During their sixth-grade year, Charles, Drew, and Melinda learn that a child only comes of age emotionally when he has first wept like an adult, which, according to the teacher, usually happens when the child is 11 or 12, hence elementary school ends in sixth grade. Charles tries to prevent himself from weeping, but he hasn't counted on a certain Italian opera by Giacomo Puccini…

September 1968: Charles Finster was now in sixth grade, his final year of elementary school and the perks that came with it, including recess. Growing up was to be a major sorrow for young Charles Finster.

What didn't help was that when Chas, Drew, and Melinda went to their sixth-grade classroom, their new teacher described coming-of-age as follows: "You who are only children now, one day, you will grow up, and it will not be anywhere near as joyful as your parents make it out to be! For whereas childhood is a time of innocence, a time of joy, adulthood is a time of unspeakable, unrelenting tragedy…"

The sixth graders all silenced themselves. They hadn't thought about that before.

The teacher continued, "During puberty, changes occur as powerful chemicals called hormones are released into the bloodstream from glands in your body, such as the pituitary gland. The process typically occurs earlier in girls than in boys, but it causes physical changes in and emotional damages to any child!

"During this year, you will experience an increase in your appetite, which could result in you gaining weight! You may become more active during the day and require more sleep at night! In time, you will even experience a very rapid change in height and weight called a growth spurt! Your muscles and bones will get larger, and your favorite clothes won't fit anymore! You may feel awkward because your hands and feet will grow faster than other parts of your body!

"Girls will develop breasts, and their hips will begin to round out! Boys' shoulders will widen, and their voices will change, sometimes cracking as they deepen! But grown-ups tend to overlook the one thing that truly separates adults from you kids: unlike children, adults weep. The first time you weep is the exact point where your childhood innocence ends… forever!"

"Our childhood innocence?" whimpered Melinda.

"Ends?" whined Drew, who had just been fitted with braces.

"Forever?!" screamed Chas.

"Yes," said the teacher. "This typically happens to a child aged 11 or 12, and the worst part is… it can happen to anybody, so you'd better be careful… It could happen to you, or you, or…"

Chas gestured his finger to his chest with a fearful look in his eyes.

The teacher replied, "Yes. It could even happen to you before this year is out! And when it does, you have to write an essay on what adulthood means… for extra credit."

"Well, it's not gonna happen to me!" said Chas to Drew and Melinda.

"Me neither," said Drew.

"Me neither," said Melinda.

"Instead," said Chas, "we're gonna maintain our childhood innocence well into our teens."

Chas, Drew, and Melinda's classmates also accepted the challenge not to weep during their sixth-grade year. But, over the course of the school year, the fates would conspire to reduce them to their first adult tears…

During recess, Chas Finster, Drew Pickles, and Melinda Cavanaugh were among the oldest kids on the playground. This meant that they got to mentor the younger kids, including fourth graders Stu Pickles and Betty Giselle, fifth graders Howard DeVille and Charlotte, and third grader Didi Kropotkin.

The younger kids were shocked when Chas, Drew, and Melinda told them what their sixth-grade teacher had told them.

"So, you're saying that you have to cry to become a man?" asked Stu.

"The correct term is 'weep,' Stu," replied Drew. "There is a difference!"

Chas said, "But none of us want to weep because we don't want to grow up. Therefore, I've set up a list for what we sixth graders shouldn't do." And as he pulled out a piece of paper, he read, "We sixth graders must not: watch any sad movies, pray before an altar, lose a beloved family member, let anyone younger than ten die, let anyone hurt our feelings, or go to the opera. All these circumstances could make a sixth grader weep like a grown man."

Stu, Betty, Charlotte, and Didi were amazed at Chas' recitation of the list, but this made Howard uncomfortable. But then, Betty's prodding him with her index finger had also made him uncomfortable.

Presently, Didi's younger brother Ben Kropotkin, now six years old and in first grade, ran across the playground, wearing short pants and screaming. Upon seeing this, Didi knelt down by Ben and said, "What's the matter, Ben?"

"There's a monster in the jungle gym!" cried Ben. "I saw his big glowing eyes gazing at me!"

