A/N: Chapter has been lightly edited, so please forgive any errors. Chapter takes place on September 19th, 2007. No TWs.
There was a time when Draco Malfoy loved parties.
After all, life was more fun with an audience. At various points Draco had jumped out of a large cake (Pansy's 21st birthday), laced everyone's drinks with Gigglewater (his parents' 30th anniversary), and sung a delightful drunk duet with Theo—the Weird Sisters' latest single, "All Hat, No Wand"—at Tracey's 23rd birthday. But that Draco had begun to fade even before he sought out help.
This would be the first time he celebrated Hermione's birthday. She had run through the guest list on Saturday, which contained high potential for yet another emotionally difficult evening. Blaise, Dean, Theo, Romi and Gabriel would be there to keep him company alongside a host of people who fancied him either locked up or dead. Ron fucking Weasley would be there, not to mention several high-ranking Ministry employees and foreign dignitaries.
It was not a crowd Draco could get lost in.
In the seven weeks since Draco returned from France, he gained a full stone. A bit might have been muscle from his morning runs with Bastien, or so Draco told himself. It was enough weight that his clothes hung differently. He felt different in them, and not in a good way.
His closet was a frightening place. Would this fit? Would that be too tight? Could his arms even fit through those sleeves anymore? Draco was late and drowning in options. He should have planned an outfit earlier, but he still would have found a reason to hate it. He settled on black trousers, a black t-shirt, and an emerald green bomber jacket. Simple and casual enough to not be a date outfit, while still looking like he made an effort.
The party took place at one of the Wizarding World's most exclusive nightclubs. Draco didn't think Hermione was much of the partying type. He thought she'd be happy with a small dinner for her friends, but perhaps he didn't know her as well as he thought. The party was in full swing by the time Draco arrived, an hour after it began.
Walking into the club was like stepping into a life he hardly remembered. Two years earlier Draco would have been at the centre of the mass of bodies in front of the stage. As touch-starved as he was, nightclubs were an excuse for dozens of people to touch him without consequence. If he wasn't careful, that loneliness could strangle him again and he had bailed on too many parties as of late.
Draco wandered around with Hermione's gift between his arms and squinted through the dark, searching for anyone he knew. He looked around the small club and guessed about a hundred and twenty people were in attendance. The Swiss Minister for Magic was there, along with a few high-ranking officials Draco recognized from Greece, Spain, and Austria. Ghouls and Roses were onstage. Alicia Spinnet and one of the French senior ministers were snorting Pixie Dust off a table, Potter and Ron Weasley were at the bar ...
Draco considered running out the door until someone shouted his name. He whipped around but couldn't figure out who called him over the sound of the music and din of the crowd.
"DRACO!"
A few moments later he spotted Gabriel pushing people out of the way. He accepted a hug as Gabriel shouted into his ear.
"BLAISE AND I ARE GOING TO DO A DOUBLE SHOT OFF ROMI! YOU HAVE TO WATCH!"
Draco shook his head and shouted, "WHERE IS HERMIONE?!"
Gabriel shrugged and replied, "NOBODY'S SEEN HER SINCE THE PARTY STARTED!"
"I'M GOING TO PUT HER GIFT WITH THE OTHERS!"
Gabriel nodded and pointed toward the backmost corner of the club where a massive pile of gifts awaited Hermione. Draco meandered through the crowd and put the box on a free spot at the back of the table. Then it hit him: this wasn't Hermione's party. Someone along the line had been invited, who invited someone, then that person invited another one until twenty people became a hundred more. This was a convenient excuse for a bunch of high-ranking diplomats to get plastered. If everyone got smashed, no one would be able to blab for fear their own exploits would be exposed.
He needed a moment alone. Just a moment. It wasn't really hiding if he only hid for five minutes. Draco walked up the stairs two at a time and peeked into the private room at the end of the hall. He smiled when he found Hermione reading at a corner of the table in the centre of the room.
"Can't say I am surprised to see you hiding up here with your nose in a book."
"I'll be down when they cut the cake," she said without looking up. "It seems that with this promotion came a few 'perks,' one of which was the office hijacking my birthday party. I couldn't say no once half of Europe's magical delegation had invited themselves."
"They said cake is in a half hour." Draco gathered his courage and asked, "Dance with me 'til then?"
Hermione put her book on the table and smiled when she saw his face.
"You shaved it off!"
Draco shrugged.
"I figured it was time to stop hiding."
"Then I suppose I should do the same."
