Aubrey stretched her arms toward the night sky as a yawn escaped her lips. She'd had an eventful day.
After speaking with Kate in the kitchens, she'd made her way to Erwin's office for their nightly tea time. Their conversation had been fairly plain, but pleasant nonetheless. He'd asked her about her first day on the Special Operations Squad and she hadn't hesitated to tell him the truth. For the most part, they were what she'd expected, except for Chris.
Erwin had been happy to hear that she'd found some sort of companion and that she wasn't completely against the idea of continuing her new assignment. But, to Aubrey's surprise, when she'd brought up the red flag she'd sensed from Isabel earlier, Erwin had waved it off. He hadn't seemed the slightest bit surprised and Aubrey had been left with a bitter taste in her mouth as she tried to imagine the foul play that was going behind her back between Levi and Erwin.
After chatting for a while longer, Aubrey had left Erwin to do his paperwork and had returned the tea cups to the kitchen.
Erwin hadn't mentioned Levi or the recruits in any way. Perhaps he was trying to give her a place where she didn't have to think of them at all. When she wasn't immediately distracted, they were the only thing that occupied her thoughts and Aubrey was beginning to feel as if she were going a bit insane.
In fact, as she strolled down the dirt path toward the barracks, Aubrey felt an overwhelming urge to alter her course and head straight for Levi's room. She didn't have anything specific that she needed to say to him and she didn't have any real reason to disrupt him in general. But still… the pull in her chest and the ache in her heart told her that her feet were moving in the wrong direction and that she needed to have him in her sights immediately.
But she couldn't. Even with their small lapse in judgement at dinner, they still had boundaries.
Ugh. Aubrey was getting sick of the word 'boundaries' at a rapid pace. All day long she had to repeat it inside her own mind just to keep herself under control. At all times she had an insatiable urge to be at Levi's side. She wanted to hold his hand, brush the hair from his eyes, straighten his collar. All of which were things that definitely crossed their stupid 'boundaries'. She was beginning to regret having agreed to their rules in the first place.
But… every time she returned to her cold and empty room, she remembered why she had. Aubrey knew that losing Levi now, even though nothing had really happened between them, would devastate her. If she lost him, she wasn't sure she would be able to recover. Even Erwin wouldn't be able to save her if yet another precious person was ripped from her life.
Aubrey hesitated as she arrived in front of the door to her room. She was desperately exhausted and yet she knew that the nightmare would still plague her sleep. Plus, the majority of her day had been spent apart from Levi, who seemed to be the only reprieve she had from her nightly visions.
Sighing, she finally turned the knob and stepped into her room. It was just as cold and dark as ever.
Flicking on the lights, Aubrey went about the business of getting ready for bed as quickly as possible. She still hadn't done her laundry, and so she ended up grabbing the same casual outfit that she'd slept in the night before.
Aubrey quickly made her way to the showers, being as quiet as possible as she navigated the familiar hallways. After cleaning herself of the day's dirt and grime, she dressed and scurried to the laundry room to wash her dirty uniform. She may not have the time or energy to do a full load, but she did need a clean outfit for the next day.
After a few minutes of scrubbing and rinsing, Aubrey was satisfied with the job she'd done and returned to her room, where she hung the uniform up to dry. With any luck, it wouldn't be too damp when she put it on in the morning.
Aubrey exhaled as she plopped down onto her bed. It truly had been a long day and her body felt as if it were ready to collapse. And yet, just as always, her mind wasn't ready for sleep.
Aubrey glanced out the window and took in the sight of the shimmering night sky. The stars were especially bright tonight, and the moon was close to full. It would only be a few more days before she could really, truly sleep.
Aubrey rubbed the back of her neck as she silently wished for her muscles to stop aching. Saru had really pushed them today and while Aubrey hadn't had any trouble keeping up, it was still more intense work than she was used to.
In the middle of examining a forming bruise that she'd gotten at some point during the day, Aubrey heard a knock at her door. The back door.
