Song is "Survivor" by Destiny's child. I do not own that or Glee!
Kurt stayed in Harding for 2 ½ weeks, coming home the last week of January and feeling a whole lot better. The EMDR was working wonderfully. Though he had a lot of work to do, he felt confident that he could return to school without risking a flashback or even a panic attack. Herzing and Riser were both sentenced for the maximum sentence for a juvenile and were behind bars for 6 years, until they were 21. While Kurt was only too aware that Matt Daniels and the fourth attacker were still free, he knew there was nothing he could do about that and tried not to focus on it.
Lucy had come for two more therapy sessions with Kurt. They talked about Kurt's story the first session, so they focused on Lucy's the second (which was not quite as long as Kurt's), along with how to move forward from here in a new brother/sister relationship. Kurt and Lucy both agreed that they didn't want to publicize their relationship yet. Kurt would have been alright with it, but Lucy wasn't ready for any of the glee kids or anyone else to know that Quinn—head cheerleader and most popular girl in school turned pregnant foster kid—was really Lucy, Kurt's long-lost twin sister, and Kurt fully understood. As far as the public was concerned, Quinn would continue to just be the Hummel's foster daughter. Nobody even knew Quinn was adopted. She just wasn't ready for even more of her world to flip upside down.
Lucy had warned Kurt about school. She and Finn had, apparently, been dodging Mercedes and Tina all week, who didn't believe that Kurt had pneumonia. Kurt had to prepare himself to answer their questions as vaguely as possible when he arrived back at school the following Monday. Brittany, on the other hand, knew exactly where Kurt was. He wanted to talk to Lucy about telling her. He may not have told her everything about his past, but she always knew everything about his present and he didn't like keeping this from her. He also knew that, naïve as Brittany was, his secrets were always safe with her.
As part of his treatment in the immediate future, Kurt was leaving the hospital but would be back three times a week for therapy. He would attend Wednesday outpatient teen group therapy, and have his individual sessions twice a week, occasionally bringing Lucy if they both wanted it. Kurt felt more himself then he had in a long time. He was eternally grateful he had made the decision to have inpatient treatment.
Kurt arrived home on Friday, and spent the weekend hanging out with Finn and Lucy. The three had a Disney marathon, and singing competitions (which they forced Burt and Carole to judge). They baked, which Finn only grudgingly joined in on but had a good time. Lucy watched Finn and Kurt kick a soccer ball around in the back yard, while she swung with Emily on the swing set. Mostly, they just enjoyed being 15-year-old kids. All three had had to face some all-too-adult circumstances in the recent past, and needed some time to just be.
On Sunday night, Lucy had gone to bed early and Kurt was in his room doing his moisturizing routine when he heard a knock on his door. At his beckon, Finn entered and sat on his bed.
"I'm glad you're home, bro," he said with a grin. "I've missed you."
Kurt smiled. "You and Quinn seem to be more buddy-buddy then before I left," he commented. "You make up?"
"Yeah," Finn agreed. "You know…I've had it pretty easy. I see everything you've overcome, and how strong you are. I forget not everyone is that strong. Quinn…I was really mad at her, and I still think it was OK that I was so mad, but then… You know, she told me a lot about what her parents did to her, and then I talked a lot about it to dad. And I guess I understand why she did what she did, even if it was wrong. She said she was sorry, and I believe her. She's my sister now. I guess I just realized I couldn't go on being mad at her. I've made a lot of mistakes, too. Like when I helped the guys throw you in the dumpster. That was so wrong, a huge mistake, and it didn't take any time at all for you to forgive me," Finn rambled.
"Finn, I know you didn't mean…." Kurt started, but Finn cut him off.
"No, that's my point, Kurt. I didn't mean to hurt you, but I put my own reputation ahead of you and did something I'm not proud of. And you forgave me. Quinn basically did the same thing; except I think she had a better reason then I did. She was trying to make a good decision for her baby.
"You really are a stand-up guy, Finn," Kurt commended. "So…how bad is it gonna be tomorrow? Did anyone see what happened in Spencerville? Have Mercedes and Tina said anything?"
"I may have threatened them," Finn smirked. "No, I don't think they said anything. But they definitely don't believe that you have pneumonia. They've been hounding us all week. Nobody's mentioned Spencerville, I think you're in the clear."
