She cut an imposing figure. Flanked on both sides by this small army of his Cyber Masters as she watched him slowly come back into consciousness, stood just outside the paralysis field. She mirrored how he had stood over her when their roles had been switched. She had that look on her face. He was scared by it. His hearts beginning to race as he looked around the best he could without being able to turn his head, searching for hope of escape but he found nothing but the Doctor. Just the Doctor standing judgement over him.
"Is this what it comes down to Doctor?" he taunted, refusing to show fear to her, even now, "I win, if you do this, I win."
"Why do you think, every time me and you stand across from one another, that I want to kill you?" her head tilted, face still not betraying anything other than a blank contempt, "I find it funny that you still don't think there are fates worse than death." His hearts skipped a couple beats at those words, at the little smirk that appeared on her face. He swallowed nervously.
"So, what? You just leave me here? Stranded?"
"Trapped. You'll stay right here. Forever. Without hope. Without witness. Without rewards. Without any chance of escape, ever." She stepped closer still and lowered her voice, so only he could hear if there were anyone else in the room with them, "brace yourself, Master," She raised the hand still holding his TCE, "because this is gonna hurt." He could only watch as she pressed the button down to activate the Matrix. He could do nothing as he felt himself being forced into it.
The Master began screaming in agony. Every twitch of his body showing just how hard he was trying to fight the paralysis, or perhaps the mental anguish just caused the involuntary movements, but it was fruitless. The screams echoed throughout the pantheon.
The Doctor turned, ready to leave, when the screams had stopped, and the Master began pleading with her. Desperate cries, pathetic sounding.
"Please, Doctor. Please don't do this. Please." She froze. Still turned away from him and refused to look back to him, "please. Let me go. I'll go with you. Just not this"
She took in a deep breath, closed her eyes, a single tear squeezing out the corner of her eye before her expression schooled itself into something dark and unreadable. She continued walking, the Cyber Time Lords marching into a circle around the Master, standing guard. She stopped next to the one stood nearest the stairs and reached into her pocket and pulled out the death particle explosive device she'd picked up from the table in the mind wipe room. The Cyberman's hand lifted and took it from her as she held it out. Its hand sat there, thumb just inches from the detonator.
Her gaze moved back to the Cyberman, "if he gets out of that, you don't hesitate." The Cyberman looked down at the device in its hand then back up at her before looking ahead once more at the Master who was still screaming in his blue light prison.
"I obey." The Doctor's jaw quivered, just minutely, and then she proceeded to try and struggle up the stairs, squaring her shoulders through the pain. She ignored his screams and stepped through the doors and pushed them shut behind herself. Stumbling against them with a stuttering breath as the sound of his screams was blocked out by the doors.
"Doctor?" Yaz asked softly, but the Doctor waved her off gently with a squeeze of her shoulder and then began hobbling down the corridor to head outside and join the others near all the TARDISs. She saw her other selves, most of the younger ones already standing at their TARDISs with their companions already ushered inside. Her first incarnation, the first she knew of in this lifetime at least, gave her a knowing nod and, once she'd returned it, he simply tipped his hat and stepped into his TARDIS and within a few moments the ship disappeared.
"I suppose that's this rotten business take care of? At least the best as it can be." Her second self approached her, along with her third, his hands fumbling with each other, a forced smile on his face, "let's just hope there's no lasting damage- er…" he trailed off as he looked her over, as if realising the state that she was in and what was about to happen to her once she reached her TARDIS again, "well, serious damage mentally."
"At least I'll pick up on some tact and grace as we get older, hm?" her third self muttered sarcastically, ignoring the half-hearted dirty look tossed his way from their younger self.
"Anyway, that is to say, good luck Doctor." He reached forward to give her hand a hearty single shake, a move copied by his future self before both men stepped back into their respective TARDISs and took off.
Her next few selves seemed more interested in getting one last look at the destroyed remnants of their home, all more than happy to get back inside their TARDISs and take off so that the timelines could repair themselves and make them forget.
It was her eighth self who stood waiting on her, and she paused next to him to allow him to speak. It was also to allow herself to catch her breath as the pain in her head flared up once more but he spoke up with little more than a sympathetic expression on his face.
"I thought when I arrived that this destruction was caused by the war. It… I mean, I wish it wasn't destroyed at all, it's some small relief that it had time after, at the very least."
"Only some. It was close though." She told him and he frowned at her, "they still need a little help." He just looked unhappy at that response and murmured to her quietly.