Her heart skipped a beat and she had to remind herself to breathe as the fluttering feeling of excitement crept through her veins. Could it really be him?
Each step toward the door caused ripples of adrenaline to run through Aubrey's body as she finally reached for the knob. Her heart was pounding so fast that she was sure everyone in the building could hear it.
Finally, Aubrey found the courage to whip open the door, pulling it back so fast that a draft of air washed over her.
"Levi." Aubrey spoke his name just barely above a whisper. Her heart, which had already been pumping at a ridiculous pace, had leapt into her throat and caused her eyes to go wide and her mouth to pop open.
He was exactly who she wanted to see.
"Are you going for a walk?"
It took Aubrey a few seconds before she was able to process what he'd said. She was still too mesmerized by the fact that he was actually there.
"O-Oh, um…"
Aubrey's mind took a few more beats to realize what was occurring. If she said yes, he was going to go with her. That made answering easy.
"Yes, I am."
Levi nodded and shoved his hands into his pockets.
"Then let's go."
Aubrey fought hard to slow her heart and simply hummed in agreement.
She flicked off the lights and, without a second glance, shut the door behind her.
Aubrey eyed Levi as she made her way to his side. His outfit was almost exactly the same as it had been the previous night, but this time his shirt was black, making him blend in with the darkness of the night.
Aubrey didn't fail to notice that he hadn't brought a jacket, even though the air was chillier than before. She smiled to herself. Perhaps she was reading into it too much, or perhaps… he'd liked being wrapped in a blanket beside her.
"So… will you be joining me for walks every night?"
Levi glanced sideways at her as they began to stroll down the path. His expression was unreadable.
"Do you go for walks every night?"
Aubrey paused, weighing her options. What she wanted to say was risky and might elicit an unwanted response. But, after a few seconds of deliberation, she threw her reservations out the window. She was sick of dancing around the edges of their 'boundaries'.
"I will if you're going with me."
Levi's steps faltered a bit but he quickly regained his composure. He hadn't been expecting her to say something so bold.
He cursed the ever-brightening light from the moon. It cast enough of a glow over the world that Aubrey could probably see the heat that had risen to his cheeks.
Keeping his expression as stoic as he could, Levi spoke up.
"Then I guess we'll be going every night."
Aubrey couldn't hide the grin that slowly crept across her lips. This was something to look forward to. Even if boundaries were still in place, just the promise of Levi's company would be enough to get her through any day of training, no matter how awkward or grueling.
"Alright. I'll hold you to that."
Levi gave her a curt nod, still trying to hide the emotions that lie just beneath the surface of his carefully crafted expression.
After a few moments of calm silence, Aubrey spoke, her tone light.
"So… back to the pond tonight?"
Levi raised an eyebrow. "Did you have some other place in mind?"
Aubrey shook her head, backtracking.
"No, I was just wondering if you were starting to get bored of it."
Levi felt his brows scrunch together.
"How could I ever get bored of it?"
Aubrey's eyes widened and she felt a surge of joy run through her. Knowing that Levi enjoyed their spot just as much as she did made her feel like she was floating.
Aubrey's step picked up a bounce as they continued down the path.
"Never mind, then."
The two of them continued down the trail as a comfortable silence took over. Once again, Aubrey was standing a bit closer to Levi than was really necessary but she kept her fingers pressed against her thighs, intent on resisting the urge she had to take his hand. She nearly sighed as they entered the tree line. Her resolve was growing weaker by the day and she was beginning to accept, perhaps even like, that sooner or later, their rules would cease to exist.
A snap of a twig underfoot was the sound that brought Aubrey back to the present moment.
The night was colder under the cover of the trees and a shiver ran up her spine. There was a blanket in the cabin with her name on it.
Aubrey snuck a sideways glance at her companion only to find that he looked just as lost in thought as she had been just a moment before.
Aubrey hesitated, unsure of whether she wanted to break his concentration. His face was serious and dark, like he was contemplating a matter of great importance.
But, just as she had decided to keep quiet, Levi's eyes flickered to meet hers.
