~~Charlotte~~
I woke up in the strange bed feeling well rested for the first time in a long time. A beam of sunlight hit my face just right to cause me to squint and turn my head away. I became all too aware of Sidney still gripping onto my hand as if he might perish if he let go. He still sat in the chair leaning his head against the bed while he slept. As bad as I felt that he had to sleep in that position all night, I was delighted he was still here with me. As much as he might perish if he had to let go, I feared the same for myself.
For weeks I'd been trying to suppress my feelings for him. Trying to tell myself I could get over him, I could move on, I didn't love him; not truly. Yet, with every day that passed, I only became more and more aware of how much I was lying to myself. I was hurting myself by trying to force my feelings away.
When I woke up in the middle of the night to find Sidney next to me, I knew in that moment I had to profess my feelings for him. I couldn't deny it any longer. For the first time in a very long time, I felt relief. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I wanted to believe it was the same for him. In some way, we would find our way back to each other, even if there were still obstacles in our path.
I brushed my fingertips against my lips, remembering the kiss we had shared in the night. I smiled remembering it. I had been dreaming of our first kiss for so long, everyday trying to relive it in my mind, yet trying to suppress it at the same time. In the night, he barely brushed his lips against mine, which wasn't enough for me. I remembered boldly leaning towards him and kissing him again, deepening the kiss, consuming his mouth with mine, feeling like I needed him like air in my lungs. All sense was lost, until it wasn't. I became aware of where we were and what we were doing. I had to pull away and put some distance between us. How much I wished I could continue to kiss him all through the night, but it would be far too improper. The mere fact he spent the night at my bedside was even improper. I prayed it wasn't something someone in the house would gossip about.
I squeezed Sidney's hand and lightly combed my fingers through his hair with my other hand. He took a deep breath in as he sat up to look at me. He smiled and rubbed my fingers with his thumb. I smiled back at him, knowing our love for each other was enough to get us through anything. We had made promises in the night. We had declared ourselves to each other. We were whole together.
"How do you feel this morning?" he asked.
"Much better."
He brought my hand to his lips. I watched his mouth kiss my knuckles, wishing he was kissing my mouth instead.
"I fear I dreamt last night's conversation," he admitted.
"If you did, I had the same dream."
He smirked and nodded his head. "I think I like us having the same dreams, the same hopes, the same future."
I sat up in the bed, turning slightly towards him and joined both of our hands. "What are your dreams for us?" I asked.
He leaned against the bed, coming within inches from my face. "Together. Happy. Married."
I smiled. "What about your hopes for us?"
He grinned, looking unquestionably happy. "Together. Happy. Married."
I laughed. "And our future?"
He chuckled and ducked his head for a moment before looking back at me, with his head turned to one side and looking serious, but in a good way. "Together. Happy. Married."
I took a in deep breath, breathing him in and filling every sense with only him. Our eyes were connected in a way only lovers would look at each other. I had every intention of kissing him again in that moment, until the creak of the door opening broke us from our trance. He sat back in the chair and released my hands from his. The pain I felt at his release, was overwhelming. I wished to never be separated from him again.
"You don't have to hide around me," Alison said from the doorway with a grin on her face. "I've come in here multiple times during the night. It's not as if I don't know."
Sidney sighed in relief and reached for my hand once again. I felt whole again once my hand was back in his.
I smiled at my sister as she came to the other side of the bed. "Are you feeling better this morning?"
"Much better. Thank you."
"You gave us all quite a scare. It's a very good thing mother and father aren't here. Mother would have been grief stricken. Mr. Parker here hasn't left your bedside all night. I was given a room down the hall so I could stay close to you."
"I just needed to rest. I admit, I've probably been doing too much lately, and my emotions have been a little all over the place as of late. I'm sorry if I scared you, but I truly am fine," I assured.
"No reason to dwell on it any longer. As long as you are well is all that matters," she said smiling and brushing my forehead like mother used to do to us when we were little and not feeling well.