Chas then whispered to Stu, "I sure hope Ben doesn't run around in short pants like that when he gets to be my age, let alone during his bachelor party…"

Didi said to her younger brother, "Look, Ben. It's not that bad. Take me to the jungle gym, and I'll show you there's nothing to worry about."

Ben nodded, and he led Didi to the jungle gym, and following them were Chas, Melinda, Drew, Charlotte, Stu, Howard, and Betty.

Underneath the jungle gym, Ben and Didi indeed saw two large eyes.

"You see, Didi?" cried Ben. "There really is a monster under the jungle gym!"

Didi took a closer look at the eyes, and she replied, "Oh, Ben. It's just a little girl, and I think she's about your age."

Upon closer inspection, Ben saw that it was indeed a girl. Her name was Elaine, and like him, she was six and in first grade. In fact, he soon recognized her, and she recognized him, and they both turned around, Elaine scrunching up into a fetal position under the jungle gym and Ben clutching his chest while breathing heavily.

"Do you think she could be in love with you?" asked Didi.

"What do you mean?" cried Ben. "This is a girl we're talking about!"

"And aren't I a girl?"

"Yeah, but you don't make me all nervous and sweaty when I see you!"

"Well, just say hello to her."

Feeling very nervous, Ben turned to Elaine and, seeing her turn to him, heard her say, "Hello…"

But, lost for words, Ben could only gasp out, "Hi!" And then, he fled from the jungle gym.

Chas and his friends all overheard Elaine say to herself, "He spoke to me. He likes me!"

And they also heard Ben say to himself, "She looked at me. She likes me!"

Chas sighed, "Ah, youth…"

Melinda was taken aback. "Charles, we're supposed to maintain our childhood! Remember?"

Chas smiled and said, "Oh, yeah, Melinda!"

Drew then said to Chas and Melinda, "All right, Finster, Cavanaugh! Since sixth grade's gonna be a tumultuous year, we gotta raise our right hands and swear the oath before we start the race to the finish line, the race where if a sixth grader weeps, he will drop out of the race and end up graduating as a grown-up! So, let's swear the oath."

Melinda enthusiastically raised her right hand and said, "I, Melinda Cavanaugh, solemnly swear not to weep until after I have completed sixth grade. So help me Klasky."

Chas in turn raised his right hand and said, "I, Charles Finster, solemnly swear not to weep until after I have completed sixth grade. So help me Csupo."

Finally, Drew raised his right hand and said, "I, Andrew Pickles, solemnly swear not to weep until after I have completed sixth grade. So help me Germain."

And Chas, Melinda, and Drew began to play tag with Stu, Didi, Betty, Howard, Charlotte, and Ben. But little did any of the sixth graders know that these fun times were not to last, for what they had sworn would be easier said than done.

And so, the race was on! In the lead was the sixth-grade king, of course, but not far behind him were Chas, Melinda, and Drew, each one determined to maintain their childhood even after graduating.

"You think we're gonna make it to the finish line, Melinda?" asked Chas.

"Don't worry, Charles," Melinda replied. "Before my mom went to the hospital, she told me that adulthood was nothing to worry about."

This made Chas feel uneasy. He didn't want to tell Melinda that her mother had died because, not only had he promised his parents not to tell, but he didn't want Melinda to weep and let go of her childhood.

Presently, Drew shouted to Melinda, "Come on, Cavanaugh! Are we flappin' our yaps or runnin' to the finish line?"

And so, they raced.

However, as the school year wore on, Chas, Melinda, and Drew were to see their classmates, one by one, weep like adults. These classmates would tell them about an old adage that the circumstances that make a sixth grader weep foretell the kind of adult life he will live.

As for Chas, Melinda, and Drew, they continued to play around as all kids do. From the fourth grade upward, Melinda would invite Chas and the other kids to play all sorts of fun games. These games included tag, kickball, capture the flag, four square, and so on. Chas had always been wary about playing high-energy games, for during one game of dodgeball, Chas was hit with so many balls he had to be sent to the school nurse, and he returned to school with his arm in a cast.

During the next recess, as Chas sat on a bench watching his friends play kickball, Melinda came up to him shouting, "Hello, Charles!"

This startled Chas a little, but when he saw that it was only Melinda, he was relieved.

Melinda then said to Chas, "I'm so sorry about your broken arm."

"Nothing to cry over," said Chas. "I'll be better in a few weeks."