"Those Special Operations brats didn't seem very welcoming."
Levi's voice was low and rough and Aubrey could sense a hidden emotion behind his words, though she couldn't pinpoint what it was.
She raised an eyebrow.
"You were watching?"
Levi didn't respond but Aubrey thought she could see him tilting his head away from her, trying to hide his expression. That was all the answer she needed.
Aubrey let a small chuckle escape her lips before she addressed his original concern.
"I suppose they weren't all that hospitable, but one of them, Chris, is actually very sweet. And Captain Saru isn't all that bad either, even if she is a tyrant when it comes to training."
Aubrey once again rubbed her aching muscles as the discomfort came to the forefront of her mind.
Levi nodded, not knowing what he could add to her statement. Luckily, he didn't have to say anything more for Aubrey to feel comfortable continuing their conversation.
"What about you? Did training go alright apart from your little outburst?"
Levi turned his head sharply. "Tch. That asshole had it coming."
Aubrey sighed. For a moment, she considered reprimanding him for his attitude toward Flagon but she quickly abandoned the idea. No matter what she said, she had a feeling that Levi's dislike for the man wouldn't be disappearing any time soon.
"Well, apart from that, how did it go?"
Levi huffed and a scowl etched into his face.
"Your 'Captain' is the worst soldier on the team, your drills are too focused on teamwork to take advantage of individual strengths, and the way you explain your formations is far too complex. It's just a fucking triangle; say it how it is."
Aubrey felt her jaw drop to the ground and her eyes bug out of her head. Rarely had she ever heard Levi speak so much at once and never had she thought she'd hear him complain about the ineffectiveness of Survey Corps training.
Levi glanced at her and was caught off guard by her awed expression.
"What?"
Aubrey laughed.
She laughed loud enough for the sound to echo through the trees and for Levi to become concerned for her sanity.
His eyes narrowed as she finally pulled herself together, small giggles still escaping every few seconds.
"Well, at least you kept your promise. Sounds like you're taking it seriously."
"Tch."
Levi averted his eyes once again but he couldn't hide the way his expression softened just the tiniest bit.
Aubrey smiled at his reaction but her attention was soon drawn elsewhere as they finally broke into the clearing that held the all too familiar pond.
Before she could make her way to their usual spot, Aubrey turned to Levi.
"Blanket?"
Levi tested the night air around him. The temperature had dropped even further since they'd left the barracks and he was starting to feel a chill creep through his bones.
With a simple nod, he gave his reply.
Aubrey flashed a smile and Levi could clearly see her teeth's pearly reflection in the moonlight.
"Okay, I'll be right back. Stay."
Before he could object, Aubrey was racing away, her feet easily skirting around the edge of the pond. It looked as if she'd done it a thousand times. She probably had.
Levi once again took in the sight of the pond. It truly was the most beautiful place he had ever seen. Though he hadn't seen much of the surface, he was still fairly sure that even life above ground didn't offer much more than this.
Disregarding Aubrey's order to 'stay', Levi moved forward, naturally finding his way to the peninsula that had, at some point, become their regular spot.
By the time he'd just begun to sit down, Aubrey was already running out of the cabin.
Levi felt a rush go through him when he saw that she was carrying only one blanket.
He was thrilled, excited even. And yet he was angry, resentful. Why did she have to make it so hard for him to stay away?
They'd put their boundaries in place and yet they seemed to do very little to achieve what they'd been created for in the first place. Every day that went by, Levi could feel his resolve weakening. He'd grown exponentially more attached to her since their creation of their 'rules' and yet, he couldn't bring himself to regret it. Her presence was too comforting, too natural. When he was with her, everything felt so… easy.
"I told you to stay!"
By now, Aubrey had made her way around the pond and arrived at the peninsula.
Levi glared up at her, his emotions still riling beneath the surface. It was best if he kept his thoughts to himself. After all, his feelings for Aubrey didn't really matter. He'd come to complete a mission and it had to be done no matter what.