Hermione stood up from the table and Draco couldn't help but stare. The red dress fell to her ankles and was made of thin fabric, certainly not an outfit to hide in. It was cut low enough that Draco's eyes slipped more than once. She'd pulled her hair back into a half-up style that left her shoulders bare except for the two slim straps holding up the dress. She looked wonderful and Draco couldn't help but say,
"Wow."
Hermione laughed and revealed, "This was one of my post-divorce purchases."
"Remind me to thank Weasley later," Draco teased.
Hermione took his hand in hers and said, "There is a lot more where this came from. It turns out retail therapy is far more expensive than actual therapy."
Draco smiled as Hermione led him downstairs. It was comical how everyone at the bar seemed to catch sight of them at once. Jaws dropped open, eyebrows were raised, and Weasley looked ready to duel on the spot. It was strange because holding hands was nothing out of the ordinary for them. Draco couldn't help but want more, though. He wondered whether holding hands would ever be holding hands.
They made their way toward the back of the dance floor, weaving through the crowd. The music played at a crushing decibel, exactly as Draco remembered. It had been awhile for him, but dancing in the dark with attractive people was a habit he hadn't quite forgotten. It was easy to disappear, the two of them lit only by multicoloured lights that bounced away just as quickly as they landed.
Hermione shouted over her shoulder, "I HAVEN'T DONE THIS IN A LONG TIME!"
"IT'S LIKE RIDING A BROOM! YOU NEVER REALLY FORGET."
"I'M NOT MUCH FOR BROOMS!"
Draco leaned down to say something only she would hear.
"You look amazing, Hermione. Everyone is watching, so you may as well give them a show."
She grumbled, "No pressure."
Draco chuckled and turned her around. Instinct took over as he placed his hands on Hermione's shoulders and slowly moved his fingers down her sides. He felt her relax beneath his touch as he followed her curves, brushed against the sides of her tits, dipped in at her waist, then settled his hands on her hips. She leaned back and moved side-to-side with the music. There was freedom in the dark, so Draco wasn't dancing with his friend; he was dancing with the woman he wanted to be with. Hermione pulled Draco's hands back up to her waist and he bent down to kiss her shoulder.
They spent the next few songs dancing together, mindless, exploring each other with their hands. Once she stopped thinking about it, Hermione was a lot of fun. It was easy to get lost in the idea that they might somehow ...
"Enough time with the birthday girl, Malfoy!" Romilda shouted as she pulled Hermione away. "Ginny and I want a turn!"
Draco dutifully handed her off, and if he didn't know better he would say she was disappointed to leave him. Draco told himself it was just a trick of the light. No use in getting his hopes up only to have them crushed later on. Draco made his way to the bar and ordered a Strongbow, afraid anything more potent would ruin the evening. Mid-sip, he heard the last voice he wanted to hear.
"Did you place her under the Imperius Curse or was it a Confundus Charm?"
Draco swallowed and regretted not ordering something stronger.
"Piss off, Weasley."
"At first I really thought you'd done something like that," he admitted. "The way she looks at you, she never looked at me quite like that."
"Hermione usually looks at me with a combination of confusion and disappointment."
"How stupid are you? She looks at you like she wants you. And yeah, it confuses the hell out of her just like it does all of us. I was right well pissed about it when I found out, but when you ran off she was devastated. I mean, completely broken-hearted, sobbing, wondering why—"
Draco slammed his glass on the bar and shouted, "I get it!"
"But you don't, do you? Because that's what Hermione does. She gets pissed at you for not telling her something even though she kept an even bigger thing from you. How the hell were you supposed to know what she felt? Did she ever tell you?"
"No."
"Because she was scared." Weasley took a deep breath and leaned just a bit further into Draco's space. "I've moved on, you know. I'm happy making a family of my own. Hermione is one of my best friends and I want her to be happy, too. I'm not saying I don't hate you, but Harry and Hermione see something in you that I don't. It's not the first time I've been a little blind, either. Just be careful with her heart, will you?"
Draco nodded and turned to look Ron Weasley in the eyes.
"Were you this terrified when you fell in love with her?"
"No, but that was part of the problem, wasn't it? Everything between us was young and stupid and forced along by the war. When I stopped to think about it, I always convinced myself she was in love with Harry. I was never scared, I was only ever happy or angry. Not much else with us, you know?"
Draco nodded. He'd only recently begun to experience a full range of emotions himself.
"I still don't know if she wants me the way I want her."
Weasley nodded toward the dance floor and said, "She keeps looking over here and I don't think she's putting on a show for me."
