"I had the most wonderful dream," Kakashi murmured drowsily and buried his face into Sakura's hair with a content little sigh.

Half asleep, Sakura snuggled closer to the source of solid warmth at her back.

"A dream?" Sakura yawned, "uhm... just in case you're referring to me telling you I'd move in with you - that wasn't a dream."

"What?" he lifted his head abruptly.

"What I just said," she turned a little towards him, looking into his startled eyes. "Is it really that hard to believe?"

"Not… a dream?"

His fingers shook a little as they traversed the skin of her shoulders and arm in an absent-minded caress. Goosebumps sprang up under his touch and a wave of excitement coursed through her. She was - she almost giggled loudly at the realization and the word in her head - extraordinarily horny this morning.

"But it is some strange Genjutsu…?"

Sakura shook her head in exasperation. "Seriously. What do I need to do for you to believe me? Give it to you in writing?"

The exploration of his fingers stalled.

"You are naked," he observed and bent over for a visual confirmation, his breath tickling her ear a little.

"Yup," she shuddered some more in anticipation of what was to come. "I'm a little cold though, want to take off your pyjamas too?"

Everything in her backpack had gotten wet in last night's downpour. After Kakashi had fallen asleep like a log, she had looked at his face like a creepy stalker for a while and had then unpacked everything, carefully putting each item over the radiators to dry before slipping under the covers with him. Naked.

But instead of embracing her nakedness with his usual eagerness like she had expected he would, he remained stiff and frozen, his breathing quick and shallow. Suddenly unsure whether she had made a mistake, she turned around to have a better look at him, finding the room too dark to read his face.

A gnawing sense of dread came over her. She wished fervently for him to continue his caresses - her insecurities tended to go away when they made love - but whatever was on Kakashi's mind, it clearly wasn't lustful thoughts.

Her heart sank.

Too pushy. Much too pushy, dammit, had she learned nothing from throwing herself at a man without an invitation and maybe even against his wishes? Tenacious or stubborn was one way of expressing it - crazy and clingy another. What was wrong with her?

It was very quiet apart from the sound of the rain outside, a steady swoosh of water on Konoha's rooftops. It was like Kakashi had stopped breathing altogether as he faced her.

Tell me if you don't want me here, her inner voice started sputtering. No, don't tell me!

She shifted a little, torn between moving backwards towards him or edging forward away from him.

"I'm sorry," he said, shaken out of his stupor by her tiny movements, so quietly she could barely understand him. "But I'm terrified."

Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh shit. Out! Just out! She would run back to the hospital and hide in her tiny room forever. How could she have thought she had the right to decide this without him! How could she be so stupid, every single time, how could she mess up again, why was she…

But he reached forward to pull her towards his chest. "It has nothing to do with you," he said, tightening his arms, "don't doubt yourself. I… it's just… I'm..."

Now that he held her very close, she felt a tremor in his body. Why? Why was he afraid like this? Some guys… can't commit, she had heard this many times, from Tsunade, from others who knew him well, Kakashi is like the wind, he is not the type to settle down. She was pushing him too hard against his nature.

It was so like her to think she had the power to change a man. Sakura wanted to cry, but she wasn't a girl whose self-pity drove her to desperate, humiliating acts anymore. She'd behave like an adult. No scene. No sobbing. No clinging. No problem, was it. They could continue seeing each other like before, it was good enough.

"Okay," she said, trying to sound unemotional, but her voice shook anyway.

"I… I am not rejecting you, Sakura," Kakashi tried to explain.

He had a hard time because of her clinginess, well done, stupid cow, she chided herself.

"I want you here very much, even if I can't believe it's really true. It's just…," he took a deep breath, then another. "I'm terrified it will all be taken from me once I accept it. Like everything else, every single time," he whispered, his voice heavy with emotions.

Oh god. So like her to almost misunderstand him completely.

Her heart suddenly overflowing, she turned around in his arms. "Kakashi…," she whispered, lifting her hand to touch his cheek. How could she have forgotten even for a moment what horrible burdens he carried. How could she have forgotten that his past had left deep scars that would potentially never heal. How could she have made this about herself and her own inadequacies.

"Yes," he whispered, grabbing her fingers hard like a drowning person.

"Kakashi," she said again, "it's okay."

