Chapter 25: Where Do We Go From Here?

Daryl winced as he slipped the crisp and clean gray shirt over his arms. He fastened the buttons one by one as he looked aimlessly around the room. He had been in Alexandria's infirmary for two days and he was more than ready to leave. Siddiq came by earlier and gave him the all clear. His multiple injuries were healing well and the antibiotics had taken care of the infection he had from not letting his wounds heal properly the first time. He also suffered a serious concussion from the beating he took to his head from Beta.

But he was fine. He'd lived through the war and was ready to go home...wherever that was.

Daryl walked over to the other side of the room and grunted as he bent over to pick up his dirty boots. He slipped them onto his feet and sat down on a chair. He bent over to lace up his boots when Connie walked through the door. His face brightened when he laid eyes on her, momentarily distracting him from the task at hand.

Daryl gave her a half smile before returning his attention to his boots. He grimaced as he hunched over to lace them up.

Connie quickly came to his side and knelt down to help him. She reached for the laces and began to tighten them from the bottom up. Daryl nudged her shoulder but she ignored him and continued. Daryl touched her face and lifted her chin so that she could see him speak. She finally looked up.

"I can do that myself," Daryl stated clearly as he tried to pull her up by the elbow. Connie slapped his hand away and went back to tying his shoes. Daryl leaned back into the chair and huffed in exasperation as he let her tend to him.

When Connie finished, Daryl stood from the chair and went to the closet to retrieve his vest. Daryl sighed quietly as Connie helped him slide it over his shoulders. He grabbed his crossbow and knife then looked around the room to see if he was missing anything. He looked at Connie again before he opened the door. "You ready?" he asked. Connie smiled and nodded.

They walked out the door and down the stoop. They both instinctively reached for the hand of the other as they walked down Alexandria's perfect tree-lined sidewalk. Connie studied Daryl while Daryl studied his surroundings. He felt like all eyes were on him, wondering what he was doing holding hands with a woman. He shifted uncomfortably as he pulled his hand out of Connie's. He adjusted his crossbow over his shoulder but when he finished, he kept his hand on his weapon. The small act didn't go unnoticed by Connie.

The couple entered the mess hall and walked to the serving table. Daryl grabbed a plate and fork for himself then for Connie. She scooped eggs onto her plate, then onto his, followed by a scoop of potatoes for each of them. They came to a fruit bowl and Daryl picked up an apple and put it on his plate. He nodded to Connie, not sure what kind of fruit she wanted. Connie chose a pear.

Connie looked around the mess hall for open seats and saw two chairs next to an older couple whose names she didn't know. She strolled towards the empty seats before Daryl pulled at her arm. "I got somewhere better." Daryl exited the mess hall and Connie followed.

The two walked together behind a row of houses and towards a gazebo that overlooked Alexandria's pond. They sat on a bench together and Daryl immediately began to eat. Connie held her plate and watched him. She grinned as she watched him scarf down his food. Daryl finally glanced over at her and noticed that she was more interested in him than in her food.

"What?" he asked with a full mouth. Connie smiled back at him then shook her head. The suspicious smile didn't disappear as she put a dainty forkful of potatoes into her mouth.

They ate in the quiet as they gazed at the pond sparkling in the sunlight. When they finished their meal, Connie took Daryl's dishes, stacked them on top of hers and set them on the wooden floor of the gazebo. She sat back down and drew her knees to her chest. She leaned back into the arm of the bench as she faced him.

Daryl looked back at her expectantly but Connie waited patiently for him to speak or make a move.

"What?" Daryl asked again. Connie shrugged her shoulders and pointed at his head. Daryl sat there quietly, with confusion all over his face. "I don't get it. What do you want me to say?" Connie just pointed at him again and waited but Daryl just sat there frozen.

Connie finally pulled her notepad out of her chest pocket. She wrote something down, then showed it to him.

There's something on your mind
yr not telling me. What is it?

Daryl peered out over the water as he pulled in a deep breath then faced her as he exhaled. He reached over and took her hands into his then gazed up into her eyes. "This..." he said slowly as he pointed to himself then her, "this is new for me." Connie smiled warmly at Daryl and nodded for him to continue. "I'm 47 years old and I ain't never...I ain't never been in a relationship like this and I...I don't know what I'm doin'."

Daryl stared at Connie waiting for her to respond. She didn't and it made him uneasy. "Why aren't you answerin' me? Talk to me...tell me what to do?" Daryl let go of her hands and placed her notepad in one hand and her pen in the other.

