CHAPTER 29: FIRST WEEK OF SCHOOL
On Thursday, Myles had History of Magic second period in classroom 4F, along with his Gryffindor friends from the train and his own House. He could see the smug looks of his housemates. He wondered why—after all, the information he gave them on Monday was trivial.
The students were arranged in semicircular wooden benches facing the front of the classroom. It reminded Myles of a theater, which he found quite fitting. Sitting to his righthand side was Theodore. Pansy sat with a couple of other girls diagonally ahead of them, and Draco sat with his posse—Crabbe and Goyle—ahead of them. Blaise, the tall and well-kept boy who asked about the password the previous night, sat some distance from Theodore and Myles in their row. The Gryffindors were sitting on the right side of the room. The first years shared this class with their second year housemates.
Professor Fowl folded his hands behind his back, standing center stage. His dark blue eye emanated a shadowy glow, while his hazel eye carried a strangely unsettling twinkle.
"Welcome to History of Magic," Artemis addressed the students, whilst Cat climbed onto his desk and sat with an air of authority as the teacher's animal. "I trust we will all find this year fascinating, but first I would like to see where we currently stand knowledge-wise. Can someone please tell me about the Soap Blizzard of thirteen seventy—?"
"I will, Professor!" Draco Malfoy's hand shot up before the teacher even completed his statement.
"I appreciate your enthusiasm, Mr. Malfoy," Artemis graciously stepped aside, where Cat was able to move within head-scratching distance. "Please, come up and tell us what you know. Do not feel pressured." There was no telling how high—or low—the professor's expectations were. Facing his fellow students, Malfoy cleared his throat, settled into a comfortable standing position, opened his mouth, and…
The Slytherin students all smiled like they had a plan. Myles knew that self-satisfied look all too well: they believed whatever scheme they had was perfectly in motion. Unfortunately for them, Myles immediately guessed what they were counting on, and he knew the same plan failed before he and Beck could even ride bicycles.
"The Soap Blizzard took place in 1954," Malfoy started confidently, "and it was called the soap blizzard because people bought up all their soap in a panic when they heard it was coming. As it turned out, the blizzard was just a light snow and every smart wizard sold their soap to stupid Muggles on the black market as good luck charms," A smirking Draco sauntered back to his seat amidst triumphant snickers from his fellow Slytherins. Apparently, they inferred the test of prior knowledge meant he would start the lesson easier if they were ignorant of the subject and more challenging if they were already informed.
Artemis frowned in clear annoyance but kept his composure. "I see you did not read the first chapter of your book, Mr. Malfoy. That summary was completely inaccurate. Beyond that, well done. Perhaps another student can enlighten us?"
Hermione's hand shot up like a rocket. Myles—who was used to Artemis's tricks—raised his hand, as well. This was his brother's standard tutoring trick since he and Beckett were seven: test their knowledge and seriousness about the subject first, then use it to determine his course of action. Artemis inclined his head towards Hermione.
"Miss Granger," he called on her. He knew Myles understood what was happening, so it was only fair to call on her for this initial trial, instead.
"The Soap Blizzard of 1378 was a massive blizzard of soapy bubbles, which—although rather comical when you think about it—influenced a panic in the stock market, as well as a variety of other factors which led to a severe economic crash during the late 14th century," Hermione did not hesitate or stumble at all throughout her brief overview, and Artemis nodded approvingly. Indeed, even Myles was impressed at how spot-on that summary was.
"Thank you very much, Miss Granger. You have just earned Gryffindor five points for being so well-prepared on our first day. Did everyone else hear what she said?" A few students nodded, but the others just looked as apathetic as before. Malfoy was scowling. "If not, you will have plenty of time to study before your quiz next week. I want you all to know that much and more." The air filled with the groans of upset students.
"Thanks a lot, Granger," Malfoy muttered. "You made him set the bar way too high."
"I heard that remark, Mr. Malfoy," Artemis said, "and indeed, you all ought to thank Miss Granger," he motioned gallantly to her. "If she had not raised her hand, I would have given the quiz without warning to teach you a hard lesson on thinking ahead. You could say she saved many of you from failing this chapter." Hermione beamed at the praise and prepared her quill for taking notes. The lesson continued. Once they covered the facts of the Soap Blizzard, Artemis kept asking questions and beginning discussions to get everyone involved on a deeper level. He did not remove points from Slytherin or any of the houses. Instead, he told everyone he was adding a new question to the quiz for every case of misconduct; meanwhile, showing initiative earned small bonuses like a few House points. By the end of the session, names, dates, and trivia became subjects of interest.