"Thank you, Alison."
"How about some breakfast?" she asked.
"That would be lovely."
She walked out of the room but left the door open, so Sidney and I were not entirely alone. I turned my attention back to him and he leaned forward to rest his elbows on the bed. He looked more serious and concerned.
"What is it?"
"I just thought of something," he said pensively. "Your family. Will they accept me?"
I smiled and stiffened a giggle. "My family will love you if I love you."
"Even if I am a poor man with nothing to offer you?" he asked sadly.
I brushed his cheek with my fingertips. "Even if you are a poor man. Besides, it won't be forever. You have plans to remedy that issue, don't you?" I asked.
"If all goes well, yes."
"Sidney, it'll all turn out. I have every faith of that truth. We will have our future together," I assured. He smiled and nodded his head in agreement.
"Heads up!" Babington said from the doorway. "Lady Denham is pulling up to the house."
Sidney let go of my hand and stood to his feet backing up to the end of the bed. Crowe and Alison walked into the room and Alison took the seat where Sidney had been sitting while Crowe stood at the end of the bed with Babington and Sidney. I sat up further in the bed and brushed my fingers through my hair. Esther walked in moments later with Lady Denham at her side.
"Ah, look at you. All better, I presume?" she asked.
"Much better, thank you," I said.
"Let's get you home and into your own bed, then?" she said.
"I think I will be fine to go into the building site today. I have some ideas to run past Mr. Robinson and Mr. Stringer."
To my surprise, there was a resounding no from everyone in the room.
"Perhaps Charlotte should rest here in bed for the day?" Esther suggested.
"Poppycock! Has fainting prevented the use of her legs?" she scoffed.
"No. But the doctor did say she needs to rest. She doesn't need to be moved right away," Esther argued.
Lady Denham looked around the room at everyone standing around me. "You expect her to rest with this crowd of people gawking at her? Why exactly are all of you here? I can understand Alison, as Charlotte is your sister, but Mr. Parker and Mr. Crowe, what is your purpose for being here?"
"Mr. Crowe and Mr. Parker have been our guests for many days now," Babington defended. "It's not their fault they just happened to be here when Miss Heywood fainted."
"I still must insist Charlotte return home at once," Lady Denham demanded.
"Lady Denham," I began. "I came out here yesterday to see Esther and check in on how she's doing with her pregnancy. I never got the chance to do so. Please allow me to stay for the day so I can visit with her."
"There will be plenty of time for that when you are feeling better."
"To be honest, Lady Denham," Babington interjected. "It would make me a great deal happier if Miss Heywood were to stay here for the day with Esther. The men will be working in town all day preparing for the Prince Regent's arrival. Esther has been dreadfully ill lately with her pregnancy. I'd feel better if she wasn't left alone."
"You have servants. She won't be alone," she argued.
"But it would be much more agreeable to have a friend rather than a servant to spend my day with," Esther added.
Lady Denham sighed and looked irritated. "Very well," she agreed. I glanced at Sidney who had a slight smirk on his face. "But I expect both you and Alison back this evening. I'm having a special dinner made."
"We will, Lady Denham," Alison agreed.
Babington escorted Lady Denham out of the room discussing the renovations he had commissioned for the house. I mouthed the words, "thank you" to Esther. She gave me an endearing smile before following Babington and Lady Denham out of the room. I could only imagine the type of care I'd receive from Lady Denham if I was to return today. She'd have me drinking sea water and ass's milk all while talking horribly about the Parker family, I assumed.
"I suppose I should be getting ready to leave," Crowe said sort of bashfully and slowly leaving the room. Clearly, he was waiting around for Alison to join him.
"Do you wish me to stay with you today?" Alison asked.
"You are entirely capable of making up your own mind."
"I'll stay if you think I should," she offered.
"I think I'll just rest as much as possible today so I can be back at the building site tomorrow. We only have a few days left before the Prince Regent arrives. I don't want to be laid up in bed for too long. I'll give everyone today, but I'll be back tomorrow."
