Most of the next week passed studying Trigedasleng with Octavia and although I tried my best, I couldn't help the feeling that I wasn't absorbing anything. I returned to Bellamy every evening with a blaring headache and although he was exhausted by his responsibilities with the guard, he could somehow still find the energy to draw me into the comfort of his body. There was never any conversation about my residence in camp and we didn't discuss finding a place for me with the others in dorms. Instead, we simply fell into a routine that seemed natural and his continued company provided a comfort that I depended on.
This morning Bellamy was summoned to a meeting with Kane and I dressed for another mentally draining day of training with Octavia. I strolled across the courtyard on route to the dorms to check on Jasper, as I did every few days. From the moment that I stepped into this small wing of the dorms and found Monty sitting in an obvious state of stress, I knew that something was wrong. Monty gazed up at me with tired eyes and I felt my stomach twist with anxiety.
"Hey, I was going to check on Jasper but it looks like you could do with some TLC right now." I explained as I inspected him with concern and he released a long sigh.
"It's not really the best time to visit him, I'm pretty sure he's asleep." Monty commented in a drained tone and I hummed in response to allow him the chance to get his feelings off his chest. "He was pretty frantic last night so I slipped him a sleeping pill. I don't know what else to do for him, he's just not getting any better." Monty breathed with a clear exasperation and I shuffled on my seat. I could easily recognise the strain of the situation in his tense posture and my heart ached for him.
"He's been through a lot. Mount Weather was traumatic for us all." I stated in a non committal attempt at comfort that only seemed to come across as disingenuous. Monty nodded with a distant expression and I attempted to find something helpful to say. "Plus he lost Maya right at the end of it. Grief is a long process, it'll take time." I advised as I met his eyes with a gentle, supportive smile and he leaned forward to position his elbows on his knees.
"You were out of bed by now." He declared in a quiet voice as he spoke toward the ground, avoiding my reaction and I shrugged in response.
"I had suspicions that my only remaining family were in danger. I only left that room because I needed to investigate, you can't compare the situations. I know it's difficult Monty. I can't imagine how hard it is to just watch him going through this, but all we can do is keep being there for him." I clarified in an effort to guide him away from expecting to hit the same milestones as my experience and he nodded guiltily at me. "You had it pretty rough in there too, cut yourself some slack. How are you adjusting?" I investigated as I carefully examined him. He stared thoughtfully into the distance and I found myself wondering if anyone else had thought to check on him.
"It's not easy." He started and I held my hands out to gesture for him to elaborate. It was important to me that he was given a chance to receive support too; he was often so busy offering wisdom to everyone else that I doubted anyone considered his needs. "Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful to be out of there and back with our own people. It's just that...well it's not quite the same as before, is it? We lost people, they lost people. It's not just our little camp anymore. There's all these rules and procedures and now we're just the kids again, as if we didn't just spend months fighting for our lives." He ranted with a gradually building frustration behind his words and I remained silent as I listened attentively.
"And now, my best friend is completely broken and I can't fix him. You know, the only time he speaks to me at the moment is to remind me that I helped to kill those people. He's right, I did have a part in that and I have to live with that, which is hard enough already without the constant guilt trips. It's exhausting, dealing with his behaviour and covering for him so that he doesn't get in trouble for laying there being a fucking vegetable." He spat and although I was surprised by his outburst, I maintained my calm exterior as he had done countless times for me. "Sorry Indie, I didn't mean to say all of that. You've got your own shit to deal with." He grumbled sheepishly and I released a gentle chuckle.
"It's okay, you clearly needed it." I remarked with an air of amusement. It was strange to see Monty depart from his wise, calm exterior, even if only temporarily. "Feel better?" I asked and as he nodded, I noticed that his shoulders dropped some of their tension. "Now, what can I do to help? It's not right for you to deal with him alone. We're a family, we do this together." I offered in a determined manner as he sighed thoughtfully.
"I really don't know if there's anything you can do." He mumbled and I waited patiently whilst he visibly considered it. "Some of the other council members are getting frustrated with his absence in mechanical, they're low on volunteers. I'm doing what I can to fill in for him but there's only so many shifts I can work. I just need to get him active again." He spoke in a jumbled up manner that indicated that he was still thinking aloud and I smiled fondly at him.
