The hours passed slowly for him, it was two o'clock in the morning and he'd wound up laying on the bed with her, his back propped up into the pillows as she lay curled into his left side fast asleep under the blanket. Her head resting on his lower ribcage and her left hand laying comfortingly on his chest. His own left arm was resting around her protectively too as he continued to watch the clock ticking slowly. He felt like he'd been sleep-walking for months, a ghost-like presence as she'd referred to him as earlier. It was the perfect description, he just had no idea how obvious it had been to her. But he was awake now, realising his errors. His undivided attention was quickly snatched from the clock when he felt the smallest of movement by his side. His whole face nearly melted as he pinpointed the disturbance. He couldn't stop the teary smile from creeping across his face as he gasped silently. The blanket was moving ever so discreetly over her bump, her brow furrowing in her deep sleep as the baby kicked. He was a wreck, emotionally. This was the first time he'd seen a movement. Moving his hand to her bump, he placed his palm on it gently. A small laugh escaped him upon feeling his unborn child moving against his touch. He couldn't believe it, smoothing his hand over her gently he continued to marvel at the moment. Enjoying every second of this unparalleled feeling. He'd really been missing out on all of this because of his own fears? He was mentally kicking himself. That ended now. This was all that mattered from here onwards. His small, if not slightly unconventional, family.
"That's not what I would call resting." He smiled small, his right brow raising slightly as he rested in the doorway as he stared at her.
"I'm sat down, I hardly think a bit of paperwork is going to cause any damage, Sam." She avoided his gaze, still scanning through her stacks of paper in search of a particular sheet.
"It doesn't matter whether you're sat, stood or running." He spoke calmly, moving further into her home office-space. "It's your blood pressure-"
"Funnily enough, I do happen to know the medical terminology and potential health risks involved-"
"Exactly." He interrupted her the way she had to him only seconds earlier. "So just stop."
"And do what?" She finally locked eyes with him, a genuine questioning look on her face as she slowly slumped back in her chair. "Retire to the settee in my dressing gown and slippers? Do a bit of knitting to pass the time?"
"Maybe?" The look of seriousness on his face invited her to roll her eyes frustratedly. She'd been discharged a week ago and felt as though she was imprisoned in her own home. "What's wrong with that?"
"It's just not really me, is it?" Her tensed jaw and cold eyes clearly signalled her harassed mood.
"When was the last time you actually relaxed? And no, doing paper work doesn't count as resting or relaxing." He rolled the latter of his sentence out quickly, knowing she'd try to argue that sitting down at a desk was a form of relaxation. "You can't even remember, can you?"
"I'm not programmed to sit and become a couch potato-"
"You're not a robot, Connie." He blinked sadly, his tone quickly changing. "And you're not invincible either, the last couple of weeks should tell you that much." He finally took a seat on the settee opposite her desk, studying her deflated body language. Her bump rising and falling gently as she breathed. "Stop pushing yourself so hard, just slow down a bit. In a few weeks you might be craving the couch potato life." He smiled warmly. "The night feeds, the endless crying, the sleepless nights." His heart fluttered seeing her smile in response to his comment.
"Baby number two." She marvelled softly as she stood to stretch her lower back. "Can you believe it?" Although her soft and faint words were posed as a question, he clearly understood it wasn't. Her smile diminished quickly and it was as if he could read her mind. This active avoidance of the issue, her incessant attempts at trying to stay busy, it was all a cover-up. Her fears and anxieties being expertly buried. "If this transplant doesn't work-"
"Hey, hey, don't talk like that." He was up on his feet instantly, moving around the desk to where she stood at the first sign of her becoming emotional. "It's going to be alright. Gracie will come out of this smiling and healthy." He exhaled shakily, so much so that she could feel his breath rattling in his chest as her head lay on it. "I promise you." He had enveloped her immediately upon reaching her. That's all he could do, it was a sad reality but he'd come to terms with the fact that this was the only way he could support her. Like Charlie had said, time and time again. Just be there for her. With each passing week, she was becoming more and more concerned about the impending treatment and whether or not it would work. She wasn't necessarily a woman of faith, but as of late she found herself internally praying that everything would be okay. All they could do was wait.