"In that case…" And with that, she took a red marker from her pack and drew a heart on Chas' cast.

Chas was charmed. His feelings for Melinda and vice versa were deepening…

"Come on, Melinda!" exclaimed Betty. "You're up next!"

Melinda then said to Chas, "I gotta go, Charles. Duty calls."

And she ran into the kickball diamond to kick the ball to kingdom come! As he watched this, Chas thought to himself, "If only I had as much energy as she does…"

All through the school year, one by one, Chas, Drew, and Melinda's classmates wept and dropped out of the Non-Teary Race. In fact, by February 1969, more than half of Chas' classmates had already wept. Fortunately, this did not include Drew, Melinda, or Chas himself. All three had been dodging teenagers (so as to avoid getting their feelings hurt), behaving very well (so they wouldn't have to feel guilt), and avoiding sad movies (so Bambi and Old Yeller were out of the question). In fact, they made every effort to avoid weeping like an adult.

Yes. Chas, Melinda, and Drew all held firm.

"Remember, Finster," said Drew. "Don't get distracted by anything remotely adult!"

"Okay, Drew," said Chas uneasily.

"Don't worry, guys," Melinda chimed in. "None of us will get distracted! All the others may fall, but not I!"

And so, the three continued to race, periodically stopping for ball games…

But one fateful day, Friday to be exact, the kids of the school between first and sixth grade went on a field trip to the Multiplex Opera House. This included not only Chas, Drew, and Melinda, but also Stu, Betty, Charlotte, Didi, and Ben, and among the responsible adult chaperones was Stu and Drew's father: "Private First Class Lou Pickles reportin' for duty!"

Didi and Ben's parents, Boris and Minka Kropotkin, joined as chaperones too.

On the way to the opera house, however, Chas noticed an absence in the bus seats.

"Where's Howard?" he asked.

Charlotte replied, "Our fifth-grade teacher told us he's home sick with the flu."

"Lucky him!" said Stu. "I hear the opera house is the best place for a sixth-grade boy to break into manly tears."

Drew then sharply stated, "Well, for your information, I'm planning to see an opera by Gilbert and Sullivan! Chas and Melinda will do the same thing. Right?"

"Actually," said Melinda, "a Mozart opera will be fun! Won't it, Charles?"

Chas replied, "Uh, yeah. At least, I won't end up crying at the end like if I were seeing a tragic opera."

"Of course not. Many of Mozart's operas are comedies."

"Coming to think of it, I'd be surprised if anyone wanted to see a tragedy."

Once they got to the opera house, the kids looked around to see which opera they wanted to see.

"There must be ten operas going on here," said Stu to himself.

As a matter of fact, there were ten operas being staged. These operas were Verdi's Aida, Puccini's La Bohême, Bizet's Carmen, Gounod's Faust, Wagner's Lohengrin, Mozart's Magic Flute, Mozart's Marriage of Figaro, Verdi's Rigoletto, Puccini's Madame Butterfly, and Gilbert and Sullivan's Pirates of Penzanze.

Lou, Boris, and Minka gave the children their sage advice on which opera to see.

Lou said to them, "You may see any opera you want, but I recommend that you see one of the ABC operas: Aida, La Bohême, or Carmen."

"If it's a comic opera you want," said Minka, "try The Magic Flute, The Marriage of Figaro, or The Pirates of Penzanze."

"Just don't see anything by Wagner," said Boris. "He's trash!"

As the adults spoke, the kids were having their own conversation. Stu was conversing with Chas, and Didi was conversing with Betty.

"I don't get it, Chas," said Stu. "How do you sixth graders know when you've wept?"

Chas replied, "I don't know. That's really the hard part. Lots of sixth graders have tried not to weep, but they wept anyway."

"Maybe you should attend Pirates of Penzanze with Drew and me. It's very comedic, I hear."

Meanwhile, Didi and Betty were talking about the Kropotkins.

"Didi," said Betty, "your parents are neat."

"Yeah," Didi replied, "but sometimes they embarrass me. One time, my mom made me wear a troll costume that I hated."

"It was just for your third-grade play. You'll be fine. Why don't we see The Marriage of Figaro?"

"Nah, I'd rather see The Magic Flute. I promised my brother we would."