"Well, I can't make him better any faster, but I've been restricted to light duties. I could cover his shifts for you. I'm not quite at Jasper's level of brainiac but if you can find someone to teach me the basics, I'll take the grunt jobs. Can't be as hard as you smart asses make it look." I teased as I elbowed him playfully and I felt a pang of sadness when I wasn't able to encourage a smile from him in return.
"I can't ask you to do that Indie." Monty mumbled as he avoided my gaze and his face contorted into a guilty grimace that seemed completely out of place on him. I couldn't stand the thought that he would rather suffer through so much alone than ask for help and so I leaned down to meet his eyes.
"You're not asking me to do anything. Jasper is family, I'm happy to help him however I can." I asserted. "Besides, what else am I busy with?" I argued and his tired eyes finally raised to meet mine with a relieved smile.
"I know a guy who owes me a favour… if you really don't mind, I can ask him to mentor you." He conceded and I nodded keenly in response. "But I'm not letting you take all of Jasper's shifts. You've done enough for this camp already, I want you to take some time to take care of yourself." He clarified in a firm voice and I laughed lightly at his protectiveness.
"I will if you do." I offered with a raised brow and he shrugged in defeat.
By the time I had survived my intense lesson with Octavia, I was ready to collapse. Now that Abby had declared me as fit for light exercise, we'd moved onto basic prep for combat training. Octavia was reluctant to fully spar with me, despite my insistence that I was feeling healthier and instead led me through simple footwork and postures. Regardless, it was unexpectedly tiring after months of allowing my body to deteriorate and I had to admit defeat earlier than usual. I returned to Bellamy's quarters for a fresh set of clothes after working up a sweat in my first outfit. I was surprised when he wandered inside and it was clear from his reaction that he hadn't expected to find me here. There was a nervousness in his demeanour as he viewed me which caused my stomach to flip with anticipation.
"You're back early, I thought you'd be busy with Octavia for a while yet." He stated as he met my gaze with an expression as if he'd been caught in the act and I could feel nerves building in my chest as I considered numerous situations that could be causing his unusual behaviour.
"Short lesson today. How was your meeting?" I asked as I cocked a brow at him suspiciously and he cleared his throat. I noticed that he shifted on the spot and rubbed at the back of his neck, which were his telltale signs of avoidance. He dragged his eyes back from the floor with an obvious reluctance and sighed deeply in a defeated manner.
"Kane's sending the guard out for a patrol. He wants me to lead the training group." He revealed with a hesitance in his tone that revealed he was expecting a negative reaction and I felt my posture stiffen despite my best efforts to contain it.
"When?" I hoped that if I kept my responses short that I could veil the intense anxiety I felt at this idea but my voice broke as the word left my lips and I cursed myself inwardly.
"This afternoon." He confirmed and I felt my heart jump into my throat. I stared back at him with wide eyes as I tried to gulp down my concern and he stepped closer with a reassuring smile. "It's only a simple scan of the area. He wants us to start mapping out our surroundings so we can set up regular patrols. We shouldn't be gone for long." He explained as I battled to suppress the fear that threatened to overwhelm me.
"Okay." I breathed with a forced tone of calm. Despite the crushing anxiety that I felt, I understood that I couldn't hold him in camp all of the time and that if I desired for life to return to normal, I had to trust him to remain safe. I felt nauseous as I reminded myself that I couldn't suffocate him and concentrated on controlling my nerves. "I get it, makes sense. Please be safe." I answered with a forced smile and he gently reached out to put a hand on my arm to stabilise me.
"I'll be okay." He asserted and I nodded nervously. "Will you?" He asked with his brows furrowing in concern. I knew that he was reluctant to leave me alone and smiled at his care.
"I'll manage. Monty's gonna fix me up with some shifts in mechanical, he needs help filling in for Jasper whilst he's...well, you know. So I'll focus on arranging that." I explained with an awkward shrug and I noticed a hint of guilt in Bellamy's face at the mention of Jasper's condition.
"Sounds good. I didn't realise that was a skill of yours." He winked playfully and I pushed him as I scoffed. He sighed thoughtfully and his smile faded before he spoke again. "He needs to get out of bed eventually. Maybe having a role will help him. I could add him to the guard training group?" He suggested and I hummed in consideration.
"I don't think he's ready for that right now." I muttered with a remorseful expression. "It's a good thought for the future though. He's always been brave, protecting camp might bring some of that back." I agreed and he nodded back.
"I've gotta round up the troops. I'll be careful, you make sure you do the same whilst I'm gone." He stated as he took my face in his hands and stared into my eyes with intensity.