"I don't take orders from brats."
Aubrey scrunched her face in dislike and let out a groan as she sank to the ground. His stupid nickname was sticking.
As she hit the ground, Aubrey immediately felt a shiver run through her. It was colder out than she'd realized and she was suddenly hurrying to unravel the blanket in her hands.
Her fingers worked nimbly and soon the blanket was unfolded and tossed around her shoulders. For a moment, she felt a bit more comfortable but then the cool air began seeping back into her bones.
Aubrey turned to her right, where Levi was watching her, an eyebrow raised and a very unamused expression on his face.
Aubrey grinned at him and opened her arms as a gesture for him to join her inside the cover of the blanket.
"I could use a little extra warmth if you don't mind."
Levi hesitated. He was still feeling angry, except now his anger was more immediate. It was things like this, things like these gestures and requests that he couldn't possibly refuse her and that brought him closer than he'd ever intended. Why did she have to make it so difficult?
"Tch."
Levi gave in, deciding to let his internal squabble drop. It was taking away more energy than he could spare. For tonight, he would take the easy route.
Sliding across the ground in a way that seemed entirely too graceful, Aubrey suppressed her smile as she felt him join her within the folds of the blanket. She'd only grabbed one, knowing full well what that meant, and yet, somehow, she hadn't been able to stop herself.
Levi's warmth instantly forced the chill out of Aubrey's body and the flames that burned wherever they touched were enough to keep her toasty no matter how cold the air got.
Aubrey snuck a glance at her companion. His eyes were to the sky, taking in the beauty of the stars, which always seemed to shine so brightly at the pond.
Aubrey glanced up at them, too, trying to think of something for them to talk about. But, after a few minutes of searching, with no results, she gave up, deciding that there was really no need to speak. Sometimes, she could get just as much enjoyment out of simply being close to Levi as she did from conversing with him.
So, Aubrey turned her head and only asked one question.
"Would you like to lie down?"
Levi cocked an eyebrow.
"Lie down?"
Aubrey nodded, already leaning back onto the grass.
"Yes, my muscles ache too much to be sitting up. If we're going to watch the stars, at least let me lie back."
Levi scrunched his face in disgust as he resisted the pull of the blanket under Aubrey's weight.
"That's disgusting. The ground is filthy."
Aubrey's eyes narrowed and she exhaled sharply. She wasn't feeling particularly patient tonight.
"I don't care."
Before he could do anything to stop her, Aubrey grasped Levi's shoulder and yanked, pulling him toward the ground with her.
"Oi! Dumb brat!"
Levi scrambled on the ground, eventually propping himself up on an elbow.
"There, now all of the filth that's on the ground is already on you so there's no point in getting back up."
Levi's lips pulled back to reveal his blinding teeth.
"That doesn't make any sense, idiot."
Aubrey huffed, crossing her arms over her chest beneath the blanket. Amazingly, it had stayed wrapped securely around the both of them despite Levi's clambering.
"Well, it makes sense to me, so stop being stubborn and just lie down already."
Levi opened his mouth to protest but a dark look from Aubrey was enough to tell him that she wouldn't be changing her mind. Arguing with her would only make things harder and he'd already promised himself the easy route for the night.
"Tch. You really are a brat."
As he spoke, Levi returned to lying fully on the ground, even if he was careful to make sure that there was a layer of blanket between himself and the dirt at all times.
Aubrey eyed him cautiously. She was surprised that her glare had been enough to get Levi to back off. Perhaps he'd seen that she meant business… or perhaps he'd decided that lying on the ground with her wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. Either way, she was grateful that he'd spared her from what would have been a draining round of banter.
Aubrey sighed, trying to relax her tense muscles into the warmth of the blanket. Levi was just inches away from her and while his presence usually excited her, now it was simply calming. If she wasn't careful, she'd fall asleep under the stars.
Aubrey focused on keeping her eyes open. Why was it that the one time she didn't want to sleep, her body decided it was drowsy?
