Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
Rewritten: May 18th, 2020 - May 22nd, 2020.
Long chapter to make up for the last chapter :) Forgive me?
WARNING: This chapter contains sexual content. I've placed a line before it begins and after it ends for those that don't want to read such graphic content.
Chapter 25 | Twenty-five | Ad Meliora
With no current threat to their lives, it takes Naruto a while to inspire Tsunade to take the position. As they follow the blonde sannin from one gambling town to another, Sakura slowly clears a portion of her debt a day before they join Jiraiya and Naruto to watch his training. When Naruto and Shizune retire for the night, Sakura, Tsunade, and occasionally Jiraiya grab a few drinks in the town. Sakura knows it's going to take longer for Tsunade to see past Naruto's complaints and immaturity, but it'll happen.
It happens on the day she decides to pay Zabuza and Haku a visit.
Haku had sent word that the two opened a weaponry shop a while back and she had yet to take them up on their offer to visit. The town they were at was close by, so why not? She had commissioned gifts for team 7 a while back and they were ready for her to pick up. After spending a day with Haku and Zabuza, telling them of her adventures, finding out that they are doing really well for themselves, and gathering information about some of their more problematic clients (which Zabuza was adamant that they could handle themselves if they wanted to), Sakura returned to Naruto's side with presents in tow.
Naruto spotted the katanas strapped to her back almost immediately.
"Eh? For me?" He asks as he holds the golden blade in his hands after they finally have a moment alone in the inn they've decided to rest at for the night. He holds the red-orange sheath in his free hand, of which he had gawked at for the longest time - likely the longest anything has held his attention. Haku had done a marvelous job of capturing the essence of each of the members of Team 7 in the painting, dyeing, and embroidery of the sheaths, and Zabuza had done an equally breathtaking job with the blades and the handles.
Naruto's golden blade the words 'Will of Fire' on one side and 'The Hero' on the other, in small letters. Sakura's sure that Zabuza came up with the terms, but Haku had the final say in the design, especially since the words are more subtle in size and one can only read them when the blade catches the light. The handle is simple in its burnt, rustic orange color, but feel so comfortable in his hand that he almost forgets he's holding it at all. At the end of the handle is a delicate-looking carving of a fox. A red string with a bell's shell attached to the end hangs from the fox's mouth.
Sakura nods. "These are for Sasuke-kun," she continues, holding up the twin midnight blue-sheathed katanas, before holding up the last white one. "This one for Sakura-chan,"
One of Sasuke's swords has the carving of the symbol of his clan and the other has the carving of Konoha's mark, both with the same strings with non-functional bells attached, while Sakura's has a cherry blossom with the same string and bell. Similar to Naruto's, Sasuke's and Sakura's blades also read 'Will of Fire' on one side. On the other side of Sasuke's matted midnight blue blades are the words, 'The Protector' and 'The Shadow,' which Sakura had helped to come up with, while Sakura's matted pink blades say, 'The Lover.'
"Unfair," Naruto mumbles, "I convince the old hag to be our new Hokage and I only get one sword but Sasuke gets two?"
Digging into her bag, she pulls out a pouch. "These are also for you. I was going to hold off on giving you these but..." She smiles at him. "You've done so well, Naruto." She holds the pouch out to him. "I would've wrapped it if I had time."
Excitedly, he takes the pouch into his hands and is about to open it before he pauses. "You said you were going to wait, why?"
"You'll find out when you open it."
"...But if you were going to wait, do you not think I'm ready for it?"
With a nostalgic smile, she places a caring hand on his forearm. "I think you were born ready."
With newfound curiosity, he opens the pouch. Taking one of the oddly shaped kunai out of the pouch, he holds it up to the light, as if it would help him understand the difference better. He traces the red fox carved into the end of the handle, then the shiny gold edge of the three-pronged blade.
"They were modeled after the Fourth's special kunai. They're called Hiraishin Kunai. I've spoken to Jiraiya-sama about it. He agreed to teach you Space-Time Techniques so you can use these for that when the time comes."
"Why me? Sasuke is faster..." It's moments like these that make Sakura realize that despite all the affection that she has given Naruto in the past few years, she didn't come early enough to take away all his pain. He still thinks he isn't good enough.
"It's in your genes, Naruto."
"Eh?"
"I'll tell you when you're older," she says, caressing his cheek gently. "These kunai are deadlier than the normal kunai. The creator modified the original designs so they're lighter than the originals."
With a grateful smile, Naruto says, "Thank you, Hikari-nee-chan."
Sakura simply waves it away. She knows Naruto means to thank her for more than just these gifts, but he's done more than he would ever know to repay her – in fact, she's repaying him right now, not the other way around.
"So tell me how you won over Tsunade-sama."
She already knows that it was his spirit, his dedication, and his loyalty towards Konoha that reminded her Shishou of her fallen lover, brother, and grandfather, but he tells her about how he 'challenged the old hag to a fight after she kept complaining about having better things to do with her time.'
Despite his obvious loss, she was able to see what Sakura sees in him, and she had gifted him her necklace. He takes the crystal out of his shirt to show it to her.
"Do you want it?" He asks.
Sakura places her hands over the crystal, pressing it to his chest, and says, "She gave it to you so you should keep it." Offhandedly, she adds, "Is this how you treat gifts? Are you going to give away mine?"
"Of course not!" He sputters in response.
