She woke up completely disoriented and feeling scared. Trying to open her eyes, she found it too much of a struggle, and decided to keep them closed for now. Just lying there, feeling and listening to her surroundings, she tried to find out where she was. Obviously, she was lying in a bed, feeling warm and comfortable. The smell was clean and vaguely familiar, and from the sounds and beeps all around her, she guessed she was in a hospital.
Hospital?
She tried to move, to check her body for injuries, but found she was too weak and tired for that, too. Feeling more than a little alarmed, she finally managed to pry her eyes open and was immensely relieved to find herself looking straight into the kindest pair of eyes, the handsome face they belonged to hovering closely above hers and smiling down at her warmly.
"Welcome back, love!"
She tried to sit up, but firm hands gently pressed her back down.
"Whoa! Easy there, love. No sitting up just yet. You're still weak, you need to keep lying down."
"Where…? What happened?" she croaked, looking around nervously, her throat dry and scratchy.
"Easy, I'm here."
His kind voice immediately soothed her again.
"Here, drink a little. Tiny sips, okay?"
She licked her dry lips, and he helped her drink water through a straw to ease the pain in her sore throat, his hand gently cradling the back of her head.
"You're in sickbay, love, you're safe, don't worry. I'm here, I'm taking care of you."
"Sickbay?" she asked, confused, releasing the straw and sinking back down into her pillow.
"You…" he hesitated a moment, "had a little accident."
She must have looked scared at that, because he reached out and tenderly cupped her face in his hand.
"You'll be fine, love. Don't worry, I'm here," he said again, smiling at her affectionately.
She closed her eyes for a moment, breathing deeply and enjoying the comforting touch.
"Thank you," she smiled weakly, then finally asked, "And you are…?"
He frowned.
"Not a good time for bad jokes, my dear, you've already got me worried enough," he growled, suddenly seeming angry, and she winced at the change of tone in his voice.
For a few moments he just stared at her, searching her face closely, and then his gaze softened again. Apparently recognising the genuine fear and confusion in her eyes, his brow furrowed, and he slowly took his hand off her face.
"Can you tell me your name?" he asked gently.
She opened her mouth to answer, but found that she didn't know.
He must have seen the alarm on her face, because he quickly said, "Jenny. Your name is Jenny."
It didn't ring any bells.
"You know me?" she asked.
"Very well," he smiled soothingly and sat down on the edge of the bed, running a scanner over her head. "Don't worry, I'll be taking good care of you. It'll all come back with time. There's no physical reason for you not to remember. We'll just wait for the shock to wear off."
So, he's a doctor.
Once again, he gently cupped her face with his hand, and, leaning into the soothing touch, she felt immediately safe and reassured. He was a very compassionate and caring doctor, that much was certain. And he knew who she was. Things couldn't be too bad then. Her instincts told her that she could trust him. She just hoped she could trust her instincts.
"You just rest now, and I'll be back in a minute with my instruments for a more thorough check-up, all right?"
"All right, Doctor," she smiled, almost reluctant to let him go, the warmth of his protective hand on her cheek just too pleasant.
"The name's Leonard McCoy, by the way," he offered, smiling back at her a little sadly, before leaving the room to go find his instruments.
-x-x-x-x-x-
As soon as the doors had swished shut behind him, McCoy slumped against the wall, his legs nearly failing to support him. He'd seen the fear in her eyes. She really had no idea who he was. But Hope would never play cruel pranks like that on him, anyway. Jim, maybe. But Hope, never. She was much too aware of his constant worrying and would never purposely scare him like that.
To think that I've come this close to kissing her when she opened her eyes, and she doesn't even know who I am!
He didn't actually have to get any instruments. Everything he needed was right there, next to Hope's bed. But he'd desperately needed to get out of the room, to get his act together again. If Hope had to deal with something as unsettling as amnesia, he couldn't let on how worried he was. Fretting and fussing, he was of no use to her. What she needed now was comfort and reassurance from a doctor who radiated calm confidence. He could do that.
"What's wrong, Doctor?" Chapel's concerned voice cut through his distress, and it was only then, that he realised he was shaking.
"Hope's just woken up," McCoy informed her, trying to pull himself together, "and she's got amnesia."
"Oh," the nurse said, looking at him appraisingly, "do you want me to go in and stay with her until you've…"
She left the sentence unfinished, obviously not quite sure what he needed to do before facing Hope again.