She leaned forward to kiss and soothe him, to show him she was there to help him. She understood what he was saying even if she couldn't know exactly what he must be feeling. A life full of terrible blows, one sad thing after another, losing his mother, his father, his friends... He was one of the strongest people she knew but she would never think it had been easy to get up again and again to walk on.

"I understand," she told him, suddenly almost giddy with happiness that she did, "but you can learn to see your life in a different light. If you focus not on the sadness, but on the good in it."

"You are the good in it," he said breathless, "and I'm so afraid to…," he faltered and swallowed. "Dammit."

"To lose me?"

He nodded and pressed her to himself with trembling arms.

"Dummy," she said tenderly against his chest, "I'll stick to you like glue from now on. And don't you know that thinking only of what we may lose is no way to live? Wouldn't it mean never to form ties and stay away from everybody?"

"It's what I should have done," he said bitterly.

"What nonsense," she disagreed.

"I bring bad luck," he pressed out.

"Okay," she pushed him away from her a little. "Stop. You won't think these kind of thoughts ever again, do you hear me? I am going to nag you to the moon and back if you do."

"But I don't want you to be implicated with me, to be tarnished…"

"Oh for goodness sake, sometimes you really talk like an old man!" Sakura exclaimed and wasn't quite sure whether to laugh or scream. "I'm fully capable of making my own decisions. I would like to live with you, but if it's too much, too soon… it's okay. I get it. But I will not let you push me away because you want to protect me!"

"I'm… I'm a mess," he sighed. "I never thought that… that I would… betray…"

"About that," Sakura said, "stop beating yourself up over something that's way beyond your direct control."

She sighed. Her silly body had hoped for a distraction before the seriousness of the world came crashing in on them again. How very selfish. When he was eaten up by guilt like this and she should do everything in her power to make it go away.

"Micha gave me Kabuto's notes, about his experiments," she informed him, "there's many pages missing, but damn, we didn't even know the half of it."

He said nothing but tightened his arms around her, burying his face against her neck.

"I'm not saying you didn't make wrong choices along the road of life," she said, "but I'm pretty sure somebody else made sure those were the only choices you had."

"What?" he said. He sounded cautious, as if he were afraid to hope too soon that things weren't as bad as he thought they were.

"Do we get up now?" she asked.

"What time is it?" he asked back.

"Don't know," she said, "don't care. It's Sunday."

"Sunday…," he didn't sound happy about it.

"Don't tell me you work on Sundays too?"

"Sometimes," he admitted, "but actually, Sunday is… I normally meet Naruto and Sasuke for Taijutsu practice before lunch. But I guess that won't be happening anymore."

He sounded so sad that Sakura felt her heart clench painfully.

"Naruto will see reason before long. And Sasuke… he'll get over it too."

"Over what exactly?" Kakashi said and sat up, leaning his back against the wall. "He's in danger. Because of me. He has every right to kill me at first sight."

"Nobody kills anyone," Sakura grumbled, "whatever these assholes did to you, I'm going to reverse it. Sasuke seems happy enough to bite and lick Karin, he can continue doing that for as long as he likes. And I can choose whomever I want, we're not living in the middle ages anymore."

"You have to talk to him," Kakashi said, still sounding sad. "I can't see him. I… it wouldn't be good."

"They won't let me into those facilities, I don't have the clearance."

"They will let you in if I tell them to let you in. I'm the Hokage."

She chuckled and liked that he sounded a little proud about it. Actually, she wasn't quite used to that yet: Kakashi was the Hokage. She was in bed with the Hokage. A very sexy Hokage.

She sat up too and bent forward to kiss him properly, feeling him relax a little as he reciprocated. Also feeling the firmness of his muscular body as she slipped her hand underneath his pyjama top. Mmmmh, she really was horny. Her nether regions began pulsating needily as she felt his skin, those tight stomach muscles. He pulled her down with him, began to nibble her ear and her neck, brushing his hands against her breasts and she felt his hardness grow against her thighs when they continued kissing passionately.

"I haven't managed… to buy… more condoms," he panted.

"Wait…," she disengaged from him with great reluctance and started fishing for something she had put on the floor last night.

"Here," she said once she had located it and presented it to him.

He squinted hard and felt the box in the dark.

"Luckily, your girlfriend works at the hospital," she chuckled proudly, "we have plenty of supplies."