Cat sat upon his desk, watching everyone with an air of superiority. If someone stopped paying attention, she meowed in reprobation.
"Professor Fowl," a second-year Gryffindor girl raised her hand, "what kind of soap was it that made all those bubbles?"
"Was it scented?" a Slytherin girl wondered.
"I hope not," a Gryffindor first year—Neville Longbottom—gave his two quid. "My gran uses lavender scented soap, and it always makes me sneeze."
"The soap in question was not any single scent, but it was all manufactured by the same brand," Fowl answered knowingly. "Their product line contained unscented, honey, and peppermint bars."
"It must've been a lousy brand," Draco Malfoy commented. "My father would sue if our soap caused our stocks to tank."
"I would, as well," the professor agreed, "but soap itself was a relatively new concept back then. Part of the problem resulted from magical enhancement of the suds. Can anyone estimate why?"
"Oh!" Pansy Parkinson raised her hand. "Is it because everyone liked the bubbles?"
"Actually, that is very likely. You see, the common belief was that a high number of bubbles meant the soap was more effective. To this day, many people buy into this myth."
"Professor Fowl," Hermione raised her hand urgently, "why did the economic bubble burst after the blizzard?"
"Excellent question, Miss Granger," Fowl acknowledged her query. "Does anyone have an idea?"
"I do," this time, Myles jumped into the discussion. "I would imagine businesses briefly slowed down, and the roads must have been too slippery for transportation; furthermore, the soap industry may have suffered, affecting stakeholders investing in it."
"Exceptional analysis, Mister Fowl. Stock values plummeted for soap companies, which had drawn a lot of investors as 'the gold of the future' up to that point. The ripple effects of a negative public opinion on soap may also have had unforeseen consequences for other businesses."
"Everyone must have smelled right awful," Ron wrinkled his nose.
"Good observation, Mr. Weasley! It took weeks for people to move past their fears and purchase soap again, but once they did, regular commerce went rapidly back on the rise."
"Wait," a second year Slytherin boy furrowed his brow, "so you're saying the economy collapsed because everyone smelled?"
"I merely gave you the facts," the professor smiled, "and you drew your own logical conclusions. History is more than dates and names. History is the life of those who came before us, and it is constantly being built upon. History was made by human beings, and it is riddled with examples of human nature, for matters great and small. We can never know the motives of every person involved, but we can put ourselves in their shoes and understand to the best of our ability. With that…" he held up his wrist, pointing to the golden watch strapped to it, "class dismissed!"
The students began chatting among their friends as they gathered their materials and exited the classroom.
"I know this was supposed to be review for us," a second year Gryffindor discussed with her Slytherin friend, "but I had no idea the Soap Blizzard was that important."
"Professor Fowl's a way better teacher than Binns," her friend nodded eagerly. "Better-looking, too."
"Myles!" Hermione waited for him to reach her from the other side of the room, and they walked together. "Is that really your brother? Of course he is, you look just like him—except for that hazel eye, naturally. He's already the best teacher I've had yet!"
"He's the only teacher I had before Hogwarts," Myles straightened his back proudly. "Beck 'n' I never appreciated him that much, but that's changed now." There was nothing wrong with his other classes, per se, but there was something refreshing about his brother's dynamic style, and it reminded him of home.
"Really? You are so lucky. I never saw a whole class get excited like that."
"Artemis always said school was boring," Myles reflected, "but maybe having such a poor experience helped him be a better educator."
"I always liked school," Hermione confessed, "at least, I always liked learning new things, and the teachers were usually nice. Oh, we've already reached the Great Hall." Indeed, they managed to reach the wide double doors and were now looking at the four House's tables, mostly full now. "I guess studying a map of the school all night paid off."
"I hope Beck managed to find his way around—memory isn't usually his strongsuit." Myles only had to read the map on Slytherin's noticeboard once so he could pull up a mental image of it if needed, but he suspected his twin might not have had the patience to look at a map all night like Hermione did.