Aubrey kept her gaze on the stars above her, running through the constellations and markers she'd learned as a child. Hopefully it would keep her busy enough to stay awake.
Suddenly, she had an idea. Maybe she'd found something for them to talk about after all.
"Do you know the stars?"
Levi tilted his head toward her, his eyebrows lowering.
"What is there to know? They're stars."
Aubrey chuckled and the sound rang out through the clearing. Her laugh sounded like a bell, high and light.
"I'll take that as a no, then."
Aubrey paused, hesitating before she continued.
"Would you like me to teach you?"
Levi huffed. "Well, first you have to tell me exactly what it is you're going to teach me."
Aubrey smiled at his response. At least he wasn't totally opposed.
"The stars are more than just pretty lights in the sky. They can actually be very useful tools."
Levi cocked an eyebrow at her, though he wasn't sure she saw him. Her eyes were on the sky, scanning and no doubt remembering whatever hidden information she was about to reveal.
"Tools?"
"Yes, tools. The stars are an excellent navigation instrument. I've used them many times outside the walls to recalibrate when we get pushed off course."
There was only a split second before Levi answered her.
"Go on."
Aubrey couldn't contain her grin as she lifted her hand, beginning to point out different stars and their meanings. She explained, in detail, how each star could lead someone to their destination, no compass required.
She ran through the specifics, mentioning how the stars shifted depending on the time of year, but also pointing out the one light that would always lead north, no matter the season.
Eventually, Aubrey ran out of material when it came to the practical use of the sky, and she moved on to the constellations, painting the pictures and connecting the dots before Levi's eyes.
By the time she had finished, Levi thought his head would explode. Heds found the information useful, of course, but what had really interested him was the way Aubrey's face had lit up as she spoke. He'd known she liked the stars, but he'd thought it was a passive enjoyment, not a cultivated interest.
"How do you know all of this?"
Levi instantly regretted asking. Aubrey's face turned dark and her eyes clouded over as some long buried memory resurfaced.
There was a long silence and Levi was beginning to panic. But, just as he opened his mouth to take back his words, Aubrey spoke.
"My father. My father taught me."
Levi stared at her. She'd mentioned her father before, but she'd always remembered him with that same dark, cold expression. To the average person, it may have seemed like grief, perhaps her father had died and it hurt her to remember him. But Levi could see that it was anything but grief. The glint her eyes was not one of sadness, it was pure, hard hatred.
"I see. He seems to have taught you many things. He must be a very knowledgeable man."
Levi thought back to the time when Aubrey had mentioned that her father had taught her to cook. Plus, he had his doubts about her developing her hidden fighting style on her own. If he had to guess, he'd say that her father had taught her that, too. But then there was the time when he'd confronted her about her fake name. She'd said that she didn't wish to be associated with her family. That meant she probably wasn't on good terms with her father. But if he'd taught her so much, why did she hate him so?
Aubrey scoffed and Levi could tell that her mood had turned sour.
"Yes, if my father was anything, he was knowledgeable."
Levi noticed her use of the past tense.
"Was?"
Aubrey turned her cold gaze to him and he suddenly felt the urge reach out to her. He didn't like the look in her eyes. It went against everything he knew about her. That look was unfeeling and lifeless and in the little time Levi had known her, she'd been the exact opposite.
Aubrey easily understood what he was asking her but paused before she responded. She was probably sharing too much, but she knew he would find out eventually. She wasn't quite ready to tell him everything, but surely she could tell him this.
"I say 'was' because we no longer speak and I don't intend to ever speak to him again. He is as good as dead to me." Levi watched Aubrey carefully as she scoffed and took on a bitter expression. "But, knowing him, he'll probably outlive me. That man wouldn't die even if the sky was falling."
The cold of the night air suddenly became very apparent to Aubrey and she felt the shivering set back in. Though, she wasn't entirely sure that it was only the temperature that caused her to tremble.