And for the next few weeks, waiting was exactly what they did.
But it wasn't enough anymore.
She'd tried. With every fibre of her being she had tried to relax as best she knew how to whilst Sam took charge of the cooking and cleaning in between going to work. But their time was running out and Connie could feel it. Today had been a particularly bad day for everyone. It was five o'clock in the evening, Sam was still yet to arrive home from the ED and Grace had been in bed all day, crippled with pain and illness leaving Connie sat helplessly by her bedside for the majority of the afternoon. She'd tried calling Sam three times now but still no answer. His phone was switched off. Huffing angrily after trying him for a fourth time she headed carefully back downstairs, cradling her growing bump as she tackled the stairs cautiously. She was still dressing as though she was going to work, it made her feel more productive. Albeit minus the sky-high heels, of course. As she reached the downstairs hallway the front doorbell rang loudly and her heart sank with the recollection that Audrey and Colin had said they'd swing by with tea this evening, their treat. Honestly, she was glad of their support since Grace needed as much love around her as possible right now but at the end of the day is when she felt the most exhausted and tonight was no exception.
"Colin, Audrey." She greeted them as warmly as she could with a small smile as she let them in. The rain was positively pelting down now, the cool air pushing between the older couple and spilling into the house before she closed the door behind them.
"Oh my, that weather out there is horrendous." Audrey cooed with a gentle laugh whilst she propped her umbrella by the coat stand. Colin was shrugging out of his coat before helping Audrey with hers. "It's lovely and warm in here though!"
"Indeed." He agreed. "We've brought the grub, where are we setting it?" His smile resembled Sam's as he waited her instruction.
"Well, Sam's not actually home yet and Grace has had a pretty rough day." Nodding tiredly she signalled down the hallway. "But please, feel free to get settled in the dining room and tuck in before it goes cold. The kitchen is a mess, I'll be with you as soon as I'm done tidy-"
"Don't be daft." Audrey cut her off abruptly. "We don't mind eating in the kitchen and it's mostly salad anyway. We'll wait for Sam and I'll help you tackle the mess."
"No, honestly, Audrey it's fine-"
"I wouldn't argue with her." Colin interjected, wrinkling his nose up as he spoke quietly. "She's on a cleaning binge at the moment." She could do nothing but smile tiredly at his comment before ushering him on down the hallway.
"I'll just pop back upstairs and see how Grace is doing, she hasn't eaten all day."
"Poor little mite, is she up for visitors?"
"Uh, I don't thi-"
"It's okay." Cutting her off delicately, he could see she was trying to find a polite way of saying no but he was more than understanding. "I don't want to over-step, tell her I have a surprise for her for when she's feeling better." He lowered his chin, his eyes smiling at her over his thick framed glasses perched on the end of his nose. "I'll give that son of mine a call before the salad goes cold." Joking warmly her gave her upper arm a reassuring squeeze before moving into the kitchen where the sound of Audrey tidying could be heard faintly.
On her way upstairs she pulled her phone out once more, it was twenty past six now and still no contact back from Sam. Growing impatient she dialled his number again only further disappointing herself when he didn't pick up. He was supposed to be back at five. Shoving her phone back in her pocket she took an extremely deep breath and moved into Grace's room. The dimly lit lights offered a sort of comforting environment but to no avail, Grace was still laying in a nest of what looked like five massive blankets and duvets in a desperate attempt to keep her warm. She was asleep but not soundly. Her breathing was fast and shallow, it had been for the last few hours hence Connie's numerous attempts to get hold of Sam. Rolling her lips together sadly, she perched herself on the edge of the bed, one hand enveloping her bump and the other one gently pushing Grace's hair behind her ear. Her focus immediately narrowing in on a new symptom.