Kurt breathed a sigh of relief. He was extremely happy the meltdown hadn't happened in the Lima mall, where kids at school were bound to see. He would deal with Mercedes and Tina.
XXX
The three teenagers arrived at school together Monday morning, and a squealing Brittany met them out front, pulling Kurt into a bone-crushing hug.
"Are you OK?" she asked Kurt sincerely. "Finn said you decided to stay at the hospital."
"I'm much better, Britt," he promised. "It helped a lot, and I'm feeling much more like myself."
Kurt arrived in Glee first that morning, followed by Quinn who took a seat next to him. Mercedes sat on Kurt's other side.
"Where have you been, white boy?" she demanded. "And don't tell me you've had pneumonia!"
"Leave him alone, Mercedes," Quinn quickly interjected. "It's none of your business."
"Don't tell me nothing's up, Kurt! You lost it…" she looked around, the room was still empty except for the three of them, but she whispered anyway. "You lost it at the mall, then I don't see you for a month and they said you had pneumonia. I don't buy it. I thought we were friends, Kurt. You can trust me," she pleaded.
"Look, Mercedes," Kurt began, "I was in the hospital. I was sick, but now I'm better. That's the honest truth, I promise. You aren't going to tell anyone about the mall, are you?" he asked, softly.
"Of course not. Even if you insist on lying to me, I wouldn't do that to you," she sounded offended. Kurt felt bad. He always took Mercedes to be a blabber mouth, but she hadn't told anyone about the mall incident, and he felt like he did owe her an explanation if he valued her friendship.
"OK, look. There are things I don't talk about. To anyone. Things that are related to what happened at the mall. Sometimes things are hard for me; I had to go away to get better. And I am now. That's all I'm going to tell you, so please just let it go, OK? I do value our friendship and maybe eventually I'll be comfortable sharing more but right now, I need you to respect that this is all I'm comfortable with, OK?
Mercedes was silent for a moment before nodding. "OK, then. I'll drop it. And I still won't say anything," she winked. More kids started filing in, so the subject was dropped.
The rest of the day went well. Brittany informed Kurt that Coach Sue wanted to add vocals to her Cheerios routines; Kurt and Mercedes were immediately interested. Kurt missed actually preforming. He loved Glee, but definitely felt like he was always more of a background participant.
XXX
Quinn was getting annoyed. She kept trying to give Puck chances to show he could be a good dad. The day of the hearing he came over to babysit Emily with her and he was so sweet with her and the toddler. They had a good conversation about their baby. He agreed that maybe adoption was a good decision, and promised to be there for her no matter what and support her through the pregnancy. Well, nearly a month had passed and for the last several weeks he had been acting like she didn't exist. He was all over the other girls in Glee. Mercedes, Santana and Rachel were all targets of his infatuations. But her, the girl he got pregnant? No, he just called her fat and told her he wasn't that into her. He came over often in the beginning, but that hadn't happened in weeks. She wondered if he was doing it on purpose because she was thinking about adoption. There were times when she thought he would be a decent father and times when she knew she would be in it all alone. Sure, he'd swing by when he felt like it. He'd be the "fun dad" who showed up when it was convenient to him to take her out for ice cream and spoil her rotten, then drop her back off with her mom who did the day-in and day-out parenting until the next time he decided to show up. Puck couldn't commit, and she wasn't sure why she should take his feelings into consideration at all.
He was impossible to read and it was extremely frustrating. He didn't ask how she was feeling, help her carry things, or lift heavy objects; that was all Finn. When she was having a hard time keeping up with dance in Glee, Finn made sure she sat down. She felt like Finn was keeping a constant eye on her, watching for any sign of fatigue. And that right there…that was the reason she chose Finn to be her baby's father. That was the reason she lied. He was so sweet, thoughtful and kind. Quinn was glad she had a reason to spend time with him. She truly didn't love him as any more than a brother anymore, but he was an extremely sweet brother.
After Kurt was admitted to Harding, she and Finn had a heart to heart. Quinn told him more about why she did what she did, and more about her childhood as a Fabray. And he forgave her. After that things went from amicable to friendly and genuine and he immediately stepped into the role of big brother. Sometimes he would get a little too overprotective, but if she were honest with herself, she loved having him stick up for her. The two got close while Kurt was away. Quinn had been grounded for a chunk of the time, and Finn took it upon himself to make sure she wasn't bored.
