A/N: Hello. I planned to have this one up yesterday, and then got so caught up working on the next chapter for You'll Get It And Be Gone that I completely forgot about it until I was tucked in bed. I am sorry for the delay on this one, but here it is now! Hopefully, the next chapter of YGIABG will be completed very soon as well. Thank you for your patience with this one... and as always, thank you for your reviews on the last chapter, I can not wait to see what you think of this one.

Dawson

The sound of Jesse's low wines wake me from my peaceful slumber. I stretch as much as I can from within the safe cocoon of Matt's arms. My back was pressed tightly to his bare chest, no space left between us with his arm wrapped around me and holding me to him. Our legs were tangled together, and I knew there was no way I was getting out of this position without waking Matt.

Before I can force myself away Matt's grip on me is tightening and a hum of consciousness is leaving him. "Morning." I murmur softly, a smile falling onto my lips at his half-awake state.

He squeezes me impossibly close; I swallow thickly at the feel of him wrapped around me. Matt kisses my bare shoulder where my tank top has moved before snuggling his head into my neck and humming a morning back to me.

Jesse's cries have quieted for the most part, only a few whines of discontent leaving him here and there. Like a warning that he knew we were awake and was giving us only a few minutes before his full cries continued. I let myself be content in Matt's tight embrace for a few minutes more, enjoying these quiet moments with him more than anything.

Cries soon fill the room once more and I pat Matt's arm, letting him know I need up. "I can get him." He murmurs, going to roll over, but I stop him quickly.

"I got him." I assure him. Carefully disentangling our limbs and crawling out of bed to get Jesse.

Matt stretches, letting out a groan as his muscles wake up. I pick Jesse out of his crib and hold him against me. "Morning, sweet pea." I rock gently on my heels, Jesse soon quieting with the soothing motion.

"You sure you don't want me to get him?" Matt questions. "It's your first day back, I can let you sleep in." He offers.

I smile at him, thankful for the offer, but now more than ever just wanting to soak up all the extra time I could get with Jesse before our 24-hour shift. "I'm good, Matt. You should go back to sleep. I've got him."

Matt smiles knowingly, clearly reading between the lines that I needed some extra time with our boy this morning as he settles back down into bed and I move to the door and head to Jesse's room with him. He was currently content to just be held in my arms, but I knew he would be wanting to eat soon.

I press a kiss to the top of his head, breathing him in. Jesse was a little over a week shy of four months old, and he was growing like a weed. He was still small, but so damn handsome and he was making me so proud with all the milestones he was hitting as his four months approached.

He was so close to rolling over during tummy time. Every day he got a little closer, and I was hit with the realization that today could be the day he got it, and if it was... I wouldn't be here for it. I do my best to shake that thought off, determined to think of the positives and focus all my energy on having a great morning with Jesse.

I flip on his lamp and decide to change him first since he seems to be content enough to not need to eat right away. I change his full diaper, Jesse kicking happily as he chews on his hand, content to lay on his changing table.

I get him into a new diaper and a new onesie before I pick him back up and settle back into the rocking chair.

Jesse stairs up at me and I can't help but smile, my throat growing thick as I looked into his beautiful blue eyes.

"Hi, sweet boy." Jesse smiles lightly, looking up in interest as I spoke to him. "Momma has to go back to work today." He coo's softly, still staring up at me as he kicks his little legs, I smile at her excited reaction. "Yeah, I get to go back to work with Daddy and uncle Severide today. I know that is something new for us, huh?"

I press a sweet kiss to his cheek earning a soft squeal of delight from the happy baby and elating a watery chuckle from myself, a heaviness settles into my chest.

"Ms. Bonnie will be here in a couple hours, and she is going to take such good care of you today, and Mommy and Daddy will be home tomorrow morning. Mommy can't wait to spend all day long snuggling with you." I force myself to take a breath and clear the thickness in my throat. Jesse still stares at me with those same blue eyes full of love and wonder.

"I promise you; Momma will always do absolutely everything she can to come home to you every single shift. I love you so much sweet pea. So much."