With a laugh, she gets up and tells him that it's getting late and he should rest. They have a long day ahead tomorrow and she's late in heading out to meet Tsunade and Shizune for drinks.
"You too," he mumbles, "At this rate, you're going to turn into an alcoholic like the old hag."
Knocking his forehead with her knuckles gently, while suppressing the urge to punch him across the room like she used to, she smiles at him before exiting his room. Outside, Jiraiya is leaning against the wall beside the door.
"You heard all of it?" She asks.
He nods. "I have my theories, but I'll wait until you feel comfortable enough to tell me."
"Tsunade-sama will tell you when the time is right."
"That's fine with me." He flashes her a cheeky smile before telling her, "The brat is right. You are going to turn into another Tsunade."
"I'll take that as a compliment," she responds as she heads out of the inn to meet up with her Shishou for one last night of freedom before she's strapped down to her duties as leader of their village.
~:~
After arriving back at Konoha, they head to the Hokage Tower to give Hiruzen the good news, and after Hiruzen dismisses Sakura and Naruto, the two head back to their apartment together.
"I can't wait to have ramen!" Naruto exclaims, "And show off my new katana and kunai to the team!"
"You're not the only one with a new katana," Sakura stresses, "I think showing them your new Rasengan would be cooler."
"Yeah, that too, dattebayo!"
Remembering that Zabuza had given her a katana for Kakashi, one that she didn't commission, she says, "I'll leave giving your team these katanas to you then."
"Really? The teme's going to want to see you..."
"I'll see him another time," she explains, "I think your team should receive their presents together, right?"
"But it'll be better if you're there to give them..."
"I have another meeting with the Hokage today," she lies.
"Aw, okay," Naruto mopes for a second before finally noticing that Sakura has more than three katana on her back. "Who are those three for?"
"One's for Kakashi - I'm going to need you to take it to him later too, okay?" He nods in response before she continues, "The red one is mine and the black one is Shisui's."
"Aw man, Shisui got one too?"
With a laugh, Sakura chides him, "Shisui is older and stronger than us. You should show him respect," earning her a pout. "But don't worry, you got the most gifts if you count all the kunai in the pouch and your katana."
At that, Naruto bounces right back with a blinding smile. "That's right, dattebayo!"
Arriving at their shared home, the two of them notice that Shisui isn't home. Naruto hurriedly takes a shower and changes his clothes before heading back out to find Sasuke, with the three katana for his teammates and his own new weapons in tow. Sakura decides to take a nice leisurely bath before resting for the rest of the day. Naruto won't be back until late so she won't need to hide to keep up her lie about needing to meet the Hokage.
When she gets sleepy from reading the book she picked up at a bookstore in one of the towns they passed and Shisui hasn't returned, she places his katana on his bed and heads back into her room to rest for the night.
Under the security of her blanket, she finally lets her guard down and allows herself to think about Itachi again. He doesn't deserve her thoughts, she knows, but she can't help it. She misses him so much and it hurts that she knows that he doesn't miss her at all. He's probably by her side right now. She still can't help but feel like she doesn't belong here. She knows that she doesn't. Sasuke, Naruto, and Kakashi, the three people she was closest to, are not her teammates in this time and her parents aren't her parents. The one place she thought was hers was by Itachi's side, but even that was taken from her.
What did she do so wrong to deserve this? Her heart is covered with scars she did nothing to earn, and even as one of the best medics in the world, she can't save herself from this pain. She's so tired of crying over him. She's not even sure what hurt her more – when Sasuke left in pursuit of power or when Itachi left her for someone else.
Probably the latter, she decides.
Growing up, she had always been treated like she was precious. Her parents sheltered her, Ino defended her against bullies, and her teammates' first instinct was always to protect her.
Itachi's the first one to make her feel like she's not good enough.
Her insecurities had always been self-inflicted, but now, not so much. Now, she knows that there is someone else could take away a man who told her he loved her. Despite how Itachi looked at her with love in his eyes, how much they did for each other over the years, and all the promises they made, there was still someone better and he left her behind.
It hurts.
As a girl, she can't help but wonder what this other person looks like. Is she prettier? Is she thinner? Taller? Was she too flat-chested? Does this person have a better body?
Itachi likes long hair. Is her hair longer? Is it a color he likes? Is she stronger than her? Is she a civilian? Men like to protect their girlfriends. Maybe Sakura should have let him protect her more?
She tries to figure out what she did wrong, what she did to push him away. He was already avoiding her before their argument over his trust. His trust. She hadn't even known he had already broken hers.
A horrible thought crosses her mind. What if it was because she wasn't good in bed? She was inexperienced – she's still inexperienced, having not done anything since the night he told her he was leaving and the morning after. What if he found someone who could satisfy those needs? She had kept him waiting for years. Was that what she did wrong? Should she not have waited?
What if it's not even about the sex? What if he met someone who he connects with better? She thought he enjoyed reading and playing shogi with her – but what if it was too boring? Was she too boring?
No one can answer her questions. She knows she's overthinking and that she's doing all this to herself, but she can't stop. She has a million questions, but no one to ask.
Why did this happen?
She knows she's not going to be here much longer. She only has a few years left – and she has hypothesized over what'll happen to her. She doesn't think her memories will be retained.
It'll be like she was never here.
A good shinobi lives in the shadows – nameless and often forgotten.
Maybe she'll be a good shinobi after all, despite all the rules she broke throughout her years.