"Gracie, you're burning up." She whispered lightly to herself, pulling some of the blankets back in a bid to cool her down but she was trembling with chills. Normally she was easy to wake but even with the moving of blankets and Connie's movement on the bed she was still snoozing with the occasional stir of groaning in her sleep. Quickly checking her pulse and temperature she concluded that this was too much now, she needed to be in hospital. Covering her frail and battling daughter back up, she headed back down the stairs as quickly as she could whilst simultaneously calling Grace's physician. The phone call was brief and urgent in nature and he concurred, Grace needed to be brought in as soon as possible.
"There we go, all tidy and you didn't even need to lift a finger." Audrey beamed with her back to the kitchen door as Connie entered the room. Glancing at Colin's face she noticed it drop with worry as soon as he'd made eye contact with a distraught Connie. Finally turning to face the pregnant clinical lead she could feel her heart beating hard and fast. "What? What is it?"
"It's Grace, I uh, I need to take her in. It's not good." She licked her lips worriedly whilst trying to remain as calm as she could. It was hard though, given the fact that she was almost hysterical on the inside. "She has a temperature and her heart rate is far too high for my liking." Speaking quickly, there was an evident tremor to her words as she scanned the room for her handbag and keys, trying her hardest to avoid the worried and concerned expressions of Sam's parents. "I think she has an infection."
"We'll come with you-"
"No, no it's fine, I think Sam's still at the hospital so I'll find him when I get there." Not facing in their general direction, she jumped upon feeling Colin's warm hand wrap around her forearm.
"Please, just let us drive you? I'd hate for you to be on the road in this state, especially with how bad the rain and hail is tonight." His voice was softer than she'd ever heard it before, usually she'd scoff at the term in this state like pregnancy was an illness but she knew he meant her shaking hands and emotional body language. Looking at him for some sort of reassurance she moved her gaze to Audrey who had indeed teared up but was trying her upmost to stay strong and calm.
"Thank you." Her whispered response almost gained a sigh of relief from Colin since he was positive she was going to reject any help they offered but to his surprise, she succumbed to the kind gesture.
"What did you call me here for, Emma?" He asked again, his hair still dripping wet from the howling rain and wind outside. He'd been trying to get an answer out of her for over an hour now. He couldn't lie, he was furious at himself for agreeing to meet her but at the same time his conscience was telling him something was wrong and he'd regret not checking to see if she was okay. She'd called him at the end of his shift, a snivelling and slurring mess on the other end of the phone. Having finally arrived at the house, he was shocked at the state of her and the mess of their current surroundings.
"I told you." She stammered in a drunken stupor. "I just need-" Stopping to gather her swirling thoughts she blinked for what seemed like minutes as Sam stood angrily in the doorway of the kitchen. She was slumped at the table surrounded by bottles upon bottles of vodka. The majority of which were empty. "I needed somebody to talk to."
"Emma." He began sternly with flared nostrils. "You've had too much to drink-"
"Don't tell me how much is too much to drink." she bellowed almost incoherently, forcing Sam to squint as he tried to fathom what she was saying. "I'm drowning my sorrows and if you hadn't noticed, I have a lot to drown!" Taking another swig, she swallowed with a wince before wiping her mouth with her jumper sleeve. "You ruined everything, Sam." Her small whisper was a far cry from her previous hostile barking.
"Emma, what is this?" He'd ignored the latter of her depressed whimpers, zoning in on a collection of unlabelled pill bottles on the kitchen side as he marched over to them and pulled the lids of frantically. All empty.
"None of your business-"
"No, listen to me!" He turned and crouched down before her in a complete panic whilst simultaneously patting down his pockets for his phone. Which turned out to be pointless. The battery was dead. "Shit!" He huffed irately. "Emma, look at me. I need you to tell me exactly what you've taken and how many?" His breathing had become so erratic that he could hear his ears ringing.
"Not enough, obviously." She scoffed sadly but still forced a laugh out as she cried. "I'm still here, aren't I?" Her eyes looked so empty yet so pained as she gazed at him vacantly. "I have nothing left-"
"Stop!" Gripping her upper arms forcefully he shook her in a fit of anger. "Stop it! I can't tell you enough how sorry I am for what I did and what happened to us-" A dry laugh interrupted his meaningless apology, shocking him slightly.