I had spent the rest of my morning with Jesse in the rocker, feeding him and then snuggling him close as he slept. It was almost seven when Matt was forced to pull me from the room so I could shower and get ready for shift. Jesse slept the whole time, as I raced around to get ready. Matt, Kelly, and myself all dressed in our shift clothes already. I think all of us were preparing ourselves for a long morning and knowing we may not make it to shift in time to change there like we normally did.

Now I paced up and down our bedroom, Jesse tucked against me as I snuggled him close and enjoyed every last bit of his cuddles before I was officially back to work.

Connie had arrived 15 minutes ago; Matt was getting her settled in while I continued to wear a hole in our bedroom floor with Jesse in my arms. Retiring to the bedroom for a little more privacy. Jesse was awake, but he was only fighting off sleep at this point, clearly more than ready for a second round of napping as he had only woken up earlier because I had picked him up. Though waking him while sleeping was against my better judgment, all normal rules were out the window today.

Matt steps into the bedroom, leaning against the door frame and offering me a gentle smile as I continued my pacing-rocking-motion with Jesse.

"How are you doing?" He asks, his voice quiet and sympathetic.

I blow out a breath, rubbing my hand along Jesse's soft curls.

"I don't know if I am ready for this." I sigh softly, my nerves getting the better of me.

Matt steps in front of me, resting his hands on my shoulders and stopping my pacing. "He is going to be perfectly fine, and so are you." He starts softly, rubbing his hands soothingly up and down my arms.

I sigh, taking a deep breath.

Matt looks me over one last time, eyeing me cautiously.

"Gabby, I can call Boden right now, tell him you need another week or two... just say the word." He tells me, his voice sure.

I tilt me head, taking in his words, a small smile gracing my lips. Matt Casey was the greatest man I knew, and every single day he proved that to me more and more.

I shake my head, more confident in my decision just from having his eyes on me. "No. I'm good." I tell him, his smile now matching mine. "I'm ready... I'm just going to miss him so much."

His eyes move down to Jesse, running his hand over the baby's arm. "I wish I could tell you it gets easier. But when we come home in the morning, getting to see him, the little smile on his face... makes it all worth it."

I grin, Matt's words giving me all the fond memories of Matt walking through the door after shift and Jesse's squeals of happiness and wild eyes at seeing his father, though the baby was still too young to fully understand what was going on, his happiness at seeing his father very much clear. It was my favorite part of the day.

"That does sound pretty great." I concede. Matt and I's eyes meet and I have to take a deep breath as I get lost in the deep pools of blue.

Things had been going well for us. We had kept up our commitment to talking openly with each other and working on any issues that came up. Our communication was about as good as it could possibly get, better than it ever had been before. It was great... it was all great... but I still missed him.

I missed us, and I wasn't sure how much longer we could drag this out. We had truly resolved our issues. We were communicating. The only thing holding us back was this "trial period" we had set for ourselves with me going back to work.

I still agreed it was a good idea. I still wanted to see how much had actually changed and if we could keep up our communication when it actually stood up to a test. That didn't mean holding myself back from Matt was any easier. Everything was so natural with us; it always had been. Now that we were in such an amazing place it only made that natural chemistry stronger and we had both been on the receiving end of having to hold ourselves back from stepping too far. Many of our lingering looks lasting longer than before, both of us having to shake it off and move along before we got caught in a compromising position that we had sworn we wouldn't.

Clear heads, that was what we needed to make this Candidate and Lieutenant situation we found ourselves in once again to work.

Severide knocks gently on our door frame, pulling us both from our stare. He pauses, looking between us before smirking, "We should probably head out here soon." He reminds us, forcing me to look at the alarm clock on the nightstand. The time shining back at me letting me know his words to be true. We needed to leave soon if we were going to be making it to work on time.

I sigh softly, my eyes trailing down to the nearly sleeping baby in my arms, his eyes still fighting off the will to completely fall into the slumber.

Matt turns back to Severide. "We'll be right there." He confirms.

He turns his attention back to me, running a hand up and down my arms, forcing my eyes back up to him. The smile on his face is a reassuring one that I can't help but match.

"Ready." I nod and cradle Jesse's little body close, pressing multiple kisses to his head as Matt grabs our shift bags and slings them over each shoulder.

Bonnie offers me a reassuring smile and sympathetic eyes as I move into the living room behind Matt.