Draco turned around to look and his heart jumped in double-time. For the first time since they'd become friends, Hermione looked like she'd let go of all her troubles. Her dress twirled around her hips as she lost herself in the music. She said goodbye to work, to Weasley, and all the aggression that built up inside her over the years. It looked like she was having fun and Draco ached for her to be like that with him.
"That dopey look on your face is the reason I'm not fighting her on this." Weasley turned toward the end of the bar where Potter sat observing the conversation, but turned back around to say, "Bit of advice, Hermione's not a patient woman. If you're gonna make a move, Malfoy, make it."
He walked away and Draco looked down at the empty glass in his hands. Ronald fucking Weasley was giving him love advice. Draco was not nearly drunk enough for this. A few songs later, the lead singer waved one hand in the air to silence the band. He leaned into the microphone and said,
"We've been told it is time for the birthday lady to blow out her candles."
The crowd parted around Hermione as Blaise rolled out her cake. Chocolate with chocolate frosting, of course. Twenty-eight flames flickered on top of the candles, and Hermione seemed to shrink into herself as everyone sang "Happy Birthday." She quickly glanced in Draco's direction before blowing out the candles.
"Happy birthday, Hermione Granger!" the lead singer shouted. "Cake will be upstairs, and now you should find a good dance partner because we're going to slow things down for a moment."
Draco was walking onto the dance floor just as Hermione turned in his direction. He offered his hand and asked,
"May I have this dance?"
"Only if you promise to help carry my gifts upstairs."
Draco smiled and said, "I think I can manage that."
He pulled Hermione in close and they danced as guests slowly vacated the floor. Halfway through the song, it was just the two of them swaying together on an otherwise-empty dance floor. It seemed to be over just as soon as it began. Draco had been lost in the moment. Holding Hermione so close gave him more of a buzz than the Strongbow.
"That was nice," she said, "but I think I've had enough dancing for the night."
Draco agreed and allowed Hermione to lead him to the gift table. They ended up levitating most things up the stairs, leaving the bottles of alcohol to be collected later. They passed by the room with the cakes (Blaise made enough for everyone.) and chose the last room, placing the gifts on the table with Hermione's book.
"You have quite the lot."
"I do like presents," Hermione admitted. "Did you bring one?"
"Of course!" Draco said, placing a hand over his heart in mock offense.
"Which one?"
Draco Summoned the box and placed it in front of Hermione. He wrapped it in simple purple paper with a silver ribbon and bow. Hermione appeared impressed.
"It's beautiful. Who wrapped this?"
"I did." Draco blushed. "I enjoy giving presents and wrapping them. You should see me at Christmas, my study is covered in paper."
"May I open it?"
Oh, God. Oh, God. Draco nodded, finding the moment even more terrifying than he anticipated. As Hermione tore into the wrapping, he said,
"Food isn't really food to me; it's control. Or, I suppose it is the lack of control. Blaise, and Penelope, and you, Hermione, are starting to make me see it differently. I may not be happy about it, but you make me feel like I am moving forward. I am painfully slow at it, but still, I am moving forward."
"That's good," Hermione replied. She tossed the paper aside and began opening the box.
"Food is important, though. It's intimate."
Hermione pulled out one of the two place settings; complete with utensils, teacup, and saucer. They had a beautiful gold and platinum braided trim, which his mother helped select. (Draco hadn't mentioned who they were for, but he was certain she knew. When it came to Hermione, he was a painfully open book.) Hermione's smile wavered a bit as she asked,
"You got me plates?"
"Date plates," Draco corrected.
"You've lost me."
Draco blushed and said, "There are two settings there. My family is rather traditional—"
"I know that much."
"—and my mother taught me that if you love someone enough to invite them into your home for a meal, they deserve a special set. One that is only for meals the two of you share together. Blaise always says white plates are best because it allows the food to be the focus, so I thought you should have white date plates."
Hermione delicately placed the plate back in its box. She looked up at him and asked,
"Why?"
"I have spent ten years in a prison of my own making and I don't want to be there anymore. I want a second chance to be the person I want to be. Penelope has told me time and time again that to do so I must relinquish control of my emotions. Over the past several months I've allowed myself to feel guilt, hopelessness, and even pride. But there is one thing I have been too terrified to experience."
"Happiness."
Hermione sait it because she already knew his answer. Draco nodded, not that she needed confirmation. Hermione saw through his carefully-crafted walls as though they weren't there at all.