In mid-February, Burt and Carole called Quinn up to their room where they could talk out of earshot of the boys. They knew this would be a sensitive topic, and they wanted to give her the privacy to break down if she needed.
"We talked to your case manager yesterday," Carole began when they were all seated. "I know you've known for a while that your situation is permanent. But it sounds like now your parents have decided to terminate their parental rights." She took Quinn's hand.
Quinn was silent. No. This wasn't news to her. She'd known for a long time that her parents weren't going to take her back, and now she wouldn't want to go back. She had her brother, she had parents who cared about her as more than just a possession, she had a bonus brother and sister. She had been happier in the two months with them than she had been in the 10 years with her adoptive family. She was at home here. She hated that she was so sad about it, but this truly proved that the last 10 years had been a lie. She knew she still had parents, but she also knew that she was once again an orphan. She had hoped that, in their heart of hearts, her adoptive parents still loved her. That they did consider her a daughter. This proved otherwise.
"Honey," Carole pulled her close and Quinn lay her head on her foster mother's shoulder. "You're not alone. You know that, right? We talked to Rebecca about how quickly we can adopt you, and if you are ready for this and it's something that you want, it can be completed fairly quickly. She just needs time to petition the courts, file the paperwork, and get their rights terminated. I never want you to feel alone, you will always have a home here. If this is something you want, it's something we want."
Quinn remained silent. She did know that. It should have made her feel better, but her emotions were extremely mixed at that moment. "I'd like to go think in my room," she said, dismissing herself.
Carole went to check on Quinn 20 minutes later and found the girl crying into her pillow. She sat on the bed next to Quinn, and Quinn moved into Carole's arms who wrapped her in an embrace, and Quinn allowed herself to fall apart. They didn't talk any more that night. Quinn couldn't bring herself to talk, but she clung to Carole's side for a long, long time.
Quinn spent most of the night thinking. She did want to be adopted. She knew she wasn't alone. She and her therapist had spent a lot of time on the topic of her adoptive parents, and Quinn knew that it wasn't her fault. That their expectations of her were all about them, not her. They weren't real parents. Real parents loved their kids no matter what, unconditionally. Jacob and Lilly were her real parents. Burt and Carole were her real parents.
The assignment that week was to sing a song that described who they are right now. Quinn knew what song she had to sing. She put on her brave face, and went to the front of the room. She hadn't mentioned to Kurt or Finn what she intended on doing today and she still wasn't ready for the whole truth, but her friends been there for her when she had nobody else. Though it was an impulse decision and she may regret it later (it could backfire in a major way) she just felt like she had to do it.
"None of you know I was adopted when I was 5," she said. "All of you know I was a bitch. My parents adopted me so they could have the perfect family, without room for mistakes. When I was the most popular girl in school, captain of the Cheerios, president of the celibacy club, they always told me I wasn't good enough. I had to do better. When I got pregnant, they threw me out like yesterday's trash. So this song goes out to them."
She noticed the kids' shocked faces, the side-eye glances, Kurt's wide open, startled eyes.
"Now I let you out of my life, I'm so much better
You thought that I'd be weak without you, But I'm stronger…"
She had been terrified about what leaving her parents would mean. She had been upset that they just threw her away. But she didn't need them. She was better without them.
"I'm a survivor,
I'm not gon' give up…
Quinn had never felt this much passion, this much connection for a song she sang in glee; and it showed. Tears were running down her face as she continued. It felt amazing to let the words out, like she truly was saying goodbye to her old life. She had her life to live, and she had no room in it for the people that made her life hell.
As the song continued, she felt an arm around her shoulders and looked to find Kurt there, supporting her as the tears continued to fall. She leaned into him and they sang the next verse together.
And then Finn was there, holding her other hand, and she finished the song with the support of her two brothers.
She wasn't chained to them anymore. They were the darkness. She was happy now. She had a new family, parents who loved her. She didn't have to meet their expectations. For the first time in her memory, she could just be her.
As the song ended, Kurt and Finn enveloped her in a three-way hug. "You're so brave," Kurt whispered in her ear. A few seconds later, Brittany joined in the hug. It wasn't long before the entire glee club surrounded her.