"She didn't recognise me, Christine," the doctor said quietly, not missing Chapel's compassionate gaze. "She has no idea where, or even who she is."
"Go, find somewhere to sit down, Leonard," the nurse replied softly, putting a hand on his arm and steering him gently towards his office. "I'll look after Hope and keep her company until you feel up to dealing with this."
"Thanks, Christine," McCoy tried a smile. "Let's hope it's just temporary. I just need a plan, think of the best questions to ask, before I head back in."
-x-x-x-x-x-
Re-entering Hope's room a few minutes later, a determined smile plastered on his face, McCoy almost lost his composure again, when he saw her looking so lost and tiny in her bed, anxiously following Chapel's every move, as the nurse busied herself checking her vitals and taking notes on her PADD.
So much for making her feel 'geborgen' when she wakes up, he thought miserably.
But seeing Hope's face light up at the sight of him, looking at him with trusting, hopeful eyes, exactly like the Jenny he knew would have, broke is heart even more. What he really wanted to do at this moment, was lie down next to her and just take her in his arms. Feel her familiar body safely ensconced in his embrace. But, of course, that was not an option.
Instead, as Chapel quietly left the room, he perched on the edge of her bed, and softly asked, "Ready for a few tests and some more questions?"
Hope nodded, understandably eager to find out more about herself and her situation, and instantly nestled into the touch of his hand, which had somehow found its way to her cheek again.
At least I know her well enough to do and say the right things to make her feel safe and cared for, he thought, trying to justify his touch by checking her eyes, and was proven right by the way she briefly closed her eyes afterwards, sighing softly, when his thumb started to caress her cheekbone.
"Do you remember anything at all?" the doctor probed gently, never ceasing the tender motions of his thumb on her cheek.
"I was studying with my friend in the park," she said, her forehead creased in concentration, as she tried to remember any details. "Oh my God! Sarah! What happened to Sarah?"
"She's okay. Shh, don't worry!" he quickly tried to reassure her, assuming that Sarah was the friend in question, and let his hand trail down to her shoulder, giving it a comforting squeeze.
McCoy phrased the next question carefully.
"What were you studying for?"
"Romulan idioms," Hope replied without hesitation, and McCoy breathed a mental sigh of relief. At least she remembered being in the 23rd century.
Hope suddenly touched a hand to her head, and the doctor quickly ran his tricorder over her.
"Headache?" he asked, searching her face and comparing what he saw there to the readings on the monitor above her bed and his tricorder.
"A little," she admitted, reaching for his hand, and McCoy's heart melted when he saw her unconsciously looking for the comfort she'd found in his touch earlier. "Please tell me what really happened, Doctor, and where exactly I am."
"Listen, Jenny," he said, worriedly watching her vitals as she grew increasingly agitated again. "I understand that not remembering is very unsettling. But you've only just woken up, and temporary amnesia is not uncommon in your situation. You have a lot of questions, and I'll be happy to tell you everything you need to know. But your body needs rest now. That's what your headache is trying to tell you."
He tenderly brushed a stray strand of hair out of her face, then continued to gently run his fingers through her light curls the way he knew she liked.
"Why don't you try to sleep a little, and we'll continue this when you wake up again?" he suggested, fiddling with the controls on the biobed to add a mild sedative to the fluids in the drip. "You'll feel much better then."
"I don't want to go back to sleep, Doctor!" she exclaimed, a panicked look on her face, while her eyelids were already starting to droop.
"I'll stay with you, all right? No need to be afraid. You're amongst friends," McCoy reassured her, continuing to stroke her hair comfortingly until long after she'd fallen asleep again.
She was coherent, there was no slur in her speech, semantics and syntax were correct, the only real problem seemed to be her memory. It could have been so much worse, he should really be grateful. So, why was it still so hard on him?
Getting up from the bed, McCoy rubbed a tired hand over his face, checked Hope's vitals one more time, and went to call Jim and Spock.
-x-x-x-x-x-
When Jenny woke up again, she found the doctor asleep in a chair right next to her bed, and was touched that he'd kept his promise to stay with her.
"Dr. McCoy!" she called softly, reaching out to gently tap his arm.
He woke up with a start, immediately alert, his features settling into a friendly smile after only the briefest moment of finding his bearings.
"Hello again," he grinned, getting up and helping her to a sitting position, plumping up her pillow and trying to make her comfortable. "See? No problem recognising me this time!"