"That's… a huge box," he said full of awe. "Why don't they sell these at the pharmacy? To humiliate people like me?"

"Could be Tsunade's orders," Sakura laughed.

"True," he replied, moving his hands to her belly, "Konoha's population is still shrinking and I might soon have to resort to evil experiments to fashion armies out of whatever substance is available."

"Kabuto should be able to help you," she chaffed.

"I was rather hoping you would," came his reply. "You'd be extremely sexy as an evil doctor."

Actually, she was planning to go back on birth control pills, now that she was sleeping with Kakashi again, though part of her regretted having to take those hormones. Without them, she was in touch with her own body much more and despite the rather strong mood swings she went through every month, it clearly made her enjoy sex even more than before. Especially right now.

I'm ovulating, she realized, no wonder I feel like jumping his bones.

Adamant to make sure he had a good time too and would stop thinking gloomy thoughts at least for a while, Sakura let go of all restraints. And man, did he like that.

###

"Would you like to train with me instead of Naruto and Sasuke today?" The thought had taken a hold and she was liking it more and more. She had always loved to see him fight.

"With… what? No!"

Kakashi frowned at her across the kitchen table, a piece of pancake halfway to his mouth.

"Ah, and why is that?" she complained. "Do you think it's too easy to beat me?"

"Well…," he continued chewing, "yes."

"Thanks for being blunt as always," she said crossly. Yeah, fine, she got it. She hadn't trained much in the last seven or so years. But that didn't mean she didn't still know the moves! Arrogant bastard.

"I can't hit you," he added. "I'd let you win."

"Oh pleeease," she rolled her eyes at him. "You're being too sentimental. Besides, you wouldn't get to hit me."

Kakashi, who had put on a black shirt and track pants, looked a little sleepy and yummy and desirable and cute with his hair sticking up to all sides, and most importantly, rather happy. Making him happy made her happy, it was a perfect symbiosis. Why did they even have to leave the bed?

"Hm," he had grinned at her after their second round this morning, "are we a little wild today?"

I could eat you up, she thought and smacked her lips because she imagined what parts of him she would like to nibble on.

"I'm feeling better," he declared, reaching for the coffee pot, but she was faster and poured him a cup. He smiled at her. "I'm ready to have a look at those documents."

"Okay," she sighed. That was certainly going to put an end to more sexual fun.

"There's one more pancake," he informed her with a glance towards the stove, "do you want it?"

"No, I need to watch my weight."

"Tssss," he hissed, "I don't condone this. I like to grab soft, curvy things in bed."

"Are you saying I'm…"

"You're perfect the way you are," he said simply, making her heart jiggle happily.

And then, it was time. Sakura got up to grab the bundle of documents that she had put on the table in the living room yesterday. Possessing some foresight, she had wrapped the pages in a plastic bag, which had saved them from getting ruined in the downpour. While she was at it, she checked her clothes - all dry. But she'd leave them on the radiators a little longer because she didn't need them. She was wearing one of Kakashi's sweaters over her panties, feeling strangely happy about it. It was so… girlfriendy to wear your boyfriend's oversize clothes. It smelled like him too and she had refrain herself from sniffing it frequently.

"By the way, what happened to that book?" he asked her when she came back to the kitchen. "That romance book you bought for me."

She had thrown it away broken-hearted, that's what had happened, before she had left Konoha last year - but she couldn't get herself to tell him, so she shrugged.

"I don't know, why do you remember that? Did you like it? I still find it extremely strange you don't hold a book every time I see you."

He sighed. "I did think about it occasionally, yes. I wondered what happens after she finds out he didn't lie to her after all."

"Let me guess," she laughed, "lots and lots of sex."

Her ears started burning at the memory of reading that stuff out loud. Other body parts too. This was getting slightly problematic. Was it normal to constantly think of sex?

"Yeah, but the plot?"

"There was a plot?"

"That is the difference between the good and the bad ones," he lectured her. "It had potential."

"Okay," she pulled a face, "sorry for not recognizing it. I'll buy you another copy."

He shook his head at her half-jokingly and gingerly took Kabuto's notes from her fingers.

"What do I need to expect?" he asked seriously.

"To get angry," she said, "at least, I did. I want to kill that bastard even more now."