"Don't take any risks out there Bel. I don't care what Kane says, you come back safe." I whispered and he smiled fondly before bringing his lips to mine in a lingering kiss. My hands found his arms to cling to and I subconsciously held him in place. It was only a simple outing, I acknowledged that I was being unreasonable but the anxiety bubbled in my chest regardless.
- O - O - O - O - O -
The moment that Bellamy left to prepare for the mission, I sought out Monty in an effort to occupy my mind and was stunned to discover that he was dressed in guard uniform. I couldn't prevent my worry from flooding into my face as I scanned him and when he met my eyes, he smiled encouragingly.
"You're going too?" I asked in a small, nervous voice and he nodded in confirmation. "Bellamy didn't mention that you were part of his group." I stated with sadness dripping from my words as he zipped up his guard jacket and I gulped at the crest glinting proudly on his chest.
"Yeah, Miller and Harper too. It'll be good to get out on missions again, I'm starting to feel like a hermit." He smiled genuinely and I recalled his words from this morning. It seemed that he needed this post more than I had initially realised and I tried not to allow my nerves to dampen his enthusiasm.
"Sounds like they took the full Mount Weather fighter crew. I'm glad you'll have those two to watch your back." I smiled as I spoke in an effort to conceal my feelings and strained to force my voice into a higher pitch. "Any chance you could set me up with this contact of yours before you head out? I could do with the distraction whilst you're all gone." I added in a forced casual tone and he shrugged.
"Thought you might. I've already prepared Knox that you might show up and he confirmed there is a shift this afternoon if you want it. Raven's going to keep an eye on Jasper whilst I'm gone so you don't have to worry about that either." He informed and I smiled at how well prepared he was for my anxiety. "We'll be alright, Indie. Bellamy will keep us safe and I'll keep an eye on him for you." He winked and I felt my eyes well up slightly with appreciation.
"Maybe you should keep an eye on Harper whilst you're out there." I teased, earning a playful slap on the arm.
- O - O - O - O - O -
The mechanical unit was bustling upon my arrival and it was difficult to seek out my new mentor with only a name. After wandering aimlessly for a while, I was approached by a young looking man with dirty blonde hair and blue eyes. He waved awkwardly as he neared and it was clear that he was a skittish personality.
"Hey, you must be Knox?" I addressed him with an uncertain expression which earned a nervous smile when he reached me.
"Indigo?" He asked and I nodded in confirmation. "Monty's told me a lot about you. Come on, I'll show you our work room." He explained quietly and I followed as he shuffled through the halls. We arrived in an area of the unit that appeared to be an old hangar and he led me to a corner that was separated by rows of shelves containing numerous boxes of supplies, surrounding a large workbench. "This is our new office. I've gotta ask, how much experience have you got with these kinda tasks? Were you on Mecha?" He enquired with a friendly interest in his smile and I shrugged.
"No, actually I grew up on Arrow station, sector B." I revealed and noticed that he hummed in understanding as his expression became sympathetic. Everyone knew that Sector B was badly maintained and practically falling apart. The only families who resided there were those of little importance and stature. It was equal only with the sector that Bellamy and Octavia grew up in and I had often considered whether our shared understanding of the struggles of growing up under that kind of strain was the foundation for our bonds. "But it was just my mother and I, so most of the fixing things were down to me. So I guess you could say...some limited experience, but a ton of enthusiasm?" I clarified with a light tone and he chuckled under his breath.
"Well, enthusiasm always helps. Let's get started on some basics." He remarked as he led me to the workbench.
I spent the rest of the afternoon working on simple, repetitive tasks with Knox, who gradually opened up to me with my continued persuasion. He revealed that he had grown up on Agro station with Monty and Jasper and as a result he knew the two of them well. Their time on Earth had changed them substantially from how he remembered them, but he still considered them friends and, like me, he wished to help Jasper however he could.
By the time that it became dark outside the guard group still hadn't returned and I found myself growing restless. I was relieved to finish the shift and hurried to the boys quarters to investigate whether Raven had heard anything from them. When I entered their dorm, she seemed exhausted and barely managed to confirm that there had been no word from the group between Jasper's manic outbursts in the background. She sighed in exasperation as she explained that she hadn't expected to be on babysitting duty for this long and I offered to take her place until Monty and the others returned. She practically snapped my hand off in enthusiasm at this offer and bolted from the space, leaving me alone with Jasper. I pulled up a chair to sit nearby as he paced the room in an anxious state and watched him with sympathetic eyes.
