A/N: I honestly debated killing Nessie last chapter but I couldn't do you all that dirty. I know this chapter is choppy, but it's intended to be! She's just woken up from a coma and adjusting to her surroundings isn't a smooth process. Enjoy.

Chapter Thirty-One - The Calm before The Storm

lay me down on a bed of roses
sink me in the river at dawn
send me away with the words of a love song

- the band perry, if i die young

oOoOo

It was all white. Always, white. I could never see my hands, taste my spit, or feel my lungs contract. You know what I could do? I could see the white, taste the white, and smell the white. It smelled like sterilized air and tasted like stale water.

I didn't know how long it had been since I'd been away. Time was misconstrued here. It was as if it were my own version of Emilian's hell - only now my subconscious was in control over my conscious instead of him. No matter how much will I thought I was mustering, I could not see beyond the wall of ivory.

I tried to run but my feet were planted. The screams of my voice were lost. The tears were all dried up.

Jacob, momma, daddy, Seth. Jacob, momma, daddy, Seth. Jacob, momma, daddy, Seth. Jacob, momma, daddy, Seth.

When I felt like the silence was blurring my memories, I would repeat their names. Until I felt I wouldn't forget.

Only to begin to feel the blur, I would repeat the process.

Jacob, momma, daddy, Seth. Jacob, momma, daddy, Seth. Jacob . . . momma . . . daddy . . .

I had begun the question if I were dead, and this was actually hell. I had called out for them. No one came. No one answered. Until their names began to fade and even then I couldn't imagine what their faces looked like.

It was bizarre and lonely. I even would have welcomed the burning if it would take me away from the silence that followed the lost color in my mind. My ability to think past this . . . place . . . was bound. I could not find memories here. I could not recognize sounds; as there were none.

So, I waited.

And, waited.

And . . . waited.

Desperately, as a last resort to find my sanity, I attempted to conjure someone's face. I knew it was a man. I tried to picture his skin. His hair. His eyes. It was confusing because I never got him right. How was it that I knew I had a someone, but not what he looked like? The white, as I liked to call it, was a tricky place.

I remembered I had parents, but not their names. I remembered a friend, but not who the friend was. The longer I waited, the harder it became to even think. Soon, all my time, if there was even the concept of time here, was spent in silence.

I was trying to unglue the trap that held the names I so desperately needed to remember. J. J. What is the J?

"Nessie, please, baby. Please. I'm so sorry. Oh, God, I'm so fucking sorry."

A drop of water plopped, echoing around me. Color flooded in. The light evaporated. A gust of air in tight lungs. A crack of bone.

"Nessie!" A voice boomed; a real voice. A voice not my own. A voice not distorted.

The light began to give way to colors and shapes, my vision was clearing as I focused on breathing. Time wasn't moving slowly; it was moving at lightning speed.

I blinked, actually blinked. I did it again. And again.

"Baby? It's me. Can you look at me, Ness?"

That voice . . .

"Renesmee!" Another voice wailed; this one was more feminine.

"She needs space. Give her space, Bells."

Bells . . . Bells . . . what a pretty word.

"Oh God, it worked. It fucking worked. Carlisle, you mad genius." That familiar voice again!

I continued to blink, and soon all the voices cut out and I panicked. Was the white back?

Thats when I saw, really saw the depth to my surroundings.

Faces. So many faces. Different colors. So many features.

"She's extremely fragile right now . . . " A man with a voice like velvet announced.

I felt sleepy. Until a scent wafted into my nostrils. A scent I hadn't ever known to smell so amazingly sweet.

"Nessie, drink. Baby, can you open your mouth for me?"

I looked down. I found that physically using my body to look felt . . . strange. I wiggled my fingers until I could clench a fist. I was moving. I was seeing!

"Mouth?" The word tumbled past my lips. Was that my voice?

My brain was moving at snails pace but at the same time it felt faster than anything that happened in the white.

"Jacob, she's in a minimally conscious state. You need to give her time." This voice was soft. I liked this voice.

"Jacob." I repeated that word. Or was it a name? I liked it. It felt good to say. "Jacob." I said it again.

There was a pressure on my hand, and my fingers flexed in response. Eyes darting down. Russet against alabaster.

"She's not completely connecting everything. This is normal." That velvet voice whispered just loud enough to hear.

In that moment, complete clarity found me. My mind raced with memories; moments. The flash of green foliage in a densely packed terrain, echoing around it was a melodic laughter. The laugh was dancing as it whizzed around the terrain. The thumping of a heart is heard; loud and strong. Panting. Animalistic and foreign.

My mind jumped to a crackling warmth, shimmying between walls of brick. Flames licking the red stone, glowing orange and yellow against those same russet and alabaster textures. A touch of skin is felt, faint and tender. Similar to the pressure on my hand.

My eyes closed, and I was happy to see the stark contrast of black behind my lids and not that god awful white.

I felt warm all over; like there was heater toasting me from the tip of my nose to the tips of my toes. It was the memories I had lost in the white. All the moments I had mourned for were back, and they were brighter than ever before. It was a reel of my life playing behind closed lids, from my very first breath to my last. I had died, and I knew that now. I had died in the snow, my blood pooling out and staining the very white I cursed. It all made sense now.

I allowed my eyes to open; to be reborn. I focused my vision, really trying to maintain sight on one face in particular. The rest faded away, on their own will. We were alone.

"My Jacob." I spoke directly to him. The face I had worked so hard to picture was staring right back at me; toffee eyes pooling into my own. Tears ran down his rosy cheeks and the brightest smile broke out on his face. The white of his grin did not frighten me.

He dropped his head into my lap, and instinctively my fingers found their place, weaving into his hair. "My Jacob." I repeated, softer this time.

