Chapter 38: Running Away

Severus spent the walk back to The Leaky Cauldron in a semi-haze. His uncle ended their conversation by telling Severus to let him handle things with Sabine and his father, but how was he supposed to do that? If his father found out how to get around Luminis Praesidium, everything would go back to the way it was.

No. It'll be worse. He'll want to make up for lost time, he thought, stepping into the Leaky Cauldron's fireplace to Floo home. His chest tightened, the weight of the realization causing panic to well up from the pit of his stomach. He opened his mouth to gulp in air, but instead got a lungful of hot ash, inflaming his panic even further. When he finally tumbled out of the grate at Spinner's End, he fell to his knees, alternately coughing and gulping in deep breaths.

A letter lay on the floor in front of the hearth. It was addressed to him, the handwriting unmistakable. Lucius. Severus snatched the letter and struggled to his feet as his brother and uncle arrived. He slipped the envelope into his pocket before Sebastian noticed it, then hurried up to his room to tear it open.

Severus,

As promised, consider this an official request to join us at Malfoy Manor for the remainder of the summer. Father and I are eager to start your social education. We'll be prepared to welcome you as early as tomorrow. Send an owl back to let us know when you plan to Floo over.

It's going to be an eye-opening summer, Severus. And you're going to love it.

~Lucius

Severus gave another errant cough. This was quicker than he'd expected.

What does 'social education' mean, anyway? It sounded like he was going to be dragged to parties all summer and forced to talk to people he either didn't know or didn't care about.

It'd still be better than here. Anywhere would.

And whatever it was the Malfoys were planning for this 'social education', it surely wouldn't take up every minute of his day. If nothing else, he could at least scour Abraxas's library for mention of Luminis Praesidium. Despite Melison's protestations that there were no books on the subject, his uncle had to have found out about it somewhere. Abraxas had some of the most obscure books Severus had ever seen. If he could find information anywhere, it would be there.

He grabbed a piece of parchment and a quill and scrawled out a response, telling Lucius he'd be there on Friday morning. No point in sticking around after Lily had gone.

Kenoa had no sooner flown out the window with his message than his uncle's voice sounded behind him.

"The Malfoys wasted no time in claiming you, then?" Sebastian leaned against the doorframe to Severus's room, cool hazel eyes on his nephew.

Severus met his gaze. "They haven't claimed me. It was an invitation. I accepted."

"Without speaking to your mother first?"

Severus shrugged. "She's not here. Besides, she's not going to care. Not after today."

Sebastian tilted his head. "Why? What happened today?"

Severus hesitated. Would his uncle even believe him? He hardly believed it, and he'd been there. "We argued," he said instead.

"Your mother loves you, boy. An argument doesn't change that."

Hot anger boiled inside of him. Love? She didn't love him. Her actions that morning were enough proof of that. "She said she didn't know anything about Sabine and Luminis Praesidium. How could she not know? So I called out her lies, and—" His hand went to his cheek of its own volition, though he couldn't feel the stinging anymore.

Sebastian straightened, a frown tugging at his mouth. "She struck you?"

An embarrassed warmth spread up Severus's neck. He was thirteen, and he'd been hit before. But not by her. He turned away and shrugged. It didn't hurt much."

"She didn't say anything," Sebastian muttered. He took a step forward. "Severus, it doesn't mean she wants you to go. Everyone loses their temper every now and again."

Anger enveloped the embarrassment, squashing it down. "I know plenty of people whose parents yell when they're angry. That's what everyone does. This—this isn't normal. And it's more reason to go to Lucius's. Lily and her family leave on Friday; nobody here really wants me to stick around more than I have to, including me."

"I do. I want you to stick around," Steven's voice wavered from the doorway.

"You're meant to be in bed, boy," Sebastian said.

"I was. But you were making too much noise. Are you really leaving already, Severus?"

"Friday," Severus said, trying to ignore the stricken look on his brother's face.

"But you only just got back. You haven't told me anything about last term—"

"Just go back to bed, Steven," Severus said. "We'll stop talking so you can sleep."

Steven's lower lip trembled.

Oh, hell. Severus glanced around his room and grabbed the first schoolbook he could find.

"Here," he said, thrusting the book into his brother's hands. "You can look at my Charms book, all right?"

Steven looked from the book to Severus and clutched it to his chest. "Will you tell me about Hogwarts, too?"

"There's nothing to tell," Severus said with an impatient grunt. "It's school. That's all. It's better than here."