###

Sakura's presence in the apartment was a confusing source of solace and anxiety at the same time. She was standing next to him in his oversized jumper, her shapely bare legs sticking out cutely underneath, tempting him to think about moving his hands up the soft, smooth skin to discover what kind of panties she was wearing.

Only a complete fool would not embrace the companionships she was offering. His strong impulse was to be that fool - but he couldn't bear the thought of hurting her when all she wanted was to help him.

Kakashi knew what even the hint of a rejection would set in motion. He knew about her insecurities with regards to her looks and overall abilities and her readiness to blame herself for the woes of the world. The new heights of passion in their lovemaking this morning had not escaped his notice either and while he was still rattled by it in the best of ways, he also understood that she was overcompensating in her desperation to chase his shadows away.

Because she feared for him.

He couldn't deceive someone as perceptive as her. She knew him well enough to realize how broken he was. I know what kind of thoughts you're having. No more! You won't think about drastic measures that involve mortal danger and you won't think your life is useless so that you might as well throw it away, she had told him, her green eyes flashing.

She seemed to be convinced that she could help him while he knew that he was a lost case.

Thus, when Kakashi began to read Kabuto's notes, he quenched all the pointless hope he wanted to feel. He wouldn't let himself hope even for a second that something in them would somehow save him from being the worst kind of traitor - one that acted against the community for his own gain - that maybe, just maybe, the kind of life Sakura offered was possible for someone like him.

Sakura hovered nervously, her eyes on his face, then on the notes, then back to his face.

Kakashi read, but didn't understand.

"Who… who are test subjects number 1, 4, 5 and 7?" he asked, his voice shaking a little. He shouldn't have had so much coffee, he thought, now his stomach hurt.

"I don't know," Sakura said. "But don't you see, there are so many! One must be you, one could be Sasuke, one is probably Rin and this…," she took the pages from his hands and flicked through them until she found what she was looking for, "don't you think this is Karin?"

Kakashi read the passage she indicated.

"Karin…," he murmured. He remembered seeing Karin in the cave, strapped to a chair. Yes, it made sense. "He experimented on Karin."

Uzumaki and Uchiha. It all came down to this, but he couldn't put the pieces of the puzzle together yet, even after so many weeks, months of trying.

"She has some kind of toxin in her skin," Sakura told him about Micha's discovery the day before, about Sasuke's transformation as a result of it.

He started reading from the beginning, still unable to understand what it meant. These experiments had been going on for a long time, much longer than seven years. It looked like he was test subject number 7, the last? Kabuto had lured him in through the soldier enhancement program started by Tsunade, the offer with the Sharingan had come later, without Tsunade's knowledge.

"Shit," he cursed, biting his lips. He remembered, though not too clearly, how he had felt after the war. Depressed, that was the word a doctor like Sakura would use. He should have realized how vulnerable that made him.

"Kabuto continued his experiments with Karin here in Konoha," Sakura said, "at least it looks like it. He somehow gathered that stuff from her skin until he had enough to inject Sasuke with it."

Kakashi remembered finding Nurun and Karin in the lab, seemingly under the influence of drugs, going at it like rabbits.

"How is it harvested?" he asked cautiously.

"I'm not sure," Sakura shrugged, "but I guess it could be isolated from the blood of an afflicted person."

As her doctor, Nurun had taken advantage of Karin like this? Disgusting.

"I'm suspecting it's a strong aphrodisiac", he mused, remembering their faces, "working both ways."

"Oh," Sakura said, sounding disgusted herself. She must be thinking about Sasuke and Karin, Kakashi realized, which made him acutely uncomfortable. The most tireless love machine, he had sworn Sakura would never hear about it.

"It's addictive," she added with a grimace. "Highly so."

That explains why Sasuke went back to Karin again and again, Kakashi thought.

"And still, he walked away from her and married you," Kakashi tried to console her and could have hit himself as he saw Sakura's shocked face. He had thought she'd uncovered some of the details by now, but apparently, she hadn't.

"It's, er… Karin told me in the Land of Water," Kakashi quickly added, "she was very unhappy about it and..."

"What exactly did she tell you?" Sakura asked coldly.

"Uhm… how she and Sasuke… you know…", his voice trailed off and he grabbed his cup in an attempt to stop this particular conversation. It was empty.