Connie wrote something down in the notepad and handed it to him.

What do you want me to say?

"I told you already," Daryl replied impatiently,"tell me what to do. I ain't no damn mind reader and I don't know what the hell I'm doin' here. I mean holdin' hands and actin' like we're goin' to the prom or somethin'...it just feels..."

Connie sighed as she snatched the notepad from Daryl's hands and wrote again.

Feels like what? Are you
embarrassed to be with me?

"Hell no! I ain't embarrassed by you. I'm embarrassed by myself because everything...all this," he said moving his hand between them, "all this...it just feel so strange. Like I'm in a weird dream or somethin' where some kinda joke is bein' played on me."

You told me you love me, right?

Daryl stared down at the note as he chewed on his bottom lip. He finally looked back up at her and spoke. "I do. I love you. That's the only thing I'm sure of."

You love me. I love you.
What else do you need to know?
What do you think I'm supposed to tell you?

"I know I love you but I ain't got the faintest idea what that actually looks like." Daryl stood up and paced back and forth, agitated by his own confusion. "I never loved someone like this and I don't know what I'm supposed to do with that. I mean where do we go from here?"

What makes you think I have all the answers?

"I don't know, I just know that I ain't got any of the answers," Daryl snapped. Connie shook her head. She was discouraged to see him revert to his old defensive ways. He was so unsure of himself which made him unsure of her. Daryl resembled the caged animal she met a few weeks ago. The fragile warrior that protected himself from having his heart hurt. But this time it was different. She didn't think he was protecting himself from getting hurt but instead trying his best not to hurt her.

Connie watched him shuffle around anxiously and finally grabbed his arm, trying to still him. She showed him another note.

We'll figure this out

"I don't know what that means. How do we do that?" Connie scribbled furiously on her notepad for a long time. After a minute, she handed him the note and Daryl read it to himself.

It means we're together
It means u let me be with u in EVERY way
It means you come for me when I'm in danger
and that I help u tie yr shoes
because yr still hurting
U learn I like pears more than apples
It means I want to hold yr hand when we
walk down the street
and I figure out who u r
and u figure out who I am
It means I take care of u
and u take care of me

"I ain't never let anyone take care of me. I wouldn't know where to start. I just ain't sure I'm gonna be good for you. And you...you deserve something good."

I do deserve something good
that's why I'm with you

"Yeah but all this," Daryl scoffed as he shook his head, "I don't know if I can do all this. This ain't never been me."

Maybe it's time u tried something new

Daryl stared at the note. Her words, something new stared back at him. This was new. He thought back to just a few days earlier, trying his very best to stage a daring rescue...willing to sacrifice everything to fight the enemy and get the woman he loved back in his arms...taking shot after shot and being beaten into the ground. That seemed normal. Terror and violence and brutality all seemed normal. Going through the danger and saving her from all that gave him purpose.

But now what? Where did he and Connie go now in the calm and peace of this next step? It was so strange and surreal to think of holding hands. It was so foreign to think of someone taking care of him. It didn't feel natural. Daryl Dixon had taken care of himself since he was a small boy.

Actually loving another person and feeling like you deserved their love in return was more than he thought his tender soul could handle. It was too much responsibility for his fragile and inexperienced heart. It was terrifying. It was actually more frightening and uncertain than the world they lived in. The thought of messing this up and hurting her made him question if he even wanted to try.

Daryl sat down again and hung his head. He was so confused and scared. He thought that he had already figured this out when he made the decision to love her. But now in the light of day, he wasn't sure if any of it made sense.

As Daryl sat on the bench contemplating these intricate feelings, he felt Connie's arm slide around his back as she leaned her body gently against his. Her alluring touch immediately sent a surge of warmth and peace through Daryl's body. Her simple touch to his body felt sublime. Daryl closed his eyes and soaked up how good it felt.

Daryl suddenly sat up straight, opened his eyes and turned to Connie. He pulled her arm away and stood up. Connie reached for his hand but Daryl pulled that away too.

"I'm leaving," Daryl said coldly as he picked up his crossbow, slinging it over his shoulder.

Connie stood as she narrowed her eyes and put her arms up. Where? she mouthed to him.

"I'm going to look for Dog and just..." Daryl said then looked down,"and to just to be on my own for a little bit."

Connie lifted his chin and made him face her. "I just need to be on my own," Daryl said looking straight at her, trying to subdue his emotions. Connie wrote a note and showed it to him.