"Your ego was always going to be our downfall." Her words were hollow now, her eyelids hooded with the effect of alcohol and whatever pills she'd swallowed. "This isn't about you."
"Look, Emma, we don't have time for this! I need you to tell me what you've taken!" He paused, hurriedly trying to kickstart his reaction time. "Phone, where's your phone? We need an ambulance."
"Oh my God." She growled, pulling out of his grip. "You know what? Just go, leave me alone. I should never have called you, I knew you'd come over here acting like Doctor Do-Good. This is all your fault." Her sentences were a mess, all joined together like one long nonsensical word. He shook his head at her drunken state, her mouth wasn't even opening wide enough to pronounce her words properly anymore.
"Give me your phone." Snatching her phone from where he'd spotted it sitting on the table top, he dialled for an ambulance straight away. His actions didn't go without a fight though, she tried her best to swipe the device from his hands but he merely had to stand up to escape her swinging palms and fists.
He wasn't about to have her life weighing on his conscience as well.
"So, what? We just monitor her and wait it out like last time?" She propped her hands on her hips, her body language fully alert as she stood in the corridor outside Grace's room. Dr Maison had assessed the struggling teen and now had the awful task of speaking to her heavily pregnant mother. Strangely Colin and Audrey had been a God send this evening, despite her usual opinion. They'd remained by Grace's bedside the entire night so far, making sure she was at ease each time she woke up panicked whilst Connie was talking with her Doctor. She felt so on edge, her heart fluttering nervously with each passing moment.
"I think it'd be best if we sit down and discuss a few things." He paused, looking in at Grace's Grandparents keeping a watchful eye on her. "Sam's not here with you?"
"Hm? Oh, no, he's downstairs." She cleared her throat anxiously, forcing her attention away from her daughter and back to Dr Maison's serious face. Her left palm came up to rest on the back of her neck as she massaged it softly, whilst her right smoothed at her bump. He'd inadvertently told her it was bad news without necessarily even saying so. "I'll give him another call in a minute."
"Right, but like I said, we need to have this discussion sooner rather than later." The look he gave her honestly sent a cool chill down her spine.
"Come on, don't dance around the topic." She hissed as calmly as she could but he could see her emotions were getting the better of her, understandably. "You think I don't know this isn't good?" Her question was rhetorical, which became even more evident when she quickly sighed and fixed her longing gaze back on her child laying in the large hospital bed. "Just come out with it, please. I can't be doing with the waiting around and not knowing anymore." Her words had started off with volume but slowly turned to such soft whispers he almost couldn't hear her.
"I think it'd be best if Sam was here-"
"Yes, well he's not, is he?" She snapped suddenly, causing Dr Maison to become startled. "He's had countless opportunities to answer his phone and be here but he hasn't, so we'll just go on without him." She was about to continue on with her brewing rage but before she could even taken another breath, his face dropped as he moved quickly to Grace's door and dived into action. It was so fast and so sudden yet it all seemed to happen in slow motion as Connie watched from the corridor. She was frozen to the spot, her eyes welling up so much that the tears just seemed to roll over her lower lids with an eerie ease. Colin and Audrey had jumped out of the way immediately as a nurse entered to assist, hot on Dr Maison's tail. Grace was fitting and quite violently too. That sight alone was never going to leave her.
Those few terrifying minutes seemed to last a lifetime in Connie's shoes but Dr Maison was quick to act and had her stabilised once more. He offered Audrey a reassuring arm pat before turning back to Connie, she'd somehow managed to muster the strength to move into the room and was stood close to Grace's bedside.
"I appreciate how hard this must be for you, but I'd really like to discuss Grace's options as soon as we can." He glanced from Connie to Sam's parents supportively. "Are you happy for me to do so here and now?"
"Please, I just want to do whatever needs to be done to help her." She sniffled before attempting to pull herself together. Taking a deep breath, and turning to face him she ran the palm of her hand over her bump again, massaging the same spot repeatedly.
"The way things are right now, I'm not sure how much longer we're going to be able to keep her stable for. She's declining quite rapidly, but I don't need to tell you that, do I?" He spoke honestly but gently, making sure not to insult Connie's intelligence by sugarcoating the situation in any way shape or form.