"Thank you, Quinn," Mr. Schuester said as the group hug disband. "I think that was about as brave as a student can be in this group, and I'm glad you felt safe enough to share with us."
Quinn could tell Puck wanted to talk to her as they walked to lunch but she wasn't in the mood…not after the way he treated her over the last few weeks. She truly owed him nothing. She ignored him, caught up with Kurt and linked his arm. Finn walked on her other side.
"Was that OK?" she asked her brothers. "I know I didn't tell you. Burt and Carole told me last night that they were terminating their rights and I just…I was upset about it all night, but now I just want to say good riddance and move on and be adopted. That's what that song was about."
"You are a survivor, Quinn. You and Kurt…both of you are the bravest people I've ever met. I'm glad you're going to be my sister," Finn pulled her into an awkward walking side-hug.
Quinn was surprised none of the Glee kids judged her. At all. They all supported her, and apologized for judging her choices over the school year. Nobody seemed to think any differently about her knowing the truth…or at least the part of the truth she chose to divulge. Instead, they seemed to have a deeper understanding of who she was. That she didn't change because her pregnancy got her kicked off the Cheerios, but she changed because she no longer had to meet her parents' expectations of her. That this was the real Quinn.
XXX
"When can it happen?" she asked that night at dinner.
"What?" Carole asked, looking up from the plate where she was cutting up Emily's dinner.
"The adoption. When can it happen? Can it happen before the baby comes?"
"You want to be adopted?" Burt asked with a genuine smile.
"Yes. I was upset last night about Russ and Judy just getting rid of me like that, but I'm happier here than I ever was there. If you really want me, then yes, I never want to say goodbye," she responded.
"Rebecca said typically you would have to be living here for 6 months. But at 15, you have some rights as well. If this is something you want and the termination of rights is voluntary, she said it can be expedited. It'll take about 6 weeks to file the necessary paperwork, have Russ and Judy terminate their rights, and get the court date. It could happen as soon as the end of March or early April.
"It could happen before the baby comes," she said softly, placing her hand on her now quite large bump.
"It would be right around that time, yes, if we asked Rebecca to start working on it."
"Please talk to Rebecca. I want to be adopted before the baby comes." She gave her new parents a smile. Kurt leapt from his chair and wrapped his arms around her from behind.
That evening, Emily had been put to bed and the boys were doing what they always did in the evening before bed and hanging out in their room texting, listening to music, or whatever it was they did. Quinn, who had never had parents who wanted to spend time with her before, and who had always spent her time at home completely alone, preferred to spend the evenings in the living room with Burt and Carole. Sometimes she thought they'd tire of her being there, so she holed up in her room. Sometimes she went upstairs and hung out with Kurt in his room. But usually she watched TV with her parents, and they always welcomed and seemed to genuinely want her company. Carole often tried to talk the boys into joining them as well, and sometimes it worked, but usually they dismissed themselves. She commented more than once that she was glad she finally had a kid that enjoyed hanging out with them. So Quinn claimed the spot next to Burt on the couch and leaned into him. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder. Carole sat on her other side. Twenty minutes passed in pleasant conversation as they watched and commented on a baking show.
"If I kept her, what would it be like?" Quinn asked at the next commercial break.
"Well…." Carole paused. "It would be hard. I'm not going to lie to you and say this will be easy. It'll be the hardest thing you've ever done in your life. Television glorifies it, I'm afraid. She's going to be a lot more than some mini-me you get to dress up and show off, and I know you don't think that. Babies are a lot of work, a huge responsibility."
"You don't think I can do it?"
"No, I think you can. I just mean you would have to grow up very quickly. You will no longer be just a teenager. You'll be someone's mother. You'll be responsible for raising another human being, when you're just a child yourself. That's not something to take lightly."
"Where would she go when I'm in school? Or would I drop out? Do online school?"
"No, we wouldn't let you drop out. You would continue to go to school. Grandma Lorrie may watch her during the day like she does Emily, or she could go to daycare," responded Burt.
"Could I stay in Cheerios? Glee?"
"Glee is during the school day, so I don't see why you couldn't continue to do it. Cheerios is a big commitment, though. Especially when you have a child at home."
Quinn was silent for a long while. The baking show continued and they all stared in that direction, but none of them were really watching it.