"I'm afraid I'd need to think on it some more. Good luck." She nodded to him and continued stumbling along towards her ship. He watched her go for a moment or two before sighing heavily and turning into his ship and disappearing like all the others.
She'd almost gotten there. Her TARDIS was in sight. So painfully close to her that she could almost reach out and touch it. But her body gave out on her, her mind screaming in agony from both the Master's torture and from the Cyberium making itself at home inside her and seeping itself deep into every dip and crack in her brain. She'd been able to stand this when she'd been at full strength. But the Master's work had already fried her brain almost into full uselessness. She didn't have any strength left to draw upon.
She collapsed onto her hands and knees, fingers fisting in the red sand. Gasping in a pained breath as hands were suddenly on her. One in particular lifted her arm around someone's shoulders to help her to her feet.
"I've got you, Doctor." She glanced to her right, to where the voice came from and smiled the best she could through the pain. Yaz was staring ahead at the TARDIS, determination on her features as she carried her towards her ship. Another hand moved her other arm around their shoulders and she looked and found Graham at her other side, spotted Ryan ahead, waiting to open the doors for them.
"Is there anything we can do, Doc?" Graham asked.
"Just get me to the TARDIS." She told him and her companions obliged. She spotted her tenth self, saw him cast one last longing glance towards Rose Tyler as she was coerced into the TARDIS by her ninth, before the man turned to Donna and muttered to her gently as he pushed open the door behind them to his TARDIS.
"Nothing we can do now, it's all up to her. Come on." Donna shot her another worried glance but complied with her version of the Doctor and stepped inside. He cast the destroyed remnants of his home one last sad glance and then swallowed hard and followed her in. His TARDIS disappeared also.
Her eleventh self's TARDIS was long gone. The man had left as soon as he'd woken from the Matrix. She imagined the memories of what he'd been shown had been too much. Ever the Doctor, running from the truth. Running from anything that made them feel.
The version of her she'd been before was stood, leaning against the side of his ship, watching her as she went by. Bill peering out before she was ushered inside by Nardole, the small man clucking at her like a concerned mother hen who closed the door behind them. River stood closer to her TARDIS, watching her with clear concern on her face.
"River." Her wife stepped towards her and the Doctor began to struggle to unstrap the vortex manipulator from her wrist, her breathing laboured and her fingers slipping, until River moved to help her and the Doctor's figure slumped in relief as she could stop the painful motions.
"I've got it." The other woman reassured her gently.
"I need you to do something for me." The Doctor told her quietly, pointing to the manipulator as River slid it back onto her arm.
"Anything."
"When you return this, and you will. I know, spoilers shh." The two shared a knowing smile with one another before the Doctor forced herself to focus and continued, "when you return this, I need you to give Jack the instructions to find me. Tell him to tell me 'beware the lone Cyberman. Don't give it what it wants.' He needs to know to try and come find me back then. Start all this. He'll get involved with the resistance, but I'd feel better with you on the case."
"Of course." River sent her a wink and smiled sadly at her, "bye, my love." She backed away a few steps then headed towards the version of the Doctor with the eyebrows, catching him right as he was about to step into his TARDIS, "any chance of a lift?"
"What'll you give me if I do?" she just laughed as his sarcastically flirty response and he simply winked at her with a smile and stepped back to allow her to step inside. The door closed behind them and the TARDIS disappeared.
"Come on, in you get." Graham muttered softly when they finally reached her TARDIS and she all but lurched inside as the Cyberium reacted angrily to the thoughts of being confined as she had planned. She cried out; her Fam caught her and hurriedly got her inside.
"What do we do? How do we help?" Ryan was panicking, pacing back and forth at the doors as Yaz and Graham lowered her to the ground carefully next to the console.
"You're alright love, it's gonna be okay." Graham wasn't faring much better, but he at least was trying to keep his wits about him.
"You all need to get back." She commanded best she could, struggling to sit up and reach for the console. She began tugging almost immediately at one of the small drawer compartments at the bottom of it, struggling until Yaz moved over to help her. She was the only one still keeping her head about her, that police training coming in handy.
"What do you need?" she asked.
"Thanks," the Doctor told her quickly and reached in for the small square box that looked like one of those trap boxes you found in gift shops, and she pushed it open with fumbling fingers, looking to Yaz as she forced herself to her feet, "Get back." Yaz nodded and stepped away and the Doctor took in a heavy breath and released the Cyberium from her brain. It withdrew quickly, no longer wanting to be held inside of her but it was only free for a moment before the Doctor pressed down on a button that was on the side of the box in her hand and the Cyberium was sucked into it. She quickly slid it shut and dropped it back into the drawer without much ceremony before leaning heavily against the console with a pain noise as she clutched her head.