I kiss Jesse one last time and whisper a goodbye before I lay him down in his little rocking seat, he stretches, but settles back in without a fuss. I thank Bonnie once more and am moving to the door, unable to look back or I know I will be taking Matt up on his offer to call Chief and sending Bonnie home.

Severide is already at the door, offering an encouraging smile and squeezing my shoulder. "Come on Candidate, don't want to be late for your second first day." He teases lightly, breaking the heavy feeling that had settled into my gut and forcing me to smile despite the tears I was desperately trying to fight off.

This was more than just leaving Jesse for one shift. This was the start of how life would be from now on. This was the start of me getting back to work, and I knew once it started, there was no going back. I was ready for this. I was. Though it did not make leaving Jesse any easier.

Matt catches up to us a moment later and throws an arm over my shoulder, and I let myself be pulled into his side. He presses a kiss to the top of my head. "Yeah candidate, can't have you late to work. I hear your Lieutenant is a real stickler for attendance." He jokes, and I hear Kelly laughing behind us.

I shake my head at them, the smile they both had brought to my face, despite the difficult situation of leaving Jesse, was unmoving. It was hard to dwell and be sad when I had these two practically ensuring I was anything but.

When we get to work, I can feel my nerves bubbling in my stomach, but as I set eyes on the firehouse my excitement soars. I had been away from work for months. It was crazy to think about but it had been nearly nine months away from my 51 family, at least in a work capacity, and I truly was excited to be back with them.

When we walk into the garage, I am surprised to find it empty, but decide not to dwell as I move through to the double doors, Kelly and Matt trailing behind me. I smile brightly when I see the majority of the gang milling around the room.

"Hey, guys." I greet, hoping to pull their attention, but they barely move their eyes up to me.

"Oh, hey, Dawson." Otis greets casually, not looking up from his plate of food... while no one else moves.

I feel myself deflate, my smile and excitement faltering. I wasn't expecting any grand party, but the guys had all been more excited to see me on random visits than they seemed to be now and I was trying my best to brush off their lack of enthusiasm.

I'm about to turn back to Matt and Kelly when laughter and cheers have me turning back. Brett, Hermann, and Boden all coming from the conference room with a white banner that has "Welcome Back Dawson!" and "We missed you!" written across it. The rest of the house now breaking into smiles as well instead of the blank faces they previously had.

I'm soon surrounded by the entirety of my 51 family and being passed around for greeting and hugs and I cannot wipe the smiles off my face or the feeling of complete contentment.

"Guys, you shouldn't have." I hear Mouch scoff at my words.

"Please, I saw your face when you walked in. Of course, we had to." He teases, before squeezing my shoulder. "Happy to have you back, kid."

I give him a quick hug, thanking him, before he is heading back to the couch. Hermann scoops me up in a hug next. "Damn, am I happy to have you back, kiddo." He whispers in my ear and I smile brightly.

"Thanks, Hermann."

He pulls back, leaving his hands on my shoulder. "You ready to get back at it?" He questions, looking me over thoughtfully.

I give him a look I hope is reassuring, "I'm ready."

He grins, apparently agreeing with me. "Yeah, you are." He looks back to the kitchen. "Now, we got Brett to make your favorite for breakfast today, but lunch? That's all on you Candidate." He teases, I push his arm away laughing.

"You got it."

Casey

Gabby's first day back had been pretty uneventful so far and other than a minor traffic accident and a small kitchen fire we hadn't been out of the house yet today.

Hermann had taken advantage of the lack of calls and got right back into his mentorship with Dawson as if she had never left. The two had spent the majority of the afternoon out in the garage or on the hanger running drills and I knew Gabby had to be exhausted. She was being a good sport, and I could tell she was even enjoying getting back into work, but after hours of drills, cooking lunch, and the two calls we had been on; I knew she was exhausted and I could not blame her.

After spending nearly two hours working on paperwork, I finally make my way into the common room finding the majority of the house out milling around the area. Mouch is on the couch, per usual. Brett and Kidd were sat at the small table, clearly deep in conversation. Squad was out on a call they had received almost an hour ago. Most of Engine was sat around the large table with the majority of Truck sat amongst them. I notice Gabby and Hermann both missing and know they were likely still running drills outside so I make my way through the double doors.