It just sucks because she thought Itachi was the one for her. She finally got her great romance that she always wanted since she was a little girl – only for him to break her heart. She knows she was being inconsiderate when she decided to accept his feelings – knowing that he'd get hurt in the end when she had to leave. Is this karma? Is this what she gets for letting herself be selfish for once?
All she ever wanted was for someone to love her back the way she loved. She became stronger because she thought it would be the only way she was worthy of it. Who could love someone they couldn't respect?
With a cut this deep, she doesn't know if she'd ever fully recover.
Since no one is home, she lets herself cry and let it all out.
After her tears dry, she pieces the happy mask she's worn since he left back together, finally takes off the necklace he gifted her, dropping it back into the velvety case she had bought for it a while back, and she falls asleep reciting the shinobi rules to herself, not knowing how to deal with the hurt and falling back on the rules and regulations that were drilled into her, tears threatening to fall again as she unconsciously counts all the rules she has broken while on this mission.
(And she swears that she'll do better, that she won't let anyone hurt her like Itachi did ever again, so she cuts her heart off of her sleeve - where she had sewn it as a young child just learning about love and crushing on a boy for the first time and has since worn it her whole life - and places it back where it belongs, guarded behind her armor.
But despite everything, she hopes Itachi's happy. She hopes he found someone who could love him better than she could, someone who could give him all of the things she couldn't, someone who could give him everything he ever wanted.
She has no future here anyway.
If love isn't for her, she'll learn to accept it.
She'll never open her heart again.)
~:~
The following weeks pass by in a blur as Tsunade is elected and inaugurated as the new Hokage with backing from all the major clans and takes in Little Sakura as an apprentice. Deciding to drown herself in work, Sakura spends as much time in the hospital as much as she can until she can't anymore, knowing that once her mini-me learns to heal more than just fish, that she'll start working in the hospital herself.
When Suna requests for Sakura to help with a new, mysterious illness going around Land of Wind, she accepts with no hesitation.
"But we've barely even seen you, dattebayo," Naruto protests, pouting, with his arms around her waist as he looks up at her, "You leave too early in the morning and come home too late." With the missions that Team 7 has been sent on recently, her hospital shifts, and her council duties, she really hasn't seen them often aside from the rare meals they've grabbed together.
With a smile, she asks, "Aren't you traveling with Jiraiya-sama starting next week?"
He nods. "I thought you were going to come with us." Like last time, he leaves unsaid.
"Aw, you know I can't," she says as she unwraps his arms from her body, "But I'm rooting for you, okay? If you pass by Suna or Ame, please drag Jiraiya-sama to visit with you." She knows that Jiraiya will be open to visiting Yahiko, Nagato, and Konan, so she'll be seeing him in a few months. She messes up Naruto's hair before turning to Shisui.
"I know you'll be done with your mission in no time," he says with a cheeky smile, as he pulls her into a hug, "Send word when I should meet you in Amegakure."
After she's done eradicating the virus in Suna, she is being sent to help Amegakure set up their hospital – a mission that she knows is going to take her away from Konoha for a while. As protection, Shisui is being sent with her, but they'll meet up there.
"Okay," she responds as he lets go of her.
Lastly, she turns to Sasuke, who has both of his katanas strapped to his back. Since he's not one to reach out to hug her first, Sakura steps towards him and pulls him into her arms. "Be good, okay? You know how to reach me if you need anything," she whispers in his ear.
He nods against her shoulder in response, and when she lets go of him, he says, "Be safe."
With that, she heads to Suna, and because of how the illness spreads, it takes her nearly two months to fully rid of it and create an easily duplicable antidote. She spends an extra week in Suna to watch as Gaara is inaugurated as the Fifth Kazekage and hang out and train with the Sand Siblings and Chiyo.
Two nights before she heads to Amegakure, she sends her bluebird summon Sei back to Konoha to notify Shisui. With his speed, he arrives before she does, but he waits for her at the gates in the light drizzle. The sun is out despite the rain - the stereotypical weather for the month of May. He figured he would enjoy this weather while it lasts.
"You could have gone in without me, you know?" She asks as she approaches his seated figure at the gate.
"Oh I told them I'm here already, but I said I'll wait for you here." He grins before saying, "Wanted to be the first face you saw."
She pretends to gag before laughing. "You're lucky you're easy on the eyes," she says as she walks past him to the guards to check-in, not noticing Shisui's cheeks tint pink. The check-in process takes a while, but after Sakura's identity and mission is confirmed, one of the guards summon a chuunin who shows the two Konohagakure shinobi to the rooms that they'll be staying in, located within a giant fortress that houses both the Hokage's office, meeting rooms, and housing for governing officials and important guests.
The chuunin shows them where the offices are located, the cafeteria area that offers a variety of different cuisines from all over the world, as well as the hot springs and shared baths. Sakura marvels at how far the Akatsuki members have come – from living on the streets as young children and stealing food to survive to leading a heavily fortified, industrialized city.
"After you settle in, our village head would like to see you," the chuunin tells her. When she nods in understanding, the chuunin turns to Shisui and tells him, "Your room is right next door. Follow me." Sakura pokes her head out to see exactly where Shisui's room is should she need him for anything. The room directly to her left, she jots down for the future. Shisui steps into his room and the chuunin bows to both of them before heading down the hallway.