Then, Didi said to her little brother, "Come on, Ben. Wanna see a man in feathers dancing and playing the panpipes on stage?"

"Yes!" exclaimed Ben.

And so, here's the breakdown on what Chas' friends ended up seeing: Stu and Drew saw The Pirates of Penzanze, Melinda and Betty saw The Marriage of Figaro, Didi and Ben saw The Magic Flute with their parents, and Charlotte saw Carmen.

As for Chas himself, he couldn't decide which opera to see.

Presently, he overheard Lou say to himself, "Well, my boys may be seeing some Gilbert and Sullivan play, but true art comes in the form of Puccini!"

And as Chas saw Lou enter the room staging La Bohême, Chas thought to himself, "Well, I did want to see The Marriage of Figaro with Melinda. But those two people on the poster for La Bohême remind me of myself and Melinda. I wonder why she didn't know about it…"

And so, Chas followed Lou to see La Bohême.

Inside the auditorium where La Bohême was being staged, the house was packed. Chas seated himself in one of the orchestra seats, right next to Lou, who quickly noticed him.

"Charles?" asked Lou. "What are you doing here? I thought you wanted to see The Marriage of Figaro with Melinda."

Chas replied, "I noticed that the guy on the poster looked an awful lot like myself, but with dark hair and a mustache."

Lou smiled and said, "That guy you're referring to is Rodolfo. He's a poet, and you'll see him shortly."

Chas sighed nervously.

"What's wrong?" asked Lou.

Chas answered, "It's just that I don't know if this opera's gonna end happily or sadly."

"Well, I'm not gonna spoil the ending then, but everybody has to see La Bohême at least once in their life. Might as well be when you're eleven years old."

"Okay, Mr. Pickles."

It was then when the opening music played, and the curtain rose to show two men in a Parisian garret in the 19th century. One of them, Rodolfo, was writing something by his desk, while the other guy, Rodolfo's friend, was painting upon an easel, singing:

"Questo Mar Rosso mi ammollisce
e assidera come se addosso
mi piovesse in stille.
Per vendicarmi affogo un Faraon."

Suddenly, the painter noticed that Rodolfo was gazing out the window and asked, "Che fai?"

Rodolfo replied in song:

"Nei cieli bigi
guardo fumar dai mille
comignoli Parigi,
e penso a quel poltrone
d'un vecchio caminetto ingannatore
che vive in ozio come un gran signor…"

Chas was immediately enraptured by the musical score of the opera.

Later, Rodolfo was searching all over the floor for a key that a pretty young woman had dropped when he clasped her hand and sang to her tenderly in his engaging, silvery voice:

"Che gelida manina!
Se la lasci riscaldar.
Cercar che giova?
Al buio non si trova.
Ma per fortuna
è una notte di luna,
e qui la luna l'abbiamo vicina…"

The woman in turn introduced herself as Mimi, and she sang an aria in her warm, smiling voice:

"…Ma quando vien lo sgelo
il primo sole è mio,
il primo bacio dell'aprile è mio!
Il primo sole è mio.
Germoglia in un vaso una rosa,
foglia a foglia l'aspiro.
Così gentil è il profumo d'un fior.
Ma i fior ch'io faccio, ahimè,
i fior ch'io faccio,
ahimè non hanno odore…"

And during the duet that ended Act I, Rodolfo and Mimi's voices blended in musical harmony that appealed to the audience:

"Fremon già nell'anima
le dolcezze estreme…"

"Tu sol comandi, amore…"

"Brilliance! Sheer brilliance!" Lou whispered.

Chas overheard, and he couldn't agree more. In fact, for some reason, Rodolfo and Mimi reminded him of himself and Melinda.

During Act II, a woman named Musetta, who was the painter's girlfriend (the painter's name was Marcello, by the way), sang a waltz that went something like this:

"Quando men' vo,
quando men' vo soletta
per la via,
la gente sosta e mira,
e la bellezza mia
tutta ricerca in me,
ricerca in me da capo a piè."

Chas and Lou both smiled, amazed, at Musetta's Waltz, and Lou said, "Now that's entertainment!"