Squad is just pulling up the drive when I step outside and find Hermann and Gabby heading inside. Gabby is carrying two houses on each shoulder back to the truck, Hermann following behind with a few traffic cones. Her face is dirty and sweat covered, and I can see the exhausted look in her eyes and do my best to offer a reassuring smile.

I look back up to Hermann as Dawson moves past me to put the hoses away and Hermann stops beside me. "All done?" I question.

"For now." Hermann comments and I raise a brow. "Figured a little break couldn't hurt." He says thoughtfully, clearly seeing just how worn-down Gabby was getting from the day.

I offer him a nod as Gabby walks back to us. With her bunker gear now hung up and no longer hiding her I could see her shirt soaked with sweat and smirk. "Great work out their Candidate." I tease lightly.

Hermann smirks. "Like she never left." He comments before heading to put the cones in his arms away and heading inside.

"Need something, Lieutenant?" She asks, and I shake my head.

"Nope, just coming to check on you." Gabby smiles tilting her head to the side and looking me over thoughtfully.

"As my Lieutenant, or as Matt?" She quips, her smile growing.

Running my tongue along my bottom lip I grin. "Both?"

She chuckles, "Well, Lieutenant, I am doing great." She teases before running her hand along her brow, wiping the remaining moisture away on her sleeve. "...as for, Matt? I am completely exhausted."

I laugh, squeezing her shoulder as we both turn to head into the firehouse. Gabby pauses in the doorway, looking herself over and nodding down the hall. "I uh, I'm going to go shower quick." She wrinkles her nose up in discontent, clearly unimpressed by her own appearance. "Be back out in a bit."

I nod watching her walk down the hall before heading for the coffee pot, getting met by Severide as he comes through the double doors.

"How was the call?" I ask to which he shrugs.

"Same old, same old." He says simply.

He looks around, "Where's Dawson?"

"Showers."

"Ah, Lieutenant Hermann over there giving her a hard time?" He teases, gaining the older man's attention.

"Oh, ha-ha. There is nothing wrong with a few extra drills on your first day back." He defends.

Severide scoffs, "A few? You hit a few this afternoon." He teases.

Hermann rolls his eyes, waiving the Lieutenant off. "That's easy for you to say when Squad gets as many calls in week as Truck gets in a shift. She's got to be ready."

Severide shakes his head, sharing a grin with me before taking a sip of his coffee. "Trust me, Hermann. She is ready." Hermann raises a brow, challenging Severide and I shake my head now and cross my arms, waiting for this to continue. Both these men were about as protective of Gabby as anyone could get and I know this was all in a good nature so I can't help but sit back and listen as Severide finally continues. "Dawson may have been out for months, but the last few months she has done nothing but take care of the baby and work her ass off to get back in shape. She spends more time at the fire academy than anyone I know running smoke and stair drills and she sure as hell can race me up and down a track." He admits and I can't help but laugh.

All eyes go on me immediately. I shrug, remembering fondly the past couple weeks of Gabby and Kelly making bets of who could race the other and it resulting it more than just that one week's worth of dishes for Kelly. Some laundry and dirty diapers had been thrown in as well once they had seemingly maxed out the dish's quota.

"It's true." I say simply, taking another sip of my coffee. Hermann looks at us both skeptically, clearly unsure whether to believe our words to be true.

I knew to some extent; Kelly challenging Gabby had been to keep her on her toes and push herself. Which it had worked. Their competitive nature getting involved had initially started with Severide trying to push her to be her best... but it had quickly turned into Gabby actually beating Severide out in multiple areas. Now their continued competitive streak was more so for Kelly to actually win against her. Which more times than not, wasn't happening. I was honestly surprised to hear him admitting it to the house, but I was sure their lack of confidence at his words was partially why he was admitting it at all.

Letting the two continue to rib each other I move down the hall intent on getting the remaining paperwork I had left completed. When I make my way into the hall of the bunkroom, I am surprised to see my blinds all drawn and my door shut to my office. It definitely was not how I had left it.

When I walk through the door, I can't help the large smile that falls on my lips.