"No, I don't know," Sakura said, her eyes angry slits when he looked at her, "Sasuke has refused to admit to anything, but maybe you can illuminate me? Or will you try to protect him like you always do."

"He probably doesn't remember about it," Kakashi said, realizing when her anger flared up that he had indeed instinctively moved to defend Sasuke's misstep.

"Because he was too high on a woman's aphrodisiac skin toxin," Sakura snorted, "come on, tell me. I want to know. It must have gone on for a long time while he was 'dating' me, am I right?"

"She just said he came back after the war a few times before he married you and didn't come anymore after that. And… apparently, he talked about you all the time."

"He never loved me," Sakura said quietly, as if she was speaking to herself, "knowing him, he hated being addicted to her and needed someone to help him get over it. Me. Stupid, clingy me. Available."

"Don't do this to yourself," Kakashi said. "Of course he loves you."

"You don't need to lie to me to make me feel better," Sakura said, "it's futile. You saw how indifferent he was to me all those years. And you were there when he… tried to kill me. I know about abusive relationships, Kakashi, I've treated women's physical wounds too many times not to know. You want to hear what always got to me the most? How they would try to find excuses for those assholes. How they would go back to these men. How they would believe… they would believe they could change them - through the power of their love."

"Sasuke would never…," he faltered. If he had been only two seconds later, Sasuke would have killed Sakura that day.

"Would never hurt me?" Sakura laughed bitterly. "You think someone who would kill a person in cold blood, only didn't because someone intervened like you did, would not do it again? It's possible he just never physically hurt me afterwards because he wasn't around enough. I don't believe he isn't capable of it."

Kakashi gnawed his lip, squirming helplessly. It wasn't a conversation he wanted to have.

"I really do believe you mean the world to Sasuke, Sakura. I just think he… he just cannot show it. And since we're having this conversation, I guess it's time for me to tell you that this… this between us, it makes me feel damn guilty. I can suppress it, but it's always there."

"And yet you believe that you're someone who agreed to a plot to kill Sasuke," she shot at him. "You. You who always takes his side even when his guilt is there to see for everyone."

"Yes. I remember several conversations that prove it."

"With?"

"Kabuto."

"That serum has to be taken more than once. I doubt you remember everything."

"Maybe not," he agreed unhappily. "But even so… I appreciate your belief in me but…"

"It's not that," she cut him off angrily. "Even if I didn't care for you like I do, your condemnation of yourself is premature. You read the notes! You must have realized there are more questions than answers!"

"But that… that doesn't mean…", unanswered questions don't mean I'm innocent. I agreed to it. I know I did.

"If you know everything, tell me what the Noharas want."

"To eliminate the threat to them."

"Uchihas and Uzumakis?"

"Yes," Kakashi nodded.

"And yet, they want Sarada alive? Why?"

"She's… neither. Or both. It's about her blood, the combination is more than the sum of the two. I think?"

"It makes no sense, okay?" Sakura almost yelled at him now and he blinked at her helplessly. "Why would they want to kill the last source of pure Uchiha blood if they need that blood?"

"They don't need it anymore now that Sarada has been born. She is enough."

"For what?"

"I…," he sighed. "Listen, I don't know, okay? I'm still trying to find out."

"Then stop blaming yourself, you idiot!" now she really was yelling. "Do you still take those pills?"

Kakashi nodded. "Yes, but different ones."

"Stop immediately."

Kakashi held his breath briefly. "Last time, that could have ended badly," he then said.

"This time, I'm here and I have a serum. We will remove this evil thing from your body, step by step. And at the same time, I will help you get to the bottom of this. Frankly, I don't trust your memories."

"What?" he almost laughed. "This has been about my goddamn memories from the beginning. It's what got you involved in the first place. And after your serum, I finally remember everything. How can you say you don't trust them?"

"Because I discovered something the second time I was inside your mind. When I met little brat-Kakashi, I also found evidence there that someone might have tampered with the seals in your head. For a variety of reasons, I dismissed it at the time and then forgot."

"What?"

"Tags on the door. There were at least five different symbols and the tags had two colors: blue and red. I don't remember the details, but there was an imbalance, an even and uneven number."