But in Act III, Rodolfo had figured out that Mimi was very ill, so they had to break up. Mimi sang this tear-jerkingly beautiful aria:

"Involgi tutto quanto in un grembiale
e manderò il portiere…
Bada, sotto il guanciale
c'è la cuffietta rosa.
Se vuoi… se vuoi…
se vuoi serbarla a ricordo d'amor…
Addio, addio senza rancor."

As Mimi sang, Chas felt very sad. When he looked at Lou, he saw that the older man had tears running down his face. Chas was shocked. Up until that time, he had never seen a grown man cry before.

Lou wiped his eyes as Rodolfo sang to Mimi:

"Dunque è proprio finita?
Te ne vai, te ne vai, la mia piccina?"

Finally, Act IV saw Mimi lying in bed, with Rodolfo, Marcello, Musetta, and two other men surrounding her. Mimi sang to Rodolfo:

"Qui, amor… sempre con te!
Le mani… al caldo… e dormire…"

And so, she closed her eyes. By now, Lou was weeping as Rodolfo commented, "Vedi, è tranquilla. Che vuol dire? Quell'andare e venire… Quel guardarmi cosi?"

Rodolfo came to realize the sad truth: Mimi had died. Devastated, he cried out, "MIMI! MIMI!" And he began to weep.

Soon, Chas himself started weeping with Lou. The death of Mimi so overwhelmed him that, try as he might, he could no longer hold back the tears, now streaming down his face.

"Poor Mimi…" he sobbed.

Not yet twelve years old, and Chas' childhood was over.

The following Monday, at school, Chas was determined to not expose his newfound maturity to his non-weeping classmates.

Therefore, he, having written his essay on what adulthood might be like for him, turned it in to his teacher first thing in the morning, before any of his classmates came into the classroom.

But as Chas sat by his desk pensively, Drew came along and noticed that something was odd about him.

And out on the playground, Melinda said to Drew, "Where's Charles?"

"I don't know," Drew replied. "I haven't been able to speak to him since Friday, and he's been acting weird all morning."

"I hope he didn't see a tragic opera last Friday," said Didi.

Stu said, "If he did, we gotta be real nice to him, so he'll be a child again."

"Good idea, Stu," said Betty.

Chas came in and said, "Hi, guys. Boy! You kids are playing some fun games!" But he stopped himself and said, "Uh, did I just exclude myself from you? Sorry."

"We're just gonna play kickball, Charles," said Didi. "Wanna join us?"

Chas replied, "I'd love to! What are friends for?"

And so, Chas played some kickball with Melinda, Drew, Stu, Didi, Betty, and Ben.

But again, Drew noticed that Chas was acting funny. When Stu kicked the ball, Chas would say, "Whoa! Nice kick, Stu! It's just about the best kick I ever saw!"

"Uh, gee, Chas," said Stu modestly. "I just kicked a kickball."

"No really! That was a great kick!"

After the kickball game, Melinda asked, "Would you like to do something else?"

"Gee, I'd love to, but…" Chas stopped himself. Any normal kid wouldn't pass up a fun activity. "May I join in?"

"Sure. We could go play in the jungle gym," said Betty.

"Or we could play circus," said Didi.

Then Melinda told Chas, "We're gonna have a huge dodgeball tournament this Friday! Wanna come join us?"

Chas replied, "But I'm gonna see Carmen this Friday!" That's when he stopped. Did he just put his own foot in his mouth again?

That's when Drew became really suspicious. "Any normal kid wouldn't pass up dodgeball for an opera," he whispered to Stu. "I think Finster's hiding something."

"His name is Chas, and he is not!" cried Stu.

"Is too!"

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

Chas became sick and tired of Stu and Drew's arguments, so he left for the benches to sit and ponder on his departed childhood.

Once he had sat down, he noticed that Ben approached him.

"Hey, Mr. Finster," said Ben.

"Hi, Ben," said Chas. "By the way, my name is Chas. We've known each other since you were in preschool. Will you quit calling me Mr. Finster?"

"Okay, Mr. Finster. It's just that, since you're a sixth grader, you're older and wiser than me, a mere first grader. My mom, my dad, and my big sister Didi all tell me that all kinds of things—chores, lost teeth, whatever—are all part of growing up. Is this true?"

Chas smiled and replied, "Well, Ben. I've lost all my baby teeth, but new ones have taken their place. They're more durable and should stay in place all my life provided I take good care of them. But growing up is more than losing baby teeth. It also means losing a part of yourself that you value very much."