"Then maybe I should go to give you time to rest?" She looked hopeful as if she actually wanted to go to the building site.
I laughed. "Go, Alison. I will be fine. If you don't go, Mr. Crowe might not know what to do with himself. He is rather attached to you."
She smiled bashfully and bit her bottom lip. "With every day that passes and every conversation we have, I feel like I'm falling more and more in love with him. There's no denying my feelings anymore."
"I'm happy for you. Although I do believe I saw this coming long before either of you did. It didn't go unnoticed how Mr. Crowe chose jobs at the building site that were always in close proximity of wherever you were. I'm not sure he even realized he was doing it."
Sidney laughed at the end of the bed, causing both of us to turn towards him. "It's still rather unbelievable to see Crowe so captivated by love."
"I'm fairly certain most people could say the same about you," I reminded.
He nodded his head in agreement. "What is it about the Heywood women that can make a man forever changed?"
I smiled at him. "I believe it's our ability to see past all the pretense and love regardless of the flaws."
He hummed and with a smirk. "Perhaps you're right." Our eyes connected in a trance only we were invited to. There was always so much unspoken between us, but our eyes said all we held back.
"I will be back this afternoon to collect you for our return to Lady Denham's," Alison said, squeezing my hand before standing from the chair and leaving the room. I distinctly saw her smile at Sidney, which was probably the first time I'd seen her be kind to him the entire time we'd been in Sanditon.
Sidney walked back over to the side of the bed and took my hand in his. "I pray I see you again before you return to Lady Denham's," he said, hopeful.
"I hope so too. I believe we have much to discuss," I said.
He gave me a sincere smile before leaning down and kissing my forehead. "Until this evening, then."
He walked out of the room and left me alone. I got out of bed and walked over to the window to watch him leave with Babington, Crowe and Alison. How much I wished I was joining them.
Esther walked in with a servant following behind her with a tray of food. "Back in bed and try to eat something," she insisted. "I promised my aunt I would watch over you."
I crawled back into the covers and settled in while the tray was placed in front of me. "What is it with Lady Denham? She has been acting as if she is my mother and has some right to tell me what to do and who I can spend my time with. I don't appreciate her meddling."
Esther sighed and sat down on the bed next to me. "I believe since she never had children of her own, she has this overwhelming sense to manage everyone else's lives. She tried to do it to me for years, but I wouldn't entertain the idea. That was when she brought in Clara Brereton to be her surrogate daughter. What my brother and Clara did deeply hurt her. She used that to guilt me into moving in with her after she nearly died. When I married, I think once again, she felt that loss of never having children of her own and needed to fill that void. She respects you and finds you amusing. Once you and Sidney marry, she will move on to some other young girl she can make her protégé. I assume after last night, promises of marriage were made between you and Mr. Parker?"
"Promises were made, but there's still so much standing in our way. The biggest obstacle being your aunt's demand of her money Sidney promised to pay in place of his brother," I answered.
"Perhaps I'll try to talk to her and soften her up a bit," Esther offered.
"She seems to have a grudge against the Parker family. I can slightly understand why, because of Tom's mistakes, but Sidney didn't have anything to do with it. If anything, he's been trying to fix it for everyone. Shouldn't she be happy he's at least trying?"
"I almost wonder if she has a grudge against Mr. Parker because it means he will be taking you away from her. I think, out of everyone she has taken under her wing, you have been her favorite."
"I'm her favorite?" I laughed, thinking it preposterous. "I wouldn't go that far."
"You underestimate yourself," she said. "Everyone takes a liking to you."
"Lady Denham is trying to marry me off to one of five brothers. I find your hypothesis a little far-fetched."
"She knows you're too headstrong for nonsense like choosing someone else. She is anticipating you'll have little interest in anyone but Mr. Parker."