Gabby had finished her shower, her hair still up in the high bun she must have done to keep it dry and a fresh uniform on. I assumed she had come to my office for the privacy so she could pump, but she hadn't made it that far. The bag that I knew contained all of her breast pump supplies was open on the bed beside her, but Gabby was passed out curled in a ball with her phone by her side.

Clearly the exhaustion she had been feeling had taken over in the short time she had been out of the shower.

I can't help but take my phone from my pocket and snap a picture, smiling softly as I look it over before setting my phone on my desk and decide to let Gabby sleep while I finish up the work I had come to do.

It's about an hour in that I hear movement from the bed and turn to see Gabby slowly pushing herself up, rubbing at her eyes and looking around in confusion.

"Welcome back, sleepyhead." I tease, her heavy eyes snapping to me.

She scrubs her hands over her face. "How long was I out?"

I finally turn in my seat and take her in fully. "Little over an hour."

Gabby nods, going to open her mouth and stopping her hand coming to rest on her chest and a grimace covering her face. I look at her in confusion for a moment before my eyes fall to the pump still laying on the bed. I wince slightly, taking in Gabby's near pained face at this point.

"Assuming you haven't gotten a chance to do that yet today?" I question needlessly, the look on her face giving me all the answers I needed.

Gabby nods, already digging through the bag in front of her and getting the pump set up. "Yeah, I came in here for the privacy, the nap was unplanned."

I nod, watching her as she moves the machine around and tries to get situated, the grimace never leaving her face. "You alright?" I ask, knowing just how uncomfortable this could be for her. Gabby had been blessed with a healthy supply of milk, and though she had used the pump more and more often as we tried to get Jesse used to the bottle, it had come with a learning curve. Gabby's chest filling uncomfortably if she didn't either pump or feed Jesse within a reasonable time. Knowing that it had been nearly 8 hours since we got to work, I couldn't imagine how she was currently feeling.

Gabby nods, offering me a reassuring smile. "I'm fine, this just definitely is going to suck." She murmurs and I nod understandingly.

"Sorry." I tell her, wishing there was more I could do, but this was all her department. "I'll uh, I'll leave you to it." I tell her, standing from my desk and moving toward the door. Gabby nods, already making work of her t-shirt and untucking the material, "Just uh, just holler if you need help." I joke. Gabby rolls her eyes, throwing my pillow at me as I dodge it, and throw it back to her before ducking out of the office with a grin on my face.

The learning curve that had come with Gabby getting used to the breast pump had involved one certain instance when Gabby had waited too long before pumping, and Jesse had been sound asleep. Gabby had been in tears by the time I woke up and stepped into the bathroom. Her chest far too sensitive and nearly in pain at this point when I found her. After a quick google search it was then we had learned what "hand expressing breast milk" was... and though we had barely been able to look at each other the rest of the day. We had accomplished the task and Gabby was able to make it through the rest of the morning till Jesse woke up to eat.

We hadn't mentioned it since, Gabby not letting it get to that point, but I couldn't help teasing her now and from the blush that had risen to her cheeks I knew she was aware of exactly what I was talking about.

I head for the common room, but notice Severide in his office and instead decide to head that way. I walk in and settle myself down on his bed, crossing my arms behind my head and crossing my ankles.

"You and Hermann finish your battle of who loves Dawson more?" I tease, watching as his back shakes with the laugh he lets out, he turns in his seat sparing me a glance before looking back at his paperwork.

"Shut up. You're just jealous we all can admit our love for her out loud." He quips.

I shoot the back of his head a glare. He had me there.

Severide turns back to me, raising a brow and waiting for my response, clearly expecting me to fight him more. "Wow, no argument. Have we seen the light yet?" He teases.

I roll my eyes. "There is no light to see, Sev."

Severide fully turns his chair now, looking at me curiously. "Go on."

Shaking my head, I run a hand along my scalp, feeling a mild headache starting to settle there. "Gabby and I both know what we want. We want to be together. Of course, we do. We've made that pretty clear." I sigh. "We just told ourselves we'd wait. We would get through these two months and make sure this was something we could handle, working together again, in this situation especially... it was the real thing that broke us up before and maybe its dumb of us to throw ourselves back into it, but I also can't imagine us moving past it all fully unless we can prove to ourselves that we are strong enough to make the hardest parts work."