Dropping her bags on the desk in the room, she begins unpacking. She knows she'll be here a while. She had helped them get their hospital started a few years back, but it still has a long way to go. After hanging up her clothes, taking a quick shower to wash the grime and dirt off of her skin, and changing into a new set of clean clothes, she lays on the bed for a few minutes, staring at the ceiling. The king-sized bed is comfortable and the room is probably one of the finer ones Amegakure has to offer. It's also one of the nicest accommodations she has received during a mission; however, the one frequently offered to her in Suna definitely takes the cake – with the balcony overseeing the bustling city, drapes and curtains that make her feel like a princess, and the whirlpool hot tub in the bathroom.
She could get used to this for a while.
Laying there and not hearing anything except the light patter of rain on the windowpane, she closes her eyes, trying to drown out her thoughts and just relax for the moment. She doesn't know how long she'll be here and she doesn't know what'll happen but the prospect of starting something new excites her. She knows that she'll be very busy, which she wholeheartedly welcomes, but she also knows that she doesn't know what's in store – a notion that both thrills her and scares her.
When someone knocks on her door, she opens her eyes and gets up to open the door. Shisui stands on the other side with a smile on his face.
"I thought you fell asleep," he teases.
She shakes her head. "Of course not." She pauses before adding, "I'm not you." She points towards the corner of her mouth and Shisui immediately blushes as he wipes away the imaginary dried drool.
He pouts as she laughs, but waits until she's composed again before cocking his head to the side. "Ready to go meet with Yahiko-san?"
She nods as he moves out of the way to give her space to step out of her room.
"The rooms are nice," he mumbles, "I like this mission already." Despite not being paid a lot for what they're going to do here, it's only right for them to help rebuild this village after what Konoha and the others did to it during the war.
"Same," she responds, "It's going to be hard for you to wake up in the morning with how comfy those beds are."
"Do you know what time you'll be starting the day?"
She shakes her head. "Hospitals usually start early," she answers.
"Don't I already know it," he mumbles, remembering the days that Sakura would wake up during such ungodly hours to trudge out to work. Ever since he started living with her and the jinchuuriki, he's had no problem waking up – just in case anything ever happens and he has to spring to action. He'd never tell her that though.
"In Konoha, I've had shifts as early as 4:30 in the morning, but I'm usually also on call so I'll probably need to be ready no matter what time it is."
"That sounds hard."
"What about you?"
"In the beginning, I'm just helping them pick out who's ready for ANBU and who's not, and then I'll start strategizing the best way to prepare them for their positions."
"Sounds easy for you."
He shrugs. "Nothing out of the ordinary. The ANBU system works well in Konoha so we'll have to improvise based on how their current system functions and what'll work best for them."
"That makes sense. Their structure is very different from ours."
"I may need help sometimes if you don't mind." He flashes her a cheeky smile. "You know, as someone who used to be my teammate in ANBU."
"I'm right next door if you need me, Sushi." With a smile, she elbows him lightly. "You don't even have to ask."
"Thanks."
"You sure have been keeping yourself busy," he hesitates in saying. When she looks at him questioningly, he elaborates, "Feels like it's been a while since we talked. I didn't even get to thank you for the dango you sent that one time – delicious by the way, you have to tell me where – and the katana."
"Clearly you favor one above the other," she mumbles with a devious grin. When he gives her an incredulous look, she continues, "I've been busy. With Sakura growing up, I won't be able to do much after she starts taking up more responsibilities."
He offers her a sad smile, careful to hide most of the emotion brewing behind his eyes as he usually does, but as someone who is considered very emotional for a shinobi, slivers always slip out.
"You don't have to feel sorry for me," she says, "There aren't supposed to be two of me walking around. It's obvious that I'll be replaced someday."
"You could just continue helping out other villages," he tells her, "I know you've been meaning to open a mental health clinic, but if it was created by you and Ino originally, why not let it be? Let your mini-me have some of the glory. We are in a time of peace right now."
She contemplates it for a second and then glances at him from the corner of her eyes. Maybe it's because she's been too busy to notice, but Shisui sure has matured. Towering over her now, his features have become more pronounced and he's indisputably very handsome. She's seen how girls ogle him as he passes by in Konoha – and even here, she notices as they walk past two girls around her age.
She averts her eyes when he looks at her with a smile. He looks like he wants to ask a question for a second, but then they arrive at their destination.
At the front of the hall leading to the offices that the chuunin had shown them to earlier, Sakura approaches the receptionist.
"Hi, I'm Hikari and this is Shisui. I believe Yahiko-san is expecting us," she introduces politely.
The meek receptionist glances at Shisui before nodding and pulling out a list to checks for their names before getting up. "Follow me," she instructs with a blush staining her cheeks as she leads them down a hall. Sakura reads the plates on the doors as they make their way through the various office spaces.
In front of a door with a plate that says 'conference room', the receptionist stops and opens the door for the two of them to enter.
"Yahiko-sama, Nagato-sama, and Konan-sama will be here briefly. Would either of you like a glass of water, juice, tea, or coffee?"
"Coffee for me please," Shisui says before turning to Sakura. The receptionist nods eagerly, going unnoticed by the target of her affections.
Sakura shakes her head. "I'm good, thank you."
The poor girl bows to them before stepping out of the room. Shisui looks around the room like a childlike wonder. "Amazing how far this village has come in such a short amount of time..."
"They had the bones ready, but not the money. With Hanzo on their side, they get all the funding they need."
"And more – from the looks of it."
"Good for them," she says as she leans against the table.