"What can I do to help you Jasper?" I spoke in a gentle voice in fear of startling him and he halted in place as he turned to view me with wide eyes.
"Nothing!" He hissed with an outraged expression and I held my position firmly against his aggression. "You can't take the pain away, no one can. How am I supposed to carry on after what happened?" He rambled as he resumed pacing and tugged at the roots of his hair obsessively.
"I don't know, I don't have the answers for you. Did you think any more about your new focus?" I suggested in a calm tone and he scoffed at me scornfully.
"I can't think about it. I can't think about anything other than Maya's face as she died in my arms. Don't you remember what it's like? Or have you forgotten now that you have your precious Bellamy back?" He spat in an accusing tone and I felt my back straighten defensively. Monty had mentioned he could be a handful but I was surprised by the extent.
"I won't ever forget how that felt or how lucky I am to be in the situation that I am now. I understand how you feel Jasper, I know that you're hurting and I'm trying to help you." I appealed to him gently and was shocked when he viewed me with a disdain that made my stomach twist.
"You want to help me? I doubt you can even concentrate with Bellamy still out of camp. I know how one track minded you are when it comes to him. How can you even think about helping me when you're sitting here pining over your boyfriend who gave the order to kill all of those people. He's a fucking murderer!" Jasper's voice gradually raised from a spiteful hiss into furious yelling and I was stunned at his behaviour. I had hardly ever seen him so much as raise his voice before and although I understood that he was grieving, I didn't recognise the person standing in front of me.
"In case you've forgotten, so am I! I was when I arrived and I've lost track of how many people I've killed since then." I reminded him with a firm voice and watched his temper finally begin to calm at my words. "We've all done things since we arrived here that we would never have imagined ourselves doing. The cost of survival has been high and some people in particular have had to make decisions which are way outside of their experience. Bellamy, Clarke, all of the leadership have done the best they can in impossible situations, I would expect you to understand that better after the responsibility you had in Mount Weather. You don't have to agree with their choice, but it's done now. Grieving or not, you do not get to punish them for it forever Jasper. Your feelings don't give you a free pass to be a dick and that goes especially for your treatment of Monty." I advised and fixed him with a stern look as he became sheepish under my scrutiny. "You want to be angry with someone? Be angry with me, I can take it. But you need to stop pushing everyone else away. We all care about you, let us help." As I finished speaking, I witnessed his face crumble to upset and fresh tears rolled down his cheeks.
"It just...it hurts all the time. How do I make it stop?" He struggled to get the words out between the frantic sobs that wracked his chest and I rushed forward to pull him into a tight embrace. He surrendered himself into my grip as I placed a hand on the back of his head and could easily feel a few small sections where he'd already pulled hair out in his stress.
"I know my darling, I know. I wish I could make it stop for you." I whispered as I rubbed his back calmingly and waited for him to compose himself. By the time he leaned out of my grip, I had lost track of how long he had cried into my shoulder and I noticed that he immediately returned to tugging at his roots in a gesture of stress. I gently took his hand in mine and encouraged it away from his nervous habit. "You need to stop doing that, you'll have no hair left soon." I smiled tenderly at him as he dried his eyes.
"I'm sick of it, it's driving me insane. I need a change. I was thinking about shaving it off." He mumbled and as he met my eyes I struggled to contain my horror at this idea. "I...I know you said you wanted to help me, I can't do it myself. I have the graders already. Could you...do you mind doing it for me?" He requested with an evident vulnerability in his voice and I felt dread forming in my stomach. I truly wanted to assist him in any way that I could, but this felt like such a betrayal to the young, naive Jasper, who I still remembered pushing back his scruffy mane with a dorky set of goggles. The memory of his smiling, hopeful face caused my heart to ache as I looked into his eyes which revealed the same lifeless void that mine had shown only weeks ago.
"If it will help you, of course." I agreed as I forced a smile and noticed visible signs of surprise in his face. "It's just hair right, it grows back." I commented and he sighed with relief. Once I had witnessed his response, I became certain in my decision and set everything up for the task.