Severide nods, looking me over thoughtfully. "You know, you and Gabby sound like a broken record." My brows furrow.

"Has she said something?" I ask quickly, my interest peaked.

He simply shrugs, I knew anything she said in confidence Severide wasn't about to share with me. He had become just as much Gabby's friend as he had mine and I knew though we were both putting him in the middle in a lot of ways, he would always stick to his loyalty of both of us.

"No more than you." He says, not lowering my interest at all. "I get what you two are doing, Casey. I do. Hell, I even respect it. You two taking your time, working through your issues, doing what's best for you both individually and together. It's real adult of the two of you. But I think you are both kidding yourselves by thinking holding out the inevitable for two more months is the healthiest thing for you. I mean it's only her first shift back and you are already losing your mind."

"I'm not losing my mind." I quickly counter.

The squad lieutenant shakes his head, turning back to his desk. "Listen, all I am saying is, you two idiots love each other, you want to be together. Quit making it so damn difficult."

I sit up on the bed. Resting my hands on my thighs. "You're right." I tell him, running my tongue along my bottom lip. Severide turns back now. "You are right, but its more than just that now. Even if we both wanted to stop the waiting and get back together, we would be right back in the same situation we were in over a year ago. We'd be stuck hiding our relationship from everyone. We made it clear to the Chief that we could handle this, and we made it clear to ourselves that we could. Getting any deeper feelings than we already have involved is just asking for trouble... and I-..." I swallow thickly, finally meeting Kelly's eyes.

"I love her too much to screw this up again. I know a lot of our issues from before were because of me not being able to separate it all. That's still hard to do even now, you know? Sending her into harm's way is never going to be easy, but being able to dissociate the two while we haven't taken any further steps? It makes it easier. I can't go back to kissing her one minute and sending her into a fire the next. Of course, I want to be with Gabby, I always have... but this choice is bigger than just the two of us. It's for the house, it's for her career... and it's for Jesse too. If we can't figure out this balance, then we have no business being together. Jesse deserves a hell of a lot better than the people we turned into last time we were in this position."

Severide nods, offering me a small smile.

"Like I said, I get it. I respect it. At the end of the day, it's only you two that can make the decision of when and if you get back together. I'm just here to listen to you both bitch about it till the day you do." He teases and I can't help but laugh.

I go to say more, but the bells are going off and interrupting my words, calling all companies to a high-rise fire downtown. Severide and I both hop up, heading to his door, we are barely through it when Gabby comes flying out of my office to catch up, tucking her shirt in, in the process while the three of us head to the garage.

"Feel better?"

Gabby nods, as we head through the garage doors towards the rig. "So much better."

I nod. "Alright. Let's do this, Candidate." Gabby smiles brightly, having pulled on her bunker gear and hopping into the back of the Truck. It had been months, and yet, as we pulled out of the garage and up to the scene, it felt like no time had passed at all as we fell back into these rolls better than before.

Dawson

When we pull up to the apartment the next morning, I am out of the car as quickly as I can possibly be and I don't bother turning around even as I hear Kelly and Matt snickering behind me.

I barely make it through the back fence before I hear the two of them catching up to me and after pushing the key into the lock of the back door I open it with ease. I leave it hanging open, knowing the two them were not far behind me when I enter, my eyes immediately shifting around in search of my boy.

I find Bonnie in the kitchen, a cup of coffee in one hand and a knowing grin on her face. I barely get a "Good morning," out before she is pointing in the direction of the living room. I offer her a quick smile before setting my shift bag down and rushing into the next room. Jesse is in his rocker, the music playing and his feet kicking while he looks up with wide eyes at the toys that hang from the top of it. He is so content, and I very briefly contemplate not disturbing him, but dismiss that just as quickly as it comes.

I needed a moment to hold him and remember why the hell I had ever decided to go back to work, Matt's promise of the look in Jesse's eyes every time he came home from shift being the best feeling in the world was about the only thing that had me not packing up my bags early yesterday and coming home to Jesse.