When Yahiko, Konan, and Nagato enter the room, Sakura and Shisui bow to them respectfully before being motioned by Yahiko to take a seat. Shisui takes the seat beside Sakura, across from the Amegakure leaders.
"Thank you for coming," Yahiko starts, crossing his arms in front of him. "I'm glad the new Hokage decided to send you two." With a smile on his face, he continues, "I'm confident that with your help, our village will flourish as it never has before."
Yahiko goes into detail on their missions and what they are to do and who would be assisting them. Unsurprisingly, she finds that Konan will be helping her with the hospital. With her desire to help her people and her abilities, Konan could become a force to reckon with. Especially on the battlefield, when preventing blood loss is more important than healing wounds.
Sakura looks to Shisui when Yahiko starts telling him about his new responsibilities. Aside from helping to build their ANBU system from the ground up, he's to help them train in all forms of combat and strategy, form functional teams, and prepare them for the real world.
Currently, the strongest shinobi in Ame are the members of Akatsuki - though they are rarely known as such anymore. They've all received the recognition they desired, and though some members have left in pursuit of whatever it is they're looking for, the members that stayed are all highly invested in Amegakure's advancement.
With many of them taking up council roles, only a select few of them wanted to remain in active duty.
"Let's focus on introducing you to those you'll work closely with today," Yahiko says, "We can start the real work tomorrow." With a smile on his face, he gets up and motions for Konan and Nagato to do the same. "Let's take a dip in the hot springs later!" Looking between Shisui and Sakura, he pauses before saying, "I hope it's okay with you two that our onsens are separated by gender."
Sakura and Shisui glance at each other before immediately looking to Yahiko, red in the cheeks, as they both sputter, "T-That's fine!"
With a laugh, Yahiko waves his hand back and forth. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding." Konan stifles her laughs behind him and Nagato stares at them with his rippled eyes. As they step out of the room with the two Konoha-nin following behind them, Yahiko says loudly, "Ah, what I would give to be young again..."
~:~
Despite the tall wall between the men's and women's hot springs, Sakura could hear Yahiko continue his onslaught of teasing. She can't help but feel bad for Shisui, but she's glad she was paired up with Konan. The graceful, older kunoichi is composed and level-headed. As someone who has undoubtedly grown up with trust issues, Konan only speaks about topics of little depth and medical ninjutsu. She can tell that Konan is really passionate about learning at least some healing jutsu. She stays a little longer in the comfort of the heated waters as Konan retires for the night, around the same time that the men's side of the onsen quiets down. She relaxes in the serenity of her surroundings, only hearing the soothing sound of the deer scare every now and then.
Yep, she can definitely get used to this.
Walking back to her room, she's surprised to see Shisui ahead of her, his normally unruly hair looking deceptively tame as it sticks to his forehead. When he notices that she's behind him, he stops and waits for her to catch up.
"I thought you went back already," she says as they begin walking together.
"I thought you did too."
"I stayed for some peace and quiet after your side quieted down." She smiles a little. "I'm surprised you didn't go back with them."
He shrugs. "Guess I wanted some peace and quiet too." There's a look in his eye that she's seen before but can't name, she notices as they start walking towards their rooms together.
"He's quite a character," she says, knowing that Shisui will know who she means.
He nods in her peripherals before he says, "I'm not sure I can take all this teasing."
"I'm sure he's only doing it to you because he knows you can handle it."
With a sigh, he walks slower and Sakura follows his pace. "How did your introductions go today?"
"They went well," she responds, "Konan-san is really interested in medical ninjutsu."
"Every good shinobi would want to know at least the basics to be able to save someone's life – that's why I asked you to teach me last time."
"I know, but Konan-san has also been doing a lot of her own research and trying to learn on her own. Her initiative is quite...inspiring."
"Is there something you want to learn?"
"I want to get better at genjutsu. Kakashi-sensei had always said that I was the genjutsu-type, but after starting my apprenticeship under Tsunade-sama, I neglected it."
"I can see that," he mumbles as he glances upwards at the ceiling briefly. "If you need any help, let me know."
"I've been learning on my own, but I have no idea if it's effective or if I'm even doing it correctly."
"Ah, is that why you came home late all the time?"
She laughs. "Not all the time," she responds. "Sometimes I really did just have too much work."
As if contemplating his next words, he bites his lip, and Sakura finds herself staring at his lips briefly. She doesn't hear his next words, too focused on the way that his lips move when he talks, wondering if they're as soft as they look.
'You know he loves you,' her Inner shows up for the first time in years, 'I know you've thought about it, or else I wouldn't have reawakened!' As she begins chanting for her to make a move on him, Sakura pushes the representative of her innermost thoughts into a mental closet and shuts the door.
Maybe she stayed too long in the hot springs after all, feeling her body heating up even more at the dirty mental images Inner Sakura conjured up.
Despite how lonely she is, she could never do that to him. It would ruin their friendship, and Itachi would never forgive her for moving onto his cousin and his best friend, and Hana – oh god, Hana. Sakura knows how much she loves Shisui – and they're in a relationship!
When she meets his eyes again, she sees the same look in it as she saw before – still unable to name it. There's a fire behind his dark, onyx eyes – not quite the love she saw in his eyes years ago, but not so different that it's ruled out. As they reach her room, he bids her good night, the look not leaving his eyes, hidden behind years of training to suppress his emotions – but Sakura can see it. She's not sure how, but she can.
Shisui has always been easy for her to read. He's so similar to Naruto that she could read him like a book – but at the same time, Naruto has never looked at her like this.