"Anyways, see you in class," Hermione waved goodbye to her new friend. "Gryffindor and Slytherin have a lot of classes together—maybe that's why they're such rivals."
"See you in class," Myles waved back. With that, Hermione walked off towards the Gryffindor table. Looking at it, Myles noticed with some concern Ron and Harry were not there. They left before us, he recalled, so how could they not be here before us, too? Maybe they got lost…Concerned, the boy genius swept his eyes over the Hufflepuff table. Where's Beck?
I should've asked a housemate for directions, Beckett lamented as he wandered the halls. How do I get to the Great Hall from here? He was able to follow his classmates for most of that week, but he got sidetracked dancing with a painting inhabited by children in a field. None of the moving paintings were any use in telling him where to go, and the suits of armor simply wouldn't budge when he asked them to lead the way. If Myles was here, he'd just remember a map or something. Was there a map he could use? He didn't pay attention to that.
"Beckett?" Harry emerged from around a corner with Ron next to him.
"Harry? Ron?" The three all smiled. "Do you guys know the way to the Great Hall from here?" Just like that, the smiles were gone.
"We were hoping you'd know," Ron told him. They stood in silence for a moment. "Well, what do we do?"
"I came from that staircase behind me," Beckett motioned with his thumb back to the direction he came from.
"…I think your staircase moved." Harry pointed out.
D'Arvit, Beckett swore mentally. "I forgot they could do that," he sighed. A blonde curl fell onto his forehead. "Maybe we can find Mrs. Norris or the groundskeeper?"
"No," Harry and Ron said in unison.
"Well, we can't just stand around here," the blonde looked around. They couldn't go back the way he came, and they couldn't go where his friends came from. That left…absolutely no viable direction.
"Beck? Harry? Ron?" The trio checked around the corridor in search of the welcome new voice, hope alive in their eyes once again. "Where could you be? Beck, Harry, Ron?" A door which looked like it was barred shut swung open from the inside. Inside the frame was Myles Fowl! "There you are!"
"Myles!" Beckett ran over to his twin and glomped him. "You came to save us!"
"Do you know how to reach the Great Hall?" Harry asked hopefully.
"The Great Hall and everywhere else," Myles answered matter-of-factly. "I can show you where to find a map later. Right now, I'm hungry." He led them down a set of narrow, rickety stairs to the ground floor, then showed them through a passageway letting our into the main corridor. From there, it was easy to spot the Great Hall, where they first began their lives as students.
"Thanks, Myles," Ron and Harry clapped him on the shoulders and hurried to the Gryffindor table to chow down.
"What would I do without you?" Beckett smiled fondly at him.
"Apparently, you'd miss lunch," the genius laughed as his brother made the final voyage to a table where smiling Hufflepuffs made room for him. To Myles, the new routine was already beginning to feel normal. He woke up every morning and ate breakfast with his housemates—the older ones were easier to warm up to than his peers—and said hi to Beckett before heading to classes with his Gryffindor friends. He discovered a secret passage or two, which he intended to explore during free periods. Some Ravenclaws who heard about him from Beckett invited him to a study group on Saturdays, and he decided to consider it.
The next day was Friday, and the only class Myles had to attend was double Potions in the morning with Professor Severus Snape. He wondered how Beckett fared in that class—the plan they had to tutor each other backfired when they were sorted into different Houses.
"Snape is our head of House," Draco remarked to the other first years. Pansy sat next to him, with Crabbe on the other side and Goyle opposite them. Myles sat with Theodore and Blaise today, so in a way he was modestly connected with the conversation. "I hear that's why he favors us. Of course, I will be his favorite anyway—my father says I have a natural talent for potions. Just watch me put Potter to shame." He snickered, "The famous Harry Potter is all talk. I could tell just by looking at him."
"Those funny-looking glasses can't hid that dumb look he always has," Pansy giggled between bites of her muffin. "And don't even get me started on that gangly redhead he's always with. What's his name, again?"
"Ronald Weasley," Draco said, "but of course, our own Myles already knew that. Didn't you, Myles?"
"Why do you always hang out with them," Pansy pouted. "We always miss you ever so much!"