I slowly move over to the bouncer and settle down onto the floor in front of him. I click the off button on the rocker and it slowly comes to a stop, the music stopping as well. Jesse looks around for a moment, his confusion and discontent at having his toy stopped clear.

"Good morning, sweet pea." I say softly, watching as Jesse's eyes snap from the toy to my face. A smile filling his little face and his legs picking speed back up as he kicks happily once more. "Hi, hi sweet boy." I grin, my own voice holding a new excitement at his reaction. Jesse squeals, loudly, and I chuckle, quickly moving to unstrap him and pick him up.

I hold him up high, earning another squeal, before cradling and rocking him close. I press a kiss to the top of his head. "Momma missed you so much, sweet pea."

I pull him back enough to look at his face and the look on his face as he stares up at me is one, I don't think I will ever tire of. It's one of those looks where my heart just sores, where I know he is just content and happy and comforted by just having me near. By having his mom holding him.

I press a kiss to his cheek, pulling back once more to see the little grin on his face as he stares more.

Movement out of the corner of my eye catches my attention and I see Matt walk into the room, a knowing grin on his face.

"Hey." I say softly, still sat cross-legged on the floor with Jesse.

Matt walks over, his smile unmoving. "Hi." He looks us over. "You good?"

I smile brightly, snuggling Jesse closer and running a hand over his back. "Perfect. You were right." I tell him softly, my eyes shining with the happiness I felt. Matt looks at me questioningly. "Best feeling in the world." I tell him.

Matt grins, his pearly whites on full display as he nods. "Yeah, it is. Never gets old either." He crouches down beside me, running a hand over Jesse's back. "Hey, buddy." Jesse's little head whips around, a new grin falling on his lips as he wiggles in my arms, taking in his Daddy.

I laugh, that happy feeling filling my chest with a warmth that I hoped to hold on to forever.

"Who is that?" I question, Jesse letting out another noise of happiness. "Oh yeah? Is that your daddy?" I ask him, watching as he smacks his hand against my chest, wiggling a little more.

I look back to Matt, his blue eyes moving from our boy and back to me, that loving look settling there and not wavering... I didn't think it ever would.

"We should probably go talk to Bonnie, see how it went before she heads out." Matt tells me and I nod, letting him help me and Jesse up off the floor as we move back into the kitchen finding Bonnie and Kelly both nursing a cup of coffee.

Kelly grins. "Feel better?" He questions, taking in the baby I was holding close, not willing to let him go anytime soon.

I nod, pressing another kiss to Jesse's curly light brown hair. Kelly bids Bonnie a quick goodbye, before heading to his room to change. I had rushed us all out of the firehouse this morning, wanting to get home to Jesse as quickly as possible and leaving us all no time to change into our civilian clothes before leaving shift.

Jesse is relaxed in my arms, his earlier excitement dwindling as he rests with his head on my chest, just content to be held and snuggled.

"How'd he do?" I ask, Bonnie looks up from where she had been rinsing her coffee cup out in the sink.

"Honestly, he did great." She says, her smile bright and relieving some of the tension I had been carrying. "We had some fussing last night taking the bottle, which was to be expected, but I think right now he is still young enough to not realize just how much time is passing while you guys are on shift. So, he did really great."

I smile, looking down at Jesse, his eyes getting heavy as I bounced lightly on my feet.

"That's good to hear." Matt finally responds. "We're glad he didn't give you any trouble."

Bonnie waves him off. "Please, he is the happiest baby. His idea of trouble is nothing." She tells us, earning a laugh from us both before she is off collecting her things. Matt and I bid her goodbye, expressing our gratitude once more before letting her know we would see her in a couple days.

After Bonnie leaves, I move around with Jesse, the little man falling asleep nearly immediately. The cuddles and slow rocking enough to lull him into an early nap after the bottle Bonnie had given him right before we got home.

I move into the bedroom and can hear the shower running in the bathroom and know Matt must be in there. I settle Jesse down in his bassinet and make quick work of my uniform, more than ready to be into some comfortable clothes and out of the clothes I had lived in for the past 24 hours.

I settle on a pair of shorts and an old worn CFD shirt of Matt's that I knew he had been given right out of the academy, not long after he arrived at 51. The faded letters and Truck 81 seal a dead giveaway.