"Doctor?" Ryan started to question, "what's wrong? What did the Master do to you?"
"He tried to wipe my mind. Nothing that hasn't happened before though." She gave out a strained sounding forced laugh, ducking her head as she gripped the edge of the console so tightly that her knuckles began to turn white.
"What's that mean?"
"Just something the Master told me. About what the Time Lords did. To me."
"What did they do?" Yaz asked, tears already gathering in her eyes as her frustration threatened to bubble over. When the Doctor didn't answer, when she just stayed silent, Yaz asked again, her voice harder this time, demanding an answer, "what did they do you?"
"They made me forget." The Doctor finally spat it out, tears gathering in her eyes, her voice shaky and wavering as she leaned heavily on the console to support her weight, "I had a whole life before. I was the start of the entire Time Lord race and I don't remember any of it cause they wiped my mind of everything and restarted my life. I only know what the Master showed me in the Matrix. The rest was lost."
"Oh, Doc." Graham sounded speechless, all three of them looked it. His face falling into something pity filled and the Doctor continued, near choking on her words.
"Ruth was me. She'd turned herself human to escape the Time Lords. And Lee, whoever he was. He died for me, and I don't even remember who he is." Her voice broke, her gaze flickering to her companions, lost and horrified, "How many people did I forget? Who else did that for me? Who else gave their lives protecting me? Who loved me? How many promises did I make that can't ever be fulfilled because I don't remember any of them?" She took in a few heavy breaths, trying to stretch over to begin inputting the controls needed to take them to the vortex but one stretch over for a lever a little too far over and she gasped in pain, stumbling as her knee gave out and her head throbbed in a pain that spread all across her body. She collapsed onto her knees, her upper half still clutching to the console. She held out a hand to quickly stop the Fam who all moved to assist her, "no, don't. Just stay back. It won't be safe in a moment; I don't want you getting hurt. No more. I can't take any more." She leaned forward; her forehead pressed against her folded arms on the console, "I kept thinking," she continued, her voice a soft near whisper now, "about all those people I forgot. About how their sacrifice must mean next to nothing now, because no one remembers it. And I thought about all my friends, all the people who have sacrificed themselves now. I thought about forgetting them, about forgetting you, and-" she was cut off as her voice broke and a sob tore its way out of her throat, "gods, it just feels like my whole life has been a lie. I'm the Timeless Child. I'm older than Time Lord civilisation itself, and we were one of the first civilisations in the universe. Why can't I remember?"
"Why didn't you tell us?" Yaz's broken sob matched her own, tears squeezing out down her cheeks as she watched the Doctor break down. Graham looked as though he wanted nothing more than to gather her up in a big grandfatherly hug and not let her go, Ryan frowned, watching with watery eyes filled with sadness for her.
"Because that would've made it real. I've spent my whole life running, Yaz. Running from responsibilities, running from home, running from grief and love and everything in between because it was so much easier than sitting still and remembering. Running meant I didn't have to remember, and that maybe one day I'd start to forget the hurt. You saw how that version of me in the bowtie ran. I can only imagine what the Master showed him in the Matrix. It was always easier to forget. But I know what forgetting is now, and I don't want to do that anymore." She cast her gaze towards them suddenly, eyes wide and filled with more tears and desperation, "how could I forget any of you. The Master almost made me forget you. I don't want to ever forget any of you. My Fam. I've had 3000 years to try and forget, being made to forget, who I am and where I come from and I don't want that anymore." Her eyes closed over, her head tilting upwards as her words pleaded to herself, "let me remember. Please. All this life, safe in my hearts, I remember it all. Every smile and every tear and every loss and so much love and I refuse to forget anything else. Please remember, Doctor." Her eyes opened, a smile on her face as she looked over to her friends, the tears gathering in her eyes as she continued addressing herself as she spoke, "please remember them. Remember all of them." She wasn't talking about just the Fam anymore, "every moment I spent with all of them. Don't forget one day. Not even the bad ones. Cause my friends have always been the best of me, even when I couldn't see it. So please just remember it. Remember the ones that came before as well. To all the people that knew the Doctor before I was made to forget. All those lifetimes that disappeared to cowards' wills. Remember."
She squeezed her eyes shut tight, the Fam all watching on with tears in their eyes as the Doctor struggled to her feet, gave them one last smile, then seemed to explode in a bright golden light in front of them. This version going, being replaced by another face, like had happened to all the ones they'd met before.