A wave of nerves crashed over me as I sat with Jasper on the floor between my knees and the graders in my hand. I took the last opportunity to run my fingers through his slightly patchy, scruffy locks to commit them to memory before I carefully ran the contraption through and watched the first clump of hair drop to the ground. Jasper's shoulders relaxed as if the hair itself was a weight lifted and I clenched my jaw in an effort to contain the tears that filled my eyes. I couldn't explain why this felt so significant a change, but as I worked through all of the hair, it felt as if I was letting go of all of the people we'd once been. My mind reflected on the changes in all of us in our time here, the suffering and hardship that we'd all had to endure and a bitterness that I had denied until now surged in my chest.
When I finished, Jasper stood to shake off the remaining hair and strode straight to a mirror to check my work. I sniffed back the tears and ensured that my calm facade was still in place. There was a hint of a smile in the corner of his lips when he returned to me and I treasured the feeling that I'd managed to restore it. He sat opposite me wordlessly and I glanced up at a clock to check the time. It was getting late and my stomach churned with anxiety as I considered what could have happened to the missing group. I turned my gaze back to Jasper with a sigh.
"Well, looks like I'll be sleeping here, if you don't mind. I'll go crazy waiting by myself." I admitted in an effort to conceal the fact that I was too afraid to leave him unsupervised and he nodded. "Not that I'll be doing much sleeping." I added in a small voice as I wrung my hands together nervously and Jasper rose to his feet to cross the room.
"Ah, I have a solution to that particular problem." He announced as he rooted around in the cupboards before he appeared gripping a familiar bottle. "Monty's private stash. Join me?"
Hours passed in the quiet room as Jasper and I sipped on moonshine and I obsessively stared at a walkie talkie that Raven had stolen for me. The group were still using the homemade set from our old camp and Jasper pointed out that they were only for short range use. I tried to comfort myself with the assurance that they were simply of our range and didn't allow my mind to obsess over the fact that they hadn't planned to travel far. Jasper fell asleep in a stressed heap and I was left with the remainder of the bottle, which had succeeded in making me tired as I intended, but was not enough to help me sleep off my terror. Eventually, I must have collapsed from a mixture of exhaustion and intoxication as I was overwhelmingly haunted by nightmares.
"Arkadia, this is Squad Blake. We're almost back at camp, prepare to open the gates." I woke with a start when the radio crackled and I stared at it with a rush of adrenaline. I felt my stomach flip at the sound of Bellamy's voice through the tinny speaker and leapt to my feet.
I darted from the room and out into the courtyard at the exact moment that the gates and the group were dragging themselves inside. Some of them were supporting each other to walk and they all appeared to have had a gruelling time outside. My gaze anxiously flitted over the team as they filtered inside and I was pleased to witness Harper and Miller seeming relatively unharmed. When Monty appeared I started to power walk toward the gate and as Bellamy finally shuffled inside at the back of the team, I broke into a jog.
I threw myself into his arms before he'd even registered my arrival and knocked him back in surprise. There were several chuckles from the group behind me but I ignored them as I squeezed Bellamy and he embraced me in return. After a few moments of reassurance I stepped back only to seize Monty in a similarly oppressive bear hug and he snorted in laughter at my display of affection. I extracted myself from the hug to view them both with exasperation.
"Where were you? You said you weren't going to be long!" I grilled as Monty shifted awkwardly out of my gaze and Bellamy simply flashed a guilty smile.
"I'm sorry for scaring you Love. Things didn't go to plan." He stated in a light tone as he tucked his hands into his pockets and I scoffed in frustration.
"No shit, longest night of my life." I commented firmly causing a chuckle from him, before I noticed the dark circles under his eyes and the unsteady form of his posture. "Looks like it was long for you too. Are you alright?" I asked in a softer voice as I scanned him closely for any signs of injury.
"It's been rough, but I'm fine. Better now I'm back with you." He remarked with a sneaky wink and I smiled fondly at him. "I've gotta debrief with Kane and will have to make sure all the equipment gets returned properly. Meet me in my room after?" He requested as he squeezed my arm affectionately and I could no longer hold my air of annoyance in the face of his sparkling smile.
"Sure, but I'm not sure when I'll be free. I've got another session with Octavia and I need to check with Knox when my next shift is." I thought aloud as I noticed some of the others were getting rather impatient as they waited for him. "I'll be there tonight, definitely." I confirmed as I stepped away but before I could get far he grabbed my arm to pull me back to him.
"Wait a second, who's Knox?" He enquired with a brow cocked at me in suspicion and I was surprised by the firmness of his grip.
