do exactly this, anyways.
In the midst of his relaxation, Flip caught ear of a set of footsteps heading his way, prompting him to lower his magazine. Upon lowering it, the old man was met with the sight of a masked gunman, known better as Pubic Enemy, holding a rifle to his face, causing him to drop the magazine in fear and raise his hands.
"No, please, don't kill me! Do whatever you want, just don't take my money!" Flip pleaded.
"The bathroom." Pubic Enemy said.
"...What?"
"Where's the bathroom?"
"Uh... on your left as you walk out. You can't miss it."
Obtaining the information he needed, Pubic Enemy removed his rifle from Flip, making his way towards the bathroom as he intended.
"Hey, you probably don't want to use that bathroom, I haven't cleaned it since 1972!" Flip said.
"I'm counting on it." Pubic Enemy said.
Exiting the door to make his way to said bathroom, Flip was left ignored and long forgotten by Pubic Enemy; now only concerning himself with his hunt. Having a masked gunman with a childlike voice ask for the bathroom, Flip reacts just as normally as anyone would, especially as a man his age.
"Jesus Christ, what the hell happened to this town?" Flip asked.
Making his way to the restrooms, Pubic Enemy entered the men's stalls, ready to find the scent of his target to find and kill. Before stepping inside, the scrotal supervillain took a large whiff of the musty air within, sniffing out the scent of any loose pubic hairs. Any normal individual would be instantly put off and repulsed if they had a proper sense of smell, but Pubic Enemy indulged deeply within its smells; like sniffing aged cheese.
By 'cheese', of course, I mean smegma.
Approaching the toilets, Pubic Enemy kneeled down to the first stall, sniffing out the stray short hairs on the toilet seat and rim. With a long streak of neglect falling the restroom for nearly 4 decades, the toilets were ripe with crusty old urine and semen, with long, black streaks of dried feces. Underneath all of the smells, of course, Pubic Enemy found the many stands of hair to sift through and find his target.
Picking up one strand and pulling up his mask, Pubic Enemy placed it in his mouth and slowly pulled it out; giving him just a brief glimpse into the life of whoever the hair belonged to. From just the brief glimpse, Pubic Enemy received the memory of a quickie between two young people, but neither identified as his target.
Taking another strand from underneath the seat, encased within some dried urine, Pubic Enemy tasted this strand as well, taking in some of the memories of this individual as well. From his brief glimpse, Pubic Enemy received a painful memory of urinating with gonorrhea, cringing as he experienced the memory that this person had.
Upon looking in the toilet bowl, Pubic Enemy noticed a stand of white pubic hair; a distinct difference from the brown stands in the toilet. Fishing out the strand and sniffing it, Pubic Enemy identified the hair as freshly developed from beginning adolescence, close to the target he was seeking.
With a simple taste of the hair, Pubic Enemy recalled the instance of a painful fit of diarrhea, brought upon by eating a radioactive pizza monster. Most importantly than this detail, however, was the individual involved in this manner. Experiencing the memory for himself, Pubic Enemy identified the hair as belonging to Ace Savvy. With his target found, the scrotal supervillain devoured the hair in full, letting himself absorb the entirety of his target's life.
Beginning from the exit of his mother's womb and into the hands of former First Lady Laura Bush, taking a turn at discovering Ace Savvy as a baby, making a friend with Clyde McBride somewhere in his early youth, fighting over his sisters for the TV remote a year ago, and leading up to the loss of this hair from his last visit to this toilet, Pubic Enemy discovered the identity of his target.
"Lincoln Loud." Pubic Enemy said.