"Then why would she demand he not ask me to wait for him? He could be gone for many years. Wouldn't it make sense for me to wait so then I'm under her careful watch until he returns?"
"I truly can't say. Perhaps she does have a grudge against him for some reason," she said.
"What am I supposed to do, then? Continue to let her run my life?" I wondered.
"You stand up to her and tell her your plans to marry Sidney Parker; as soon as possible I would hope. Why wait until he returns? Marry now and be done with it. You can still stay with Lady Denham while he's gone," she said with a smirk. How I wish that was possible.
"Enough about Lady Denham. How are you feeling?" I asked.
"Today has been a good day. Most days lately have been terrible. I can barely crawl out of bed. Dr. Fuchs gave me some sort of tea leaves yesterday. I was skeptical at first, but it actually seems to be helping."
"Illness in the first few months is all normal. It'll pass soon enough," I assured.
"I forget you are probably more knowledgeable on pregnancy and birth than anyone in Sanditon. I am looking forward to the day we can return to London. We were only scheduled to be here for a week to discuss renovations of the house. Then word of the Prince Regent's arrival caused my dear husband to wish to stay longer and see his old friend. I, on the other hand, have little interest in entertaining the Prince Regent."
"In your state, I can understand why," I sympathized. "I imagine I will have little interest in entertaining him either. I know his visit is good for the town and its future, but I'm not much into entertaining the higher class. I feel rather small in their presence."
"At least my aunt will be far too busy in those endeavors and perhaps will let up a little on you," she reminded.
Esther and I talked a while longer about her pregnancy and how she is feeling. We made plans for me to be present when she does have the baby. I imagined that would mean a trip to London as I didn't think they would stay in Sanditon much longer after the Prince Regent's visit was over. I had a feeling it would be many years before they would return. Once the baby comes, Esther would more than likely be inclined to stay close to home. I know my mother and father always thought it best to keep new babies at home away from anyone other than family for at least the first two years of life.
In the afternoon, we both had a nap and slept almost until the men and my sister returned. I only had a few moments to talk to Sidney before Alison and I made our way back to Sanditon House. I discussed with him how the building was coming along as I cared of little more while I couldn't be there and see for my own eyes. He assured me everything was going as planned and I had nothing to worry about. There were even five new houses taken up by visitors. It was hard for me not to worry while being away from the action, but I had to trust that Sidney he had it all under control.
When Alison and I returned to Sanditon House for dinner, it felt awkward. The last time I was in this dining room, I had gotten upset with Lady Denham and there had been little to remedy that anger I felt towards her.
After we ate, I said I was tired and returned to my room instead of joining Lady Denham and Alison in the drawing room. I didn't feel like being sociable with her knowing all she'd done to prevent Sidney and I being together.
The last couple of days leading up to the Prince Regent visit, I kept my distance from Lady Denham and focused solely on finishing the building projects, the party planning, and making sure everything was prepared for the arrival. Most everyone in the town were busily preparing for his visit and the expectation that he would bring along a large entourage of guests. Even Lady Denham was preparing for his visit, as she insisted he stay at her estate rather than in town. She had her entire serving staff cleaning every room and every surface. The library she had recently gutted was now blocked off with shelving and boards with decorative cloths draped across them, so it didn't look too conspicuous. Alison and I agreed to share a room while there were guests, so another room was freed up if it was needed. Lady Denham and I had, for the most part, put our differences aside and focused on the arrival.
The day before the arrival, Lady Denham came into town to see how the buildings were coming along. She was very pleased and looked rather proud of all we accomplished in such a short time.
"It's hard to believe you did all this, Charlotte," Lady Denham said.
"I didn't do it all. I was only one person among many who contributed," I replied.
"You need to give yourself more credit," she said almost as if she were reprimanding me. "Stand by what you've done. You've done a far better job than Tom Parker ever did."
"Lady Denham, may I show you what we've done to the assembly rooms to give them more space for the extra visitors?" Mr. Robinson asked, steering her away and towards the assembly rooms.