You said you'd never leave me again

"I know what I said before. I know I said I love you. I know I said I'd never leave you but..."

Connie stood in front of Daryl with indignation, her face inches from his. But what? She mouthed to him as she signed.

"I can't..."

Connie pulled her notepad out of his hands and scribbled furiously on it. She pushed the notepad onto Daryl's chest.

What? What can't you do?

"I can't...I can't do this," Daryl stammered. "I can't be with you. We can't be together. I don't know why the hell I ever thought we could! I wasn't built to be able to do this. I don't know how to love you. I can't do it. I'll screw it up. And you don't deserve that! And I...I don't deserve you!" Tears finally escaped from Daryl's eyes as he heard the words coming out of his mouth. Was he really doing this? Was he really turning away from the best thing that had ever happened to him in his entire life? Was he really going to walk away from her?

Connie beat her fists onto Daryl's chest angrily with tears in her own eyes. She finally stopped the onslaught and began to sign frantically. You! You're such a coward. You'll bleed to death trying to find me but you're too scared to do anything when you do! You think you can't do this...why? Why are you such a coward? Why? You just want to punish yourself! For what? Why can't you love me? What the hell are you so afraid of?

For once, Daryl was relieved that he couldn't understand what she was saying. He knew enough to know how angry she was and how much he was hurting her. And the fact that he was hurting her just confirmed to him that when it came to matters of the heart, he didn't know what he was doing. "Trust me, you'll be better off without me."

Connie shook her head as she wiped the tears from her face with the back of her hand. She looked up into his face, fixing her eyes on his as she cried.

Daryl's feet were planted in front of her and he couldn't move. He couldn't even look away from her. This ain't ever gonna work. Just turn around and walk away, he said to himself. But he couldn't do it. As much as he was afraid to stay, as much as he told himself he didn't deserve her and that he would inevitably hurt her, he couldn't bring himself to walk away from the love he'd found. Already it had become a drug he'd found himself addicted to.

The standoff continued as neither of them could retreat. Connie stood there trembling, all of her emotions flooding through her pounding heart. She stared at Daryl, begging him with her eyes to love her and let her love him back. Daryl was captivated by her mere presence as he stared back at her. He tried to turn to leave but he was held hostage by his longing for her. He fixed his hungry gaze on her as they stood inches apart. He breathed in and out as he felt his heart racing in his chest.

Daryl let his crossbow fall to the ground and leaned forward. He took her face in both of his hands and quickly pulled her full lips to his. He moved his hand down her back and pulled her even closer, as he felt himself completely surrendering to his desire. He suddenly felt like he couldn't get enough of her as he held her body and kissed her delicious mouth. How crazy he had been for thinking just seconds ago that he could possibly be away from her.

Connie's desire matched his as she wrapped her fingers around the back of his neck digging her nails into his skin. She stood on the tips of her toes as she pressed her mouth onto his, devouring him with her lips.

Daryl lifted her from the ground and held her close as the wild kiss continued. He finally set her feet back on the ground as his arms still grasped onto her. He pulled away and looked down into her alluring, brown eyes.

"I'm sorry," he said as he held her face in front of him. "I'm just scared because I ain't never felt the way I feel with you. I've never one day of my whole entire life loved anyone like I love you and it's terrifying. The thought of letting you take care of me...of messing it up or not being enough...the thought of losing you again...it terrifies me. Now that I have you, I'm always...I'm always gonna need you. It's all or nothin'"

Connie pulled his hand up and placed it onto her chest. She held it there then placed her other hand on his chest. He had her. She wasn't going anywhere and he knew it. And there was no way she would let him walk away either. Daryl felt her heartbeat underneath his hand and breathed easier, feeling that hypnotic peace he always had with her near.

"Go away with me!" Daryl said with breathy excitement. "Go back with me to our cabin in them woods. The place where I knew I was in love with you. Help me look for Dog and just...just be with me. Just you and me together, away from everything."

Connie nodded as she looked for her notepad and pen. She found them on the ground and picked them up. She wiped her tears away as she wrote then held the note in front of him to read.

We're together now - forever
Wherever you go, I go too

A/N: Hey everyone! Hope you are all doing well as this crazy season of life goes on and on and on... I'd love to hear from you! Tell me what you think about this last chapter or how things are going in your own lives. Drop a comment or feel free to PM me because I love to listen and especially love hearing from all of you. Anyhow, love to you all and God bless!