What she didn't see, of course, was the hurt he felt, when he added, if only as your doctor, in his mind.
"You were right, I'm feeling much better now, so let's get on with the tests and questions," Jenny beamed, the pleasant feeling fading again quickly, however, when she tried and failed to remember anything else but his name and the short conversation they'd had before.
She was getting really scared and would probably have panicked, if not for the kind doctor's calming presence. For some reason she felt really safe with him and just hoped he'd be around longer, already dreading the moment his shift would end, and her care would be transferred to a colleague.
Apparently seeing her face falling, the doctor sat down on the edge of her bed, and gently took her hand in both of his.
"I know this is scary," he said, his voice low and comforting, "but you're surrounded by friends here. Friends who know you well, and who'll do everything to help you find the missing pieces. All right?"
Jenny nodded, grateful for his words of comfort, and already feeling less terrified again.
"Right, tell me Jenny," the doctor asked brightly, "have you got any idea where you are?"
Trying to force her brain into action, she squeezed the doctor's hand harder, and felt pleasantly grounded when he returned a little of the pressure, quite obviously aware of how important their physical connection was for her.
"I'm sorry, no," she finally said, somehow feeling as if she was letting him down.
"Don't worry, I'll quickly give you the most important facts," he said kindly, "but I don't want to tell you too much. I want you to remember things in your own time, and not manipulate your memories before they come back. Does that make sense to you?"
"I think so," Jenny replied thoughtfully, then let a smile spread across her face. "I mean, I'd rather actually remember things, too, instead of just having to take your word for it."
"Exactly," he laughed, "I see your sense of humour is still the same."
Jenny found that laugh, spontaneous and honest, a friend's rather than a doctor's, far more comforting than all his kind words before. He really seemed to know her well, and she found that thought immensely reassuring.
"All right, here goes," the doctor went on. "Your full name is Dr. Jennifer Hope. You're a linguist, and a Starfleet officer on the USS Enterprise, and you've just woken from a three-day-coma you unfortunately fell into while saving every single member of this crew by donating your blood. You were aware of the risks, but you still chose to do it, because that's who you are."
Wow!
While processing the information, Jenny simultaneously tried to place the doctor's almost tender gaze, the look in his eyes a strange mixture of gratitude, admiration, and reproach. As if he hadn't approved of her taking the risk, yet was happy with the outcome. In any case, he'd made her sound like a true, selfless heroine, and she had to admit that she liked that.
Squeezing her hand to get her attention again, after a while, he asked, "So, if you don't remember any recent events, how about your childhood? Any memories of growing up? Before studying in the park with Sarah?"
"Well, at least there are random scenes, like flashbacks," she replied vaguely, wanting to be truthful with Dr. McCoy, yet getting the strangest feeling that she wasn't supposed to talk about her childhood.
The doctor kept quiet, just gazing at her encouragingly and continuing to caress her hand with his thumb, obviously giving her time to think, and she found that there were, indeed, memories coming back, one by one.
"It's very little, nothing specific yet, but I think I'm getting there," she smiled, feeling like celebrating even the smallest progress. "I remember Sarah, our dorm at the Academy, Admiral Dakunia."
She smiled at the memory of the admiral who had been very kind to her, and was rather taken aback to see the doctor raise an irritated eyebrow at the mention of the admiral's name.
"Well, that sounds like a good start," Dr. McCoy smiled, giving her hand one more encouraging squeeze, before releasing it to stand up. "Definitely something we can work with."
A strange emotion passed across the doctor's face, again one she couldn't really place. Annoyance? Regret? Concern? But when his gaze returned to her face, there was nothing but kindness in his eyes again, and a silent promise to support her on her way to gain back her memories.
"Before we go any deeper, and I know you have a million questions right now, would it be all right for our captain and first officer to join us? They are aware that you are currently suffering from amnesia, but would still like to thank you for saving our lives," he smiled, his eyes almost brimming over with proud affection. "Besides, seeing a few faces other than mine, might help spark some more memories."
Jenny nodded her assent, even though she found the prospect of meeting her captain and first officer without remembering them, nor even her own name, while still trying to get her head around being an actual Starfleet officer on an actual starship, a little daunting. But if Dr. McCoy thought it was a good idea, it most probably was.
Something about the doctor made her trust him implicitly, she thought, watching his back as he went to the comm on the wall, already wondering if the captain and the first officer would be equally friendly and likable.