Steven's grip on the book tightened, and he blinked his eyes rapidly to hold back tears. "But there's ghosts, and you have friends, right? I mean, more than just Lily?" His voice was wistful.

Guilt stabbed through Severus's chest. He'd at least had Lily before Hogwarts. Steven had nobody. He felt his uncle's gaze on him, but he refused to give him the satisfaction of turning around.

"Yeah, there are ghosts," he said. "If I tell you about the Bloody Baron, will you go to sleep?"

Steven's eyes lit up, and he nodded.

"Fine. Go get back in bed."

Steven raced back to his room. Sebastian stopped Severus from following with an outstretched arm.

"When you stop and look, boy, it's clear how much your brother wants you here. Needs you here."

"He needs to make some friends," Severus said. "But nobody in this house much cares about that, do they?"

He pushed past his uncle and went into Steven's room and spent the next two hours regaling his brother with stories about the ghosts of Hogwarts until Steven finally fell asleep.

Severus crept back to his own room, sighing as he laid on his bed. He toyed with the idea of asking Lucius if he could bring Steven along, but pushed it aside quickly. Having Steven there would be distracting. And he didn't think Abraxas would be even half as tolerant as Severus was about Steven's incessant questions.

He shook his head and closed his eyes. One day to get through before he could leave the guilt behind.

#

"Leaving?" his mother asked at breakfast the next morning.

"Tomorrow morning. It's all set with the Malfoys," Severus said.

"It's a bit soon, isn't it?"

Severus glared at her, idly bringing his fingertips to his cheek. "Not soon enough, actually."

Her jaw tightened, but she didn't mention the argument. "Then you'll spend today with your brother."

Steven sat up in his chair, eyes wide with excitement. "Ooh! You can tell me about—"

"No, I'm spending the day with Lily. She leaves on holiday with her family tomorrow."

"You'll take your brother with you, or you'll stay in the house." She didn't look at him when she spoke, all her attention focused on Sabine. There was a soft smile on her face—an expression he'd never noticed directed at him. He wanted to refuse. This was his last day with Lily for the whole summer. He didn't want his little brother tagging along.

Severus shot a look at Steven. His face shone, his eyes glued on his older brother, waiting. Hopeful. Severus growled. "Fine. But don't be a pest."

"I won't. Thank you, Severus! Can we go down to the river and look for frogs? You use frogspawn in Potions, don't you? We could gather some. I know where there's a whole bunch of them."

He kept chattering as Severus pushed away from the table and went outside. Severus rolled his eyes at Lily's quizzical look when they arrived, but couldn't get an explanation out before Steven started to speak.

"Hullo, Lily! Mum made Severus bring me along, since he's leaving tomorrow as well. Are you excited to go on Holiday?"

"Hi, Steven. Yes, I'm looking forward to going somewhere new." She looked at Severus. "Tomorrow?"

Severus shrugged. "I figured if you weren't here to make it bearable, I might as well go too."

"Just—" she glanced at Steven, "—remember what we talked about yesterday, okay?"

Severus sighed. "Yeah."

"So where are we going?" Steven asked. "To the playground?"

"Sure," Severus said.

HIs head was pounding by lunchtime. Steven hadn't stopped talking since they left Lily's house.

"We could tell him we're playing hide and seek and make him hide," Severus muttered to Lily. "And never go look for him."

She nudged his shoulder and smiled. "He's not that bad. He's just excited to spend time with you."

"Don't you start, too."

"I'm not starting anything."

"Severus?" Steven asked, turning and walking backward so he could see them. "What's Malfoy Manor like when there aren't a lot of people there?"

"It doesn't change because there are less people," Severus said.

"But I mean—I don't remember much from the party I went to. I remember the walls were gold—"

Lily smirked and looked at Severus. "The walls are gold?"

"No, they're not. He doesn't remember. They had gold on some of the dishes," he corrected. "The walls are just walls. But Abraxas has a library that takes up more room than our entire second floor, and you can get turned around if you're not sure where you're going."

"And they have a house-elf," Steven said to Lily, his voice dripping with awe. "Did you know that?"

Lily shot a look to Severus. "I'm not surprised." The disdain was evident, even to Steven.

"What's wrong with house-elves?" he asked.

"People tend not to treat them very well," Lily said. "I'm sure Lucius and his father would never mistreat a servant, though." Her voice was hard, and Severus picked up the sarcasm. Steven, however, did not.

"Probably not, or Severus wouldn't want to go over there so much, right Severus?"

Severus grunted.