"That… that seems like information you should have shared with me earlier?" Kakashi's stomach hurt even more now. Those were his mind chambers, where he had locked his most precious, his most hurtful, his most dangerous memories. Who had had access to them?

But no. He wouldn't start hoping. He wouldn't. He knew what he knew and it was bad.

"Will you let me inside your head again?" Sakura looked tense as she asked.

"I gave you the key, didn't I? No need to even ask."

That gave her pause and he saw how she balled her hands into fists briefly and took a few deep breaths.

"I think they fooled you real good," she said quietly. "I think someone knows how to tamper with memories. I think this goes much further back than you think. I think it's all a lie."

It was possible. It was also where hope was, but he couldn't let himself go there. If he hoped now and it turned out to be false, he would not be able to recover from the blow. He just… didn't have the strength anymore.

###

They tried to talk about banal things afterwards but it didn't quite work out, it felt awkward and tense to him. She showered and got dressed properly after doing the dishes together. Silence descended shortly after. He knew it was his job to break it because Sakura surely hadn't come to his place to be drowned by his depression, but Kakashi felt burdened by everything, even by thoughts about how to spend this Sunday, the day in the week he had come to particularly enjoy thanks to those friendly sparring matches with Naruto and Sasuke.

They were both sitting on the couch, reading. Well, Sakura was reading, he was secretly watching her, thinking he didn't deserve someone like her, then thinking she would scold him for these thoughts. Rightfully so, maybe. Even if he didn't deserve her, if she wanted to be here with him, he should let her and on top, make it worth her while.

Suddenly, there was a sound outside the door and her perked up. Was that a suppressed giggle?

He looked over to Sakura.

"Hm?" she lifted her eyes from the book, blinking innocently.

"There's someone at the door," he said.

"You've got good ears for an old man," she smiled.

He lifted his eyebrows at her. How could he have missed it? She knew exactly who it was and she had been waiting for this person to arrive for quite some time now. Could it be…

"Why don't you go open?" she suggested just as there was a loud knock.

It was Sarada, beaming across her entire face, trying hard to stand still instead of jumping up and down. Behind her stood Kaeru, grinning with Ichika next to him, smiling shily.

"Hokage-sama," Kaeru saluted, "I bring Uchiha Sarada to see her legal warden."

"Come in," Kakashi stuttered, stepping aside to let his new guests in.

"Uncle Kakashi," Sarada said when she had put her coat away and had slipped out of her boots, "Uncle Kakashi, can I show you all the jutsu I learned?"

"Sure," he said, feeling… blindsided and stupid and at the same time like he wanted to grin like the biggest fool at everyone. Of course, Sakura had signed those adoption papers, she had custody over Sarada and as long as Sakura stayed with him, Sarada would also visit.

"No chakra use inside the house!" Sakura said sharply and Sarada looked at him with big, frightened eyes until she saw that he smiled and it wasn't serious at a...

"We can go to one of the training grounds," Kakashi suggested to the girl, "and you can show me everything you've learned. It has even stopped raining just for us."

"A good idea," Sakura said, sounding smug, "then I'll show you how to kick your Uncle Kakashi's ass, Sarada."

"Ohhhhh," Sarada was impressed, "can you beat him, Auntie Sakura? Are you that strong?"

"Of course," she boasted and flipped her hair, throwing him a challenging look. Kakashi just shook his head at her, thinking she would get her chance and she would fail miserably.

"Someone go downstairs to fetch Micha," Kakashi said, liking the approval in Sakura's eyes.

It was the most fun he had had in a long time. Of course none of them stood a chance against him, but after Kaeru, Sarada and Sakura formed a team in their capture the flag game, he let them win in the end.

Sarada slipped her hand into his when they walked home and for a moment, everything felt so good and wholesome, he felt compelled to murmur a Genjutsu release under his breath.

"See?" Sakura told him when they reached the gates to the Tower, "the sky hasn't fallen. I'm still here. It was just a normal Sunday."

Kakashi was about to thank her when he recognized the jonin in charge of the Konoha Aviary before them, looking in their direction anxiously. He was holding a red missive in his hand.

It was an unfriendly summons from the Fire Daimyo. To the capital. He was expected there in ten days, no further explanation given.

Someone had heard about what had happened the other night. Someone was pissed. Someone was making a move. Good.

"I guess winter really is over," Kakashi said and grinned.