I lingered behind, looking over a few more last-minute touches before reaching the conclusion it was done. I felt Sidney's presence behind me even before I could see him. All of my senses were highly alerted to him as we had gotten closer over the last few days. It's been tricky trying to find moments alone while both of us so busy. Somehow, we were able to make it work as I was fully aware Alison and Mr. Crowe were able to do the same.
I glanced around to make sure no one was nearby before turning around and pulled behind a wall of a building. He smiled and took both my hands in is.
"What did Lady D think?" he asked.
"She's quite impressed with what we were able to accomplish. She seems pleased. None of this would have been possible without you," I reminded.
"None of this would have been possible without you," he countered. "Everything is coming together all thanks to you. To be honest, I'm only here because of you. If you hadn't scolded me in your family home when I came looking for Georgiana weeks ago, I wonder if I would have followed you back here."
"What would you have done instead?" I asked playfully.
"More than likely remained in London and wait for my death to come," he admitted which made me sad to think about. "I had already began having second thoughts about going through with the marriage to Mrs. Campion. The sheer thought of it was like prison. It felt as if I was suffocating. I wanted out of the engagement. I wanted to come back to you where I feel whole. Where I feel like myself. Where it's easy to be me. I felt powerless to do so."
"And what finally changed your mind?" I asked.
"I was informed by a good friend of yours that Mrs. Campion had dealings with the slave trade. She had been threatening Georgiana and causing her undo stress. When Georgiana ran away, after searching everywhere for her, Arthur was the one who suggested she may have gone to see you. I hopped on a horse so quickly and rushed to Willingden only to be brought back to reality when I saw you. In that moment, I knew there was no going back. I had to find another way. I had to be with you."
"And here we are, together, yet not quite together." I was trying to tease, but my tone was sadder than I planned it to be.
"I'll find a way, Charlotte. I will fix this," he assured.
"I know you will. I just worry about how long it'll take. I don't want to be separated from you for too long," I said.
"Give me two years. I'm hopeful it'll all turn around," he said.
"I'll give you as long as it takes. I'm only hoping it doesn't take that long," I said.
He smiled and looked down at our connected hands between us. "Are you looking forward to the arrival of Prince Regent and Lady Worcester?"
"I fear I will hardly sleep tonight," I admitted. "Everyone has done so much to prepare and it's paying off nicely. Before we know it, Sanditon will be the place to visit for all of England, perhaps even farther and wider."
"Please try to sleep. I don't need you fainting in front of the Prince Regent," he teased.
"Perhaps a fainting spell would bring more attention. Imagine the headlines in the papers. Frivolous girl faints in Prince Regent's arms during visit in Sanditon," I said, laughing.
He chuckled at my joke before growing serious again. "I must warn you. I saw Mrs. Campion arrive in Sanditon earlier today."
"Oh," I said sadly.
"More than likely she's here for the Prince Regent's arrival like everyone else. She may try to speak to me or go on as if we are still engaged. I want you to know, it doesn't mean anything. She knows I have no plans to marry her. I believe she is using the engagement as a ruse to gain favor in society. Once she finds someone new to marry, she will release me."
"I understand," I said.
"You said the same thing when I told you the news of the engagement. Please reassure me you know my affections for you are true and nothing will come between us."
"I promised you, I would not let anything tear us apart. I don't break promises," I assured.
He grinned and breathed a sigh of relief. "Perhaps your friend, Lady Susan will have some ideas on how to overcome all this."
"She very well might. She's very intuitive to what's going on in the world of high society."
"I'll let you get back to Lady Denham before she starts wondering where you are. Good luck tomorrow if I don't see you before then," he whispered before kissing my hand and darting off into the street.
I took a large breath in trying to prepare myself for everything that was about to happen. In the morning, the Prince Regent would arrive with Lady Susan. I was more eager to see her than the Prince Regent. I had an inkling she would be rather pleased to discover what had transpired between Sidney and me.