"Is the house as scary in the daytime as it is at night?"

"It isn't scary at night."

"Yes it is. It looks like a monster with burning eyes at night. I was scared it was going to eat me."

Severus rolled his eyes again. "It's a house, Steven. It's not alive."

"It's a centuries-old wizard's house," Lily said. "It could be alive." She grinned at Severus's glare.

"Exactly! You should be careful, Severus."

"The house isn't alive," he said again. "And it isn't scary. You were there once; you don't remember anything."

"I remember being scared," Steven said. "I definitely remember that."

Severus shook his head. "You're always scared of something."

"You mentioned frogspawn earlier, Steven," Lily said, elbowing Severus. "Why don't you show us the spot you had in mind?"

Steven grinned and nodded, tearing off toward the river.

"He's going to want to collect all of it," Severus warned.

"So let him, if it makes him happy."

"You think a phial of it smells bad, try a cauldron-full," Severus said.

Lily grinned. "I won't have to smell it very long,"

Severus let a smile escape. "Maybe I'll hide it all in his room before I go. By the time he finds it, it'll be so rotten he'll never want to stockpile it again."

But Steven didn't seem to want to hang on to the smelly mess he was skimming from the river. When Severus and Lily caught up to him, he turned and grinned, gripping handfuls of the frogspawn.

"I've got loads already!" he called out. "Here!" A glob of wet, green goo hurtled toward them. Severus was too surprised to react—it hit him square in the face.

Steven giggled. Lily snorted. Severus wiped the mess from his face and scowled. Anger surged through him. He'd agreed to let Steven follow them around, not make him look ridiculous.

"That's the first time in a while anyone's gotten the upper hand on you," Lily said with a grin.

"Not for long," Severus muttered, scooping a handful of his own and hurtling it toward his brother. It hit him with such force that Steven was knocked backward into the shallow mud of the river bed.

Severus's chest tightened as he and Lily rushed over to his brother. He hadn't meant to hit him so hard. But when they got to Steven's side, he was already getting to his feet, giggling even more, tossing another glob of muck at them.

They spent the rest of the afternoon getting thoroughly soaked and dirty. As they tromped back toward Spinner's End, leaving a path of frogspawn and mud in their wake, Severus felt good. For an entire afternoon, he'd allowed himself to just be a kid, with nothing weighing down his thoughts. It made for a nice change.

Steven grinned and threw his arms around Lily when they reached the intersection between their houses. "Bye, Lily! Have a good holiday!"

The squelching sound of the river muck being rubbed into her clothes even more than it already was caused Severus's lip to curl up in a one-sided smile. Lily sighed and hugged Steven back.

"Goodbye, Steven. I'll see you at the end of August." She turned to Severus. "And you?"

Severus waited until Steven skipped off inside the house before he answered. "I could see if Lucius and Abraxas would invite you for dinner or something."

"Ugh, no thanks." She pulled a clump of frogspawn from her hair and tossed it at him with a grin. "This was fun today."

He dodged the projectile and grinned back. "Yeah. It was."

"And you thought Steven was going to be a pest."

"He was until I knocked him in the mud."

Lily shook her head, still smiling. "Well, maybe a bit. Write to me, okay? I don't know if I'll be able to find an Owl Post down there. It's probably going to be an epically Muggle kind of trip."

"At least it's not here."

"True. But you'll write? You promise?"

The memory of the day they met sprang to his mind; the day he'd told Lily she was a witch and sworn her to secrecy. He held up his little finger and smirked. "Pinky promise. I'll send Kenoa tomorrow night."

Lily hooked her pinky onto his. "Good. Now it's unbreakable." She sighed, her smile losing some of its joy. "Goodbye, Sev."

A jolt of loss ripped through him. He and Lily hadn't spent more than a week or two apart since they'd met. It was going to be weird, not having her there to talk to. Emotion threatened to choke off his words. "'Bye," he managed. "Have a good summer."

"You, too. And Severus—let Steven know you enjoyed having him around, okay?" She gave him a quick hug after he nodded, and headed toward her house.

The mention of Steven brought his guilt over leaving for Malfoy Manor back in force.

I have every right to visit Lucius. And, as he'd told himself last night, Steven would only irritate Abraxas and maybe ruin the chance that Severus would be allowed back.

No, he was going to Malfoy Manor. And Steven would stay at Spinner's End. That was all there was to it.