She asked, "Why are you so afraid to be happy?"
"Because it can be taken away! I thought there were moments when Gabrielle made me happy. Blaise and Astoria had time with me they described as happy, but I never felt the same. At Blaise's wedding I finally figured out the difference between being cheerful and being happy. See, Dean could spend the rest of his life doing nothing but snogging Blaise and he would die a happy man. Theo looks at his kids and sees Tracey, he will do anything for them, and it makes him happy. I realized that happiness is love with a purpose; two things I never had."
"I've never thought of it like that," Hermione said. "I like that logic, but what does that have to do with plates?"
Draco could still back out, walk away, and pretend this never happened. But Weasley was right. If he was going to make a move, he had to make it now. He took one of Hermione's hands and ran his thumb across her knuckles. She looked up at him with wide, hopeful eyes, and Draco dove right in.
"You are the most powerful, intelligent, ambitious person I have ever met. While I have seen what unbridled power looks like up close, yours does not terrify me because your intentions are good. You don't fight for Hermione Granger, you fight for what is right. You forgave me for the awful things I did to you, which allowed me to see you as more than an apology waiting to happen. I got to see you as Hermione. I was able to see you as my friend."
Hermione made a disappointed face and replied, "I suppose I am happy to be your friend."
"No, no, you misunderstand." Draco hummed, frustrated at himself. He was so afraid of her reaction he could hardly get the words out. "I am tired of pretending I am not jealous of the men you've been dating. I hate wondering whether you slept with them, and being too terrified of the answer to ask. Most of all, I hate when you hug me and I let go too early because I know I will kiss you if I don't." Draco nodded to her gift and said, "These plates are yours to share with whomever you choose, but I want you to choose me. It will be hard sometimes, dealing with this, with me, I mean. But if you'll have me, I want my second chance to begin with you."
Draco couldn't read the expression on Hermione's face. His heart pounded against his ribs and he felt his face heat up, anxiety heightening with every second she didn't reply.
"Do you remember our first lunch together?"
Draco nodded, not quite trusting himself to form a complete sentence.
"You said you broke up with Gabrielle to avoid spilling all your problems onto her. It made me wonder, why are you alright pouring those problems onto me?"
"Gabrielle and I were together four years ago, and I was different then. Bloody hell, Hermione, I was different four months ago!"
"You were gone four months ago."
Draco groaned and bit back his instinctive, Did you really need to bring that up right now?
"I made mistakes. I will keep making mistakes and learning from them, becoming the man I want to be. It will take time, but I understand now that pushing my friends away, pushing you away is a mistake. My problems are my problems and I will deal with them, share them with you without expecting you to solve them. If—wait, why am I explaining this to you?" he asked. "If you don't want this, just say you don't want me. I have had my fair share of rejection and I can take it."
"Can you?" she shot back.
"Yes!" Draco shouted. "What is happening to you? You know me better than this."
"I'm scared!"
"Of me?"
"Yes!" exclaimed Hermione. "Yes, I am scared of you. And yes, I slept with someone because I thought it would get my mind off our friendship because I want it to be more than that. I have tried again and again to find someone who makes me feel the way you do. I spent my time with other men comparing them to you. When I slept with someone I was thinking about what it would be like if he was you." She dabbed at one eye with a fingertip and said, "What you would feel like."
Draco felt himself flush clear down his neck. Hermione fantasized about him, too?
"You support me more than almost anyone. You have changed so much, nearly tortured yourself to death because of all the guilt and pain inside of you. Yet you still manage to move forward and it is one of the bravest things I've ever seen. But I've seen what you do to yourself, how much further in recovery you have to go. I am scared you might relapse again, but this time I will have to watch and it terrifies me. I care about you so much, I don't think I can do that. Draco, this is—"
He kissed her. Draco had one hand on the back of Hermione's neck, the other resting on her waist, and she was kissing him back. His eyes fell shut as he pulled Hermione closer. She wrapped her arms around his waist and everything around them faded to nothing. It was better than he imagined; slow, lingering kisses that felt like a dream. Hermione was soft and so incredibly small in his arms. Draco hadn't held her like this before, there was always a restrained desire, tension between them. But at that moment she was kissing him back.
When Draco finally stepped away, Hermione clapped a hand over her mouth to stifle a giggle. Draco couldn't keep the smile off his face.
"I never thought you'd do it, Hermione admitted. She trailed her fingers across her lips before letting her hand fall back to her side. "For the first time in my life, I got exactly what I wished for."