It's when she closes the door behind her that she is able to name the emotion – lust. Passing by the bathroom, she gets a glimpse of her reflection in the mirror. Her skin is a little pink and her wet, dyed hair is clinging to the sides of her face and her shoulders. The necklace that had adorned her neck for years no longer there. Did Shisui notice? Bringing her hands to her own cheeks, she slaps them lightly.
This is Shisui. She should not be thinking about him this way.
She's known him for years – why is it that she's only realizing how handsome and attractive he is now? The way that drops of water fell from his wet hair, the way his cheeks were slightly flushed from the onsen, the way his luscious eyelashes framed his slightly slanted eyes, the way that his tear troughs were starting to show through his youthful face, the way that his beautiful lips formed words and the way his deep voice escaped them, the way his chiseled jaw clenched every time he thought of something especially perplexing.
She knows that she doesn't have romantic feelings for him. There's no way. The first person she thinks of when she wakes up and the last face she sees when she falls asleep is still Itachi. She doesn't feel the same way for Shisui, but it's different than just friends. She definitely never thought about another friend like this before.
Is it because she's lonely? She was never one to seek human contact just for comfort. She's used to crying alone in her room – something she's done whenever her emotions got the best of her after she started rising in the ranks and people started recognizing her.
Untying the sash holding her yukata closed, she shrugs the fabric off and places it in the laundry basket in the bathroom. After changing into her usual lounge clothes, an image that her inner summoned earlier appears in her mind again.
Groaning, she slides her hands down her face. Why did she do this to herself? Inner Sakura is still banging on the door of the closet in her head – the closet she hides all her deepest, darkest thoughts. Oh god. Unlocking the door before her inner gets ahold of the secrets she's hidden away, she hurriedly closes the door again and locks it. With Inner free and smirking, more mental images flood her mind – and she finds herself turned on for the first time in a while. Normally, she's able to distract herself, but it's not working this time – not with the object of her lust right next door.
Pressing her face into her pillow, she contemplates handling it herself, earning an earful from Inner.
When she hears knocks on her door, Inner stops her annoying chant. Getting up, she walks over to the door and opens it.
Shisui stands on the other side of the doorframe with a smile on his face – and she doesn't think that smile has ever looked so dashingly perfect on his face.
Mentally slapping herself again, she asks, "What is it?"
"I almost forgot," he says as he holds his fist up in front of her.
Questioningly, she lifts her hands to hover under his. "What?"
"Happy birthday, Sakura," he cheers as a necklace drops from his hand and dangles above hers. When she looks at it, he lets go of it and the rose-gold chain pools in her hands. Bringing the present closer to her face, she inspects the pendant – matching rose-gold wiring to keep the pink crystal petals in place to form a cherry blossom. Scratching the back of his head, pink tints his cheeks as he looks away and says, "I – uh – made it myself."
When she doesn't respond, he looks back at her and stands up straight, but Sakura can tell that her silence hurts him. "You don't have to wear it if you don't like it - "
Not fully registering her actions, she had pulled him into her room, one hand on his wrist, and the other at the nape of his neck, pulling him down to her height as she pressed her lips to his. She barely hears the door closing behind him, only able to hear the loud beating of her own heart in her ears.
Shisui stares at her in surprise for a few seconds, with her lips caressing his, his thoughts running a mile a minute, knowing he should stop this and push her away.
But he knows he wouldn't – he can't.
He's never wanted anyone as much as he's wanted her – and though he tried to hide exactly how strong his feelings for her were, in this moment, he can't find it in him to care about how others would feel if they found out.
Closing his eyes and wrapping his arms around her, he brings her closer to him than she's ever been before. She feels smaller in his arms than he thought she would. To him, she's always been larger than life, but now, as he lifts her up and she wraps her legs around his waist, he finally realizes how small and vulnerable she has always been. He hears the necklace he made her drop onto the nightstand, but he can't be bothered to look.
She kisses him hungrily, and when they part for air, he can see her eyes mirroring his, wide and not fully sure, but also too sure to stop. He feels her dainty hands at the hem of his shirt, trying to pull it up. Laying her down gently on her bed, he stands between her legs as he obliges to her wishes, taking off the pajama shirt he had put on after returning to his room and changing out of the yukata he wore to the onsen. He watches as her green eyes wander all over his torso, her hands following after them.
When she lifts her eyes back to his, he sees that she's more sure now. When she sits up and takes off her shirt, he can't help it as his eyes roamed her body, from her collarbones to her smooth shoulders, down to her perfectly perky breasts to her toned abdomen.
Sakura knows from the way that he's looking at her and from the bulge in his pants that he wants her just as much as she wants him, but she senses hesitation in him.
"We don't have to do anything if you don't want to," she whispers as she gets on her knees on the bed so that she's closer to his height than she's been in years. Cupping his face in her hands, she places a kiss to his cheek. "I know this is unfair to you." Letting go of his face, she sits down on her feet and reaches for her shirt again. "I'm sorry – I know you have Hana. I shouldn't have - "
He places a hand on her wrist and Sakura looks back at him.
"Hana and I are just friends," he promises, "I was just...in awe."
Turning as pink as her hair used to be, Sakura stutters, "W-What?"
"You're perfect," is all he says before he crashes his lips on top of hers again.