#

Severus lugged his trunk down the stairs the next morning—his mother refused to help him get it downstairs to help him 'run away' as she called it—Kenoa squawking in irritation with every bump that rattled his cage. Steven followed just behind, his wails ringing through the house. If Severus had been able to do magic outside of school, he'd have already cast something to muffle his brother's sobs.

"But I thought we had fun yesterday!" Steven cried.

Severus clamped his jaw down. "We did. That doesn't change anything."

"Can't I come with you, then? Please? Mum, it'd be all right, wouldn't it?"

Their mother stood at the foot of the stairs, Sabine in one arm. She didn't meet either of her sons' eyes. "You haven't been invited."

"I don't care!" Steven said. "I thought we'd have all summer again. I don't want you to go, Severus!"

Severus dropped his trunk as he reached the ground floor and wiped the sweat from his face with his sleeve. "You have to make friends, Steven. What do you do all year when I'm not here? Sit in your room?"

"I've tried to talk to the Muggle kids at the playground." Steven sniffled. "But they think I'm weird."

"You are weird." Severus meant it as a joke, to try to lighten the mood, but Steven's lower lip quivered even more.

Damnit, damnit, damnit.

"You can still write to me," Severus said, reaching up for the Floo Powder. His hand closed around air—it was gone. He jerked his head to his mother. She wore a satisfied smirk.

"It's not the same!" Steven said. "You can write to Lucius, can't you? Tell him you changed your mind?"

"I haven't bloody changed my mind," Severus said, annoyed at the lot of them. Even Sabine, with her silent staring as she now stood clinging to his mother's leg for support. "I'm going. Where's the Floo Powder?"

"We're clean out, I'm afraid. I haven't been able to get down to Diagon Alley for more."

"You went out this week," Severus said through clenched teeth. "And there was plenty there last night."

"Well, I suppose—where are you going?"

Severus grabbed the handle of his trunk and heaved it behind him, dragging it out the front door. His mother followed on his heels, calling after him. He ignored her, his entire body tensed with anger.

Why did she suddenly care about where he went? She'd never as much as blinked any of the other times he'd gone to Malfoy Manor. Ever since Sabine had been born, she'd been ambivalent about his presence—except for the other day, when she'd struck him.

Let her scream at me from the doorway. The Evanses can drop me at the Leaky Cauldron on their way to the train station. At least they won't have hidden their Floo Powder.

His mother stopped him before he cleared the front step with a subtle immobilizing spell.

Severus seethed as she approached him, Sabine once again balanced on her hip.

"If this is because of what happened the other day—I'm sorry, Severus. It never should have happened."

Severus wanted to grunt, but couldn't do even that under the spell. Instead, he did his best to glare at her. She met his eyes.

Wait, are those tears?

"I won't force you to stay, as much as I think you should. Merlin knows you deserve time with your friend. But you're not leaving without breakfast. Come back inside." She lifted the spell and waited.

Sabine leaned over and reached for him. His mother encouraged it, letting the toddler grab on to Severus's shirt and forcing him to awkwardly accept her weight. Sabine giggled and bounced in his arms, reaching for his hair.

"Mum, take her," he grumbled, holding her out at arms' length.

His mother grabbed his trunk instead. "Set her on her feet and let her hold your hands while you walk if you don't want to carry her." She turned and went back into the house, leaving Severus with Sabine.

He growled as the baby giggled again, her eyes focusing on him. An inexplicable tug at his heart made his frown grow. It wasn't her fault she'd been born, or that she had this gift.

"I guess you're not that bad," he muttered. "And you got him out of the house, didn't you?" Severus exhaled slowly. "I'm going to make sure he can't get to you. I promise."

Sabine shrieked and giggled again.

Severus winced. "Walking it is." He put her down facing the house, and she grabbed for his fingers, setting off as soon as her tiny hands closed around them.

Steven stood in the entry, his eyes wide as they approached.

"You're staying?" he asked, hope evident in his tone.

"No, Love," his mother said from behind him. She smoothed his hair with one hand and turned away. "Come and have breakfast."

Severus watched his mother all through breakfast, though he noted she was studiously avoiding his stare. His mind whirred. The affection she'd shown Steven wasn't usual, either. Everything was muddled and confused. He needed to leave, if only to study the events of the week from a comfortable distance.

He avoided looking at his brother as he finished gulping down his food. He stood and cleared his place. "So I can go now?"

His mother sighed. "Floo Powder's in the bottom cupboard."

Severus was to the fireplace, powder in hand, before she rose from the table. Before Steven could start crying again, he threw a pinch into the fire, grabbed his trunk, and stepped into the green flames.