"What she means," Draco shot her a look, "is we wouldn't mind having someone like you around. You're wasting your talents with the likes of those blood traitors."
"If I am so talented as you think, which I am, then I can splurge a bit." Myles knew what a blood traitor was—Malfoy and his entourage used the term often enough—but he couldn't care less about blood purity. His own mother was a Muggle, for heaven's sake! Of course, he could not reveal that while his father remained suspicious of Death Eaters prowling around. Instead of starting an altercation, the half-blood settled for grabbing another treacle tart. He thought of his twin as he bit into it.
"If you keep that up, Myles," apparently, Draco thought they were on first name terms or was trying to sway him by showing familiarity, "you'll end up like them: losers with no self-respect."
"I've seen you during classes," Theodore decided to chime in. "Charms, Transfiguration, Astronomy…you excel in everything. Surely, keeping the right company is all you need work on to be a success."
"Let's see…" Myles pretended to humor them, "so far, I've kept company with The Boy Who Lived, my own twin, the brother of a Gryffindor prefect, and my only rival to reaching the top of our class. I would say those are fair connections." He knew they just wanted him to ditch his group and join their fold, but he found their views unpleasant, and the only vaguely useful one of the lot was Draco. Even in the Malfoys' case, it was still unclear if such a connection was safe, let alone desirable. Myles resolved to keep his more pleasant friends and let Malfoy come or go as he wished.
This did get him thinking, though, of how much potential his chosen group had. Harry was a bit shy, but there was no telling how much power hid behind his scar. The Weasleys, Myles found out, were actually kind of excellent: their father worked for the Ministry, and Ron's older brothers showed a tendency towards success. As for Hermione, she was academically exceptional and caught onto new skills faster than any pureblood. By the time Myles finished his eggs and sipped the last of his espresso (obtained through Beckett's request to a house elf), he was convinced every one of them was destined for greatness.
Look out, wizarding world, he thought with satisfaction. A cloud of flapping wings heralded the arrival of mail owls, just like every day. Mr. Hooty was delivering for both him and Beckett, but the large owl didn't seem to mind. As a matter of fact, the owner could have sworn he enjoyed the task.
"Well done, Mr. Hooty," Myles scratched his neck appreciatively when Mr. Hooty lowered it within comfortable petting range. "Thank you." He took the letter addressed to him from the owl's beak and read it.
Dear Myles,
You must have good observational skills, finding three secret passageways in such a short time! It took me and Lucius at least a month before noticing our first one. As a matter of fact, I had a secret little competition going with James Potter over those:
He and his friends beat me to locating EVERY SECRET PASSAGE in Hogwarts castle! I scoured the castle and couldn't find a single one they missed! I suggest you make a top-secret map for yourself and your brother—it could come in handy someday.
Your mother misses you terribly, so make sure you keep writing frequently. Also, make sure Artemis knows how proud we are of him. We have had nothing but good news about him, from you and others.
Love,
Dad
"I'll write a response later," Myles folded the letter again and stashed it in his robes. "Off you go, Mr. Hooty." The owl flew over to the Hufflepuff table, where Myles could just see the top of Beckett's curly blonde head as the boy exchanged the remaining letter for a piece of bacon. So that's why Mr. Hooty likes this job so much.
"Thanks, Hootsy," Beckett rewarded his brother's owl.
"That's Mr. Hooty to you, Beckett," Hannah laughed and fixed her blonde hair after the owl nibbled it in greeting. "The man deserves respect!"
"Haha, Abbot," he focused on opening the letter. The writing was his mother's this time.
My dear Becky,
I'm so glad you made so many friends already! Your father was a little surprised when he heard you were in Hufflepuff, since families usually get sorted together, but he says it's definitely a great House for you. From your letters, it must be fantastic!
We're also proud of how well you seem to be doing in your classes! You always were brighter than you realized, sweetheart. Speaking of classes, tell Arty how proud we are of him, too.
It seems like sending you to Hogwarts really was the right choice, after all. Please keep writing to us often, okay?
Love,
Mom
"I can't just respond to that between nibbles," Beckett put the letter away smiling. "Mission accomplished for now, Hootsberg," he tossed a bit of sausage into the air, and Mr. Hooty caught it before preening his feathers happily and soaring out of the banquet hall. Only after the owls all left did Seraphina the toad peek her head out of his pocket. "Ready for classes, girl?"