Ben was startled. "What do you mean?"

"What I mean is, you may have to lose your childhood when you're in sixth grade. And once you do, you can't have fun anymore. And you won't cry about it either. When you're in sixth grade and something bad happens to you, you'll weep as bitterly as a man who has lost the woman he loves!"

At first, Ben was so upset he gulped, and it wasn't a very satisfied gulp.

But then he said to Chas, "Wait a minute, Mr. Finster! My dad always says that even a grown-up doesn't have to act like a grown-up all the time! I mean, look at me! I'm pushing seven, and I still enjoy the music of Mozart's Magic Flute!"

Upon hearing this, Chas smiled and said, "You know, Ben. You also taught me that even when you're the elementary-school equivalent to a senior citizen, you're never too old to stop learning."

With that, Chas ruffled Ben's hair, and Ben ran to his friends with a smile.

Afterwards, Chas looked all around him. Out on the playground, younger kids were playing four square, dodgeball, kickball, as well as playing on the jungle gym and the swing set. Presently, however, he also noticed some listless sixth graders.

One of the boys asked Chas, "What are you doing here, kid?"

"Pay no mind to him," said another boy. "He's a cheerful child. Very common."

"You're right. I'm almost glad we're all grown up now."

One of the girls sighed sadly, "Will you stop bickering? Bickering is depressing. Life is pointless. Leave me to grapple with my own irrelevance as I confront young adulthood, and with it junior high."

"These must be the kids who have already wept," he said to himself. Suddenly, he cried out, "WHAT AM I DOING HERE!?"

And he ran off to the amazement of all the sixth graders who were seated there.

Chas was hiding himself under the jungle gym, thinking about his lost childhood, when all of a sudden, Drew spotted him and shouted, "YOU!"

Chas yelped before Drew said, "What are you doing here, Finster?"

"I-I was just hiding," said Chas.

"Why are you hiding? And what are you hiding?"

"What do you mean, what am I hiding? I'm not hiding anything! You're hiding something! Who went and saw a Puccini opera?"

Chas stopped himself as Drew gazed at him, shocked, and asked, "What did you say? You didn't see Puccini's La Bohême, did you?"

Chas nodded, clearly ashamed of himself for failing the challenge. "I saw your dad go into the auditorium that was staging La Bohême, and I followed him there out of curiosity, so no one is at fault for doing so but me."

"But how?"

"I guess I got caught up in the beauty of Puccini's music, and in the tragic storyline."

"You mean you…"

"Yep. I'm no longer a child, but a young man, for I have wept over the final scene of La Bohême."

"Then, you've grown up…" Drew looked at Chas for a moment, and Chas looked at Drew. Chas didn't know that Drew was thinking about all the times the latter had picked on the former, from the time they were two and undergoing potty-training to the time just before sixth grade when Chas was about to undergo an appendectomy. Then, Drew felt something he hadn't before: sympathy for the loss of Charles Norbert Finster's childhood and remorse over how he, Drew, had wasted his whole childhood acting like a bully. Tears streamed down his cheeks as he uttered these words: "Let me grow up too… Chas."

Yes, Drew also wept his first manly tears. But with that first time Drew ever called Chas by his first name, Chas smiled and, seized with real joy for the first time since that fateful Friday, he embraced Drew, who returned it with a tearful pat on the back.

Although his first manly tears were a major sorrow for young Charles Finster, his classmate Drew Pickles also stopped being a bully and started being a real friend. In fact, as soon Drew wiped away his tears, he said to Chas, "Come on, let's go see Melinda!"

And the two boys ran to play kickball with Melinda, who was waiting for them.

And thus began Chas and Drew's new lives as young adults. No matter what perils they and Melinda would face in the future, they would always face them together. And even after they had already wept, Chas and Drew would never forget their boyhood, sometimes feeling like kids at heart themselves. For as the great movie producer Walt Disney once said, "Adults are only kids grown up, anyway."

And that's the end of Season 1 of "The Joys and Sorrows of Young Charles Finster." And in case you're wondering, the opera scene was inspired by the Beecham recording of Puccini's immortal "La Boheme."

Season 2, which will encompass Chas' junior-high and high-school years, will come around as soon as I have the time.