"He's a friend of Monty's from the Ark, he's mentoring me so I can get up to speed with covering for Jasper." I explained casually and I noticed that Bellamy seemed displeased with this information. There was a darkness in his eyes that I hadn't seen before and I was thrown off guard by how quickly his attitude had changed.
"Wait, you started that already? I thought Monty was teaching you?" He grilled as he examined me closely and I shifted awkwardly under his scrutiny. I couldn't understand why he was behaving this way over something that I had been honest with him about and that was completely innocent in nature.
"No, I said Monty was going to arrange the shifts for me." I clarified as he furrowed his brows at me in disapproval, as if I had intentionally given him incorrect information. "Why are you being weird? I told you about this and you agreed it was a good idea." I recalled in a defensive tone as I crossed my arms at him and he scoffed in disbelief.
"Yeah, well, that was before I knew it was some random guy you were working with." He stated in exasperation and I could tell from his body language that he was genuinely riled by this discovery. "I didn't realise you'd be busy with him whilst I was missing." He added bitterly as he avoided meeting my eyes and I raised my brows at him.
"Oh come on! That was a low blow, okay. I needed the distraction. Also, he's basically a kid-"
"Bellamy! Are you coming?!" Miller called out, interrupting me midflow and I growled in annoyance.
"I'll see you later." He groaned as he reluctantly tore himself away from me and I was left to simmer in my temper.
I was glad for my session with Octavia this morning, as it allowed me to burn off some of the stress. Now that we had progressed to basic combat, Lincoln joined in with the instructing. My time with the two of them mostly consisted of me trying to attack, whilst they demonstrated how much faster they were and I found every possible way of face-planting the ground. It was a struggle to keep going after the heavy exhaustion of the night, but the well of anger in my mind kept me fuelled.
By midday when we broke off, Octavia praised me for my grit and revealed that the determination to always get back up was a vital part of being a grounder. This was an amusing discovery for me, as stubbornness had never been a praised part of my personality in the past and I was pleased that my lack of regard for when the odds were too stacked against me was finally beneficial.
When I arrived at mechanical, Knox confirmed that Monty was due to cover the afternoon shift for Jasper but hadn't turned up. I calculated that he was likely either still being briefed, or had completely forgotten about it after the strain of the night and volunteered to work in his place. Knox and I set up in our assigned corner and although I felt completely tapped from my morning activities, I fought to keep focused on the mind numbing tasks that I was assigned. I could feel the pounding of a headache creeping in, despite the very light hangover and I realised as nausea struck that I hadn't managed to eat anything. Knox wandered closer to hand me a bottle of water with a knowing look and I smiled thankfully before taking a long drink.
"Rough night?" He stated with an understanding smile and I deduced that he had likely been worried for Monty too.
"The roughest in a while and that's saying something. Lots of people I care for in that guard group." I confirmed and he nodded back with a sympathetic expression.
"It's been hard for you guys down here, huh?" He mumbled and avoided my gaze as he spoke. I knew that things hadn't been easy on the Ark either, but until now I hadn't considered what it was like for those loved ones of the 100 who weren't privileged enough to hear the communications. Sure, Jaha let the camp radio their families once, but in the weeks before that they had no idea whether we'd survived the landing and most were likely still unaware of the hardships that we'd endured since. "Monty and Jasper are so different, I guess you all must be." He added under his breath and I sighed thoughtfully.
"It's been touch and go for all of us from the start." I stated as I reflected on the chaos of our first camp and realised that there was no way we would ever be able to simplify those times into a summary for the others that would adequately convey the strain of the experiences. "Literally from day one where I watched Jasper get speared through the chest." I muttered thoughtlessly and Knox's eyes grew wide. "Yeah, welcome to Earth, right." I sighed as I tried to think of a way to explain our hardened personalities.
"I could sit here and tell you every little thing that happened at our old camp, but it still wouldn't put you in the same headspace as the boys. We struggled for every basic need, almost starved or froze to death more times than I could count. People died, kids died and we couldn't stop it. Everyone in that camp went through trauma and the only reason that we survived was because of our bonds. We grew together and became what we had to, but underneath that, we're still the same people. Whatever relationship you had with the boys before, they haven't forgotten it." I reassured and he seemed taken aback by my honesty. He got to his feet awkwardly and cleared his throat.
"I didn't get a chance to eat this morning, I'm gonna grab some food. Do you need anything?" He asked with a concerned expression and I groaned with relief.
"God, yes."