He emerged into the hall of Malfoy Manor with a lighter step, his arm aching from clinging to his trunk. Kenoa's wings beat against the cage in irritation.

Mikin bowed to him. "Master has been waiting for Severus Snape. Master is—"

"We were beginning to think you'd changed your mind," Lucius said from the doorway. "That'll be all, Mikin. Take Severus's trunk to his room."

The house-elf sneered at Lucius. "Master is wanting Severus Snape in his office. Master does not like waiting."

"Then I'll take him up," Lucius said. "Now do as I say and take his trunk."

Mikin curled his lip again, then snapped his fingers and disappeared with Severus's trunk.

"Father just wants to go through what's expected for your visit. We've a lot to do, and not much time to do it in. What kept you, anyway? Your father?" he asked, leading Severus out of the hall and up towards Abraxas's office.

"No. Steven made a scene about me leaving, and Mum forced me to have breakfast with them before I left."

He expected Lucius to sneer and make a cutting remark about his brother. Instead, a sad half-smile crept onto his face. "I remember doing the same every time my brother left for Hogwarts." Lucius looked at him without turning his head. "If he proves as capable as you, I don't doubt he'll be joining us soon enough."

Severus shook his head. "All he does is follow me around and pester me with questions," he said.

"Then why do you look so guilty?"

Severus chided himself. He was almost a full Occlumens now. He had to start making his face more inscrutable. "He's my brother. And I leave him alone in that house nearly all year now."

"He has your mother and sister."

He chuckled humorlessly. "Sabine is no company—she's only just learning to walk. And Mum—" he cleared his throat. "Mum mainly focuses on Sabine." Or she did. He thought of the comforting gesture of her hand over his brother's hair that morning. Severus shook his head to rid himself of the thought. One conversation about Steven needing him around and an out-of-character endearment didn't make up for years of apathy. His fists clenched.

Lucius raised an eyebrow. "Well. Perhaps we'll include him at the Christmas party this year. He can start to make the right connections, too."

Severus relaxed his hands. With so many other children there, Steven would be sure to find at least one friend, and not have to rely on Severus for company. "I think he'd like that, even though he did tell me he thought last time that the house was going to eat him."

Lucius laughed. "Tell him we'll make sure to feed it properly before he gets here."

They stopped outside the closed door to the office. Lucius knocked, pushing open the door when a muffled 'Enter' sounded.

The office was stuffy; Severus found it hard to breathe, but he wasn't sure if it was from the closeness of the walls, or the proximity of Abraxas. Sitting behind his desk, his cool grey eyes flicking up to the boys as they entered, he exuded an air of dangerous unpredictability.

Has that always been there? Or do I just think it's there now because of what I know? The same paralyzing dread that had come over him at the apothecary in Diagon Alley two days ago raced back. He stood in front of a man who'd casually orchestrated at least two murders. Severus swallowed the lump of fear and forced a smile at Abraxas's greeting.

"It's good you responded so promptly, Severus. As Lucius no doubt advised you, we've a lot of work ahead of us this visit. Your social education has been woefully neglected, and we're in a position to rectify that. Starting now. Get cleaned up and changed; we've a luncheon in an hour."

"A luncheon, sir?"

"Was I unclear?" Abraxas's voice was even, but his stare had cooled further.

Severus shook his head quickly.

"Good. You and Lucius will attend. As silent observers. Is that understood?"

Severus shot Lucius a look. His friend nodded. "He understands, Father. We'll be down before they arrive."

"Good." Abraxas waved a dismissive hand. "Welcome back, Severus."

"Thank you for having me, sir," Severus managed to stammer out before Lucius ushered him from the room.

"Lucius, I don't have anything nicer than my school robes—"

"Father's taken care of it. You'll have a set of dress robes in your wardrobe. Now listen to me—he is not mucking about when he says silent, right? He'll introduce you, talk you up, and then they'll go about whatever business they have. You're only to speak if spoken to."

Severus bristled. "That doesn't sound very interesting."

Lucius's eyes glittered as a smirk slowly spread across his face. "Sometimes it isn't. But sometimes, there's a drop or two of very interesting information. Keep your mouth shut and your ears open, Severus, and you'll get more than just a social education this summer."

Lucius clapped him on the back and disappeared into his own room.

Severus frowned. Just what did that mean?

A/N: Shout out to my beta, the fantabulous to2llyuntraceable, who always finds something to tweak to make everything so much better.