He pushes her down onto the mattress and climbs on top of her, but careful not to crush her. He wraps an arm around her back to pull her closer to his body, his warmth, reveling in the way her soft body feels against his, and props his other arm up beside her head. With a desperate need to feel more of her, he pushes his tongue past her lips to explore her mouth.
She wraps her arms around his neck to pull him closer to her to deepen the kiss. When he sits up between her legs, he pulls her with him. Pulling his lips away from hers, he presses kisses down her jaw to her neck as Sakura moans against him. With one arm wrapped around her back to keep her from laying back down, he kneads one of her breasts in his other hand.
Feeling his clothed arousal beneath her similarly covered heat, she feels her lower stomach clench painfully. More – she needs more. She hasn't felt this way in a long time. She hasn't felt anything but hurt, heartbreak, and anguish for the longest time.
Shisui moans loudly against her breast when she readjusts herself in his lap so that she can grind against him. He throws his head back in pleasure as she increases the friction between them. Effortlessly, he pushes her back down onto her back and she whines at the loss of contact. Snaking an arm around her waist, he lifts her lower body and wraps his hand around the cloth covering her behind. Tugging her shorts lightly, he gives her time to stop him. When she doesn't, he pulls her shorts off, along with her underwear, and tosses them aside.
As she lay bare under his gaze, his eyes rove her body, from the hickeys he had inadvertently left, marring the skin on her neck, to her pert nipples, to the pink tuft of hair between her legs.
"Shisui..." She whispers, a little whiningly. Her voice raspier than he's ever heard it.
After taking off his own pants and throwing them somewhere behind him, he sits down on her bed. Getting the hint, Sakura gets up and straddles him, lining herself up with his cock. Shisui holds onto her hip gently as he says, "Not yet." Before she can do anything, he takes one of her nipples into his mouth as he rubs his thumb against the other. Snaking an arm around her back to between her legs, he strokes her folds gently as if checking if she'd stop him first, eliciting a loud moan from her as she grabs a bunch of his dark hair in her hands.
When he slips a finger into her wetness, a small whimper escapes her. He immediately releases her nipple from his mouth and looks up to meet her eyes. She looks at him, jade eyes clouded over by lust.
"I'm okay," she whispers before pressing her lips to his again and kisses him sloppily as he pumps his finger in and out of her. When he slips another finger in, she pulls away from his lips to bounce on his hand. Letting go of her breast, he drops his now free hand between their hips. Finding her bud and rubbing it as he sinks another finger into her, he watches as she crumbles in his hands, grabbing onto his shoulders tightly as she finds her release.
He holds her as she trembles against him. He helps her down onto the mattress again, gently. "Sakura, are you sure about this?" He asks, voice strained as he struggles to hold back his hunger for her as he holds himself up above her.
She peers at him through her half-lidded eyes. With a smile, she nods. "I'm very sure, Shisui, now stop asking me."
He flashes her his million-dollar smile before meeting her lips with his again, in such a tender kiss that makes her feel like she's made of glass. When he pulls away, she watches as he aligns his cock with her opening. Despite his efforts to make sure she is properly lubricated before entering her, she knows it's going to hurt a little since it's been a while, but she'd rather feel him inside her than avoid the inevitable pain. He places a hand on her shoulders and presses his forehead to hers to gaze into her eyes as he pushes into her.
He kisses her face as she writhes under him, in both discomfort and pleasure as he stretches her, going so slowly that she thinks she might go crazy. She knows he's doing it for her. She can tell that he's holding himself back, but she can't find her voice to tell him otherwise. When he's fully buried in her, he kisses her on the lips again as she tries to adjust.
She gives him a nod to let him know it's okay to move again. He moves slowly at first, only pulling out a little before sliding fully back into her, before pulling out more and thrusting back into her. He drops his forehead to her shoulder, pressing his lips above one of her breasts, his hot breath fanning over her impossibly heated skin.
Blinded by the pleasure as he begins speeding up and picking up a rhythm, Sakura drops her hands to the bedsheet and grabs onto it tightly. Noticing this, Shisui lets go of her shoulder and reaches out for one of her hands. Sakura intertwines her fingers with his as he presses her hand down beside her head. She raises her hand to the headboard to keep her own body from shifting from his powerful thrusts.
He pauses as he kisses her deeply again as if to make sure that this is really happening. He mumbles three words against her lips. She pretends not to hear or understand it.
As he picks up his pace again, his breathing gets more ragged, his moaning more frequent, and his thrusts harsher, Sakura knows he's close – but so is she, as she rubs herself with the hand he's not holding. She reaches her end before he does, tremors overtaking her body as she clenches around him, bringing him over the edge, his grunts against her ear, as he struggles to keep himself up above her. Wrapping her free arm around him, she pulls his body to hers and holds him as he releases into her.
Sated, he rolls to her side, still holding her hand in his. He lays on his side as he looks at her, raising his free hand to wipe the tears trailing from her eyes.
She didn't even notice that she had started crying until he cups her cheek and rubs the pad of his thumb under her eyes. When she starts crying harder because of how gentle he is with her, she lets go of his hand and turns onto her side, facing away from him. Undeterred, Shisui wraps an arm around her and pulls her back to his chest.
"It's okay," he whispers against her shoulder, as she falls apart in his arms. He holds her as she sobs uncontrollably.
He doesn't deserve this, she tells herself. He deserves someone who could love him back. She curses herself for not loving him back. Why didn't she fall for him instead? Shisui has only ever been by her side. Since she met him, he has never left her.