"Croak," she responded. Whipping out her tongue, she snatched a couple of crumbs from her master's plate before retreating back into the secret pocket a mischievous third-year housemate sewed into his robes.
CHAPTER TITLE: First [week] of school! First [week] of school! I do not own Finding Nemo.
CLASS SCHEDULES: Do you have any idea how wonky and vague Hogwarts' schedules are? Seriously, how hard is it to make a coherent timetable, Rowling? Anyway, I found a sort of timetable for History of Magic organized by year, day, and class hour (period for normies like me). For some reason, it says second years have it second on Thursdays with first years, in addition to Fridays? I just explained that as review of the first year's material with Fridays dedicated to the additional subjects. I also paired up Hogwarts Houses with each other for classes, as many classes in the book have Gryffindor with Slytherin and occasionally Hufflepuff. Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw have History of Magic on the same day as their peers, except in the first hour instead of the second. As for Astronomy, each House has that on a different night. Gryffindor first years canonically have it at midnight on Tuesday/Wednesday, so Slytherins have it Monday/Tuesday, Hufflepuffs have it Wednesday/Thursday, and Ravenclaws have it Thursday/Friday. Students apparently have Friday afternoons off (the first years, anyway), and Potions takes up two class hours. Thus, while Gryffindors and Slytherins have Potions Friday morning, Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff have it Thursday afternoon, with the Gryfferins' afternoon classes the next morning, instead.
DUPLICATE SESSIONS: So, Beckett has Potions on Thursday, while Myles has it the next day with the main HP characters. He already had History before his brother and friends, but I was not about to detail the same lesson twice when nothing noteworthy happened in Beckett's session. After all, what can really go down for now when his classmates are Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs? For now, Myles and the Golden Trio's lessons are far more interesting. Don't worry, though: as you can see, Beckett can get up to stuff outside class time.
PROFESSOR FOWL'S TEACHING STYLE: The way the twins' childhood tutoring sessions went down canonically, Artemis is ultimately a bit of a softie when teaching; however, he is also the last person on or under the Earth who would make his lessons too easy. This is not only logical according to the rest of his character, but also in keeping with the fact he taught toddlers French restaurant etiquette. I also remembered his personal experiences with school. He was every staff member's nightmare student. He looked down on his fellow students and his superiors alike. Guidance counselors feared him. While the better part of Fowl's derisive attitude is gone by the time of this story, he probably does not view the standards and methodology of typical teachers any more favorably. Instead of making anyone suffer the boredom and patronization he endured, he would likely strive to make his lessons engaging and free-flowing enough to ensure his students are free to unlock and utilize their full potential. Notice how he also unwittingly brought together the two Houses with the most intense rivalry by having them share their thoughts and discuss their questions. In the end, I suppose Artemis Fowl II turned out to be the modern ideal of what a teacher should be. His format also prevents the usual conundrum of one or two bookworms answering all the questions, as the way he teaches means everyone can easily participate and is incentivized to do so by his bonus system. Writing the student dialogue section of his lesson, I remembered a few courses I had taken in which the teachers were exceptional at encouraging student discussion.
SOAP BLIZZARD OF 1378: Yes, this is a canonical event included in the first year History of Magic curriculum. Hermione's summary was basically all I found out from the Internet about it, but the rest was fanmade detail about it.
MALFOY'S ABRIDGED VERSION: Lol, I only realized part of the way through what it reminded me of. Panic buying soap, eh? Sound familiar? XD XD XD
MISINTERPRETATION: Often, the teachers I have had decided to test students' knowledge prior to beginning the course. Based on the results, they would essentially meet the class at large where they were. Malfoy and his posse thought this was what Artemis was about to do, and so they wanted to set the bar as low as possible for an easy start to the year. Lol, they thought! Myles and Beckett tried that before, but obviously Artemis caught on. He knew some people might not know all about the topic, but what he wanted to gauge was their seriousness as students. If he found the whole class was lacking in that respect, he would have given them an experience sure to keep them on their toes from then on. Thankfully, Hermione proved at least someone (other than Myles) took the course seriously. When he heard Draco's comment about her, he stepped in to make sure everyone knew her bookworm attitude was a benefit instead of a detriment, thus revealing his game.