"You know if you decide to keep her, we will help you in every way we can. We will help you pay for things, but we may ask you to get a job to pay for her care as well, we'd have to talk about that. We will watch her when you have things you need to get done. We will make sure you have some time to enjoy being a kid. We will make sure you're both taken care of. We love you, Quinn. You're our daughter, and she's our granddaughter, but she will be your daughter. You will be responsible for her primary care. You will be getting up at night with her, coming home after school to care for her. It will mean giving up a lot of time with your friends, activities you enjoy. And more than that. I'm not saying you won't be able to go to college. You're an extremely smart girl and I think you can do anything you put your mind to, but going to college with a 3-year-old won't be easy. And we will help you with that, too, if you stay home and go to a local school, but you won't have a normal college life. No wild parties, no living in the dorms. And it's possible that college just won't be feasible for you. You need to think about your own future, and hers. You need to consider what is best for both of you," Burt told his daughter gently. Quinn nodded.
"Sweetie, we know you love her. And we are not saying that adoption is the best option. I truly believe that you will be an amazing mother if you choose to parent. We just want you to think about what parenting will really mean," Carole said, taking Quinn's hand in both of hers.
Quinn remained silent, lost in thought. Burt and Carole seemed to recognize that she needed time to think and didn't say anything else. Quinn had talked with her therapist about this at length; it's been a huge struggle for her for a long time. Trying to separate in her mind her own attachment and adoption issues and what she knew in her heart was the right decision for her daughter. She talked to Kurt about it as well. He seemed sad that she was thinking about adoption, but understood and supported her decision. He didn't feel that adoption meant abandonment. He understood that it was a decision she was considering because she loved her baby and wanted to give her a good life.
At the same time, Quinn had grown up without any biological relations. Sure, she knew she her mother's cousin and father's brother were out there, but she hadn't seen them since she was very young. Aunt Lindsey had dumped them into the system the minute they became too inconvenient and her Uncle abused them both. She didn't consider them family. Kurt was her only blood relative, and she only just met him. The idea of sending her daughter off to a family who, though they would raise her and love her like their own, was not a blood relative and more importantly, was not her was excruciatingly painful. It was an issue she was trying to work through in therapy, but it was something she thought about and struggled with on a daily basis.
"And if I chose adoption..." she finally said. She didn't continue.
"It would allow you to be a kid. To go to college and do whatever you want with your life until you're ready to be a parent. But I'll never tell you it's the easier option. Because either way, whatever option you choose, it's going to be the hardest thing you've ever done. But we will have your back no matter what. We will be right here to support you and make sure you're OK."
Another long pause.
"I don't know what I want to do," she eventually replied. "But do you think you could call the adoption agency? I think I want to just talk to them."
"I can make an appointment if that's what you want," agreed Carole. "Have you talked to Puck about this?"
"A little. He said he would support adoption and he promised to support me no matter what, but for the past few weeks he's either been outright mean to me or ignored me completely."
A week later, Burt, Carole and Quinn went to the adoption agency. Quinn found out that she could choose the family, and she could meet with any number of them before deciding on one. She found out that she could have an open adoption and get to see her baby occasionally as she grew up. That adoption didn't mean just handing her over and never seeing her again. Quinn spent some time looking through some of the books of families hoping to adopt. Two of them stood out to her. One was a single mom, a music teacher. The other family was a nice looking couple, a teacher and an accountant. They both seemed very nice, and were unable to have children naturally. Both were willing to allow her to be a part of her baby's life as she grew up. Her baby would go directly to her forever family. She wouldn't bounce around in foster homes like she and Kurt did. She wouldn't go to a home that only did it for the money like the family that hurt Kurt. She would go to a home that longed for a child; one that would raise her and love her as their own.
The agency let her take both books home to look at, so she did. The social worker had given her a lot to think about. Was she ready to be a mom? No. But could she really just give up her baby? She truly wasn't sure.
I have an outline I'm excited about, but I have to get through first season first. The next few chapters are mostly written (and very Quinn/Lucy centric). I can't promise updates will always be fast, but for now they will at least be semi fast (letting me know what you think can help with that!). The pandemic is actually giving me a lot of time to write.
I am still hoping someone might agree to help me out :) I feel like I'll be able to do a better writing job if I have someone to bounce ideas off of.
Thank you to the guest who reviewed! I'm so glad you're enjoying the story! I hope to get more than one review for this one!