But she knows why she can't reciprocate his feelings.
It's because of his resemblance to Naruto.
(Sakura never told anyone. It's her deepest, darkest secret. She never told anyone how she had actually fallen for Naruto. She had tried to convince him before but he hadn't agreed with her - and at the time, maybe, maybe she wasn't in love with him yet, or maybe she didn't even know it at the time. She had 'confessed' to him for all the wrong reasons. It was only when she saw him with Hinata after the war that she had realized that she had messed up and that she was in love with Naruto.
The first time she saw him with Hinata was also the day that she realized things would never be the same with Naruto ever again.
She was no longer the most important woman to him. He would never focus on her like he used to anymore. They could no longer teeter on the edge between friends and more, like they often had before, when they cuddled to keep warm during a particularly cold mission, or when he would fall asleep on her shoulder or her lap whenever he insisted on spending the day with her even if she was at the library.
When she saw him with Hinata, she couldn't say a thing. Her voice caught in her throat. She tried to scream. She tried to yell at the idiot to turn around - but she couldn't and he never did. She couldn't do that to him - not after everything she had put him through. He had deserved to be happy and she wasn't able to convince herself that she could bring him happiness.
Stifling her sobs as Naruto and Hinata walked away from her, she watched them until they disappeared from her view. She then rushed home, to her bathroom, throwing up her last meal into her toilet as she cried. She felt devastated and nauseous.
She hadn't said a thing.
She still hasn't.
And it's the secret that she's the most scared of. She never wants anyone to find out because she would never want to jeopardize Naruto's happiness.
She knows she'll keep it a secret until her dying day.)
~:~
Opening her emerald eyes to the early morning light filtering through the curtains that she hadn't pulled closed completely last night, Sakura feels a strong arm wrapped around her waist, another one under her head like a pillow, and a warm, solid body behind her back, curled around her. She doesn't have to turn around to know that Shisui is awake. He presses a gentle kiss to her bare shoulder.
"Good morning," he greets. She can hear the smile on his lips.
"Good morning." She turns around in his arms to face him. "Should we talk about it?" She hates that even she can hear the hesitation in her voice. She sounds smaller than she has in a while.
"We don't have to," he responds in earnest, "I know that you don't feel the same towards me." He caresses her cheek gently with his knuckles. "But for whatever reason that you wanted it last night, know that I will always be here for you however you need me."
She's speechless for a moment, eyes locking with his. She suppresses the urge to meet his lips, a part of her wanting to feel those soft lips against hers again. When he smiles, she knows he caught her. Her cheeks heat up and she tries to turn away, but Shisui pulls her closer to him. She stares at him in surprise, not expecting him to be so forward. He glances down at her lips again before looking back at her eyes. When he smirks, she bites her lower lip. Thankfully, Inner disappeared last night after she gave into temptation. She had been trying to ignore his hardened arousal digging into her back, but now that she faces him, it prods at her lower tummy.
"We also don't have to mention it ever again if you regret it," he whispers as he nears his lips to hers. He tries to hide his emotions, but she can tell that he is hurt – and she hates that she hurts him. When he averts his eyes and moves away from her to look at what time it is, she rolls onto his body, the blanket falling away and pooling behind her as she straddles him. He looks to her in shock.
"I didn't get to thank you for the present." She tucks some of her blonde locks behind her ear as she leans down to press her lips to his chastely. "I love it," she whispers against his lips. Glancing at the clock on the nightstand, she sees that they have a little time before they have to report to their respective positions. "Do you have any problems with this?"
"I don't."
"Neither do I."
It feels right. At this moment, Shisui is who she needs. Even if she doesn't love him, he's who she needs right now. Last night, she slept soundlessly – no nightmares and feeling as safe as possible in his arms. Despite crying herself to sleep, it's been a while since she got a good night's rest.
And she's tired – so, so tired.
"If there's nothing, let's just live our lives to the fullest," he says as he lifts his hand to push stray hair away from her face. After what they did last night, her hair is a mess, her lips are a little swollen, and her eyes are puffy, but he doesn't think she's ever been more beautiful to him. "That's all we have to do."
With an adoring smile, she nods and lowers herself onto his cock, closing her eyes as she feels her walls stretching. Shisui runs his hands over her body as he waits for her to adjust to his size again. When she starts bouncing in his lap, he places a hand on her hip to guide her, having realized last night that she is inexperienced.
And when they both finish and she collapses over him, resting her ear over his heart, listening to his racing heart, she closes her eyes. Shisui is proof of all the good she's done here. He's such a good man and he deserves to have the world – not the premature death that he was dealt in her time. With him by her side, loyal and unfaltering, she'll be fine.
Telling herself that she might grow to love him, she traces circles on his chest as he combs through her hair with his strong, but gentle hands.
"Thank you, Shisui," she whispers.
A/N: Don't kill me pls. I had that last italicized portion as part of the story before the re-write and it seemed to fit in at this point. :) It used to be in the 37th chapter! Can you believe that?! I sincerely hope to cut this story down to under 40 chapters, but knowing me, it might not happen.
The title of this chapter means "towards better things" in Latin, which I got from a song from the beautiful and amazing 2019 reboot of the Fruits Basket anime. The song is by THE CHARM PARK, and honestly I love it so much. I felt that it was fitting for this chapter. Give the song a listen and let me know what you think about it or about this really long chapter. (ALMOST 10K WORDS!)
Thanks for reading. Farewell, until next time.