He was openly sobbing, clutching my thighs where his face was smothering between. His massive frame was actually shaking.

He allowed himself to still, taking a few calming breaths before lifting his head to peer into my eyes. They were red rimmed, but still just as beautiful.

"Nessie - Honey, can you understand me?"

His sweetness was ever-present.

I tugged on my bottom lip, bringing it between my teeth to wet it before I spoke. "I'm alive."

Jacob choked on a breath, but quickly regained his composure. "Yes, Nessie. You're alive. You're alive."

"How long?"

My brain had more elaborate questions, but I knew the connection was repairing itself. My mouth spoke simply for now. Jacob would understand what I meant, I knew that. He always understood me.

"You were . . . gone for eleven minutes. Kate kept bringing you back with-"

"Shocks." I interrupted, remembering the disruption of peace I kept trying to find.

"Yes, honey. It stopped working for eleven minutes, so we did CPR until Carlisle could get to us. I don't know how he and Edward did it but they got you breathing again. Are you understanding this?"

I only nodded, because for some reason I couldn't say yes. I did understand. But, I also didn't to an extent. I had been dead for eleven minutes. Is that how long I was in the white for?

"The day?"

"It's New Years Eve, honey."

"That's not eleven minutes." I was honest. He said eleven minutes - so how had a week gone by?

Jacob squeezed my hand, bringing it to his mouth and kissing it slowly. He kept his lips hovered on my skin, the sizzle felt nice.

"Ness, it's a lot. We don't need to talk about it all right now."

I pulled my hand away and the sharpness of the movement stole my breath. I felt angry.

"Talk." I deadpanned.

"Nessie . . . " He was warning me, but hestitantly.

"Tell me!" I shouted, lifting myself from the position I was reclined in. It felt unnatural to move that quickly. How strange after years of superhuman speed to feel uncomfortable if I moved.

I felt manic as I looked around, seeing the only color I hated more than anything surround me. White walls, white flooring, white medical equipment. Was I back in the white? Was my brain tricking me?

I was getting angrier. And angrier.

"Renesmee, look at me." The voice that was calming me now commanded me. I felt compelled to listen. I snapped my eyes to his and saw the true depth to his now dark eyes. "Mama, I can hear you in there. I know you're confused and it's frustrating you. I feel it. You were in some form of a coma, and that's hard for a lot of us to wrap our heads around - especially you. Do you understand?"

"Stop." I whimpered the word, closing my eyes as I fell back against a soft cushion. I didn't like that question. Do you understand?

"Will you drink this for me?" I watched him bring a styrofoam cup towards my face, it was also white.

I must have made a revolted expression, because Jacob smirked.

"It's blood, honey. I think you need it. Will you try it?" He asked, a single brow quirked as he jiggled the cup in front of me. The scent wafted towards me as the contents sloshed inside.

I felt a burning in my throat, and instinctively my hand reached for the cup. I ignored the straw and ripped the lid off, gulping down its chilled, sweet contents in a matter of seconds.

A brisk knock resounded in the air, and following the sound was the flurry of my family.

I slowly connected my eyes with them, matching names to faces.

"Dad. Mom." I greeted, bringing my hands up to reach for them. Daddy was at my side in an instant, bringing me against his ice cold body. It wasn't a crushing embrace, but it was strong enough to remind me I was really here. I was alive.

"Renesmee." He spoke softly, almost in a chiding tone. "I thought I lost you."

"We thought we lost you." A humming voice spoke out behind him. Two small hands grasped my face over his shoulders. I opened my eyes to meet the golden honey eyes of my mother, who's face was crumpled with worry. If it was possible, my vampire mother looked tired.

"I tried to remember." I blubbered, my body becoming overwhelmed with emotion and distress. Tears flurried down my cheeks, and just as quickly as they fell they were being swiped away by my mothers chilled thumbs.

"I know." Dad confirmed softly, the solemn tone to his voice could not be missed. "We worked as fast as we could."

"I was bitten." I wailed louder, going limp in his arms. "I was bitten, and I couldn't breathe. I was choking. Then it was white, it was all white!"

A sudden crash of calm surrounded me. My hysterical thoughts died out and were replaced with feelings of joy and ease.

"Jasper." I croaked, opening my eyes enough to glance at him. He pursed his lips, but the feeling remained.

"You have to stay calm, Renesmee. You're still healing, my little nudger." Momma spoke to me directly, brushing the hair away from my eyes.

Grandpa walked over, another styrofoam cup in hand. He looked pained, which was unusual from his usually calm demeanor.

"How are you feeling, Renesmee?" He asked me politely, handing the cup to my mother who brought the straw to my lips. I was still slumped against my father, who pulled me down in a cradled position like he did when I was a child. I didn't mind.

I sucked down the blood, slower than before. My stomach was expanding with every gulp.

"I feel . . . okay." I offered reluctantly.

"You're still a hybrid, so that's good news." A husky voice interrupted, following it was a snort. My eyes glanced across the room to see Seth leaning against the door frame. "You look like shit."

A chair squealed against the tiled floor, my eyes darted to see Jacob crouched, growling rather menacingly.

"Seth." He warned.

Carlisle cleared his throat, unnecessary for a vampire. He was just trying to clear the tense air. My eyes were narrowed slits at my friend, who was displaying his ever present little shit smirk.

I wonder if he can knock 'watching a friend come back to life from the dead' off his dumb list.

His eyes went wide as he stood up straighter. "Holy shit!"

Dad's frozen body went even stiffer, and he took the liberty to tuck me back into the bed as he stood.

"I just heard your voice in my head!" Seth yelped, doubling over panting as he gripped his knees. He stood again, and looked at me manically.

"Seth, she projected her thoughts." My father announced, shock dripping from his lips. "She projected without touch."