"So what are you saying? Another round of chemo?" She jumped in quickly, knowing exactly where this conversation was headed. She just hoped to God she was wrong and was doing anything she could to try and deflect it.
"No, you know that's redundant now." He tensed his jaw, his skin tingling with the feeling of Sam's parent staring at him cluelessly. But he knew that Connie knew. He rested his arm gently on her forearm. "I honestly wouldn't be pushing for this if I felt it wasn't going to be worth it."
"Pushing for what? What are you planning to do?" Audrey couldn't contain her worries any longer, this riddled talk before her was only causing more confusion. Colin quickly enveloped her sweetly. The silence remained the main occupant of the room as Connie's defeated gaze finally met Dr Maison's eyes, she seemed to search his face for an alternative answer but his sympathetic half smile partnered with a soft blink only confirmed her fears. Clearing her throat before licking her lips softly she moved her focus to Audrey's tensed up frame.
"He wants to induce me and force the labour to start unnaturally." Her voice cracked emotionally.
"Oh my God." She gasped a sorrow filled breath that seemed to echo around the tiny room. Even Colin looked stunned by the suggested course of action. "No, surely there must be something else you can do?"
"I'm afraid we're at the end of the road in terms of treatments, this saviour sibling is needed now. As for forcing the labour to start, it's more of a small push to get things started." He gave Connie a look, having noted her use of aggressive words to describe the process.
"But she's only eight months gone, how will that affect the baby?" Her voice was shrill with panic, causing Connie to further recoil with despondency.
"Statistically speaking, the baby being born prematurely will have a higher chance of survival than Grace does if we don't induce and get this stem cell transplant underway as soon as possible."
"They're not statistics though, are they? They're my children." Connie interjected, her words angry but her voice was full of hurt. "Where the hell is Sam?" Huffing in a pained and harassed manner she blinked slowly, attempting to process all of this information at once.
"I'll give him another call, maybe even go downstairs and look for him." Colin jumped at the opportunity to leave the room, he wasn't so great with controlling emotions and truth be told he was a little disgruntled with his son's current behaviour. Who has their phone switched off or allows it to die in this day and age? Especially with an extremely unwell daughter and a heavily pregnant partner at home? He shook his head as he left the room, his phone pressed to his ear as he was yet again greeted by Sam's voicemail. As soon as he'd disappeared, the room ran silent again until a familiar voice floated through the almost closed doors.
"I thought I saw you on your way up here." Charlie mumbled, clocking the Doctor's concerned face.
"Look, I'll give you a few moments to think through what you want to do-"
"Wait, hold on a minute." She laughed a humour-lacking chuckle. "A few moments? Just how soon are you planning on getting this underway?" Her voice had found it's volume again, her eyebrows pulling together worriedly.
"I don't mean to panic you or rush your decision but preferably in the next hour or so."
"Within the next hour?" She scoffed, more so out of an immense build-up of nerves finally spilling out of her body. "You're not serious?"
"I can assure you, Mrs Beauchamp, I don't take these situations lightly." He tensed his jaw again. "I'll give you a little while to think things over, if you could maybe get hold of Sam too. I think he needs to be here for you both right now." He dipped his head in Charlie's direction before ducking out of the room and allowing the silence to once again cascade over them harshly.
"I only caught the tail end of that but I think I can hazard a guess at what the situation is." He moved closer to Connie's dejected frame, she looked as though she was running on a tank of nervous energy. There was so much weighing on her shoulders and why was she here alone?"
"Where is Sam?" His innocent question invited both women to instantly look at him as though he had two heads. "What?" Flicking his gaze between them, he couldn't figure what was going on.
"Well, he's in the ED, isn't he? He's probably got held up, you know how this job is?" Audrey chimed in, already sensing there was about to be an explosive eruption and despite her son more than likely being in the wrong, she couldn't help but want to defend him. After all, that's what mother's do, isn't it?
"No." Charlie breathed lightly, looking from Audrey back to Connie's tired face. "No, I'd hate to cause any upset here but he left the Emergency Department hours ago."