Wouldn't the pop quiz have been unfair to Myles? No, because Myles knew how his brother operated, and Artemis knew he'd be fine either way.
GETTING LOST: Ron and Harry didn't get the hang of navigating around Hogwarts until Friday of their first week. As a result, Thursday was just in time for Beckett to briefly get lost with them! Beckett was shown as a toddler as having a very short attention span. Obviously, that got tempered with age, but he can still be a little flighty sometimes. As a result, he never really took note of where he could find a map (I'm making it so the Common Rooms have maps on their noticeboards) and instead went with the flow…until there was no longer a flow to follow, haha.
SEARCH AND RESCUE: I was considering having either Cat or Mrs. Norris/Mr. Filch show them the right way, but I went with having Myles save them instead. It fit more organically, in my opinion.
ROUTINE: At this point, all the characters are getting comfortably settled into their new routines as students. Of all of the children, Myles is the one whose adjustment I detailed the way I did because he's the only one with less-than-pleasant peers. As a result, I think it warranted some explanation how he could get by in Slytherin with Malfoy, Parkinson, et al in such close proximity. Mainly, he gets along with the older Slytherin students, who have had a chance to chill out a bit and befriend students from other Houses and backgrounds.
SLYTHERIN CONVERSATION: Despite mentioning his inclination towards older students, I did not want to discard the first years from his narrative, due to their more important role in the canon of Harry Potter. Plus, I did not think it right to suddenly fling in a bunch of OCs at once or to ignore Myles's social life within his own House.
DESTINED FOR GREATNESS: As much as Draco tries to deride Myles's friends, he is not so easily fooled. Not only does he like them way better than Malfoy's crew, but he also realizes they're worth knowing even from a strategic standpoint. Instead of seeing them as pawns, though, Myles appreciates their potential as equals and is excited to see what they make of themselves. This, in my view, is a crucial development in his character, as it distinctly shows him branching away from his family's history of using people for personal gain despite acknowledging the potential. This difference between him and, say, eleven-year-old Artemis, would not have shown up in Beckett because Beckett does not have that same calculating streak or lofty ambitions. Thus, Myles is the one who has to see their potential and not exploit them for it in order to show the Fowls really have significantly, lastingly evolved as a family.
HUFFLEPUFF DYNAMICS: While Myles is dealing with his blood purist colleagues, Beckett gets a secret pocket for his toad XD Of course, all Hufflepuffs can't be sweet cinnamon buns…but most people who value loyalty and friendship tend to be friendly themselves, and that is how Rowling characterized them…to the point I can't find a single Hufflepuff to seriously put at odds with anyone yet! Couldn't there be some attention-hungry or even envious person in that House? Gryffindor got Pettigrew, after all! Oh, well. It's admittedly super fun showing what a pleasant time Beck is having while Myles is delicately tangoing with the school bullies XD
MAIL FROM THE PARENTS: Angeline and Artemis Senior are dividing and conquering writing to each of the twins, like the team they are, haha.
"FROM YOU AND FROM OTHERS": Word spreads quickly among students, and occasionally the staff hears some of that chatter, too. Maybe Hagrid, maybe Dumbledore, heck—maybe even Lucius, since Draco also got caught up in the enthusiasm of the first lesson by the end of it. Somebody told the newly returned Mr. Fowl what a hit his son is as a professor, but who or how many is not necessarily important at the moment.
MAPS: Yes, the Marauder's Map was partially the result of a competition between Artemis Senior and the Marauders XD Now he's suggested Myles create a secret map of Hogwarts for himself, which I find a lowkey beautiful case of 1. Continuing a legacy and 2. Dramatic irony (in which the readers know something the characters do not). Does Senior know about the Marauder's Map? Well…he knows they mapped out the same secret passageways he did (how else would they prove their victory) but I doubt he knows its other qualities, such as showing everyone's locations at any given moment or the password to make it appear. He also made his own map of secret passages, so he had no reason to try to steal it.
OWNERSHIP OF THE FRANCHISES: I do not have it over Harry Potter or Artemis Fowl.