My first shift had started out uneventful for the most part. We'd only had a few calls, the majority of them minor save for our call to the high-rise fire last night.

We had spent half our night out at that fire. An apartment building was fully involved by the time we rolled up. Matt, Hermann, and I all had taken the top floor with Squad and worked down. Walking into the fire, it had felt like no time passed at all. It had felt right, being back inside a burning building, knocking down doors, carrying people out. It reminded me why I wanted to do this job, to begin with. It reminded me why I had fought so hard for this.

I had been on Hermann's hip the entire call, Matt and I only really interacting when he had given me and Hermann orders to follow him inside to the top floor, and again when we had carried a family out together. We had no issues, no arguments, no running rogue on calls. It had been good, and it gave me the confidence that we could do this.

I know one call, one shift for that matter, changed nothing. This was day one, we still had nearly 60 days left of this... not that I was counting, of course.

Even if this was just day one, it still left me with hope that this would all work out. I had fallen back into my role like no time had passed, let alone months, and it felt amazing to be back in my bunker gear with my halogen in hand.

"Damn good job today, Candidate."

Matt's teasing words pull me from my thought and I turn to see him coming out of the bathroom. The sweatpants he had pulled on hanging low on his hips and his bare chest still glistening with water droplets from his shower, his hair tousled carelessly from the towel that he had in his one hand.

I have to stop myself from biting my lip at the sight of him. Who the hell did he think he was looking that amazing?

I smirk at his words, "Yeah well, I have a pretty great Lieutenant that leads the way for me."

Matt grins, "Is that so?" He asks, the tone in his voice letting me know he was loving this, and I can't help but tease him back.

I nod. "Mhm. Hermann really is the best there is."

Matt's face instantly drops, his lips twisting in discontent as he scoffs and I can't help but laugh loudly. Doing everything I can to control my giggles as not to wake up Jesse.

He throws the towel he had been holding at me, and I do my best to dodge it, the wet linen hitting my thigh before falling to the ground.

"Mean." Matt throws my way, picking the towel I threw back at him up and tossing it into the hamper before coming to stand by me at the dresser.

"Poor baby." I tease, sparing a glance at him through the mirror before turning to face him. "It was a good shift, I will admit. My Lieutenant, really is the best." I say once more, the teasing gone from my words as I meet his eyes.

Matt stares down at me. His blue eyes shining bright. "Hmm. Good to know. My Candidate really impressed the hell out of me today, like she never left." He says, his words soft and sincere and drawing me in.

I can feel my heart beating in my ears. My blood pumping fast at his proximity alone let alone the low husk of his voice. I think about how easy it would be to kiss him, to throw caution to the wind and just make the move that we were holding back from. His blue eyes were a shade darker, his pink lips so inviting, as they always had been. I missed his lips on mine, his hands on me. I missed him so damn much, I could barely think straight.

Between just missing Matt because he was Matt, missing us, missing our relationship, and missing intimacy in general... it had been well over a year now since the last time Matt and I had been together and I was nearly losing my mind just from that alone, and it wasn't like I got a lot of privacy living with both Matt and Kelly. The drought that was my love life was feeling unbearable lately. More than anything else, although all of it was difficult... I just missed Matt and I missed getting to fully be ourselves with each other. We still had a sense of intimacy in the fact that we never shied away from being close to the other. Hugs and kisses to the head and cheek were a regular occurrence. Snuggling up on the couch or holding each other at night to fall asleep was a daily occurrence. But it ended there... and dear God did I miss the continuation that would normally happen with us.

I can feel my resolve weakening, my defenses letting go; Matt's blue eyes staring back at me enough to disarm me completely. We both lean forward, I let my eyes slipped closed, the anticipation nearly killing me; before we are both jumping apart. The ringing of Matt's cell phone a shock to both our systems. Matt whips around, letting out a string of curses as he rushes to get it and shut the noise off before it can wake our son.

I let out a shaky breath, trying to calm myself, but it's of no use. My mind clouded with the thoughts of what would have just happened.

Jesse's whimpers soon pull me out of that dangerous territory and I am moving to him, picking him up and rocking him back to sleep as I hear Matt in the other room talking to whoever just interrupted whatever that had been.