Levi stared at her for a second longer. He could tell just how… uncomfortable the topic of her father made her. It was like the thought of her father was some kind of parasite that leeched the life from her. When she spoke about him, Levi could see her squirming, desperately trying to break free of the thoughts or memories that refused to leave her alone.
He'd heard enough.
"Let's go back."
Levi stood, extending his hand to Aubrey.
She seemed to realize her switch in disposition and shook her head. With that movement, Levi saw the cloudiness leave her eyes and the familiar light return. He nearly breathed a sigh of relief, but he held it back.
Aubrey took his hand, lifting herself from the ground. She still felt meek and unlike herself, but she'd shaken the overbearing memories that had resurfaced. Now, she just had to ride out the side-effects.
"I'll just put this away, then."
Aubrey gripped the blanket a bit more tightly than necessary in her hands but Levi simply nodded, rooting himself to the spot where he would wait for her.
Aubrey gave him one last look before shuffling off to the cabin.
The walk back to the barracks was silent but peaceful. Both parties were lost in their own thoughts as their feet padded against the dirt. A lot had occurred, more than either of them could really process and so, eventually, they gave up, settling into a calm and tranquil walk through the night.
It was just what Aubrey had needed.
Thinking about her father had no doubt left her shaken but the chill of the air had cleared her head somewhat and, as they neared her door, she could finally feel herself returning to normal.
Levi stopped beside her and Aubrey glanced at him, trying to gauge his feelings. They hadn't spoken since they left the pond and she knew that he'd probably been thinking about the information she'd told him. He'd looked at her so intensely when she'd spoken about her father, like he was trying to look right into her mind.
"Thank you for walking with me again. Your company is greatly appreciated."
Aubrey tried to keep her voice light and was surprised when it actually sounded genuine. Levi must have fallen for it too, because she saw his shoulder relax just the tiniest bit and felt the atmosphere shift.
Levi simply nodded, not sure what to say.
Aubrey felt the pause in their conversation and quickly filled the gap.
"Well, come back tomorrow and I can teach you some more about the stars. I'm pretty sure that my crash course won't stick in your brain for very long. Next time, I'll take it a bit slower."
Aubrey added a wink at the end of her speech and Levi glowered at her.
"I can keep up just fine, thank you."
Aubrey rolled her eyes.
"Alright, soldier. Whatever you say."
There was another pause and Aubrey finally felt the aching realization that it was time to say goodbye.
With a grief that she was coming to associate only with Levi, Aubrey spoke.
"Goodnight, Levi."
"Goodnight, Aubrey."
Then, before she could say anything more, he was walking away, his form getting smaller and smaller as she watched him go. But, if she squinted hard enough, she could swear she saw his hand balled up so tightly that the skin was stretched white across his knuckles.
It wasn't until he was completely out of sight that Aubrey realized she'd been doing the exact same thing.
A/N: Yo! I'm back with another chapter and it's another long one! Yay! I think there will be one or two more chapters after this and then we'll be moving on to the expedition! I feel like I've probably said that three times already but I PROMISE that this time it's for real. We're almost there!
Anyway, lots of background hints in this chapter! Yes, (Y/N) has daddy issues… but we'll get into that later. Just wait a little while longer and everything will make sense. But, for right now, I'm curious if anyone has any guesses about (Y/N)'s background? It just makes me happy to read about what you guys are thinking as you read. So, leave a comment if you have ideas!
Also, I wanted to ask another question regarding the ENTIRE story. Do you feel like (Y/N) and Levi's relationship was developed realistically? I really wanted to focus on making a real connection between the two characters before they fell in love and, since we are now nearing the end of the "falling in love" phase, I was wondering what you all thought? Was there anything that I wrote that you thought was too much? Was there something I didn't write that you wish I would have? - If that's the case, leave a comment and I might add it in later in the story :) –
So, let me know what you thought of this chapter! I felt like this one turned out pretty well and I'm happy that I'm going to get to move on to the next "phase" soon.
If you've made it this far into the story and you've read the author's notes, then you KNOW how I feel about comments. Leave one or die. Okay, thanks. I love you. Bye.
